Latest / Xenomania / Heart Eyes – Xenomania 59

Transcript

Heart Eyes – Xenomania 59 · Xenomania

0:00
Jon: This week on Xenomania, join us as we travel into the world of love
0:06
and Valentine's Day and demented serial killers as we explore heart, eyes,
0:14
and the love songs and the beauty that this rom-com horror slasher brings.
0:22
This is heart eyes.
0:25
This is xenomania.
0:30
No, be afraid.
0:34
Be very afraid.
0:43
Jon: And you just keeps getting better.
0:48
Kearns: I just want you to know that lone star.
0:52
Jon: I have
0:53
Ryan: love him
0:53
Jon: strangest, the strangest love for that song.
0:58
I, I hate to admit it, but something about that song,
1:01
Ryan: It's a good song.
1:02
Kearns: know
1:03
Ryan: Don't knock that song.
1:04
Kearns: weddings.
1:04
I think that turned me off to it.
1:10
Ryan: It
1:10
Jon: I don't get invited to weddings, so
1:12
Kearns: you go.
1:12
Actually, we gotta learn that hack.
1:14
Just just take down 15
1:16
Jon: Yeah.
1:17
Kearns: before the ceremony starts and you will stop getting invited to weddings.
1:21
That's not how
1:22
Jon: Yeah.
1:22
Kearns: but that's how I'd do it.
1:24
Jon: Well, one per friend group, you know, it's, it's simple.
1:27
bomb, one of 'em, and you don't get invited to the rest.
1:30
Kearns: people at weddings, like in our movie that we're doing today, which
1:33
is heart eyes, everybody by the way.
1:35
my tradition is to break into the groom suite and make sure he takes a slug
1:40
of scotch before he goes out there.
1:42
I've successfully done it at about five weddings and I always bring good scotch.
1:47
I'm like, you gotta do this because this is gonna be the worst day of your life.
1:53
And um,
1:54
Ryan: Gee
1:54
Kearns: time we did it right, somebody went out and got like nice glasses and
1:57
ice and stuff, but for the most part it's either passing a bottle around just
2:00
the dudes or And two of them I was in the wedding party, but the other three,
2:05
I literally just like broke in literal.
2:07
Ryan: just showed up.
2:08
You were just like, listen.
2:11
Kearns: So,
2:12
Ryan: I was gonna say, where were you for my wedding, man?
2:14
I mean, we had a bottle of, a bottle of tequila going around.
2:17
Kearns: good way to
2:18
Ryan: We had, uh, Rob,
2:20
Jon: I,
2:21
Ryan: Mr. Trauma, Rob Trauma named Shout.
2:23
He brought it.
2:25
Thank you.
2:26
It was a good day.
2:27
Yeah.
2:27
As you're shaking your head, you know
2:31
Jon: I dunno, man, I couldn't get drunk at my wedding.
2:33
I tried.
2:34
Kearns: No.
2:34
Yeah, there's like, you get
2:35
Ryan: No.
2:36
Jon: tried.
2:36
Kearns: at your own wedding.
2:37
there was never a second.
2:39
I didn't have a glass in my hand because this person was like assigned to just
2:42
deliver them to me and a few other
2:44
Jon: Mm-hmm.
2:45
Kearns: including my mother and stepfather.
2:47
and it did, it took until like 2 30, 3 o'clock in the morning.
2:51
'cause we did like an after party and all this stuff until I
2:54
Ryan: Yep.
2:54
Jon: Mm-hmm.
2:56
Kearns: not, not even
2:57
Jon: Yeah.
2:58
Mm-hmm.
2:59
Kearns: We had a great time, Kim and I really enjoyed
3:01
Jon: Yeah.
3:01
Yeah.
3:02
We enjoyed ours too.
3:03
it was nice.
3:04
Kearns: are cool.
3:04
I haven't seen pictures of yours, Ryan, but I've seen pictures of John's.
3:07
Jon: Especially the one where Allison's on the floor after I
3:10
tripped her during our first dance.
3:11
Kearns: there.
3:12
This is for the listeners out there if you wanna assert dominance over your wife.
3:16
Early on I checked over my shoulder to make sure mine wasn't sitting there.
3:20
You throw her on the ground as you do the
3:22
Ryan: You just give her hip toss.
3:24
Jon: I mean, to be fair, it's as simple as stepping on the dress because
3:28
you're a big O and you can't dance and you happen to mention it as you were
3:33
walking into the ballroom for the dance that, Hey, do you think we should have
3:37
practiced this before we, we did it?
3:40
Kearns: there.
3:40
Jon: And Allison said, no, we know how to dance.
3:43
We're good.
3:44
Kearns: she was wrong.
3:46
Jon: Yeah.
3:47
Kearns: No.
3:48
Ryan: Yeah.
3:48
No.
3:50
Yeah.
3:50
Now Jada and I did a slow dance.
3:52
you know, we had our traditional dances and then, it just became
3:54
like a club scene, I'll be honest.
3:56
we had like, it was crazy.
3:58
our, my father-in-law had some medical emergency happen.
4:02
So what they did was because of like everything going on, they were
4:07
like, listen, we don't do shots, but after seeing this, we're just gonna
4:11
make this a club scene for you and we're just gonna let you have fun.
4:14
My father-in-law was o okay at, like, he was okay.
4:17
He was in the hospital and he made it through, but like, it was like,
4:22
they made it better than what it was and it, was a memorable night.
4:27
stopped partying at like five in the morning, yeah.
4:32
Kearns: I mean, somebody brought mushrooms, uh, which not mushrooms.
4:36
Well that too, but somebody brought, um, hot brownies to ours and
4:41
not that, that I didn't partake, obviously, but they were circulating.
4:46
They gave 'em to the wait staff of the place
4:48
Ryan: that's awesome.
4:49
Kearns: them out really well too.
4:50
Like we really hooked them up.
4:52
And so they were already pretty happy, but I didn't realize
4:54
why they were like so happy.
4:57
And
4:58
Ryan: Well, yeah, they were on, they were high.
5:00
Kearns: brought like a huge Tupperware of it.
5:02
It was pretty funny.
5:03
Ryan: started playing e rake my eye or e rake my eye.
5:06
I am sorry.
5:08
Kearns: these are our wedding experiences that we're throwing out.
5:11
Here are personal ones at that, but
5:14
The
5:15
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
5:15
Kearns: starts
5:15
Ryan: was,
5:16
Kearns: great engagement scene like super, and it, it really sets
5:19
Jon: Mm-hmm.
5:20
Kearns: the entire film too, because it's super cliche, very fake.
5:24
Like everything about the
5:25
Ryan: yep.
5:25
Kearns: is fake.
5:26
Jon: Mm-hmm.
5:27
Ryan: bad for him.
5:28
He's so forced into it.
5:29
Kearns: died.
5:30
It
5:31
Ryan: Oh, he, he was, that was a quick death.
5:33
Kearns: ahead head because she was
5:36
Jon: Yeah,
5:36
Kearns: She was like, oh, you put it in
5:37
Ryan: Yes,
5:38
Jon: he,
5:38
Kearns: when he puts the ring in the strawberry.
5:42
Jon: why do we do this stuff?
5:43
Why can't we just propose?
5:45
Why does it have to be this whole photo shoot thing?
5:49
Kearns: a photo
5:49
Ryan: I propose standing up.
5:50
Kearns: I did something cheesy.
5:51
I wrote like a story and then I had her read the first part, like I was
5:55
gonna try to get it published and I saved the last three pages, which
5:58
Jon: Mm-hmm.
5:59
Mm-hmm.
6:02
Kearns: I made her read those pages and then I proposed, but we didn't have
6:05
like a photo shoot set up or anything.
6:08
was like a Dominican family, like a huge family having a raucous barbecue right
6:14
next to where I decided to do this.
6:16
And they saw us and flipped out and that was like, that made it 10 times cooler.
6:21
'cause they, you know, they went
6:22
Jon: Mm-hmm.
6:22
Kearns: and they took
6:23
Ryan: That's awesome.
6:24
Kearns: we do have a picture of me proposing, but that's why,
6:27
Ryan: That's cool though.
6:29
Jon: We had exactly the minimalist proposal that you
6:34
would expect from the two of us.
6:36
I had told Allison, when you graduate nursing school, I will
6:40
propose the night of her last class.
6:44
She came home, sat down on the couch, will you marry me?
6:49
No pictures, no fanfare, no nothing.
6:53
And it was exactly how, exactly how we both wanted it to be.
6:57
Ryan: That's awesome.
6:58
Kearns: people forget that there's a charm to the way these things are done
7:02
specific to the people who are doing them, and that is very you and Allison.
7:06
That's cool, man.
7:07
I, that's cool.
7:09
Jon: Yeah.
7:10
Kearns: so let's talk about that.
7:12
Ryan: Talk about that.
7:13
Jon: Yeah.
7:13
I mean, there's one a lot worse.
7:15
Ryan: yeah, I mean, let's see.
7:17
The cameraman gets it in the eye with a knife, which
7:21
Jon: Uh huh
7:21
Ryan: Scene, I feel like, was this movie in 3D?
7:24
Kearns: It felt like it was shot that way,
7:25
Jon: I don't believe so.
7:27
It,
7:28
Ryan: right.
7:30
No, I
7:31
Jon: No, I don't, I don't think it, it had a theatrical, it did not have a 3D.
7:36
Ryan: because like that knife scene had like, I was thinking of Friday
7:39
13th part three when like the thing like the knife or the machete comes
7:43
to the camera, like the knife, just when it goes to the camera.
7:46
So right there
7:46
Kearns: there the, one of the Friday the 13th was part of the inspiration for
7:50
this movie and how the killer operates.
7:54
Was it three?
7:54
What's the, is that like Jason's
7:56
Ryan: I would,
7:56
Kearns: or something?
7:58
Ryan: if I would think three because of the movement.
8:01
But if it's Jason, uh, maybe part four, maybe
8:06
Jon: Maybe part four.
8:07
Yeah.
8:07
Ryan: it's just the movement, like how the hard eyes killer moves.
8:10
HEK,
8:11
Kearns: GK
8:12
Ryan: abbreviated, uh,
8:13
Kearns: by the way, 'cause it kind of gave you the
8:15
Ryan: yeah, it did
8:16
Kearns: feel.
8:16
So you gave a little something to
8:18
Jon: Mm-hmm.
8:18
Kearns: to the whole like crime stopper aspect of the movie.
8:21
But digress.
8:23
Ryan: is history too, how the newscasters cover that.
8:27
It's like he has a history or she has
8:30
Jon: Mm-hmm.
8:31
Kearns: they
8:31
Ryan: You don't know.
8:32
You don't know.
8:33
Ooh,
8:34
Kearns: you?
8:34
Are you
8:35
Ryan: I know.
8:36
Kearns: killer?
8:36
Are you not poly serial.
