Latest / UNCOACHED / Winning, Team Culture, and Becoming the Coach Kids Remember
Transcript
- Brad (00:13) Welcome to Uncoached, a podcast for volunteer coaches and parents figuring out youth sports as we go. Each episode we keep things simple. Five questions to talk about, practical insights you can actually use with your youth athletes. Today's guest is Josh Butler. He's a youth soccer coach, a sports dad, and the author of a book called The Youth Coaches Playbook: 21 Ways to Be the Coach Every Kid Remembers. Josh is passionate about helping volunteer coaches create positive experiences for youth athletes. Brad (00:40) While still encouraging some competition and development. Today we're going to talk about balancing winning with having fun, coaching your own kids, building a strong team culture, and what it really takes to be the kind of coach that kids remember for the right reasons. Josh, thanks so much for being here. That was my words. Let me hear it from you. Please give me a little bit of your background, where you're coming from, and then we'll jump into our our our episode today. Josh Butler (01:04) Yeah, well thanks thanks coach for for having me on and having a conversation today about, you the importance of of youth sports coaching. I think I'm probably just like almost everyone watching this and and just like you, I'm a parent. I got sucked into the I'll say fairly chaotic world at times of of youth sports coaching. I wouldn't Josh Butler (01:23) wouldn't trade any of it. but I have two kids. they're twins. They're 13 years old, a boy and a girl. some different dynamics there. And I've been lucky enough to to coach them for for years now. really from when they were still playing co-ed sports together when they were in preschool, you know, from t-ball to baseball. I even had a chance to lend a bit of an assist to my wife, who was coaching my daughter in softball for a couple of years. I've been able to coach basketball for both the kids, probably my personal favorite sport to coach. And then Josh Butler (01:53) And then soccer. now my daughter's U14 team. Boy, probably the most fulfilling of of all the coaching roles I've had because I've been able to see those kids, largely the same kids, with our family kind of growing each year, since they were like U8. And to be able to see them not just succeed and develop in sport but as people has been amazing. so I I think I'm just like like everyone else out there, just a a a Josh Butler (02:19) parent trying to coach and and do the best I can. I I think I didn't really get into it with the intention. I probably got into it just like so many other other coaches and parents did is no one raised their hand when they were looking for volunteers and I thought, well, I I gotta be there anyway. I might as well make myself useful. So that's kind of how I got into it and I I I haven't looked back since Brad (02:41) That's great. And I think that's a lot of us volunteer coaches out there. We we repro we recognize that there's an opportunity to step up and volunteer. Nobody else is doing it. And so we do it. And so I think it's obviously that's why I'm in this space because I I just I I love what it's become and I I love that you know, that engagement that that we have with with volunteer coaching. And so you've got you've got twins, and so that's that's unique, I think, because you've probably had the opportunity to see parallel Brad (03:10) growth, but different approaches. I I'm assuming I don't want to speak for you, but maybe briefly just touch on like what that experience has been like with twins and and kind of watching from a boy's perspective and from a girl's perspective as they've grown. Josh Butler (03:23) you're absolutely right. It's it's a unique experience. It's it's a bit challenging at times too because they're kinda playing sports at the same time and they they tend to play the same sports too. So you're kind of feeling like a parent like some other parents out there who aren't coaching but are still trying to divide and conquer. How do you get to both your kids' athletic events and and with twins? Josh Butler (03:44) They're at the same time at times and and when I was coaching both of them at the same time, it it was hard. and and you know, kids are different, different personalities, boys and girls sports, especially as they get older, get really different too. So it's been a a very unique experience witnessing kind of their own independent growths in in a parallel fashion and just some of the challenges that come along with it. Brad (04:03) Yeah, no, that's that's fun. it I it is unique, right? Because you've got kids the same age. I think, like you said, there's parents that have kids different like different ages and you still have to juggle the schedule, but it's almost a little bit more intense because you've got the the same parallel age groups that you're that you're working with. But let me let me jump into this. So we were talking a a little bit and you recently shared a story about a soccer tournament getting canceled recently on you, and you guys were positioned Brad (04:29) in your opinion, you're you're probably gonna win it or you at least had a chance to go to that championship game and and compete for that trophy. And it got you thinking about trophies and what they really represent. So as as coaches, how do we celebrate winning and teach kids to compete for championships without letting that trophy be the entire reason that they're playing? Josh Butler (04:49) Yeah, it's and it's hard. Josh Butler (04:51) Right. I think there's a lot of external pressure, maybe internal pressure as a coach too, but a lot of external pressure to feel like you have to win and and it gets to be a lot sometimes. Yeah, we had a we had a a youth sports soccer tournament recently and you know, big tournament, almost six hundred teams, you know, good teams from all over the area. We're driving an hour and a half or more to get to it and had a really great Saturday, beautiful weather, well positioned. I I really liked what I was seeing from from the team and I I truly thought that the next day we were gonna find Josh Butler (05:21) the success that we were going there to