Latest / The You Project / #1741 Maysie Analyses Harps - Andrew May

Transcript

#1741 Maysie Analyses Harps - Andrew May · The You Project

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I'll get a Tim Craig, Anthony Harper. What's your middle name? Mate?
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: May see? What's your middle name?
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Ricardo?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Andrew Ricardo? Wow? Mabeh up there up there in the
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: thriving metropolis, meet down here in Melbs. It is the
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: you project at yous us? Hi? Mate? How are you good?
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We're recording. I'm I'm telling everyone what I did.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: I've just thrown Harps under his own typ bus. We
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: were in flow about ten minutes into it. I don't
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: know whether it was a mistake or whether I was
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: just wwfully, but harpsquent. Jeez, mate, Sorry, can we start again?
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: I haven't pressed record. You looked mortified. I just laughed.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: I said, let's go again.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: Do you know what the dumbest thing that Melissa did
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: was she gave me control over when the recording starts
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: and stops, and like, why would you give me that
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: much power? You know, I'm an idiot, you know.
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: I just press the red button, don't touch anything else.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: I don't want to ask you the same questions that
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I asked you the first time round, So I'll I'll
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: just start with this. How's your twenty twenty four been?
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: What did you learn are you. Are you exhausted? Are
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: you excited? Are you were a bit of both?
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: Let's answer that reverse. I am crawling, dragging myself like
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: got white on my fingers, is just pulling myself to
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: the line.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Mate.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: In fact, I caught up with one of the clients
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: I trained this morning of training for a number of years,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: is it see Over Big Company. I met him at
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Bondi Beach. You know, you're a personal trainer. You're never
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: not a personal trainer. So even when I do work
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: with my exact clients, I'd still go for a walk,
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: throwing a few push ups, a few genies. And I
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: saw him at the beach. I'll work with him for
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: ten years, and you know, there's his public face and
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: he's a well known person, and then he's he's personally
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: he's a good guy. And I looked at him. I
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: could see he was just tired. So I rocked up
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: to him and I just went nothing. I just grabbed him.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I hugged him.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: I said, this looks like exactly what you need to see.
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: You know I do, but probably not from you, and
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: not while everyone's watching. He hugged me and he just laughed.
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: He said, yeah, I think I did need that. I
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: think that just sums up the center. But we all
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: need a bloody good hug. Because I was reflecting on
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: this after our conversation ten years ago. You'd remember this
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: December early December, the engine would stop, Like for you
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: and I when we put our keynote hats on, you
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: wouldn't do many keynotes in December. I did four last
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: week ups, like who are these people still doing keynotes?
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: A couple of weeks before Christmas? So we're now working
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: right towards the end. And I blame a lot of
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: the COVID because we're much more tech set up at home,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: so we don't have that natural downtime at the start
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: of the day. And then if you do go to
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: the office, you've already been working on. You take a
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: few hours, and then we're getting back on at night.
• 2:55
  Speaker 2: So I just find there's this residual fatigue. Now everyone
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: is technical term wrecked.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting. So I don't know if
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I've ever unpacked this with you, but I love your thoughts, right,
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: So we it's a little bit nine nineties and nineteen
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: eighties now. But work life balance, the idea of work
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: life balance theoretically is like, if you work this much
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: and you don't work this much, there's this much at work,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: this much not at work, and there's it's almost like
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: there's a formula or an equation.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: And I hate the term. I vomit when someone goes,
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: we need a work life balance program.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I hate it, and I'm like, yeah, here's the
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: problem though, or works not equal and you could do
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: ten hours of something you fucking hate, and I do
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: fifty hours of something I love, and your job's worse
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: for you than mine. In fact, my job's good for me.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: It actually energizes me, stimulates me, grows me, develops me.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: And I'm doing fifty or sixty hours, and through your
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: lens you might go, oh my god, that is way
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: too much. But ten hours, Well, imagine having a job
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: that's only ten hours. It's like, yeah, well it depends.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: I'd rather do seventy hours where I'm engaged and feel
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: like I'm growing and stretching and get tired. There's times
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: in all of our lives where you push it. The
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: original research I saw on that was back I had hair.
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: Harps were in the nineties, Like you know when they
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: show Homer Simpson with hair and everyone just last year
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: got those two little strands. But the research is on
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: work life balance, and they were researchers, and I underscore that,
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: but they weren't pracademics like you are practical. They were
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: researchers in the lab. So they said, hey, we've got
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: the data. You should sleep eight hours. How many of
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: your audience sleeps eight hours a night? You should work
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: eight hours and then recreate eight hours. It's absolutely setting you.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: There's times during coming into holidays made I'm not going
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: to work much at all. I'm pulling the roller door
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: down for three three weeks. But there's times and you're
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: the same. We bang out sixty seven hour weeks and
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: we love what we do and you just get on
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: with it. Hey, but how do you do? How are you?
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: You?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: You asking everyone else how are you are you?
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm like all the stuff that people would
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: typically ask about work and UNI and study and all good.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I've just got a very close friend who's really crooked
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: at the moment. So that's taking a bit of my
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: internal kind of energy, of my emotional and psychological attention,
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: I guess. So I'm I'm trying to be really supportive there,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: but other than that, I'm good. I'm I feel surprisingly
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: calm and not exhausted. It might hit me, but I
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: tend to I don't really kind of have a big
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: end of year assessment new year's strategy. Not that that's bad,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I guess I get a little bit more reflective. But
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: you and I are going to talk about, you know,
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: almost having a bit of a look at the year
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: in review and maybe setting us up ourselves up for
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: another year. And this is the time of the year
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: for a lot of people where there is introspection and
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: reflection and some kind of I guess almost assessment where
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: we try to. I think sometimes when we get away
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: from work, whether that's literally or metaphorically or geographically away,
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I think we can get a level of perspective that
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: we can't always achieve when we're in the middle of
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: whatever it is. We're typically in the middle.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Of absolutely and a nice segue to get us back
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: on track. We're like Daryl and Dale and the Castle.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: How's Buck Dad? Yeah, he's okay. Sometimes we talk for hours. Yes,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: the power of self reflection. I've done this the last five.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Or six years.
