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You Don't Have To Carry It All With Paula Faris · She Speaks Life - Christian Women, Strengthen Your Faith, Bible Study, Grow Spiritually In Christ

0:00
Hey there, welcome back to She Speaks Live.
0:02
I'm so excited you are here listening to this episode.
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I wanted to remind you that I started doing solo episodes that
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God has been putting on my heart to do for a while.
0:16
And I know if you're not doing something that the Lord has said
0:20
to do, it's, well, basically disobedience.
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So I'm so happy to let you know I've got one episode I aired on
0:30
Tuesday to kick it off, and I pray that these episodes will
0:34
strengthen your faith and increase trusting in Him as we
0:38
follow his plans and purposes for our lives.
0:41
And also to let you know, the Serenity Journal, Calm Your
0:45
Soul, Strengthen Your Spirit is 15% off plus free shipping using
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code VIP15 at checkout on my website jamieelizabeth.com.
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And the feedback of how much you guys are enjoying this journal
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is such a blessing to me. For those of you who are maybe
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wondering what is she even talking about, Serenity is a
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It makes such a great gift for the holidays coming up to.
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So take advantage of the sale and grab whatever amount you
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need, OK? Today I sit down with author and
1:49
journalist Paula Faris. Paula was a Co anchor of Good
1:53
Morning America and so much more.
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She is the founder of Carrie Media, which advocates working
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moms by championing and supporting them to ditch mom
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guilt and burnout to create positive change in their lives
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and the lives of other women. We are talking today about
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Paula's book called You Don't Have to Carry It All, Ditch the
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Mom guilt and Find a Better Way Forward.
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We cover everything from her personal story of being a mom in
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the workplace to what made her begin carry media and why it's
2:30
important for companies to support moms who work for them.
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No matter if you're a mom that is in the workplace or a mom at
2:39
home, you'll love this great conversation that one is not
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greater than the other. There's no competition for us
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moms and that really at the end of the day, we are called to
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motherhood no matter what it looks like.
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So let's dive into this conversation.
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It's so good. Here's my guest, Paula Faris.
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Hey Paula, welcome to She Speaks live.
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I am so glad you are here today. Thank you so much.
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It's my pleasure to be here. Thank you.
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Yes, I love this message that we are going to talk about.
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I was excited when it came across my way.
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You wrote a book called You Don't Have to Carry It All.
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Ditch the Mom guilt and find a better way forward.
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And we're going to talk about this common thing I think
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working moms do struggle with. And your message is about where,
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you know, working moms feel this conflict with working and
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mommying, and that they may feel overwhelmed or burned out or
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maybe even face in the workplace being treated as a risk rather
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than an asset because they're a mom.
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So I can't wait to dive in deeper into your message.
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But before we do, I'd love to start us off with our
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conversation with what is your favorite scripture verse?
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I think we can find out a lot about a person by just asking.
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What's your life verse? While growing up, I would have
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said rejoice and alert. Always again I say rejoice, but
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like I think the last. 30 years it's been Joshua 19 and it says,
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have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, don't
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be afraid and don't be discouraged.
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For the Lord, your gods, with you everywhere you go.
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I actually have that hanging in our foyer.
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I bought it from Hobby Lobby and it has spoken to me so much the
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last 30 years in the sense that God acknowledges our fear.
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He says you. Have I not commanded you to be
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strong and to be courageous? Don't be afraid.
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Don't be discouraged. For you know, and I will be with
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you everywhere you go. So what that tells me is he
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acknowledges we're going to feel fear.
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He commands us to press into it. You know, don't be afraid and
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don't be discouraged. And then he promises he's going
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to be there, no matter how scary it is and.
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He's going to be there for us no matter what.
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And for me, that's given me the permission to allow my peace and
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fear to coexist at the same time.
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Because so often I was like, oh, if I'm scared of it, then that's
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like God telling me I should do it.
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No, Like God says, fear is going to be there.
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But I've commanded you to be strong and to be courageous.
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Don't be afraid and don't be discouraged.
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So fear and peace. I can have a peace.
