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The 5 Biggest Regrets of Narcissistic Abuse Survivors (And How to Heal) · The Mental Healness Podcast

0:00
Let me set the move for you real quick.
0:02
You're sitting there right now looking at the clock, wondering
0:06
what the last year, five years, 10 years, even 20 years went.
0:11
You you can't find the time, you feel like you've been robbed.
0:16
And as a diagnosed narcissist, I'm here to tell you that you
0:19
were robbed, right? But the biggest thief isn't just
0:22
a narcissist or toxic person that you dealt with.
0:25
It's the regret that tries to keep you trapped in the past
0:28
long after the relationship has ended.
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Today I'm breaking down the top five regrets I hear from
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survivors of narcissistic abuse nearly every single day in my
0:39
one-on-one sessions or online somewhere right?
0:42
If you're filling these, I'm going to show you how to turn
0:45
that dirty pain into the fuel you finally need to heal in.
0:49
My chair just went down. I dropped the fire intro the
0:52
chair. Look, the chair lost some oil,
0:55
the chair said, but what's going on, y'all?
0:58
If you're new here, Lee Hammock diagnosed narcissist.
1:01
Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code, right?
1:04
Y'all know I got to stay in, I got to stay in narcissistic
1:06
character, right? So the top five regrets of
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narcissist, of people, of survivors of narcissistic abuse.
1:12
And we're going to hop right into it, right?
1:14
We're going to hop right into it #1 not listening to the crazy X,
1:23
not listening to the bitter ex, the crazy ex that reached out to
1:28
you. You see what I'm saying?
1:29
I told you she was unstable. I told you she was crazy.
1:33
I warned you she would try to reach out.
1:35
But why? Because because I knew she let
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you see what I'm saying. That's just so many people
1:40
regret right there. Not listening to the ex that
1:42
reached out to you and tried to warn you about the narcissist,
1:45
right? Whether it be a man, woman,
1:47
person, whoever it is, they tried to, they tried to warn
1:50
you. They said hey, I got treated
1:52
like this. Hey, this is what they're going
1:53
to do. Hey, watch out.
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I know their love bombing you. I know it's manipulative.
1:59
I know everything is great right now, but when the mask comes
2:02
off, it come off for good. You didn't listen, right?
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You didn't listen and so many people will regret not listening
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to the crazy act. It's like a red flag that a lot
2:11
of people miss right there. You missed that red flag.
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Like you wish you would have listened to that person that
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reached out to you, that that random e-mail, that phone, that
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random call, that random text message that you got you.
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You wish you would have listened.
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And some of the people I talked to just say, hey Lee, damn it, I
2:28
should have listened. The ex-wife reached out and said
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this. The ex-husband reached out and
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said this. The ex-boyfriend, girlfriend,
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whoever it is that their ex best friend, whoever it is, reached
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out to me and tried to warn me. And I just didn't listen because
2:41
I was being love bombed because I wanted to give this person the
2:44
benefit of the doubt because I feel like it was my turn to be
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loved. I feel like it was my, I missed
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out on love so many times. I feel like, why can't I be
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chosen? Why can't I be picked?
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So I'm not going to let anybody else try to ruin this because I
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found this, I found this relationship.
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I deserve this. And then guess what ends up
3:00
happening? You regret it because that mask
3:02
comes off and you see that you're dealing with the toxic,
3:04
narcissistic, abusive, manipulative bastard, right?
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And it can get rough. It can get really, really rough.
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Yep #2 the second red flag, a lot of people, you know, they're
3:16
saying the biggest regret is ignoring your intuition or
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ignoring that gut feeling, ignoring that stomach bubbling,
3:27
the butterflies, whatever it is, right?
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Whatever it is. Like you saw the red flag on day
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three, you felt it on day three. Your stomach turned, it started
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bubbling. You might have actually let out
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a little toot. You might have a little toot
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toot. You know what I'm saying?
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I know this child is out, but I, as a narcissist, made you feel
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comfortable again, right? You might have realized it was a
3:54
red flag. I might have yelled at the
3:55
waiter, screamed at somebody. My ex might have reached out to
3:58
you, but I made you feel comfortable, didn't I?
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You know what I'm saying? My voice was louder than theirs.
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I turned the volume down on the red flag and turned it up on me.
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That's what happens, y'all? That's what narcissistic people
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do. They turn the volume down on the
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accusations or you're into you see what I'm saying, or your gut
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feeling, your intuition. And they turn it up on their
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voice. They turn it up on the love
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bombing. They turn it up on the
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manipulation. You feel it, you're being love
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bombed. You're in a like, yeah, you
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damn, there might be in a trance right now.
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And you know, when you're in a trance, this little narcissistic
4:30
trance, it can be an extremely difficult to breakthrough.
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It'd be extremely difficult to break out of it and try to heal
4:35
and try to move past anything you really, really can't, y'all.
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So that's preparation is right there.
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Like you might have saw the red flag.
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You might have, you know what I'm saying?