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: Personally, I do it with all my clients. And we
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: were chatting about getting on and doing something before the
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: end of the year. I thought this would be a
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: really good one to do. It's a bit like driving
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: a car, is the analogy. Eighty five ninety percent of
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: your vision is looking out the front window and to
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: the side, and they go about five to ten percent
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: in the review and maybe five and the side mirrors.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: So the point of the analogy is, let's look back
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: in the review mirror on the year that's been and yeah,
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: most of you are feeling tired, like my client this morning,
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: need a bit of a hug. But there's some good
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: research on this. So when you look at goal achievement,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: the process of setting achieving goals, but most of it
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: looks moving forward. In the last few years, there's been
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: more around this accomplishment focus about reviewing and reflecting your goals.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: And when I doug into this a little bit a
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: few years ago, I went, hey, this is not new.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: There was a dude back in nineteen thirty three called
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: John Dewey who wrote about how you should reflect and
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: it bridges the gap between experience and self awareness. And
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: now we have people doing PhDs around all this stuff,
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: and you go, my god, this is ninety years ago.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Dewey also observed how serious and careful consideration leads to
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: personal growth. So I think to honor the great man
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: John Dewey. I done knowing, but he sounds like a
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: great man. And to look at that goal accomplishment theory.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: I've been at risk of this over the years, harps,
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: where I've had a year and going right, bang, let's
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: bag it, let's go and have a break, and I'm
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: going to come out next year fresh and go again.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: What I've found personally and what I've found with my
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: clients is that process of looking in the review mirror.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: It does a couple of things. Well, it just gives
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: you some time to catch up and make meaning of
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: the year you've had. Two You then can process yeah, wow,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: there's a bunch of areas in my life, and we'll
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: take people through a framework where I've absolutely overachieved. I
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: just haven't slowed down and caught up. But there's also
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: a bunch of areas I'm either not happy with or
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: there's a little bit more I can do, which can
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: then help you set up for the following year. So
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I've found this activity really beneficial.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, before we do that, I want to ask you like.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we've had this chatter before, but
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: one of the things I often ask audiences is about,
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: you know, whether or not they think they're open minded
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: and in general terms objective, And everyone goes, yeah, fuck yeah,
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: super open minded. I'm super objective. I'm not closed minded.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Who said that? Who told you? Yeah, that's right? And
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: you know, then I explained, I said, well, look that
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: you know. Your version of the world is a subjective
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: version that's not good or bad or broken. That's human.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: I'm the same. Am I open minded? Not really? Am
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I totally objective? Nowhere near it? Would I like to be?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Do I like the idea? Yes I do? But the
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: reality is I've got pre existing ideas and beliefs and
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: biases and bullshit and issues and programming, And in the
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: middle of all of that, I create my own reality,
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: which I'm well aware as just mine. But when we
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: are reflecting and looking at our year, world's longest fucking
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: set up question, by the way, hurry up ups. But
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: when we are see that self awareness, when we are
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: looking back, how do we find kind of a level
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: of objectivity or perspective which is.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: Empowering rather than you know can convenient if I go
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: a layer deep from that is part of that question
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: as well. How do you do this and be really
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: honest and authentic and not bullshit yourself so you're doing
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: a happy shait. How I have done that. I've done
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: this with my team. I've said to everyone earlier this week,
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: let's do this and let's share it, and we shared
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: it in our staff meeting as well, so that was
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: a way of everyone to be open and honance. So
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: if you've got a coach, you could do that with them.
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: Pretty hard to do with your partner sometimes because they'll
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: have a view, a pretty firm view as you're leading
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: into Christmas. If your window of tolerance the psychologists will
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: talk about in relationships, you need a big window of tolerance.
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: If the window is closed and it's brought it up,
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: I maybe wouldn't do this with your partner until you've
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: had a bit of time. I think the main thing
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: would be to share it with somebody else on that
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Sometimes are the people you know best. They know you
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: too well, so it's that level of connectivity. So that's
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: how I'd answer that is if you find that sometimes
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: you bullshit yourself and say the stuff you want to
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: because you I don't know if you think you're being
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: marked on this. I'd share it with someone and say, hey,
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: here's what I reckon. What do you think Am I
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: aligned with how you see the way I show up?
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah? And I think you need to be extraordinarily fucking
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: courageous and authentic to do that properly, because people who
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: say they want feedback generally they don't want feedback. They
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: just want praise, they want endorsement. It's like, oh, do
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: you really want to know how you come? Do you
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: really want to know what I think? Do you really
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: you know? And it's like, oh, that's some of the
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: shit that I've got a few people that have given
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: me like real feedback over the years, and in the
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: moment I didn't fucking love it at all, but part
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: of me knew they were right. How do we find
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: that person for a start? Because I feel like a
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: lot of people will tell you what they think you
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: want to hear, which isn't particularly valuable to you unless
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: it's absolutely true. If it is absolutely true, that's good.
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: But you know, sometimes it's like, sometimes the things I
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: need to do and not the things I want to do.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: Sometimes the things I need to hear. Are not the
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: things that I'm comfortable with. Any tips for us on
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: the giving or getting side of that equation.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I reckon. It all comes back to trust. You've
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: got to have a bed rock of trust. That's someone
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: you know, someone you've got a connection with, and then
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: trust builds that psychological safety. So if you have that
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: and this is not hey harps on and off site
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: you think Terry's a bit of an asshole. So we're
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: going to get you guys to go and build an
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: egg cup catcher. Hey, now, your mates, that's not too bad.
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: That's a fucking horrib like you've been there, I've seen it. Well,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: let's do another one another day. The worst team building
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: activities ever, I reckoned. You could put that out to
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: your audience and get some good ideas. So it's not that,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: but it's actually, hey, let's have a robust conversation and
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: if you've got that bank of trust and Brene Brown
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: so beautifully, trust is like a marble jar. It can
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: take a long time to fill up the jar. One
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: swoop can knock it over. So the person you would
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: be looking for is someone that you know, someone that
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: you've built up that marble jar of trust for a
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: period of time. But you pointed on something really interesting.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Every person I work with, every coaching client at the
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: start'll we do a whole medical bloods all that stuff.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: When we go deep with them and go, look, how
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: do you like feedback? And they look at me be
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: a little bit o, what do you mean? I said, well,
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: do you like feedback? Because I've spent twenty five years
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: in the world of e late sport and feedback is immediate, honest, open.
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: Sometimes people don't like, Ah, no, mate, I love feedback.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: I work in the executive team. And then you flex
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: it and then you give them feedback and you look
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: like you've slapped them and go, look are you okay?
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: No one's ever spoken to me like that in my life.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: Said you told me you like really open, honest feedback.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: Said yeah, I've had nothing like that. And then underneath you, Paul, Oh,
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: that's because you're the top of an organization chart and
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: your feedback is mostly what you want to hear. So
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: getting the right feedback from someone you trust, but then
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: also being open to it one thing to say hey,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: I want feedback, but then are you going to do
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: anything about it?
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, that's that's the thing. It's like, it's having
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: a real insight into and not in a self loathing way.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: I think this is important. I think some people think
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: that when you go introspective and self reflective that it's
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: like finding your faults. No, for me, it's not about that.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: It's really just about me understanding me and me, you know,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: and to you know, to the topic of my PhD,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: which is trying to understand how others understand you or
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: perceive you or experience you. You know, when I explain this,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: when I go you know, in corporate land and other
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: spaces where I talk about you know, meta perception and
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: theory of mind and meta accuracy and all of these
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: things about understanding how others think broadly and then specifically
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: how others see me or experience me. And you know,
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: so many times I've been told so much shit about
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: me that is really quite somewhere between a bit uncomfortable
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: and fucking brutal. But at the end of the day,
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: I think, well, I think, look, if that's true or not,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I still need to know it because if ten twenty
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: people think I'm a fucking idiot because of this, but
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: I'm not a fucking idiot, but enough people think it,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: then one, maybe I'm a fucking idiot. And two, at
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: the very least, I need to understand that I'm doing
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: or saying something which comes across as I'm an idiot.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: So and it's not about being a people pleaser. But
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: if you move through the world with zero awareness of
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: how other people experience you, or experience this moment in time,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: or experience this conversation or this situation, and part of
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: your job is dependent on interpersonal connection, well you're fucked.
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: Give you a quick story and to give you an
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: example on how this can work. I used to work
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: at a consulting firm and one of the big leaders
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: they are said to be made Can you come and
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: watch me speak? I said, yeah, where are you on?
