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Transcript

Priceless Friendship Life Lessons From You Chicks! · Two Broke Chicks

0:00
Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on gaddigal Land Always was, always
0:04
Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal Land.
0:13
Speaker 2: Paychecks.
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Speaker 3: I'm ol and this's two boat cheeks, the show that
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Speaker 3: shares life lessons and tips to.
0:18
Speaker 4: Be rich in life. And got something kind of exciting
0:23
Speaker 4: to announce. Yeah wait is it that.
0:29
Speaker 2: Drum roll?
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Speaker 5: Please?
0:34
Speaker 3: Finding Your People is officially out. Oh my god, we're
0:40
Speaker 3: avisually authors exciting.
0:43
Speaker 2: Yep.
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Speaker 3: So, in case you missed the memo, our book, Finding
0:46
Speaker 3: Your People, the Ultimate Guide to Friendship is out today,
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Speaker 3: available at.
0:52
Speaker 2: A good bookstore near you, and we're so excited.
0:55
Speaker 4: I can't believe.
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Speaker 5: I'm so happy for everyone who has it in their
0:59
Speaker 5: little pores already if you've pre ordered it, but yeah,
1:03
Speaker 5: you can get it from Big w book Topia just
1:07
Speaker 5: literally search Finding Your People online or go to the
1:09
Speaker 5: show notes.
1:10
Speaker 4: And we are just so so so so excited.
1:14
Speaker 5: For you chicks to have this book, because it's been
1:16
Speaker 5: one that you've been asking for for literally since we
1:19
Speaker 5: started doing this, which is wild. Yeah, now it's out there,
1:23
Speaker 5: like in our brains and now it's out there.
1:26
Speaker 2: It's surreal.
1:27
Speaker 4: I can't believe it.
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Speaker 5: I'm so like excited and nervous and like every good
1:31
Speaker 5: emotion that you have like within a friendship, then now
1:35
Speaker 5: like that friendship is now bleeding into the hearts of
1:38
Speaker 5: the world, which is just so so cool. And to celebrate,
1:44
Speaker 5: we wanted to do an episode featuring your life lessons
1:48
Speaker 5: on friendships because you're a smart bunch of chicks, you are,
1:52
Speaker 5: and so we've shared ours in.
1:55
Speaker 4: The book Finding Your People Available to a lot good.
2:00
Speaker 3: We want to share yours as well, and you chicks,
2:03
Speaker 3: as we always say, whys bunch of chicks, have sent
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Speaker 3: in some really amazing life lessons that we can't wait
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Speaker 3: to share and also discuss.
2:11
Speaker 4: There's a few one here that I was like, oh
2:13
Speaker 4: hot takes hot, yeah, which I'm really keen.
2:16
Speaker 5: But before we get into the episode, we do share
2:19
Speaker 5: our product recommendations or what's trending for the week, So
2:23
Speaker 5: sour hit me, what am I bang?
2:26
Speaker 2: My recommendation of the week was going to be the book.
2:29
Speaker 4: That's a good product recommendation. Mine can be an accompany
2:33
Speaker 4: to the book.
2:35
Speaker 5: And basically it's this portable heater that's like a fake fireplace,
2:40
Speaker 5: right and it literally looks like a fire You can
2:45
Speaker 5: get it from kmart and it's seventy nine dollars. Wow,
2:49
Speaker 5: and It is this cute little heater and you can
2:52
Speaker 5: also have the fire going, but it doesn't have to
2:54
Speaker 5: emit heat.
2:55
Speaker 4: So just for the vibe. Yeah, just for the vie.
2:57
Speaker 3: I love that right, But it also will emit heat
2:59
Speaker 3: because getting koled.
3:01
Speaker 4: So if you want to curl up next door fireplace.
3:04
Speaker 3: With a good book book, you can get this fireplace
3:08
Speaker 3: and it's from came Out.
3:09
Speaker 4: You can also get one from Bunnings.
3:11
Speaker 5: Just look up like portable fake fireplace heater and you'll
3:14
Speaker 5: see heaps and you can get one within your budget.
3:17
Speaker 2: How cute?
3:17
Speaker 5: I don't know, because I grew up with the fireplace
3:20
Speaker 5: and it is the one thing that I miss about
3:23
Speaker 5: being at.
3:24
Speaker 4: Home, was what I was gonna say.
3:25
Speaker 5: But Dad, like you guys are good too, but that fireplace.
3:30
Speaker 3: Man, the one physical thing, one object, not your fan
3:35
Speaker 3: friends and family.
3:38
Speaker 2: We saved you.
3:39
Speaker 4: Thanks, you're.
3:41
Speaker 2: Exactly.
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Speaker 5: Yeah, is like just I love like winter shit like that,
3:47
Speaker 5: like you know, like the wool mattress topper as well
3:49
Speaker 5: that you can get keep your cozy love that slow
3:51
Speaker 5: cookup love that.
3:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, we love a cozy moment.
3:55
Speaker 4: Let's get into the life lessons.
3:56
Speaker 5: Ye if they bitch about every man and their dog
4:07
Speaker 5: they're probably also bitching about.
4:10
Speaker 4: You one thousand percent.
4:15
Speaker 5: I think we recently spoke about this all night because
4:19
Speaker 5: someone said, oh, but if someone you know grows up
4:23
Speaker 5: and they had no friends, like, that's a bit of
4:25
Speaker 5: a red flag, which we don't agree with because one,
4:29
Speaker 5: that's kind.