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You might have seen, you might have saw a text message pop
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through. You might have seen them stay
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out too late at night, scratches on their backs, smelling like a
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condom, whatever it is, right, Because come home smelling like
4:55
a used condom, like but that rubber smell and they try, they
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try to tell you, they try to tell you they took a bath with a
5:01
rubber duck, right? Come on now.
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This is what your intuition is letting you know.
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You don't feel comfortable around this person.
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You might you might care about them, but your intuition is
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letting you know. Your intuition is saying, hey,
5:12
this person isn't safe. But again, that narcissistic
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person does something to reassure you.
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I remember a story from a girl a while ago, first date do did
5:21
something slimy did something very slimy to her right And she
5:26
posted about it online and I commented I was like, yeah, no,
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she she posted about it online that how he did something very
5:32
slimy to her the night before, but the day the next day he gave
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her some had some roses delivered and that made
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everything better. I was like, look, you smiling
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now and that's all he wants. He's watching your social media.
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And literally 2 years later the girl she messaged me.
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I was just like, you were right. I should have left him alone.
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So that's what happens y'all. So this is this is not even
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somebody I did a one-on-one with this is I saw this happening in
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real life. I saw this happen, not in real
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life, but on social media. I saw, I warned her.
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I warned her. I was like, yeah, that's love
6:00
bombing. That's somebody getting you,
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getting you to ignore your gut feeling right there.
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And she did. And she, you know, regretted.
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She's doing pretty good now, though.
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Y'all, the third one, Number three, this is going to get you
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out. Staying too long one year too
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long, two years too long, one month too long, one month
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longer, right? This is what this is probably
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one of the biggest ones right here.
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So many people regret staying longer than what they feel like
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they should have stayed. You see what I'm saying?
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And a lot of y'all stay for the potential.
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You stay for the potential of the person that they were
6:34
pretending to be. You stay for because you met the
6:36
representative. You, you stay because you see
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who they can be, not who they are, right?
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They kept giving you hope over and over again that this time is
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going to be different. Babe, one more chance, one more,
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one more opportunity. I want my family back.
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I don't want things to be this way.
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Hey, you ever thought about us being back together again?
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You see what I'm saying? You're out of it.
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There's so many people that are out of it right now that when
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that narcissistic person reaches out, reaches back in, they go
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back into it and they were end up regretting it so deeply.
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They end up regretting it so bad.
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And I hate y'all. I really do hate it for them.
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I truly hate it for them because y'all want to be happy and stuff
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like that. I've talked to so many people
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like I've talked to them in 20 when I first started doing this.
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The one-on-one I talked to them in 2021.
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They come back to me in 20262025.
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Lately I just I went back and like OK what's going on?
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They got a baby now they got two more kids.
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I'm like, and they the crazy about is they regret going back.
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Some of them regret having the kids.
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They look at the baby. It's very tough for them to just
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admit it. But some of them regret having
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the kids. They love their kids y'all, but
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they regret the person they had them by.
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And then I feel like there's nothing wrong with that.
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I know some people will judge you for that, but like some
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people you can regret. This parent is a horrible
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parent, right? So many people will stay too
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long and they end up regretting it so deeply.
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They end up regretting it so much and it sucks for them.
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And I really do, I, I really do hate it because it's like once
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you know, once you feel like you're wasting your time and
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you, you continue to stay in it, that's when you, you really
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start to regret it more and more right there.
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And like, I truly don't believe you're wasting your time until
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you actually wake up and understand what you're going
8:13
through, right? Unless you, until you wake up
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and fully understand what you're going through, I don't think
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it's a waste of time. Then when you go back into it,
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when they give you this false hope, I'm going to change.
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I'm going to go to church. I've stopped doing drugs, I
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stopped drinking, I stopped smoking.
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I won't hit you again. I won't cheat again.
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I deleted her number, I blocked her.
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You know what I'm saying? They give you these little
8:30
tidbits and it makes you want to stay longer because you see it,
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right? You want to stay longer because
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this person will give you false hope.
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Misplaced hope is a dangerous thing, y'all.
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Misplaced hope is damn near like an addictive substance, right #4
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the 4th red flag gal #4 4 for four combo.
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Like for Wendy's right #4 what y'all think it is?
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Sacrificing other people? The isolation.
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As a narcissist, I made you choose right?
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I made you choose between me and your, me and your mom, me and
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your best friend, me and your brother, me and your sister, me
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and that job, me and that career, me and that, me and this
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house, me and this city, right? And then guess what happened?
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You chose me, you chose a narcissist and you got isolated,
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right? The narcissist isolated you from
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the friends who saw through them like I isolated you from the
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friends who saw me for who I really was.
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Your mom, she knows who I really am.
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I don't want you talking to your mom anymore.
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She doesn't like me. Your mom doesn't want us to be
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together. Your mom is jealous 'cause I'm
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better than I'm better than your dad.
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Your mom knows how to pick them, right?
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Your mom, your mom picked your dad and your mom hate your mom
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and your dad hate each other. So it's your mom really knows
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how to pick me in right? You see what I'm saying?