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: He told me he was at this conference and he
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: was representing the firm for a client industry forum. And
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: I watched him speak and then in Craig Harper language,
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: he was fucking train wreck. It was horrible, like it
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: was all slide, slide, slide, and then let me tell
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: you this, and here's there was no vulnerability, no storytelling,
• 16:29
  Speaker 2: no connection. And I said to him, okay, so you
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: want some feedback and to understand the hierarchy and a
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: consulting firm. If I've been here for a long time,
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: fifteen twenty years, even though I was a partner, I
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: was called a junior burger. Because I'm a lateral higher.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: It's almost an alien. So I asked him for permission.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: I said, look, you've asked me for feedback. I've taken
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: some notes. Now can I give you feedback as someone
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: who's got fifteen or twenty years to main expertise as
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: a speaker, not as someone who's just joined the firm. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: And I hear him and he'd given me permission, and
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: we get on well. And he looked at me after
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: and he said, I've never been given feedback like that
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: in my life. Said I've got two questions for her.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: Number one is how are you feeling? And he said
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: it's horrible. He said, I feel vulnerable, I feel exposed,
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: and it's horrible. I said, what is your learning? He said,
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: my learning is God. I wish i'd done this years ago.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: He said, I've been speaking like that for twenty years.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: I said, you're killing me. He said, not twenty years.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: I said, can you imagine how many people have walked
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: away because I said to him, you come across as
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: a bit of a dick because all your stories start
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: with I. There was no interconnectivity, no turn and talk.
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: How about we just have a drop in intensity, turn
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: talk to the next you, person next to you? How
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: do you show up? So there's no connectivity, I said,
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: you've only had people in your chorus telling you are
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: you doing a great job because of the organization chart.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: That was a really good example in life. And I
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: see this guy he I saw him when I was
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: overseas recently. He said, you remember that time made? How
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: could I forget? I said, it looked like you looked
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: like I've never seen you look before. He said, yeah,
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: because I've never felt like that, probably since school. And
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: I didn't get picked because he said, yeah, I wasn't
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: great at sport because I'm a bit of an intellect.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: And that was just a beautiful example when you ask
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: for feedback and you've got that connectivity it. I did
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: it from a place of care and compassion, and I
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: just said to me, if I don't give you this
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: feedback and you don't do anything on it, you're going
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: to have a lot of people walk away. In that go,
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: you're a bit of a dick, but I know you.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: You're actually a good guy. Anyway, fast Track have been
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: now six years later, presenting in a totally different way.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: He's engaging, he's asking questions, he's actually thinking about the
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: audience and how his message is going to land, rather
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: than just giving a slide deck verbal triage and just
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: spraying everyone with a bunch of slides.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a beautiful story, man, because it's like you
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: pulled back the curtain and you showed him something that
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: only you could show him, or only somebody who had
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: your awareness and understanding and integrity could show him. But
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: that's whether he knew it or not, that was the truth,
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: and you pulled back the curtain and showed him the truth.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: And that good on him, though, I mean good on
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: him for taking that on board and then doing something
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: with that. And I think when you like, if you
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: do it the right way, even if it's really direct.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I tell people regularly, I don't care about your feelings
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: for the next five minutes. I don't I care about
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: your health for the next five decades. That's what I
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: care about. If you get a bit upset called I
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: don't care. It doesn't mean I don't care about you,
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: but I don't give a fuck about your emotional state
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: for the next two or three minutes. It's not my
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: job in life to make you feel okay, that's not
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: my purpose. That's your job, right, or maybe I don't
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: know anyone not mine. My job is to help you
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: step in, to see what is, to see reality, to
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: fucking get your hands dirty, to you know, look behind
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: the curtain that I'm pulling back for you. Because this
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: might not be what you want to hear, but from
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: where I stand, and I'm a lot more objective about
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: you than you. You know this is this is true.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: You're not accidentally eating all that shit you're choosing. It is.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: You're not You don't look or function the way you
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: do because of some fucking factor that's out of your control. Right,
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: This is you. And I'm not saying you're a bad human.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I'm not saying you're terrible or flawed or broken. I'm
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: saying that you are doing shit which is essentially high
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: level self sabotage. Now I can tell you poor you,
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: and I can give you a metaphoric or literal BackRub,
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: and I can fucking join in the pity party or
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: I can go No, that's bullshit. And if you don't
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: open your eyes, you're going to be in the same
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: place or worse in one, two, five years. And if
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: you surround yourself with a fucking fan club and people pleases,
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: which is what you're currently doing, it's gonna it's going
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: to end bad.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: Well, you're just going to have more people at your funeral,
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: and your funeral is going to come a lot earlier
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: the premise with what you were talking about with your clients,
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: and I know you do this. You're similar to me,
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: Like people might go he's been a bit of a preck,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: but we're a friendly preck.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: It's done with heart and it's done with compassion when
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: you have permission. So even though this guy had said, hey,
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: come and watch me, I watch him. I made the
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: notes and then I said, all right, do you want
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: me to like, can we just strip the hierarchy and
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: can I just really give it to you the permission?
• 21:37
  Speaker 2: So he'd asked me to go there, and then I
• 21:39
  Speaker 2: framed it again so he'd put in the place that
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: I could be open with him and talk. I think
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: that's really important that we all have people around us
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: like that harps, because otherwise you can start to believe
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: the bullshit right, and you're in a bubble. I reckon,
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: that'd be horrible to be going along for years and
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: never get feedback, and combine that with no self reflection,
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: you're just going to be bouncing around pissing. So many
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: people laugh one hundred percent.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I've told you this, I might
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: have bet my audience, but bear with the audience. It's
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: nearly two thousand episodes, so there's a bit of repetition unavoidable.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: But one of my stories is I used to one
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: hundred years ago do vic Fit Big Pit lecturing. So
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: the fitness industry courses SIRT three and four Boys and Girls,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: and one of the you know, we always had feedback sheets.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: The feedback was mostly positive. I say, mostly, I'm smiling.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: I've heard this story.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, But the common you know, like not like
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: seventy percent, but maybe fifteen percent, was you're scary, you're intimidating.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: And so I walk into the class with those feedback
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: sheets and go, who fucking wrote this? No, I didn't.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: I wanted to just for a joke, for context.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: You're a bodybuilder when I first met you, you're still
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: a big, strong lab Now you are Jack's I'm going
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: to imagine you what the front?
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Who fucking wrote this?
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: Stand up? Now I've got your fucking feedback sheets right
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: in front of me. All right, these people wait for
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: me after class. There's none of that. But it's like
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: when I first got it and I'm like, oh, okay, they're
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: a bit precious. And then I'm like, oh, he's another one.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: Oh he's another one. Oh here's another one. And then
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: I ended up talking to Tara who was working with
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: me in that space, and she's like, well, yeah, of course,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, what do you mean? What do you mean?
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: She's like, well, you know, you're intimidating. I'm like, I'm
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: not intimidating, and she's like, you're you're intimidating. She goes,
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: you're a sweetheart, but you're scary to people who don't.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: I'm like, how am I scary? And then she unpacked
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: thirty seven waits, I'm scary. I'm like all right. So
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: that just helped me, you know, because that was never
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: my intention.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: Like how do you taper that? How did you change that?
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: So after that feedback did you do anything at the
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: start and then I'll tell you funny sorry about a
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: lady who's really changed perception at the start of a presentation.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I asked a lot more questions and
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: I was just I realized that I was, you know,
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm talking to students who don't know, you know,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: a bicep from a carbohydrate, right, or reflection from extension
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: or whatever. Right. So I'm I probably I may have
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: spoken a little over their head. I don't think I did,
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I just I kind of in a nice way,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: dumbed it down, softened it, made it more interactive, tried
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: to consciously be a little bit more doory teller, a
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: little bit more fun, a little bit less you know
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: my way or the highway?
