Latest / In Her Own Name / Permission to Receive: Jo Lightfoot on Sexual Energy, Sovereignty and Getting Your Mojo Back

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Permission to Receive: Jo Lightfoot on Sexual Energy, Sovereignty and Getting Your Mojo Back · In Her Own Name

0:13
Good afternoon, good evening, good morning, wherever in the world you are.
0:16
Welcome to another episode of In Her Own Name.
0:19
Now, you know who I am.
0:20
I'm Lillian Ogbogoh, and I am your host for the show.
0:24
Today I am joined by Joy- Jo Lightfoot.
0:28
Joy, cannot speak this afternoon.
0:31
Jo Lightfoot.
0:32
Now, she's an award-winning speaker, trainer, coach, and she
0:36
is the woman and goddess behind the brand The Human Battery Charger.
0:41
Her mission is to re-energize ambitious women who feel drained or disconnected and
0:47
plug them back into their innate power.
0:49
Basically, she talks about giving women their mojo back,
0:52
and in this world, we need that.
0:54
Now, she came to this in, when her own world took a deep turn.
0:59
In 2021, her life collapsed.
1:01
Divorce, the fallout of COVID, mentally, emotionally, and financially drained.
1:06
She spoke about stepping back, not to retreat, but to recharge,
1:11
and what she found in that space changed everything for her.
1:15
Today, she's a new mom in her 40s living in her dream home with three, three,
1:20
people hear it, three thriving businesses.
1:23
T- we're gonna find out how she did this, so let's begin.
1:25
Hey, Jo.
1:27
Hey, so nice to see you.
1:29
How you doing?
1:30
I'm really good.
1:31
I'm really good.
1:32
Good.
1:32
All the better for being here.
1:33
Ah, I'm so glad.
1:34
So now let's talk about this, because I met you speaking at the Women Who
1:39
Earn event, and you were talking about being the human battery charger.
1:45
Yeah.
1:46
Where did that name come from?
1:48
I wish I could say it was me.
1:49
I, I totally nicked it off somebody else.
1:51
Not who had the name, but someone who called me it.
1:54
Right.
1:54
And I sort of ran with it.
1:56
Uh, so I was on a podcast many years ago, and, um, it was my friend Amy Rollinson,
2:02
and she has a podcast called Focus on Why.
2:04
And she… I've been on it a couple of times, and I think it was the
2:07
second time I went on it and she said, "Oh, to be around Jo is to be around
2:11
energy," or something equally lovely.
2:13
Mm.
2:13
And then she said, "It's like being around a human battery charger."
2:16
And I was like, "I am stealing that." You know, trademarked later.
2:22
Uh, here we are.
2:23
So yeah.
2:24
Nice.
2:24
And, but, you know, I felt like it was aligned.
2:28
I love that, and I love the fact that your friend was able to, actually give you a
2:31
name that actually fits and to anybody who's seen you speak in the wild will know
2:36
that it is an accurate description of you.
2:39
You are full of energy.
2:41
And, you know, and we talk about the work that we do and where you are
2:44
right now, but in 2021 everything looked a little different because
2:48
there was divorce, obviously there was COVID, you had financial pressures.
2:54
What exactly happened and what was going on for you at that time?
2:57
Oh, it's tough.
2:59
I mean, yeah, a divorce for anyone who's listening who has,
3:04
uh, been through it, it's tough.
3:07
Mm.
3:07
It calls everything into question.
3:09
It calls certainty into question and especially as a woman, I think you just…
3:14
The resilience that's required to sort of emotionally navigate, financially
3:18
navigate, uh, you know, and th- this was all around COVID and, uh, my partner
3:23
and I had actually decided to split on the 7th of March, 2020, and then I
3:26
think it was like the 23rd or the 24th-
3:28
Wow
3:28
we all went into lockdown, and we still had to live together for a few months
3:31
and it was just, ugh, it was really hard.
3:34
And I think what made it particularly hard was that we, we had been
3:40
bound together because of trauma,
3:43
um- Mm
3:44
… for, for he'd, he'd had a brain hemorrhage years before, so that kind of trauma,
3:48
the rehabilitation, as much as it was a, a very bonding experience, it was also
3:53
a very, you know, divisional experience.
3:55
It sent us off in two very different directions as, you know, me being the
3:58
witness of it and the carer and him-
4:00
Right
4:00
… being the recipient and, you know, the, living that, that, that horrible
4:03
trauma and, you know, trying to find a new normal on the back of it.
4:06
And sadly, I think it was the end of us.
4:08
Um,
4:10
and so his need for security, my need for freedom,
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um- Mm
4:14
meant we did go our separate ways on, on, on lovely terms I have to
4:17
say, but it's probably one of the hardest things I've ever gone through.
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And so yeah, when COVID got thrown in the mix and everything that I knew that was
4:27
stable and certain was suddenly taken away meant a real- change in how I, operated.
4:37
And I did.
4:38
I, just sort of went into myself.
4:39
I didn't wanna be visible.
4:40
I didn't wanna be charging anyone else's human battery.
4:43
I just wanted to be kind of behind closed doors and re-energizing
4:46
really, and taking stock of everything, and that's what I did.
4:50
Yeah.
