Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / Trump Whines He's "Unappreciated" & Self-Soothes with Ballroom and Third-Term Talk 🤣🤣😁

Transcript

Trump Whines He's "Unappreciated" & Self-Soothes with Ballroom and Third-Term Talk 🤣🤣😁 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

0:03
SPEAKER_10: My name is Miyama.
0:05
SPEAKER_10: Uh John Stewart.
0:06
SPEAKER_10: Great show for you tonight.
0:07
SPEAKER_10: Later on, we'll be talking to New York City Monero candidate, Zoran Mam Daddy, with a job.
0:19
SPEAKER_10: We will be discussing his plans to turn the city into a communist hellscape.
0:24
SPEAKER_10: But crime is legal and subway rats receive universal basic income.
0:33
SPEAKER_10: I haven't had a chance to read the platform.
0:35
SPEAKER_10: I'm just assuming.
0:36
SPEAKER_10: But first, our current president, Donald Josephine Trump, is currently on a tour of Asia where he will be meeting with allies, such as the new Japanese Prime Minister and rivals such as Xi Jinping.
0:51
SPEAKER_10: It's a crucial moment with huge ramifications for the current tariff regime in this country and for the peace and security of the entire region itself.
1:01
SPEAKER_10: But first stop, Kuala Lempur, so let's dance, motherfucker.
1:32
SPEAKER_10: He loves this shit.
1:35
SPEAKER_10: I love at the end he was like, eh, eh, eh, and then he just goes like that's all I got.
1:44
SPEAKER_10: He loves the red carpet.
1:46
SPEAKER_10: He loves the hats.
1:47
SPEAKER_10: None of it makes any they're playing the theme song to Hawaii 5-0.
1:53
SPEAKER_10: None of it made any sense.
1:56
SPEAKER_10: But he loves the pomp.
1:57
SPEAKER_10: And he loves the circumstance.
1:59
SPEAKER_10: That's why.
2:01
SPEAKER_10: He loves going overseas.
2:02
SPEAKER_10: That's what they give him overseas.
2:04
SPEAKER_10: Ladies and gentlemen, it's what he loves.
2:10
SPEAKER_10: Look what we do to him here.
2:13
SPEAKER_10: This is what he tweeted right before leaving on the trip.
2:16
SPEAKER_10: I want to thank Donald Trump for working like a dog for no money to save a country that doesn't appreciate his sacrifice.
2:31
SPEAKER_09: I hope you're happy, America! Look at this poor son of a bitch! He just wants.
3:32
SPEAKER_10: Poor little billionaire president.
3:37
SPEAKER_10: He hates it here.
3:39
SPEAKER_10: And why wouldn't he?
3:41
SPEAKER_10: Everything he does for us, we have a problem with.
3:45
SPEAKER_10: What's the one thing that we've wanted in this country for as long as I can remember?
3:51
SPEAKER_10: An outsized ballroom.
3:56
SPEAKER_10: I have been talking about this since I was.
3:59
SPEAKER_10: Someday I'll grow up and do the cha.
4:05
SPEAKER_10: Remember the march when we all wore the chandelier hats?
4:10
SPEAKER_10: No crown molding, no peace! When I say crystal, you say stemware.
4:16
SPEAKER_10: Crystal! Crystal! I can't believe how well that works.
4:34
SPEAKER_10: How easily fascism comes to America.
4:39
SPEAKER_10: Chant with me.
4:45
SPEAKER_10: So we've always wanted a giant ballroom, and then as soon as the man surprises us by completely demolishing the east wing of the White House after announcing that he would not touch it at all, suddenly everybody's got a problem.
5:01
SPEAKER_04: The new construction plans haven't been filed with the National Capital Planning Commission for public input or by to have review by professionals who actually work in this field.
5:14
SPEAKER_10: Well, maybe you'd like to file an appeal with the thing's already not here anymore, board.
5:20
SPEAKER_10: You know, the man is just trying to give Americans a$300 million space that we can use four to six times a year.
5:32
SPEAKER_10: And you're all worried if it's the right shade of historic federal gray from Farrow and Ball.
5:39
SPEAKER_10: It's like we don't even want to be happy.
5:44
SPEAKER_10: And then, as if that's not bad enough, after Trump builds us a double the White House next to the White House, we won't even offer him the simplest of thanks.
5:58
SPEAKER_10: We act like he's in it for himself.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: ABC News now reporting Trump will likely name the ballroom after himself.
6:09
SPEAKER_10: How dare you, sir?
6:11
SPEAKER_10: At long last, have you no decency?
6:14
SPEAKER_10: What makes you think this selfless man, look at him?
6:20
SPEAKER_10: What makes you think this selfless man is so arrogant as to want his name over whatever he makes?
6:29
SPEAKER_10: You bastards.
6:37
SPEAKER_10: You know, if George Washington had known there would come a day when an American president would be so disrespected that he couldn't even build a ballroom without filing plans first, would he even have crossed the Delaware?
6:55
SPEAKER_10: Or might he have said, forget the whole thing, me boys?
7:01
SPEAKER_10: I don't I don't know his accent.