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I'm supposed to do something and that's looked like a lot of
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different things over my life, whether it was blowing up my
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life, you know, or like going for my dream, risking it all or
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just like or recently, you know, becoming a founder and kind of
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resetting our lives as a family. It's given me the permission to
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let to reconcile the peace and the fear at the same time
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knowing that I'm commanded to step into it and God's always
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going to be there. Yeah, I love that 'cause he
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always follows with the fear with who he is, right, his
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character and that promise. So he he gives us a a reminder
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to bolster up be living and courage, not fear.
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So I love how you champion working moms and helping and
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supporting them by ditching that mom guilt that they have and
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lead them and create a positive change in their own lives and
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even the lives of other moms. Because I think that's very
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important that we're building up other women where they are.
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If we're going through something and we've gone through it with
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the Lord, then we have a mission to help others, to show them
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this is how God got me through and this is what he showed me.
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So I know your message is about the working mom.
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So. So let's start with your story.
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Why do you feel that this is one of the most important messages?
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Like, why did you write this book?
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I want to hear your story. Yeah, I wrote.
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You don't have to carry it all. Ditch the mom guilt and find a
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better way forward. Because, you know, we talk about
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what we can do to support mothers and the work.
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Place. But I feel like we haven't
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really established why it's important.
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You know, you keep hearing well, mother should be home.
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Well, guess what? That's not the reality for the
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majority of American families. Most moms work because they have
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to. And the majority of moms at some
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point will be the primary breadwinner for their families.
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You know, when, you know, as a journalist spending 20 plus
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years in television, you know, we're supposed to suss out
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inequities. And one of the greatest
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inequities that I found was. Through my own experience of
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becoming a mother, you know, in the workplace, I have three
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kids. But seeing how I was treated
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once I became a mother, that all of a sudden I was a risk, I was
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a liability. And I realized this wasn't just
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a feeling. This is actually very pervasive
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in American culture. It's called the the motherhood
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penalty, where once you become a mom.
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You're less likely to get hired if you are hired.
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You're paid $0.70 on the dollar compared to fathers.
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You are passed over on promotions.
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You're deemed a risk and a liability.
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You're scrutinized for taking time away to be with your kids.
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Fathers enjoy something converse called the fatherhood bonus,
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that they're more likely to be hired because they're the
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provider, right? And so I just saw how mothers
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were being treated and that motherhood wasn't celebrated.
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It was scrutinized. And I'm like, OK, let's just
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think about this for a second. Mothers are marginalized and
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motherhood is penalized in this country.
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And if we don't have kids, we don't have a human race.
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If we don't have a human race, people, we don't have a labor
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force. We don't have a labor force.
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We can't grow this economy. Why are we Why are we
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scrutinizing and penalizing mothers?
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And so this book was just my way of addressing that marginalized
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group of mothers, but to give them hope, to give them a hug
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and a sword, to empower them to know there is a better way
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forward. But also to really fill in the
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blanks and provide some myth busting and context as to how we
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got to this point. You know, I look historically
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through American families. I talked to researchers,
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theologians, sociologists, moms from all walks all across the
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world to figure out, like, OK. You know what we can do to give
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working moms the support they need and also why it's
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important, why it's important. And one of those chapters was
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really the a lot of the tension I have felt growing up as a
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person of faith was, well, your place is in the home.
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But I'm and I've struggled wrestling with that tension and
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I know a lot of women who have grown up in certain traditions
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and faiths. Cultures, that their roles have
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been diminished either in society or home or work.
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I really tackle that too. So but it's a mainstream book
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and I want it to feel like a rallying cry and and it's very
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it's very helpful and hopeful. Yeah, I mean, look up Proverbs
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31 woman. I mean, she was.
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She was a domestic housewife, Jamie.
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OK? That's all she was.
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And she sold goods and she invested.
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And she she was a merchant like she we did things outside her
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home also. She.
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Well, yeah. She was the manager, a master
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negotiator. She bought a field with her
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earnings. The stability of her community
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rested on her because her husband, you know, husband's at
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war. And we often reduced.
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And there's nothing wrong with being a housewife if that's what
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you feel chosen to. But I think a lot of us in the
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face circles feel like that's the only choice we have, and
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that we're outside of God's will if we choose to do anything
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else. And and you look at the Bible
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and, and that's not the case at all.
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It's just been turned and weaponized against women often.
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And so I wanted to provide some freedom for that too.
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But yeah, she was, she was a baddie.
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I mean, she was the Proverbs 31 woman.
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And let's not diminish, stay at home.
