Latest / We can build our mental health naturally / You can chose the right friend

Transcript

You can chose the right friend · We can build our mental health naturally

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: The number one tip that I have is to always
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: assume initiative. So back when I was like 15 or
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: 16 years old, I was browsing Reddit self improvement forums
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  Speaker 1: and stuff like that. I was on like r slash
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  Speaker 1: social skills. And they came across this post that pretty
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  Speaker 1: much changed my entire life. I've been looking everywhere for
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: this one post, but I can't find it anywhere. So
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  Speaker 1: if someone can help me out with this, that'd be great.
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  Speaker 1: But in the post, there was this guy who talked
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  Speaker 1: about how he didn't have very many friends and the
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  Speaker 1: friends that he did have were starting to fade away.
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  Speaker 1: And he didn't know why, you know, he's kind of
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  Speaker 1: a loner, kind of an introvert. And all these friends
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  Speaker 1: started to just drift away from him. And he was
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  Speaker 1: getting really upset until the very last friend that he
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  Speaker 1: had finally stopped calling him. Angry, confused, and saddened by this,
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  Speaker 1: this Reddit poster runs up to his friend and says, Dude,
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  Speaker 1: where'd you go? Why'd you stop calling me? Why don't
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  Speaker 1: you invite me to stuff anymore? And his friend turned
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  Speaker 1: to him and simply said, It's because you don't invite
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  Speaker 1: me anywhere. I figured you didn't like hanging out with me.
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  Speaker 1: And this really kind of changed my perspective because I
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  Speaker 1: just never invited people anywhere. I always waited for the invitation.
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  Speaker 1: I was always sitting there on my butt wondering why
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  Speaker 1: nobody was inviting me to cool parties and stuff. And
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  Speaker 1: I eventually realized that I wasn't making any effort whatsoever
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  Speaker 1: to make plans and call people up. Invite them to stuff.
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  Speaker 1: You know, if you don't have very many friends and
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  Speaker 1: you tend to not do things very often and you
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  Speaker 1: want to be someone who does things with people, then
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  Speaker 1: take control. Just like any other aspect of your life.
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  Speaker 1: If you want to change something, it's up to you
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  Speaker 1: because it's your life. So take control of your social
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  Speaker 1: life as well. Always assume initiative. If you want to
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  Speaker 1: do something fun, come up with an idea. Invite the
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  Speaker 1: person to that idea. If they don't want to come
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  Speaker 1: to that idea, leave them be. Is that recording? I
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: recorded you peeing. Okay, so the next big thing that
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  Speaker 1: I've learned is that honesty is the antidote. One of
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  Speaker 1: the biggest pitfalls in any social interaction is the fear
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  Speaker 1: of voicing your opinion or being controversial or politically incorrect
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  Speaker 1: or offensive. But this fear really has to go if
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  Speaker 1: anybody is to know who you are in this world.
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  Speaker 1: Because so many people are so agreeable, they're extremely careful
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  Speaker 1: about every little thing they say, they're making sure they're
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  Speaker 1: not hurtful. anyone's feelings. They're making sure that they're laughing
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  Speaker 1: at everyone's jokes. They're being very pleasant. And what this
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  Speaker 1: eventually does is that you tend to be seen by
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  Speaker 1: a large amount of people as, oh yeah, he's He's nice.
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  Speaker 1: You know, like people are kind of, they don't really
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  Speaker 1: know you, but you're unoffensive to them. So you're okay
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  Speaker 1: to have around. You'll be liked by everyone, but loved
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  Speaker 1: by no one. So if you're the kind of person
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  Speaker 1: who doesn't ever want to make any sort of waves
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  Speaker 1: or make anyone feel uncomfortable, and you find it really
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  Speaker 1: hard to make it past kind of a surface level
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  Speaker 1: acquaintanceship with most people, then that's probably the reason. By
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  Speaker 1: not voicing your true opinions, by not speaking honestly about
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  Speaker 1: things that you're passionate about, or things that you've learned
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  Speaker 1: or standing up for what's right, you're basically concealing your
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  Speaker 1: identity from people. And people don't tend to bond with
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  Speaker 1: people that they don't know at all, especially people who
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  Speaker 1: they don't trust. I feel like everybody has a few
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  Speaker 1: people in their life that when they come across them
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  Speaker 1: in a grocery store or something like that, you have
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  Speaker 1: the exact same conversation every single time. Hey man, how's
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: it going? Oh yeah, that's cool. How's the hockey team going?