have. And and Brad (05:23) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (05:24) I wake up early in the morning and there was just terrible rain all night, all night, all day. And the tournament had to cancel. I mean there's nothing they could do about it. It was disappointing, but it wasn't safe to play. And I I got the email and I it was early still and I was getting ready to to get my daughter up to leave and I thought how am I going to tell her, you know, that we're not doing this. I wasn't a funk and I eventually went upstairs and and told her and she came out you know all dressed ready to ready to roll and Brad (05:49) huh. Josh Butler (05:49) to win that championship so to speak. And Josh Butler (05:51) And I had to let her know we we weren't going and there's nothing they could do about it. And and she was upset. And I think a lot of us, a lot of kids get upset because they they want to feel that success. And I asked her, you know, what she was most disappointed about, which is probably a mistake on my side. And she said that we were gonna win a championship. And I thought, what kind of a competitive monster did I did I create? But I came back to her a little bit later. I we had a chance to kind of sit and relax a little bit and and kind of let the disappointment wear off. And I asked her what she really meant by that. Josh Butler (06:19) And she said it it it wasn't the trophy. It it was that she wasn't gonna get to have that shared success as a team. You know, that Brad (06:26) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (06:26) experience as a team to have that success. And it was, you know, what a great reminder. And and kids do this a lot of times, like kids surprise us. They they pick up on stuff that maybe we as coaches and adults should pick up on. She understood the bigger picture that it wasn't, you know, the trophy, which are, you know, they're cool, they're fun, and we shouldn't take them for granted. We should celebrate it and winning should be, you know. Josh Butler (06:45) part of the goal when we're coaching sports, especially as they get older. But she understood the bigger picture. You know, I think a lot of times we as coaches and parents just think about the result, you know, the the winner, the Brad (06:55) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (06:55) loss and the result. And we put too much pressure on kids for that and we kinda lose sight of the journey and the process and what that win maybe means. You know, these trophies, these medals, they're probably gonna go home with the kid. They're they're gonna after two or three days forget about it 'cause they, you know, other other, you know, kids stuff pops up and and ultimately it's gonna get buried in their room some somewhere and Josh Butler (07:15) And it will only resurface, for me, decades later when your parents are cleaning out your old room and and they put it in the box, they send it over to your house and you pull it out and go, that's that's neat, but you haven't thought about it in the entire time since there. So I think coaches have to be really mindful. And I think parents have a responsibility too, to not just celebrate the hardware, but rather what that hardware may represent, which is that hard work pays off. Josh Butler (07:39) that, effort matters, that that team collective success is really what we should be celebrating. Hardware, you know, the medal of the trophy, it's really just a reminder of of the process and the journey to get there that Josh Butler (07:53) your kid or the kids together were able to collectively experience. And I think we really as coaches have to be very mindful of that and really be intentional about reminding kids it's not about this, it's about the bigger picture. So they leave with that. The trophy might get forgotten, but hopefully those experiences, you know, they don't. Brad (08:10) Yeah, and I don't know if I could say it any better. I'm probably just gonna regurgitate what you're saying, but I completely align with you. I've always been on the side of winning's not a bad thing as long as you're putting it in the right perspective. And the purpose of putting in all that hard work at practice and coming together as a team is to reach that achievement of trying to get a win. And as long as you're focused more on that journey, as you put it, than you are on winning itself. Brad (08:40) then I think you've got a great perspective because I I don't think winning is a bad thing. I think it's been I think it's been flipped. and there's some negative out there. I think there's some negative teams that that, you know, you go on social media, all they're posting is trophy this, trophy that, and they're doing whatever they can to win that trophy. But if you've got the team and you're developing them and you're working hard, then, you know, that's when I think the winning does matter because it's showing achievement for what you've put in on the back end. So Brad (09:08) well said. I'm regurgitating what you said as well, but I I completely align with you. So thanks for your perspective on that. Josh Butler (09:14) I a lot of parents and probably coaches, they they're just so outcome driven, right? And Brad (09:18) Yeah. Josh Butler (09:19) and it's okay to be outcome driven to a degree, but you shouldn't Josh Butler (09:22) You that shouldn't be the entire experience. There's a even a chapter in the book called Be a Loser, which, you know, really uplifting, right? But it it just kind of recognizes that it you have to lose sometimes to learn how to win. How do you appreciate the success if you've never experienced the opposite? How do kids recognize that sometimes hard work does pay off and and if you're not gonna put the effort in, maybe you're not gonna get the outcome you want. So yeah, it you're right. It you know, winning's important, but it can't be the only thing. It's that journey that gets you there is so critical. Brad (09:51) Yeah, a Brad (09:51) hundred percent. And and you we've talked, you mentioned that as your players have gotten older, you sports start to feel a little bit more serious. And and I'm with you. I've got a 10-year-old son and an eight-year-old daughter, but