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: Do you know a lady named nine James no means
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: in America Now she started on the keynote circuit in Australia.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Gotta be fifteen. I think I'll sit the ausy quick.
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: That's more than they to be nearly twenty years ago
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: and I saw it mean and double E N James
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: j A M. E. S. So NaN's this little pocket rocket.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: We're at this HR conference in Brisbane. She was the
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: opening keynote, and I was second, so I got in,
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: thought I'll watch Nane. I've heard purchase a good speaker.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: She gets on stage, she goes, Hello, I'm Nane James,
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: and I've got a squeaky voice and big tits, So
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: get over it. There's there's eight hundred and nine hundred
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: people in Brisbane hysterical. Her opening line was, Hello, my
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: name is nine James. I've got big tits and a
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: squeaky voice. Now get on with that now, mate. She
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: did have a very squeaky voice.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I knew what. I knew that was coming.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: I could see your little giggle. But she had she
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: she had, she had, she had both. She was spot on.
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: But what it did, because I'm sitting at the back
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: before she did this, I'm going, my god, she's she
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: got big boobs, very big boobs. And she started to
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: speak helo me and I'd heard she had a squeaky voice.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: But when she did that, I then just totally giggled
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: and then forgot about it, and not once during the
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: rest of that presentation did I think she had a
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: big voice or squeaky Yeah. So she totally disarmed people
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: at the start. So I learned a lot from that,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: so I think given feedback.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you can do something in the first thirty
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: sixty ninety seconds that gets people engaged or amused or laughing,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: it's like a super power.
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: It was an icebreaker. It was a hey, don't just
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: sit there and start thinking about physical characteristics on my voice.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: It was beautiful, absolutely beautiful the way she did it,
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: and it came from she'd obviously had feedback that some
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: people were just thinking about that, so she totally cut
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: it out by running at it at the start.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: So she was were enough.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: And she'd had feedback from people and could process that
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: and realize that was going to make a difference by
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: bringing that up at the start.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: That's so funny that she would get the voice. I get,
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: But who's giving you feedback about your breasts now? Before?
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: On the sheet?
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: Let's put context. This is twenty or so years ago,
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: so I think you could say that without people going, oh,
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: you can't say that. So the world is a little
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: bit more politically correct now. But she did beautiful introduction
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: and then just took away from any distraction from her presentation.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: And she's a wonderful presenter.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Now I'd be doing you and me and this service,
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: if I didn't talk about the fact that for our
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: listeners that were coming towards the end of the year,
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: I think we spoke about that in our first unrecorded
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: attempt of this show, and so I guess I want
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: to just hear your thoughts and ideas and perhaps strategies
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: for our listeners who are thinking about, you know, reflecting
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: on the year that was planning potentially for the year
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: to come. And you know, we know different things work
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: for different people. There's no five step fucking plan that's
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: universally brilliant. But what do you want to tell our
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: listeners that are, you know, thinking about the next kind
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: of twelve months on planet them?
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: Let's start with Charles Dickens. So I want to try
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: and sound a lot smarter than I am, harp. So
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: I've got a Charles Dickens, quite reflect upon your blessings,
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: of which every man and woman has plenty, not on
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: your last misfortunes, of which we all have some. For years,
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: I'd get to this time of the year and go right,
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: I'm going to have a holiday freshen up, and my
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: goals are this year I'm gonna and for a lot
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: of people. It's the same thing year after year. Get fit,
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: lose weight, stops making learn French, spend all the time
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: with the kids. And we know fifty percent of goals
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: after two weeks are thrown out. By the end of
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: January it's eighty to eighty five percent I've thrown out
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: a couple of years ago. I started doing this with
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: a few clients and they thought, jeez, this is really good.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Let's look in the rearview mirror and how have you
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: gone this year? So, no matter how tired you are,
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: just to spend a bit of time. I'll send you
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: the worksheet. You can put that on your show notes
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: so people can download it. So I've just got a
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: little sheety review mirror. The review mirror like, and there's
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: eight areas, So why don't we pick one or two
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: of these? You and I can do it together as well.
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: So the eight areas are you reflect on have you
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: gone on your work slash career? Have you gone around
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: learning and development? So what have you learned and grown?
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: And it's not just work related. How are you going
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: with your finances? And I find those first two really
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: lead to better finances if you're focusing on it. How
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: are you going with community? And spirituality? And spirituality I
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: don't mean just religion, but spirituality that you're connected to
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: a purpose or other things greater than you. Health and fitness,
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: family and relationships. And I've added too, So they're the
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: six that you see a.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Lot of these.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: You know you'd look at the goal will so work slash, career,
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: L and D, financewers, community, health and fitness, and relationships.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I've added passion and play. All of us have a
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: little kid inside, and so often you get the end
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: of the year and if it's been all work, no
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: play makes people very dull. And I've added recovery because
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: I just can't help it in the work that I
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: do very similar to you. Stress is awesome, but you've
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: got to build in a recovery strategy. So they're the eight.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: And what I get everyone to do is just to
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: give yourself a subjective ranking on it. And then if
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: you've got that friend that we're talking about, that trust
• 30:32
  Speaker 2: and psychological safety, I reckon get them to do it
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: independently and then match the sheets together. So just go
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: zero to ten on each of those eight areas.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: Where are you at?
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: So let's pick one harps. You can do one and
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: then maybe you can flip it on me. And then
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: rather than just giving yourself a number, okay, do that,
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: but then put four or five bullet points underneath each one.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: And again the focus on this for everyone looking back
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: in the rearview mirror. What has worked? Don't don't do
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: the hay, I need to work on this. It's hey,
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: what are you really proud of? Or what have you achieved?
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: All right, so I'm going to go. I'm going to
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: pick I could you pick one for me? You pick
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: one for me? Because I feel like because whatever, I
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: could pick any of those and I've still got work
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: to do.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: I'm going to pick a random one because it's easy
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: to go work and L and D. I know a
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: lot about that. What what do you do for hobbies?
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: Passions and play?
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: So let's go okay, okay, yeah, great, So you want
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: me to start or no? Yeah?
• 31:42
  Speaker 2: So give yourself a score first of all out of ten.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to give myself an eight, which is
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: very braggy, make brag start, but can I can I
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: give you my all? Right? So I'm going to give
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: you I reckon. This is the trickiest one. Community and spirituality.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm giving you done right right, So for me,
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I'm going to start right so passion and play. I
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: talk about this a lot. I talk about strategic fun,
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: which sounds un fun, but you know, one of the
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: things I ask people when I'm coaching, which especially when
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: you're coaching a fifty year old bloke, can you go, so,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: do you like having fun? And they look at you
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: like You've just asked them the stupidest thing of all time,
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: and they go, what do you mean? I go, fucking
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: do you like fun? Do you like laughing at silly?
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: Do you like fun? And laughed? Yeah, I'm like cool,
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: So what's your fun plan or strategy? They're like what?