4:29
Speaker 4: Of just like a mean vibe, and two, making friends
4:32
Speaker 4: is hard.
4:33
Speaker 5: Building friendships is hard. High school is difficult. Making friends
4:37
Speaker 5: outside of high school and you have no false proximity
4:40
Speaker 5: is difficult, which is why you know, a lot of
4:42
Speaker 5: people try to make friends through UNI or work, but
4:44
Speaker 5: it is not easy to build connections with other people.
4:49
Speaker 5: Like I think we really oversimplify it, like and had
4:53
Speaker 5: this expectation and that if you don't have these lifelong
4:56
Speaker 5: friends and there's something wrong with you and you're evil.
4:58
Speaker 4: No, I don't agree with that. What they do agree with.
5:01
Speaker 5: The red flag in that situation is if someone has
5:04
Speaker 5: no friends but they bitch about every single person that
5:08
Speaker 5: they've ever been friends with, that's the red flag.
5:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like all of their previous friendships ended in
5:16
Speaker 3: some dramatic conflict where they were always the victim and
5:19
Speaker 3: their other friends were in quotation marks crazy. Yeah, Like
5:23
Speaker 3: that's a red flag if they seem to be the
5:25
Speaker 3: common denominator in drama in their friendships and whether or
5:30
Speaker 3: not they don't have any long term friends, or they
5:33
Speaker 3: do have long term friends but they bitch about them a.
5:36
Speaker 2: Lot, that's a red flag.
5:38
Speaker 3: There's a difference between venting about a friend to someone
5:41
Speaker 3: because you're always going to do that, like, let's be real,
5:45
Speaker 3: But the difference is if they're bitching about all of
5:48
Speaker 3: their friends and all the time, if that's like their
5:51
Speaker 3: only point of conversation, that's a red flag.
5:54
Speaker 5: It's like bitching and gossiping are the same thing, and
5:58
Speaker 5: so it's like, actually, maybe not, because gossiping is something
6:04
Speaker 5: that we've kind of deemed that you're not directly involved in.
6:09
Speaker 5: So like venting and gossiping are two different things because
6:12
Speaker 5: venting is something that you're directly involved in and you
6:15
Speaker 5: probably need to get off your chest.
6:16
Speaker 3: And when you spend a lot of time with friends,
6:19
Speaker 3: there's gonna be moments in time that your friends piss
6:21
Speaker 3: you off, Like it's just statistically going to happen, just.
6:24
Speaker 2: Like any other relationship.
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Speaker 5: But a friend or a person that is continuously gossiping
6:29
Speaker 5: about things that they weren't necessarily involved in or bitching
6:32
Speaker 5: about things that wasn't necessarily the situation or just again
6:38
Speaker 5: didn't directly involve them is just the biggest red flag.
6:43
Speaker 5: And it also just sets a foundation for a bad
6:46
Speaker 5: friendship because it's all about like energy, and if your
6:50
Speaker 5: energy is constantly about negative things, it's going to be
6:52
Speaker 5: a negative friendship. Yeah, and you just can't trust someone
6:57
Speaker 5: like that either. No, I would never tell a secret
6:59
Speaker 5: till someone that was constantly bitching. Yeah.
7:02
Speaker 2: That's also a lesson.
7:04
Speaker 5: Another life lesson from the chicks. You don't have to
7:07
Speaker 5: talk every day. Everyone gets busy in their own lives.
7:11
Speaker 3: I think so many people can relate to this, especially
7:14
Speaker 3: as you grow older and life does get busier. Like
7:18
Speaker 3: some of the best friendships are the ones where you
7:20
Speaker 3: only talk every other week or sometimes every other month.
7:24
Speaker 3: And you know, we do always say that friendships are
7:27
Speaker 3: a reason a season or a lifetime, and sometimes those
7:30
Speaker 3: lifetime friendships are the ones that you don't always talk
7:34
Speaker 3: to them. You're not seeing them every single day because
7:36
Speaker 3: maybe they live in a different state, or maybe they
7:40
Speaker 3: have a family now so they're a little bit more busy,
7:42
Speaker 3: or whatever the case may be. But when you do
7:46
Speaker 3: get together or you do speak again, it's like.
7:48
Speaker 2: No time has passed and there's no distance between you.
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Speaker 3: And even if you don't talk every single day, you
7:54
Speaker 3: know that you can still rely on them in the
7:56
Speaker 3: moments when you need them.
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Speaker 5: Yeah, I think a lot of people who have a
7:59
Speaker 5: life distance friendship could probably relate to this a lot,
8:03
Speaker 5: because long distance friendships are just a different type of heartache,
8:07
Speaker 5: especially when you started out not being long distance, when
8:13
Speaker 5: you were literally five minutes away from each other and
8:16
Speaker 5: you didn't appreciate it for what it was, and not
8:19
Speaker 5: that you should have been doing that because you didn't
8:22
Speaker 5: know any different. But when you have a long distance friendship,
8:26
Speaker 5: it's this massive evolution that you go through because you
8:30
Speaker 5: go from not really having to make an effort to
8:32
Speaker 5: having to make all the effort, Like all your interaction
8:36
Speaker 5: has to be effort. And we do go into it
8:39
Speaker 5: in the book and how you can build like an
8:41
Speaker 5: anchor in the friendship. But like my two best friends,
8:46
Speaker 5: I've got three best friends that moved away. Yeah, but
8:49
Speaker 5: one that moved to Melbourne, one that moved to New Zealand,
8:51
Speaker 5: and one that moved to Ireland.