I can already tell the older that we're getting now, the more serious it seems to get. for for the kids, they get a little bit more. I think the parents are taking it a little bit more serious. I'm starting to obviously ramp up coaching and and take it a little bit more serious myself, but Brad (10:19) also trying to find that balance of let's still have fun and develop. So, but I think it's a struggle, right? You all what's that struggle between fun and competitiveness and driving towards a a goal that you have for the team? So, you know, I you've you've d you've written about this and you've done a lot of thought process about this, but what does a fun practice actually look like for a competitive, say middle school team and how do you keep that enjoyment alive without lowering expectations of the team? Josh Butler (10:46) Yeah, it's a fine line. Josh Butler (10:48) Right? it in I don't think fun and competitiveness or or having fun and taking something seriously and and developing need to be in conflict. I think really they should be able to to ultimately be, you know, coexisting and and go hand in hand. If you're doing it right, that's probably what you're gonna, you know, what you're gonna lead to. You know, there's there's some statistics out there that show that seventy percent of kids by age thirteen quit sports. So that's the middle school age, right? And that's because I think it just becomes so heavy and there's so much pressure and when they Josh Butler (11:18) ask kids why they quit, it's not fun. Josh Butler (11:21) anymore. It just it's not Brad (11:22) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (11:22) enjoyable like it was before. And and you know all the all the opportunities kids are missing out on all the benefits of sport, you know, the camaraderie and the teamwork and and just the health benefits of of playing sports for kids, they're gone. You know, they just suddenly go away and who knows what they're getting into when they when they stop playing. 70% of kids by age 13, seven and 10. So I think we as coaches, whether you're an experienced coach or a new coach, just have to keep in mind that fun matters because that's why kids are stopping. They're not having fun anymore. Josh Butler (11:51) And it it I think I guess I would maybe leave coaches with a few thoughts. As as kids get older, Josh Butler (11:57) What is fun probably shifts, right? when they're when they're six and seven years old, you you can be silly and and play games like Sharks and Minnows and and Red Light, Green Light, and that, you know, that you can do that with every sport. and they and they love it, right? Those things don't change. You can be kind of goofy with them. But when they get older into the middle school age, it does get harder. And maybe you have to find different ways to to do it. Probably not gonna play red light, green light with 13 year olds. Maybe I should try it. It might be hilarious to watch them do it, but probably Brad (12:24) Yeah. Josh Butler (12:24) not gonna be real enjoyable for them. So maybe it's more competitive. Josh Butler (12:27) Games. Let them play. Let them scrimmage. They're all begging to. That's a way for them to have fun. You know, I think I was reminded of this just a couple weeks ago when I when I think about fun. We had a player that we don't, a couple players that don't usually play with our club team that that we know and they you know they play together, but not on the club team that came and joined a few of our practices. And I didn't think, to be honest, it was a particularly good practice. We were preparing for this this last tournament that ended up getting partially canceled, and we were talking a little more about strategy. Josh Butler (12:57) I did what I say to never do was I was talking too much. And it kills a practice, right? But I was doing it because we had to talk strategy, some higher level things, and it wasn't real exciting. Brad (13:05) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (13:06) But the last five minutes of practice, I did something kind of stupid. And have you ever seen you've watched girls volleyball ever before? Where, Brad (13:13) Mm-hmm. Of course, of course. Josh Butler (13:15) you know, after every play, success or not, they come together, they put their arms around each other, they hype each other up, and it's it's awesome. It's a little ridiculous because it's literally every single play, but it's like a really neat thing that they do. Brad (13:25) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (13:26) So I thought. Josh Butler (13:27) What if girls soccer was like girls volleyball? And we just did a really stupid mini social media video. And I can post it on my socials there if people want to see it. Josh Butler (13:36) just to let them just blow off some steam and have fun kind of practice. Five minutes. You know, miss a kick. Everyone came in and started, you know, celebrating each other. And they and they they kind of liked it. And I thought it was such a an insignificant part of the practice. But a week or two later I heard that this player that we don't usually have thought it was one of the best practices she's ever been at. And I thought, that practice? Like we it wasn't even a good practice. But it was that that last Josh Butler (14:00) s few minutes of of stupidity, right? That we did something fun that I think is what they left with that they really enjoyed. So even though kids get older, you can still find silly ways and fun ways. It might just be different than when they're younger. And I think again, fun and competitiveness it really should still coexist. Brad (14:17) Yeah, there's no reason why they can't. you can still work hard and have fun. And I like the way you position things. You gamify some things and you you put little challenges out there. I know the the older that my son and my daughter get, they like challenges in in their practices, right? So with a drill, there's a time challenge or there's a there's a skills type thing. I I'm with you too. Like the the last 10, 15 minutes of my practice, I always try to leave time for a game. And I I'll I'll probably do that for as long as I have the ability to coach