Latest / Celeste The Therapist / EP 509 From Survival to Peace: Understanding and Healing Your System

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EP 509 From Survival to Peace: Understanding and Healing Your System · Celeste The Therapist

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Thank you so much for joining another episode of Celeste, the therapist podcast.
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My name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston. If you are new here,
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thank you for giving me a try on this podcast. What I
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do is I talk about things that we go through and then
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I. go into why it happens, what we can
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do about it, so that you're not leaving here just with the knowledge of what's
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going on, but also with the mindset on how you can change it.
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It's really important to me for people to understand how they can start
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and do what they need to do right now in this moment, despite socioeconomic status,
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despite what you've been through. And so today's topic, we're
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talking about going from survival to peace, really learning how to understand
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your system. If people work with me individually, they know that's
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something that I always talk about. It's important to me. And before we get started,
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just want to let you know, there is a free wellness event
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happening May 3rd in Stoughton. I have a wellness center. called
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Shifting the Way You Think Wellness Center. And the goal behind that
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wellness center was to just work on creating a space where
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people can come to to learn about wellness. I
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think therapy is great. I'm a whole therapist. I think psychiatry is great,
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but Outside of therapy and psychiatry, there's something
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happening with our body. And I don't care how much talking you
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do with people. A lot of times, sometimes things
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are stuck in our body. There's people that talk about being in therapy for years and
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having intellectual knowledge, but not understanding what's going on.
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So that's happening May 3rd. If you want to learn more about my wellness center,
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you can go to stwyt.com to learn
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more. We have different offerings that happen monthly. So
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if you want to be a part of that, definitely check us out. And
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if you don't know, we are on YouTube. So if you ever wanted to watch these
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episodes, head on over to YouTube. If you search Celeste Therapist, you
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can find that everywhere. So let's talk about going from survival
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to working on creating peace. This is something that I've
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realized people, when they're on their journey to creating peace,
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when they're on their journey to reconciliation with what's happened,
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they find themselves constantly going backward and
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not understanding, why am I going backward? Why can't I just ... I
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know what I need to do, but doing it feels hard. I can't
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remember who it was on my podcast. They said, it can feel like
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walking over a puddle. No, it sounds
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like walking over a puddle. If I say, okay, all I need you to do is X, Y, and
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Z, okay. But then when you get ready to do it, it feels like
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you're trying to walk over the Grand Canyon. And a lot of times
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we don't understand that logically we can know what to do, but emotionally it
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could feel hard to do. And when
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you think about all the books that are around, self-help books, there's
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a lot of books that talk about what needs to happen, but doing it is actually
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hard. So a lot of times, because of being
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in survival mode, when I talk about survival mode,
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I'm talking about if you are somebody that kind of grew up
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in trauma, and it doesn't have to necessarily be trauma, like
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the whole entire course of your life, But a lot of times the
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things that we have gone through have been imprinted in our mind from
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a young age. And then we grow up with
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this internal dialogue. And a lot of times we don't realize that
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our system is learning how just to survive, how
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to be hyper alert, right? There are so many different things
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that have happened over the years for people that they don't realize
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that they're no longer living life. They're just literally in survival mode.
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The sun could be out, the flowers could be blooming, but you don't see
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the sun, you don't see the flowers. It feels like you're just
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in this blooming space. And a lot of times, people
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will find themselves saying, like, okay, you know what, I wanna work on myself, but
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not understanding, like, it's really hard because
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they're in survival mode. Now let's just, I wanna share with
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you, like, what's happening to you in survival mode if you're not aware. And
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again, you can find these episodes on
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YouTube so that you can see the visuals. I'm just a very visual learner. So
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what happens to you in survival mode, trauma affects the body's
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stress response system, including the fight or flight. And
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so what happens in fight or flight mode when
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things happen, unfortunately, you may find yourself freezing.
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or running away from the problem. And freezing doesn't always necessarily mean
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like you're literally like stopping and you're not moving, but you're
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not moving forward with your life. You ever feel stuck, right? You're
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feeling stuck. You feel like you're on this hamstring wheel. A lot of
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times it's because you're frozen. You don't know what to do. And sometimes people find themselves
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running away. What also happens in survival mode is physiological
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changes happen, right? Your increased cortisol level, right?