4:52
And you know, it, it's funny because that in itself was that awareness where
4:57
you were like, I cannot be the person to charge anyone as a woman to actually…"
5:04
And I say this because we're so programmed into even at the point that we are
5:08
exhausted and depleted, we still serve.
5:11
Yeah.
5:12
And we saw that during COVID.
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Women were doing that to the Nth degree.
5:16
Mm.
5:17
And you decided, "Nope, I'm done.
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I need-
5:19
Mm
5:19
… I need to recharge." And someone will say, "What's the difference
5:22
between retreating and recharging?"
5:26
Hmm, that's a really good question.
5:27
I think retreating is when you are just- I think it's a very, it
5:33
can be a very passive activity.
5:34
Mm.
5:35
It's where you actually need to stop.
5:38
Yeah, and I, there's, listen, there's space for that.
5:40
There is space for that.
5:42
But, for me it was about asking questions, and for me it was about deep reflection.
5:48
It was quite an active time, but it was a very solitary time.
5:51
Mm-hmm.
5:51
So it was about closing off all the noise and but it wasn't
5:55
about stopping, it was about-
5:57
Right
5:58
… you know, my mind and my body actively healing.
6:02
That's, and it, that was work.
6:05
It was, it was work.
6:06
It was a deep, hard look at myself.
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Um, it was therapy.
6:10
Um- Right
6:11
… it was, um, oh, God, it was physical exert- I, I got in the
6:16
best shape of my life, you know?
6:18
Yeah.
6:18
I, did.
6:19
I just, I, was physically investing in myself.
6:23
Mm.
6:23
Right?
6:24
And, um, and I was doing a lot of reading and, researching and, I
6:30
was, you know, exploring myself.
6:33
It was just a real time of, active healing.
6:36
That's the best way to describe it.
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Whereas a retreat is much more a pause on life, I think.
6:41
Yeah.
6:42
And I think there's … And, I like the fact that you, can articulate
6:45
the distinction between both, and that need and understanding
6:48
that you can actually help women navigate both of those journeys.
6:53
Yes.
6:53
And it's not saying that one is wrong or right, but sometimes you need that
6:57
helping hand to decipher where you are so that you're not lost in, the swamp of,
7:04
where you, are as somebody retreating.
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Because when you retreat, then that's when you stop showing up, even for yourself.
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You can't.
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You can't perform.
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You can't operate on a flat battery.
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And-
7:16
Mm
7:16
… you know, as much as … Look, there was a, a lot of recharging that was going on.
7:20
I'm a one of many certified woman's coach-
7:22
Yeah
7:22
… and one of the terms that we talk about is, when you're in superwoman.
7:26
And superwoman, you know, she, she exactly, she is there.
7:30
To the rescue.
7:30
She has her cape on.
7:31
She's like, "Family, you need me?
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I'm there.
7:33
Work, you need me?
7:34
I'm there, and I'm better than everybody else." Family, friends, you know,
7:38
the best friend, the best daughter, the best sister, the best niece,
7:40
the best c- you, you name it, she is all of those things all at once.
7:44
And there will come a point where she is just so burnt out
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that she stops functioning.
7:48
And I don't think I was at that point.
7:52
My battery was low, but it wasn't completely flat.
7:55
Mm-hmm.
7:55
And I think if your battery is flat and it's completely … It is retreat, it
8:00
is re- it is to replenish initially.
8:02
Yeah.
8:03
The re-energizing is, like, phase two of that, and I, I guess that's where I was.
8:06
Um, so yeah, I, um, there's a distinction there.
8:10
I wasn't in superwoman, I was just, uh, in need of just kind of re-energizing.
8:17
And that's a good thing.
8:17
And I'm glad the world is better for it-
8:20
Mm-hmm
8:20
Because you are here doing the work that you do.
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And in that, in that space of re-energizing, reconnection, finding your
8:29
voice and finding yourself, you uncover the connection between sexual energy,
8:33
creativity, confidence, and leadership.
8:36
Mm-hmm.
8:36
Now, when we talk about sexual energy, especially when we talk
8:41
about sexual energy and leadership, most people go, "So that's a HR
8:45
conversation waiting to happen."
8:47
Yeah.
8:48
How do you navigate the conversation when you stand in corporate
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to talk about sexual energy?
8:55
Mm. It's to make it safe- Mm
8:59
and understood first and foremost.
9:01
Um, sexual energy is not, uh, it's not sex.
9:06
That, that's the first thing to say.
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So it's to kind of define it very clearly as it's the part of you that actually
9:15
lives inside and is your creative force.
9:19
It's your creative force.
9:21
I mean, that's what it boils down to.
9:24
And in order to thrive at anything, whether it's parenthood, whether
9:30
it's, your career, I suppose that's what matters to a lot of people-
9:34
Yeah
9:35
you have to, tap into a part of you that allows you to be as powerful as
9:41
it does creative in order to achieve success, and that's where it lives.
9:48
That's where it lives.
9:49
It's that deep part, inside of you.
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And I learnt through personal experience during this time of restoration and
9:58
recharge that the two are intrinsically connected, that my perceived success,
10:03
'cause that's all success is-
10:04
Mm
10:04
you know, it's irrelevant what anyone else thinks, it's your perceived
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success, directly correlates to how attuned I am to the creative
10:13
primal energy that lives inside me
10:18
And that's the thing because, you know, we can actually just stay
10:22
here and talk about sexual energy till literally the cows come home.
