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Mommywood with special guest, Marla Sokoloff! · Mommywood

0:00
Mom. Hey, I'm your host.
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Emily V. I'm an actor teacher, and a new
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mom. Once my daughter arrived, I went
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on the hunt for answers to all my questions about being a
0:16
working actor. Mom, and what did I find?
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Well practically nothing. So here I am asking all the
0:22
questions to try to figure out how people do it, how our
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mothers balancing and not balancing Parenthood in this
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crazy. Three.
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Join me. And my amazing guess, as a, we
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take a real look into the life of a working entertainment
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industry moms everywhere. On today's episode, I'm chatting
0:41
with Marla, sokolov Marla, and I met a few years, back back when
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she only had two daughters and this past year, she welcomed her
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third baby girl. And on this episode, we talk
0:52
about everything from the difference in ages of kids to
0:56
miscommunications. When it comes to acting jobs to
0:59
how much A lot tries to balance and juggle it all, as well as
1:03
her switching from acting to directing and writing and all
1:08
the way to body image and breastfeeding and the shame
1:12
around all of that. And I'm so excited for you guys
1:16
to listen to our very first episode.
1:19
And without further Ado, this is Marla Marla.
1:26
Thank you so much for being here.
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I'm so excited to ask you. So many questions.
1:32
First of all, tell me your daughters ages and names again.
1:37
Okay, so I have Elliot, who's 10?
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I have all of those seven and then I have Harper who is seven
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and a half months. Oh my God.
1:49
So you who are in the thick of it.
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I guess it was just always feed the thick of it.
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I know because it's funny. It is it's true.
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There really is always the thick of it because you would think
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like my ten-year-old is easy and so many ways.
2:03
You know because she has she could do everything yourself
2:08
essentially. Like I always joke, I could give
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her like a past you know, the code to make Postmates and I
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could like leave her at home and as long as she's feeding
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herself, she'd be fine because she's very responsible.
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But it comes with so much more hard, you know, because now
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she's in fifth grade and I have to stay on top of her like
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homework, and her chest and her studies, and all the things that
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I like barely understand, you know, and then friendship set
2:30
and crushes and so it's like, yeah.
2:33
Having a baby as you know, is really hard and a lot of work,
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but in many ways, it's easier. I don't know, it's all very
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tricky. He's gonna ask, you have like a
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pretty broad spectrum of the ages right now.
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Was going to ask if one was easier than the other because
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right now, you know, maze only three months.
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And so I'm trying to enjoy while she can't move.
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Yeah, I don't like oh right. I can set her and she'll be okay
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for now for the exactly you can put her in like a docking
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station and she won't complain about it and then, you know,
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yeah I mean it's funny. I feel like because it's my
3:12
third, I know everything that's not everything, I don't know
3:15
everything but I know what's up ahead, you know?
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Like she's about to crawl. You can see how she's trying to
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crawl, and it's exciting. But just like you said, it's
3:24
kind of like, wow. That's gonna make things a lot
3:27
trickier because she's going to be all over the house and that
3:29
we have to Baby proof. And you know, my kids have their
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things everywhere. She's gonna be shoving
3:33
everything in her mouth and spray so going back.
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So I would love one of my fears like having a kid in the
3:42
industry for me being like Well, is my career like my career is
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not where I want it to be like, do I wait to have a baby once it
3:54
gets rolling? Or, you know, then it'll be
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harder. What were your like fears
3:59
before? You had a baby and I know it's
4:01
different. Well, I'm not going to say I
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know it's different but as an outsider it seems to me that it
4:08
would be different for you because you've been in it for a
4:11
while. And I feel like and you've had
4:14
great SS. So I don't know if it was
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different for you or if you still had those same fears or
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what was, yeah, I would say with my purse, you know, I wanted to
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have a baby so badly, like I was like, okay I'm ready.
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It's time we had been married for like three years or
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something so that was like the natural, you know, next step.
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But I feel like I made not the mistake because it wasn't a
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mistake. I would never say anything.
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I've done with my children as a mistake, but I So into being a
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mom that I really wanted nothing to do with working for a second
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and then about I would say six to eight months after she was
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born, I'm like okay I'm ready to get back into it and it was a
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lot harder than I thought, you know?
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Like once you lose that momentum or people are like oh she had a
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baby. She's kind of like off the map
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for a second. I was actually surprised at how
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hard it was to kind of get back to work with my second daughter.
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I oddly like got all these Pregnant lady jobs.
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So I kept working when I was pregnant, I did like an arc on
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Grey's Anatomy and Pregnant job on Hot in Cleveland.
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So I didn't really stop with her.
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But then with Harper, I, you know, was even more concerned
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with Harper because I had totally worked the past few
5:34
years at pivoting, my career from acting, you know, and I
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really was focusing on directing but I wasn't at a place you
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know, where it was. Like I'm so established that I
5:45
could go. When come back, no problem, you
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know. So I think that was like a, you
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know, a valid concern, you know, but I think everybody has that.
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I think no matter what you do for a living, you know, you're
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going to be worried about, you're going to be worried about
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your career re so yeah, I think any career if your doctor, if
6:01
your lawyer your whatever, it's like breaking up that momentum
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and like, you know, taking time to focus on something completely
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different is really scary, but I always say it's like nothing
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you're ever going to regret, right?
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Yeah, it's wild. Were you worried like
6:14
beforehand? About telling your reps, or were
6:18
you good enough like with them were?
6:20
They men are the women, like, how did, how did it go with
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telling and was it different for each one?
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Definitely different. I feel like with my first one, I
6:30
was like, like I was so excited about it and then the second one
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I was really nervous, you know, because I felt like I had worked
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so hard to kind of get back on track.
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So I was worried that, you know, that was going to be met with
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some sort of like hesitancy. On this third one, that
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definitely was the most stressful to tell my reps.
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Because, you know, I'm sure you've let on to your reps or
6:54
people around you. You're like, you know, we're
6:56
thinking of having a baby or you know, I'm I'm assuming it wasn't
6:59
a big shock to a lot of people but in this case, you know, I
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had a ten year old child and a seven-year-old child.
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So I don't think anyone thought there was like a feather baby
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coming, you know? So I didn't tell my reps.
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I think I was like, five months, pregnant.
7:11
Something like that. Like, once I was like, visibly
7:13
pregnant. Yeah.