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  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, sweet. Yeah, so you getting on the ice
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  Speaker 1: a lot? Oh, that's good, man. That's good, man. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: your wife's, you know, family's all good? Oh, that's good,
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  Speaker 1: that's good. Well, I'm going to let you go. I
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  Speaker 1: got to get running, but great running into you. I'll
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  Speaker 1: see you some other time. You know, I feel like
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  Speaker 1: I have that conversation with like eight to 10 people
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  Speaker 1: in my life, usually just like people I play hockey
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  Speaker 1: with or something like that. So I'm not saying you
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  Speaker 1: need to get past that stage with every single person
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  Speaker 1: that you meet in this world and form deep friendships
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  Speaker 1: with everybody you lock eyes with. But what I am
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  Speaker 1: saying is that if you're interested in forming deeper relationships
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  Speaker 1: with people, then you have to be willing to kind
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  Speaker 1: of break out of that small talk, that small talk.
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  Speaker 1: Break out of that small talk, ask questions you're actually
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  Speaker 1: curious about and that you might think is like a
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  Speaker 1: weird thing to ask. But if you want to ask it,
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  Speaker 1: just get good at just asking it. When you say
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  Speaker 1: something that's like controversial and polarizing, people can do either
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  Speaker 1: two things. They can either really bond with what you're
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  Speaker 1: saying and be like, yeah, man, that's awesome. I totally agree.
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  Speaker 1: Or they can be like, I'm out of here. This
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  Speaker 1: guy's cracked. And both of those things are a really
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  Speaker 1: good thing because of my next point. which is rejection
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  Speaker 1: is a very useful tool. When you communicate honestly, when
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  Speaker 1: you wear your opinions on your sleeve, when you're not
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  Speaker 1: afraid to be controversial and be who you are in
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  Speaker 1: front of other people, then you're inevitably gonna make a
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  Speaker 1: lot of people run the other way because they completely
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  Speaker 1: disagree with you. And that's a very good thing because
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  Speaker 1: you can find out very quickly who the people who
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  Speaker 1: are actually staying are. And the people who are staying
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  Speaker 1: are probably people who you can actually bond with. And
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  Speaker 1: I was thinking about this the other day because I
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  Speaker 1: think rejection is like an inevitable thing that always happens
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  Speaker 1: if people are incompatible. And it can either happen right
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  Speaker 1: away or it happens very gradually over the course of
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  Speaker 1: a very painful and toxic relationship. A quick rejection is
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  Speaker 1: one where one person starts talking And the other person
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  Speaker 1: starts talking, you know, you don't vibe with that person
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  Speaker 1: at all. So you kind of go the other way
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  Speaker 1: and you never talk with that person again. That's an
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  Speaker 1: acute rejection. You know, from a dating perspective, you know,
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  Speaker 1: you walk up to a girl or a guy or
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  Speaker 1: whoever you're approaching and you're all like, hey, baby. And
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  Speaker 1: then they're like, no, get out of here. You suck.
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  Speaker 1: You smell. Your breath is bad. I don't like you.
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  Speaker 1: And then that's it. You're like, okay, that kind of sucks,
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  Speaker 1: but fair enough. I should probably brush my teeth. That's
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  Speaker 1: an acute rejection. And you never have to talk with
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  Speaker 1: that person again. But that's what happens when people are
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  Speaker 1: being honest. They're saying what they mean. One person's like, hey,
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  Speaker 1: I'm interested in bonding with you. The other person's like, no,
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  Speaker 1: go away. And then they split up. I think that's
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  Speaker 1: absolutely perfect. It's honest communication, clear cut results. But a
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  Speaker 1: gradual rejection is something that people don't really think about
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  Speaker 1: a lot. And I think it's when two people are incompatible,
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  Speaker 1: but neither of them are very good at communicating honestly.