10:28
I think there's a lot of confusion because right now when we say sexual
10:31
energy, when people talk about it, there's instantly stuff that comes to mind.
10:36
Mm.
10:37
You know?
10:37
And it's usually not safe for work.
10:39
There is an idea of a way of being.
10:43
But when we think about the sexual energy at its core-
10:47
Mm
10:47
… like you said, has nothing to do with sex.
10:49
Mm.
10:50
Has that vibration and energy.
10:52
Mm.
10:53
So when you stand up in rooms, that look like the banks of the world,
10:58
we not gonna call any names, but-
11:00
Mm
11:00
… how do you help a woman who has had to Out-men the men in the room-
11:08
Mm
11:09
… to, to feel like she has to be taken serious.
11:11
Mm.
11:11
Tap into her own sexual energy when literally she's living from here upwards.
11:17
Oh.
11:17
What is the first thing you say to her?
11:20
Stop out-menning the men in the room.
11:23
Mm. So, you know, women, look, our leadership is different.
11:28
Mm.
11:28
It doesn't look like the leadership that we're taught is important, okay?
11:33
Leadership traditionally is defined by, it's, quite individualistic, because , it
11:38
sits within a masculine paradigm, right?
11:40
It's, about, you know, individualism, it's about achievement, it's
11:43
about competitiveness, and it's about financial success.
11:45
Those generally are what success is perceived at.
11:49
Women, as much as we are successful, our power, it looks
11:54
different and it feels different.
11:56
We are collaboration.
11:58
We are nurture.
12:00
We are a much more yielding form of leader.
12:04
It's no less powerful, 'cause you say the word yield and you suddenly think,
12:07
"Oh my God, she's weak." It's not.
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You know, it's, it's not a weakness.
12:12
You think about how water as a body of liquid moves, it can shape
12:18
mountains, it can cut riverbeds.
12:20
It is so strong.
12:21
Yep.
12:21
But it is a different form of leadership, right?
12:24
And trust me, if there were more female leaders out there, this nonsense
12:28
that's going on in the world right now would be completely different.
12:30
We'd be handling it a whole different way, trust me, right?
12:32
Oh, yeah.
12:33
I absolutely agree.
12:34
And just, to give a frame of lead- because we're talking about leadership
12:38
and people might be sitting here thinking, "Well, it's just abstract.
12:40
There's no difference in leadership." I always point to one person.
12:44
Mm.
12:44
And I find as a leader, if, if there's a leader to say he has tapped
12:49
into feminine leadership skills-
12:51
Mm. Mm
12:51
… he is the one that has done it quite well-
12:53
Mm
12:53
… is Richard Branson.
12:54
Interesting.
12:55
Yeah, I see that, 100%.
12:56
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:57
Yeah.
12:57
'Cause the man was like, "I know this much about flying a plane."
13:03
Mm.
13:03
"But I want an airline, so I'm gonna find my people-"
13:07
Mm-hmm
13:07
… "who do know."
13:08
Collaboration.
13:09
And use… Yes.
13:10
Mm.
13:11
His business format has always been from a collaborative standpoint.
13:15
Mm-hmm.
13:15
And I look at him and I go, he's using all the things that we're talked out of-
13:19
Mm
13:19
… as women-
13:20
Mm
13:20
… when we are in corporate spaces.
13:22
100%. His, his ego, uh, he's got one I'm sure, you know, but it's, it's very
13:26
much like a, "I can't do everything on my own. I've got no interest in doing
13:29
everything on my own. Who do I know who has that zone of genius around them,
13:33
you know, in every element that I need to take this forward that I can work
13:37
with in order to create this vision?"
13:40
That's very, very female, you know?
13:42
That's-
13:42
Yeah
13:42
… like how do we nurture, how do we bring together, how do we collaborate?
13:46
Now applying that into the sexual energy context, look- Sexual energy
13:50
is not about exploiting yourself.
13:52
Yeah.
13:52
It's not about being, physically or sexually overt.
13:55
It's none of those things.
13:56
It's actually tapping into a power that lives within you.
14:00
It's about, it's what I call, or it's what the We Know The One Of
14:03
Many framework certainly calls your lover, your lover energy.
14:07
Now, when you stand up in front of a room or you're in an interview situation
14:12
or you're in a space where you want to have influence, when you are so
14:15
completely centered with your femininity, your sensuality, that translates into
14:22
your confidence, your persuasiveness, your ability to engage, your ability
14:30
to, um, create life in a room.
14:34
It is an absolute pure energy that you bring, and it is all about
14:39
stepping into that part of yourself where you are just feeling your body.
14:46
You are completely and utterly in tune with your body, how it works,
14:51
how it stands, how it looks, how it smiles, how it holds a posture, how it
14:56
engages, the charisma that you have.
14:59
And as soon as you start to physically attune yourself, it is like putting
15:05
on a creative … It's putting on a cloak of creative power.
15:10
Yeah.
15:10
It has the ability to persuade, to influence, and to change.
15:15
And-
15:18
If you remember from the talk where you and I first met, I talked about a
15:23
question I always ask in a corporate space is, you know, what makes somebody sexy?
15:27
You remember that question, right?