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They got to start telling people.
7:18
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
7:20
So you said, like, you guys have been married?
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For three years? You were just like you knew you
7:25
wanted kids. You're ready for it.
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Did you like worried about? You said, you kind of took a
7:32
break but was that break after your first one intentional?
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Or was it just like, that's kind of what happened?
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Because I, you know, obviously in this career we don't really
7:45
Get maternity leave and it's not like there's a set like this is
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when you're coming back in this and you're coming back to work
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right away. So I know you said it took a
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little while to get back into it.
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But were you was that a conscious on your part like
8:05
where you like? I'm going to take this much time
8:07
afterwards. I'm sure it was different from
8:10
the first one than the other two.
8:12
Yeah. So with Elliot my oldest
8:13
daughter, it was 100%. ENT intentional.
8:16
She had some like health problems when she was born, but
8:19
we knew that was going to happen.
8:21
I, we knew when I was pregnant that this is something so it
8:24
wasn't like a big shock when she was born.
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But so she needed to have part of her lung removed when she was
8:31
five months old. I know.
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So she had a pretty shit, a pretty big surgery and I had
8:37
always told my reps, like everybody around me, friends,
8:40
whomever that. I would take time off it through
8:44
that surgery at least you know because that's not something I
8:47
wanted to miss and I remember I actually got offered in.
8:49
This is I won't name the company because I don't work for them
8:52
anymore because of this scenario.
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And again there is truly no regret that happens in life but
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I had gotten an offer to movie. I think she was two months old
9:02
or something and she had to have a CT scan to go over like where
9:05
she was and the like and it was like you know, when you have
9:07
babies like these things are very scheduled and there's
9:10
obviously like her weight and like timing and all And so I
9:15
turned on the movie, but I told my reps, like, please let them
9:18
know. This is why I'm turning down the
9:19
movie. It's not because I am just like,
9:22
flippantly, not do, you know, I don't like the script or
9:24
something like that. And the person who is my rep at
9:27
the time, didn't relay that and it was just like a straight-up
9:31
past. And then, I didn't know this
9:33
story until about five years later, a friend of mine was
9:37
working for this company and they said, yeah, you know, we
9:39
were so surprised, like Marla just kind of passed on one of
9:42
our Projects, you know, and with no explanation.
9:45
Yeah, and that really was a bummer and I actually did wind
9:49
up sending an email, letting them know, you know, it was
9:52
really just something that I had to stay home to do, you know,
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because it was filming in Canada and I didn't want to leave, you
9:58
know, and I wasn't going to bring her with me with like
10:00
Health stuff. So anyway, long story short, you
10:03
know, it was intentional to answer your question but it also
10:06
liked it. Did, you know, it did it didn't
10:08
come without any sort of like ramifications, but like I said,
10:10
I certainly don't regret any of that for a second.
10:13
Yeah. And I'm sure like one they knew
10:16
or if they would have known at the time, like would have been
10:19
so different. Yeah.
10:21
I feel like people are a lot more.
10:22
I'm learning. The people are a lot more
10:24
understanding than like, I thought that they might be like,
10:28
my reps were super happy for us. When I told them.
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I don't think I was nervous. Telling them because I was like,
10:35
it is what it is. Whatever you think about it, but
10:40
she's coming. Yeah.
10:41
Well, and we didn't have. Of time.
10:43
I mean I always hesitate to say this because you know I know so
10:48
many people have hard time but we were like, okay I guess we'll
10:53
start trying, maybe it'll happen in a year, whatever.
10:57
It happened the first time. So we didn't have time to be
11:01
like we're trying and just a heads up.
11:04
All right, like that. But, um, we're did you say
11:09
forgive me? If you already said this, how
11:12
your reps responded? Where they all?
11:16
Good with it. We're like, What will send you?
11:18
I'm pregnant auditions, or will, ya know, I mean, I don't
11:21
remember any buddy feeling, you know like, oh, gosh, really, you
11:26
know, and if they did, I don't think that's an appropriate
11:28
thing to ever tell anybody. So, you know, I never got that
11:32
Vibe. Like I said, I feel like this
11:34
last one, you know, it was more like shocked like, wait what?
11:38
You're a man? So yeah, yeah, because I had
11:44
one, I was taking manager meetings and one woman was like
11:48
you, if you want to have a baby in this is before we were even
11:52
thinking of it and she was like you can't do both just like you
11:58
can't be an actor, you can't have the career you want and be
12:02
the mom you want to be and I was like okay passing on you.
12:06
Yeah. So he's not a mom right?
12:09
Or what? She I think she was.
12:11
That's why I was like oh my but I think it was really scary.
12:15
Yeah, I think she was older and had taken a break like so her
12:19
kids were older, I don't know, but, um, but speaking of not
12:24
being able to do both, apparently, how do you find or
12:28
not find the balance? Because I feel like with such a
12:34
busy with, you know, schedule and kids, and it's like, how do
12:40
you do it or, what's your secret or not?
12:44
Secret, or Or you know exactly it's like I had a friend
12:47
yesterday. Send she posted this video, not
12:50
a video. She posted a Like a story slide
12:53
that just said you know, she actually I think her daughter is
12:56
almost the same age as me. She wrote something like you
13:00
know, today is just one of those days like I'm having a really
13:03
hard time and this is really hard and blah blah blah.
13:05
So I sent her a video of me holding her birth.
13:08
Still in my workout clothes from the morning.
13:09
It was 6:00 or something. I'm like hi I just wanna let you
13:13
know, I'm in my workout Coastal, I haven't taken a shower.
13:16
I have two kids that I still have to feed dinner.
13:18
They're both doing homework, like I and then I forgot to pick
13:21
my dog at the groomers. So I had to go back and get her,
13:23
I've been to Costco. I've been to Trader.
13:25
Joe's, I've been trying to work. It's like, girl I get I get it.
13:28
I see you. And I have a nanny you know.
13:30
So it's not like it's me here all by myself.
13:32
Like I'm not gonna go and, you know, I have helped but it's
13:36
just it's a lot. And I do think in some weird
13:38
way, there's some like value and what that manager said to you,
13:41
because it's not, you can't, but it's there are times where
13:45
you're really good at being a mom and not as great at your
13:48
career. And then there's other times
13:49
where I feel like I'm doing, like, you know, super Focused on
13:52
work. And I know that like, I'm not as
13:54
focused on my family as I normally am, because my focus is
13:58
here. So, the one thing I try to
14:00
really do is if I know I'm starting a job, I try to set
14:05
everything up like prep wise, the same way.