7:05
SPEAKER_10: Forget the whole thing, me boys.
7:08
SPEAKER_10: And don't just say, oh, the White House, but it's a historic building and a symbol for the country, and it means a lot to a lot of people.
7:15
SPEAKER_10: We have been nagging this man since he selflessly decided not to host a sequel to The Apprentice and lead our great nation.
7:24
SPEAKER_10: And these are the complaints just from the last few weeks.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: The president igniting a firestorm.
7:29
SPEAKER_04: President Trump facing new questions about his latest pardon.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: Tension rising on President Trump's plan to send the military to American cities.
7:37
SPEAKER_05: Tensions rising as the shutdown is dragging on.
7:39
SPEAKER_05: Cattle ranchers across the country are blasting President Trump.
7:42
SPEAKER_10: Cattle ranchers?
7:44
SPEAKER_10: How dare you?
7:45
SPEAKER_10: He's personally keeping you in business.
7:51
SPEAKER_10: We like sound.
7:58
SPEAKER_10: We are taking the joy out of this thing.
8:01
SPEAKER_10: And then, as sad as he gets, when he goes to blow off a little steam by blowing up some boats.
8:09
SPEAKER_06: If you want to engage in a war with Venezuela, you need to come to Congress for an authorization.
8:14
SPEAKER_06: There being none, these strikes are unconstitutional and unlawful.
8:19
SPEAKER_06: Nag, nag, nag.
8:22
SPEAKER_09: Which one of you murdered those people without due process?
8:27
SPEAKER_09: Was it you?
8:28
SPEAKER_09: You get detention.
8:31
SPEAKER_02: You see what you've done?
8:32
SPEAKER_02: You're killing this guy.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: You treat me so unfairly.
8:35
SPEAKER_02: It's hate.
8:36
SPEAKER_02: You have a lot of hate in your heart.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: You know nothing about nothing.
8:38
SPEAKER_02: You fake news.
8:40
SPEAKER_02: You should be ashamed of yourself.
8:41
SPEAKER_02: Quiet.
8:42
SPEAKER_02: You're really obnoxious.
8:44
SPEAKER_02: One of the worst reporters that you'll ever see.
8:46
SPEAKER_02: I don't even want to take a question.
8:47
SPEAKER_02: You're a third-rate reporter.
8:48
SPEAKER_02: Always have been.
8:49
SPEAKER_02: Frankly, you're a terrible reporter.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: You know it, and so do I.
8:52
SPEAKER_02: Who is that back here?
8:54
SPEAKER_02: All right, get out of the room.
9:00
SPEAKER_10: Our constant complaining is turning him into the worst version of himself.
9:08
SPEAKER_10: He doesn't want to be this person.
9:11
SPEAKER_10: Everyone knows a healthy relationship is a relationship where one person gets to do whatever they want whenever they want.
9:20
SPEAKER_10: Even if some of that shit's illegal.
9:23
SPEAKER_10: And the other person has to eat it.
9:27
SPEAKER_10: Just eat it.
9:28
SPEAKER_10: If you don't want to eat it, at the very least, just pretend like you don't see it.
9:34
SPEAKER_10: Like Speaker Mike Johnson.
9:36
SPEAKER_05: How comfortable are you with the president apparently seeking$230 million from the Department of Justice?
9:42
SPEAKER_08: Uh, I I don't know the details about that.
9:44
SPEAKER_08: I I'm I've just read it.
9:46
SPEAKER_08: I didn't talk with him about that.
9:48
SPEAKER_08: See?
9:49
SPEAKER_10: How hard is that?
9:52
SPEAKER_10: Uh I'm dumb.
9:57
SPEAKER_10: And by the way, anyone can pull that off when they're first asked.
10:02
SPEAKER_10: A real pro can pull it off when they're asked the exact same thing the next day.
10:07
SPEAKER_11: You said yesterday that you were still trying to get the details of this$230 million the president has asked for justice to want to pay for his legal bills.
10:15
SPEAKER_11: Now that you've had some time, I'll have to get the details.
10:18
SPEAKER_11: Are you okay with taxpayers potentially on the hook for that kind of money?
10:23
SPEAKER_08: I'm not trying to dodge the question.
10:25
SPEAKER_08: I haven't had time to get the details, okay?
10:27
SPEAKER_08: That's still on my list of things-to-do lists.
10:38
SPEAKER_09: No, he hasn't had the time.
10:41
SPEAKER_10: He hasn't had the time.
10:44
SPEAKER_10: He's got a big list of things to do.
10:46
SPEAKER_10: He's got the covering up of the Epstein files, and um, well, I guess that's the only thing on the list.
10:50
SPEAKER_10: But still, there's a lot of papers in that file.
10:53
SPEAKER_10: It's pro-level ignorance support.
10:55
SPEAKER_10: But if you want a relationship to work, you've got to put in that kind of effort every day.
10:59
SPEAKER_10: You've got to show up for that person.
11:01
SPEAKER_10: Every day.
11:02
SPEAKER_10: Mike Johnson does.
11:04
SPEAKER_08: I don't know anything about the meme coin thing.