8:37
Anyway, we're gonna get to that in a little bit, but the, massacre of
8:41
the starting couple is pretty cool.
8:44
Jon: Mm-hmm.
8:44
Kearns: it scratches the itch.
8:47
Ryan: Yeah, it does.
8:48
Jon: And like she's not very bright 'cause there's a moment in
8:53
there where, she almost escaped.
8:55
She's kind of hidden.
8:56
She's kind of out of view, and the killer hard eyes calls her and she answers.
9:04
But not only does she answer with her super loud ringtone,
9:07
she then talks crap to him
9:09
Ryan: Yep.
9:10
Kearns: the whole time.
9:10
She's an idiot.
9:11
She's so mean.
9:15
And then of course she gets,
9:16
Jon: and then she hide.
9:18
Yeah.
9:18
She has to hide in that vat.
9:20
And
9:21
Kearns: They're at a vineyard.
9:23
Jon: yeah,
9:23
Kearns: hides in the
9:24
Jon: he's
9:24
Kearns: crusher.
9:25
Jon: smush.
9:26
Kearns: Yeah.
9:26
And she gets crushed as though a grape.
9:29
And that's the
9:30
Ryan: I,
9:30
Kearns: her.
9:31
Ryan: I didn't know that was gonna
9:32
Jon: Yeah.
9:33
Ryan: I thought she was gonna get spun around or something.
9:35
And then once I saw it coming, I was like, oh, this is, this is gonna be gruesome.
9:38
But I love how
9:40
Jon: Mm-hmm.
9:40
Ryan: isn't afraid to show the deaths.
9:42
Kearns: show
9:43
Ryan: like bring
9:43
Jon: they did not.
9:44
Shy away.
9:45
Kearns: the top and campy in a way too.
9:47
So it, it's, I don't
9:48
Ryan: Yep.
9:49
Kearns: makes it more
9:49
Jon: Mm-hmm.
9:50
Kearns: for some people.
9:50
I thought it was great.
9:52
laughed hysterically when she ate it.
9:54
'cause you don't, like they, they took the extra 40 seconds to make sure
9:57
you didn't like her, which made her
9:59
Ryan: Yep.
10:00
Kearns: better.
10:02
Um, man.
10:03
So the movie
10:04
Jon: Yep.
10:05
Kearns: right away to the cops and we get like the over the top
10:08
Jon: Mm-hmm.
10:08
Kearns: and we have, um, we have the actress named, uh, is it Joanna Brewster
10:14
Ryan: Jordana
10:15
Jon: Brewster.
10:16
Brewster.
10:16
Kearns: and Furious Fame.
10:18
And I think she's been in other
10:19
Jon: Mm-hmm.
10:19
Kearns: nobody would've seen those I'm sure.
10:22
And, and you shouldn't have seen more than one Fast and Furious,
10:25
by the way, if, if you're out
10:26
Ryan: uh, what?
10:28
Kearns: I will post up
10:29
Ryan: Um,
10:29
Kearns: Ryan
10:30
Ryan: I've,
10:30
Jon: I don't know.
10:31
Fast, fast and Furious after about the fourth one becomes a guilty pleasure.
10:37
Ryan: does,
10:37
Kearns: toto, because.
10:39
Jon: Yeah.
10:40
I, I like the Fast and Furious movies more as they get later in the series.
10:46
'cause they just get so ridiculous.
10:48
The first one is like, I don't, who cares?
10:51
Ryan: I the
10:52
Jon: Family.
10:52
Great.
10:53
Thanks.
10:53
Vin Family.
10:55
Kearns: written out and then written back in like seven movies
10:58
Ryan: yes
10:58
Kearns: This is so
10:58
Ryan: it.
10:59
Jon: Yeah.
11:00
Yeah.
11:00
He, he's,
11:01
Ryan: one.
11:02
Jon: yeah, he's out.
11:03
But, you know, Walker dies, so they have to bring Vin Diesel back or
11:08
else who's left in the franchise.
11:10
you can't run that franchise around the, side characters.
11:14
Ryan: What?
11:14
Tyrese?
11:15
Yeah.
11:16
You can what?
11:17
Jon: You know, you can't, no, you, they,
11:20
Ryan: Tyrese.
11:20
Jon: Tyrese is fine.
11:22
That character is, pretty thin.
11:25
Ryan: Yeah.
11:26
He's, he's
11:27
Jon: He's,
11:27
Ryan: one.
11:27
Kearns: Jordana Brewster,
11:29
Jon: yeah.
11:30
Kearns: so Jordan.
11:32
Jon: Jordana Brewster and her police.
11:34
Kearns: and she's investigating the crime
11:36
Jon: Mm-hmm.
11:36
Kearns: like pulling pieces of scalp outta the grape crusher.
11:38
It's pretty cool.
11:39
we do get an allusion to the Fast and the Furious because the detective she works
11:43
Jon: Mm-hmm.
11:43
Kearns: like pretty lame and thin is, um, what's his na last name?
11:48
Ryan: Hobbs.
11:49
Kearns: Right?
11:49
The Detective Hobbs.
11:51
Jon: One's Hobbes, one Shaw.
11:52
Yeah.
11:53
And that's Devin swa, who's, you know, you've seen and stuff.
11:57
He's the idle hands kid
11:58
Kearns: kind of
11:59
Ryan: Okay.
11:59
Jon: and
12:00
Kearns: prominent in this 'cause he's got chops.
12:03
It felt like
12:04
Jon: Yeah.
12:04
Yeah.
12:04
Kearns: character in
12:05
Jon: He,
12:07
Kearns: Like the, like
12:08
Ryan: Oh, is
12:08
Jon: I mean, he kind of was.
12:10
Kearns: and he shouldn't be background music.
12:11
I'll, put that out actually for you guys to discuss a little bit.
12:15
That guy's a good actor.
12:17
think he was in one of the X-Men
12:18
Jon: Mm-hmm.
12:20
Ryan: I didn't,
12:21
Jon: believe you're right.
12:22
Yeah.
12:22
Ryan: debut was in The Little Giants, which is one of my favorite movies.
12:27
And
12:28
Jon: Mm-hmm.
12:28
Ryan: he's, he's the human version of Casper.
12:30
Sorry, going through my childhood right now.
12:32
I didn't realize this was the guy.
12:34
Kearns: Oh, so every
12:35
Jon: forgot there was a human version of Casper.
12:37
Kearns: like a big
12:37
Ryan: Well,
12:38
Kearns: females when he was revealed and dances with her
12:41
Ryan: yep,
12:42
Kearns: the, like the lines, they all like fell in love with him
12:45
Ryan: yep.
12:46
Jon: Mm-hmm.
12:47
Ryan: two minutes
12:48
Kearns: and,
12:48
Ryan: and then he turns back
12:49
Kearns: and Casper.
12:50
They
12:50
Ryan: scares everyone.
12:52
Kearns: And then, you know, the rest of his career was
12:54
what it was, but it's not bad.
12:56
He just kind of vectored to
12:58
Jon: No, like he, yeah, he went into horror and then he went away
13:02
for a while kind of, and then he's.
13:04
The last few years, he's sort of reemerged in some, some good indie stuff.
13:09
Ryan: Okay.
13:09
Kearns: acting.
13:10
That's nice to hear.
13:12
Jon: Yeah,
13:13
Kearns: Well, in this movie, not so
13:15
Jon: yeah.
13:15
Kearns: just kind of there.
13:16
Maybe
13:16
Ryan: No.
13:17
Kearns: off like his second
13:18
Jon: No, he, yeah.
13:20
Yeah.
13:20
I think that this was a paycheck for him.
13:22
He didn't, he doesn't have much to do here.
13:25
Kearns: they head through and we get, we get introduced next.
13:27
We go into the rom-com aspect of the movie, which is significant.
13:31
There's a lot of rom-com stuff in this, and it's there deliberately.
13:35
It's not there just because they need rom-com stuff.
13:37
They're making fun of rom-coms.
13:40
Ryan: yep.
13:40
Kearns: that.
13:42
and we get to meet Ally.
13:45
Jon: Mm-hmm.
13:45
Kearns: suck with names.
13:46
Jon: Played by Olivia Holt.
13:48
Kearns: names
13:48
Ryan: Yep.
13:48
Kearns: week.
13:49
I'm very excited for myself and Ally's a marketing executive for a
13:52
stupid company about stupid things.
13:54
I think
13:55
Ryan: Yep.
13:55
Kearns: some jewelry or something not important.
13:59
Ryan: blood diamonds as she puts it.
14:01
Kearns: Yeah.
14:01
Jon: Yeah.
14:02
Blood diamonds.
14:03
Yeah.
14:03
And yeah.
14:05
And she's, she's created an ad campaign that is an absolute disaster.
14:10
Ryan: thought it was
14:11
Jon: I kind, I kinda liked it, but it's not good.
14:14
Kearns: not
14:15
Jon: mean,
14:15
Kearns: killer.
14:16
Jon: I under,
14:17
Ryan: fair.
14:18
Jon: I understand why it's not gonna work, because it's all about like
14:22
lost love and in the middle of a serial killer carving up the city on
14:26
Halloween, on Valentine, say Halloween.
14:29
Ryan: it's relating
14:29
Jon: Same difference.
14:30
Ryan: Halloween St. Valentine's Day.
14:32
Everything's the
14:33
Jon: both scary.
14:34
Kearns: It just,
14:35
Ryan: They all have
14:36
Jon: Equally scary.
14:37
Kearns: but it, it works.
14:38
And we get introduced to her counterpart 'cause they have
14:41
to have some romantic friction.
14:43
Ryan: Kim.
14:44
Kearns: incredibly good looking
14:45
Jon: Mm-hmm.
14:45
Kearns: I don't know his name,
14:47
Ryan: Jay
14:48
Jon: JJ
14:51
Ryan: Mason
14:52
Jon: Mason Gooden, Jr.
14:54
Kearns: Jr. And
14:54
Ryan: Gooden Junior.
14:55
Kearns: do.
14:55
They have like this stupid scene in the coffee shop, which is recreated from
14:58
another movie, I think with Kate Hudson.
15:02
Ryan: Yes.
15:02
Kearns: if that's her with
15:03
Jon: Yeah, I think
15:05
Ryan: Sleep is, oh, I was going with Sleepless with Seattle a little bit, or
15:09
Jon: Sleepless and ci, no.
15:11
Um, I owe the one Kate Hudson.
15:14
And was it that, oh, shoot.
15:17
I've actually seen that one
15:18
Kearns: of romcoms.
15:19
Jon: in my, she did.
15:20
I have two.
15:21
I dated somebody who loved romcoms, so I saw a lot of late nineties,
15:25
early two thousands Romcoms.
15:27
Kearns: I like crazy, stupid Love is like a good movie.
15:29
I watch that constantly.
15:31
I just
15:31
Ryan: Never seen it.
15:33
Kearns: It's, uh, Steve Corll and the gauze.