14:07
I prep a movie, you know, like as an actor or as a director.
14:10
So whatever homework. I do it for my family to so I
14:14
make sure hot lunches ordered every day for school.
14:17
You know, I don't normally do that.
14:18
I normally make them lunch but while I'm working, I check that
14:20
off my list I made. Sure.
14:22
They have every playdate. I mean, obviously it's your
14:25
daughter's age, it's harder to do this, but make sure
14:28
babysitters are set up for like they're picked up at school or
14:31
some friend is over. So, they're busy, you know,
14:33
where they have piano lessons, like, I just try to literally, I
14:36
have a calendar that I keep for my nanny and my husband, and me
14:39
and everybody could see. This is what everyone's doing.
14:41
So when I'm at work, I don't have to be like, shit, who's
14:43
picking them up or like so and so has to go here, so it's like
14:46
everybody just knows, you know, so that makes it a lot easier.
14:52
Bviously again with the babies. It's harder because you can't
14:55
really schedule too much for them.
14:56
It's more just making sure they are fed, you know, loved.
15:00
Yeah. Yeah.
15:01
I feel like we, you and I have similar type A personalities.
15:05
I'm gonna guess that your with me.
15:07
Yes. Um, so I am at the point where
15:10
I'm like, I know she's only 3 months.
15:12
I'm ready for a schedule, though.
15:14
And like the her doctor was like, you know, sleeve training
15:17
yet and I'm like, oh God, so And I am because I'm going to work
15:25
part-time. But like, while I'm gone, even
15:28
with my husband I'm like, is he doing it?
15:31
The way I would be doing it, is this the way and I knew ahead of
15:34
time I was like, my goal is to not micromanage.
15:38
Some like, especially my husband.
15:40
I'm like, he's the dad and I've been nannying for like, yeah,
15:44
years. But it's that's all out the
15:47
window now that she's mine because I'm like, how do I do
15:50
this? What do I do?
15:51
And I'm like, oh my God. Now, I'm just an idiot but I'm
15:54
like, how do you like when you are gone knowing that like,
16:00
other people are doing it with your kids?
16:04
Like I know it's probably different with, like, your
16:07
husband versus your Nanny versus whoever, but I don't know if
16:13
maybe I'm just crazy but I'm like, are they doing it?
16:16
The way? I would be doing it.
16:18
And like, how do you do just deal with it?
16:20
I mean, I think the answer to that is no.
16:22
They are not doing it the same way that you're going to be
16:23
doing it. You know, like obviously not it,
16:26
you know, Dad's I think are exempt from this, you know, it's
16:29
like the however they do it, they're allowed to do it that
16:31
way because the, you know, I'm not completely screwing
16:34
everything up. But as far as like somebody
16:36
watching your child while you're at work or whatever, it's like,
16:39
I think you have to just like, let go on that one because, you
16:43
know, I know, I have certain friends are like check their
16:45
Nanny cams all day and, you know, do all of that and like
16:48
they're just checking in all the time.
16:50
And I think once you build up that trust just with someone and
16:52
you're giving them like the most important thing in your world,
16:55
you know, like this. Like I said, as long as there's
16:58
nothing happening that's like hurting them.
17:00
You know, if they're giving them like an extra bottle or
17:03
something like that, it's like, you know, you do have to kind of
17:05
just know that you've trusted that person and you have to kind
17:08
of let that stuff go. I mean, there's still times
17:11
where like, you know, I'm especially now that my daughters
17:13
are older. They can like manipulate, you
17:15
know, the person who's watching them and like, you know, she's
17:19
like, oh, you know, she let us have some Sprite today and I was
17:21
like, what? But yeah, like that kind of
17:23
stuff like drink. My husband said I can do this,
17:27
but they do that out. So it's like you know, you can't
17:30
get that mad because I mean I do but you know you still kind of
17:33
have to like those just like let some of that stuff go and just
17:37
know that, you know, you're you got to take care of yourself and
17:41
do what's best for you. And if that's going to work and
17:43
like makes you a better mom then you gotta kind of just Let go of
17:49
that part of it so hard. It's very hard like and then the
17:55
guilt do you feel like bad, you know, and I'm barely even gone
18:01
ever. But I'm like, do you has it like
18:06
lesson time? Maybe that's not the right word
18:10
but like, has it lessened has it gotten easier.
18:12
Now with the third one because you're like, I know she'll be
18:16
okay. I know that like Like this is
18:19
how it goes, and I've raised two already.
18:23
Wonderful girls. I know.
18:25
I've got this. Like, I did it before.
18:27
Totally, it'll be fine. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I
18:29
definitely was way more helicopter, e, and like a little
18:33
bit more, you know, anal and very specific about everything
18:38
from Elliott to Harper. I mean, I still am, like there
18:41
are definitely a way I like things done, but I think, you
18:47
know, Are more relaxed on like, obviously on the third one, I'm
18:51
more relaxed because I just know that, you know, whatever you're
18:54
stressing about today like in three days from now, you're
18:57
gonna be like, oh my gosh, remember, when I was worried
18:59
that maybe wouldn't walk. Did you look like, you know, a
19:02
year old and like still like laying on her back and then the
19:05
next week, she's like jogging a marathon.
19:07
You know. It's like so funny.
19:08
How kids do that kind of stuff to you.
19:10
So I think that's that's something that always gives me
19:13
some comfort, you know? Right.
19:15
Um, so speaking of now your Like writing and directing, how long
19:20
have you been doing that? Like when did you decide to
19:24
switch into that? Was that something that came
19:27
along with having children? Because of like, you can control
19:31
stuff a little bit more, or was it something you'd always wanted
19:35
to do? Yeah, I think kids were
19:38
definitely a big factor in me like putting that, you know what
19:43
what's the word I'm looking for that plan in action because and
19:47
yeah, I always have I never really thought that I would be a
19:50
director full-time. Like, I think I always knew in
19:52
the back of my mind, don't dabble in directing or direct
19:54
something, A Min or whatever, but I was definitely surprised
19:58
by how much I loved it and how that this was the thing that I
20:01
really wanted to put in like the focus of my career.