8:52
Speaker 4: Do you think that was the common denomina.
8:55
Speaker 2: All I have something to tell you.
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Speaker 5: If you fucking moved, I would be up rooting my life.
9:02
Speaker 2: And moving with you.
9:03
Speaker 4: I've told you this before. You like, maybe I've moved
9:05
Speaker 4: to New Zealand. I was like, well, guess I'm moving
9:07
Speaker 4: to New Zealand.
9:08
Speaker 3: We'll buy a duplex and Arrowtown because we can go
9:12
Speaker 3: hang out with the Morning Shift podcast, our best friends.
9:15
Speaker 4: I love them. They have no idea we exist. Everyone.
9:18
Speaker 5: If you're listening to this, go on the most recent
9:21
Speaker 5: post from the Morning Shift and just be like, at
9:23
Speaker 5: two broach Chicks is really cool, and then maybe they'll
9:26
Speaker 5: notice us.
9:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, we want to get them on the show.
9:28
Speaker 4: We love them.
9:29
Speaker 3: Are getting shy.
9:35
Speaker 2: Go red, were fangirl cool?
9:39
Speaker 4: We just said we're cool.
9:40
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, sorry, yeah, we'll cut that. I'm joking, but yeah.
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Speaker 5: I think it's this moment with a long distance friend
9:53
Speaker 5: that you realize everything that was easy is now hard,
9:58
Speaker 5: and it really does take a lot of effort one
10:01
Speaker 5: to like kind of move past that and accept that
10:03
Speaker 5: the friendship is now going to be different and to
10:06
Speaker 5: take the time to put in the effort. So, like
10:08
Speaker 5: a few things that you can do is, you know,
10:11
Speaker 5: making time to book in the calls, and have those conversations,
10:14
Speaker 5: but don't make them like a meeting.
10:17
Speaker 4: They don't have an agenda.
10:18
Speaker 5: That's like, so on Saturday at eight am, I went
10:23
Speaker 5: and saw my parents and they're good, and then they
10:26
Speaker 5: got a review at work on Wednesday, Like talk about
10:30
Speaker 5: nothing that matters obviously the important stuff and when that
10:33
Speaker 5: needs to happen, that needs to happen.
10:34
Speaker 4: But friendship shouldn't be work, but you have to put
10:37
Speaker 4: work in. And I that shit a shot, but that
10:44
Speaker 4: JA shirt. Oh God, I'm coining it.
10:50
Speaker 2: God help us all.
10:52
Speaker 4: Okay, So this one isn't a life lesson.
10:55
Speaker 5: This one is a question, and I think it's really
11:00
Speaker 5: really valid, and it says, is it okay to love
11:02
Speaker 5: your current friends but also crave new connections?
11:08
Speaker 4: I think so one hundred percent.
11:11
Speaker 3: No one person can fill every single cup in your life.
11:15
Speaker 3: And also, as you grow and evolve, you're going to
11:18
Speaker 3: want to meet other people that challenge you or perhaps
11:22
Speaker 3: align with your.
11:23
Speaker 4: Values more like that's what life is all about.
11:27
Speaker 2: Like meaningful connections with people.
11:29
Speaker 3: I don't think you're like, Okay, well that average person
11:32
Speaker 3: has five friends.
11:32
Speaker 2: I got five friends. Yeah that's it.
11:34
Speaker 4: You're like you're never like done.
11:36
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not like you don't just tick a box
11:38
Speaker 5: because the main essence of everything that we've learned and
11:42
Speaker 5: the first line so to be a pluggy bitch, But
11:46
Speaker 5: the first line is you haven't met all the people
11:49
Speaker 5: that will love you yet, And like the book was
11:53
Speaker 5: written to help you find them, but you kind of
11:56
Speaker 5: never find all the people that will love you. Yet
11:58
Speaker 5: you're constantly reaching and meeting new people. That there's nothing
12:03
Speaker 5: wrong with wanting to crave new connections and new interactions
12:07
Speaker 5: and new relationships in your life. It doesn't take away
12:09
Speaker 5: from the friendships that you have. It doesn't mean they're
12:12
Speaker 5: missing anything. That's where the whole seven friend theory comes
12:15
Speaker 5: about exactly like what you're saying, there's not one person
12:18
Speaker 5: that can feel every single thing that you need. And
12:21
Speaker 5: also sometimes you're not aware of those things, yeah, or.
12:24
Speaker 2: You might need at different times of your life.
12:27
Speaker 5: Yes, well, but friendships manifest in such different ways. You
12:32
Speaker 5: can have multiple best friends and they can feed you
12:36
Speaker 5: and your heart.
12:37
Speaker 4: And your soul in so many different ways.
12:39
Speaker 3: And I want to say as well that no good
12:42
Speaker 3: friend is going to be threatened or jealous by you
12:46
Speaker 3: making other friends like they're going to want to see
12:50
Speaker 3: you happy and fulfilled and making other relationships in your life.
12:55
Speaker 3: I think if you're still maintaining a relationship.