15:35
Ryan
15:36
Ryan: Oh, hold on.
15:37
That's, I thought that was just a comedy though.
15:39
Kearns: It is.
15:40
It's a romcom for sure.
15:42
Ryan: Is That's the one they beat each other up and then Oh, I know, yeah,
15:45
I know what you're talking about now.
15:46
Yeah.
15:47
Kearns: Oh
15:47
Ryan: That's the scene I've seen.
15:48
Kearns: that
15:48
Ryan: It's actually,
15:49
Kearns: see it
15:49
Jon: It is the Kate Hudson one, how to lose a guy in 10 days.
15:54
Ryan: I've, with, uh, Heath Ledger.
15:56
Kearns: Heath Ledgers.
15:57
No, it's
15:57
Jon: No,
15:58
Kearns: Ledger,
15:58
Jon: no, I think that was, I think that was Matthew McConaughey.
16:01
With Terry.
16:02
Terry?
16:02
Ryan: on.
16:03
Jon: No.
16:04
Was it, or was it Failure to launch with, um, Terry Bradshaw as his dad?
16:08
Ryan: Let's see.
16:08
Oh, no,
16:09
Jon: do I remember these stupid movies?
16:12
Ryan: how to Lose a guy in 10 days.
16:14
Kearns: Okay, so we got it.
16:15
I got
16:15
Ryan: You're right.
16:16
Jon: I think he might've also been in failure to launch.
16:19
I think Matthew McConaughey had a, had a little rom come.
16:22
Kearns: they do that for the coffee scene.
16:23
It's, but they already start making fun of it
16:26
Ryan: yep,
16:26
Kearns: they keep headbutting each other and they're like, oh my God,
16:28
Jon: Mm-hmm.
16:29
Kearns: super specific coffee order and the, the baristas like,
16:32
no, it's actually quite common.
16:33
Can you get outta the way?
16:34
And stuff like that.
16:36
Jon: Mm-hmm.
16:36
Kearns: get into the marketing portion where she sucks at her job and she's
16:39
gonna get fired and he gets brought
16:41
Jon: Mm-hmm.
16:42
And, and her boss is very Miranda Priestly.
16:46
Very, very, very Devil Wears Prada.
16:50
Ryan: Yep.
16:50
Jon: even, even the hair to some extent, like longer, but with like sort of
16:54
the same streaks and highlights in it.
16:57
Kearns: Yeah, you're right.
16:58
I didn't catch that actually.
17:00
I was too focused on the, what women want, kind of Mel Gibson,
17:04
what's her face from Twister.
17:08
Helen
17:08
Jon: Helen Hunt.
17:09
Kearns: The, that romcom thing that they did.
17:12
they, they
17:13
Jon: Mm-hmm.
17:13
Kearns: lot of stuff from a lot of different movies.
17:15
They're, they know their stuff in
17:17
Jon: they do.
17:18
Kearns: framework
17:19
Jon: they do.
17:19
And I mean, demon character basically talks in movies.
17:24
Ryan: Yeah.
17:25
Jon: She has whole sections of dialogue where she's just either quoting or just
17:31
using the names of movies as sentences.
17:35
Ryan: Which is nice.
17:35
It's like they had, they know their pop culture and they're bringing
17:39
it to the foreground for this
17:40
Jon: Yeah.
17:41
Ryan: And that's what I like about this film is it's very modern,
17:45
it's got that eighties vibe with the gore, the slasher style.
17:50
The villain.
17:53
it works.
17:54
And I'm shocked, like, uh, not a lot of people have talked
17:56
about this recently too.
17:59
Jon: I, I mean, it got buzz about this time last year when it came out.
18:04
It was that, but then like, if I remember right, it came out around the same times
18:10
as long legs and a couple of other things that were really way more hyped after.
18:15
So it sort of got buried?
18:17
Kearns: legs.
18:17
Ryan: can see that.
18:18
Yeah.
18:18
Kearns: I mean, the reception of long legs and stuff but comparatively,
18:23
as far as like horror movies coming out, this is another slasher,
18:27
Ryan: Yes,
18:27
Jon: Mm-hmm.
18:28
Kearns: is
18:28
Jon: Yeah.
18:29
Kearns: It's a fun ride and it's a good watch, but it's not like long legs
18:33
Jon: Mm-hmm.
18:34
Kearns: something that might be groundbreaking in the end.
18:36
I don't necessarily think that was, but it was more deep in the horror.
18:40
It was trying to scare you.
18:41
This movie's not trying to scare you.
18:44
Is that, am I?
18:45
Ryan: I jumped a couple
18:45
Jon: No.
18:47
Yeah.
18:47
I mean, it's got, it's got a couple jump scares to it, but it's not like,
18:51
like it's not focused on the scare.
18:53
Yeah.
18:54
Ryan: Fair.
18:55
Kearns: Mike Meyers slasher vibes and this a scary building of tension and stuff.
19:00
Now this is a ride.
19:01
You paid admission for
19:02
Ryan: Yep.
19:02
Kearns: and it's
19:03
Jon: Mm-hmm.
19:03
Kearns: it is.
19:05
Mm-hmm.
19:06
Jon: Yeah.
19:06
It works.
19:07
As for a fun time, it's a fun, like, it's a, you know, it's kind of a nice,
19:11
like if you're into horror, it's a nice Valentine's night date night movie.
19:16
Ryan: It's interesting how they sporadically appear, the horror
19:18
comedies, like, I think it's gotta be about 10 years now.
19:22
I might be misstating, but like, uh, happy Death Day.
19:26
That was a decent horror
19:28
Jon: Yeah.
19:29
Ryan: that's like, now it's like I, I would, I think it's 10
19:32
years later now, now we got hard
19:34
Jon: It is about 10 years, eh?
19:35
Ryan: Yeah.
19:35
So it's like sporadically we get these horror comedies that hit, that spot.
19:40
I would
19:41
Jon: Mm-hmm.
19:41
Ryan: like Evil Dead Rise.
19:43
I walked in thinking it was gonna be a horror comedy and that's
19:45
not even horror comedy anymore.
19:47
That's just like more
19:48
Jon: No,
19:49
Ryan: No,
19:49
Jon: no,
19:50
Ryan: so,
19:51
Jon: no.
19:52
they went straight horror there.
19:55
Ryan: I mean, so it's nice to see a movie like this, you know?
19:58
And I want, I would like to see
19:59
Jon: Mm-hmm.
20:00
Ryan: films like this.
20:00
'cause it's, inviting, I would say
20:03
Kearns: I want like three long legs.
20:06
I want more thinker ones.
20:09
Ryan: weapons
20:10
Jon: Yeah.
20:10
Kearns: Yeah.
20:11
Not just long legs, like weapons and like sinners.
20:14
Even things like that.
20:15
I, I like
20:16
Jon: Mm-hmm.
20:16
Ryan: her back.
20:17
Kearns: No, no.
20:19
Not, not more of that.
20:20
Not so much.
20:23
Hey, you wanna play a game?
20:26
Let's
20:26
Jon: Oh yeah, I have a game for you guys.
20:28
Kearns: All the ways.
20:28
Ryan's being a son of a bitch.
20:33
Jon: Oh, we're gonna play that game.
20:36
Kearns: Yeah.
20:36
Yeah.
20:36
Bring him
20:37
Ryan: Uh,
20:38
Jon: I have a,
20:38
Kearns: is.
20:40
Jon: I have a movie game for you guys.
20:43
Yeah.
20:44
We're gonna deviate from our normal slasher stash tonight and
20:50
we're gonna go to real or fake.
20:53
Ryan: one of 2026.
20:54
First one of
20:55
Jon: I have,
20:56
Kearns: on this.
20:56
Oh, no.
20:58
Jon: I have 10 movies for you.
21:00
Ryan: Okay.
21:00
Jon: of them are real.
21:01
Some of them came from my messed up brain.
21:04
Ryan: so here's the big question.
21:05
How did Allison do with the list?
21:09
Jon: Uh, she didn't take the test this time 'cause she was sitting with me
21:11
trying to develop some of the titles.
21:13
Ryan: Oh
21:14
Kearns: not,
21:14
Ryan: So we're,
21:15
Kearns: us at
21:15
Ryan: no, no, we're going in like blind on this one.
21:18
Well, we always go in blind, but
21:20
Kearns: Well, yeah, but we've sort of gotten used to John's, John's rhythm.
21:23
Jon: she did compliment my, imagination as we were doing this.
21:28
So,
21:30
Ryan: We went dark.
21:31
Okay.
21:31
Kearns: and do that.
21:34
Jon: I mean, I mean, li listen, you both know I dropped one.
21:39
Kearns: yeah.
21:39
Ryan: Y yeah.
21:40
Yeah.
21:41
I kind of wish
21:42
Jon: I'm gonna bring that back sometime.
21:44
Ryan: please.
21:45
Jon: that that's gonna show up somewhere.
21:48
That's gonna show up somewhere.
21:49
It was gonna be a killer goat movie
21:52
Ryan: I'm thinking the name.
21:54
Kearns: my Lord.
21:57
Jon: that has to do with throats.
21:59
Kearns: Well, there it is.
22:01
Jon: Yeah,
22:02
Ryan: It's,
22:03
Jon: I didn't say it.
22:03
So we're good?
22:04
Kearns: fine.
22:05
Ryan: you're
22:06
Jon: Yeah.
22:07
Ryan: You're
22:08
Jon: All right.
22:09
Movie number one, real or fake?
22:11
The title is Teeth.
22:15
Dawn learns she has a secret self-defense weapon.
22:18
When a fellow student attempts to assault her vagina, dentata,
22:24
Kearns: Real.
22:26
Jon: that one is real.
22:27
Ryan: Yeah.
22:27
Kearns: rare that I'm
22:28
Ryan: Oh, you've never seen teeth.
22:32
God bless you.
22:33
Kearns: you didn't see
22:33
Ryan: Like literally, God bless you.
22:35
Oh, I thought you were saying it.
22:36
You didn't see it.
22:37
That's why I was like, God bless you.
22:38
Oh, okay.
22:39
Yeah, that's a, that's a rough watch.
22:42
Kearns: there was a lot of late eighties anime, like gritty anime movies that
22:47
really delved into that subject matter,
22:52
so it didn't
22:52
Ryan: Yeah.
22:53
Kearns: me, but I was like, oh my God.
22:56
Ryan: The,
22:56
Jon: mm-hmm.
22:57
Ryan: of it to be like in the flesh though
22:59
Kearns: that for
23:00
Ryan: like,
23:00
Jon: Yeah.
23:01
Kearns: and health classes, school.
23:03
That'd be
23:04
Jon: Right.
23:06
that would be the only way you could make abstinence education work.
23:09
Ryan: yes.
23:10
Jon: If you do this, it might get bitten off.
23:13
Kearns: Even then though, they're like, what are my odds?
23:16
Ryan: Is it, is it 25 75 50?
