Latest / Privycast / Ep. 69 ”Honesty that Gets You in Trouble” with Josh Wehrman (Privychat 10)

Transcript

Ep. 69 ”Honesty that Gets You in Trouble” with Josh Wehrman (Privychat 10) · Privycast

0:01
>> Speaker A: That's so great. It sounds like you're just
0:04
ripping a b.
0:05
>> Speaker B: Yes.
0:15
>> Speaker A: Welcome back to privy. Privy is a
0:18
podcast about bathrooms recorded
0:22
against all better judgment from
0:25
a. I'm on
0:27
location, uh, again this week, and I'm
0:30
joined. Um, well, actually, no, I'm
0:33
joining my friend Josh,
0:36
uh, in his home bathroom. Josh,
0:39
how are you doing?
0:40
>> Speaker C: Good.
0:40
>> Speaker B: Doing good.
0:42
>> Speaker A: How do you feel about, uh, what
0:45
I've done to your bathroom here?
0:47
>> Speaker B: I can honestly say I never thought I'd be talking into a
0:49
microphone while.
0:50
>> Speaker A: Sitting on my, uh,
0:54
exact, um. That's the exact
0:56
vibe that we want to just give everyone.
0:59
>> Speaker B: Pants are up, but I am on the toilet.
1:01
>> Speaker A: And you know what's interesting is people feel the
1:04
need every time I record them to say that, and I'm
1:07
okay with it, and I'm glad for it. My pants are also
1:10
on right now.
1:13
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:13
>> Speaker A: So I have a number of things, and
1:16
I think you know a little bit about kind of where it's
1:19
going, because I have some very specific questions about a life
1:22
event that you just had happen. But do you?
1:25
>> Speaker B: Hashing old wounds?
1:26
>> Speaker A: Yeah, just
1:29
yanking the bandaid and then dumping the lemonade
1:32
onto the wound.
1:34
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:36
>> Speaker A: Um, but we can start wherever. I don't know if you have
1:39
any, um, pertinent bathroom stories. I also have a
1:42
number of questions that we ask everyone, but before we do that,
1:45
tell me, because I know you a little bit.
1:48
We work together at the high school. We work with
1:50
students. Um, but
1:53
who are you, and where do you come from?
1:56
What's your deal?
1:58
>> Speaker B: My deal?
1:59
>> Speaker A: The meanest way you can ask that question.
2:02
>> Speaker B: My name is Josh. Um, I'm
2:04
married. My wife also works at the school. I have two kids,
2:07
a third on the way. Um, just recently had some
2:10
surgery done. We'll get into that, I'm sure.
2:13
>> Speaker A: Superb.
2:13
>> Speaker B: Um, big time golfer. Enjoyed the last
2:16
episode, so that was fun. Um,
2:19
yeah, that's kind of it.
2:22
>> Speaker A: Your wife has the astute, or
2:25
whatever the opposite of that pleasure is to
2:28
get to hear this nonsense through the wall. So
2:32
bless, um, her.
2:33
>> Speaker B: Uh, it's going to be so much fun. When
2:36
we're done, I walk out, and she's just like, what the hell was that?
2:39
>> Speaker A: Yeah, it's going to be even better when it's
2:41
public.
2:42
>> Speaker B: And, uh, everyone knows my
2:44
bathroom stories.
2:46
>> Speaker A: That's right. Uh, no. And at any time,
2:49
feel free to pull the rip. Uh, can.
2:52
I can do editing.
2:53
>> Speaker B: Open book.
2:54
>> Speaker A: I'm okay at it.
2:55
>> Speaker B: Open book over here.
2:56
>> Speaker A: So, I did have a question. So you
2:59
came from Colorado. Uh,
3:02
so tell me about that. I want to know about
3:05
Colorado? Because I have a question.
3:07
>> Speaker B: I lived there for nine years. My dad worked for the
3:09
prison. My mom worked for a pizza
3:12
place. And that was, I mean,
3:15
what's the.
3:16
>> Speaker A: Name of the pizza place?
3:17
>> Speaker B: Pizza madness. I don't know if it's there anymore, but it was right
3:20
downtown. Canyon City.
3:21
>> Speaker A: All Canyon City pizza.
3:24
>> Speaker B: Colorado, not Oregon. I'll find my state.
3:26
>> Speaker C: Don't worry.
3:27
>> Speaker A: It's okay. Um, I went to
3:29
Seattle this weekend and like nine times to
3:32
nine different people, I called Seattle Center,
3:35
Salem center, like an idiot. And every
3:37
time they're just like, where's this
3:40
backwoods nerd from? Okay, cool. So, Canyon
3:43
City, um, when you lived in
3:46
Colorado, was Colorado still the
3:48
stereotypical weed state?
3:50
>> Speaker B: I don't remember it that way. Like I said, I was only there till I was nine.
3:53
So for me, no, not so much. I don't know.
3:56
Um, there was a few
3:58
prisons within like, 10 miles of where I
4:01
lived. So most of the time
4:04
I didn't pay much attention to it just because it
4:07
seemed easier. Just be a kid. Don't do that.
4:10
>> Speaker A: Well, yeah, but I feel like the culture
4:13
has assigned
4:15
Colorado as the place where that comes from.
4:18
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I think that's a newer thing. I don't
4:21
remember it being a big thing when I was there. M. That's
4:24
good. Yeah. I mean, there was a lot, like, in the
4:27
small town I lived in, there was like nine bars, maybe ten.