15:29
Yes.
15:30
And very rarely do people come back and say, "Oh, green eyes, you
15:33
know, dark hair." It's, you know, no one cares about that, right?
15:35
Yeah.
15:36
Because actually, the traits that are important to people are
15:39
things like humor, confidence-
15:43
Yes
15:44
… um, smile.
15:47
So, like, that sort of, like, that, that, that energy that you give when you smile.
15:50
The way somebody walks, the way somebody stands, their fragrance, their smell,
15:55
whether it's natural or artificial.
15:58
Hmm.
15:58
It's their turn of phrase, the way they pronounce words.
16:02
All of these things come from that primal awareness of who you are and how you are.
16:08
And when you can radiate that from your inward self, where you know
16:12
yourself so intimately, it's that intimate relationship with yourself-
16:16
Yeah
16:17
and bring that outward into a room where you are so completely aligned with who
16:20
you are, your authenticity as a human being, that's sexual energy, baby.
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It's got the power to create.
16:28
I absolutely love that, and we are actually talking about
16:30
my love language right now.
16:32
And the thing is, sometimes people may find it hard to tap into.
16:36
Mm.
16:36
So here's what I would ask, because we've actually defined it.
16:39
We've given it a, shape, a form.
16:41
Mm-hmm.
16:41
We talked about the inner lover, and a lot of women, again, we're
16:44
not gonna go into it, but we have been, should I say, dissuaded from
16:50
connecting with our inner lover.
16:52
We won't, go back and talk about Eve, but, you know, we've been-
16:55
Yeah, that evil woman.
16:57
Allegedly.
16:57
Apparently, yeah.
16:58
Allegedly.
16:58
Yeah, allegedly, a woman who never spoke managed to turn
17:01
the whole world upside down.
17:03
I mean- That's a different conversation that we will come
17:07
to.
17:07
Mm-hmm.
17:08
But since women are detached from their inner lovers-
17:13
Mm
17:13
… if you were to give them two minutes of your time and say, "Here's one way
17:17
to tap into that lover before you walk into an interview," what would it be?
17:21
Dance.
17:23
Dance, dance, dance.
17:27
Dance is a beautiful, powerful thing, and that's multifaceted.
17:31
Mm.
17:32
You cannot be confident in any space unless you are physically
17:37
comfortable with yourself,
17:39
right?
17:39
Yes.
17:40
So be- getting into your body and out of your head is part of
17:45
the connection process, right?
17:47
Now, often people think that when you dance, you should connect to a piece of
17:51
music that is like, you know, uh, if I've gotta be confident, it's gotta be kind
17:56
of like, yeah, I've gotta be in there.
17:58
And it's like a, I don't know, like a 1980s power ballad or something.
18:02
You know what I mean?
18:03
Like, and we can build this thing together.
18:06
No, we're not talking about that sort.
18:08
Like, it's like I'm talking about something that simultaneously… I'm al-
18:14
I mean, listen, my hips are moving just-
18:16
Mm
18:16
… just talking about it.
18:17
Like, that simultaneously relaxes you into your femininity, right?
18:23
Mm.
18:23
So just that song.
18:24
So, um, often a piece of music that I play at events is, you
18:29
know, Fever, Peggy Lee, right?
18:31
'Cause it's got that dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
18:36
And you can't help it, your body will- Yeah … just start to move.
18:39
Will move.
18:39
And what it does is it takes you out of your mind.
18:42
And as women, the mental load that we carry is so heavy, and it will
18:47
get you into your physicality, right?
18:50
So, and when you're doing that, I say to women, you know, feel
18:53
your arms, touch your body, feel the outline of your breasts.
18:58
Go down the, silhouette of your body.
19:00
Just feel yourself-
19:01
Mm
19:01
and ground yourself, and really stand in that beautiful rhythm.
19:07
But also, if you connect to lyrics or a certain melody that, you know, really, or
19:12
a rhythm that gets you into that space, because what that does is it centers you.
19:17
It doesn't, like, jack you up, so you go into-
19:19
Mm
19:19
… , a pressured space or, you know, a confrontation with a partner.
19:23
Yeah.
19:23
It actually calms you, you know?
19:26
And it gets you into thinking, "What makes me feel good?
19:29
What lights me up?" It works.
19:33
It works
19:34
I love that.
19:34
My song for that-
19:36
Yeah, what is it?
19:37
I mean, I love Fever.
19:37
Fever is beautiful.
19:38
Mm.
19:38
But I like Cream by Prince.
19:41
Oh, Cream.
19:44
Mm, mm, mm. Delicious.
19:47
For all the reasons.
19:48
All the reasons.
19:49
Yeah.
19:50
You know?
19:50
Yeah, I love that.
19:51
And it was, it, it's so funny because for me, that song is, is,
19:54
one, it's a beautiful song, and people misunderstood the song.
19:57
Uh-huh.
19:57
People didn't realize that he wrote it for himself.
19:59
Mm.
20:01
So when he's saying that you're the best, then he's talking to himself.
20:04
Mm.
20:04
And so because I know that and, like, so when I play that
20:06
Cream, I'm like, "Get on top."
20:09
Mm.
20:09
And especially that guitar riff in it, you're like, "Yeah."
20:12
Mm. Mm.