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I was a stay at home, but the Lord designed me and shaped me
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where I don't. I would probably not do it while
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doing both. I'm just not a multitasker.
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I mean, my husband is, but I'm not.
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So I know God designed me to start a small business.
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Now my kids are grown because now I'm shaped to be able to do
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that and focus on that. So everybody is shaped
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differently, and there's nothing wrong with either one.
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And so I love that. You know, it was interesting in
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your book that you say that mom guilt is an American thing.
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I was like, wow. And that it doesn't exist in the
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other countries. Expand on that 'cause that was.
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Interesting to read. It doesn't.
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It doesn't exist to the levels that it exists that we here in
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America. Yeah.
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And you know, you talked about being AI.
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Call them slay at home moms. And yes.
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All moms work. So people are like, well, Paula,
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your language is divisive. Look, I'm just standing up for a
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marginalized group of mothers in the workplace.
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Yes, I know all moms work in other countries.
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Women don't have really a choice to stay home, OK?
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They don't have a choice but to work.
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And they take a lot of pride in working and and in helping to
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contribute financially to the home.
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They don't carry that guilt because.
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Number one attitudes are different in other countries.
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They have an incredible amount of support from their families,
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from their communities, from society.
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Just the attitude of I and my brothers keeper, there's not
12:08
this expectation that you have to be a mommy martyr and you
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can't ask for help. I mean, it's not stigmatized to.
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Hire a housekeeper or somebody to help clean or cook.
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It's very affordable. Mothers are not expected to
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carry it all. There is a beautiful
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interdependence upon the community to help raise the
12:27
children. As a village, you have family
12:29
members living with you. It is not a burden task for
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help. It is expected so that right
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there is different. And then policies, you know,
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support families in Europe. You know, you have education
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that starts at ages two and three, and a lot of it is.
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Subsidized here in America. It's like your kid, your
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problem. You know what?
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The government is going to give you a $500 tax credit for
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childcare. I'm sorry, our families are
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priority in this country. Are we family friendly?
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Because it certainly doesn't feel like it.
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And so it's just a different expectation here in America.
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We we feel like we have to do it all.
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We have to carry it all. We can't ask for help.
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If we do, we're weak. We're a failure.
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I can't talk about the cleaning people, that beautiful people
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that come to my house once a month because I'm privileged,
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right? I have to be a mommy martyr.
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I have to do it all. I have to carry it all.
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Yeah. No wonder we're burnt out.
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It's not, it's not healthy. It's not healthy for us.
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It's not healthy for our children.
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It's not healthy to display that so.
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My God's not really a thing in other countries.
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And yes, they're dealing with war and famine and poverty and
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other things, but like families are supported, motherhood is
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supported, it's celebrated and they don't have a really a
13:44
choice but to work. So they don't feel any and they
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don't and they they actually enjoy it.
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They take pride in helping to helping to financially provide,
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right? Right.
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And I think too, like, if you have your priorities, like God,
13:55
family, work, I mean, if that is all online, that's going to
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bless that. You're not going to feel
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overwhelmed, guilt, burnout, because you've got your
14:05
priorities. Absolutely.
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OK. So you left the TV news, I
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believe, around 2020, Correct me if I'm wrong.
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And then you founded Carrie Media, which advocates for
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working moms. What brought you to that pivotal
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point where you're just, yes, I'm going this other thing?
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You know, you were talking about being a slay at home mom, OK, I
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so I had worked in television news for a very long time, you
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know, worked my way out from Dayton, OH, Cincinnati, OH
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Chicago, and then the network level 2018.
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I got super burnt out. I was anchoring Good Morning
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America weekends at the time. I was coasting the view and I
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really felt, God say slow down. And so I did.
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That was 2018. I stepped into a much less
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prestigious position at ABC and just a general correspondence.
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So I wasn't anchoring anything. You know, I just was reporting
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and a year later I lost my job very suddenly right at the
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beginning of the pandemic. I was not resigned.
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And that was shocking and had to figure out what was next, like a
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lot of other moms who were forced out of the workforce,
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frankly, at the beginning of the pandemic.
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Because we. Bear the brunt of that?
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Because why wouldn't we? When we're making $0.70 on the
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dollar, do you see how the cycle continues to spin?
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It's only going to fall on our shoulders.