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  Speaker 1: So these two types of people might actually get into
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  Speaker 1: a friendship or a relationship and then find out later
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  Speaker 1: down the road that they actually don't really like each
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  Speaker 1: other at all and they resent tons of things about them.
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  Speaker 1: So they start to become bitter at each other and
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  Speaker 1: start to get mad at their fundamental differences, start to
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  Speaker 1: get petty about little things like, you know, if they
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  Speaker 1: leave a banana on the table and you lash out
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  Speaker 1: at them, but you're not really lashing out at the banana,
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  Speaker 1: you're lashing out at the fact that you disagree about
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  Speaker 1: religious and political things, but you never sorted it out
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  Speaker 1: to begin with and now you have to deal with
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  Speaker 1: all this like, drama later it's just an absolute mess
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  Speaker 1: but usually that only happens because two parties aren't really
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  Speaker 1: communicating very honestly at the beginning they can't see the
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  Speaker 1: differences right off the bat evaluate them and then realize
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  Speaker 1: you know what this person's so much different than me
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  Speaker 1: this is probably going to cause a lot of pain
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  Speaker 1: and turmoil down the road so i'm just going to
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  Speaker 1: split before it gets too deep so if someone's incompatible
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  Speaker 1: with you rejection will happen no matter what it can
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  Speaker 1: either happen right away or way down the road so
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  Speaker 1: opt for honest communication and quick rejection This is probably
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: the most unfun, unflattering social interaction advice of all time. Hey,
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  Speaker 1: it's Better Ideas here. Here's how to get rejected nine
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  Speaker 1: times out of 10. So this last bit of advice
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: is all about demographics. And I picked up this bit
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  Speaker 1: of information from Models by Mark Manson, which is actually
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  Speaker 1: a book about dating and relationships and stuff like that.
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  Speaker 1: But this honestly applies to friendships or any kind of
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  Speaker 1: relationship that you want to enter into. So a lot
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  Speaker 1: of people complain that they can't meet anyone like them.
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  Speaker 1: You know, they're a special little snowflake. They have their
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  Speaker 1: own little interests and hobbies. Maybe they have some weird
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  Speaker 1: hobbies and interests and pretty strange opinions. And they lament
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  Speaker 1: because they can never find their tribe, their people. You know,
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  Speaker 1: people who think exactly like them. People they can just
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  Speaker 1: hit it off with and have a great time. They
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  Speaker 1: can spew all their bizarre opinions about whatever. But people
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  Speaker 1: get sad because they can't find people who get them. Well,
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  Speaker 1: a lot of people look in the most general places,
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  Speaker 1: the most general public venues of all time for their soulmate,
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  Speaker 1: their best friend. They're not actually evaluating what interests they have,
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  Speaker 1: what values they hold, and going to the places where
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  Speaker 1: those people exist. You know, you want to increase your
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  Speaker 1: chances of finding people that you connect with. That's just
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: basic demographics, statistics. Come on, you know, if you're religious,
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  Speaker 1: start actually going to that church young adults group that
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  Speaker 1: you've been avoiding. You know, there are a lot of
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  Speaker 1: people who think like you in that group. You know,
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  Speaker 1: if you're into sports, you're really athletic, then join an
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  Speaker 1: intramural or communal sports team. Start to get involved with
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  Speaker 1: the extracurricular events and the little optional group meetups and
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  Speaker 1: stuff like that. Go where your people are. There are
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  Speaker 1: people who share your hobbies and your passions. Go there.
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  Speaker 1: But sometimes you might not have a crazy proficiency in
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  Speaker 1: every single one of your hobbies. So you're afraid that
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  Speaker 1: if you go to one of those group meetups, like
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: a photography club, everyone's going to laugh at you because
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  Speaker 1: you suck. You know, you're not good at all. You
• 8:30
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