4:29
>> Speaker C: Perfect.
4:30
>> Speaker B: And not a whole lot of people
4:34
like their alcohol.
4:35
>> Speaker A: Yeah, I hear that. Um,
4:38
similar story. My town had six
4:41
bars and no post office, so I hear it.
4:43
What brought you to Oregon?
4:46
>> Speaker B: Family. Yeah, family.
4:47
>> Speaker C: Cool.
4:48
>> Speaker A: They just moved that.
4:48
>> Speaker B: Yeah, pretty much all my family. I mean, my mom's side lives in
4:51
Texas. All of my dad's family
4:54
was here.
4:55
>> Speaker A: Sweet. Hey, there you go. Well, and then, uh,
4:58
we met at the school
5:00
and began, um, working
5:03
together. And it was really great just
5:06
to share too,
5:10
really. I used to work with this guy named Chris. He's
5:13
a good guy. I still see him quite a bit, but I didn't
5:16
have that almost cool connection
5:19
with a coworker since Chris until
5:21
you moved into the spot. So I was super pumped and
5:24
am super pumped for this next.
5:27
>> Speaker B: Excited?
5:28
>> Speaker A: Yeah, it's going to be year. This last
5:30
year you had a surgery. Uh, and by that, I mean you
5:33
had two surgeries. Tell us a little bit about what
5:36
you had happen to you and
5:38
specifically, um. Oh, by the way, this episode is
5:41
brought to you by neutering, uh, your
5:44
pets. Um, don't forget to get your pets
5:46
spayed. And neutered. So, yeah, go ahead and tell us about your
5:49
surgery.
5:51
>> Speaker B: So I, uh, was moving a chair, went
5:54
to slide it with my foot, felt a pop, kind of.
5:57
>> Speaker A: It was a big chair.
5:58
>> Speaker C: Yes.
5:58
>> Speaker B: It wasn't like a swivel chair. It was like
6:01
a big old lazy boy
6:04
chair. And I went to slide it, something
6:07
I do on a regular basis, moving furniture,
6:10
and, uh, just felt a little pop. Thought
6:13
maybe I pulled a muscle. About a month went
6:16
by and was like, yeah,
6:18
that's not getting better. It's not getting much worse,
6:21
but it hurts. And, uh, I
6:24
don't want to hurt anymore. So we went into the doctor's
6:27
office, and the doctor was like, hey, you got a
6:30
hernia, man. Uh, we probably
6:33
need to get this fixed. And I was like, well, will it take care
6:35
of itself? And he was like, no, it'll
6:38
either be there and you'll be in pain, or you're going
6:41
to get rid of it. So that was
6:44
fun. And I had never had surgery up until that point. I
6:47
had never had any surgery before.
6:50
>> Speaker A: You always remember your first.
6:53
>> Speaker B: I hope not to. Although if you'd have asked
6:56
me after the surgery, I'm not sure I could have told you about the.
6:59
>> Speaker A: You and Motley crue were vibing after the
7:01
surgery from what hear, but, um. So
7:04
you had hernia. So
7:07
you also, during your hernia surgery,
7:11
went in for a twofer
7:13
and had your giblets fixed.
7:16
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I, uh, will say I was on
7:19
the lucky end of that. Most people that get their vasectomies done, they're
7:22
awake and they're aware of what's going on. And
7:25
I've heard stories of people
7:27
feeling a little bit of it or
7:30
smelling some of the. Because they
7:33
caught. Yeah. And so I
7:36
was lucky enough that I was asleep and they did my
7:38
hernia surgery and my vasectomy at the same time. So
7:41
it came out and everything was taken
7:44
care of and I didn't have to be awake for any of it. I
7:47
just remember saying, look, if you guys cut off something that's not supposed to
7:50
be cut off, just leave me asleep. Just call it, pull
7:53
the plug, leave me asleep.
7:57
>> Speaker A: You needed the extra digit down
8:00
there.
8:00
>> Speaker C: Mhm.
8:01
>> Speaker B: Very sore. Very sore.
8:03
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
8:04
>> Speaker B: Um, go ahead.
8:05
>> Speaker A: No, you're good. Um, did it affect. And I
8:08
know a little bit, but feel free to share too
8:11
much. Um, did it affect your bathroom
8:14
life at all?
8:14
>> Speaker B: Like, oh, dear God. Um, so
8:17
we get home, I'll just give you the story.
8:20
>> Speaker A: Perfect. That's it.
8:22
>> Speaker B: We get the surgery done, and I'm in the hospital. And they're like,
8:25
hey, uh, you have to go pee before we can let
8:28
you go home. And I'm like, all right, cool, easy. Let's get up and go
8:31
pee.
8:31
>> Speaker A: Easiest thing you've ever done.
8:32
>> Speaker B: No, I needed help out of the bed. I needed
8:35
someone, basically, to carry me to the bathroom. And then my
8:38
wife. I'm a nervous peer. I'm a shy
8:40
peer. I don't like peeing with people there.
8:44
So my wife's like, do you want
8:47
me to stay in with you? And I was like, look, this isn't happening if you
8:50
stay in here with me. Just stand outside the
8:52
door. And so she closes the door, she's like, all
8:55
right, I'll check on you in a minute. And I'm standing in there, and
8:59
I've never had a problem peeing before, but post
9:01
surgery, Josh, it just wouldn't
9:04
happen. Like, I'm standing there, I'm looking at the toilet,
9:07
I'm looking around the bathroom, and then I hear a
9:10
knock, and they're like, you've been in here a while. I was like, it
9:13
feels like it's been, like, 10 seconds. What do you mean I've been in.