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A lot of people struggle with losing weight because of the hormones, the
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cortisol levels are high, adrenaline and hypervigilance. Being
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on hyperaware all the time is
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a hard way to operate in life. When you
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are operating in hypervigilance mode, not only are
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you mentally there, Physically you're there right
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a lot of times as people get older you you hear about the
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increase in like heart attacks or high blood pressure Or
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aneurysms those kind of things that's happening. Like what happened. They were so young. They were
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so there's some even fit people, right? It's not even about being fit Our
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body was never designed for us to be in hyper alert
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all the time. An example I always give on this podcast, if
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you're not new here, you heard this before, you'll hear it again. We
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are the only species, humans, that can activate the amygdala,
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which is that flight or fight mode, with just how we think about
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things, right? So animals, let's say there's a prey coming to
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attack, they'll get in this like, ooh, I gotta get out of
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here mode. As soon as that animal leaves the way, what happens is
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they start to relax. Humans, and this
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is happening because we're not talking about things. Mental health has
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been so stigmatized, especially in certain communities. So
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things are happening, it's getting brushed under the rug, not
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literally because you can never brush over your experiences. You
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can try to drink it away, party it away, but your system
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remembers, your body keeps the score of what's happened. And so
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because these things have happened and your system has
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never processed it, Your system is always going to keep alerting
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you and let you know, hey, be careful, this might happen again, right?
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Relationships, you've been in a bad relationship, right? And you say you
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want a new relationship, but when you get into it, any little thing like you
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struggle with, and that's because your system is like, ooh, this kind of
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happened before, but it's not the same thing, right? So
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many ways that we are trying to move forward is
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hindered because our mind is trying to keep us aware. And I just
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want to be clear, our mind is doing what it's designed to do. Our
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mind is designed what it's supposed to do. It's supposed to
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keep us aware The issue comes in place because we're not
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engaging in those thoughts We're not saying like, oh,
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yeah, like I know I was in this abusive relationship before but this is different This
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person is not abusive. They're actually a different person I've
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been on my healing journey. Like I see what it is because you can't help
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the trigger that comes into play, but you can work on Minimizing
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it in the way that it takes over your system, right? So being
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in hyper aware, hyper-vigilance mode
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all the time is very dangerous for your system. Eventually,
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your body feels like it's attacking itself. People with autoimmune issues,
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like health issues sometimes, a lot of times, it's
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because of how much your system is working in overdrive. If
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I'm constantly just revving my engine, revving my engine, and I'm not getting
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gas, I'm not refueling, I'm not getting oil, eventually, my car
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is gonna die. Eventually, my car is gonna break down. Literally, that's
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what happens to us as humans, right? If we're not understanding
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what's happening and we are just allowing our mind to keep us
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in hyper-aware mode, eventually it starts to break down. And
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then the last thing I want to say about what happens in survival mode is that
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survival mode can become a default state, making it difficult to
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relax, right? So if you want to call yourself trying
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to get into peace mode, it's hard to get into peace mode
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because it feels like this is normal, right? So as you're trying
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to work on peace, it feels hard to do because
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your mode has always been, I got to stay in survival mode,
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right? So that's kind of what happens in survival mode.
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A lot of people have lived in survival mode. I've lived in
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survival mode and I'm always I'm
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always overwhelmed with gratitude when I think about
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how far I've come because I never thought this way of living was possible.
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And as I started to live this way, my passion
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grew deeper. I've always cared and enjoyed working with people.
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But my passion became deeper, realizing there's another way to
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operate in life. We don't always have to operate in survival mode
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all the time. And when I was in survival mode, I would have never framed
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it that way. I wasn't like, oh, I'm living in survival mode. It's when I look back
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at how I was operating, I'm starting to recognize it.
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I was like, oh, I was living in survival mode. When I was trying to work on peace, it
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felt so hard. The transition was hard. It felt lonely. It
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felt scary. All of these things are happening. I like
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talking about those things that are happening because people are talking about change.