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And of course, it's up to the mom to raise the kid.
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So, you know, don't get me started on that.
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You're the first one to be laid off, right?
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Yeah, So I was. So I was let go.
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I had to figure out what was next.
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Do I do the I'd like this divergent?
15:38
Do do I stay in the safe? Comfortable expected path TV
15:42
news had offers I interviewed elsewhere or do I kind of go for
15:45
this thing? I didn't know what this thing
15:46
was going to be. I just knew I really had a heart
15:49
for mothers in the workplace and how A we have to often choose as
15:53
women between kids and career. You know, B, motherhood is not
15:56
celebrated. It is scrutinized and penalized
15:59
and C we there is the motherhood penalty.
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Once you become a mom, you're paid less and valued less and
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scrutinized more. And I was like, OK, God, I don't
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know what to do with it, but I know I need to, like, use my
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gifts of. Curiosity and question asking
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and in my networking and my experience in media, what can I
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do with this? And I just really felt God
16:18
saying you need to go for this. I didn't know what it was going
16:20
to look like. I formed Carrie Carrie Media
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CARRY We want to help carry the burdens of women mothers because
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they're carrying so much. And I'm not an entrepreneur, I'm
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not a founder, but I am a question asker.
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I am an advocate. I love to get to the bottom of
16:37
things. I will ask questions and I was
16:39
born curious. My nickname?
16:41
Since I was a toddler with Paula, 20 questions.
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So I'm like, OK, I'm going to use my gifts and talents over
16:45
here. God.
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And it's been like it's been almost two years and it's scary,
16:53
you know. But I had to give myself
16:54
permission to try something new and we provide Carrie provides
16:58
load lessening content. So content for busy working
17:01
moms. We have a weekly newsletter by
17:02
and for working moms that's free called the Carry all.
17:05
You can sign up for it on Carrie Media or on our Instagram page.
17:10
And I just, I really love beating the drum for mothers in
17:14
the workplace, standing up for them.
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I love, you know, making I want to make sure that motherhood is
17:20
celebrated, that we aren't punished because if we don't
17:22
have kids, we don't have, I mentioned it earlier, a human
17:25
race to have a labor force to grow the economy.
17:27
So stop punishing us. It's so ridiculous in this
17:30
country how mothers are treated. And I really think so many of
17:33
the issues we face as a society are in part to two things, how
17:37
we treat families. Right, which is not great.
17:40
And how we treat mothers in the workplace who most of them have
17:43
to work and most will be the primary breadwinner.
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We cannot continue cycles of dead poverty by treating mother
17:50
by punishing motherhood and punishing mothers in the
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workplace. Yeah, so good.
17:54
Like you're a gap filler. I just.
17:56
See you. Thank you, Bridge and Gap
17:58
Filler. So I I love how you talked about
18:04
rebranding. I think most of us who are
18:06
building a business can't relate to this branding or rebranding
18:10
and how you relate it to moms needing a rebrand.
18:15
So what are your thoughts on that?
18:17
Oh gosh. Well, it's like, how did we go
18:19
from describing ourselves as mothers to, you know, hundreds
18:22
of years ago was resourceful and hardworking and industrious to
18:29
broken and burnt out. Right.
18:31
And but I do think mothers need a rebrand.
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Because there's this, there's this, there's perception, and
18:40
then there's reality. The perception is when she have
18:41
a baby, when she have a kid, whether the baby grew in your
18:44
heart or tummy, there's this perception that, oh, she's
18:47
counting Cheerios in the corner. She's not committed.
18:51
She's a risk and a liability. She has mommy brain there.
18:54
She doesn't know what's going on.
18:56
OK, let's talk about the reality of what's happening.
18:59
And the reality is, and this is what I love, I totally nerd it
19:02
out with the book. I mean, I interviewed all types
19:04
of thought leaders and scientists and theologians and
19:06
sociologists and historians, and one of the chapters is about
19:09
what scientifically, scientifically, what's happening
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to us when we become moms. Our empathy grows, our
19:15
efficiency grows. OK?
19:17
Our courage grows. Our vision grows.
19:21
We're better leaders and our emotional IQ, our social cues
19:26
like we have become like almost the ideal employee where there's
19:32
no one more productive, loyal and efficient than a mother who
19:36
is well supported and not punished for being a mother.