23:19
Kearns: boy from that.
23:21
Jon: Coin flip.
23:21
Kearns: What are we talking about here?
23:23
All right, let's see.
23:26
Jon: All right.
23:27
Movie number two, Berry Gut.
23:31
B-E-R-R-Y.
23:34
a new fat diet is sweeping the nation as millions, ingest the latest superfood,
23:39
hoping for improved digestive health.
23:42
The side effects are deadly.
23:47
Ryan: B-E-R-R-Y.
23:53
I'm gonna go fake.
23:55
It's familiar to a creep show episode.
23:58
Kearns: I think it's fake too, but I'm gonna go real,
24:03
but
24:03
Jon: It's fake.
24:05
Kearns: I shoulda
24:05
Ryan: Did was your, was
24:07
Jon: see you trying to study my facial reactions.
24:11
Ryan: by any chance was your inspiration from creep show season one the weight
24:17
Jon: Nope.
24:17
Ryan: Nah, with weight loss
24:18
Jon: Nope,
24:19
Kearns: advertisements.
24:20
'cause that's all I see.
24:21
Jon: nope.
24:22
I mean, it may have, been like subtly injected through either
24:26
of those things, but no, that was
24:29
Kearns: All
24:29
Ryan: That's a
24:29
Jon: I.
24:30
Ryan: Barry Guts.
24:31
Kearns: disappointed in myself because I knew
24:33
Jon: Okay.
24:33
Kearns: All right, let's go.
24:37
Jon: Number three,
24:40
zombie ass toilet of the dead.
24:46
Me gummi and her friends are intent on enjoying a trip to the woods when
24:51
they're attacked by stinky zombies.
24:55
Kearns: You did this,
24:56
Ryan: See,
24:58
Kearns: Is, is this title translated?
25:00
Hold on.
25:00
I gotta look up.
25:01
Zombie ass translated into Japanese.
25:04
Is this a foreign film?
25:07
Jon: It is a Japanese film maybe.
25:10
Ryan: know.
25:10
Jon: Maybe
25:11
Ryan: He never messes with zombie films.
25:13
But yeah, I'm going to,
25:17
there is probably a, a market for this.
25:20
Kearns: Definitely a market.
25:21
Ryan: It probably is.
25:23
Kearns: real.
25:25
Ryan: I'm gonna go with the reel two.
25:27
I'm gonna go on this bandwagon.
25:29
Jon: this one's real.
25:31
Kearns: Yeah.
25:32
Jon: It's as bizarre as it sounds like it is too.
25:34
It's a,
25:35
Kearns: was like, oh,
25:35
Jon: it's there, there is a lot of farting in this movie and a lot of, yeah.
25:42
It's pretty funny though.
25:44
all right, I'm gonna skip that one for later.
25:47
movie number five, iron lung.
25:52
In the aftermath of the quiet rapture in which all known planets
25:57
have vanished, a convict is sent to explore a moon with an ocean of blood.
26:03
Kearns: I'd watch this.
26:05
Ryan: That does sound good.
26:09
Hmm.
26:16
Fake.
26:17
Kearns: It is fake.
26:20
It's really
26:21
Jon: It is real.
26:22
Ryan: real.
26:23
Jon: It's, uh, it's coming out right about now.
26:25
It's from, uh, that YouTube guy, Markly,
26:29
Kearns: Is it the guy who made
26:30
Jon: who's, uh,
26:31
Ryan: Yeah.
26:32
Jon: now he think he's a game guy.
26:35
Ryan: Okay.
26:37
Alright.
26:38
Jon: is,
26:38
Kearns: Cool.
26:39
Ryan: sounded like Waterworld for a second.
26:40
I was like, is he throwing this off with Kevin?
26:43
Reference blood?
26:46
Kearns: is blood.
26:46
Ryan: It's blood
26:47
Kearns: It's blood.
26:49
Ryan: blood.
26:51
Kearns: Okay, here we go.
26:52
Jon: this is,
26:53
Kearns: Here we go.
26:54
Jon: next movie, hammer toe.
27:02
Ryan: You, you didn't even listen to it.
27:04
Kearns: to.
27:05
Jon: After dying during a routine foot surgery, Henry is reanimated
27:10
as the vengeful hammer toe.
27:14
Kearns: I am sticking with fake
27:16
Ryan: I'm gonna take a chance.
27:17
I'll say real.
27:18
Kearns: and I've caught up.
27:20
Jon: This one's fake.
27:21
Kearns: Now we're tied again.
27:22
I think.
27:24
Jon: This one is fake.
27:26
Ryan: I would've
27:26
Jon: Uh, let's see.
27:28
Ryan: That was like ator vibes right there.
27:30
Kearns: hammer to, I was like, John, John made this happen.
27:34
Jon: Okay, let's see, let's, let's see how confident you are now.
27:38
Brain rot.
27:41
The latest viral video has left viewers as mindless, ravenous killing machines.
27:48
It's up to Wayne and Susan to delete the video before civilization ends.
27:54
Ryan: Real
27:58
Kearns: I feel like it could be real.
28:01
Wayne and Susan Fake.
28:06
Yes.
28:07
Jon: fake.
28:08
Kearns: Journey Boy takes the lead.
28:12
Ryan: damn it.
28:14
It's all right.
28:16
Jon: this one will be right up your Alley.
28:17
Ryan.
28:20
Next movie is Elbow Drop
28:25
Pro Wrestler Silas Reaper attempts the riskiest move of his career.
28:32
An elbow drop from the top of the jumbotron, but he
28:36
botches the move and dies.
28:39
Three years later, his former rivals are invited to a
28:43
mysterious wrestling promotion.
28:46
Kearns: this is fake.
28:47
It's your longest description.
28:51
Ryan: there's,
28:52
Jon: So far.
28:53
Kearns: Hmm.
28:54
Ryan: there is a wrestling movie though, you're just exactly explain the same.
29:01
I'm gonna go real.
29:01
I'm gonna take a chance.
29:02
Kearns: too.
29:03
Ryan: take a chance.
29:04
'cause there is a movie it Chris Jerichos in it.
29:08
Jon: Oh, that's dark match.
29:11
Kearns: Damn.
29:11
Ryan: Fake.
29:12
Fake.
29:14
Kearns: You can't change
29:14
Ryan: No, I'm joking.
29:15
Jon: I should have made you,
29:16
Ryan: there.
29:17
Jon: you locked in as, as real.
29:19
This is, this is fake.
29:20
Ryan: I was thinking up.
29:21
Jon: This is fake.
29:21
Kearns: really good one.
29:23
Jon: the only thing I needed help on that one was a wrestler name.
29:26
Like I was having a hard time coming up with a good wrestler name.
29:29
Ryan: was, that wasn't bad.
29:31
Kearns: Air.
29:32
Cyrus the virus.
29:33
Silas the virus
29:35
Jon: the virus.
29:37
Ryan: that was a manager in ECW.
29:39
My good sir. Callis.
29:41
Cyrus the virus.
29:43
Jon: Yep.
29:44
Yep.
29:45
All right.
29:46
Ready?
29:47
Ryan: Yes,
29:47
Jon: one.
29:48
Have you wait, have you guys figured out the theme yet?
29:51
'cause they are themed also.
29:52
Kearns: didn't.
29:53
Uh,
29:53
Ryan: Um,
29:54
Kearns: zombie ass feels very and a thematic here.
29:59
Uh,
30:01
Ryan: romanticism.
30:03
Jon: Nope.
30:03
Kearns: one one, a two orifice.
30:10
Jon: Think of the, think of the taint.
30:12
The names
30:14
Kearns: Uh
30:15
Jon: taints.
30:16
Think of the taint.
30:17
Kearns: I can't do that right now.
30:19
I don't remember any of
30:20
Jon: All right.
30:21
Ryan: zombie ass.
30:23
elbow drop
30:26
all parts of the body.
30:28
Jon: Yeah.
30:28
They're all body parts.
30:29
Kearns: heart, eyes.
30:31
Ryan: Ah,
30:32
Jon: Mm-hmm.
30:32
Kearns: All right.
30:32
All right.
30:33
Jon: Yeah.
30:34
Ryan: it.
30:34
Jon: We tie thing, we tie things together here at Xenomania.
30:37
Yeah.
30:38
Ryan: ass.
30:39
Jon: Um, next movie.
30:42
Armchair quarterback.
30:46
A rabid football fan is so angered by the play of his team, signal
30:51
caller that he abducts him.
30:53
Unbeknownst to the fan, the star QB is more than a mere football player.
30:59
Kearns: Real.
31:01
Ryan: Yeah.
31:01
I'm gonna go reel on that too.
31:03
Kearns: No way.
31:04
Jon: That one's fake.
31:06
Kearns: definitely a wild
31:06
Jon: It's
31:07
Kearns: involved here because we had you, we had you beat up last
31:11
Ryan: Yeah, we did
31:13
Kearns: All right.
31:14
Jon: ah,
31:15
Ryan: sounded
31:15
Jon: had to get help.
31:16
Ryan: like a
31:17
Jon: All right, I have two left for you guys.
31:21
Ryan: Alright,
31:21
Jon: Two.
31:24
Two, yeah.
31:25
I only have two left.
31:26
Uh, that's a shame.
31:27
Kearns: I.
31:28
Ryan: it's,
31:28
Jon: Yeah.
31:29
second to last movie is called, but Boy.
31:35
Recovering alcoholic.
31:36
Detective Fox is convinced that his sponsor Chip is the prime suspect in
31:42
his investigation of a missing child.
31:45
Even worse, he begins to suspect that people are disappearing up chip's.
31:51
But
31:53
Ryan: that's gotta be fake.
31:55
Please tell me that's fake.
31:57
Kearns: real.
31:59
I'm going with real on this one.
32:01
Jon: this is, this is 100% a real fucking movie.
32:05
Ryan: Jesus.
32:10
Kearns: Oh, no.
32:12
Okay.
32:13
Jon: I almost forgot about it too.
32:19
All right.
32:20
Which leaves us, leaves us with our final movie
32:28
Head
32:31
Ryan: He
32:32
Jon: Head.
32:33
Head
32:34
Ryan: al
32:34
Jon: while on a weekend camping trip, five friends discovered that they are
32:38
staying at the site of a mass murder.
32:42
History begins to repeat itself with the group's numbers, dwindling the twist.
32:48
The cast is all puppets.
32:51
Kearns: Ooh.
32:53
Ooh, my goodness.
32:56
I can't lose, so I can guess whatever I want.
33:02
Ryan: That's true.
33:03
I'll, I'm gonna, mm, I'm thinking of Team America.
33:07
Thunderbirds.
33:08
Kearns: He seems proud.
33:10
Ryan: I'll go fake with it too.
33:12
The puppets.
33:13
Kearns: true.
33:14
You
33:14
Ryan: It's real.
33:16
Kearns: It is real.
33:17
Always got it.