20:05
But yeah, I mean, I was at a bar one night with my husband,
20:10
crying hysterically because I hadn't worked in the second and
20:14
I felt like I kept going into these rooms and meeting dead
20:16
eyes and I was like, I don't know what to do anymore.
20:19
I'm so frustrated. I feel like I'm banging my head
20:21
up against the wall and I would literally pull up to auditions.
20:24
This is the days of us going in person today.
20:29
The good old days but I would like sit in my car in like just
20:32
want to drive off, you know. And so I thought this isn't
20:34
normal. I shouldn't be like this anymore
20:35
and everyone always tells you like the second.
20:37
It's not fun anymore. Stop doing it.
20:38
And I'm like, I'm it's not funny one, I felt traumatized, you
20:43
know, I was so down on myself, if I didn't get something and,
20:46
you know, I just, it was I just needed and I was in my own way
20:50
because really, but, you know, my husband said you have all
20:53
these, like, great things that you were in.
20:54
Why don't you just go make one and I thought, can I do that?
20:59
Do I know how to do that. Who's going to help me with
21:01
this. And you know the from that
21:03
moment on I put together a plan to make a short of something
21:06
that I felt really passionate about and asked everyone I knew
21:09
to help me with it and people were willing to and it was so
21:13
addictive, you know, I was like, this is, this is addicting.
21:15
This is what I want to do with my life and it's I think having
21:19
kids helped me make that decision because it is more on,
21:22
you know, you are more in charge, you know, like obviously
21:25
I'm not picking and choosing the movies I do, but you do get a
21:31
little bit more control and you feel like you're not answering
21:36
to someone else. You mean like in regards to your
21:38
career, you know, but you know, do I have any auditions coming
21:41
up or has anyone checked my available on this side or the
21:44
other? And like, I actually I'm always
21:46
telling my manager, what's going on, you're my age.
21:48
Because I'm the one making the calls and sending the emails and
21:51
you know, it's like, you're really your own Advocate.
21:54
Yeah. So what was that like first
21:59
thing that you did and how did that how did it go over you
22:04
stared? And what did you do with?
22:06
Like, where were your read? You just have like the
22:10
babysitter with the kids, or like, were you just?
22:13
So it will be different then from now right now?
22:17
So, You know, the the whole premise of the short is based on
22:21
a preschool. Oh yes.
22:25
I know the one. Yeah.
22:26
And I literally was just this is just my like personality.
22:30
I would walk into that class and almost like I roll, you know?
22:33
I mean, I love that school and we're going to go back there and
22:35
it was such a great experience, but you would walk in and there
22:37
would be pictures of all the kids and like what they each
22:40
were allergic to and you know, just things that you know, are
22:44
real allergies, you know just things our parents didn't want
22:46
them to have, you know, like red dyes.
22:48
You know, and stuff like that. And just used to always make me
22:51
laugh. Like I was just like, this is so
22:53
Allah, everything about this is. So I'll lay in the kids who
22:55
would bring like, you know, tofu and seaweed and stuff is their
22:58
snack. And, you know, just I wasn't
23:00
raised like that. You know, I didn't grow up here
23:02
in LA and like my kids, luckily were so lucky, we don't have any
23:05
allergies so I let them eat whatever.
23:07
And so I literally went home that day after having just like,
23:12
you know, a funny afternoon staring at this preschool
23:15
classroom and I wrote this script and like, you know, too.
23:18
Towers or something, you know, it's a short and I was like, I
23:22
think that's the one I want to make, you know, because I think
23:25
people make fun of us in l.a. anyway, and just how, you know,
23:27
our kids names and what we feed them and see, you know, how we
23:30
are with them and the yoga, and the meditating and so, yeah, it
23:34
would people like really it resonated with people which was
23:38
great and Was I going to say? Yeah, I remember we shot it on a
23:46
weekend because it was a preschool.
23:47
So we couldn't use Monday through Friday and my husband
23:50
came and like the girls loved it.
23:51
I mean, they were older, you know, like, I think it all of
23:53
must have been to and Elliot was about to go into kindergarten.
24:00
So or no, she was just in kindergarten was her first year
24:02
kindergarten. Yeah.
24:03
So he I remember. Do they no longer were?
24:07
They was always with the most of the day and he kept like
24:10
bringing them. You know they came by the feds a
24:12
bit sad because it was Preschool, they went to so it's
24:14
like exciting for them to be there, you know?
24:17
Yeah. So So did you end but but Elliot
24:22
wasn't in it? Right?
24:24
She actually wasn't it. Yeah, she's in it.
24:27
Like I think she was in it and she was like in kindergarten.
24:33
So she must have been like the perfect age for it to.
24:36
Yeah. She was totally the propagate
24:37
and then a lot of her friends that were in that preschool
24:40
through some of them into because they were like, trying
24:42
to be actors and ask anybody who, like didn't want to be an
24:45
actor because you know, I'm not going to put that upon anybody.
24:47
But you know, some of them like already had agents and I'm
24:50
trying to. Yeah, it's wild.
24:52
Yeah. So speaking of do you did your
24:56
did Elliot show interest in it? Or we like, hey just you want to
24:59
be in this or like do a water show interest in it?
25:03
Are you nervous for them? Would you let them all of those
25:08
questions? And if any, you know what's so
25:10
funny? I would say this is like top one
25:11
of the top, like five questions. I get asked, you know, but like
25:14
in every interview every friend, every person on the street I am
25:17
a big believer in going to Daddy, what you love while
25:22
you're in school, studying it making sure you love it.
25:27
And then once you are done with school, then absolutely, I would
25:31
like, support and help and do all the things, but as far as
25:34
like getting and add an agent, like when you're a little kid I
25:38
won't I'm not into into that for my children, you know, but my
25:42
older daughter is definitely like I want to be an actress.
25:46
Okay. Yeah, that's always hard.
25:51
I'm curious where, where that's gonna go because I think it's
25:55
interesting. I don't know how it was growing
25:59
up for you, but like, because you're from San Francisco.
26:04
Yeah, so you weren't crazy far, but I don't know if you and you
26:12
moved here because you you did start somewhat young, right?
