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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just - Lowering the Antenna: The Path to Humility and Contentment · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  Yesterday we were told, and here that one of the greatest
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  displays of humility or major challenges of arrogance is how
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  you handle insults, how you handle comments and things told
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  to you. So I was just telling David
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  before that evaded that over the course of the last about 24
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  hours since we learned this idea, I had three instances at
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  least where people said things not her fault, not meant to be
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  her fault at all, but things that if you don't, you're not
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  wary, you're not careful, you can react as if it's a big deal.
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  I'll give you an example. And I can't give it exactly for
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  Gray. And that is someone's referred
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  to this shoe and certain organization that once in a
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  while gets to use the shoe, all right, And they ask us to use it
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  and reuse it, and they're connected.
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  So they get to use it. And some referred to the shoe to
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  my wife's as that organization. Sure, OK, as if like it's their
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  it's like almost like the organization's auditorium, so to
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  speak, whatever. And not even knowing in my life
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  is like the wife of the person who's involved in the show.
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  She's talking about the organization.
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  So where they doing their thing in that organization?
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  Sure. And then they say even more.
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  They said it's so. And so is the rabbi of that show
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  now? I mean, so we talked to my wife.
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  No clue, literally no clue. So I'm thinking to myself, every
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  time they have an event here, I clean up every time they have
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  events here, I'm the one to make sure that I deal with the
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  neighbors, right? And you don't even get the, the,
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  the call to gratification or at least the, the basic things.
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  What am I think of? I am I the am I cleaning the
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  floors? So then it's, you know, at
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  first, if you're at all Oregon or even, you know, looking for
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  attention, then that's a very natural reaction.
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  It's like Lou and I follow used to joke about the honeymooners
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  or the guy, the guy's a bus driver.
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  I'm sure you've heard about this thing.
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  You know this one, the guy's a bus driver and his friends that
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  come in to visit him and tell him, what do you do?
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  We run a bus, he runs the bus company.
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  So that day he makes she tells the friends to come.
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  He makes sure the boss not in the office and he sits in the
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  office as if he runs the bus company.
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  Really just a bus driver, right? That's what that feeling feels
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  like in the reverse. Follow me.
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  So that was one example, one of those, another example is even
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  something someone made a comment this morning.
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  I can't even give the exact example, but it's a completely
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  innocent comment. But again, a misunderstood or if
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  you're at all arrogant or if you allow yourself to get insulted.
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  Often these things happen all the time.
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  Now, what's the idea? The idea is that there are
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  people who have antennas raised very, very high and their
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  antennas, excuse me, their antennas are picking up on any
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  comment coming their way and they translate into a knock, a
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  knock, a knock, and they drive themselves crazy.
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  And then there are people like what he's telling you right here
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  with his humility. And he's David said the most
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  extreme example of someone bringing breaking a 456, someone
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  breaking a lamp on top of his head.
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  The rabbi and the rabbi telling the woman, why do you do it?
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  Because it's like my my husband told me.
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  I was told me, right. Exactly.
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  It's on ballet you're doing your husband's willing.
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  She blessed with great children. That is the opposite of this
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  approach. And that is someone who's not
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  you know, you think he's a Sadiq.
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  He is a Sadiq. But if you break it down and
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  you're real, it's no big deal. Truth of the matter is he's
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  looking at the situation and saying they did not mean to say
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  an insult and they were not targeting me.
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  And if you apply this concept takes a lot of work, but if you
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  apply this concept well enough, you will realize a very large
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  percentage of the time things that are seemed to be insulting
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  and hurtful are really nothing more than them just doing their
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  thing. Whether like we said, they're
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  insecure, they're they have low self esteem.
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  So just in comments or they don't know about it, they don't
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  know what they're saying. So very often that is the case.
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  And if you have a high antenna antenna and you're picking every
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  line up, you're going to get crazy.
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  If you are real with yourself and you're saying to yourself, I
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  don't want my blood to boil, I'd be a lot happier if I was less
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  insulted. If you really wish, if you wish
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  to be content and be happy and not angry, you will.
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  If I told you listen, if I gave you $100 every time someone says
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  a nasty line and you have to find for me the way to see this,
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  the positive light or see the innocent light, I can guarantee
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  you, I can guarantee you majority of the times you can
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  translate that insult into an odd insult.
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  For every single insult you get $100, not $1,000,000 a $100.
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  If you are able to translate into a positive or innocent
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  translation, you would be able to become a wealthy man by the
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  way and you also be fine figuring it out.
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  Agree or disagree, I think this is 100% true, 100% true.
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  You can translate everything that comes your way.
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  Comments by the wife, comments by the mother, Uma, all the
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  classic ones, comments by their friends, comments by the
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  children, comments by the siblings and giving people too
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  much bright. I disagree.
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  I think it's I'll tell you these examples.