19:39
And so I'm like, why are we talking about this?
19:42
Why? Like I, I am your ideal
19:45
employee, but I need you to support me as a mother 1st and
19:49
do not punish me. And you are starting to see
19:52
employers who are realizing this like, Oh my gosh, moms are like
19:55
the most underrated workforce on the planet.
19:57
But I need to allow her to be a mother 1st instead of punishing
20:01
her like I just had. I have a very small team.
20:04
It's like me and two others, OK And And half of our team was on
20:09
maternity leave and she was gone for 12 weeks and she came back.
20:15
And when I'm reintroducing her, I'm like, you know, let's say
20:17
welcome back to Diana. Who is now?
20:20
More. She's even.
20:21
This is her third baby. She's now even more efficient
20:23
and more empathetic and more. She's a better leader and better
20:27
human because of motherhood. Motherhood has made her
20:30
stronger. It's not in spite of motherhood.
20:33
It's because of motherhood. And so that's why I say moms
20:37
need a rebrand because we're pretty incredible.
20:40
So stop treating us like we're count Cheerios in the corner and
20:43
we don't know what we're doing. I mean, I think, I think we we
20:46
could change society. And this is not a case against
20:49
men. I have a whole chapter in my
20:50
book dedicated to inviting men into the conversation,
20:54
addressing their toxic expectations that they've been
20:56
dealing with since they were young.
20:59
And so just kind of getting into their mind of like what it's
21:02
like for them to be on the other side of this.
21:06
But I just I I just think like we could change American culture
21:12
so much if we were represented in boardrooms, if we were
21:16
represented at the decision making tables because the way
21:19
that we we become better leaders we you know most employees would
21:24
rather work for a women or mom LED company.
21:27
Most women LED companies tend to be more profitable when moms
21:30
lead. You know employees believe that
21:35
anything is possible and that's not it's that's not a case
21:38
against anybody. It's a case for moms.
21:40
We bring something so unique to the table and it's through the
21:44
vein of my family is first, you guys and if you really want to
21:48
about like we need to value people and humans and families.
21:51
We could change policy. We could change attitudes about
21:54
family. We could change corporate
21:56
America. We could change culture.
21:58
If we had a seat at the table. And that's what I That's how I
22:01
really think, yeah, we could wait for.
22:02
I'm not waiting for the government to do it.
22:04
Let's make sure that we have a seat at the table to help inform
22:08
the decisions. Yeah, it takes us.
22:10
I love that. When I was momming Littles, I
22:15
did feel this division between working moms and the stay at
22:20
home moms. How?
22:22
How do you think we can do bring?
22:25
These two groups together, where can the unity start to happen.
22:30
Yeah it's yeah, the mommy wars. I addressed that and I think
22:35
it's it's just first of all our language.
22:38
You know like I call stay at home moms, slay at home moms and
22:42
you know mothers in the work we're working.
22:43
I know all moms work. But it's we have to if we wonder
22:47
why we're fair game in culture. We have to wonder why we're
22:52
first fair game on our own circles.
22:54
Oh, did you see how she's raising her kid?
22:56
Oh, my gosh, she can't be. She was raising her kids.
22:59
She's working all the time. You know, it's like, how are we
23:01
talking about one another? We don't know the other mother's
23:05
story. I just think we have to respect
23:07
that. We have to respect every mom's
23:10
journey and choices for her family because not everyone has
23:14
the. It is a luxury and a privilege
23:17
to be able to stay home. It's a it's a privilege.
23:19
And and I stayed home for a while.
23:20
I recognized it as a privilege. Most moms don't have that
23:24
privilege. And so it's so it's it's we just
23:31
have to understand what works best for our family isn't always
23:34
going to work what's best for another family and respect that
23:37
they're making the best choice and see how we can support them.
23:40
Imagine what we could do if we supported one another in our own
23:43
circles and created that village mentality and say you don't have
23:46
to carry it on, I'm going to bring you dinner.
23:47
I'm going to babysit your kids on a Friday.
23:49
Like you're just respecting the other person's decision and
23:52
realize that their circumstances might not be your circumstances.
23:56
And we shouldn't villainize work.
23:58
God put vocational He He put vocational desires on our heart.
24:03
There's nothing wrong with that. Yes, we're a mom first, right?