26:17
Yeah. We're ya know, I started
26:18
professionally You know, I joined this theater group called
26:22
The American Conservatory Theater, which is in San
26:24
Francisco. And I started that probably when
26:26
I was like, you know, 80 so yeah, it was pretty young and
26:31
then I would say when I was like 11 or 12 an agent and told my
26:38
mom, like you should take her to Los Angeles and do this think of
26:41
pilot season. And my mom is like, no, we're
26:45
not like moving to LA and I kind of stalked her about it.
26:49
And every day of her life, probably annoyed her to come
26:52
down to LA and she's like, okay, you have one map will go there.
26:54
We'll do this pilot season thing, you know, and I wound up
26:58
getting Full House in that month so we never went back home,
27:02
really? Yeah.
27:04
I mean, we commuted a bunch, it was like back and forth, and
27:06
back and forth and back and forth, you know.
27:08
Yeah. Are you, are you an only child
27:11
or know I have a brother, he's four years older and, you know,
27:15
it was it kind of at the time where my family, my parents were
27:17
getting divorced. So, I think my mom was like,
27:19
mmm, probably looking for her out.
27:22
Yeah. And yeah, he stayed in high
27:24
school and then went off to college, so yeah.
27:27
It wasn't too many years of not having us there.
27:29
So, you've been in l.a. For a chunk for a while.
27:34
Yeah. Most, I mean, yeah.
27:35
But definitely more most of my life.
27:37
Yeah, that's why. I'll bet you like got that.
27:43
So, so quickly. That's amazing.
27:46
Was it hard for you then? Like because I know you did,
27:50
you've worked a ton and then you said, like that later on, you
27:57
were like, what am I doing wrong?
28:00
Like having all like, Yes more rejection to say for a life
28:04
better but like was it hard after like having it so easily?
28:12
Not easily. I don't want to say easily but
28:15
having annoying. What you're saying?
28:16
I mean, I think yeah I think it was like a shock for me because
28:20
I definitely, you know, I think I always say it's like once you
28:23
have to start paying your own bills and you have to make a
28:25
living at this. That's when you're kind of like,
28:27
oh, wait a minute. Whoa, this isn't as easy as I
28:30
thought, you know, it's like I would work all the time.
28:31
The time, but it wasn't. like I had to support my can or you
28:39
know, I was a child and so I think you know, I did this show
28:42
called the practice and that carried me through until I was
28:44
like 21 and it was right around then like that show went off the
28:48
air and I gosh, I don't remember how long it is taking me to like
28:56
get another job after that, but I remember that's when it kind
28:59
of started getting a little bit harder.
29:01
You know, I was older and you knock some shows things.
29:04
Definitely didn't come as easy. Yeah.
29:07
So I think that was the first time that was like, oh gosh,
29:11
like I'm glad I saved some money because I'm not making any right
29:15
now. It is your, your husband is
29:19
somewhat in the industry, right? He did.
29:21
He's a composer for film and television so yeah he's in the
29:24
industry but he's not. I don't know how you do it.
29:27
I think dating an actor is or being married to an actor rather
29:31
I listed some people didn't it didn't know he wanted to act
29:35
when we first got together. Joey tricky really spun that.
29:39
Well, he was still, he's a writer and that's where he like
29:43
started. Not when we were together what
29:46
he wanted and then he was like, you know, I really want to act
29:49
now it's like Man. Oh, no, you don't.
29:55
Yeah, I was like, do you. And then, of course, we had to
29:57
go through the whole wall. We I had to go through the whole
30:00
thing of like, You know, me being like well I studied it and
30:05
I went to school for it and you're just yes doing it and
30:09
what that whole thing but it is nice to have something, you
30:13
know, there's pros and cons where it is nice.
30:16
I'm sure to have somebody who at least understands what is
30:20
happening and what you're going through.
30:22
And it's not like, you know, hey, when are you going to book,
30:27
something you're gonna do something soon?
30:29
Like, you want to contribute to Yeah.
30:33
I'm like it would be easier if so, if one of us were just a
30:37
lawyer or whatever. But um, speaking of like having
30:42
like a steady job, it's like, how do you do?
30:46
I don't know how steady his work is.
30:48
But how do you deal with? Like the inconsistency of this
30:54
mystery versus like being a consistent for your kids?
30:59
Is that you jumping like a mental consistency or Or a
31:02
financial consistency. Both.
31:05
Yeah. I think the mental one like is
31:07
the one that really would get to me before.
31:10
You know, I would get so down on it.
31:12
And that was a big reason why I didn't want to act as much
31:15
anymore because I would like, you know, go up, it would be
31:19
like me. And another person on something
31:21
like, is always another person who got it and I just remember,
31:24
sitting it up my bedroom one day, like crying after, like,
31:27
finding out. I didn't get something.
31:29
You know, you finally got that call and I was like, hey, Two
31:32
girls like they can't see Mom crying about the stupid job that
31:36
wasn't meant for you know what I mean?
31:38
Yeah. But they ever saw me doing that
31:40
but I feel like I really I looked so different to myself,
31:45
you know. I was like you are pathetic like
31:47
pull yourself together. Like get it together, you're
31:50
someone's mom like you know. So I think the mental peace for
31:54
me was like it was so clear that that just like wasn't working
31:57
for me, you know and the financial side.
32:02
Is, you know, all obviously very stressful like when you're not
32:06
consistently making money, but I think we're all just so used to
32:10
that as artists, you know, and Freelancers.
32:13
Yeah. Just that Hustle.
32:15
The good old Hustle. The good old hustle.
32:18
Yeah. But do you think it's important?
32:23
Like I I think it's nice or one of the reasons again until it's
32:29
like you're not happy doing it anymore or you know as long as
32:35
you can make ends meet. I think it's important we've
32:38
decided that like we do pursue our careers and show May like
32:44
resilience. And you know, really if it's
32:48
something you really want to do to keep doing it because I know
32:51
because my dad is an artist and But he, you know, growing up had
32:58
just worked at a bank. And now he's started painting
33:01
again more, and like, my mom was our theater teacher in high
33:07
school. She was my High School director
33:09
but like, she, you know. Not, I don't want to say that
33:14
they, like, gave up on their dreams because I don't think
33:16
they ever really wanted to do it, but, you know, is that
33:21
something that you think about or that's like, Kind of kept you
33:26
going or made you more hesitant? No one.
33:30
I think I'm like, super honest with them to you know I actually
33:33
got you know, it was really like fired.