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This wasn't ends up happening. They so many people leave their
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relationships with the narcissistic person.
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They ain't never regretting it deeply because you feel like you
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gave up on it. You feel like you gave up too
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much, right? You feel like you sacrificed so
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much because now your best friend of 25 years doesn't talk
10:00
to you anymore because you decided to go back to the
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toxicity. You said you decided, you told
10:05
everybody what was going on and then you start decided to stay
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or you went back into it. Now they don't want to talk to
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you anymore. Your parents have cut you off.
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Your friends have cut you off. Now you feel like you're on.
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I call it narcissist island. Right now you feel like you're a
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narcissist island and you got to come up.
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Look you your best friend is Wilson.
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You remember you were seeing Castaway with Tom Hanks, your
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best friend. You got to create a you got to
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be talking to a damn tennis ball or I was like, what was it?
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Volleyball, Wilson, Soccer ball, whatever.
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Wilson Well, I think it was a volleyball, right?
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Wilson. Wilson, That's what you you have
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to have you a Wilson or something like that.
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You have some kind of inanimate object that's going to be your
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best friend. That's what so many people end
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up regretting right there. Y'all, so many people, so many
10:44
regret giving up their friends and family in relationships that
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they had that you've been cultivating your entire life,
10:50
jobs, dreams, hopes and things like that for this person and
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it's not working out. And that's what makes it so hard
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to leave. These regrets that you've given
10:59
up or you missed out on like this right here makes it hard to
11:01
leave because you're like, damn, if I leave, I have nobody.
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At least I have them, right? At least I have this person, at
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least I have them. That's what happens right there
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y'all in the last the top five regret.
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I know there are other regrets y'all If y'all can think of some
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other regrets that I didn't I didn't think of.
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Make sure that you drop in the comment section below right.
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I can do a Part 2 top five regrets, top ten, right?
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Whoever right the last one y'all is the jump roll please.
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Trying to fix the narcissist. You thought your love was the
11:31
cure, didn't you? I'll let you think that as long
11:33
as we together, I was getting better.
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You're the only one that can fix me.
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You're the only person that gives me hope.
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I only feel a hole around you, Right?
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And guess what happened? I'm not getting fixed.
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You're breaking. You're breaking yourself to fix
11:49
me. And the parts don't fit.
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Oh my God, what did I just say? Y'all, what did I just say?
12:00
Oh you're breaking yourself to fix me and the parts don't fit
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so you're breaking yourself for no reason.
12:10
What? What was that?
12:12
Was that fire? Was that fire dude, You thought
12:15
that was fire? You got to drop it in the
12:16
compensation. That's off the top of the head.
12:20
What is that? What was that?
12:24
Wow. But it ends up happening, y'all?
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You're trying to fix this person and you end up losing yourself.
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Every time you try to fix a break, every time you try to fix
12:32
a every time you try to fix a broken person, you end up with a
12:36
broken heart. That's truth to the Yeah, that's
12:39
truth to the game right there. Every single time you try to fix
12:41
a broken person, you would absolutely end up with a broken
12:44
heart. That's part of it right there.
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Especially a narcissistic person.
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You can't fix them. You didn't break them.
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You can't fix them, right? You, you, you didn't break them,
12:53
so you can't fix them. So I'm going to leave you.
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I'm going to leave you out with this regret is just a
13:00
narcissistic person's voice inside your head, living for
13:05
free, rent free. Rent free, right?
13:08
They want you to feel broken. They want you to feel defective
13:12
for staying. Stop apologizing to the past.
13:15
The only person you owe an apology to is the person you are
13:18
today. You will not be who you are
13:20
today without what you went through.
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You know what I'm saying? And a lot of y'all might be
13:24
struggling to feel good about yourself.
13:27
You might be struggling with yourself because you stayed too
13:29
long or you have any of these regrets and or you might still
13:33
be in it, right? You might still be in it.
13:35
You might be a survivor, but you're still dealing with the
13:37
person because you have kids, you live together, you trying to
13:41
go to they refuse to divorce you.
13:42
You don't have you, you haven't worked in 10/15/20 years.
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I understand y'all. So these regrets are going to be
13:49
you're going to hurt, right? But hopefully they wake you up
13:51
enough to make you want to take some type of action, whatever
13:54
the action is, right? If you can't leave right now,
13:56
which I don't understand, everybody doesn't leave, right?
13:58
It's not me trying to chastise anybody for staying or whatnot.
14:00
But if you can't leave, let's seriously make a plan.
14:02
Live the live the best life you possibly can.
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That's true input for your kids as well, right?
14:07
Because your kids are important as well.
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If you have kids, make sure your kids are getting a life that
14:11
they deserve as well, y'all, Because that is extremely
14:13
important here in this situation too.
14:15
You know what I mean anyways, y'all this video resonated with
14:19
you drop a fire emoji in the comment section.
14:21
I know y'all dropping that fire right, dropping that fire right,
14:24
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14:28
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14:44
Y'all peace.