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  It's hard, so it's hard, but it could.
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  Be listen, when when you just destroyed that story you didn't
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  set, you described you, the person in charge of this shoe,
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  but that you know, you're the rabbi of this shoe.
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  You you'd be, why'd you say the person involved in the show?
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  Like you're like the person didn't even know that.
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  You were involved in it, man, in.
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  Charge of every show thinks they're better than the next
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  person. It's just the way it.
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  Is I understand that's how he acts so far so innocent as you,
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  but this I'm not saying innocent.
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  The source of comments, the source of insults is all from a
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  broken people, which means insecure challenge Hazit.
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  They feel very guilty about their own life, so they try to
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  take you down all those translations that diminishes
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  they're doing and a lot, a lot of times they don't know better
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  then it was the saying. Someone told me a comment this
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  morning he had no idea was insinuating 0 idea.
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  I can't even go further because it'll be it's on tape.
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  But it was 0 idea and he was insinuating something which if
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  I, if I even know again was insecure.
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  Which pink card the room boy, I hope I'm not.
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  I would I, I, if I, if I analyze you know the words themselves.
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  You take it the wrong way, you get crazy.
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  You know this is how the world works.
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  So a person has to be able to lower the antenna a lot for your
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  own sake, your own happiness. Literally you become wealthier.
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  I, I gave the example of $100 and shoot the matter.
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  It's $1,000,000. Every time you let an insult
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  insult go, you are becoming literally a millionaire.
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  It's the greatest we said yesterday.
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  Now let's see another example. LLL LL person should be as
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  humble as a little. You know the example, right?
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  Someone came to and someone came to and they knocked on the door.
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  Say I have a question. Where is Halil?
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  Is it? It's me.
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  OK, I have a question. What's your question?
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  The degree around the place of the world?
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  What's your question? Why do let's say?
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  That. Is certain people around OK?
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  That's the question for the rabbi who just came out of the
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  the Beth Amir hats. Whatever was wearing a robe
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  right before Shabbat isn't a boring question.
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  And it gives the answer because it leaves.
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  OK, how's back and how's the door is LL here?
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  It's him speaking. I have a question.
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  Why do Africans have flat feet? Why their feet?
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  Because you have to walk on sand.
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  That's the question for the Rabba.
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  Go on comes back. Another question.
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  Why does so and so have wide eyes?
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  Because and then the midwives did a bad job whatever because
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  they have to deal with sand going into the eyes and one by
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  one of you just answers the question and add everything the
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  guy that the person says so sort of comment like I lost whatever
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  it was. The hell is where you meet?
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  He says. I had a bet that I can make you
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  angry and you cost me 400 zoos. So first from.
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  That with somebody that if he can make him nervous, he's going
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  to get him mad. He's about you going to do.
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  But I love you now. Yeah, I know.
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  Sure. You can handle that.
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  What's the point? The boys and they all displayed
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  such unbelievable humility. Able to handle all these darts
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  thrown his way. Imagine you go over to the rabbi
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  of the world and you're telling you, asking him silly comments
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  and you're driving him crazy. And now once as he lash out, now
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  once does he say, what are you doing?
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  Come back Saturday night. Nothing.
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  He just takes it in stride and gives the person the answer.
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  You could save me to you could save me to this.
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  You could save me to that. Nothing doing.
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  There's women and then right And then they all says, the man says
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  you cost me 400 zoos. You know, you made me lose my
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  bet. Halo says it's worth it.
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  It's worth it for this lesson. And that's the final point of
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  the story of Halo and that is it's worth it for this lesson.
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  There is 0 price you can pay. There is no price you can place
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  on this quality. It's the greatest quality for
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  the function of our lives as the ability to lower our antenna.
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  There's really no price you can pay to become a person who can
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  be part of a friendship and not get crazy.
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  Part of the marriage and not be constantly burning mad and
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  insulted. Part of a relationship with
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  siblings. And I always translate
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  everything as reflecting that they're bad.
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  Part of it being a child to their parents and not taking the
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  pair everything the parent says or in law says as a as a dig at
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  them. And even if Amo is digging at
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  them, it's possible because Amo wants him around more or it was
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  very protective of the daughter. Whatever it may be.
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  There were always ways you can translate back onto the clear
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  lane and there are very natural ignorant ways or maybe unworked
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  on ways where a person could be constantly insulted.
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  Everything flying in the air, you can translate and something
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  come out coming out of you and everything come out coming out
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  you. You can translate as just water
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  out down your back and you're moving on and it changes your
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  life. Literally.
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  Life for many people is an up and down day.
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  Burning mad, I got over, upset I got over.