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They're talking about doing this and that, but they're not talking about the hard
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part that comes into play as you're trying to create
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that change. So why is it
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hard to shift into peace, right? I kind of shared it a little bit, but
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let me put the visuals up for you. So why
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it's hard to shift into peace mode and trying to calm your
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nervous system because trauma residue and triggers, right?
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The triggers that come up, it doesn't even have to
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be a relationship. Let's just say Um, it's something like
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work, uh, or school. Let's say you're not used
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to, um, you're not used to excelling in school. When
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you tried to go to school, um, you know, there was a lot of trauma
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at home, right? And let's say you're an adult and you're
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not in a home where there's a lot of trauma, but going
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to school is triggering because when you was going to school before, there
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was a lot of trauma at home. So you find yourself having a hard time
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concentrating. There doesn't have to be a thing happening in
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front of you in order for you to be triggered, right? It's
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just something similar Another story I shared because
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sometimes the analogies or stories I tell can help hit home
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when it comes to triggers so there was a time where I
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was driving and um A car was
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turning, and a kid was crossing the street, and the car that
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was turning hit the kid. And
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I think the son was in his way. The kid was fine. He was on the floor,
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and I was like, you know, I got out my car. I said, stay on the ground. Got his
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mom's number and called his mom. And there
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was a McDonald's next to it. The kid had a McDonald's cup in
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his hand. The McDonald's cup flew. The kid was
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fine. No blood, nothing, right? I promise you,
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weeks after that, when I was in McDonald's and soda, my stomach started
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turning. I felt like something was about to happen. Because that McDonald's
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was near my office, I was driving by it and I
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remember feeling like, oh my gosh, what's going
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on? now to this day that probably happened like seven years
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ago and thank goodness i was aware of what was happening so
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i don't have this like weird thing about when i see mcdonald's all the time i'm
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not like freaked out by it but for some people they'll
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find themselves freaked out by it because they
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don't know what's happening. They don't realize their stomach's turning
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when they're around McDonald's because of what happened 10 years ago. A lot
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of times when I'm working with people, they'll tell me their story, they'll tell
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me what's going on now. And I say, oh, it sounds like this
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may have triggered that. They say, but it was 20 years ago. I say, yeah, but it
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was still your experience. This is not things we're taught. And
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now to this day, when people across the street, I
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am very much hyper aware and I know what's going on.
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And if somebody is trying to cross, I'll beep to make sure. I think
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I'm very alert when it comes to people crossing the
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street, but I know that was triggered from watching that kid cross
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the street. So literally that's how triggers work. Nothing has to be
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wrong. Me driving by McDonald's and there's no accident
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or nothing and my stomach's turning, I could feel my physical body activating
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going by McDonald's after that event first happened. That's what
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I mean when I say triggers could come up and nothing's wrong.
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But because I'm aware and because I was able
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to talk to my mind and say, oh, everything's fine, I can go by McDonald's and
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be fine. Right, so that's literally how
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triggers work. So why it's hard hyper vigilance and
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anxiety? difficulty with self-regulation and
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relaxation if you have been living in hyper alert
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all the time how the heck are you supposed to relax right if
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Being a survival mode has been your default method of
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operating Relaxing is gonna feel hard and
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then another reason why it's hard to shift into peace mode is is
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because you may feel stuck or numb, right? Being stuck,
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feeling numb is such a hard place to be. And a
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lot of times I'll tell people, you know, when we're talking and
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we're dealing with some hard things and I'm like, I know this is really hard and
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I know you're going through it, but you know, I want you to know going through
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it is better than feeling numb, right? And I think
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that's given me peace. It's like reminding myself
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of the highs and lows of life It's allowed me to
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create some peace and normalcy when things happen where I'm like, this sucks.
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I'll say it like this sucks. This is hard. But
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I'm grateful that I'm able to understand what's going on. And
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I'm not just running through the pain with alcohol.