12:58
Speaker 5: That I'm going to say, and you haven't completely dropped, yeah, yeah,
13:03
Speaker 5: like it comes because sometimes you can get a bit
13:05
Speaker 5: wrapped up, you get in the honeymoon phase. Ye, right,
13:08
Speaker 5: and then you maybe don't give as much attention to
13:11
Speaker 5: your other friendships.
13:12
Speaker 4: And then that's maybe when it's valid for them to
13:15
Speaker 4: be like, hey, can I get Can I get a bone?
13:18
Speaker 5: Yeah?
13:18
Speaker 4: You know? Can I get a crumb?
13:20
Speaker 5: Yeah?
13:21
Speaker 4: Can I get a Can I get a ham sandwich?
13:25
Speaker 4: I get a bone?
13:28
Speaker 3: But if you feel like you are still giving attention
13:32
Speaker 3: and time and space to that friendship, but they're getting jealous.
13:35
Speaker 4: Just sometimes some friends are just dicks.
13:36
Speaker 3: Yeah, just because you have a new friend that's not
13:40
Speaker 3: a good friend.
13:40
Speaker 4: That's a sign of a toxic friendship.
13:42
Speaker 5: If they don't allow you to have other friends, which
13:45
Speaker 5: is a whole chapter.
13:46
Speaker 2: Which is a whole chapter.
13:48
Speaker 4: That's actually this other life lesson from Georgia.
13:50
Speaker 5: She says, cut those toxic people out, And I say, Jesus, but.
13:57
Speaker 1: That didn't.
14:02
Speaker 2: It's true.
14:04
Speaker 5: The girl that leaves you at the club alone to
14:06
Speaker 5: go home with a boy is not your friend.
14:10
Speaker 3: Oh there's two sides, two sides sides, right, I think.
14:22
Speaker 4: See, it depends how often this is happening.
14:26
Speaker 5: I think because if my friend was if I was
14:30
Speaker 5: having like a girl's night with my friend and she
14:32
Speaker 5: found an absolute fitty she found like a Harry Styles
14:36
Speaker 5: or like a Henry Cavill, who am I to stand
14:39
Speaker 5: in the way A one might stand like I'm never
14:44
Speaker 5: going to be like, no, you have to stay with me.
14:46
Speaker 5: Who isn't a sexy, sexy person and isn't going to
14:50
Speaker 5: have sex with you?
14:51
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I would be like you go, yeah, you
14:54
Speaker 4: climb that. I want the grapple hook and I want
14:57
Speaker 4: you to put her around his bicep. I want to
15:00
Speaker 4: grapple hooky way up around. That's where I like stand
15:03
Speaker 4: on that.
15:04
Speaker 5: However, if this is like a repeat offender and they
15:08
Speaker 5: going with like I sid the sloth, yeah every time.
15:12
Speaker 5: And I mean that like personality wise, actually this has
15:15
Speaker 5: a lovely personality.
15:17
Speaker 4: Sorry about that. I know who's who's a slime ball?
15:22
Speaker 4: Who's a drongo?
15:23
Speaker 2: Ooh what's his name from Monsters inc?
15:28
Speaker 4: Oh? Randal? Randal with a Randall?
15:33
Speaker 5: No, Yeah, see, we've got to have some some boundaries
15:38
Speaker 5: that like if they're constantly dropping you for like no reason,
15:43
Speaker 5: just to like you're basically their ticket to like go
15:45
Speaker 5: out and meet someone, and you're like the in between
15:49
Speaker 5: things so that they don't have to go out by themselves.
15:51
Speaker 4: I totally get that.
15:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, that sucks. Yeah, that would be so frustrated.
15:54
Speaker 4: You'd feel used.
15:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're like, I'm here to have a good
15:58
Speaker 3: time with my friend and every single time you're ditching
16:01
Speaker 3: me and going home with somebody, Like that would be
16:05
Speaker 3: so frustrating.
16:06
Speaker 2: I completely get that.
16:07
Speaker 3: But if it is just a one time thing or
16:11
Speaker 3: like your friend is like going through, you know.
16:13
Speaker 2: Their single phase. They're putting themselves out there.
16:15
Speaker 5: But that that friend might be single too, Like maybe
16:17
Speaker 5: that friend thinks that that's a mutual understanding of what
16:20
Speaker 5: you're doing.
16:21
Speaker 4: Yeah, but you're going out on the pool, So.
16:23
Speaker 2: I've got to say something.
16:24
Speaker 3: That's what I mean, Like you've got to be like,
16:27
Speaker 3: you've ditched me like six times for a guy.
16:30
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's pissing me off. Yeah, I'd be.
16:32
Speaker 2: Like, can we have a girl's night?
16:35
Speaker 4: But girls night when you're single can sometimes mean that
16:37
Speaker 4: we're going out on the pool.
16:38
Speaker 3: No, but I was going to say a girl's night
16:40
Speaker 3: where we spend time together. We're not going to go flirting,
16:45
Speaker 3: we're not looking to pursue anyone. We're going to go
16:47
Speaker 3: home together and get a kebab on the way home.
16:52
Speaker 2: It's a grade.
16:53
Speaker 3: Yeah.
16:53
Speaker 5: I do think though, if that friend isn't like a
16:55
Speaker 5: repeat offender of doing that, having flexibility in that situation
16:59
Speaker 5: is really because that's literally how I met my partner,
17:03
Speaker 5: because we were going out for a girl's night and then.
17:05
Speaker 4: We're like, oh, we'll stop in at this gallo and.