and be a part of teams. Brad (14:47) because I think that's a great way to conclude things. You worked hard and you've earned the opportunity to just have fun, cut loose, and just do something for fun. I one thing I've done with my teams too, and and you know, people can steal this idea if they want, but like one practice a year, and the kids start looking forward to this is a like a soccer Olympics, for instance, or a baseball Olympics. And so you set up different stations and you do a skills competition, but then you actually hand out medals and things at the end. So it seems silly, Josh Butler (15:14) Yeah, cool. Brad (15:15) but Brad (15:15) I promise you, I don't care if your kid is 16, 17, or 18, or they're eight, nine, ten, they're gonna love having that opportunity to do a little skills competition, get this pretend medal at the end and and have a lot of fun. You still have to keep that fun as part of the game if you want these kids. Josh Butler (15:32) Absolutely. Brad (15:33) So you've experienced coaching both your kids and eventually, we talked about this and and hopefully you don't mind me bringing this up, but you had the decision to stop coaching your son because it was affecting a relationship that you had with him. And I think that's a lot of that's something a lot of parent coaches can relate to. you know, I don't maybe I'll be there one day. I don't know, but I you know, there's there's points of tension I think between, you know, both my son and my daughter when I'm coaching. It's tough to have your own kid because they think they can get away with a little bit more, I think. Josh Butler (16:02) True. Brad (16:02) on Brad (16:02) the team than w what you'd like them to. But how did you recognize it was time to step away? And what advice would you give to some coaches who are struggling to balance being the parent and a coach? Josh Butler (16:14) Yeah, I think I think it's a challenge, like you said, that a lot a lot of us deal with. ninety percent or more of youth coaches are parents, right? So we're all dealing with this this challenge. and I think that sounds like even a low number to be honest with you. So it's a common thing. And it's really hard not only coaching your kids, really hard being the coach's kid. I think we have to keep that in mind sometimes too, because of perceptions of others and and maybe it just being harder on them. you know, kids' personalities are different. And I think it's really important for for us as parents first. Josh Butler (16:44) First coach is second to be reflective of that and recognize that what works for one of your kids may not work for for the other as much as you want to think that think it's going be that way. for me, I think it was when my son was young, it was easy. It wasn't real competitive, still, we we got along great. It was just really, it was strictly fun at that point. But as I got a little older, maybe 10 or 11-ish, I started seeing that it was creating more conflict, and he's very different than my daughter, which is great. It's one of Josh Butler (17:14) great things about him versus her. She's very chill and relaxed and goes with the float. One of the reasons I'm still coaching her and lucky enough to do so. He took things more personally. You know, it was really hard for him and probably me to separate coach and dad. You know, when coach was criticizing or giving feedback or instructing, for him I think it was dad, you know, criticizing, giving feedback Brad (17:34) Mm-hmm. Sure. Josh Butler (17:35) and instructing. And was really hard, I think, to separate that. And I just kind of came to the realization that, you know, my son can have a lot of coaches. He gets one dad, right? Josh Butler (17:44) If I mess that up, that's a much bigger problem. So I I just recognize that it was time maybe for me to back away a little bit and I phase myself out assisting, not always being there, and then just walking away and and just recognizing it wasn't good for our relationship. It wasn't benefiting either one of us. And I get now just to go to his games and and be his loudest supporter. I went to the other side of the sideline, which is Brad (18:06) Right. Josh Butler (18:07) really it helped me as a coach, to be honest with you too, but it helped me as a parent as well. So I think coaches have to just Josh Butler (18:12) Aaron's first, coach second needs to recognize it it just may be time to back off. Brad (18:17) Yeah, Brad (18:17) I think it's very, very impactful. I'm sure that wasn't easy for you to do. I'm I'm imagining myself doing this same thing, you know, in a couple of years. but you know, as you're talking, a couple of things came to mind. You know, maybe a maybe a key tip here is as a parent coach, make sure you do have that conversation with your kid that you let them know that your critiquing of their play at a practice or a game is not coming from the parent side of you, right? That's coming from the coach side who's trying to help the the collective team do. Brad (18:47) better. And so maybe making that clear well in advance and ahead of time is something that could be done. The second thing is, you know, as you were talking, you know, up to a certain age, I think skill-wise, I'm still adding benefit to my child. But as a parent coach, I do think there's probably a time for all of us when we're thinking, am I helping them grow and develop enough? Or is it time for them to kind of fly the Brad (19:12) Fly the nest, fly the coop and find a different opportunity with somebody else that can take them to, whatever next level that might be. And so, it's tough. it's tough being a parent coach and you know, you you've done you've done the hard thing and and stepped away, but you're still coaching your daughter. And so I I just appreciate the thought process and I can imagine it was, you know, not the easiest thing to do for you. Josh Butler (19:35) you it was it was hard and and I think you you bring up a great point about at some point maybe kids need to be coached by someone other than their their parent and Josh Butler (19:43) I've done that with my daughter. she's she's played other sports and other levels and I've wanted to coach. I told you