20:13
And everything moves, and then you can move.
20:15
Mm. Yeah, it does, it just, it does something very powerful.
20:18
It just makes you feel very physically powerful.
20:23
Connected.
20:23
That is the… And connected, and exactly that.
20:25
Yeah.
20:25
In tune with yourself.
20:27
And, something else, I mean, we talked about this when you and I met.
20:30
In fact, it's something we certainly connected on, 'cause you were like,
20:33
"Listen, sister, I've had this thought," and I've talked about
20:36
this myself in my own business.
20:38
Yes.
20:38
Is underwear.
20:40
You know-
20:40
Oh, yeah
20:40
… your choice of underwear.
20:41
Oh, the underwear . i tell people, if you're going into situations-
20:46
Mm-hmm
20:46
… mine used to be the red underwear set.
20:49
Yes, yes, yes.
20:52
The red underwear set was, like, my equivalent of Batman's utility
20:57
belt- … and Superman's cape combined- … because you couldn't
20:59
tell me anything about anything.
21:01
That's what I need.
21:02
Leave me alone, I am the greatest.
21:04
Why?
21:04
'Cause I had these things on, and I would walk into any room like-
21:09
Yeah.
21:10
And it's, it, because underwear is, it's so many things, right?
21:14
It's a gift to yourself.
21:15
Yes.
21:15
Right?
21:16
And listen, for ladies listening out there, I'm not talking about the really
21:19
uncomfortable, cheese string, lacy things-
21:22
No
21:22
that, you know-
21:22
No, no, no, no
21:23
… 'cause for some women, that might be your, you know, that
21:24
might be comfortable for you.
21:25
But your underwear has to feel like it fits, but it's also-
21:29
Yes
21:30
… so you.
21:31
The color, the material.
21:33
It has to feel comfortably sensual.
21:36
Yes.
21:37
It shouldn't be detracting from anything.
21:39
It should be enhancing what's already there.
21:41
Because listen, it's not the underwear that's doing it for you.
21:44
It's how it makes you feel, which is then translating to how you-
21:48
Absolutely
21:48
… then conduct yourself.
21:50
And that is a great access point.
21:52
So dancing is one way, the underwear you wear, because it's a gift.
21:56
Which gifts make everyone feel great, right?
21:58
Exactly.
21:58
So it's a gift to yourself, but it's a conduit.
22:00
Yes.
22:01
It's a facilitator.
22:02
It's, it brings out the energy that you already have.
22:05
'Cause trust me, if you put on your best underwear, and I'm talking
22:07
top and bottom, you will walk different, you will talk different.
22:12
Absolutely.
22:12
You will conduct yourself in a manner that is so deeply invisible, 'cause it's
22:16
also kinda sexy knowing you've got that on and no one else knows you've got it on.
22:19
Exactly.
22:20
It's like this-
22:20
Oh
22:20
… you know, this is the thing, I used to do it so much that it became my thing.
22:25
And I, I've, I've spoken on stages about it, and I was like, the red underwear-
22:29
Mm
22:29
… is the access point for me to go, "I am the badass in the room-
22:34
Mm
22:34
… so please everybody take notes."
22:36
Mm. Mm-hmm.
22:36
And doesn't mean I'm doing the most.
22:38
Mm.
22:38
It just means because I feel this way, I can stand in any room-
22:43
Mm
22:43
… and I'm like, "Okay, so, uh, what's happening?"
22:45
Mm-hmm.
22:46
Mm-hmm.
22:47
I own myself.
22:48
I'm physically worshiping myself-
22:50
this is like, this sovereignty.
22:51
It's the sovereignty that comes with it.
22:52
Yeah.
22:53
And there's a real femininity to it as well.
22:55
It's a very, it's a real celebration of your, of your feminine power.
22:59
Um, and it's completely invisible.
23:00
That's what I love, is it's not for the gaze.
23:03
No.
23:03
And I don't mean gaze as in the gay people out there.
23:05
I mean-
23:05
Yeah
23:06
… the, the, the male or female gaze that would objectify you.
23:08
No, it's not for anybody's optics 'cause the only person seeing it is you.
23:11
That's it.
23:12
And it's a real, it's a real inner sense of knowing, and there's just, there-
23:16
there's something very uninhibiting about it, that it just, it translates.
23:19
And you know, like I always say, with energy, it's a very powerful
23:23
thing because, you know, energy in any form, it cannot be created
23:27
and it cannot be destroyed.
23:28
Mm.
23:29
It cannot be.
23:30
It can only be transferred or transmuted, taken from one form to another.
23:36
So it al- you have to understand that this energy that you have-
23:40
This driver, this creative force, this power, it's already there.
23:46
Mm.
23:46
You're just bringing it out.
23:48
Dance, underwear, conduits.
23:50
Yes.
23:51
This is true.
23:52
And I love the simplicity of it and … 'cause sometimes we overcomplicate.
23:56
Mm.
23:56
Now, we're gonna come back to this, because if we stay on this
23:58
topic, we will be here till-
24:01
Oh, years
24:01
… end of time.
24:01
We'll be here for years.
24:02
Yeah.
24:02
Yeah.
24:03
End of time.
24:04
So I will, I will move us along because as much as I want to stay on this, I
24:08
have so many other questions for you.