33:17
Right there.
33:19
Ryan: Hold on.
33:20
Jon: I can't get the glare off of it.
33:21
Hold on.
33:22
Ryan: to the right.
33:23
Kearns: Ah, Don't mess with the
33:25
Ryan: So
33:25
Kearns: over here on the side.
33:28
Ryan: is there,
33:29
Kearns: There you go.
33:29
Up a
33:30
Ryan: there we go.
33:31
Kearns: a little.
33:31
Ryan: Is it live?
33:32
Live action?
33:33
No, no.
33:34
Jon: Oh yeah.
33:35
Ryan: not live
33:36
Jon: I mean, it's live puppet action.
33:37
Ryan: was gonna say there's no real people.
33:40
Jon: there's some puppet on Puppet love.
33:42
Kearns: Team America.
33:44
Jon: Yeah.
33:45
And look, I mean, you'll notice in this bottom corner
33:48
here, my copy is autographed.
33:50
Ryan: cool.
33:51
Kearns: Good for you.
33:52
Ryan: Well, from director or director?
33:55
Jon: Yep.
33:55
Kearns: Yeah.
33:56
Ryan: Okay.
33:56
Jon: Director, writer, producer, probably voices.
34:01
Ryan: Oh, that's cool.
34:03
That's
34:04
Jon: Yeah,
34:06
Ryan: I did not think that was a hard one.
34:09
Kearns: that was a hard one.
34:10
Jon: I like that one.
34:11
Kearns: good.
34:12
Jon: That one was a lot of fun to make.
34:14
Kearns: You're absolutely out of your mind.
34:20
Ryan: Oh, that real.
34:23
Kearns: Let's get back into it, gentlemen.
34:26
Ryan: I'm still sinking of the second to last movie.
34:28
That can't, that's really a real movie.
34:31
I'm sorry.
34:32
Jon: It's really a real movie.
34:33
Kearns: stuff, I forget what the name of it
34:35
Jon: Really real.
34:36
Kearns: I'm,
34:36
Jon: But boy,
34:37
Kearns: of getting one.
34:37
Right.
34:39
Ryan: but boy.
34:41
Kearns: Ah, man.
34:41
All right.
34:42
Back to hard eyes.
34:43
So we have, uh, this
34:45
Jon: yeah, I don't know.
34:46
I don't know how you do what you do.
34:48
Kearns: Are you so in love with
34:51
Jon: I'm so in love with you.
34:53
Just keeps getting better.
34:55
Kearns: Oh no, he is doing it again.
34:59
Ryan: I am digging it.
35:00
Kearns: be you look like you, are you
35:02
Ryan: I'm dig it.
35:02
Kearns: creature.
35:03
You so hard eyes.
35:05
Uh, this movie does have a, a significant issue in that it, there's
35:09
not a tremendous amount of kills.
35:12
The kill count is pretty low.
35:15
Ryan: Yes
35:15
Kearns: that
35:15
Ryan: and
35:16
Kearns: to be an issue,
35:17
Jon: The onscreen.
35:18
Kearns: yeah.
35:19
Jon: onscreen is low.
35:20
It's implied that there's two years worth of multiple killings in other cities.
35:26
And you know, one of the news reports mentions I think like
35:30
two more couples were killed.
35:32
Kearns: Yeah,
35:33
Jon: Like it, there's a lot of offscreen as well as the onscreen ones.
35:38
Ryan: which it's not bad 'cause it worked for this film, but I feel like
35:44
it would've added more if someone close to Allie would've died like her friend.
35:50
Jon: Mm-hmm.
35:51
Ryan: Like I was expecting her to die, but
35:54
Kearns: Yep.
35:54
Ryan: nothing happens and it's,
35:56
Jon: Mm-hmm.
35:57
Ryan: feel like her death would've made it a little more better
36:00
Kearns: after
36:01
Ryan: it would've put
36:02
Jon: Mm-hmm.
36:02
Kearns: kind of only go after Ally and Jay 'cause they mistaken them for a couple.
36:06
But then we find out later on that the killer that they take down first spoiled
36:12
is, um, is a dude from her dating app.
36:15
Right.
36:17
Jon: Mm-hmm.
36:18
Kearns: like, it's weird how that works.
36:20
Jon: No, the, he, he could, they, the first one they take out is just
36:24
sort of like a random follower.
36:27
So I guess we'll get into spoiler territory right now and say there
36:31
are three hard eyes killers.
36:33
Ryan: there are.
36:34
Jon: this is a sort of poly throuple.
36:38
Kearns: It is exactly what it is.
36:39
Actually, they're, they're Trojan
36:41
Jon: I don't know how, I don't know how much I, I don't know how much the poly
36:46
aspect is there because they, like, when, when their third is, is dead, they're,
36:52
I mean, they're upset, but it's not
36:54
Kearns: He's replaceable.
36:55
Jon: They're just sort of,
36:56
Ryan: Yeah.
36:57
Jon: he was a follower.
36:58
He was replaceable, like he was the two main ones.
37:04
The, the couple are the really.
37:07
The irreplaceable Hard eyes elements.
37:10
Ryan: Yeah.
37:11
Agreed.
37:12
Kearns: who they are soon.
37:13
Um, anything from the point where we are, where Jay and Allie are kind of to
37:20
Ryan: The
37:21
Kearns: the ending sequence where they kill the first one.
37:23
Anything you guys
37:23
Jon: Yeah.
37:24
basically from the first time they encounter Hard Eyes, it's a, a Chase
37:29
movie and that, first encounter in Allie's apartment when she opens the
37:34
closet door to try to hide the sex toy,
37:38
Ryan: I said
37:39
Jon: and,
37:40
Ryan: I, I had to rewind that.
37:41
Jon: and,
37:42
Ryan: Jada, I, I was laughing.
37:44
Jada was like, why are you laughing?
37:45
I rewound it.
37:46
I was like, just watch this.
37:47
And she started dying laughing.
37:49
And I was like, it's like it's something you're not expecting in a horror film.
37:53
Kearns: There's a lot
37:53
Ryan: Which
37:54
Jon: mm-hmm.
37:54
Ryan: makes it good,
37:55
Kearns: be humor stuff.
37:57
This, the
37:58
Jon: Mm-hmm.
37:58
Kearns: stuff like kind of overwhelms the horror stuff in this movie.
38:03
Ryan: makes it an easy watch.
38:05
If you're like reish with like death and gore and all that,
38:09
it makes it a little easier.
38:10
I feel.
38:12
It's welcoming.
38:13
Very welcoming.
38:16
Ooh,
38:17
Jon: Mm-hmm.
38:17
Ryan: that.
38:17
Kearns: also makes the movie a bit more unique.
38:19
There hasn't been a movie like this in a while.
38:21
Like, I'm not saying this is like
38:22
Jon: Mm-hmm.
38:23
Kearns: worthy or anything like that, but it is unique and it does get the job done.
38:28
Jon: Yeah.
38:29
So after the first encounter, the cops arrest Jay, and it, it certainly
38:35
seems like they plant evidence on Jay.
38:38
The Hobbs and Shaws seem like they're planting evidence.
38:41
Ryan: Yep,
38:41
Jon: They have a mask and, a knife that we all know, having seen Jay never had.
38:48
And you go, to the police station, you get, you know, some more deaths there,
38:53
Kearns: eyes
38:54
Jon: it's, it's,
38:55
Kearns: station.
38:55
How weird.
38:57
Jon: yep.
38:57
Ryan: Yeah.
38:58
Yep.
38:59
Jon: go home.
39:00
You know, there happens to be an IT guy at the police station who, who
39:06
recognizes, recognizes Ali from Bumble or whatever what, I forget what app
39:13
they said she was on, but Bumble
39:16
Ryan: Bumble.
39:19
Jon: I, he, you know, he recognizes her but it's kind of like a throwaway little
39:23
thing in the moment and then hard eyes attacks and that's where you kind of
39:28
lose one of the people you would think is the primary suspect in Devin Sah.
39:34
'cause he get hi, his time in hard eyes is brief.
39:38
Ryan: Yeah, it is.
39:40
It's like right in the beginning, like a quarter through, right,
39:46
Jon: He gets to about halfway, but it's really like three scenes.
39:49
Ryan: Yeah.
39:51
Jon: He, gets the scene at the vineyard.
39:53
He gets the scene when they arrest Jay, and he gets an interrogation
39:56
scene and that's about it for him.
39:58
Ryan: Yeah, he was, it was a quick turnaround.
40:01
Jon: Mm-hmm.
40:03
And like, I mean, from there it just like, it gets you into even more
40:07
of an on the run, you know, running through carnivals and drive-ins and
40:12
hiding in, in the hippies van while the hippies have sex in the back and
40:17
they're, they're trying to warn them.
40:19
Ryan: the whole drive-in scene is interesting because the
40:23
hard eyes, HEK goes crazy.
40:25
He just starts killing everyone.
40:27
Jon: Yeah.
40:28
Ryan: like there's, there's all your death right there, but it's
40:30
like cramped up in one scene, which
40:33
Jon: Mm-hmm.
40:35
Ryan: Yeah.
40:35
I
40:35
Jon: Mm-hmm.
40:36
Ryan: in certain movies.
40:38
It worked in this one, but sometimes
40:39
Jon: Mm-hmm.
40:40
Ryan: chance I feel 'cause
40:42
Jon: Yeah.
40:42
'cause it, it's the moment that hard eyes is completely out of character.
40:47
Kearns: Oh, fair
40:48
Jon: It's not couples anymore, it's more indiscriminate.
40:52
Ryan: And maybe that's why they didn't care because.
40:55
The guy wasn't in their vision.
40:56
The guy was just maybe there just to kill.
41:00
Jon: Mm-hmm.
41:01
Kearns: love of the
41:02
Ryan: Yeah.
41:03
Jon: I mean, he's certain.
41:04
Yeah.
41:05
So after offering some hippies, Jay and Ali managed to, take that one out.
41:13
And you know, if you're paying attention to how much time is left in a movie
41:17
or how long you've been watching a movie, you know, that can't be the end.
41:20
Ryan: I paused it and I saw how much time, I'm like, how
41:22
are we gonna do this right now?
41:24
'cause they just killed the
41:25
Jon: Yeah.
41:26
are we just going like full romcom from here out?
41:29
Like what are we doing
41:30
Kearns: and switch on you, but now they use a
41:33
Jon: right.
41:33
Kearns: They take him out.
41:35
Ryan: Yep.
41:35
Kearns: then we get kind of a resolution scene, don't we?
41:40
A little bit.
41:41
Don't they like get together a little bit?
41:43
forget how that goes.
41:44
Right after he dies.
41:47
Jon: right after the first hard eyes, they sort of end awkwardly and Jay's
41:52
going to the airport to get on the plane to go to his friend's wedding.