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, what's your So you've got a business plan,
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: you've got a health plan, you've got a fucking career plan.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: You go tell me about fun and it's like, there's
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: no real So I like and not that it needs
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: to be, you know, fucking operationalized on a daily basis
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: with it. I'm laughing at ten, and I'm laughing at twelve,
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: and I'm laughing at two. But just so that we're
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: perhaps integrating stuff into our day to day, which is
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: there's no point to it other than fucking fun. We're
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: not creating any measurable outcome. It's not about a KPI
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: or you know. Maybe the KPIs laughter, Maybe the KPI
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: is dopamine. Maybe the KPI is fucking getting a cuddle
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: or playing with your dog, or you know. So every
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: day I train with one of my best mates, and
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: that's not some days. That's three hundred and sixty five
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: days of the year, unless one of us is away
• 33:24
  Speaker 1: seven days a week. Unless someone's away every day, that's
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: amazing every day, every day. So we would probably see
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: each other because I travel a bit, he does a bit,
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: but I'd probably see him three hundred and twenty days
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: a year. And I would say our training to talking
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: shit ratio is thirty seventy. Right, So we talk shit,
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: We have fun, we hang out, we spot each other,
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: We talk about the fucking meaning of life and silly shit.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: He sends me fucking ten videos a day that I
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: wouldn't want to watch. Right, I did that today already
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I trained with another friend as well. I rode my
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: motorbike to the gym. I've got a bunch of bikes.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: I rode one of my bikes to the gym, which
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: for me is fun. And because I live eight hundred
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: meters from the beach, I walk to the beach every
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: day and I just it's just me time and it's
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: not fun per se, but it's it's I guess that
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: kind of morphs into recovery, but for me just having
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: because I'm like you, my life is intense. I'm with
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: a lot of people, like I told you today, I'm
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: doing three three podcasts. I've had meetings, I've had UNI stuff,
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: I've had coaching a couple of people, which is very
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: cognitively intense where this is not, and some people with
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: some real issues. So me being a fuck with and
• 34:49
  Speaker 1: funny isn't appropriate. So you've got to put on the
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: serious hat and be a proper grown up, you know.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: And then so I might have eight or nine or
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: ten hours a day some days which have very intense
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: and very very cognitively and emotionally expensive, but I need
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: to offset that with some complete bullshit. So and I'm
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: really good at doing that. I don't and I don't
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: say I'm good at many things because I am not.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: But the proof of that is that I rarely get
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: stressed or anxious like rarely. I sleep like a fucking champion.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: Don't get sick.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I don't get sick much much would But yeah, I
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: don't get sick much. I don't feel anxiety. I don't
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: feel stressed. And I think that's part of just like
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: I've been choosing hardship for forty years. Because I've said
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: this to maybe you before, but I've definitely said it
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: twenty times on this show. Because when I was growing up, mate,
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: I wasn't super fucking great at anything. Like all my
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: friends were either great athletes or great academics or great this,
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: great creatives or great whatever. I wasn't in any any
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: of those groups. I was like mister five out of
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: ten and everything. And so for me, my mediocrity became
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: my platform to resilience and strength and work ethic and grinding,
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: and then that became my superpower, like just my ability
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: to keep going like that. That's kind of set me up.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: So that's so I think things that would stress. I
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: spoke about this the other day, like when my gym,
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: when the guy was talking about that I trained today.
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: I think you know the story he died five years
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: ago at the gym.
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: Do you know that story had a heart attack.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so he had. He actually had a cardiac
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: arress so his hearts there was no heart attack per se,
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: but his heart, of course stopped beating. And I don't
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: know why, but in the middle of that, I was
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: completely calm, and everyone else in the gym was freaked
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: the fuck out. Nobody would help, nobody would come, and
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: I don't know why, but for whatever reason, I'm very thankful.
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: I don't really get stressed.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Very much, you know, but it's relative because you've stressed
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: yourself a lot. That's called resistance training, it's called presenting,
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: it's called starting multiple podcasts, it's called starting a heap
• 37:10
  Speaker 2: of businesses. The biggest misknowment of people go, oh, I
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: need to get rid of stress in my life. No,
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: you don't. You need to have short, sharp, regular hits
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: of stress, and then you need to downregulate and chill
• 37:22
  Speaker 2: the fudge out physically and psychologically. And that's how you
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: get your growth. And it's not just growth in the gym,
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: it's growth cognitively, growth in your relationships. Like I heard
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: someone say, recently, Oh, yeah, there's stress in our relationship. God,
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: if you've got kids, you've got a partner. You're trying
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: to function in your head, let alone someone else's. There's
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: always going to be stress. But what's the drop? So
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: you know what, I love asking you that question on
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: the spot. I didn't send you this this list before.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: You just go on bang bang bang bang bang. So
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: you build hobbies, passion play into your life, and you've
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: obviously worked out a way to do what you do
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: and to bang out three out the podcast in a year,
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: crazy mofo, because you've got a way to down regulate.
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: So I've got one other question on that, and this
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: is this is for the learning for your audience as well.
• 38:09
  Speaker 2: How did you feel when you rattled off your answer
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: on that eight out of ten? All those areas so
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: in that process of self reflecting, get a bit better
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: on me?
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel content. I don't feel like there's no
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: arrogance orry ego in that I'm I'm quietly like for me.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: Of course, I know that I'm not objective, but I
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: think I am pretty good in terms of self assessment.
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: I've spent five years studying it as my PhD and
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: other things, but I'm you know, when I do a gig,
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: I finished the gig, and I'll talk to Melissa, who
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: runs my life, and she'll go, how was it? And
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: I'll literally give her a number, and it's an out
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: of ten assessment. And if I've crushed, it might be
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: an eight and a half or a nine, or if
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: I was dogshit, which I'm not too often dogshit these days,
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: but it could be a four. But if I was
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: just like okay, but I wasn't super happy, It'll be
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: a six, you know. And so that when I say
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: I'm an eight or an eight and a half in this,
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: there's no real arrogance attached to that. That's just my
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: my experience of it. But there are other things on
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: that list that I I wouldn't give myself that score.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: Side note, I'm going to start giving myself a score
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: out of ten. Every presentation that's a that's a gold one.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: So pick one or two others where you don't score
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: as well, I would.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Say, not work, but more business development, like I am,
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: I'm shit at I'm shit at business development. I just
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: because like I don't I'm not driven to make lots
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: of do I make good money anyway, And I'm very
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: grateful And there's no ego in that. It's like and
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: for a long time, didn't make a lot of dough,
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: and then I ended up with personal training centers that
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: was more just great timing than great business skills because
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: I literally had the only one in Australia. Right, So
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: if you've got the only one of something, then you fail.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: You're fucking terrible. Right. So you remind me of Frank
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: Walker National Tiles. If all you do is tiles. He's
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: a billionaire.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: Frank Walker, is he? Yeah, he's literally a billionaire. We're
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: trying to get him a conference entrepreneur conference I'm involved in.
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: And yeah, they said to me, he is literally he's
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: cleaned up. And that's not his voice. He did his
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: first radio ad. It's like it's Frank Walker. They said, no,
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: I just got to be something different. So it's like
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: Frank Walker National Tiles apparently speaks nothing like it. It
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: was just a caricature they created with the radio station.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's interesting.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: Sorry, I digress.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: I just think for me, like business development all that stuff,
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: like I end up like this. This is I mean,
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: this is a very little example. I shouldn't even say this,
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: but fuck it, I'll throw myself under the bus. So
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: yesterday I coached this lady who for her to be
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: coached by me is not easy, it's not cheap. So
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: she'd I guess saved or whatever it's like, and booked
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: in a session with me. And I did a session
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: with her, and it was good, it was productive, it
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: was she enjoyed it. But we got to the end
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: of the time, We got to the end of the hour,
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: and she's just there was so much more to go through.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: And I knew that it would take her another you
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: know whatever, that she couldn't afford another session next week
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: or probably next month. And she was crying, and it
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: was like it was very emotional. But I knew that
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: I'm one of the few people in the world I
• 41:52
  Speaker 1: guess that she felt comfortable to just because she trusts me,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: but we're not friends. She trusts me, but we're not family.