9:15
>> Speaker A: You're making it worse.
9:17
>> Speaker B: It literally feels like I've only been here, like, maybe
9:20
1015 seconds. And I get out and
9:23
couldn't go, so I was like, well, okay. They're like, well, you can't go home
9:26
until you go. So I was like, well, I guess let's go lay down. And
9:29
they. Somewhere in all that, I
9:32
had a pudding cup. And, um, there's a video of
9:35
me floating around out there where I'm singing
9:38
something about a pudding cup and
9:40
Cruz involved. And
9:43
it's. But so eventually
9:46
I do go to the bathroom, and that was absolutely.
9:51
Oh, yeah. I went, went. I just had to go
9:54
pee. So I went pee, and that was the most
9:56
painful pee of my life.
9:59
>> Speaker A: Like, Bernie,
10:02
um.
10:03
>> Speaker B: Like, someone's just constantly flicking the tip, if that
10:06
makes sense. I have no other way of
10:09
explaining it than that.
10:10
>> Speaker A: Not the tip.
10:11
>> Speaker C: Yep.
10:11
>> Speaker B: Just the, uh.
10:14
Like, I was like, okay, I've peed. Get
10:17
me the hell out of here. My ass straight to be at
10:20
home. So then we get out to the car, and
10:23
Kayla still being the trooper she was because
10:26
she's pregnant and she's babying me the entire
10:29
time. This is all happening. So she gets me into the car,
10:31
and we're driving home, and
10:34
I'm still gone because I'm all
10:37
high on my medications, having a good old time.
10:40
And then we get home, and she
10:43
gets me in the house and basically gets me into the
10:46
bed, and I'm gone. Like, I'm asleep for the next.
10:49
I don't know, probably close to 24
10:52
hours. It's just been in and out of sleep. And then
10:55
every once in a while, I'd get up to pee and had to relive the
10:57
nightmare that was that.
10:59
>> Speaker A: Oh, so this was, like, for a bit.
11:01
>> Speaker B: Yeah, this was probably a
11:03
week I was in pain. It
11:06
gradually got better. But
11:09
if you're anybody who has ever peed
11:12
and there's any discomfort or pain, it's. No,
11:17
uh, like, that went on, and, um,
11:21
then it was time. I was like, okay, it's time to take the
11:24
browns to the super bowl. Let's do this.
11:26
>> Speaker A: Wait, did you ever have a moment with the
11:29
hurt pee where you went? Is this
11:32
normal? Is this supposed to hurt?
11:34
>> Speaker B: They told me, okay, so my pre op appointment,
11:37
they told me that there was going to be pain, there was going to be discomfort,
11:40
there was going to be swelling, there was going to be. And I'll get
11:43
into this. Uh, the swelling was the worst part.
11:46
>> Speaker A: So good.
11:49
>> Speaker B: About a day goes by, and I'm like, all right, I need to go to the bathroom, I
11:52
think, and get up, go sit on the toilet, and
11:55
keep in mind, I can't sit
11:58
straight up because my abdomen's got three incisions on
12:01
it, and it's just. Everything inside is just a giant
12:03
nightmare right now. Like, I have no ab muscles at this point,
12:07
and Kayla's still just helping me in and out of bed.
12:09
And, uh,
12:12
so I'm sitting there and, you
12:15
know, let's push a little. Nothing? No, I couldn't
12:18
push a little. It was the most painful experience of my
12:21
life. And I was like, all right, going back to bed,
12:24
Kayla. And so that probably went
12:26
on where I'd go and try for, like,
12:29
two days. And then Kayla was like,
12:32
maybe we.
12:33
>> Speaker A: Need to get you a stool softener, increase the
12:35
fiber.
12:36
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
12:36
>> Speaker B: So I did that and took that,
12:39
and in the morning, probably at, like, eight,
12:43
let it marinate for a little bit, and, uh, I was like,
12:45
okay, I think I can push. By
12:48
this point, I'm, like, three days in, and I'm like, I think I can push
12:51
now. I think I've got just enough abs strength that I think I
12:54
can push if I need to. Sound like a
12:57
pregnant lady. No joke. No joke.
12:59
>> Speaker A: I make that joke with the current
13:02
situation, but that's all I can think.
13:04
>> Speaker B: Of when you say that.
13:05
>> Speaker A: Yeah, I'm ready to push.
13:07
>> Speaker B: Yeah. The stool softener
13:10
is doing its mojo I'm ready to go.
13:13
Mentally, I'm like, okay, this is my Everest. If I can
13:16
get up this mountain, I've
13:19
made it to the smooth sailing from there.
13:22
So then I get in there and it
13:25
happens. And when it happened, it was like one of those moments where
13:28
the angels came.
13:29
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
13:30
>> Speaker B: And I was like, yes, I did it. Well,
13:33
I go to lean to wipe and I have already used
13:36
all ab power I have. And
13:39
it was just this pain. It was like I went from
13:42
high as a kite, went to the bathroom,
13:45
felt good to going to wipe, and just
13:48
nothing. I was like, well, maybe I'll sit for a
13:50
minute because, uh, it just hurt. And
13:53
eventually I got through all that and got up and went to my
13:56
bed and laid back down for another 6
13:59
hours because that was all I could do. And,
14:01
yeah, once we got past that
14:04
point, it wasn't so bad. Other than the swelling, the
14:07
swelling, the swelling, the swelling.