24:06
But the most important thing I've done is inviting my kids
24:09
into the conversation about the the work that I'm doing and how
24:12
I'm shining my light. Why?
24:13
It's important for our family, not just to help provide for the
24:17
family, but the work I'm doing, how I'm shining my light.
24:19
Things got us put in my heart. They get real excited, like, OK,
24:23
mom, tell us about who you're going to talk to today and they
24:27
start. If I've invited them into the
24:28
process and said, is this an acceptable amount of travel for
24:32
our family? Because it's got to work for
24:33
everybody. I mean, I missed the first day
24:35
of school, OK, because I was at hosting a leadership conference,
24:39
but they didn't make me feel guilty.
24:41
And you notice the way you talk about it, they'll pick up on it.
24:45
If you feel like you're the worst mom in the world because
24:48
you have to be away, they're going to make you feel like
24:50
because kids pick up on on on the way you talk about it, they
24:54
have something called mutant. They they they have something
24:57
called mirror neurons, which I learned from a friend.
24:59
And they're like, if you say I'm the worst mommy in the world, I
25:01
missed the first day of school, they're going to say that.
25:03
But if you're like, hey you guys, we have a village around
25:06
us, you guys are going to be just fine.
25:08
We've taken care of it. And you know, there's other
25:10
people that love you. Mommy and daddy get to go do
25:13
some really cool things. Hey, here's what we get to do
25:15
when we're at like, my kids didn't make me feel guilty at
25:18
all because they know the work I'm doing is important to our
25:20
family and they are a part of what what I'm doing.
25:24
This isn't just Mommy working in a silo.
25:26
This is me working with our family inviting my kids into
25:29
what I'm doing, why it's important.
25:30
So they feel personally vested and they do not hold.
25:34
They don't make me feel bad about it.
25:35
They actually love it. So, yeah, it's a team, right?
25:39
It is. It is, yeah.
25:41
And when you're working and you're being on purpose,
25:45
intentional, to spread the gospel, to be a witness to
25:50
spread the light like you said, I mean.
25:52
That's key right there. And when you were talking about
25:56
the division among the the mom groups, the mommy wars, you
26:00
know, just not being in competition with each other.
26:04
That's right. That's good.
26:06
Yeah, and and comparison, Just stay in your lane.
26:09
That person was shaped and designed to do it this way, and
26:13
you were shaped and designed to do it this way.
26:16
And it doesn't make someone any greater than the other, You know
26:20
so. I think that's a good thing to
26:23
remind ourselves. Also OK, you talk about
26:27
supporting moms in the workplace and how good it is for business
26:33
and I am too passionate about that.
26:35
I. Went out of my way.
26:37
I'm trademarking. She speaks life, and I found a
26:41
mom to be my attorney and without you.
26:46
Coming on the show, I was like, oh, this is so.
26:49
Great to bring up because I felt so good because I'm all about
26:54
giving those moms, those women, the opportunity.
26:57
I mean, there was a plethora of men attorneys out there that I
27:02
could have chosen, but I had this one mom that reached out
27:05
and I'm like, Yep. This is for her, you know, to to
27:09
get my trademark through. So so what's your why this is so
27:14
valuable? I know you can expand more on
27:17
this. Having a little context helps
27:19
helps me a ton in the research that I did.
27:22
Just knowing that most moms have to work OK and most moms will be
27:26
the primary breadwinner for their family, understanding that
27:30
helped me kind of see outside of my own circumstances, because we
27:34
are informed by our own circumstances.
27:36
But I think the workplace is more valuable with our voice,
27:39
with our vision, with our leadership.
27:41
I mentioned earlier how scientifically we grow in so
27:44
many different capabilities. And that's just not just
27:46
mothers. That's parenthood in general.
27:48
Parenthood strengthens your courage and leadership and
27:51
vision and social cues. Your emotional IQ motherhood
27:55
scientifically increases your empathy and your efficiency,
27:58
your capabilities. We're an asset to the workforce.
28:02
We are not a liability and a risk.
28:04
Again, it's that difference between perception and reality.
28:07
And we bring something so unique.
28:08
But companies also have to understand, yes, like when you
28:14
hire a mom or you hire a parent, you're getting top talent.
28:17
You are. You're getting the most
28:18
effective, efficient, loyal, productive employee that you can
28:22
find. Moms and parents don't leave if
28:24
if they are well supported. You have to support them.