basketball was one of the things I probably enjoy coaching the most. I haven't coached her basketball for the last couple of years, and it's been really hard not doing that, knowing how much I love it and how much I enjoy coaching her, but it's really good for kids to experience other coaches, other perspectives and and approaches, cause they need that, right? And it's it's Brad (20:07) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (20:08) almost you get in the way sometimes if you're always the one coaching and it's hard to recognize that too. Josh Butler (20:13) But it like you said, it's important for them to have other coaches and and maybe it's just a skill thing, maybe it's a development thing, it's just different personality thing. It's ultimately good for them in the end to get all those different experiences. Brad (20:23) Yeah. And maybe this is a an odd segue, but let's talk about coaches and and coaches having favorites on the team. And this isn't in reference to, you know, daddy ball having your kid be your favorite. L just in general. And I don't think it's something that a lot of coaches openly admit. Maybe they will. I don't know. I'm on the camp where I do have some favorite players of mine, right? You you gravitate towards some kids, but those favorites, it's not Brad (20:52) At least in my instance, it's not the kids that are the best players. It's the ones that I see potential in, the ones that are working hard, the ones that give me eye contact and they listen and they respond and they're respectful. Man, those are the kids that I really gravitate towards. But, you know, it's also a tough mix of recognizing, you know, the kids that you really gravitate towards and sometimes maybe you don't gravitate towards some players on your team. So how do we recognize and reward the qualities that we really, really like? Brad (21:20) without creating that team environment where it's combative where the kids some kids are feeling overvalued or undervalued. Josh Butler (21:29) Yeah, I I love I love this topic. I actually made a little of a social media post about this recently with favorites, because I think it is controversial for coaches to say that we have a favorite. But the truth is we do. If we're being honest, we absolutely do. And it's as you say, it's not even the kid, it's probably more the behavior, right? It's more the trait Brad (21:44) Right. Josh Butler (21:45) and the it the way they handle themselves is that what we're drawn to. so I I do have favorites, I'll I'll openly admit that. And there are many seasons where I have sixteen favorites, right? Where every s every single one, and and some seasons where I probably don't, if I'm gonna be honest. Josh Butler (22:00) but no, I I think it's important that we recognize as coaches that it's okay to have favorites as long as you're having favorites for the right reason. If it's the favorite because of the star shortstop, or they strike the most kids out, or they make the most kills in volleyball, they score the most goals. Like that's probably not the kind of favorite you wanna have. It's probably more Josh Butler (22:20) The attitude and the effort Brad (22:21) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (22:22) that the kid brings. And I I tell, my kids a lot, my kids, but also the players, there's really two things. And a lot of truthfully, there's a lot of things you don't have any control over in not only sport but life. But there's a few things too, specifically, that I feel like you always have control over attitude and effort. If you can bring a positive attitude and you can bring a high level of effort, you are gonna be every coach's favorite and you should be. And that's available to every player, right? It doesn't, it's not a Josh Butler (22:50) skill-based favorite. It's it's the behavior-based effort that's really available to you know to all of them. So I think if if kid if if coaches can be open about you know the favorites to a degree, not the kid again, but more the behaviors and they recognize it and they recognize it openly, you'll probably find the other kids start to be have start to have some of those behaviors as well. And it makes every kid a favorite, which is exactly what you probably want to be by the end of the season. Brad (23:15) Yeah. I and I think the approach that I like to take is I'll be pretty vocal in practice when I see behaviors that I really like. So if I see, you know, John doing something that I really appreciate, I'll say, John, man, good effort on that with way to hustle back. Right. So it's it's being vocal and it's giving them a chance to to receive some recognition, but the other kids are hearing it too. And it's it's pretty amazing. You see it, it's a little bit contagious, right? They they all want that little Josh Butler (23:41) It is. Brad (23:41) nod from coach. Brad (23:42) And you you got a great point, right? When we're talking about favorites, it doesn't mean that you have to have one or two favorites. Your team could be your favorites, I like the whole team could be hardworking, given constant effort, favorite type of kids. And so, I think that's an important point, right? Like I think when you say favorites, everybody w might think one or two kids, but that's not the case. You could have a whole team of people that are just grinding it out and giving you everything they they've got. Josh Butler (24:09) Right. Yeah. And you you mentioned daddy ball, right? It's real. and and I I Brad (24:11) Yeah. Yeah. Josh Butler (24:13) for whatever reason baseball seems to be the one it it's most most, contagious in, right? where it's most common. But it it's a real thing. And I think a lot of us as parent coaches almost do the opposite, where you're harder on your own kid. It's harder for them to be the favorite than it is for for anybody else, even though they're just putting this much work in and and maybe more time. so yeah, have ha coaches, have favorites. but but make sure those favorites are the right kind of favorites. Brad (24:37) Yeah, a hundred percent. so in your book you talk a lot about culture and I like your point that culture, you know, probably starts with the coach, but ultimately it belongs