14:10
Everything from basically my belly button down was just
14:13
a little bit swollen.
14:14
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
14:14
>> Speaker B: And then the boys were like, two
14:17
pineapples.
14:18
>> Speaker A: Excuse what now?
14:19
>> Speaker B: Like pineapple? They were huge. It was awful.
14:22
I couldn't lay them. Um, like, I'm a side sleeper.
14:26
I couldn't lay on my side to sleep because
14:28
there's too much there. So you got to lay with your
14:31
legs spread.
14:32
>> Speaker A: Oh, my God.
14:33
>> Speaker B: And now I don't know what of that was
14:36
vasectomy and what of that was
14:39
the hernia surgery. But they told me that both
14:42
of them were going to cause swelling down there. So it all just kind
14:44
of ran together.
14:45
>> Speaker A: So because you combo dealed it, it was like,
14:48
listen, you're going to have like we're
14:51
talking softball. Billiard ball.
14:54
Billiard. That's scary.
14:56
>> Speaker B: Right side like billiard.
14:59
Left side, softball. No way. It was bad. Oh,
15:02
my God. It was painful. It was like
15:06
the worst part of.
15:07
>> Speaker A: The whole thing, like a weird truck.
15:08
>> Speaker B: Nut physically was the swelling down
15:11
there. It was like getting past that.
15:13
>> Speaker A: Dude, you should get a set of truck nuts for your truck,
15:16
but get them sized for that moment
15:19
of your life.
15:20
>> Speaker B: I don't want to relive that moment of my life ever
15:23
again.
15:24
>> Speaker A: It would be fun for when people see the weird truck nuts
15:26
on your truck. They could be like, hey, why are they oddly
15:29
shaped?
15:30
>> Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
15:30
>> Speaker B: My nuts were swollen. I had surgery. Next
15:33
time I get surgery, I'll call you over and you can see.
15:38
>> Speaker C: I.
15:38
>> Speaker B: Don'T need to relive that.
15:39
>> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. So you have to have been
15:42
boxers only at that. There's not a
15:45
briefs that's going to situate that it
15:48
was mostly just like.
15:48
>> Speaker B: Basketball shorts and
15:52
spreading them and just hoping that I didn't close my legs
15:54
too quick.
15:56
>> Speaker A: Did you have to sit on the peas? The frozen
15:59
peas?
15:59
>> Speaker B: No, I had really good medication.
16:02
And, uh, good because you had the
16:05
vasectomy. No, they're like, sit on some
16:08
peas, power through. You should be fine.
16:11
But the hernia side of
16:14
it, they were like, nah, you need,
16:17
uh, some good stuff. So, like,
16:19
dang, I got the good stuff. I'm at home,
16:22
and outside of
16:24
alcohol, I don't do anything. I don't
16:27
take medications very often. I don't take anything
16:30
like that. And the medication
16:33
they gave me, I was gone. I mean, I was making
16:36
purchases online. We had packages showing, uh,
16:39
up. The wife's looking at me like, what's that? I'm like,
16:42
couldn't tell you, but I'm going to open it up anyways. Might as well keep
16:45
it's here.
16:46
>> Speaker A: Your golf money.
16:47
>> Speaker B: I wanted it. Yeah, I mean, I got
16:50
golf water bottles showing up. I've got
16:53
golf balls showing up,
16:56
clothing showing up.
16:59
It was great.
17:01
>> Speaker C: Uh.
17:04
>> Speaker B: I was happy that the medication only lasted for about a
17:07
day or two because I had to get off of it in order
17:10
to get back to work. But it
17:13
was fun while they lasted, making purchases
17:16
that I can't get in too much trouble for.
17:18
>> Speaker A: Yeah. Um,
17:21
was it like, oops. M all liquid. That first one after, though,
17:24
or was it like,
17:26
solid? Because I
17:29
feel like when you're on.
17:32
>> Speaker B: It was like a soft solid.
17:34
>> Speaker C: Okay.
17:35
>> Speaker A: Like a four or five.
17:37
>> Speaker B: Yeah, it wasn't a ten.
17:38
>> Speaker C: Perfect.
17:39
>> Speaker B: It wasn't a ten and it wasn't a one. It was like a four or five.
17:42
Perfect.
17:42
>> Speaker A: I'm with that. I'm with that. I drive around there most of the
17:45
time.
17:46
>> Speaker B: The whole thing was a brutal fight. So I
17:49
got done and I was like, sweating. I looked down
17:52
and was just disappointed. Like, that was it.
17:53
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
17:53
>> Speaker A: Uh, you're pissed that it's not bigger.
17:58
>> Speaker B: Yes, that's exactly what it was. That's exactly what
18:01
it was.
18:01
>> Speaker C: Cool.
18:02
>> Speaker A: So, uh, you're all fixed. Um,
18:05
which is how I think of it.
18:08
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I'm all fixed. But they said I'd be sore for about
18:11
a year, so every once in a while there's some pain in
18:14
there. That from the hernia surgery.
18:17
>> Speaker A: Hernia surgery.
18:17
>> Speaker C: That sounds.
18:18
>> Speaker B: The vasectomy. Theoretically, I'm all
18:21
done.
18:21
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
18:23
>> Speaker B: If it didn't work, someone's going to have some explaining to
18:26
do.