17:08
Speaker 5: Then we were I don't know why I'm when we
17:10
Speaker 5: ever say that, but literally like we were having a
17:13
Speaker 5: girl's night and then I met my boyfriend there and
17:17
Speaker 5: it was like instant sparks and I was like and
17:21
Speaker 5: sal like didn't make me feel bad about wanting to
17:23
Speaker 5: stay because I was like, oh, we can go, and
17:25
Speaker 5: so I was like.
17:26
Speaker 4: We're not going, Yeah, be silly bugger.
17:28
Speaker 5: Yeah.
17:29
Speaker 4: I don't know why I'm so Australian in this episode.
17:31
Speaker 2: It's the hat.
17:32
Speaker 4: It's do you know what it is? I watched anyone
17:34
Speaker 4: but you last night. I'm the dad, Yeah, the stepdad.
17:39
Speaker 4: That's like really azzy, that's what it is yeah really.
17:42
Speaker 2: Oker, Yeah, I love it.
17:45
Speaker 5: But yeah, I think there's like a fine line with that.
17:48
Speaker 5: It's like supporting your friends when they want to get
17:50
Speaker 5: dick down and then also drawing the line when they're
17:55
Speaker 5: being a dick to you down.
17:57
Speaker 2: When you're getting dicked down by then, Yeah, but none
17:59
Speaker 2: of the fun.
18:01
Speaker 3: There was a longer one that was sent in that
18:04
Speaker 3: I thought was good, and I think a lot of
18:07
Speaker 3: chicks will be able to relate to. And it's don't
18:10
Speaker 3: undervalue having a small group of friends. When I was younger,
18:14
Speaker 3: I would sometimes feel insecure about not having a huge
18:16
Speaker 3: group of friends. But I have come to realize that
18:19
Speaker 3: quality over quantity is far more important when it comes
18:22
Speaker 3: to friendships one percent. Like, if you do have a
18:27
Speaker 3: huge group of friends and they're all genuine, great, amazing friendships,
18:31
Speaker 3: that's incredible.
18:32
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with that.
18:34
Speaker 3: But also if you have two besties and it's just
18:37
Speaker 3: the three of you against the world, that's also beautiful.
18:40
Speaker 5: Those are also sometimes the funnest friendships you can ever have.
18:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I feel like you can just maintain a
18:48
Speaker 3: really genuine connection when it is those quality friendships, because
18:52
Speaker 3: it's really hard to juggle lot friendship groups are like
18:57
Speaker 3: top tier.
18:58
Speaker 5: There's something about like a little trio on a night out.
19:02
Speaker 5: Look look at every good pop culture reference, Charlie's Angels,
19:05
Speaker 5: powerpuff Girls, Charmed, Totally Spies, just saying maybe.
19:10
Speaker 2: We've got to cut the fat.
19:11
Speaker 4: Sow a pair of three will hold auditions.
19:16
Speaker 5: No, I do also like I think it's being open,
19:20
Speaker 5: like to new friendships as well, like I've definitely been.
19:24
Speaker 5: I think I was definitely like no, no, no, like
19:27
Speaker 5: quality over quantity and could be really shut off to
19:30
Speaker 5: expanding friendships. But in my head for so long, especially
19:34
Speaker 5: when I was younger, because I didn't have a group
19:37
Speaker 5: of friends, I felt like there was something wrong with
19:40
Speaker 5: me because I didn't have a group of friends from.
19:41
Speaker 4: High school, I fucking hated high school. Yeah, high schools
19:44
Speaker 4: like painted out.
19:45
Speaker 5: Is this like totally amazing thing where you find your
19:48
Speaker 5: people and you get along with everyone.
19:50
Speaker 4: Absolutely not everyone I went to high school with. Yeah,
19:53
Speaker 4: that's not true.
19:54
Speaker 5: Some of you were really nice, but it was not
19:56
Speaker 5: like a pleasant experience. I did not feel like I
20:00
Speaker 5: belonged with people, and that made me feel like there
20:04
Speaker 5: was something wrong with me, which was not the case.
20:07
Speaker 5: And I then met my best friend Cassie, and it
20:11
Speaker 5: was like, I have one best.
20:13
Speaker 4: Friend from high school. I have one friend to show
20:15
Speaker 4: from high school.
20:16
Speaker 5: That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with me, but
20:19
Speaker 5: that the quality of that friendship is going to last
20:22
Speaker 5: me an absolute lifetime.
20:24
Speaker 3: You know, in comparison to a click Yeah, a bunch
20:28
Speaker 3: of like fair weather friends, Yeah, actually have a genuine
20:31
Speaker 3: connection with.
20:32
Speaker 5: So like, if you feel like you are lacking because
20:36
Speaker 5: you don't have this big, giant friendship group, which you
20:39
Speaker 5: know you can really often see all over Facebook. A
20:41
Speaker 5: lot of the time, those friendships aren't fostered, and they
20:47
Speaker 5: can be quite surface.
20:48
Speaker 4: Level, like those like big group parties. That's when people
20:52
Speaker 4: see each other.
20:53
Speaker 3: They don't spend quality nights in together, you know, watching
20:57
Speaker 3: a movie or cooking dinner together and really talk talking about.
21:00
Speaker 4: You know, the highs and lows of high school football.