11:06
SPEAKER_08: I don't I don't know.
11:06
SPEAKER_08: That's first I've heard of that.
11:07
SPEAKER_08: I don't know anything about it.
11:08
SPEAKER_08: I don't know.
11:09
SPEAKER_08: I've never seen the Epstein evidence.
11:11
SPEAKER_08: I haven't seen the specifics of that.
11:13
SPEAKER_08: I don't know the details.
11:14
SPEAKER_08: I just saw a headline this morning.
11:15
SPEAKER_08: I haven't seen it.
11:16
SPEAKER_08: I can't comment on it.
11:18
SPEAKER_08: Look, I don't know anything about the dinner.
11:19
SPEAKER_08: I was a little busy uh this past week.
11:21
SPEAKER_08: I don't know anything about it yet.
11:22
SPEAKER_08: I've been really busy.
11:23
SPEAKER_08: Do you support those comments or not?
11:24
SPEAKER_08: I don't know what Eric was saying because I only heard just a snippet there.
11:28
SPEAKER_08: I don't know the context.
11:29
SPEAKER_08: I saw Eric.
11:39
SPEAKER_10: What?
11:40
SPEAKER_10: Did I?
11:41
SPEAKER_10: Did I see it?
11:41
SPEAKER_10: I haven't had a chance to see myself seeing it.
11:45
SPEAKER_10: But seeing myself seeing it is on my list of things not to do.
11:48
SPEAKER_10: I'm very busy.
11:50
SPEAKER_10: We've got a lot of work to do, America.
11:52
SPEAKER_10: Because if we're gonna hold on to this man for the rest of our natural lives, it's gonna be hard.
12:06
SPEAKER_10: Lucky for us.
12:08
SPEAKER_10: Even after everything, he's still open to making it work.
12:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I I haven't really thought about it.
12:29
SPEAKER_10: Yes! He's doing it! I haven't thought about it.
12:34
SPEAKER_10: That's the tell for whenever he's asked about something that he is definitely going to do that is dubious legally, ethically, or morally.
12:42
SPEAKER_10: He says he hasn't thought about it, but of course, we know he's thought about it because he already has the merch.
12:52
SPEAKER_09: Yeah.
12:52
SPEAKER_10: Now, of course, the negative Nellies are gonna have issues.
12:57
SPEAKER_10: They'll say presidents cannot serve more than two terms due to the 22nd Amendment.
13:01
SPEAKER_10: You'll recall that Congress ratified it after FDR served four terms and caused irreparable harm to this country by inventing the podcast.
13:12
SPEAKER_10: But what's what's interesting about Trump is he's actually worked through the various scenarios of running for a third term he has not thought about.
13:27
SPEAKER_00: One theory on how you might try to serve as third terms is that you could run as the vice president.
13:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'd be allowed to do that.
13:33
SPEAKER_03: You'd be allowed to do that, but I wouldn't I I would do I think it's it's too cute.
13:38
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I would rule that out because it's too cute.
13:40
SPEAKER_03: I think the people would like that.
13:42
SPEAKER_03: It's too cute.
13:45
SPEAKER_10: Too cute?
13:47
SPEAKER_10: No, that's why you don't go to Bilde Bear as an adult.
13:52
SPEAKER_10: Running as the vice president to skirt the 22nd Amendment isn't cute.
13:57
SPEAKER_10: But he's the kind of guy who's like, I respect Americans too much to play games.
14:01
SPEAKER_10: If I'm gonna run again, I'm gonna rip off the Constitution's head and shit down its neck.
14:09
SPEAKER_10: And truth is, indications are very clear he's gonna do it.
14:13
SPEAKER_10: Because you don't move into a house, knock down a wing, and build a 90,000 square foot ballroom for the next guy.
14:21
SPEAKER_10: Trump's not a house flipper.
14:24
SPEAKER_10: He's not Ellen.
14:26
SPEAKER_10: He's in it for the long haul.
14:29
SPEAKER_10: But the question then becomes why?
14:32
SPEAKER_10: We've already let him down so badly.
14:35
SPEAKER_10: America's clearly not his happy place.
14:38
SPEAKER_10: So maybe there's a solution that could work for everybody.
14:41
SPEAKER_10: I'd like to propose it.
14:43
SPEAKER_10: Let's make Donald Trump our overseas president in 2028.
14:51
SPEAKER_10: He could have the title.
14:54
SPEAKER_10: We could give him all the pomp and all the adoration.
14:58
SPEAKER_10: He could be America's touring company.
15:02
SPEAKER_10: Taking our great show anywhere but here.
15:07
SPEAKER_10: He could dance in Malaysia.
15:09
SPEAKER_10: He could hold orbs with the Saudis.
15:12
SPEAKER_10: He could pretend to enjoy literature with the King of England.
15:16
SPEAKER_10: And when he's done, we'll put him back on the plane and have everyone ask him questions.
15:24
SPEAKER_10: And we'll do it all again.
15:27
SPEAKER_10: I'd like that.
15:30
SPEAKER_10: Would you like that, Donnie?
15:33
SPEAKER_09: He likes it.