18:26
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
18:27
>> Speaker B: Wow. Yeah.
18:28
>> Speaker C: Huh.
18:29
>> Speaker A: Hey, if it didn't work, um, well,
18:32
very good. Uh, outside
18:35
of that. Do you have any other
18:39
personal bathroom horror stories
18:41
or even things from
18:44
growing up of, like, man, this one time,
18:47
uh, I got locked in my aunt's bathroom, and I almost.
18:52
>> Speaker B: So it's not a bathroom, but it
18:55
does involve perfect.
18:59
So, uh, my son had just been
19:02
born.
19:05
My wife had had a pretty rough,
19:08
um, labor.
19:09
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
19:10
>> Speaker B: So she had to go off to surgery and everything. And then
19:13
we got back, we got to our room, and I had to do the first
19:16
diaper change. And it was just pee. It was all good.
19:20
And then.
19:23
>> Speaker C: At. Ah, good.
19:23
>> Speaker B: Sam there in Corvallis, they've got a jet tub
19:26
that the moms are allowed to go into and sit in and kind of
19:29
relax after they. Well, Kayla had left
19:32
and gone to.
19:33
>> Speaker C: Do.
19:36
>> Speaker B: Five, maybe five
19:39
minutes after she leaves.
19:41
>> Speaker A: They can sense it, the baby.
19:42
>> Speaker B: Well, like, yeah. Gabriel just decided, like, you know what? I'm
19:45
going to start crying. And
19:48
my baby experience
19:51
was
19:55
2 hours. He had been born before that.
19:58
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
19:58
>> Speaker B: No, there was nothing. I had nothing. I
20:01
had never been around babies. I didn't want
20:03
anything to do with babies and stuff. And
20:06
so he starts crying, and I'm like,
20:09
uh, I'm the only person in here.
20:12
It is me and this child and
20:15
my son.
20:18
I changed one diaper, but other
20:21
than that, I've done nothing so far.
20:27
I checked off the boxes. I cut the umbilical cord.
20:30
My wife got through without killing me. We're
20:33
good. No, not so much. So
20:35
I'm standing in the room, and he's like, crying, and I'm like,
20:38
I don't know what to do.
20:43
I'm like, all right, maybe he needs a diaper change.
20:46
Let's do this. And so I get my
20:49
diaper. Forgot to get the wipe.
20:51
>> Speaker C: Yes.
20:51
>> Speaker A: There it is.
20:52
>> Speaker B: Had no idea.
20:53
>> Speaker A: That's it.
20:53
>> Speaker B: Those. So I undo the swaddle that the
20:56
nurse had obviously done for me.
20:59
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
20:59
>> Speaker B: Take off the diaper. And
21:02
it was just like a black tar. Yes.
21:05
>> Speaker C: Uh.
21:08
>> Speaker B: I've heard people say that. That's awful. It wasn't
21:11
that bad for me. I think
21:14
the initial baby
21:16
crap. And after they get
21:19
through the liquid food phase
21:22
crap. Those two aren't so bad. It's
21:24
that liquid food, the formula, uh,
21:27
the breast milk. Ah, that's
21:30
awful. That disaster zone up the
21:33
back of the neck. I want no part of that. I'm like,
21:36
throw the onesie away. Throw the diaper away.
21:38
Take the kid outside. Hose them off. I don't care.
21:41
>> Speaker A: Put them in the shower.
21:42
>> Speaker B: Yeah. Um, but anyway, so I'm standing
21:45
there. It's this black car. I'm like, okay, get the
21:48
wipe. I have no damn
21:50
wipe. Naturally, it's on the
21:53
cart that's got everything. But I'm in
21:56
new dad.
21:56
>> Speaker A: Oh, dude. Experience 100%.
21:59
>> Speaker B: Um, I'm like, one hand on the baby, making
22:02
sure he doesn't move, fly away, and my head is
22:05
just on a swivel, looking left and right, trying to
22:08
figure out, where the hell are the wipes?
22:13
Why didn't they walk me through this? It's
22:15
real. I'm like, nobody walked me through. They didn't tell
22:18
me that the wipes were supposed to be where they're not, just
22:21
there. So calm
22:24
myself down, find the wipe, and I'm like, okay, got it.
22:27
Got the wipe on. And Gabriel kicked
22:30
his leg, and my hand goes
22:33
into his vial
22:36
that's there, his tari. So then I'm
22:39
like, okay, well, let's finish the diaper. Get the diaper on.
22:42
Keep in mind, I still have on the back of m my
22:45
hand, because I'm like, one hand on the baby at all time,
22:48
because he will fly away
22:50
naturally if I take my hand off. So
22:53
then it's like, we're getting down to it. I got
22:56
the diaper on. I got poop on the back of my hand, pick
22:59
up Gabriel, and then the nurse walks in right
23:02
as I finish. And I don't know if I was
23:05
mad at them, but I just remember looking at them and
23:08
being like, where the hell did you all go?
23:10
You know, there's a baby in, like, and the
23:13
nurses couldn't have been any nicer. I think he
23:16
just kind of laughed, and he was like, are we okay? And I'm
23:19
like, we are now. He changed his diaper,
23:22
but I will never forget that
23:25
first poop diaper, because I just
23:28
remember the nurse walking in, me having
23:31
on the back of my hand. Gabriel's
23:33
got his diaper on, but it's, like,
23:36
cockeyed and barely
23:38
strapped together. I think if I'd have shook him a little
23:41
bit, it probably would have just shimmied right off his,
23:45
uh. Like, then nurse comes in.