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I'm not running through the pain with just escaping. Sometimes
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you have to escape in the moment, but escaping longevity
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wise is like too much, right? The
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last thing I want to talk about is some strategies. What are some strategies you
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can work on from just surviving to
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being in peace? As I'm talking about these strategies, it's
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not like a one-size-fits-all. It's not like, okay, let me do this, this,
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this, it's going to be okay. I just want you to think about putting one
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foot in front of the other. If this thing doesn't work, let's
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try something different. We
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know about therapy. Therapy is obviously one way where we're talking to
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people. But I want you to think about your nervous system, your body,
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right? How that's being affected because a lot of
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times you're stuck in this
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mold, right? So prioritizing activities that
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allows you to relax and recharge, right? Setting
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achievable goals. Wait, that's not the
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So I'm going to just share some practical tools that you can work on
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when it comes to your nervous system, going from this survival space to
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just like living life, you know, it's
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a whole nother way of living. So deep breathing
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exercises are huge, right? If you go on YouTube and type
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in two minute breathing circle, um, there's a circle and it goes
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in and out and
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And out. There's
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something powerful about taking deep breaths that can
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really help calm your nervous system down. A
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lot of people, you know, you may say, but Celeste, I breathe, but sometimes your
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breathing's labor and it's not deep, right? So really being
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mindful and allowing yourself to have some really deep
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breath work is good. Progressive muscle
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relaxation, like working on allowing your muscles to
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relax because your system is like this. Once you get in
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tune with your body, you'll be like, ooh, you ever went a long time
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and then one time you had a massage and it's like you didn't realize how tight you
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were because you're so used to being tight. I tell people all the time, we adjust to
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pain. We literally, like our back hurts and we'll do like this
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or we'll just pop a Tylenol, but we won't check in with ourselves and be like, ooh, I
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wonder why my backs are in. I know for
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me, when I'm struggling, my back starts hurting. As an adult,
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I've learned the signs. As a child, it happened all the time, but the
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doctor gave me muscle relaxer. They didn't ask me what's going on. They
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gave me a muscle relaxer. As an adult, I don't need a muscle relaxer. Why?
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Because as soon as my back starts hurting, I'm checking in with myself, ooh,
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what's going on? For somebody else, it might be your stomach might be
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turning. You might have GI issues, bowel movement issues. You
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might have, you know, you sweat, you might get sweaty. There's so
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many ways that our body's giving us signs that we're not aware of. Mindfulness
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meditation is important. Something you can do getting
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in touch with your with your thoughts. You'll be surprised There's
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a million and one thoughts going on in your mind and you're doing nothing about
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it, right? If you can work on taking just
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two minutes and start like if you've never done this before Take
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two minutes to do a meditation do that for a couple weeks up
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it to four right increase it every two Every two
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weeks increase two minutes and you can go on youtube and
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type in two minute medication five minute meditation Six-minute
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meditation and just allow yourself to sit and if you say it's
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Celeste, but all these thoughts are going on That's the point. I
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want you to I want you to know what's going on in your head You know, there's
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so many horrible things happening in the world that we don't even realize like
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I will not go to bed watching
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stuff that are hard because I know it's gonna sit in my system
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and So we don't realize the
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things we hear on the news, the conversations we're having with people. You
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ever talk to somebody on the phone and they was going through so much and you get off the
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phone and you're feeling drained? Energy transfers. And
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so if you're not making time to understand what's going on in your mind and
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you're trying to figure out why do I feel so stuck? Why can I go to the next level?
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This is the reason why it's because you're allowing all of these things
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and thoughts to stick in your head And you're not releasing them I
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say imagine, you know, you you're in the house and you just like here
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throw the trash in in one room Just keep throwing the trash in the room
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And so you don't want to open that door because it's like dang. I got a lot of trash But
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then if you say, you know what i'm going to work on dealing with this trash Guess
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what's going to happen? It's going to be hard at first but what's
20:49
going to happen is the clarity is going to start to set in Grounding
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techniques are important, right? Working on getting grounded is
20:57
helpful. It allows your system to know, okay, we're okay, right?
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It's no longer, I'm no longer this 10-year-old girl. I'm actually a
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25-year-old woman and I have power over
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my life. Your mind doesn't know you have
21:11
power over your life. Your mind, because of how you're operating, your mind still
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thinks you're that 10-year-old boy or that 10-year-old girl. Until you
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declare power over your life and you work on getting grounded, getting
21:22
into the moment, putting your feet on the ground, smelling
21:26
the roses, like, what can I see? What am I looking at?