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  That bothers me. I got over and their life is not
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  content and not happy. And there are other people that
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  they remain steady. The greatest thing to be is
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  steady, balance, calm. You can never rattle them
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  because you don't mean anything against them and that makes them
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  the most beautiful people for themselves, for their family as
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  a source of strength. And by the way, they just search
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  in calming existence to be around because you have a
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  nervous what you're going to say.
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  You ever afraid of them? You never apologizing a million
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  times, right? There are some people you have
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  to apologize as words come out of your mouth and you Hajj, you
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  can't breathe around them. Why can't you breathe?
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  Because everything is meant to hurt them in their mind and the
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  other people, you'll never need to apologize.
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  You insult them, sure. I, I think I work on this all
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  the time. I think the more a person
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  becomes that, the more they ooze a sense of calm, confidence,
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  hand structure, balance, all the steady words that a Jew wants to
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  have, they have when they lower their antenna.
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  Some people it's very hard to do, but some people it comes
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  actually whatever we're holding at our job is cut the intended
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  down just a Ted and make yourself more heavier like you
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  know what you get by the way, the closing of the my favorite
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  point is this. We go like Beti Liu.
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  How like Beti Liu not like bitch am I?
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  Why is Allah like Beti Liu the. Reason that they're more on
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  Avene that they most. Because they're humble.
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  They don't. Because they're humble.
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  See the reason we go like them? Because they have humility, part
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  of the same camp as the leader, because we know students follow
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  the leader themselves. They have the idea of humility.
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  What is that humility? For example, whenever they
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  quoted him a Cloquet, they would mention the opposition first.
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  But Jamai says this and we say that, all right.
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  They wouldn't just go straight to their opinion.
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  They wouldn't say their opinion first.
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  They don't do that anymore. Well, mention that doesn't.
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  Mention opposition's opinion. Fair, fair, fair.
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  It's true. We are a little sensitive, we
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  are a little delicate. We're crystal.
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  We're very careful. We're very, you know, afraid of
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  rattling the feathers. We don't think people can handle
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  things. All that is correct, David, and
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  that is a weakness partially on our part today.
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  Sometimes you don't want to go down roads of people you don't
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  believe in, but in general, we don't go down the debating Rd.
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  enough on too much. Maybe Fairpoint, but the idea is
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  Halil Meriti, the Holocaust, like them Halil Meriti great
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  Baraka why humility is nice. Not getting insulted is great.
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  How does that make the law like you?
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  You know what ends up happening? I believe there's so important
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  when you're humble and you're able to have a lower antenna,
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  you have a steady force. When you have a steady force,
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  you can be more aware of the truth.
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  You can be more out there for the truth.
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  You're not trying to get your point across.
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  You're not trying to win. You're not trying to beat the
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  other guy, dude, just trying to get the and you know what ends
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  up happening? You actually strive for the
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  truth. When people are steady and
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  people are not so insecure and fighting and insulted and
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  fighting back. They keep their eye on the ball
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  and they able to get the truth. They able to get Shalom, they
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  able to get balance, they able to get better.
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  They able to get hand. They able to get steady
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  confidence. It's all one stream.
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  All we know that that works. All these me dots coming to each
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  other, humility plays into Shalom plays into balance plays
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  into hand plays into confidence plays into emirate.
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  They all connect. Now if a person in the modern
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  day, I think the greatest source of having that entire stream is
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  by being confident enough to not have your intended to high, to
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  get insulted all the time. If you're steady and confident
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  enough, you will get all these things that are beautiful in our
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  lives like Khalil. That's how far it goes.
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  Movies. And I'm not exaggerating at all
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  because I know both types. I know the type that is steady,
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  that hardly ever gets insulted, works on deflecting these
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  insults, and I know that he's in a very blessed place.
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  I know another type who shouldn't be very blessed, who
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  is very gifted and yet everything coming within 10 mile
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  radius is seen as a dart at him and his life.
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  He's like up and down and up and down and there's no reason for
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  it at all. Most blessed person I know one
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  of the most blessed people I know.
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  He doesn't know that because he's so insulted.
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  Chill out, get some confidence, realize the real realize what
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  you sing and lower your antenna and your life will be beautiful.
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  That's the idea right That be be a bow would say even after I was
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  enough I realized I'm not as enough as other rabbits.
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  So we see many examples of rabbits.
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  Read this last example and it's like, and first of all, before
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  we go forward, do we absorb this point?
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  Do you absorb the relevance of this point?
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  I'm pretty much guaranteeing you it's the strongest point when it
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  comes to coexisting with other people.
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  Is this lower your level of sensitivity from their comments?
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  You know what's funny is that I can see how people that the
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  sensitive ones that have their own head is raised high.
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  I can see how they might look at someone like we're describing
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  and think in their minds. So they're out of touch, they're
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  insensitive and they are not in touch with their feelings
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  because look, they're like, oh, you're all the all to them and
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  they're not and they're not in touch and, and and you know,
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  it's good. It's another.