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: Going to share anything that she shared, right, so it's
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: a safe space. And she was just open and vulnerable
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: and honest and a little bit fractured. And I couldn't Andrew,
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: I couldn't go. Her name's not Donna, but I couldn't go. Okay, Donna, Well,
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: time's up, have a great life, you know, all the
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: best over an now Craig Harper there to do it.
• 42:23
  Speaker 2: You would have been there hour knowing you No.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: No, I can't. And I had an appointment. I said,
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: all right, I said, this is what I want you to do.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: I said, January. First week in January, send me an update,
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: tell me what's going on. I gave him my phone number,
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: which is a big no, no, you don't fucking do that.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: I gave him my phone number. I said, send me
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: an SMS. I said, don't be the crazy person who
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: rings me at night drunk. Don't do that or just
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: block you, but send me a message. And I said,
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: a day or two after that, we'll do another one
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: of these. And she's like, oh, but I go no
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: cost And she's like, really, you know so, and I
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: know that's not a big deal, but I I you know,
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: I for me, it's a real dichotomy. I know I've
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: got to make money. I know I've got to build
• 43:10
  Speaker 1: a business and brand. Could I fucking I can't say well,
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: I can say no because I have to. But yeah,
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: so sometimes I'm I'm probably less entrepreneurial than actually serves
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: me from a business sense, but in terms of my
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: my values and my internal sat NAV I'm pretty comfortable
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: with it.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: Can I dig into that a little bit? Yeah, when
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: I heard you talk about in adverted Cooma's Donna, that's
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: that's the right thing to do. I do Similarly, you
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: don't coach and teach and open studios and work with sport.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: We've had a similar career trajectory. You had much, much,
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: much bigger businesses and personal training. But we like people,
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: so we're not assholes. But there's a little bit of
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: that where I go, Okay, let's tease out because dichotomists
• 43:58
  Speaker 2: thinking is I've got to be nice and I can't
• 44:01
  Speaker 2: make money. So it's not either or either I'm really
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: nice to Donna, or I'm a capitalist pig and I'm
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: an asshole and I drive around get picked up in
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: a Bentley and I hyphenate the surname.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: Harper Smith. That's a great harp a smile.
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: Smith is much better. So to me, it would be
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: not either or it's and so how can I help Donna?
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: And so if you're saying on your BD your business
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: development is not as great, but you are great at storytelling.
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: You're great at building a tribe in a community, you
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: are great at having authentic, open conversations. I'm one of
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: many regulars who come on and have learned a lot,
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: and we want to drink the harps kool aid as
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: well as be ourselves. But how do you get out
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: of your own way? That would be my thoughts, mate,
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: Like there's a U two song I love, get out
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: of your own way? How do you do what you
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: do best? And then maybe get someone to come in
• 44:52
  Speaker 2: and be your business development manager and go right, turn
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: this shit upside down, treat me as a product and
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: just modetize it.
• 45:02
  Speaker 1: This is what I'm like. If I've got I've got
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: a workshop, like I did a workshop this week, two nights,
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: three nights ago, Tuesday, I don't know, fuck Tuesday or
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: Wednesday anyway, Wednesday night, I did a workshop, so two
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: nights ago. And this is how bad I am. I've
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: got a bunch of things coming up. I don't want
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: to talk about those things that I've got coming up
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: to the group because I don't want to look like
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: I'm selling them anything. I don't want to be. I
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: don't want to. I don't want them to think that
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: I ran this cheap workshop which was twenty seven dollars
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: fifty or twenty seven bucks to the general public online,
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: So it was online. I didn't want them to think
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: that this was a carrot to get him in the door.
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: And look now that you hear everybody, but ah, you
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: know which, it wasn't that. But I hate that, like
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: that makes my skin crawl. And so it wasn't that.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: It wasn't that. And do you believe that you help
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: other people genuinely to improve their lives?
• 46:01
  Speaker 1: I think I do, but I don't know, Andrew, I have.
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: This do you get regular feedback.
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: Run with me?
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I feel like the psychologist in something about
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Mary or but there she goes time she's up. Let's
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: delve into that one next time. Shall we just putting
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: on that thread? And I know it's your podcast and
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: I'll go back to being the guest at the moment,
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: otherwise I'll never be a guest on your party again.
• 46:34
  Speaker 2: But it's interesting in this activity and even that that's
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: a great example for your listener, just even that that
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: question on self reflection on working career. Yeah, what is
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: it around business development? Tease that out a little bit.
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: There's a real opportunity for you to get someone to
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: come in and do it authentically.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: And even if you're like that.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: You could just sort of step aside, go I don't
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: like the money stuff. Say here's Cheryl. Cheryl comes out
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: and goes, hey, Harps has got a program on. We're
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: at Raban into weeks time. We're going to do all
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: this stuff. Come and see me after. It's only five
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: hundred bucks. Yeah, change your life.
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: Look, you're right, you're right, I mean, I just I have.
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: I tell you what makes my skin crawl. People who
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: present themselves as the answer, like, I fucking hate that
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: so much. And people who say this is going to
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: piss off a few people because a few people that
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: listen to me do this. Oh ah, well fuck it,
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: they say, I change lives. Like, no, you don't, bro,
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: No you don't. Maybe some people change their life because
• 47:36
  Speaker 1: you said something that was of value and well done,
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: and maybe you were a tool or a resource or
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: just a tool.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: I'd say just a tool. If you go it around
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: saying like change lives.
• 47:46
  Speaker 1: Well, it's like literally, I have a look on Instagram.
• 47:49
  Speaker 1: There's so many people who talk about how many thousands
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: of lives they've changed. I go, I've never changed one.
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: The only one I've changed is me. I can't get
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: out of bed for people. I can't have discipline for people.
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: I can't make the decisions for people. I can't be
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: resilient for people. I can't be brave for people. They've
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: got to do all that themselves. And if there's some
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: you know, kind of benefit from listening to me and
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: then they choose to turn that theory, because all I'm doing,
• 48:19
  Speaker 1: all you and me are doing right now is espousing
• 48:22
  Speaker 1: ideas and words and theories. And if someone listens to
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: us and then they choose to go and make a
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: decision and do a thing and create shift and create
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: a positive outcome, will there'll be ninety nine people that haven't.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: So neither of those are because of you and me,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: So I've got a couple of parallel thoughts I want
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: to stitch together. And one random thought. You published a
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: bunch of books, my first book, which is called Flip
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: the Switch in New Zealand. Every time I was doing
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: your talk and said bestilling author of Flap the Swatch.
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: So I always kick all about Flap the Swatch. And
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: I had books and the company had bought one hundred
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: and fifty books for a bunch of bankers, And this
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: lady said oh, we signed your book. And I made
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: some sort of jokey you don't want me to sign
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: your book. It won't be worth anything when you try
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: and sell it, and she I bore me and she said,
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: young man, why would you write a book if you're
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: not proud to put your name on it? And she
• 49:20
  Speaker 2: grilled me. She said, is this book full of good content?