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I'm looking at trees. That allows you to
21:33
get focused in the moment. And then
21:36
having some self-compassion and self-care practices. None
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of these things have to cost money. If you're saying, I don't have money for it, I'm not asking
21:43
you to buy anything. I'm asking you to go on YouTube. I'm asking
21:46
you to put your feet on the ground. I'm asking you
21:49
to go for a walk. Put your phone away. Just put
21:53
your phone away for five minutes and allow yourself to
21:56
see what's happening. Until you do that, it'll be hard to
21:59
work on living life and not surviving. So those
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are some ways to think about like allowing your system
22:06
to relax, right? Some other things that I'm thinking about is community
22:10
is important. You know, I said therapy, therapy is great. Getting into
22:13
community, being around like-minded people, right? If
22:17
you can't find like-minded people in person, look online, look
22:20
for support groups online. NAMI, N-A-M-I is
22:24
a great organization that will have online stuff.
22:27
There are free things online. that you can allow yourself to get
22:31
into. You got to do a little bit of research, right? Allow yourself to
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experience what it feels like to live life and
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not just survive life. If this is something, if this is new for you,
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right? I remember this lady, um, she was, she was, she
22:45
said she listened to my podcast a lot. And one day she was watching dishes and
22:48
she was like, Oh my gosh, I'm no longer in survival mode. I'm actually thriving. You
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know, she, she, she, she DM me and shared that story
22:55
with me. And I remember thinking that is so dope to realize,
22:59
no, I'm not in survival mode. I'm actually thriving. I'm actually living life. Literally,
23:03
that's what I feel like. Why I keep showing up for the podcast,
23:07
for my wellness center, for my clients is because I recognize there's
23:10
another way to operate in life. America's not going to tell you. Because
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if they tell you like, oh, there's another way to operate in life, you ain't going to
23:17
have to buy those extra products that they want you to buy. So I
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want you to know there's a way to work on living life and
23:25
not just surviving life, but you got to work on getting into the
23:28
moment and getting into the moment is scary. It's hard.
23:32
It's hard work right if if my heart is
23:35
bad and i'm getting a heart transplant Some people you
23:39
know that they'll switch out the old heart and give them a new heart Some people don't
23:42
last with the new heart because their system didn't get acclimated to
23:46
it, right? So when you are getting a heart lung transplant,
23:49
whatever plant, whatever There are certain things you can't eat certain things You
23:52
can't do because your system needs to get used to the new space this
23:56
new system that is sent even though you know, it's
23:59
a foreign object. Even though my old heart was bad, my old heart's operating
24:03
at 10%, the new heart that they're giving me is operating well,
24:07
it's healthy, but because it's foreign, my
24:10
system wants to reject it, even though it's a good heart. So
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when you think about the things that you need to do for your life, the
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areas you want to go in life, and you haven't done
24:21
that before, you've never seen that happen, your system is
24:24
going to reject the meditation. Your system is going to
24:28
reject getting up early to start your day with you because you've
24:31
never seen your parents start their day with them. Your system is
24:34
going to reject it, even though you're not doing anything bad, but
24:38
it's new. Right. So I want to challenge you and I want you to
24:41
understand like this is the this is what's going to happen when you are
24:45
trying to work on changing the way you're operating. But please
24:48
understand eventually your mind and body has no
24:51
other choice but to fall in line with the direction that you're taking it. So,
24:55
I hope this was helpful. I hope this makes sense. If anything I ever say resonates for
24:58
you, understand that you have the power to make the change. But
25:02
guess what? You got to start to have faith to believe in yourself. And when you have
25:05
faith, when you start believing in yourself, I promise
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you, no one can take that away from you. Don't forget, visit me
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on my website, stwyt.com. If
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you want to come to any events, all the events will be there. If
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you want to learn more about me, you go to celestatherapist.com. Find
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me on all social media platforms at Celeste the Therapist. And until