21:03
Speaker 5: But those quality friendships is when you really truly are
21:06
Speaker 5: able to see someone for their soul rather than like
21:09
Speaker 5: whether they're drinking fucking vodkirl tequila at the next party. Yeah,
21:14
Speaker 5: you know, do you know what I'm shame share, I'm
21:16
Speaker 5: shame next life Lesson. The song's from Emily See if
21:21
Speaker 5: the friendship survives the holiday. Yeah, not all friendships will
21:25
Speaker 5: make it.
21:27
Speaker 3: I feel like holidays and moving in together, both of
21:30
Speaker 3: those things can make or break a friendship, and they're
21:34
Speaker 3: not for the fainthearted.
21:35
Speaker 4: Where do you sit on moving in with a friend?
21:40
Speaker 2: I think it's one thousand percent contextual.
21:43
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's situational.
21:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like you need to know that you are compatible
21:48
Speaker 3: with this person in your lowest of lows and your
21:51
Speaker 3: highest of highs. Because just like going on a holiday
21:55
Speaker 3: with somebody, when you live together, you're going to see
21:57
Speaker 3: that range of emotions and you need to know if
22:02
Speaker 3: you may be good friends, you may have heaps in common,
22:04
Speaker 3: have a lovely time together, but that doesn't.
22:06
Speaker 2: Mean that you're compatible housemates.
22:08
Speaker 3: Like if you're a clean freak and the other person
22:11
Speaker 3: is a little bit more lax, them not doing their
22:14
Speaker 3: dishes every single day is something that could break your friendship.
22:19
Speaker 5: You also need to learn how to have conflict within
22:22
Speaker 5: your friendships. Yeah, you need to learn how to navigate
22:26
Speaker 5: when someone has upset the other one or maybe you've
22:28
Speaker 5: both annoyed each other, and learn how to one talk
22:32
Speaker 5: to each other about it and to move on, like
22:35
Speaker 5: actually let it go. It's like I've lived with best
22:37
Speaker 5: friends and we buttered heads about things, very stupid things,
22:40
Speaker 5: most of the time alcohol was involved, and the next
22:43
Speaker 5: day it was like fuck, I'm sorry, Yeah, I'm sorry,
22:46
Speaker 5: or in the moment being like yeah, I get to you,
22:48
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, and like not withholding that sorry, like it's
22:51
Speaker 5: the holy grail.
22:52
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's a skill knowing how to confront that
22:55
Speaker 3: and have that honest conversation and admit when you're wrong, because.
22:58
Speaker 4: If you don't confronted it, it's going to boil.
23:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, it would only it only gets worse and worse.
23:03
Speaker 3: But I agree, Like, I've moved in with one of
23:05
Speaker 3: my best friends when I was in my early twenties,
23:07
Speaker 3: and I had the best experience. It was so much
23:11
Speaker 3: fun and it was such an amazing chapter in our
23:14
Speaker 3: friendship and I'm so glad I did it because so
23:16
Speaker 3: many people, not about her specifically, but we're just like,
23:20
Speaker 3: I don't know, people always say don't move in with
23:23
Speaker 3: a friend, and I'm really glad I didn't listen to
23:25
Speaker 3: that advice and was just like, well, we've been friends
23:28
Speaker 3: for fifteen plus years at this point, I know her
23:32
Speaker 3: pretty well. We have really open communication. I think we'll
23:35
Speaker 3: be okay because.
23:36
Speaker 4: It was so much fun one thousand percent. So it
23:39
Speaker 4: depends so asterixk okay.
23:44
Speaker 5: So we go into advice with the chicks.
23:55
Speaker 4: I need some advice.
23:56
Speaker 5: In short, my question is how do I pull away
23:59
Speaker 5: or pull back from best friend of ten years. I
24:01
Speaker 5: don't think I want to cut her off, but I
24:03
Speaker 5: need some space.
24:04
Speaker 4: At the very least.
24:06
Speaker 5: My best friend and I have been friends for ten
24:08
Speaker 5: years and best friends for the last five to seven years.
24:11
Speaker 5: We do most things together now and even have a
24:14
Speaker 5: weekly standing hangout night.
24:16
Speaker 4: Her idea.
24:17
Speaker 5: We've always bonded over certain shared family traumas, and she
24:20
Speaker 5: was there for me when my ex stumped me years ago,
24:23
Speaker 5: despite the fact I hadn't been a very consistent friend
24:25
Speaker 5: to her throughout my relationship with him. In the last
24:28
Speaker 5: few years, I've become quite a fitness girly, and now
24:31
Speaker 5: I compete embraces and the like. We used to have
24:34
Speaker 5: almost the exact same hobbies and similar style, reading TV shows,
24:38
Speaker 5: weekend wines, etc. I've found my hobbies and social outings
24:42
Speaker 5: have changed. I don't have as much time for books
24:45
Speaker 5: and TV. I attend run clubs and train heavily, and
24:48
Speaker 5: I don't drink my style has done a one eighty,
24:50
Speaker 5: and I find we don't connect on these levels as
24:53
Speaker 5: much anymore.
24:55
Speaker 4: Our shared family.