41:54
And, Ally goes home and she's mopey and she talks to Monica,
41:59
who in a, slew of movie quotes, convinces her to go after Jay
42:05
Kearns: and then we
42:06
Jon: and she gets to the airport.
42:07
And No, Jay,
42:09
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
42:10
Jon: Jay has been kidnapped by,
42:13
Kearns: Not
42:13
Jon: no.
42:14
At that point he's kidnapped.
42:15
He's kidnapped by the remaining hard eyes killers who are now revealed.
42:21
Kearns: to tell the difference between
42:22
Ryan: Yep.
42:22
Kearns: and kidnapped.
42:24
Jon: Uh,
42:25
Ryan: Jesus,
42:26
Kearns: Uh, zing.
42:28
Hey, sometimes the comedy's dark.
42:31
Jay has been kidnapped, detained,
42:36
Ryan: detained.
42:38
Kearns: Allie has to go and, and get 'em,
42:41
Ryan: And that's
42:42
Jon: Yep.
42:42
Ryan: big reveal happens.
42:44
And we see
42:45
Jon: Yep.
42:45
Ryan: Janine Shaw, our detective, and David, the IT guy.
42:50
Jon: Yeah.
42:51
Who are very much in love and traveling the country annually to kill people.
42:56
Ryan: I'll say this,
42:57
Kearns: people, couples do stuff
42:58
Jon: Yeah.
42:59
Kearns: which
43:00
Jon: I mean, yeah.
43:01
It's a, it's a, and they, they identify it as a fetish
43:08
Kearns: is
43:08
Jon: and I mean, listen.
43:10
Kearns: this is a fetish
43:11
Jon: Yep.
43:12
Kearns: crusher.
43:14
Ryan: Yep.
43:14
Jon: Mm-hmm.
43:15
Mm-hmm.
43:16
And, you know, listen, I'm all for your fetishes, but this
43:20
one's probably a little too much
43:22
Ryan: It's to the extreme.
43:24
Kearns: Pretty safe statement to make.
43:26
Yeah.
43:26
Jon: to the extreme.
43:28
They rock the mic like a vandal.
43:30
Kearns: Oh, what is wrong with you today?
43:32
That's not
43:33
Ryan: Yes.
43:33
Kearns: Valentine's Day song.
43:37
Jon: No.
43:38
Nope, nope.
43:39
I, it's, I just can't help it.
43:40
Somebody says to the extreme and I hear Vanilla ice.
43:44
Kearns: you should probably get that
43:44
Jon: I'm sorry.
43:45
Kearns: so at this point, um, we have to get our two heroine, or heroine and hero.
43:52
We have to get them over the top.
43:54
They've gotta beat Hobbes and Shaw.
43:55
How do they do it?
43:58
Ryan: Well, they give Allie an offer as Jay is tied up in front of her and
44:03
they say, you know, we realize you're not a couple so you can prove it.
44:07
We have a revolver right there.
44:09
One bullet.
44:10
You're either gonna put a bullet in your head to show that you love
44:13
him, or you're gonna shoot him and kill him and you can walk free.
44:19
she pulls the trigger, shoots him in the shoulder, but as the bullet
44:23
hits his shoulder, CSI Mode, it goes through his back shoulder and hits
44:28
Detective Shaw right in the abdomen
44:33
and she
44:33
Jon: Which is really pretty amazing for Ally, considering her first
44:38
efforts at shooting at Hard Eyes in the police station, where she
44:42
misses every single shot badly.
44:45
Ryan: That is an awesome shot, uh, awesome scene.
44:47
It reminded me of the
44:48
Jon: Mm-hmm.
44:49
Ryan: when the guy keeps missing him with the sniper.
44:51
Jon: Mm-hmm.
44:53
Ryan: He hates these cans.
44:55
Kearns: So, uh, from there, the, the scramble occurs and we've got
45:01
Ryan: Yep.
45:01
Jon: Mm-hmm.
45:01
Kearns: injured Jay, Allie and it
45:04
Ryan: Yep.
45:04
Kearns: Dan, whatever his name is,
45:08
Ryan: That's it,
45:08
Kearns: thin, like, I mean, you get to your, your battle.
45:11
They overcome notable there, you
45:14
Jon: Mm-hmm.
45:14
Kearns: explore.
45:16
There's not much to it.
45:17
Jon: Uh, it's a pretty straightforward hero, villain and battle.
45:23
Kearns: then
45:24
Ryan: this.
45:25
Jon: You know, you get the moments where it looks like, uh, oh,
45:28
Jay and and Allie are in danger, and they rally and, you know,
45:33
Kearns: is that,
45:33
Ryan: I appreciated
45:34
Jon: win.
45:35
Ryan: effects.
45:35
Kearns: they didn't,
45:36
Ryan: I
45:36
Kearns: skimp on that.
45:38
Ryan: like, yeah, David getting the, the wax on him and getting em
45:42
Moated, to Shaw, getting her head cut off and put on the sort of St.
45:47
Valentine getting her head cut off.
45:49
Like, it's like you're not expecting that, especially how the film has been.
45:54
Like, you get that one big scene in the beginning when the woman gets
45:57
crushed the knife in the eye and you're like, okay, but it's an art.
46:02
And they, they made it work and the special effects really
46:05
stand out, especially when a time when everything's like CGI,
46:10
Jon: Mm-hmm.
46:10
Ryan: still have something important to do in horror and it shows.
46:15
Kearns: I appreciated the choice of using the Arrow.
46:17
By the way, I don't know if you
46:19
Ryan: Yep.
46:19
Kearns: on that Cupid's
46:20
Ryan: Ryan the eye.
46:21
Kearns: not even that.
46:22
Just Cupid Valentine's Day, not Ball
46:25
Jon: Mm-hmm.
46:26
Kearns: stuff like that.
46:27
Having the killer utilize that, even though it was out of a force
46:30
multiplier and not a cross bow or a bow itself, they use that.
46:36
Ryan: The throwing knives.
46:37
Those were a nice touch too with the little heart in it.
46:40
Kearns: a machete, they use a bunch of stuff.
46:41
But I did appreciate the arrow.
46:43
I did appreciate the arrow.
46:45
It was a mainstay
46:46
Ryan: I let, did you like how it like, like expanded with the push of a button?
46:52
Kearns: it was
46:53
Ryan: Yeah.
46:54
Kearns: It was cool.
46:55
But
46:55
Jon: Mm-hmm.
46:56
Kearns: hard Eyes.
46:56
Um, there's not really
46:58
Ryan: Yeah.
46:58
Kearns: explore.
46:59
That's the,
47:00
Jon: We, I mean, we end up with the one year jump and the stereotypical
47:06
romcom ending with the proposal and, you know, Jay and Ellie
47:11
are now engaged and so sweet.
47:14
Kearns: a bit of a twist to come on air.
47:16
Maybe hard eyes
47:17
Ryan: Well, you get
47:19
Jon: Mm-hmm.
47:20
Oh, um, mm-hmm.
47:23
Kearns: hear
47:23
Ryan: And
47:23
Jon: There is a, there is, the sequel has been rumored, so
47:28
Kearns: Ooh.
47:28
It did just well enough.
47:30
Just well enough maybe got some of that sweet, sweet Netflix
47:34
Jon: it also, it also probably didn't cost a lot to make.
47:40
Ryan: oh,
47:41
Kearns: Let's see.
47:41
Ryan: let's see.
47:42
Kearns: What's the, well, he's doing that.
47:44
What's the mid credited scene?
47:47
Ryan: Mid credited scene is Allie receiving a phone call
47:51
and it's a prank from Monica.
47:53
And then as she congratulates the couple, the call cuts off immediately right in
47:59
the middle so it, it can lead to a sequel.
48:02
But I was gonna say the budget was $18 million and they
48:05
made $33.1 million off of it.
48:09
Kearns: 18 mil.
48:10
That's
48:10
Jon: Yep.
48:11
That's good enough to make a sequel.
48:13
Yeah.
48:14
Ryan: I mean,
48:15
Jon: good enough for a sequel and it's probably done pretty well.
48:19
Yeah, it's probably done pretty well streaming and at
48:22
home and overseas and stuff.
48:24
It's, I mean, that's a pretty good return for that kind of movie.
48:30
Ryan: I mean, 78% on Rotten Tomatoes,
48:32
Kearns: That's a good score.
48:33
Jon: Yeah.
48:33
It's, I mean, it's hung in there.
48:35
Yeah.
48:36
Ryan: score.
48:36
Jon: Because they like, I mean.
48:40
You get the, Rotten Tomatoes number is, uh, you know, we know at this
48:46
point a little skewed because it's the number of positive reviews overall.
48:50
So it could be 51 a, like a 5.1 review, but it's still considered positive.
48:57
Ryan: True.
48:58
Jon: But, you know, it think, I don't know.
49:00
I found us some reviews.
49:02
I didn't find a lot to dislike about Hard Eyes, but I found us some people who
49:06
didn't like it and some people who did,
49:08
Kearns: we do
49:09
Jon: if you'd like to hear.
49:11
Ryan: I'm curious.
49:11
Jon: Yeah, so Five Star absolutely loved this movie.
49:16
It had moments that were kind of cringey, but it was so cheesy and
49:20
funny that I would watch it again.
49:22
If you like Slashers romance and comedy, then this movie ticks all of the boxes.
49:29
I would, agree with most of that.
49:30
I don't think it's not a five.
49:32
Kearns: no.
49:33
Jon: I would agree with, I would agree with, you know, pretty
49:36
much everything else in there.
49:37
It is.
49:38
It has its cringey moments.
49:39
It's definitely cheesy, but it's the fun cheese.
49:42
Kearns: at a genre blending, which makes it difficult to give it a, like,
49:45
to rate it against horror movies, uh,
49:49
Jon: Mm-hmm.
49:49
Kearns: is out there, it is in the Venn diagram,
49:52
Jon: Mm-hmm.
49:52
Kearns: all right.
49:53
Five.
49:53
Huh?
49:55
Jon: Yep.
49:55
Yep.
49:57
Somebody else.
49:57
Less so One star.
50:00
Ryan: Okay.
50:00
Jon: This movie was genuinely unbearable.
50:04
The acting, the dialogue, the plot, all very unbearable.
50:09
And this is my first rotten tomato re tomato review I've
50:12
ever written in 20 years.
50:14
It made me so mad when I seen this movie was rated 80%.
50:19
Please do not spend money to see this in theaters.
50:22
Ryan: the person who brought it down to 79.
50:24
Kearns: gonna say this, this person
50:26
Jon: Yeah.
50:26
Kearns: that the
50:27
Jon: Yeah.
50:28
Kearns: people would disagree with this person.
50:29
I've met this person before
50:31
Jon: Yeah, I mean they, they, that, that's always my least favorite rationale
50:36
for a bad re review is this is rated too high, so I have to make it lower.
50:41
Kearns: good luck with that buddy.
50:44
nah,
50:44
Jon: Yeah.