28:27
And companies that don't pay attention to that are going to
28:31
be left in the dust because even if they're not valuing families
28:34
now, guess what? This next generation behind us,
28:37
Gen. Z's, millennials, they're going
28:39
to comprise like 70% of the workforce in a couple of years.
28:41
And they want something different.
28:43
They want work, that elusive work life balance.
28:46
They want to, they want their measurables to be measured.
28:49
They don't want to feel like they have to come into an office
28:52
just to come into an office five days a week.
28:54
So I also think like we need to know and advocate for our worth.
28:58
OK, on one side, but corporate America and culture has to also
29:03
value and and start committing to measuring the measurables.
29:08
OK, the workplace was not set up for families to thrive.
29:11
I mean especially when I have a 223330 and 4:00 pick up for
29:16
school. We have, we have to change the
29:19
way we do business. Even the pilot programs for four
29:21
day work weeks have been transformative for mental
29:24
health, for productivity. We got to commit to measuring
29:28
the measurables and that's where there's an onus on corporate
29:31
America society to kind of change and reframe how we've
29:34
been doing things for a while. And but but more so honoring how
29:43
unique our voice and vision is now that we've become a parent
29:46
that parenthood has made us an asset and not a risk and not a
29:50
liability. Yeah.
29:52
Do you think now working remote since the pandemic, that's
29:56
helped a little because I mean, a little more flexibility and
30:00
doing both. Yeah.
30:01
And, you know, there's like a lot of these companies though,
30:04
they're like back to the office. Yes, because that's the
30:08
comfortable way of doing business.
30:09
And I'm like you guys. If you don't start listening to
30:11
your employees, you're going to get left in the dust.
30:14
You're going to face a retire, a retention and hiring deficit if
30:17
you aren't already. Because again, that next
30:20
generation wants something different.
30:21
And it's not just parents that want flexibility.
30:24
Like the Wall Street Journal did a a study not too long ago. 95%
30:29
of employees, all employees that are eligible to work, want
30:34
flexible schedules, 80 something percent want hybrid location.
30:40
Listen to your people. They want something totally
30:42
different and they hold the power now.
30:45
And yet it might work for a little bit to call people back
30:48
in the office, but you're going to start losing people, start
30:50
valuing people for people first. You're going to get the most out
30:54
of them. I think there's just this fear
30:57
that we're not going to be as productive and efficient, but
31:02
you can be even more so. But you've got to let go of the
31:05
previous expectations and, you know, commit to measuring the
31:10
measurables you really do. Yeah, so good.
31:13
OK. I love to end each episode with
31:16
a take away that the listener, our friend here, can poneran or
31:19
take action in. What would that be, Paula?
31:23
Oh my gosh. The take away would be you don't
31:29
have to carry it all. And the reason for that is that
31:32
yes, there's this expectation to do it all, to carry it all.
31:34
You can't hire help. You're privileged if you are.
31:38
You know there's that stigma around it.
31:40
We were not meant to carry it all.
31:43
It is not, it's we are making ourselves mentally and
31:46
physically and emotionally unwell by trying to carry it
31:49
all. Something that's helped me is
31:50
just to realize, like, I have to ask for help.
31:55
And there's that's not weakness, that's strength.
31:58
I have a village that, like, lifts me up.
32:01
I'm not trying to be that perfect Pinterest mom.
32:03
I'm not trying to be there for every single moment.
32:05
That's fine. If I'm not, my kids are going to
32:08
be just fine when they have other people helping to raise
32:11
them that I trust, you know, speaking life into them.
32:14
They're youth leaders or strong friends.
32:16
They're coaches, you know, putting them in position to be
32:20
influenced by other people that you love and respect.
32:23
You don't have to carry it all. Stop trying, Stop trying to do
32:26
it all. Ask for help.
32:27
Create that village. If you don't have it, be that
32:30
help to somebody else, show up for them, inconvenience
32:32
yourself. Because a village, if you want
32:35
to be part of something bigger than yourself, you have to be
32:37
willing to be inconvenienced. And one thing, there's a great
32:40
visual a friend of mine gave me and she said, Paula, you know, I
32:43
like, I'm done trying to be a perfect mom.
32:45
I just damn, I'm not trying to be perfect.