24:56
Speaker 5: Trauma changed a little when my mum got very sick
24:58
Speaker 5: a few years ago. My friend almost never addresses it
25:01
Speaker 5: or asks how Mum is or I am, but continues
25:05
Speaker 5: to vent about situations in her household that I feel
25:08
Speaker 5: a rather insensitive given my situation financially and emotionally. I
25:13
Speaker 5: stopped reaching out to her to talk about Mum because
25:15
Speaker 5: she honestly sounds like she doesn't care much and then
25:18
Speaker 5: changes the subject when I've finished talking. We've recently went
25:22
Speaker 5: away together for a week on a road trip, and
25:24
Speaker 5: certain things she did scream to me a level of
25:26
Speaker 5: privilege and unawareness that made my blood boil. She wouldn't
25:29
Speaker 5: let me drive the whole week because apparently my driving
25:32
Speaker 5: would make her feel sick, and complained often about trivial things.
25:35
Speaker 5: It felt as though she would give me the silent
25:37
Speaker 5: treatment or be irritated if I asked to do longer
25:40
Speaker 5: walks or small hikes no more than two to three kilometers,
25:43
Speaker 5: which she didn't feel fit enough for, and got irritated
25:46
Speaker 5: when I suggested I do them alone and meet her somewhere.
25:49
Speaker 5: The trip was initially my plan, an idea to do
25:52
Speaker 5: solo to get photography content for my business. She invited
25:55
Speaker 5: herself and I didn't have the heart to tell her no.
25:58
Speaker 5: I checked with her before she went if she would
26:00
Speaker 5: have an issue with me doing hikes, et cetera solo,
26:02
Speaker 5: and she said no.
26:03
Speaker 3: She often blocked photos and got irritated if I asked
26:06
Speaker 3: her to move after a few minutes so I could
26:08
Speaker 3: get a shot, and at the end of the trip
26:10
Speaker 3: criticized me for not trusting her throughout it.
26:13
Speaker 4: I'm at a loss. I felt like pulling back.
26:16
Speaker 3: Since before the trip, but I'm not sure how I
26:18
Speaker 3: need space from her.
26:19
Speaker 4: Please help?
26:21
Speaker 2: Where do we start?
26:25
Speaker 4: Oh, there's so much, there's so much to pay.
26:28
Speaker 5: I think this is really a typical case of like
26:32
Speaker 5: outgrowing a certain lifestyle within a friendship. Like maybe I
26:37
Speaker 5: haven't outgrown her completely, but you've definitely outgrown the friendship
26:42
Speaker 5: you used to have. Like that's not the same, and
26:45
Speaker 5: sometimes some friends can't come to terms with that. She
26:51
Speaker 5: does sound like she might be like digging your heels
26:55
Speaker 5: in a bit. Yeah, like she really wants her old
26:59
Speaker 5: friend back, but that's not you anymore, and that's okay.
27:02
Speaker 3: You don't have to be you anymore. Like you're happy
27:05
Speaker 3: with the changes that you've made in your life. You've
27:07
Speaker 3: evolved exactly, you've evolved, and it sounds like she is
27:12
Speaker 3: still who she is, which she's also allowed to be that.
27:15
Speaker 4: Yeah, but the friendship needs to evolve.
27:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, because what I was going to say at the
27:20
Speaker 3: beginning is a lot of the things that have changed.
27:24
Speaker 2: So for example, like her.
27:26
Speaker 3: Hobbies or her style or the things that you know
27:29
Speaker 3: she likes to do with her spare time have changed.
27:32
Speaker 3: But they're all like pretty surface level things that I
27:35
Speaker 3: feel like, even if you're in.
27:36
Speaker 2: A run club and I'm not, we can still be friends. Yeah,
27:39
Speaker 2: and that's fine.
27:40
Speaker 3: But I think your friend is struggling with that change
27:46
Speaker 3: because if they're giving you the silent treatment and getting
27:49
Speaker 3: snippy with you and getting annoyed that you wanted to
27:51
Speaker 3: go on a hike and they didn't like, That's where
27:53
Speaker 3: I'm like, Okay, well, it actually isn't fine because it's
27:56
Speaker 3: coming in between your friendship. I think that you definitely
28:01
Speaker 3: need same space. I would suggest saying to your friend
28:05
Speaker 3: that you're really busy with work and pulling back on
28:08
Speaker 3: those weekly catch ups and maybe make.
28:10
Speaker 2: Them fortnightly or monthly.
28:12
Speaker 3: Yeah, and not putting an end to them completely because
28:15
Speaker 3: I think that you're both getting on each other's nerves.
28:18
Speaker 5: Yeah, it sounds and you know what, she is probably
28:21
Speaker 5: annoyed about things, being like all she wanted to do
28:24
Speaker 5: was go on hikes and blah blah blah, which isn't
28:25
Speaker 5: the case, like when you're irritated with a friend, like
28:29
Speaker 5: sometimes all you can focus on is the little things
28:32
Speaker 5: that irritate you and then it just bubbles and boils. Yeah,
28:36
Speaker 5: but yeah, I would maybe say, like, you've really got
28:39
Speaker 5: to focus on your business for the next three weeks,
28:41
Speaker 5: do you mind if we put a pause or our
28:45
Speaker 5: don't say do you mind, actually say, I'll need to
28:48
Speaker 5: put a pause on our weekly nights, but I'll check
28:51
Speaker 5: in with you when I've got some more free time.
28:56
Speaker 5: So it's setting a boundary. Like, what you're going to
28:58
Speaker 5: be doing is you're going to be setting a boundary.
