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Whose Game Are You Playing · Girl in the Game

• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Are you building a career, growing a business, or searching for your next bid opportunity?
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Then this podcast is for you.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the Girl in the Game herself, your host, Gail Dickey.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Hey everyone, I'm Gail Dickey and welcome back to Girl in the Game.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: I've decided before I bring in my first guest, and trust me, they're going to blow your mind.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_01: I have two more additions and one final question and one more piece of knowledge that I just couldn't ignore.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: Both are really so important to the game.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_01: So here's a very important question.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want you to answer it too quickly.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_01: The question is: whose game are you playing?
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: Not what business are you in, not what job do you have, not what are you trying to accomplish, whose game are you actually playing?
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's something I've learned a lot over years of business and TV entertainment and games entertainment specifically, and working with people who've achieved extraordinary things.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: You can be very good at a game you never really choose to play.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can spend years climbing a ladder, building a business, impressing people, collecting accomplishments, and doing everything you're supposed to do.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then one day you look around and wonder why you're not as happy or fulfilled as you thought you'd be.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with ambition.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: Believe me, I'm ambitious.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: I like winning, I like building things, I like making something happen that other people don't necessarily see.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: But I've come to understand that there's a very important difference between being successful and being successful at something that actually matters to you.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what we're talking about today.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: The first game you're taught to play.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Think about when you first started your career.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody probably told you what success was supposed to look like.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Get the right education, find a good company, work hard, get promoted, make more money, get the title, become somebody important.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And there's nothing necessarily wrong with that.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_01: But here's the question no one seems to ask: Important to whom?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: Successful according to whose definition.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: You see, most of us begin our careers playing a game designed by somebody else, our parents, our teachers, our bosses, our industries.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes those people have wonderful intentions, but they don't necessarily know what we're capable of.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: And they certainly don't know everything we might become.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: When I started in TV, I entered an industry with very established ideas about who belonged in certain positions, particularly women.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: There were expectations about the jobs you could have, the authority you could exercise, and how far you could go.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I could have accepted those expectations.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: I could have spent my career trying to fit neatly into opportunities somebody else was willing to give me.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: But I was much more interested in what I could actually accomplish.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: And that distinction matters because when you allow other people to define the limits of your ambition, you end up spending your entire career asking permission to become who you already have the potential to be.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_01: The scoreboard isn't the whole story.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Here's another thing: every industry has a scoreboard.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: In corporate America, it might be your title, your salary, or the size of your department.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: In entertainment, it's your credits, ratings, your socials, distribution, and revenue.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: In technology, it's funding, valuation, users, and growth.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And in business, it's your customers, profits, and market share.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Those things matter.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not going to pretend they don't.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_01: You need to understand how success is measured in your industry, but you also need to understand something else.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_01: A scoreboard can tell you whether you're winning.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: It can't tell you whether the prize is worth winning.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Let me give you an example.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: So suppose you're offered a position and it's got a bigger title and more money and more responsibility.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody congratulates you, but the new position takes you away from the work you love.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: It puts you under somebody's whose judgment maybe you don't respect.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it leaves you with almost no time for the people or the projects that matter to you.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Is that success?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: For some people, absolutely.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: For somebody else, it might be a very expensive mistake.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: The point isn't that one choice is right and the other is wrong.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: The point is that you have to know what you're trading because every opportunity comes with a cost.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes the most important part of an opportunity isn't what you're going to gain, it's what you're going to have to give up.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: The danger is becoming very good at the wrong thing.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Now, there's where this gets interesting.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: The better you become at something, the harder it can be to question whether you still want to do it.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Think about that.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: People begin depending on you, they recognize you for a skill, they call you for the same kinds of opportunities.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Do you develop a reputation?