33:36
I got, you know we kind of like disbanded this job that I was
33:39
working on like we just like a mutual and I told them I was
33:42
very honest with them about it. You know.
33:43
I was like I lost his job today. You know.
33:46
I'm so bumped. Like I am because I want them to
33:49
see. It's not just like Mom going up
33:50
and like, doing the things that she loves and like having
33:53
success. It's like there are bumps in
33:55
Out, you know. Yeah and they were both so upset
33:58
because they had like met these producers week.
34:00
We think they came to like the screening of something they were
34:02
like we why? Why?
34:03
You know I wanted you guys to work together.
34:05
I'm like, I did too, but like in times, you know, this is how
34:08
this business is like and my husband came.
34:12
I was like, why did you tell them that?
34:14
And I was like, because like I want them to see because they
34:17
both like, went up to him. They were like Dad to do them
34:19
with Mommy, got fired. So worried about her and they
34:22
were so upset about it and he was like, you're telling me
34:25
Because I think it's important like yeah, you know, this isn't
34:29
this is hard. There's a lot of ups and a lot
34:31
of downs. Well, in this specially.
34:33
Yeah. Like like you said your food if
34:36
your oldest really does want to like get into it seeing that
34:40
like it is, it's not easy. There's a lot of them upside
34:45
down. So, how did you, okay, You look
34:53
amazing and you don't want a baby and you've had three and
34:58
you look great for not having children.
35:01
So I'm going to ask you the question.
35:03
The vein question of due to worry about your body image.
35:07
Like, what's it different for each one?
35:11
Do you just let it go? Like how did you do with my
35:15
first daughter? I gained almost 60 pounds
35:19
because I was like, I'm pregnant.
35:23
Like I just felt like and I think also being an actress all
35:25
these years and like being on a permanent diet you know I was
35:28
like I'm not gonna I'm not allowed to diet now this is so
35:31
freeing. Yeah.
35:33
And then it took me like literally I remember being her
35:36
first birthday party and being like it's my old jeans I finally
35:39
got them bad guys you know it's like a year later.
35:42
I was wearing the pants that I wore when I got pregnant so then
35:46
which is still not still really good.
35:48
That's really good. I really okay.
35:50
So to me, it felt endless that guys.
35:52
Like, you know, you walk into your closet and you're like
35:54
literally can't wear any of this.
35:56
Yeah, that's where I'm at. It sucks.
35:59
I it's the, I mean, you're three months out.
36:01
So, yeah. And I guess you don't want to
36:04
buy new clothes. No.
36:07
I'll just wear yoga pants, which I do anyway.
36:10
So why do I get it? Exactly.
36:12
But with my second I was like okay we're not doing that again.
36:15
Marla? That took way too much.
36:16
It was like a lot of work, you know?
36:18
Yeah. Getting that off.
36:19
Like it was going to a dietician and you know, I Actually taught
36:23
spinning at the time. So I was doing a lot of
36:25
spinning. Yeah.
36:27
And then I know I didn't get as much with my second one because
36:32
I will first came very premature.
36:34
So I only got 2 34 weeks. So that was slightly helpful.
36:38
And you know because of the end is when it really piled one.
36:40
Yeah. And I with Harper, I feel like
36:45
that was kind of that. Definitely.
36:47
Like, that's me up a little bit because I was like, it worked so
36:49
hard to like, get this baby. Wait up, I don't want to lose it
36:52
again. I don't have a third time doing
36:54
that, like, because it's because I had the experience of, like,
36:59
killing myself to get all that off.
37:00
So I'm like, oh, I don't want to do it again.
37:04
So, I was really, I went to Pilates and I got, you know, I
37:08
was talking to a dietitian while I was pregnant.
37:10
I just, I mean, I still gained the same amount of weight.
37:13
I gained like 35 pounds or something like that, 30 pounds.
37:16
So it's not like I didn't gain anything but it just I just
37:20
really didn't want. I just couldn't, I couldn't.
37:22
Do that 60 pounds again? Yeah, yeah, my doctor kept being
37:26
like, I think I had told you this before that.
37:29
She was like, you don't need to gain more than 15 or 20, and I
37:35
was like, I hate you don't talk so like who can gain 15 pounds
37:40
and they're pregnant. I was like, I'm gonna choose to
37:43
ignore you and yeah, we will continue on.
37:48
Yeah. Um, If well that's good but you
37:52
had like the Insight from the first first, then the second.
37:59
They're like I'm sure that's always it gets easier.
38:03
Each time or hmm, maybe not easier, physically but easier
38:08
mentally maybe. Yeah, and I mean, I definitely
38:11
notice a difference in like how things are looking, you know,
38:14
because I'm 41 years old. And so you know, I was 34 when I
38:19
had my last baby Be so it feels like oh yeah, I know things
38:23
haven't really like tightened up the way they did the last time,
38:27
you know, I'm gonna have to keep on working on that.
38:31
Yeah. Yeah.
38:32
It is interesting being like because I, I'm 35 now.
38:38
So I was just just two weeks of 35, when she was born.
38:43
So still a geriatric pregnancy which is just fantastic, lovely,
38:48
that they call it that. But, um, But being like a young
38:52
mom out here somewhat and then, but, like, back home.
38:56
I'm from st. Louis, and all my friends.
38:58
My, my friends have 10 year old kids and I'm like Say what?
39:05
Like, I still feel like I had a teen pregnancy because I'm sad,
39:10
I'm liking. What if I'm a child having a
39:13
child? You're like, why are they
39:14
letting us? Bring this baby home.
39:16
I know, right. But but yeah, I do look and I'm
39:19
like, oh, when you're 24 or whatever having a baby and your
39:25
body just probably just snaps right back is lovely.
39:30
I mean I'm sure but of but yeah. It is it is wild being like
39:37
that. We all have those pressures of
39:41
like the whole, just even the term of like bouncing back.
39:44
It's like you're not bouncing back to anything.
39:47
Our bodies are totally different and it's hard to.
39:53
I don't know if you find that it's hard being like, kind to
39:57
yourself on that front. We're like what you would say to
40:00
other people. We like you're not bouncing back
40:02
your body's different, you made a whole human.
40:04
And and then at the same time like being like yeah but I want
40:09
to look like this and being in the industry, I said like in if
40:18
you're in front of a camera being like oh shit like what am
40:23
I know? And I even just did a deal.