29:00
Speaker 5: And I know that that can be really scary and
29:02
Speaker 5: it can be really difficult to do, but for the
29:05
Speaker 5: sake of your friendship, this is something that you need
29:07
Speaker 5: to do. And people will show their colors when you
29:12
Speaker 5: set a boundary. If someone can't respect a boundary that
29:15
Speaker 5: you're setting that kind of has everything you need to know.
29:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I do think that you do need to
29:22
Speaker 3: have some space between you two because it seems like
29:24
Speaker 3: it's quite heated right now. Because my other part two
29:28
Speaker 3: of the advice would be to talk to them about
29:30
Speaker 3: it and say, when we went on our trip the
29:33
Speaker 3: other week, you seemed like you were annoyed with me,
29:36
Speaker 3: and you know, there were moments where I felt like
29:39
Speaker 3: you were giving me the cold shoulder, Like can we
29:42
Speaker 3: talk about it? It is just something that we can
29:44
Speaker 3: work through, because if it's a friendship that you do
29:47
Speaker 3: want to continue, it could be worth having that conversation,
29:51
Speaker 3: especially if you do have space and.
29:53
Speaker 2: The issues are still coming up.
29:55
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I feel about the family stuff, I think
29:58
Speaker 5: she just needs it needs.
29:59
Speaker 3: To be m Yeah, but even with the family stuff,
30:03
Speaker 3: like you can potentially bring that up. And so I
30:06
Speaker 3: feel like I've been trying to share with you what
30:09
Speaker 3: I'm going through and it seems like you're not as
30:12
Speaker 3: invested in that or you're not giving me the space.
30:15
Speaker 2: To talk about it.
30:17
Speaker 3: But I really would love to speak to you about
30:19
Speaker 3: it because I need somebody to vent to and give
30:22
Speaker 3: that space because yeah, I'm not sure if they're just
30:25
Speaker 3: like feeling awkward about it or if they're genuinely being selfish.
30:29
Speaker 4: Yeah, take some time for yourself.
30:32
Speaker 5: Yeah, and just yeah, feel like works really busy for
30:35
Speaker 5: the next three weeks. I'm going to need to put
30:36
Speaker 5: a pause in our weekly night and I'll check back
30:39
Speaker 5: in when things ease up a little bit and then
30:41
Speaker 5: just have a breather, because a weekly check in when
30:45
Speaker 5: you're not vibing.
30:46
Speaker 4: It, it's just lots to me.
30:49
Speaker 5: It's a lot, it's to me, But it sounds like
30:52
Speaker 5: you've made an amazing evolution, like in your life and
30:56
Speaker 5: joining a rugging club.
30:57
Speaker 2: And pursuing your passions.
30:59
Speaker 5: Yeah, like we said before, you know, developing new friendships
31:03
Speaker 5: does not take away from your existing ones. So maybe
31:06
Speaker 5: look at fostering some other friendships too that you feel
31:11
Speaker 5: tick the boxes that aren't being ticked.
31:13
Speaker 4: Right now, and then maybe they will alleviate.
31:15
Speaker 5: Some of the frustrations you're feeling within this friendship.
31:19
Speaker 4: But hopefully that helps viber girl girrel bybe the girl.
31:25
Speaker 4: And that's you know, a rap. Sorry we couldn't share
31:28
Speaker 4: all of them. There was actually so.
31:30
Speaker 2: Many, so many, Thank you, so much for sending them
31:32
Speaker 2: all in.
31:32
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's best. Maybe we'll share a couple on our
31:34
Speaker 4: story that we didn't read out.
31:35
Speaker 3: But.
31:37
Speaker 4: Please pretty please support the chicks.
31:41
Speaker 5: And if you guys could, sorry, I'm losing it, Okay,
31:46
Speaker 5: let's come back.
31:49
Speaker 4: Well that is a rap for this episode.
31:53
Speaker 5: And like we said at the start, we are so
31:56
Speaker 5: so so excited for you chicks to get your hands
31:59
Speaker 5: on finding your people. And I did want to read
32:02
Speaker 5: one final life lesson to end on, which was sent
32:06
Speaker 5: in by Sarah and she said her biggest life lesson
32:12
Speaker 5: of friendship is eventually your people will come beautiful and
32:17
Speaker 5: we couldn't agree more so. Yeah, if you do want
32:19
Speaker 5: to get your hands in our book, we would absolutely
32:21
Speaker 5: absolutely love it and it's available in show notes, blue.
32:25
Speaker 2: Yep, physical e reader audiobook. We've got it.
32:29
Speaker 5: All and thank you for letting us plug the shit
32:31
Speaker 5: out of it because we're so proud of it and
32:33
Speaker 5: it's probably getting annoying, but I'm like, now.
32:37
Speaker 3: You only release your first book one yeh, thanks for
32:39
Speaker 3: letting us milk.
32:40
Speaker 2: We're just milking the moment exactly. Love you chicks so much.
32:44
Speaker 4: I'm losing my voice. That's not good.
32:47
Speaker 2: That's not good.
32:48
Speaker 4: This is not good at all, all right, Well, love
32:50
Speaker 4: you chicks.
32:50
Speaker 5: Thank you to MK Made for making this episode of
32:53
Speaker 5: Two Broad Chicks happen, and thank you to you cheeks
32:55
Speaker 5: for having us in your ear holes.
32:56
Speaker 4: We absolutely love to be here.
32:58
Speaker 2: We love it.
33:00
Speaker 4: Protects side bestie
33:14
Speaker 1: M