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that reputation becomes valuable, but it can also be a trap because people eventually stop asking what else you might be capable of.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: They just keep asking you to do what you've already proven you can do.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not careful, you start believing that your past accomplishments define your future possibilities.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: They don't.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: I spent years in television syndication and distribution, and I understood that business.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: I knew the stations, the advertisers, the programming, the economics, and the relationships.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I was good at it.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: But my career didn't stop there.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: I became interested in other ways content and technology and audiences and businesses come together.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: That took me into different industries and very different conversations.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And some of those transitions meant I wasn't always the most experienced person in the room anymore.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: But that's okay.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to spend the rest of your life proving something you've already proven.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the more interesting question is, what haven't I tried yet?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: Don't confuse approval with progress.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you another unwritten rule.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of people will encourage you to succeed as long as your success fits comfortably with their expectations.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: They like you in a certain role, they understand you in that role.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_01: They know what to expect from you.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: And when you start moving outside that definition, they become uncomfortable.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: Not necessarily because you're making a mistake.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it's simply because you're changing the relationship.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've always been the person who helps everybody else build their business.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And now you want to build your own.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've always been the dependable employee or even consultant, and now you're negotiating for ownership.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've always been the person behind the scenes, and now you want to be the person leading the conversation.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Those changes can surprise people.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And you may not get the encouragement you expect.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: That's when you have to be very clear about something.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: Approval is not the same thing as progress.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, listen to people whose judgment you respect.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: You should always be willing to learn.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: But don't confuse somebody else's comfort with your best interests.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: And don't automatically assume that disagreement means you're wrong.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes it simply means you're making a choice they wouldn't make.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: What does winning mean to you?
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: So let me give you something practical.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I have like three questions that should help.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: First, if nobody knew your title, your salary, or your accomplishments, would you still be proud of what you're building?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: And second, are the opportunities you're pursuing moving you toward the life you want or simply toward the next thing you're expecting to accomplish?
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then third, what would you pursue if you weren't so concerned about how other people might judge that decision?
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I'm not suggesting you quit your job tomorrow or sell your business or walk away from any of your responsibilities.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: That's not strategy, that's just reacting.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: And this show is about learning how to think strategically.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: But I do think it's more important to examine the assumptions behind your decisions because sometimes we're so busy trying to win that we forget to ask whether we're playing for something we actually want.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: You can change the definition of success.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: Here's something I find especially interesting at this stage, even in my career.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still very excited about business.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still interested in new ideas and new technology and new partnerships and the possibility of creating something extraordinary.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I also care enormously about helping other people recognize what they're capable of.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a big reason why I started Girl in the Game.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: I've had opportunities to work with powerful executives, entrepreneurs, creators, and people whose decisions influence entire industries.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I've learned that some of the most valuable lessons in a career are rarely taught openly.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: They're learned through experience, through mistakes, through conversations, through recognizing what really matters.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to make those lessons available to people who might never otherwise have access to them.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't believe wisdom should be reserved for people who already have a seat at the table.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't believe there's an age at which you're supposed to stop learning, growing, or becoming something new.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you're 22 or 42, 72, you still have choices to make.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: And your priorities may change.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_01: Your definition of success may change.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not a failure.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: That's part of understanding yourself, the real game.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: So here's what I want you to take away from today's conversation.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: Learn the rules of the game you're in.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Understand how the money works, how decisions are made, who has influence, what creates value, and become very good at what you do.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: But don't surrender the right to decide what all that effort is for.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you spend your entire career chasing somebody else's definition of success, you may eventually get everything you were told to want and discover that it isn't what you wanted at all.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's a difficult lesson.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I'd rather you learn it before you spend 20 years finding out.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: So this week, ask yourself, whose game am I playing?
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And if the answer isn't entirely yours, ask what you might want to change.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: Not necessarily today, not necessarily all at once, but deliberately.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because the most important thing isn't just knowing how to play, it's knowing what you're playing for.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Gail Diggy.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: This is Girl in the Game.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: And remember, when you see the game differently, you play the game differently.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_01: See you next time.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: So that's it for today's episode of Girl in the Game.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Head on over to Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and subscribe to the show.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: One lucky listener every single week that posts a review on Apple Podcasts or iTunes will be entered in the grand prize drawing to win a chance for a private VIP day with Gail Dicky herself.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_00: Be sure to head on over to girlinthame.com to pick up a free copy of Gail's gift.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Submit your question for Ask Gail.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Then join us on the next episode.