24:09
Because, you know, within a year of your divorce, so within a year of
24:12
everything, you've rebuilt your career.
24:15
Mm.
24:15
You've chosen a new partner, created a life that once felt was not for you.
24:21
No.
24:21
What was the … What made that different in this time?
24:25
Mm. That's a really good question.
24:29
What made it different?
24:31
Mm. Aha.
24:33
It's really interesting, actually.
24:35
Um, and it does link to the sexual energy piece, because part of the, the struggle
24:42
that I'd had in my, marriage was it was a sexless marriage for a lot of reasons.
24:47
There was definitely a natural incompatibility there, but there was
24:50
also, you know, when somebody becomes incredibly unwell through brain injury-
24:54
Mm
24:54
it changes the dynamic.
24:55
You know?
24:55
It … You become a more of a mother-son carer, and nothing
24:58
kills that relations- that, that dynamic than those roles, right?
25:04
And I … That part of me had died, and what happens is when that sensual
25:10
part of you dies, it can cause all sorts of physical problems.
25:14
So for me, I actually developed vaginismus, where you're
25:17
physically … secondary vaginismus, where you're locked down.
25:20
Like, so physically- Mm … nothing is getting in.
25:23
Oh, wow.
25:23
And that means that you cannot be intimate with anybody, and what
25:26
that does is it creates shame.
25:29
It creates, And when you have shame you want to hide.
25:33
Yeah.
25:33
And it feels like you're masking, and it also stops you from being vulnerable.
25:38
Mm.
25:38
It doesn't allow anybody physically or emotionally to come in.
25:43
And I think with the motherhood just seemed like something I would never
25:48
experience, because I had mentally said, "Well, it's not with the right
25:50
person, therefore it will never happen."
25:51
Um, relationship-wise, I kept everybody at arm's length, because I was just like,
25:56
"I, There, there's too much." You know, I'd shut … All my walls were up, and-
25:59
Mm
26:00
… that also meant that I financially was not inviting opportunity.
26:06
And therefore, you know, I wasn't in a great financial shape either.
26:09
And by physically
26:11
By, being so sexually shut down, I was actually c-
26:18
shutting everybody else out, if that makes sense.
26:21
And I wasn't- It does … achieving the success that
26:23
I knew I could.
26:25
And then as soon as I gave myself two things, the gift of healing that we
26:30
talked about, that time to recharge-
26:32
Yeah
26:33
… and I healed myself through all the different efforts that I put in.
26:38
And the second thing was I gave myself permission.
26:41
So it was a, readiness and a, and a preparedness to receive.
26:46
Those were-
26:47
Great
26:48
… two things.
26:49
My life changed.
26:50
I met somebody who was my equal.
26:54
I … Motherhood was … It w- I mean, look, it wasn't expected, but it happened
26:59
and, um, and happened again on the back of a very positive experience,
27:03
very close, in close succession.
27:05
And I gave myself permission to listen to my mind and body and allow
27:10
myself to be vulnerable, which let me tell you something, is when you
27:13
tap into that central and primal part of yourself, is the key.
27:17
Mm.
27:17
It is allowing yourself to be vulnerable in order to be strong.
27:20
And part of that is letting, I mean, you know, you could use sex
27:23
as an analogy, letting somebody in.
27:26
And, that all of that happened, and I saw changes in every sphere of my life,
27:32
, my personal and my professional life.
27:34
And, it changed everything.
27:37
I absolutely love that.
27:39
I absolutely love that transformation and just even looking at how you have
27:44
connect- all the dots that connected and from the shame and everything
27:48
and what that does to your money.
27:50
And I can tell you a lot of women are in that spot right now because
27:55
a lot of it is there's a lot of shame around money right now for
27:58
women- Oh … who are going through, redundancies, work change and all-
28:02
Mm-hmm
28:02
… sorts.
28:04
I love that, and I love that you are, you are doing the work that
28:07
you're doing right now because it's going to help a lot of women-
28:10
Mm
28:10
unlock-
28:11
Yeah
28:12
… for themselves.
28:13
And
28:16
you are doing this, you're doing this work in person.
28:19
You're a speaker.
28:19
So you, like we said, you have three thriving business.
28:23
You are a mother at this point.
28:25
So how are you managing your own energy-
28:30
Mm
28:30
… with having to be so many things at so many t- simultaneously?
28:35
Mm. It's a really good question.
28:37
Um, I mean, it's tricky.
28:39
Look, it's tricky.
28:41
But, there's a few thing it comes down to.
28:43
First of all- It's knowing your values.
28:49
I think that's really important, and I, use values in a couple of ways here.
28:53
Um, values for anyone who… There's, look, there's, look, there's lots of
28:57
fad-y stuff out there about values, but values, they aren't just one thing.
29:01
So you-
29:01
Mm
29:01
… as a human, you have your own core values, right?
29:04
Yes.
29:05
So you know that as a person, what's important to you, right?
29:10
Yeah.
29:10
And people have between five and eight values, right, that just drive their life
29:15
and th- it, it creates a lens through which you make decisions, make moral
29:20
decisions, know what's right and wrong-
29:22
Mm
29:22
et cetera.
29:24
But there's also success values, you know?
29:27
Mm.