23:48
I'm yelling at him, and I'm
23:51
just yelling in his direction. It's like, where'd you go?
23:54
Why'd you leave me?
23:55
>> Speaker A: I needed you.
23:56
>> Speaker B: You guys are supposed to be taking care of not just her, the
23:58
baby. But I'm here
24:03
then. So I get cleaned up. He helps me re swaddle
24:06
Gabriel, and then Kayla walks in. I'm like, ah, yeah, it was fine. It
24:09
was all good. Everything was fine. It was perfect.
24:11
>> Speaker A: I've already changed him twice I'm going.
24:12
>> Speaker B: To cry myself to sleep now.
24:14
>> Speaker A: Yeah, but you're
24:16
100% right, because most of what
24:19
you just described was also
24:22
like, I didn't get the poo on the back of my hand.
24:25
And I don't say that as like, oh, I did it any different, but
24:28
I just stood there staring at my
24:30
son with the black tar dukey, and I'm
24:33
like,
24:36
is there something wrong? What
24:39
do I do? And again,
24:42
scrambled for why all of that? And you
24:44
can read. This is what I've told
24:47
other people who, especially, like, younger
24:50
people, are like, oh, I don't know if we're ready for a kid. I'm like,
24:53
you aren't going to be the only way you
24:56
can read and you can watch all the videos and you can
24:58
have me tell you all of this,
25:01
but
25:04
until it's real, it's not real. You can't
25:07
prep.
25:09
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I read nothing. I knew nothing. I went into
25:12
it knowing nothing. I mean, I got through it.
25:15
I had a lot of help from Kayla because she was pretty on it and pretty ready
25:18
to go, but, uh, they left me in
25:21
that room and I was like, well, I guess it's just me and the baby.
25:24
>> Speaker C: Yeah. Uh-huh.
25:25
>> Speaker B: This is the way it goes.
25:27
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
25:28
>> Speaker B: And then they don't tell you, like,
25:30
hey, when they pee, if the diaper's not
25:33
there, it's going to go, like, over your shoulder, two rooms
25:36
over, out the window and hitting the side of your
25:39
diaper's house. That stuff flies.
25:42
>> Speaker A: Have your kids hit you?
25:43
>> Speaker B: Oh, Gabriel. It was like,
25:48
uh, I think up until, like, one, he was consistent,
25:50
really. I just wasn't catching on.
25:53
And it was always like, before bath, because
25:57
you'd do the thing, you'd pick them up, you'd go to set them m in and you'd
26:00
like, set them down, and all of a sudden you've got, like, piss running down the
26:03
front of your shirt and you're like, all right, well, there we
26:06
are.
26:06
>> Speaker A: Um, my son has
26:09
never got me. Ah, he got me once
26:12
when he was four because he went to pee and
26:15
missed the toilet and got my foot. And I'm like, you freaking.
26:18
Come on, you're old enough or something.
26:21
But, like, his sister, dude, she's got
26:24
me both with brown and yellow. Like, hit me
26:27
with both. And I'm like, you were not supposed to be the one who
26:29
does. Like, you're not supposed to be
26:32
able to do this function this way.
26:37
>> Speaker B: I've never gotten the pee from my daughter. Uh, Gabriel
26:39
got me a couple of times pretty consistently
26:42
before it's
26:45
really, it just was me not really paying attention to it.
26:48
Be like, all right, time for, you know, do the undressed thing.
26:51
Pick you up, put you in, and, well, I've got piss on my
26:54
shirt. Um, Delaney,
26:57
she's like a squirmer, though. Like, you're going to change her.
27:00
And she's, uh, I have to watch my hands when I'm
27:02
changing the brown because she'll
27:05
roll or she'll put my hand in it. And
27:08
then she just looks like. I can tell. She's, like, looking
27:11
me in the eye and she's like, got you.
27:14
>> Speaker A: I've got your number. You just wait.
27:16
>> Speaker B: Yeah, it's exactly what it is.
27:20
>> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh, dude.
27:24
Uh, being a new parent and the bathrooming, I mean,
27:27
you're not now, you're seasoned veteran.
27:29
But those early days of kids bathrooming are
27:32
just like, please make it stop.
27:34
>> Speaker B: And there's no such thing as, like, a seasoned veteran.
27:37
My son and daughter are so different.
27:40
Even down to
27:43
the bathroom stuff. Even
27:45
then, Gabriel would just chill and
27:48
be like, do the thing. Clean me up.
27:51
Delaney's like, no, I'm going to make this a living hell and
27:54
squirm as much as I can. I don't know what my third kid's
27:57
going to be like. Probably throw at me while
28:00
I'm trying to change them.
28:02
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
28:02
>> Speaker A: Uh, it'll be good.
28:03
>> Speaker B: Oh, it'll be fun.
28:04
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
28:05
>> Speaker B: But there's no figuring it out. They're all different.
28:08
Every time you think you've got it, they're like
28:12
curveball real quick.
28:15
>> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Um,
28:17
wow. So, um, any other
28:20
bathroom tales of woe or
28:24
wonder?
28:26
>> Speaker B: None that I like. Off the top of my head. Have I told you
28:29
any that you can think of? I don't think
28:31
I've got nothing off like the top of my
28:34
head.