50:45
Kearns: you, thought you were getting a different movie.
50:48
That's probably what happened here.
50:50
Jon: Mm-hmm.
50:51
Mm-hmm.
50:52
Ryan: romcom.
50:53
Jon: And I,
50:54
Kearns: the
50:54
Jon: I,
50:54
Kearns: way, but I appreciate that
50:56
Ryan: Oh.
50:56
Jon: yeah, I think probably it is probably straight horror there, but I
51:01
found someone who liked it even less.
51:05
Oh yeah.
51:06
We have a half star review and it starts, I would've loved to, gave
51:12
this piece of crap zero points.
51:15
Kearns: the misspellings.
51:16
It's my favorite part.
51:20
Jon: The characters were so dumb and poor written.
51:24
The story was total nonsense and the acting was terrible.
51:29
I cannot understand any of the positive reviews here.
51:33
Don't waste your time.
51:36
Kearns: Well, I I could see why some people go there,
51:39
but it's not that serious.
51:40
You've gotta, like I
51:41
Ryan: Yeah.
51:42
Kearns: blending and stuff, you have to rub your two brain
51:44
Jon: Mm-hmm.
51:44
Kearns: Mr. Half star review and understand that this isn't that.
51:49
This is a different
51:50
Jon: They're not, there's not a reinvention here.
51:53
This isn't something that's meant to be sinners or Frankenstein or weapons.
51:59
This is, you know, it's sort of a, the horror elements are sort of retro.
52:05
they sort of go back to, you know, the eighties and nineties slashers
52:09
with romcom thrown in and it's fine.
52:13
You,
52:13
Ryan: it's supposed to be fun.
52:14
It's supposed to.
52:15
Jon: yeah.
52:16
Ryan: to think, you're supposed to go
52:18
Jon: Yeah.
52:19
Ryan: it, get some laughs.
52:20
Uh, ironically, get some laughs,
52:23
Jon: Mm.
52:23
Ryan: kills, and just have a good time.
52:25
Like
52:25
Jon: Yeah.
52:26
Ryan: serious.
52:26
Like okay to take some, as we've mentioned, sinners,
52:30
weapons, uh, bring her back.
52:32
It's
52:32
Jon: Yeah,
52:33
Ryan: film seriously, but you know, there's these slashers that
52:37
you don't have to take seriously.
52:39
Kearns: Some of 'em are big
52:40
Jon: yeah,
52:41
Kearns: you know, like particularly in that
52:43
Jon: yeah.
52:47
Have fun with it.
52:48
I, I mean, so I would say, you know, my, I would, you know, sort of split the
52:55
difference here and I'd go about a 3.5.
52:57
Ryan: I am with you on
52:58
Jon: It's about a 3.5 for me.
53:00
Kearns: for this one either.
53:00
I'll stick to that.
53:01
Um, yeah,
53:03
Ryan: we all agree.
53:04
Kearns: to three, but I don't wanna, I don't wanna join the idiots.
53:07
Like I'll give it a three five because it was a risk too.
53:10
they didn't have to try something new and they did and it worked.
53:13
And Bravo.
53:14
Jon: Yeah.
53:14
Yeah.
53:15
Kearns: kind of thing.
53:15
I liked it.
53:16
Jon: Yeah.
53:17
Ryan: It's a monumental
53:18
Jon: Don't, don't make a sequel.
53:20
Kearns: Yeah.
53:21
Jon: We don't need a sequel necessarily, but
53:23
Kearns: you know, I,
53:24
Jon: you know,
53:24
Kearns: this right after I watched Begonia, which is a great film.
53:29
Jon: that's, that's quite a, quite a split in movies right there.
53:34
Kearns: I expected myself, like afterward to be like, well, I did.
53:38
My initial reaction to this was like, Ugh, what am I watching?
53:40
But then I just, I was like, no, this is the vibe.
53:42
This is the ride.
53:43
You, you got on a different kind of ride.
53:45
Jon: Yeah,
53:45
Kearns: as soon as I brain
53:47
Jon: yeah,
53:47
Kearns: minutes into the movie, I was, I started to really enjoy it more.
53:51
So I think it's what you people have to do out there.
53:53
If you haven't seen it yet and you've listened to this whole episode, oops,
53:56
maybe you shouldn't do that next time.
53:57
And also, just enjoy it.
54:00
Switch it up.
54:01
When you, you're watching different types of horror movies
54:04
Ryan: Yeah.
54:04
Kearns: your expectations,
54:07
Ryan: And have fun.
54:09
Jon: yeah,
54:10
Kearns: the
54:10
Jon: yeah.
54:11
Allow yourself to have fun with movies.
54:14
Ryan: Yeah.
54:15
Even the serious films.
54:17
Kearns: Yeah.
54:17
Well, that's like my favorite,
54:19
Jon: Yeah,
54:20
Ryan: Yeah.
54:20
Kearns: honest.
54:21
Ryan: Irishman fellas.
54:25
Kearns: Random,
54:27
Jon: bring her back.
54:28
Kearns: go with it, but yeah.
54:29
Ryan: Bring her back.
54:30
Kearns: List.
54:31
I mean, you know, these great
54:32
Ryan: Oh, I was gonna mention that.
54:34
You went, you went, you went on that route.
54:36
I was.
54:36
Kearns: it to be
54:37
Jon: Yeah.
54:37
Kearns: because like, you
54:38
Ryan: I love
54:39
Jon: Boy, in the stripe pajamas,
54:40
Ryan: God.
54:41
No, don't,
54:42
Jon: is beautiful.
54:44
Yeah.
54:45
Kearns: sideways is a great movie.
54:46
The fake Charles Bukowski quote in that movie is also phenomenal.
54:51
Uh, all right, everybody.
54:53
You ready?
54:53
Ryan: All right.
54:54
Ready?
54:54
Kearns: Top
54:55
Ryan: For top fives.
54:56
All right.
54:57
So tonight
54:58
Jon: Top fives.
54:59
Ryan: top five relationships in films.
55:03
Figured it's
55:04
Jon: Okay.
55:04
Ryan: Day, or it's the week of Valentine's Day.
55:07
Let's go for it.
55:08
And it, listen, sometimes when you love something, it doesn't have to be a person.
55:15
And Arne 1983 and John Carpenter's Christine, it wasn't a person, it
55:21
was a car that luscious, oh, the luscious 1958 Plymouth all red bright.
55:28
But don't SCO in the car.
55:31
'cause it's, it's a little jealous and it's gonna start going crazy when you know
55:36
it's learning that you're getting treated badly and it's not a good relationship.
55:40
I mean, for Arnie it was till, the end, which leads to number
55:44
four to another relationship.
55:47
You know, you just gotta keep feeding me, Seymour.
55:50
And that's Little Shop of Horse, uh, uh, 1986.
55:55
Love it.
55:55
Uh, Rick Morran.
55:56
Kearns: too, so this one's really gonna be one of his favorites.
55:59
Jon: Yeah.
56:00
Yeah.
56:01
Ryan: uh, what you don't like little she horse.
56:03
Not even a little
56:04
Jon: It is fine.
56:05
It it's fine.
56:06
I, I have a little love for it, but yeah, no, in general,
56:09
I'm not big on the musical.
56:11
Ryan: you.
56:11
To, you like the original one more?
56:13
The black and white one.
56:16
Jon: Yeah,
56:17
Ryan: The,
56:17
Jon: yeah.
56:17
That's fair to say.
56:19
Okay.
56:20
Like it's a, it's fine.
56:21
It's, I've nothing against it.
56:23
It's just the musical element holds it back.
56:26
Ryan: Uh, I love the music and I don't know, just seeing
56:29
Rick Moranis and Ellen Green.
56:32
You got Vincent Gardenia, Steve Martin, and the voice
56:35
of Levi Stubbs as Audrey too.
56:38
It just works.
56:39
And the relationship that Seymour has with Audrey One and trying
56:42
to help her out and trying to help his beautiful plant archery.
56:46
Two out.
56:47
It's just the whole mess of fun.
56:49
And if you've never seen it, give it a shot.
56:51
It's got like a Rocky Horror picture Show vibe.
56:53
I feel
56:54
Jon: It does, yeah.
56:55
Yeah.
56:55
Kearns: saves
56:56
Jon: that.
56:56
Kearns: and brings it to
56:57
Jon: I.
56:57
Kearns: level too.
56:58
And you have Audrey too.
56:59
Ryan: Oh yeah.
57:00
Kearns: the voice and everything, but when you say have the, like, the way
57:03
they're doing the mannerisms of the plant while it's speaking and during
57:06
those scenes elevates that movie
57:08
Jon: Mm-hmm.
57:08
Kearns: a bit.
57:09
Jon: Yeah.
57:10
Ryan: Oh hell yeah.
57:11
And just, you know, the Feed Me Seymour, it's just, it sticks with you.
57:14
Since a kid like this franchise, listen, I always mention it.
57:18
I love it.
57:19
It is scream, I'm gonna say it, but it's the relationship between
57:22
Gale Weathers and Dewey Riley.
57:25
right.
57:26
That relationships
57:27
Jon: right.
57:28
Ryan: started in 1996.
57:30
Exactly when Courtney Cox and David Arquette actually
57:32
started their relationship.
57:33
And I guess each movie follows each step when, you know, they meet and
57:39
scream, you know, they're like estranged in two, they're separated in three,
57:44
married in four, divorced in five.
57:46
You get this like whole like side story of their relationship and it's
57:51
pretty cool for a horror film it's
57:53
Jon: Mm-hmm.
57:54
And,
57:54
Ryan: long
57:55
Jon: in the middle of all that, in the middle of all that, you get
57:57
David Arquette as WCW Champion.
58:00
Ryan: Yes.
58:02
He beat Jeff Jar in a three steel cage match, like the movie,
58:05
um, uh, what was that movie?
58:09
Jon: Oh yeah.
58:10
Um, beyond the mat?
58:12
Ryan: No,
58:13
Jon: No.
58:13
Yeah, no.
58:15
That was the documentary.
58:16
I know.
58:17
A movie.
58:17
Uh, sh Yeah,
58:21
Ryan: in it.
58:22
I will rule you.
58:24
Jon: yeah.
58:25
I'm blanking on the name.
58:27
Ryan: Wow.
58:28
Kearns: do something.
58:28
Ryan: Good.
58:29
Kearns: love a lot of plastic surgery, so I'm trying to, I'm
58:33
trying to derail this completely.
58:35
Courtney Cox looks like this.
58:38
Now.
58:39
Jon: I love you.
58:40
You're so hot on that show.
58:43
Kearns: Cox
58:43
Ryan: What
58:44
Kearns: this
58:44
Ryan: friends?
58:45
Kearns: This is what she looks like and.
58:48
I am not
58:49
Ryan: Ooh,
58:50
Kearns: like into super
58:52
Ryan: I'm sorry.
58:52
Kearns: work.
58:53
I mean, that's a kind photo too.