40:25
I'm like you're only three months out but I remember being
40:27
three months out this last time and I did a movie directing
40:32
wasn't in front of the camera and not once and I was pissed.
40:34
Pissed off. I was just like these pants are
40:38
fucking tight. I feel disgusting.
40:41
You know, I wasn't feeling like confident about myself and in my
40:45
skin, you know, and words jeans are like two sizes bigger than I
40:48
normally wear three sizes, whatever.
40:50
But then, and it was, I didn't. And then and then the
40:54
cinematographer of the, he's such a sweetheart, and always
40:56
takes like, you know, photos of me directing or whatever and he
40:59
sent in there were some, I didn't recognize myself, you
41:02
know, because I would be looking through the pictures and be
41:03
like, who's that? Me.
41:05
Oh. Oh.
41:07
And I had a three month old. So it's like, for me to say to
41:09
you, like you're only three months outside.
41:10
Why couldn't I said that to myself, you know, like you just
41:13
had a baby, I don't know. But I called you.
41:17
When you were like three months out, I think and he did is that
41:21
when I come to your house. Yes.
41:23
And I would beg to say, you look amazing because I saw you and I
41:29
was like, oh God, I hope I have the same bounce back.
41:34
That's very kind, very, very kind.
41:37
But you know what? You're just like.
41:38
You don't feel like yourself, you know.
41:39
Yeah, I think that's the more important thing is like, feeling
41:43
comfortable and feeling back in your body.
41:47
But oh my God, you directed something.
41:50
And your baby was three months old.
41:51
How did you how? How did like logistically?
41:56
I don't know if you were you Were you just formula feeding or
42:02
were you pump? Abraham said this one from day.
42:05
One, I'm gonna be totally honest.
42:07
Yeah, because breastfeeding was so difficult for me both girls
42:12
horrible. Like, I never had a lot of milk,
42:16
you know. I remember I was at my like
42:19
first daughter's 10-week appointment and like the
42:20
pediatrician came and he's like house breastfeeding going and I
42:22
was like, it's not And he was like, hold on, I'll be right
42:25
back and he comes in and he hands me a can of formula and
42:27
he's like, just be done with that now please.
42:29
Like cuz I my mental health was really suffering, you know.
42:33
Yeah. And because I was a first-time
42:35
Mom. I would feel just so much shame
42:36
around it, you know, I was like, go to Mommy and me and see the
42:40
moms breastfeeding. And I would always like, make
42:42
sure I gave her her brother before class because anyone,
42:44
anyone seeing me, give her a bottle against really
42:47
embarrassed lot of Shame around it.
42:49
I'm sorry. Second Time Around.
42:51
Yeah, I don't think, I don't know if I It's the same.
42:54
I think formula maybe is even more accepted, now in a weird
42:57
way, it was like hope so, feed your baby feed, the baby.
43:01
However, is best for everyone, everyone.
43:06
Exactly. Those are, you know, with my
43:08
second, I exclusively pumped and that wasn't great either, but I
43:11
still did it and then with this one, you know, I just thought, I
43:16
might schedule does not allow me to sit down at a breast pump and
43:21
it doesn't, you know, and to take Sort of Happiness away from
43:25
the situation because I'm upset about bres, I'm like, I just
43:28
knew that mentally, it's a struggle for me.
43:31
So I thought you know what, this is like my bonus baby.
43:33
I'm going to make it Blissful and perfect.
43:35
I'm going to take that one thing off that, I really don't enjoy.
43:38
Yeah, well, it can. I ask this might be, I don't
43:43
know, maybe too personal but how does that?
43:47
How does that work? When after you have a bit, if
43:50
you just don't breastfeed Does it just not come in?
43:55
Does the most not great. I'm going to tell you that.
43:57
It's not great. And no.
43:58
Okay, one still. Yeah, so and I don't know what
44:03
hospital you give birth that, but the hospital I gave birth
44:05
that they like instantly always has sent in, you know, like
44:08
electrician specialist. And I told that them right off
44:11
the bat, you know, thank you, but no, thank you.
44:13
I'm good. And they were like, so I mean
44:15
done by pressure but thank God. It was my third because they
44:17
were like, just try for me please.
44:19
This is their first day. Life would be so beautiful for
44:21
you, too. And I It is no means no, no and
44:26
I remember it was like 2:00 in the morning and she brought me a
44:29
breast pump and I was just out of it because they just
44:31
delivered a baby and my husband looked music.
44:33
What are you doing? What are you doing?
44:34
You already made up your mind. Stop, because I was just trying
44:37
to pump because the I just felt, you know, like shit again.
44:41
But yeah, no, it comes in and it's uncomfortable.
44:43
And yeah, I put like, cabbage leaves on because that's
44:47
supposed to help it get the swelling down.
44:49
And of course, super duper tyte sports bra and yeah, it mean, it
44:53
was great. I'm not going to lie.
44:54
I was pretty uncomfortable for like the first month.
44:57
Oh wow. Yeah, wow.
45:00
Yeah. Because I'm, I'm starting to
45:02
think ahead of Mike. Oh, right.
45:03
What is, like, all I have to got to figure out all that, like,
45:07
weaning and all that jazz. I mean, it's the first time I
45:13
didn't have to do that because I had barely any Supply, so it
45:18
just, I never had to win. It just stopped coming out.
45:21
Yeah, yeah. Something an accursed was made
45:25
for me. Yeah.
45:26
You know, it always works out the way it's supposed to.
45:30
Yeah. Oh my God.
45:31
Yeah, I feel like I hope that now.
45:35
People are less like, who cares? How your baby is fed?
45:40
As long as they're fat and like formula like the science that
45:46
they have around formula? Now, it's like probably even
45:49
better the rest of the look like Hoon who knows like there.
45:53
Not be. Yeah, fed baby.
45:56
I mean, to be completely honest with you, I think this time
46:02
around I was very much like, you know what, I'm going to be more
46:06
honest about it because there could be some moms out there who
46:08
feel like I felt with my first, you know?
46:10
And I did like an Instagram story like pushing the answer
46:13
one day and I guess I just felt like I was going to be honest.
46:17
And somebody said, what made this baby that you, like and
46:19
easier? What did you do?