32:48
I own my mistakes. I'm going to make a mistake
32:49
every day, she said. There's two kinds of balls that
32:53
you have to keep. You know, there's glass balls
32:54
and plastic balls. Keep the glass ones in the air
32:57
because those, if you drop those, shatter the plastic ones,
33:00
let those fall, they're going to bounce anyways.
33:03
So that has forced me to prioritize what's important,
33:06
what's not. And I go into everyday saying, I
33:08
know I'm going to drop some balls today and that's OK, I'm
33:10
going to drop the plastic ones and not the glass ones.
33:12
So I'm not trying to cure it all.
33:14
I'm not trying to be perfect. I asked for help and I own my
33:17
imperfections. And next, fine.
33:20
That's actually how it was created.
33:21
I was created to need of interdependence and that's what
33:25
I'm trying to go back to where I need help.
33:27
And that's that's actually strength, not weakness.
33:31
Gosh, where were you after I had my third kid?
33:33
I had to hire someone to help me.
33:35
But it didn't just come easy. I had a battle with that guilt,
33:39
with the Oh my gosh, you know what's wrong with me?
33:43
Why can't I do it all? You know, I needed a voice like
33:46
yours to be like, it's OK to ask for help because you do.
33:51
I felt weak. I felt like a less than, but
33:54
that's not true. So it's not true.
33:58
But that's that's not very much an American thing, yeah.
34:01
It is, yeah. So you don't have to carry it
34:03
all. You don't have.
34:04
Don't try to be that perfect mom and be that.
34:06
If I hear a lot of times from moms, like, well, I don't have a
34:10
village. Create one.
34:12
There are Facebook groups. There's community.
34:15
You take the first step. You take somebody dinner.
34:17
You say I'm going to babysit your kids on Friday.
34:19
You babysit my kids on Friday. I'm going to pick your kid up
34:22
from carpool. I'm going to take your kid to
34:23
volleyball or baseball or soccer practice.
34:25
Today I'm going to do. So I'm going to clean your
34:27
house. You take the step, create the
34:29
village, create the community. You can do it.
34:31
It's like we have to also step outside of our comfort zone and
34:35
be willing to be inconvenienced. That's what being that's what
34:38
doing life is. That's what we that's how we
34:41
actually live best is that beautiful interdependence and
34:44
community in that village. Like it takes the village start.
34:47
You have to create it. And it starts with you saying
34:50
I'm not carrying it all anymore. I need help.
34:53
Yeah, so good. I know, I know friends that take
34:56
turns watching each others kids and that helps.
34:59
You know, that's great. That's great.
35:01
Community moms helping moms, Okay.
35:03
Where can everyone find your book and connect with?
35:06
Yes. You don't have to carry it all.
35:08
Ditch the mom guilt and find a better way forward.
35:10
Here, I'll show you a copy of it.
35:12
This one is my own personal copy.
35:13
It's all tabbed and gross. But you don't have to carry it
35:16
all. Ditch them.
35:17
I'll go find a better way forward.
35:18
Everywhere books are found. Pick it up at your independent
35:21
retailers if you can. The small mom and pop jobs also
35:23
on Amazon and you can connect with me at Paula Faris.
35:29
Faris and Carry Media is the name of the company that I
35:34
formed to provide content for busy working moms.
35:37
And that's CARRY like. We want to help carry the
35:40
burdens of working moms because they're carrying so much.
35:42
And we have that weekly newsletter every week which I'd
35:44
love for you to subscribe to. It's free load, lessening
35:47
content for busy working moms. You can sign up at
35:51
carrymedia.com or on our Instagram page, so.
35:54
So great. Awesome, Paul.
35:57
Thank you Jamie. God bless.
36:00
God bless you. Thank you so much for listening
36:04
today, and I trust that God has encouraged you through this
36:07
story. Did you know?
36:09
This podcast is on YouTube? Hop on there and subscribe and
36:13
you can see a live recording of each episode.
36:17
And For more information on this ministry and to access free
36:21
downloads, please visit my website at jamieelizabeth.com.
36:25
That's JAYME elizabeth.com. And let's connect beyond this
36:31
podcast by going to my Instagram handle, Jamie Elizabeth, She
36:35
Speaks Life or Facebook. Until next time, my friend.
36:38
I hope God reveals himself through your own life story.