29:27
And success, again, we've been told through, you know, I guess that masculine
29:31
paradigm that success comes from, like, how much money you make, and it's just
29:34
like what career you have, and, like, you know, all those individualistic and
29:39
competitive, markers of achievement.
29:41
And, for me, success values are quite different.
29:44
And again, I, credit, Amy Rollinson here, my friend who, you know,
29:48
runs that podcast I told you about.
29:49
She, she is very clear on success values and why the metrics for
29:54
success should be different, that they aren't just around money and success.
29:58
Yeah.
29:58
And I have success values, so what I… My success values are impactful
30:03
contribution, yeah, performance, and that's more the kind of, I
30:07
guess, the flamboyant element of me.
30:09
You know, did I get to express myself, right?
30:11
Yeah.
30:11
Creativity.
30:12
Well, that definitely links to, you know, the, sensual energy, the sexual energy.
30:16
Freedom and fun, right?
30:18
Mm. And if I get to the end of my day and I have achieved any number
30:24
of those, hopefully more than one, my day has been successful.
30:29
And so I'm always looking through those lens of my core values and my success
30:35
values to make sure that I am operating in a way that is the most aligned
30:40
with me as a human being, so that when I get to the end of the day, I know
30:44
I've been the best mother because I'm in line with those values, you know?
30:48
Yeah.
30:48
I've been the best coach because I've been aligned with those values.
30:52
And I found that really helpful, and having awareness of that gives you a
30:56
metric, and give you a metric to follow.
30:58
I love that.
30:59
Mm.
30:59
I love that.
31:02
Just even just that whole thing about the value-
31:06
Mm
31:06
… and value systems, the fact that you have your basic values and then your
31:10
success values, and I think being able to differentiate and, change those
31:15
values, because values can be changed.
31:17
Oh, they can shift.
31:18
They can be updated.
31:20
Mm.
31:20
So the, the success values is something that I'm sure not a lot
31:24
of people and not a lot of coaches are talking about right now.
31:26
Mm-hmm,
31:27
yeah.
31:27
And I think that's the difference.
31:28
Mm.
31:29
And even I, I'm sitting here going, "Yeah, what are my success values?"
31:33
Mm. Mm.
31:34
'Cause I have values, but-
31:35
Mm
31:35
… I haven't actually looked at whose version of success am I running?
31:41
Absolutely.
31:42
And, you know, like with your values, remember, they … It's a,
31:45
very smart thing to break them down from the overarching core values
31:50
that you have- Mm … right, into the different areas of your life.
31:54
So relationship values-
31:56
Yep
31:56
. Health values, and success values.
31:58
Some people call them career values.
32:00
I think that can be quite limiting.
32:02
I think success, because success can be achieved in all those
32:05
areas, you know, if you want it-
32:06
Exactly, and more
32:07
… and more, right?
32:08
Yeah.
32:09
So yeah, it's great, and again, like I, shout out to Amy.
32:12
You know, if anyone is out there thinking, "Hey, I wouldn't mind a bit of, knowledge
32:16
around that," she's a great coach.
32:17
She's a success coach, and she's fantastic.
32:19
So it's … She's given me clarity on, on that.
32:21
We will, mention her in the show notes.
32:23
Great.
32:24
And, offline if you give me her, her socials, we'll throw
32:27
it in there as well so that-
32:29
Great
32:29
… we can mention her even though she's not on the show today.
32:31
Yeah, no.
32:32
We want to give her the props, and, and-
32:34
She's get- she's getting a lot of a shout-out today.
32:38
Well, maybe you need to speak to her and tell her to come on
32:40
the show, because, we've- Yeah
32:41
already spoken about her, so she might as well.
32:43
And she can, and then she can rave about me, and we'll just be like a-
32:45
Exactly.
32:45
See?
32:45
See?
32:45
It's-
32:45
Yeah.
32:45
Brilliant.
32:46
Love it.
32:48
All right, now we're talking about the show.
32:50
So on the show we have something where we talk about reclamation.
32:53
Okay.
32:53
Of voice, space, and identity.
32:57
And with everything that you've gone on, every journey you've gone on since
33:02
2021- Mm … what was that moment when you stopped apologizing for who
33:06
you were and just showed up fully?
33:10
Mm. God, that's … I love your questions, Lillian.
33:14
Thank you.
33:14
They're so good.
33:15
When did I stop apologizing?
33:18
Mm.
33:20
I'm trying to think of like if it was a moment or if it was a, a
33:24
series of events that led to that.
33:27
Do you know, I actually, think it was when I discovered I was
33:34
pregnant with my first child.
33:36
I think it was then.
33:38
Mm.
33:38
And the reason I say that is because for the first time I had a new awareness of,
33:46
number one, what my body could do, um, number two, what priorities looked like.
33:54
Mm.
33:54
And what I had done up until
33:57
The way I had lived my life up until that point was very much tethered
34:01
to, , a geography, a way of living-
34:05
Mm
34:05
… that didn't serve me anymore.
34:09
Um, and it was suddenly like, okay, so this is, happening.
34:13
This is who I am.
34:15
This is going to change my identity.
34:18
It's going to change everything.
34:19
What decisions do I now need to make that serve this?
34:25
As opposed to, oh, God, if I move, I'm leaving if I leave London, I'm
34:29
leaving my parents, and they need me.