with players, right? The players are the ones that have to live and breathe that culture and really have it catch fire within the the team, the the organization. So for a volunteer coach who might only have a team for like eight or ten weeks, what are maybe two to three things that they could do right away to help create that positive culture? Brad (25:05) that kids actually buy into. Josh Butler (25:07) Yeah, and and that I if you think about eight to ten weeks is probably the standard time frame for a lot of seasons, right? And it's that's short. that's not a lot of time. I Brad (25:14) Right. Josh Butler (25:15) think coaches have to recognize, especially if they're they're parents that are that are stepping into this that aren't gonna have the same kids year over year, that you know, the culture you create is not gonna be this, you know, you're not Nick Sabin creating a culture at Alabama or, you know, with the Patriots with with Belichick before it's just that's not the expectation or the reality of what you're gonna be able to accomplish. So it's okay that it's that it's just maybe a superficial or Josh Butler (25:37) starting point for culture, but it's still important to to try to set it up, even though it's just eight to ten weeks, especially as the kids get a little bit older. I guess I would probably think about this maybe in in in maybe four ways. You know, one is is be intentional. And I'm talking about being intentional from the start, before the season even starts. Just take five minutes and sit down as a coach and think about what do I want the culture of this team to be. It doesn't need to be complicated, you have to overthink it, but is it effort and attitude? Do you want Josh Butler (26:07) The team to all, really work hard together and have a positive attitude. That could be your culture. Do you want them to be super supportive of each other? I think those are things we all would want. You know, how do we create Brad (26:14) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (26:16) a supportive environment for the kids? And I think that just being intentional from the start is maybe the most important thing you can begin with. And it includes parents. And whether you want to hear that or not, and like it or not, the truth is parents are part of the team culture. And you have to recognize that. So that first parent email you send, you know, hey, congratulations, you're the new coach. Here's a whistle. Josh Butler (26:37) Email us, figure it out, right? That happens a lot of times. Before you send the email, think about it. What do I want to communicate to them? What are my expectations, not for the players, but for the parents, going to be with communication? You know, be intentional from the beginning is probably number one. I think the second thing I'd probably talk about is creating connection early. And I mean connection opportunities, not just for you as a coach, but more so for your players. Learn their names. Like it starts that simple. Learn their names and learn them fast. And not just you as a coach. Josh Butler (27:07) But have the kids learn each other's names. I had a team a couple of years ago where we're at the last week of the season and two of the kids didn't know each other's names yet. And it was like shocking to me, and I didn't even pick up on it. So be intentional by creating those opportunities early on. If you're having your pizza party at the very end of the season, it's the first time the kids are really getting together to hang out. You kind of miss seven weeks of opportunity, right? So maybe by the end of week one or you know week two, get the kids together in a low pressure situation, take them out for ice cream. Josh Butler (27:35) Get them a pizza, get popsables if you don't want to spend the money. do something that just creates some opportunity for them to connect with each other and not just their name, but something about them. You know, they have siblings or they have pets. Maybe the kids are gonna see, you know, that kid in school and talk to him about their pet they have, or they're gonna see him at a game and go over after the game and and and pet their dog. Like those are little things that really start to matter. So be intentional and create opportunities for connection early. And I would say, you know, creating a shared identity can can be something really valuable. Josh Butler (28:05) And again, I wouldn't overthink this as a coach. You have eight weeks. Can you set up a team cheer? Just like something that simple, a pregame routine or a break the huddle cheer or a post-game before we all leave. What are we gonna say? Like it can be really simple. Can you have a team motto? You know, my team's motto has been never quit for our soccer team, and it's become our identity. And it's been very, very positive. Or when I took a team to Austria, which maybe can talk about later, we had the the motto of stronger together. That was our motto. So Josh Butler (28:35) So doesn't need to be complicated, it can be super simple and try number four to give kids some ownership, include them in this, let them be a part of it, let them lead the team cheer and be a part of creating it. Let them break it down at the end of a game or the end of a practice. It doesn't need to be a lot. You have eight weeks to ten weeks. Do something simple, but be thoughtful about it and you can achieve what you need to achieve with creating a positive culture for the team. Brad (28:58) Yeah, those are a solid four. I'm gonna add one more. I and you you alluded to it with be intentional, but I think communication is key and a communication specifically to the parents to create this culture, even in eight weeks, it's always nice to have a couple of coach communications come out about hey, what are we gonna work on this week? How did things look in the game? What are some things that the you know, the kids can be working on at home, that sort of thing. But just keep those parents engaged so that they can reiterate what you're telling the team, but they can do it at home and Brad (29:27) kids kids are gonna grow more at home sometimes than they will in just the one, two, three hours that you have with them and