28:35
>> Speaker A: Um, yeah,
28:37
it's one of those things where,
28:40
because people never really stop going to the
28:43
bathroom. Uh, what I've told people is, like,
28:45
it just sets us up for part two.
28:49
>> Speaker B: Exactly.
28:53
>> Speaker A: What I found also. So I have a number of questions I ask
28:55
everybody, um, on the show. And so usually
28:58
what happens here is people get into these and they
29:01
go, oh, actually, wait a minute.
29:03
>> Speaker B: I have a story.
29:04
>> Speaker A: The first is, and I've been trying to
29:07
covertly identify, but it's not
29:09
a. You could correct me if I'm wrong,
29:12
but what type of toilet paper do you guys
29:15
operate with here?
29:16
>> Speaker B: Oh, we go Kirkland here.
29:19
>> Speaker A: That's Kirkland signature, huh?
29:21
>> Speaker B: I don't think this is Kirkland's signature. I was going to say,
29:24
um, I think this might be the charmin, I was going to say, because it was
29:26
like a dollar cheaper at Costco or something like that.
29:29
I don't know at the time.
29:31
>> Speaker A: Beautiful bears.
29:32
>> Speaker B: Yeah. So I think that's what it is. I don't know. Oh,
29:35
open that cabinet right behind you.
29:37
>> Speaker A: Open the cabinet real time.
29:39
>> Speaker B: Uh, lower one. What's in there? What's
29:42
in there?
29:43
>> Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that's red bag. Charming.
29:46
That's the thick stuff, too. Uh, you can
29:49
use that as paper towel if you're in a pinch. Uh,
29:51
no.
29:53
>> Speaker B: Probably could, though. No joke.
29:55
>> Speaker C: Okay.
29:56
>> Speaker A: But normally, Kirkland signature. Yeah, perfect.
29:59
I respect that because that's what I use
30:02
on myself. Um, when you do your
30:04
bathrooming and you go to do the wipe
30:07
job, do you fold
30:10
or do you crumple? First of all,
30:13
what's the mechanism that gets the paper into the
30:16
proper area?
30:17
>> Speaker B: So it depends on the job. It
30:19
depends on something on the job done.
30:22
So if it's been a good one,
30:26
like wet. Yeah, if it's been a wet one,
30:29
I'm a roll it around the hand guy. I'm, uh.
30:32
Get it rolled around. Get everything nice and
30:35
covered. Get in there, wipe it down, let it
30:38
happen.
30:38
>> Speaker A: Get in there.
30:39
>> Speaker B: Um, if it's pretty easy going,
30:42
though, I'm not opposed to being the crumple guy.
30:45
>> Speaker C: Really? Yeah.
30:46
>> Speaker B: So you think I'm not the guy
30:49
that's going to sit here and pick a
30:52
preferred way I'm in here.
30:54
If it went well, I'm happy.
30:57
>> Speaker A: So by that logic, though, you would say that the crumple
31:00
is less effective.
31:04
Uh, I'm cool with that.
31:09
I'll bear my heart on my sleeve.
31:10
>> Speaker B: No, I'm not saying that.
31:13
I feel like the roll method. When you roll it around your hand,
31:16
I feel like there's too much slide on your hand.
31:19
You have to be right on getting that tight around the
31:22
hand if you're going to use that method.
31:23
>> Speaker A: M do you ever roll it around your hand and then take
31:26
it off and kind of use it as, like, a wipe on yourself?
31:29
>> Speaker B: I don't like that method.
31:31
>> Speaker A: Really?
31:32
>> Speaker B: No. If it's rolled around the hand, it's staying
31:34
really in place. I don't like taking it off the
31:37
hand. I'd rather crumple.
31:39
>> Speaker A: Oh, you do the two things that just terrify me the most,
31:42
which is like, leaving it like a glove,
31:45
which freaks me out.
31:48
>> Speaker B: Were you worried about the tip of your fingers?
31:50
>> Speaker A: Yes. Uh, because here's why. Do you know
31:53
how often I just hole punch myself with my
31:56
own method. And it's like, well, friggin dang
31:58
it. And so now I just have loose digits on
32:01
the end of the paper. I can't have this and the
32:04
crumple. I think it's fine,
32:07
except for to me, there's too many
32:10
variables.
32:11
>> Speaker B: I like the variable. Keeps it exciting,
32:14
keeps things fresh in the. Yeah, the porcelain
32:17
throne.
32:18
>> Speaker A: Excitement is not what I want at that
32:21
point. I'm cool with excitement at every
32:24
stage up to the wipe job.
32:25
>> Speaker B: Oh, man. After the hernia surgery, when I couldn't go,
32:28
nothing has been more exciting
32:31
than going to the bathroom and not being in pain.
32:33
>> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. Um, well,
32:36
that's, hey, um, also
32:40
visually, but feel free to share with the audience here.
32:43
Um, I noticed that your toilet paper folds over and not
32:46
under on the roll. Um,
32:49
is that a preferential or accidental thing?
32:53
>> Speaker B: Ah, my wife will put me in a psychiatric
32:56
hospital if it goes anywhere.
32:57
>> Speaker A: But forward, over the top. So your wife and
33:00
my wife are on the same train of thought. Um,
33:04
run me through your process, though, because
33:07
that's what we need to hear.
33:09
>> Speaker B: The process.
33:10
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
33:10
>> Speaker A: So when you change the role,
33:13
what do you do?
33:15
>> Speaker B: I don't.
33:16
>> Speaker A: You just stick it on there.