34:32
Mm.
34:32
You know?
34:32
And oh, my God, my brother, I have a severely disabled brother, and it's
34:35
like if I, if I do this, I'm selfish and I need to be, make sure I'm on hand
34:40
if my parents need support with him.
34:41
And all of a sudden I was like, "How do I find a way where I can be of service to
34:47
the people that I love, they … I'm still present with them, but I'm serving me?"
34:53
Mm.
34:53
And that was a massive, massive shift for me, and I gave myself permission
34:58
to receive love from my partnership, become a mother, and change location
35:02
to follow that new chapter in my 40s whilst still honoring my family
35:09
that I'd always been so close to at home, and it's worked, you know?
35:13
Nice.
35:13
Um, whilst also creating space to grow my businesses and not just
35:16
kind of, you know, get sucked into this new chapter, you know-
35:23
Yeah
35:23
… 'cause you can get lost.
35:24
You can … Listen, you can get lost in motherhood and partnership.
35:26
Oh, Christ, you know, you can.
35:28
Yeah.
35:28
And it was like, how do I … And so, uh, yeah, I did.
35:31
I, was like, how do I create balance here?
35:33
That was my moment.
35:35
Yeah.
35:35
Mm. I like that.
35:37
Now, looking at your journey, looking at Jo the human battery charger today-
35:44
Mm
35:44
… the woman that you were, looking at everything that you've come
35:48
through, what would you whisper or shout to your 18-year-old self?
35:56
Oh
36:00
For sure.
36:01
I would just say be kind to yourself.
36:05
That inner critic that you have that just
36:11
It feels relentless in her point of view, you know, that I've listened to when I've
36:17
not tapped into my, gut instincts, um, and I've allowed noise to get in the way.
36:23
Other- and also she takes on other people's voices.
36:25
You know, "Don't listen to her. She's not helpful." Trust your instincts.
36:32
Mm.
36:32
Trust them.
36:33
They won't … Trust that feeling that, that, that, that feels right.
36:37
Even if you can't tangibly put words to it, she's not gonna steer you wrong.
36:42
Mm.
36:42
Trust yourself.
36:43
Trust yourself.
36:45
Yeah.
36:46
Beautiful.
36:47
And to close us out, what is bringing you joy lately, even if it's something
36:51
small or completely unexpected?
36:54
I should say motherhood, but you know what?
36:55
That just, that does its thing.
36:56
I love it.
36:57
It's, amazing.
36:58
Um- I actually, it's my business, I have to say, at the moment.
37:03
Um, because, you know, my mission as a, human battery charger is to reenergize
37:09
women who just feel tired, confused, lost, to find clarity, reenergize,
37:17
and perform at their best, right?
37:19
Mm-hmm.
37:19
And I am witnessing the most incredible transformations with my clients at the
37:24
moment because of the coaching work that I'm able to do in partnership with them.
37:30
And it's creating … I mean, I said my success values are, you know, one
37:35
of them is impactful contribution.
37:37
I'm living that reality every single day.
37:39
You know?
37:40
And that is, , the fulfillment is, is, is amazing.
37:44
So yeah, that's what I would answer to that question.
37:47
And that's a beautiful answer, and thank you.
37:49
Thank you for sharing that.
37:50
And I think I believe that you are making that impactful contribution.
37:54
You, when you spoke at the Women Who Earn, it was just incredible.
37:57
We couldn't get the women to leave.
37:59
Um- Yeah … they wanted to stay and spend more time with you.
38:01
So- Yeah … absolutely, I know that's who you are and what you do.
38:05
And with that, I wanna say thank you for being on the show.
38:08
I would love to have you back where we can sit and just pick one of the topics
38:11
and just sit on it and talk for hours.
38:13
Right.
38:14
I'd love to have you back.
38:15
But most importantly, I wanna say thank you for the work that
38:17
you do and the contribution-
38:19
Mm
38:19
… that you're making.
38:20
Thank you.
38:21
That's very kind of you.
38:22
And thank you for having me on.
38:24
It's been a joyful, joyful-
38:27
Ah
38:27
… and energizing conversation.
38:29
I love that.
38:30
I love that.
38:31
Now, folks, this is a wrap.
38:32
You know what's gonna happen.
38:34
I'm gonna tell you to go and share it, like it, listen.
38:37
We're gonna put Jo's details in the show notes so that you can connect with her.
38:42
But if you wanna connect with her right now as you're
38:45
listening, how can they find you?
38:48
Um, the best place to find me actually is on, um, all of the socials.
38:51
I'm Jo Lightfoot Official.
38:53
So if you put Jo Lightfoot Official into LinkedIn, Facebook,
38:56
or Instagram, I will pop up.
39:00
So yeah.
39:01
Awesome.
39:01
If, and or if people want to email me directly, it's jo@jolightfoot.co.uk.
39:08
Okay, so you've heard it there, so you know how to connect.
39:11
Reach out to her and connect, because women, this is the, time we've
39:15
reconnect and, and find our mojo.
39:17
It's not just about, oh, yeah, because I can go on and make
39:20
money or do what the other things.
39:21
Those are great, but it's about you.
39:24
How are you showing up and being impactful for yourself first before others?
39:28
And with that, I'm gonna say it's a wrap.
39:31
See you on the next show.