practice during the week, too. And so you mentioned, you know, took your your girls over overseas. I was recently in Germany and I was talking with a mom as well who had a a son about my age playing in an academy is the way, you know, their their club systems in academy. and I was talking to her about, you know, similarities and differences. in in their academy. Brad (29:55) They intentionally keep a group of kids together longer periods of time. And what I've seen in the US is you'll get a couple of better players plucked out and moved up and and moved around and and not really that chance to move with a team and and create that core group. So that's just one learning I had from a little bit of international influence on on what's happening overseas. But maybe you give me some perspective on on your trip to Austria and how that went with your team. Josh Butler (30:22) Yeah, no, we had a a great experience. unfortunately not the entire team was able to go, but but about half half the team we we kind of knew we were able to go participate in something called the United World Games. It was in Austria in June. It was kind of a mini youth Olympics, but had like 10,000 athletes from all across the world. And what an experience, you know, it was. And I was lucky enough to to coach the Youth 13 USA girls with my daughter and a a couple of her teammates and a few other players there. And we talk about culture, right? Josh Butler (30:52) And being able to do it in a short amount of time. I I hadn't even met half of these players and the teammates didn't meet half of them until we literally got there. We had one practice the night before the the two-day tournament. And and you know, it it was kind of like you know, culture on steroids. Like, how are we gonna figure this out like immediately and be able to build something? How are we gonna you know accomplish this? And I I I knew I couldn't do that, so I basically looked at the identity part. You know, we talked about those four things. I think I I created a team identity. Josh Butler (31:22) Or tried to. I'm not sure if I was successful in that. And I tried to give the kids some ownership of it. We talked about, you know, our motto was going to be stronger together. We had a few Austrian girls that actually participated with us on the team. So there was a language barrier. So we had to figure that out too. But we we kind of had that motto that together, you know, all these kids from different backgrounds were going to come together and play. And we'd only be successful, we were able to be stronger together as a team. And I think they bought into that in a very short amount of time. I had t shirts made, so I gave kind of a visual identity. Josh Butler (31:52) as as maybe simplistic as that was, maybe that helped a little bit. And I let the girls kind of figure out some of the cheer. In fact, we even did the end of it in in German and the kids could all make fun of me, which bonded them, you know, to a degree, making fun of coach, not being able to pronounce words in German. But it was a really neat experience and I think, you know, even broader than culture, it created a lot of awareness and reflectiveness for me and my kids too to realize how much bigger sport is than trophies and winning like we talked about. Josh Butler (32:21) a little bit earlier, that you know, that that team building and that how much is shared across cultures when it comes to sport and how sport's really universal and how valuable of an experience. Not just leaving that was and we didn't we didn't win the the tournament, which was disappointing, but I don't care. Like w we left with such great memories and such experiences from it that it that was the more important takeaway. And I hope the the girls left with that. My son actually played on the the team U13 boys. I think he left with that experience, I hope too Josh Butler (32:52) so it would what a great experience to be able to travel overseas or even just a local tournament is still an opportunity for for people who maybe don't have that much of an opportunity to go, you know, further away. But it put things in great perspective for me as far as you know sport. Brad (33:06) Yeah, for sure. And I I imagine I imagine you saw a lot of similarities with some of the teams and how they approach things, which i is a little unifying too in this youth sports world that hey in the US we're not we're not so crazy. We're not doing things completely different than everybody else. There's probably a lot of opportunities that that are happening elsewhere elsewhere too. What a cool opportunity. That's Josh Butler (33:26) Right. Yeah. Brad (33:28) really, really fun. So your book is called The Youth Coaches Playbook Twenty One Ways to Be the Brad (33:35) Coach every kid remembers. So tell me this. You've written the book, you've been a coach for a number of years. If you could now go back and give yourself one piece of advice before coaching your very first youth team, what would it be and why? Josh Butler (33:50) Great question. great, you know, I've actually asked this question to other people before because I've I was kind of curious where they came from. and you get kind of the, you know, the silly answers like, you know, don't do it, is what people will will sometimes joke and say if they give gave themselves advice previously. You get some, you know, some cynical responses like parents are the worst, which I think is, you know, not not true. but Brad (34:12) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (34:13) people have bad experiences sometimes. And you get I've gotten some of the the I think answers that are more along where I where I kind of come out with it is Josh Butler (34:21) it would be more rewarding and fulfilling than you ever anticipated and and probably ever set out to to expect, you know, from it. I think you get a spectrum when you ask people that question. And I honestly, I think it's kind of why I wrote the book in the first place. I was on social media reading stuff that you were posting, you know, great tidbits and coaching thoughts from you and others. And it got me thinking about, you know, when I was starting and how I wish I had someone