• 49:22
  Speaker 2: I said, absolutely? Has this book taken you a long
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: time to put together? It's probably ten or fifteen years,
• 49:27
  Speaker 2: she said, own it? And when someone asked you to
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: sign signed. From that moment, I got out of my insecurity,
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: my phobo, fear of other people's opinion, my thoughts of
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: my mates from Dubo, Mario, Ego, Dino and Lapo. And
• 49:39
  Speaker 2: you can't make this shit up. And he's a big
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: head sign in books thinking he's a hero. They're not there,
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: she was, And it was like this metaphorical slap. Why
• 49:50
  Speaker 2: don't you own it? Now, let's stitch that back together.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: Your content's awesome. What's your potential? Nina James, big tits
• 49:58
  Speaker 2: and a squeaky voice, harps love you all coming along
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: here today. You know I'm a shit salesperson. I'm horrible
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: and I have people ask me all the time and
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: I don't do it anything, So step aside. So if
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: any of you would like to come to the program,
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: here's Bugsy. Bugsy's got something to say. You totally do
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: it authentically. You don't have to be there in your
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: teflon suit and your gold tooth. But wait, there's more. Yeah,
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: so how do you reckon that could work?
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, look you you're right, you're right. I need
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: to I need to get better at that. I need
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: to get Look, we're going to wrap up, but before
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: we do, you need to unpack yours. So yours was
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: a courtesy of me telling you what it was, community and.
• 50:46
  Speaker 2: Security in spiritture. Yeah, before I wrap, can't help it?
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: Go how powerful is self reflection?
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: Amazing?
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: Like just because we created the space and there's trust
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: and you went down the rabbit hole and then go yeah, yeah,
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: well your reflection as you run the year, you could
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: get Bugsy the gold tooth and test on suit and
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: you're going to make more money. It's not for the money,
• 51:09
  Speaker 2: but more different, it's more impact, all right mine?
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: Right now, part of me wants to give you a cuddle,
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: and part of me wants to tell you to fuck off.
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: So you're welcome.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so can we talk about the fuck off bit
• 51:21
  Speaker 2: ha ha.
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: Because you're making me deal with shit, you know, but
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: it's exactly what I need. Yeah, you're right. It's like
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: you are right, Like there's nothing that you're saying about
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: me in this moment that is not true. It is,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: it is true. And I still like when I say
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: to people I'm still insecure, I'm not saying that because
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: that sounds humble, like that is true, you know, I know,
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: you know. And there's this, as I've said before, there's
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: this ability we humans have to feel inadequate while knowing well,
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not inadequate, but I feel inadequate, you know. So
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: they can coexist that emotional negative with that intellectual kind
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: of positive, you know. And it's I mean, I don't
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: know about you, but I still get up or before
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: I get up, if I'm doing a big gig to
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: a big audience, and there's still part of me that goes, well,
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: today's the day you're going to fuck it up. It's
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: all going to come undone today today. I'm like, well,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: of course, you know, after seventeen million fucking gigs, this
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: will be the shit one. And this will be my demise.
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: I think if you don't have it's that version of
• 52:30
  Speaker 2: imposter syndrome I spoke to you about last time. If
• 52:32
  Speaker 2: you don't have any imposter syndrome, you're a narcissistic asshole.
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: If you have too much imposter syndrome, it's stabilitating. And
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: I get this every time I start with a new
• 52:40
  Speaker 2: sporting team or a new exec team. I was with
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: a big insurance group last week with I bet the CEO,
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: but he's executive team. I walk in there every time
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: I start one of these gigs and go, what do
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: I know about insurance? What do I know about working
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: in rugby union? What do I know about doing a podcast?
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: But you want enough imposter syndrome, but you're alive. It's
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: like Locks and the Three Bears. This amount of impotster
• 53:02
  Speaker 2: syndram is just right. And I think the wrestle with
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: that it's healthy. It's really healthy. And so back to
• 53:09
  Speaker 2: your question, mine was stopped deflecting. Mine was community and
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: spirituality that you gave me. I've divided it because I
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: think they are quite different. In the answer, I'm going
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: to give you a community. I've given myself an eight
• 53:21
  Speaker 2: spirituality five the community. Back ten years ago, I was
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: involved with Combank. I'd had a bike ride for two years.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: We went from Sydney to Newcastle in the year two,
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: which was twenty and twelve. Out of the twenty four
• 53:36
  Speaker 2: people thirteen, so more than half from Combank. Another guy
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: i'd met, Quentin Boys, ragged me up a week after
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: that said mate, can I join your bike ride next year?
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: I said, why don't you sponsor it? He said, what
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: do you mean? I said, you got a little bit
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: more on your balance sheet a Combank than I do.
• 53:50
  Speaker 2: My business back then was called the Performance Clinic. So
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: we had a coffee put an idea together. We do
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: a community ride to a three day ride. We took
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: it to Matt Common, Matt now CEO at that stage
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: he was running Retail Bank. Matt said, look, I love
• 54:03
  Speaker 2: the idea. We're looking at doing something for engagement community.
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: He said the biggest risk though is safety. So mazy,
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: ye know, how do You're not going to be to
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: run through the small business so we need someone to
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: work with just It was absolutely SERENDI but it's two
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: weekends later I was up visiting my mum and dad
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: at Swansea outside Newcastle. Where they used to live. I'm
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: in Cole's on a Saturday night and I run into
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: Bruno Monroel, the chairman of Tour.
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: To Qre Mazy.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: Bruno in the fruit and ved section. Mate, what are
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: you doing? I said, I'm seeing mom and dad. What
• 54:33
  Speaker 2: are you doing? I've got a held a holiday house.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: He said, no way, do you bring your bike?
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: Went for a ride the following morning stitch together the
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: idea went back to Matt Common said, yes, that's ten years.
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: I go. Now.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: Can for Cancer is a three day bike ride. Every year.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: They do half marathon walks every major city and they've
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: got regional ones they can do online. They had a
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: swim this year and also a team marathon. That little
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: idea has now twenty million dollars that go straight towards
• 55:02
  Speaker 2: two to Cure to help fund research for cancer breakthroughs.
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: Wow, that's incredible.
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: So when we had our ten year this year and
• 55:09
  Speaker 2: out of on the bike ride there are only four
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: of us that have done all ten. I just went,
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: I'm so proud of COMBAK because they get beaten up
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: and I've been saying it so it's all about money
• 55:18
  Speaker 2: in the banks, and this is something that they do
• 55:21
  Speaker 2: that's literally impacted so many people, so twenty million dollars
• 55:25
  Speaker 2: so on community, I feel like I really belong with
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: that tribe, and I'm so proud of what that group
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: and had part of the idea at the start, but
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: to be there from the start and see where it's
• 55:38
  Speaker 2: come now and how Combank have really made this. It's
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: their biggest community activity and now what they're looking at
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: and we're helping them behind the scenes on this because
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: is they've hit about seven thousand employees this year, seven
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: and a half thousand employees. To go the next level,
• 55:52
  Speaker 2: they're looking at donating plasma to try and get fifteen thousand,
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: so it's still the next evolution. So from a community point,
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: I feel totally engaged with that. From a spirituality, a
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: very good looking, very intelligent, very skillful dude that you
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: put me in contact with, Josh Peterman. I interviewed Josh
• 56:09
  Speaker 2: last week, so thanks for the connection, and Josh gave
• 56:11
  Speaker 2: a very different view on spirituality. It's not about religion,
• 56:15
  Speaker 2: but it's about that connectivity and how you connect with
• 56:18
  Speaker 2: the world around you. So is Josh's frame. I need
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: to work on that to work on for me and
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: I make the excuse. I've got four kids, run a business,
• 56:27
  Speaker 2: do keynotes, work with a few sporting teams, love Chatna Harps.