58:55
There's some worse ones out there.
58:57
So me, every time I see Courtney Cox, I see this,
59:05
Ryan: Listen, anything after 1996 is downhill.
59:08
I'm sorry.
59:09
Don't strike me down, please.
59:11
Kearns: I see.
59:11
Ryan: Oh, Jesus.
59:14
You went with Hannibal.
59:16
You went with vigor.
59:17
You went with vigor right here.
59:18
Kearns: did.
59:19
And I also, I
59:20
Jon: Whoa.
59:21
Kearns: Googled that as gross guy from Hannibal, by the way.
59:24
And he popped right up.
59:26
So I'm very proud of myself.
59:27
Jon: Of course you did.
59:28
Ryan: that's after.
59:29
Kearns: should be looking, you know, normal like, like
59:33
I'm not gonna yell at anybody.
59:34
They can do what they want with themselves, but she just, I
59:35
just wish that she didn't look like the guy from Hannibal.
59:38
Now that's all.
59:40
Ryan: should have, she should have taken the substance.
59:42
That's all I'm gonna say.
59:43
Kearns: been a decent one to cast in that movie, but I think
59:45
she looks like she has too much
59:47
Jon: Mm-hmm.
59:48
Kearns: for that movie.
59:50
Maybe, maybe it would've worked with the movie.
59:52
I don't know.
59:52
What do you guys think?
59:54
Ryan: She could have been the ending creature
59:56
Kearns: To me,
59:56
Ryan: at the part.
59:57
Kearns: work than Courtney Cox does.
59:59
She's work,
1:00:00
Jon: Yeah.
1:00:00
Kearns: much
1:00:01
Ryan: yeah.
1:00:01
Kearns: But anyway, back
1:00:02
Ryan: It, it doesn't
1:00:04
Jon: To me, more works better in that for me.
1:00:06
Kearns: superior actor.
1:00:08
Jon: Yeah.
1:00:09
Ryan: it's, yes.
1:00:10
And like this, my number two, there's superior actors in here, and this
1:00:14
relationship is between Jonathan Harker, Mina Harker, and Dracula.
1:00:19
And I'm talking about Bram Stoker's Dracula, 1992, Francis Ford Coppola.
1:00:25
just the love triangle, especially like I, I read the book and then
1:00:29
watched the movie right after.
1:00:31
And the comparisons and the buildup between what Jonathan goes through
1:00:34
and, Dracula realizing that this is his lost love and Mina reincarnated
1:00:39
and that whole love triangle and the buildup plus the movie.
1:00:43
Yeah.
1:00:43
I mean, you got Keanu Reeves, Gary Oldman, Winona writer, Anthony
1:00:47
Hopkins, Sadie Frost, you got, ah.
1:00:51
I'm skipping on his name and I hope you don't curse me.
1:00:54
Kern, uh, princess Bride.
1:00:59
Yes.
1:00:59
He's in Ram Stoker's Dracula too.
1:01:02
Um, again, but again, going back to the relationship, it's that whole
1:01:06
romance in the build and that leads to my number one, the classic couple,
1:01:10
the Adams family, Morticia and Gomez.
1:01:13
And I'm going, I'm going with Raul Julia and Angelica Houston.
1:01:18
I grew up with John Aston and Carolyn Jones as a kid, but once you see
1:01:22
Jon: Mm-hmm.
1:01:23
Ryan: Raul, Julia and Angelica Houston's it for me.
1:01:26
That's my Adams family.
1:01:29
Jon: I mean, it, it's always gonna be Carolyn Jones and, um,
1:01:32
John Aston for me, but, but Raul, Julia, it's so good in that role.
1:01:37
Angelica Houston is amazing.
1:01:39
The, the two, those two Adams family movies are awesome.
1:01:42
Ryan: Well, it's the, like, they keep the same relationship but the new ones
1:01:47
are a little more darker of course.
1:01:48
'cause they were able to get away with it.
1:01:50
Jon: I Mm well, yeah.
1:01:51
Yeah.
1:01:52
Ryan: uh, well, the, uh, original sitcom, horror sitcom in the sixties.
1:01:57
Like you saw a little bit of it, but it was more like the comics at
1:02:01
that time where like Gomez was like, wasn't a buffoon, he was very smart,
1:02:05
but he had fun and like Morticia was there just to support him.
1:02:08
And they take that dark turn in the movies, which works so well.
1:02:12
Jon: Yeah.
1:02:13
Yeah.
1:02:13
Ryan: But that's my top five relationships in horror movies.
1:02:16
And John, I'm curious to see which way you went with your list.
1:02:19
Kearns: Which way?
1:02:20
Jon: I went somewhere, somewhere.
1:02:22
I've never gone with one of my fives and.
1:02:25
I'm not gonna talk about, uh, it's gonna be pretty short, I think.
1:02:29
'cause there's not a lot of descriptions of the movies 'cause they're
1:02:31
pretty much movies you all know.
1:02:34
But I went with
1:02:36
Ryan: five.
1:02:37
Jon: awesome uses of love songs in horror movies.
1:02:40
I,
1:02:40
Ryan: why he's been singing love songs.
1:02:42
Hold on.
1:02:43
Are you Yes,
1:02:44
Kearns: this over
1:02:44
Ryan: yes.
1:02:46
Jon: I've been, I've been singing one love song.
1:02:48
I'm not gonna sing these.
1:02:49
I've the only one I'm gonna sing All Night is amazed.
1:02:52
But, um, so my number five shows up in the John Carpenter movie in the
1:02:57
Mouth of Madness and it's, we've only just begun by the Carpenters.
1:03:03
Kearns: Um, isn't that also in, is that 1408, they do that as well, that a
1:03:08
Ryan: Yep.
1:03:09
Kearns: Okay, cool.
1:03:10
I
1:03:10
Jon: Yep,
1:03:10
Kearns: All right.
1:03:11
Jon: yep, yep, yep.
1:03:13
Ryan: You, you
1:03:14
Jon: Yep.
1:03:14
Ryan: things.
1:03:15
Kearns: thing.
1:03:17
Jon: It's, it is so, like the inspiration for this list is, it's
1:03:22
not just amazed in hard eyes, but like the whole soundtrack is love songs.
1:03:27
And I just love sort of the split of like the horror on the screen and
1:03:32
this love song playing through it.
1:03:35
And kind of like, I, love how that works and I got that a lot in this list.
1:03:40
Like my number four is a twofer, we'll call it 'cause it's two air
1:03:46
supply songs in two different movies.
1:03:49
Ryan: Okay.
1:03:49
Jon: Uh, we get from strangers pray at night, making love out of nothing at all.
1:03:55
Ryan: Okay.
1:03:56
Jon: And we go to slither for every woman in the world because you're
1:04:02
every woman in the world to me.
1:04:04
Kearns: Good one.
1:04:05
Ryan: Oh, that scene with Michael
1:04:08
Jon: And I mean.
1:04:09
Air, air, air Supply is like the perfect, like cheese love song band.
1:04:16
You know, that the high pitched vocals and the, the ballads and
1:04:21
it, it, they're such a cheesy band that way, but it's, they work.
1:04:27
my number three might be the most famous use of a love song in a horror movie,
1:04:33
and it comes from Conjuring too, and it's Elvis's Can't Help Falling in Love.
1:04:37
Ryan: Yep.
1:04:38
Jon: Patrick Wilson has a little performance with that
1:04:40
in there, just pretty epic.
1:04:43
It's probably the best part of Conjuring too.
1:04:45
Might be the best part of the Conjuring franchise, but that's for another episode.
1:04:50
Ryan: That's for part two.
1:04:51
Kearns: cranky for that episode.
1:04:53
All right.
1:04:56
Jon: My, my number two is one of my favorite Tom Atkins movies.
1:05:01
It's night of the Creeps and it's smoke gets in your Eyes by the platters.
1:05:05
Kearns: All right.
1:05:10
Jon: And number one is a movie I've brought up before.
1:05:14
I think I got, I have to put it on the, the calendar.
1:05:17
It's, uh, werewolves Within and it's the Savage Garden song.
1:05:22
Truly, madly Deeply.
1:05:26
Ryan: That's a good song.
1:05:27
Kearns: had a choke hold on the radio for a while.
1:05:30
Jon: Yeah, it did.
1:05:32
Right about the same time as Amazed.
1:05:34
Ryan: Yeah.
1:05:35
Kearns: was a whole epidemic.
1:05:37
Jon: Yeah.
1:05:37
I remember.
1:05:38
I remember, well, I was, I was working at a record store at the time, so
1:05:42
I sold a lot of those two albums.
1:05:45
Kearns: I bet you there were snacks.
1:05:46
Jon: Well, a lot of those two seedy singles for sure.
1:05:50
Kearns: My uncle used to listen to it.
1:05:52
He had a laser disc thing he was using.
1:05:54
It was like a weird player.
1:05:55
Yeah, he, they had the fancy stuff.
1:05:57
They had the, they had the money uh,
1:06:00
Ryan: Laser
1:06:00
Jon: Mm-hmm.
1:06:01
Kearns: disc mini thing he was using.
1:06:03
And for Savage Garden.
1:06:08
Ryan: What are you listening to?
1:06:09
Sublime.
1:06:10
All right.
1:06:11
Kearns: Garden.
1:06:12
Jon: Nope.
1:06:13
Savage Garden.
1:06:14
Kearns: No,
1:06:15
Ryan: That.
1:06:15
Kearns: he loved that cheesy crap.
1:06:17
That whole Robinhood soundtrack he played all the time
1:06:23
Jon: I can't tell you how hard I tried to find a Brian Adams
1:06:25
song to put on this list.
1:06:27
Kearns: one, a good one in horror movie.
1:06:30
Jon: No, I mean, no.
1:06:34
Like the one that gets popped up in a couple of horror movies is this Christmas
1:06:38
song that's something about Christmas time 'cause that's in Violent Night
1:06:42
and I think it's in another Christmas themed movie, but it's not love song.
1:06:46
So it didn't count.
1:06:48
Ryan: Fair,
1:06:49
Kearns: Fair enough.
1:06:50
But all
1:06:51
Ryan: fair.
1:06:51
Jon: But they're, they, this is a kind of an evergreen list.
1:06:55
I can probably come back to this a whole bunch of times.
1:06:58
Kearns: and don't, um, all right.
1:07:01
So this was hard.
1:07:01
Eyes, everybody, we hope you enjoyed the episode we're gonna get outta here.
1:07:06
Ryan: Have a good one.
1:07:07
And a happy Valentine's Day everyone.
1:07:09
Kearns: miserable Valentine's Day.
1:07:10
It's a terrible holiday.
1:07:13
Jon: Happy Valentine's Day.
1:07:14
You filthy animals.
1:07:17
Kearns: No trademark sign off from John.
1:07:19
Jon: See ya.
1:07:20
See ya.
1:07:21
Ryan: There we go.