that told me some of these things, there was a collection of these ideas that would give somebody a jump start. Josh Butler (34:51) So I just started writing some of the things down that I wish I knew or that I heard from other people that I wanted to share. And before I knew it, I I was writing a book. I didn't set out to really do that. But it's what happened. And I'm I'm I'm grateful for the opportunity to have done it. But so many of us just get kind of thrust into this without the background and we don't know where to start. And and I I I hope this book is a playbook, so to speak, to kind of allow coaches, especially new coaches or reluctant parent coaches, to be able to get Josh Butler (35:20) To know they can do it and get involved with it and to be able to do so with confidence and coach kids the right way. And that's what I hope the book, you know, is a takeaway for for people. I think if I if I had to answer your question with with maybe one primary answer, you don't have to know everything. And I think that's what the maybe the greatest barrier to coaches getting involved is they they think they have to know everything. They have to be a former pro or have this extensive experience. You don't have to know everything to get started. And I think of an interview that you did. Josh Butler (35:50) Not long ago with Greg Olson, right? Brad (35:52) Mm-hmm. Josh Butler (35:53) Legendary NFL player, announcer, coaching, I think was it middle school, coaching youth football. Brad (35:59) Yeah. Yeah. Josh Butler (36:01) how lucky are these kids to have someone like that that not only has the pro experience and and knows everything, so to speak, but also can relate with them and meet them where they're at on their level. I mean, how lucky are these kids to have that combination? But the truth is. Josh Butler (36:19) I'm not Greg Olson and and none of us are Greg Olson. There's not a lot of Greg Olsons out there, right? You don't have to have that kind of a background to get started and to make a difference. So what I would tell parents or a coach if it was myself when I was just getting started, it's okay to not know everything. You can still do it. Brad (36:38) It's a great message. I I fully agree with you. And you you said it at the beginning, it's it's so rewarding. when I think back, if I answer this question, I think about the things that have been most rewarding for me is the thank you notes that you get at the end of the season. So if you have Josh Butler (36:54) Yeah. Brad (36:54) a postseason party or something, there's Josh Butler (36:56) Mm-hmm. Brad (36:57) always, you know, you're not gonna get them from everybody probably, but the few kids that take time to write you a handwritten thank you for the time, I still have a box of those things that I keep. And I'm like, that means more to me. Brad (37:08) than championships, having your name on a banner, whatever it looks like. But to me, that shows you made an impact, even if it's just one kid writing one thank you. So I'm with you. It's super rewarding. So please step up. If you're if you're on the borderline between coaching and not coaching, step up and do it for sure. Josh Butler (37:26) So well, s actually have a box of them right over here on the air Brad (37:28) Yeah. Josh Butler (37:29) side of my my computer. And I you're right. I would trade every trophy, every success for that. A hundred Brad (37:35) Yeah. Josh Butler (37:35) percent. Brad (37:36) Yep. Years from now, I'm sure I'll go back and look through those again just to reminisce a bit. So it's it's a it's it's really nice to have. Brad (37:43) Josh, thanks so much for your time today. super valuable insights. I love that you've written this book. I think we're very much aligned in trying to help others with the things that we've learned and promote the opportunity to be a coach, to step up, but more importantly, to do it the right way and to try to raise, you know, really good human beings and create some fun and some some good environments. So I appreciate your time and energy that you've put into ri writing a book about it. Brad (38:12) but then certainly joining me here to talk about it as well. Do me a favor and let people know, where they c where can they find the book, some more about you, and and to follow along your journey as well. Josh Butler (38:25) Yeah, so the the youth coaches playbook, Twenty One Ways to Be the Coach Every Kid Remembers, is available on Amazon. It's an e book. It's a paperback book. I'm not making a lot of money on this and I do not care. Josh Butler (38:36) it's that's not just like for what you're doing, it's not really the you know, the goal, but it's out there if you wanna, you know, take a look at it, maybe share with a coach or a parent that may be on the fence about and getting involved. I think my goal is to get more coaches, more parents I should say, to say yes to being a coach because we we need more coaches, right? It there's always a you know deficiency of them. We're always desperate to have more people step up. So I think for for for being a salesperson, what can I do to help a coach say yes or a prospective coach Josh Butler (39:06) say yes. So check the book out. Maybe it it helps give you a little more confidence. You can also find us on social media, Facebook and Instagram at the youth coaches playbook. I try to share you know, some weekly insights for for coaching that goes beyond the book and hopefully it helps some some new coaches out. But yeah, I'd love for you to check it out and and ultimately spread the word that that we need more coaches and hopefully more of them are willing to to take that jump into the crazy world but fulfilling world of of coaching youth sports. Brad (39:35) Yeah, it's awesome. And please, I'd encourage you to check out the book, check out Josh's content. It's really, really good stuff. And if this episode helped you, share it with another coach or parent who's figuring it out too. You can find Uncoached in this episode wherever you listen to podcasts. You can watch the episode on YouTube and make sure to follow the coaching dad on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook. We'll see you next time on Uncoached.