• 56:31
  Speaker 2: But it's an area that I'm going to do more
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: work on as a reflection. Just is it going to church? No,
• 56:40
  Speaker 2: I do go to church twice a year because mum's
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: devastated if I don't. It's just more thinking about what
• 56:46
  Speaker 2: else is out there?
• 56:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exploring that. I grew up in a very religious paradigm,
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: as we've I think covered on But for me, you know,
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: the ever present theme in most it's some stage in
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: most theological texts is love. And I just think that
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: the way you treat people can be a form of
• 57:11
  Speaker 1: you know, spiritual practice. How you are, how you show
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: up in the world, how you love people, whatever that
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: looks like. You know, how you connect, how you communicate,
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: how you listen, how you care, how much empathy you
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: have and express, and not in a strategic sense because
• 57:28
  Speaker 1: you're trying to be spiritual, but just because that's an
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: expression of who you are and how you are. And
• 57:34
  Speaker 1: you know, for me, a part of my spiritual expression
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: is having a purpose bigger than me, because I am
• 57:41
  Speaker 1: inherently selfish, so there's this model that I kind of
• 57:46
  Speaker 1: developed out of a bunch of other models, but it
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: starts with self reflection and self awareness, and number seven
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: is self actualization and number eight is self transcendence, which
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: is essentially just having a purpose bigger than you. So
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: I think, yeah, I think you do it, mate. I
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: think you're very kind and generous, and you're very plugged
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: into people and also being like I think you can be.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: You know that. I don't think kindness and love always
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: needs to look all fluffy and more. You know, sometimes
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: kindness is going, Hey, mate, I know you don't want
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: to hear this, but this is what I think. And
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: I know a fair bit about this stuff. And I'm
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: telling you because I would love you to live twenty
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: years longer than you're probably going to at this point
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: in time.
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting. I like how you flip the coaching.
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: And I don't think it needs to be well, where's
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: your DreamCatcher? Bro? Where are your fucking sandals? And it
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: doesn't need to be. It doesn't like I you know
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: that idea is not a bad idea, but I don't
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: think that like I think that the I think if
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: you can war can talk and live for the most
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: part your values and if your values part of them
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: are rooted in love and kindness and generosity, and when
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: appropriate selflessness go, that's just you know, that's you just
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: being a conscious, aware, evolved, spiritual being, just walking around
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: in a biological spacesuit.
• 59:24
  Speaker 2: Two things on that one is I'm totally on purpose.
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: I've got a clear purpose, and we know the research
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: on purpose, a clearly articulated personal purpose. It's got to
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: be bigger than you, future focused and excite the living
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: daylights out of it. So with work and sport, I'm
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: totally on purpose. What I take out of what you've said,
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: I need to build in more time. How ironic is
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: this I'm getting on to say, Hey, we've all got
• 59:45
  Speaker 2: to look in the review mirror my reflection, on our reflection.
• 59:48
  Speaker 2: I just need to spend a bit more time and
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: create some space to think a bit more about the
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: connectivity and what is that?
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, like this is what I think about. Like
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: right now, a whole lot of people are hearing you
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: for the first time, and I know you're going to
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: share this on your show, so there'll be some people
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: who are hearing me for the first time and they
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: can never ever hear you or me for the first
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: time again, ever again. You know there's only one first time.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: There's only one first impression, and without being manufactured and strategic,
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: it's like when somebody it's like today, this is what
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 1: I was thinking about, how a tiny thing for me
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: can have a massive impact on someone else. Right. So,
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we've shared it, because we started
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: this podcast twice. I don't think we talked about Joe
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 1: Ingles on this, but I interviewed Joe Ingles, who is
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: an NBA player, and one of my friends their kid
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: is a budding basketball or a young girl and Indy
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: Luski shout out to Indy and she's twelve and she's
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: in a state team and she still a stay team
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 1: for football and she's a fucking little superstar. Right. Sorry
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: for saying fuck to her mum, but I thought, how
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 1: good would it be if I could get an NBA player,
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 1: one of Australia's best ever basketball is a multiple time
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Olympian blah blah blah, to give a shout out to
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: this little girl. And I said at the end we finished,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 1: I said, mate, I hate to be cheesy, it's not
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: for me, but is there any chance, and he goes,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 1: of course, and so he goes, I'll just I'll just
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 1: do it into my phone when we finish, and i'll
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 1: send you the video. So he did this beautiful video
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: where he goes, hey, Indy, you know it's Joe Ingles
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: blah blah blah. You know, Hope, you're great. I've heard
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 1: about you. You're killing you know. And so it's thirty
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: two seconds. I think now. It took him thirty two seconds,
• 1:01:44
  Speaker 1: and it took me a bit of discomfort to ask
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 1: him because I didn't want to fucking ask him. Well,
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 1: it's just made.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: Her year, Like her mom like just was like, oh,
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: my good, best Christmas present you could possibly give a
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: young girl who's in the sport.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, and it's like, yeah, how good.
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: And I just made me happy to make her happy,
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: Like that almost gave me more joy than actually the podcast,
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 1: and I love the podcast. He's great. But yeah, I
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: think that, you know, I think that's how that that
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: spiritual component to your life can operate. It doesn't need
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: to be overtly fucking dreamcatchery or caf Tanny or you know,
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 1: it's like I don't yeah, and in fact, you know
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 1: The irony is that telling people that you are spiritual
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 1: is fundamentally not spiritual because there's ego in that. You know,
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 1: there's there's self in that. You know, there's like, it's such,
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: it's quite ironic.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 2: See, we've got deep, haven't we. We've reflected and haven't
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 2: we looked at us? Yeah, I just want to tell
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 2: that I love you, Andrew. And I just want to
• 1:02:55
  Speaker 2: tell you that.
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 1: Hey mate, tell my group we're got to wind up.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 1: We're going to wind up. I'm taking up your whole night.
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: Tell my people how they can connect with.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 2: You on socials at Andrew may is the Handles and
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: our website is Performance Intelligence dot com.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 1: Perfect. But I appreciate you. You're always a superstar. You're
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 1: very generous with your knowledge and your insight and your time.
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 1: And I'm sorry I made you do a quarter of
• 1:03:21
  Speaker 1: a podcast only to start again to do another podcast.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: My apologies.
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: It's a really good test, am I practicing relaxation?
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: That was good.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 2: I really enjoy our chats and just in finishing for
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 2: your audience, We've ducked and dived and dodged and all over.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: But the red thread through all of this is reflect
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: the red thread through all this is don't just roll
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 2: into Christmas and whatever you're doing in Christmas and then
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: just go right. I've got to set goals for a
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: new year. It really is powerful to look back a
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 2: little bit. And this could be linked to gratitude as
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: well and appreciation for what you've got. I've just found
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: out the few years mate, it's really helped me and
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 2: my clients. So for your audience, just that discipline. We'll
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 2: send that link so they can go to your show notes.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 2: Just you know, spend twenty minutes, thirty minutes, grab a
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: cup of two or a coldie over Chrissy and just
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: look back in the review mirror before we ramp up
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 2: for the year ahead.
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 1: Perfect finish, mate, Thank you. I'll talk to you off air,
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 1: but for the moment. Thanks for being on the new
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: project again.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: Pleasure buddy,