46:20
This time that? Like made it different than the
46:22
others. And I admitted that I was
46:24
Breastfeeding. And I got so many messages, so
46:28
many messages from people. Probably one of the more
46:31
messages I've ever gone. On anything I've ever posted
46:34
thanking me saying nobody talks about this and like I hated
46:38
breastfeeding or I couldn't breastfeed or my baby's adopted
46:41
or whatever and I have a gene and like thank you for admitting
46:44
that. So I feel like now because of
46:46
that experience, I don't feel any more embarrassment and my
46:50
sister-in-law gave birth to months before me and she still
46:53
Still breastfeeding, and the very first time, we all got the
46:57
kids together. I was worried that that was
47:00
going to make me feel like less of a mom or like, I was choose a
47:02
better mom than me. And I'm just so happy that I
47:05
didn't have that experience this time.
47:06
You know, and I don't want anyone to feel like that.
47:09
No, that's why. I'll yeah, cuz I know cuz going
47:12
into it well, it was the same thing with like both of my
47:16
sisters had a hard. Like had a really hard time.
47:18
So I was prepared like for for trying to get pregnant.
47:23
Didn't I was a prepared that it was going to be really hard and
47:27
that would take a long time and I lucked out and again the same
47:32
thing happened with breastfeeding like my sister
47:35
couldn't do it with either of her boys and I was like, okay
47:40
I'm prepared to like if it doesn't work it doesn't work.
47:43
And I'm going to if I want to try I'm going to give myself
47:46
this much time and then Stop because I, you know, it is
47:52
important for your mental health to be like, no, like I can stop
47:59
trying at a certain point and it's not giving up its taking a
48:03
different, a different approach, and different path.
48:08
Yeah. And again, thinking of, like,
48:10
when babies are walking or crawling, you know, it's like
48:12
everyone's gonna walk and Severance in the crawl, you
48:15
know? And unless there's some other
48:18
issue happening, you know? It's like no.
48:20
One's going to breastfeed their whole life like eventually
48:22
you're going to all eat food. You know what's?
48:24
Oh my God. Okay, so if you had like a
48:31
perfect balanced day of Your career and motherhood.
48:43
What would that look like? I'm sure it doesn't happen every
48:47
day but when it does, what is that look like for you?
48:50
I mean, it would be so cute. If my, my baby would sleep in.
48:54
Would love that? That would be just perfect.
48:56
She loves the 5:00 hour. Yeah.
49:01
And what is the perfect day? I mean, honestly, we had such a
49:06
great weekend, this We didn't have any plans and I just love
49:10
like, seeing you know to give sisters.
49:11
You know what? It's like, seeing my big girls
49:14
with Harper. And there, she just like giggles
49:16
at them and looks at them, like, they are God's.
49:18
You know, she loves them so much and yeah, just like hang out at
49:22
home and like, big girls, not fighting, it's a little less
49:25
sweet than in the big girls. Don't fight.
49:27
I am happy. Yeah, do you think that
49:32
motherhood has like changed your Or or how has it affected
49:40
either? You're acting or like how you
49:43
approach directing and writing? How is it like just in question?
49:50
I mean I think like just, you know, like circumstantially I
49:55
think being a mom and a director and an actor it's like I'm very
50:01
Guided by where the jobs take me, you know, that has changed a
50:04
lot. Because if it's something out of
50:06
town, Don't like to be gone for too long, you know, and
50:12
sometimes that will make me not take a job.
50:14
If it's a long-term thing out of town because you know they're
50:16
only a little once and then I think you know, you as a you
50:22
know an actor it's like you understand certain things so
50:25
much more. I mean, I know that I don't know
50:26
about you but for me like once I start having kids, there are so
50:29
many shows I like couldn't watch, you know, because it was
50:31
too traumatic, you know, like, I had to give up on handmaid's
50:34
tale, which he's like what do then when she went.
50:37
To that like abandoned barns like see her daughter for the
50:40
last time I'm like I can't watch anymore and I'm like, I don't
50:42
think it would have definitely would have affected me but like
50:45
when it's when you're a mother and you like are putting
50:47
yourself in that position. It's just all the more
50:51
gut-wrenching, you know, for sure.
50:56
Okay, well I know I can't keep you here forever but I would
50:59
love to but my last question, what is something that has just
51:05
saved you life? Either a purr like a product or
51:11
you know just a mantra or anything.
51:16
That's just like that you would recommend for that has just been
51:20
a lifesaver for you. Okay.
51:24
Okay. I would say like Mantra I have
51:26
the same Mantra that I've had for years and I always tell
51:32
myself the only way out is through and I did not come up
51:35
with this. Is it a going to set it?
51:38
I'm going to get, I'm going to get the exact quote, but, and it
51:43
always helps me because then it's, especially with being a
51:45
parent because like I said, everything is so heightened and
51:49
important, when you're in the moment and then once you're
51:51
through, it's over. And you're like, wow, that time
51:53
really sucked and I'm glad that we're not in that phase anymore.
51:57
Yeah. And product I would say.
52:03
There's this thing called the baby.
52:04
Sure. Did you happen to get that?
52:06
I did I got the freedom version of it was that thing's amazing.
52:12
I loved it so much that helped because my daughter was having
52:15
the hardest time in the car. We just hate her car seat and
52:19
somebody told me to turn that thing on and it totally calmed
52:21
her down and then also there's this car seat stroller called
52:27
the doudna and that has been amazing.
52:30
I've been more than one kid. I've seen those so much lately.
52:35
As soon as like, I saw one person with it now I see
52:38
everyone. And I'm like, oh dang, all
52:41
right. Yeah, cuz it's like you run into
52:42
Target, you know, you know more of like carrying that heavy car
52:45
seat and trying to figure out what, you know, what it's like,
52:47
it turns into a stroller run in and run out or like if I'm
52:49
picking my big girls up at school.
52:50
It's like, you know, take her out a thing turns into a
52:54
stroller. We run.
52:55
Right in, you know, somebody was smart.
52:58
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
53:01
Well. Thank you so much.
53:03
I know you have cores and that is a look into mommy, would and
53:10
a special thank you to my producer, Cecilia trip with
53:14
Laurel Canyon creative, and thank you to Edith much for my
53:19
theme music and don't forget to follow mommy, would podcast on
53:24
Instagram and Tick-Tock and please leave a nice review and a
53:30
few Stars while you're At it and I hope you enjoyed this episode
53:35
of mommy would and take care.