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  Viewpoint you're right. Should men have been created?
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  Are they? Evil debating is great.
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  So there is a negative of people are you know you.
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  Can't. You're a negative of people.
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  I'm not giving you you're right or not.
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  You're right clear. I'm not trying to tell you every
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  person is great. Not the point.
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  You're right about that. I'm not trying to tell you go
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  into business with every person because they're all great, Sure.
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  Or let your child marry every person.
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  Trust me, I'm as wary as where he gets.
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  But in the basic conversation, in the basic things that we talk
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  about by a Shabbat table, a holiday table about to get
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  together and all these things, and there's going to be one
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  person by the said that who's going to come?
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  Most hopefully not, but a lot of times there is, you know, they
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  didn't let my child say my Shunna and he stood out and say
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  my Shunna and they jump to the next kid.
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  They always overshoot my kid. Maybe you're right.
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  Maybe they're insecure about the kid.
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  Maybe they kid they they don't have any money.
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  Maybe your kid is just gifted and they can't handle it.
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  Whatever it may be, play it out and you can get there in 2
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  minutes. Is it hurtful?
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  Sure. Was I not happy when my wife
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  called me up with that comment yesterday?
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  Alright, sure she said the most listen to this.
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  You can get a load of this. She said.
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  They call the shoe, and she's like, I shouldn't be calling you
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  with this because he's going to get you a man.
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  She'll say, but they call the shoe.
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  That organization's building. I said, wow, OK, I learned this.
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  I can't get a man. Right.
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  But the point is this is the nature of the business.
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  And so and so is the rabbi. I said, really?
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  So and so is the rabbi. Yeah, That's what all the girls
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  say. So wow, that's great.
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  But you know, so but you got to deal with it, but you got to get
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  past one. It's not the girls fault, right?
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  It's not the girls fault. It's not anything fine.
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  Does it make someone feel small? Does it make my wife, she's
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  working with these girls and she can at least have at least some
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  degree of the of the, you know, good feeling and she's married
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  to someone at least zero. So it makes her feel small.
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  Sure, they got to get past that. What you want them to look at
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  you and say, wait, what does that do for you?
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  On and on and on, telling you about this by the Shabbat meals,
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  by the holiday meals, by the family get togethers, by the
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  weddings. You go to a wedding, you see how
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  I brought somebody or you see someone say hello and they will
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  cry upon you. Have that happened to you?
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  It happens to me every time. All right, I I'll give you
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  another example. Not that I'm very insecure.
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  I was by wrist other day and someone comes over.
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  I thought last night, it's our memory.
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  Someone goes over to I'm staying next to my brother, one of my
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  brothers and not, you know, such a famous one.
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  And someone goes over and says, you know, with the whole thing,
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  right, Hi, Rabbi and him, right? Reach out to him and they go hi,
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  Rabbi, to me like, you know, to back.
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  And they went. So again, if you're sensitive,
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  you're insulted. They're like, you know, keep it
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  when if you're, you know, you develop a degree of strength,
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  you say, you know, it's great. What do I care?
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  What does it make a difference to me that that person needed a
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  loud high and this person gets a, a par of high doesn't matter,
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  doesn't mean anything. Does it make a difference?
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  And over time, you develop enough confidence to get
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  strength. People like to think those who
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  don't get insulted don't have emotions.
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  No, it's not something like that.
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  Naturally true, but there are others.
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  Who simply has the strength to see the truth and they get out
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  of the strength to see what's really going on.
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  I found out recently of a few people who carry themselves as
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  if they owned the world. And I found out some details in
• 20:22
  their lives. And they owe nothing to get the
• 20:25
  world. They owe nothing, Right?
• 20:27
  Yeah. They still kind of like to own
• 20:28
  the world. And.
• 20:30
  And part of me says I want to go over the gems, huh.
• 20:32
  Confidence. That's not confidence.
• 20:33
  That's allergies. That is just sketching and
• 20:38
  everyone's got their own story. Everyone's got their own
• 20:41
  package. We all do.
• 20:42
  So don't carry stuff like your own the world and don't get
• 20:45
  insulted of people carrying themselves that way because they
• 20:49
  just bloating. They're very clear and security
• 20:53
  and telling you instead of quietly, they're telling you
• 20:55
  loudly. I am really not so happy about
• 20:58
  myself. I'm not so secure my own skin.
• 21:00
  Hi, see me, say hello to me. That's the saying, if you have
• 21:04
  the strength to not be that way and therefore have the strength
• 21:08
  to not get insulted by everything that comes your way,
• 21:10
  your life is full of the raha of blessing of hand.
• 21:15
  And Hashem tells us when you don't react, you get the
• 21:19
  greatest gifts, children, wealth, everything you want
• 21:23
  comes from that place. That's what you're telling me.
• 21:26
  All right, stop with this.