33:17
>> Speaker C: Right.
33:17
>> Speaker B: Wait for me to leave, and then my wife to
33:20
magically fix the role the way it's supposed. Right.
33:25
>> Speaker A: Out loud.
33:26
>> Speaker B: Not to me. It doesn't matter.
33:27
>> Speaker A: Perfect.
33:28
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
33:28
>> Speaker B: Not you. Probably slip it either way.
33:30
Um,
33:32
for this model of toilet paper hole.
33:35
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
33:36
>> Speaker B: If it was mounted to the side of the thing.
33:38
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
33:38
>> Speaker B: It's got to go over because I don't want my fingers
33:41
hitting the cabinet.
33:42
>> Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. That's the most, okay,
33:47
I don't care.
33:48
>> Speaker B: Right. But I don't want to jam my finger on a
33:51
cabinet trying to get my paper either.
33:53
>> Speaker A: So you're good with possibly getting your finger in
33:56
your b, when it slips through the roll
33:59
that you've created on your hand.
34:03
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
34:03
>> Speaker A: But you're worried, uh, how aggressively are you reaching
34:06
for paper? That, like, how aggressively was the,
34:09
I.
34:10
>> Speaker B: Mean, did I take off? Was it a, get out of the car.
34:12
So you're coming home from Salem, the
34:15
old red lobster, driving down the road, and it hits you,
34:18
and you're like, oh, no. You pull into the driveway,
34:21
pants are around the ankles before you've even got the door
34:24
unlocked, and you're just barely making it.
34:27
Yeah, I don't want to jam my finger on the,
34:30
but at the point.
34:31
>> Speaker A: You'D be reaching for paper, you're done.
34:34
>> Speaker B: You're exhausted.
34:37
Maybe you're so tired that you've exerted yourself.
34:41
I'm telling you, at one point, I had
34:44
just had surgery, and there wasn't a whole lot of leaning
34:47
left and.
34:47
>> Speaker A: Right without stopping the
34:50
surgery.
34:51
>> Speaker B: Uh, it was an eye opener to my age, to my pooping.
34:54
>> Speaker A: It was a key memory in your life,
34:57
keeping it that way forever.
35:01
Uh, are you a bar soap
35:04
or a liquid soap lad?
35:07
Mostly in the shower.
35:11
I'm not going to say nobody, but I think most people have
35:14
converted to liquid soap for their
35:17
sinks. Um, mostly, I think it's a guest
35:19
thing.
35:21
>> Speaker B: And it's cleaner? Well,
35:24
maybe not cleaner, but it looks cleaner than a bar of
35:27
tidy sitting on the.
35:28
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
35:28
>> Speaker B: Tidier.
35:29
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
35:29
>> Speaker A: But when you're in the shower,
35:32
what are you soaping yourself with?
35:34
>> Speaker B: I'm like the all in one guy. Like, I'm like, hey, this
35:37
one's three in one. Uh, it's the three in one
35:40
run the whole body kind of thing.
35:42
>> Speaker A: So you do hair and body all in the
35:45
same bottle?
35:46
>> Speaker B: Yeah, but that's bravery. I
35:49
do what I do. I start at the top, work my.
35:51
>> Speaker A: Way down, just let it soap itself all the way
35:54
down as you go.
35:55
>> Speaker B: You start with the hair, then you get everywhere
35:58
else, and then you keep working down. And then as
36:01
the water.
36:02
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
36:03
>> Speaker B: You don't start with the feet and work your way up.
36:06
>> Speaker C: Liquid.
36:07
>> Speaker B: So not okay.
36:07
>> Speaker A: It has to be liquid.
36:08
>> Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, I
36:11
have purchased bar soap.
36:13
>> Speaker A: What brand? Uh, the green bars.
36:16
>> Speaker B: I don't know, whatever's at like, $2 at the
36:19
marshalls. I've been watching bars. No, because it's never
36:22
a grocery store purchase. It's like, uh, hey, we
36:25
went to Marshalls to see if we can find
36:28
a fun graphic tee or something,
36:30
and I walked by the little soap stand and
36:33
there's like a bar of soap that says,
36:36
smells like men or smells like whiskey or
36:39
smells like kind of thing. I'm like, yeah, let's
36:42
give it the old college try.
36:43
>> Speaker A: Impulse soap. Buy.
36:45
>> Speaker B: It's a real thing. Don't knock it till you've
36:48
tried it.
36:50
>> Speaker A: Uh, I'm also a simple person when it
36:53
comes to soap. And, uh, my
36:56
wife, it drives her absolutely bonkers. I currently
36:59
have the one dollars bottle
37:01
of suave that is water
37:04
thin. She's just like, you don't have to live this
37:07
way.
37:07
>> Speaker B: And I'm not opposed to using shampoo as a body
37:10
wash either. If it's all I got at the time.
37:13
>> Speaker A: I'm good with soap is soap. Would you use conditioner?
37:15
>> Speaker B: If it'll clean my hair, why won't it clean my body? That's where I'm
37:18
at. Yeah, I'm with you.
37:21
>> Speaker C: That's where I'm at. Yeah.
37:22
>> Speaker B: Would I use what?
37:23
>> Speaker A: Would you use conditioner for body wash?
37:26
>> Speaker B: God, no. It's either going to be the
37:28
combo. I don't know that I would waste
37:31
my time buying conditioner kind of thing. My
37:34
hair is about as short as it can be if
37:37
it's not getting any softer. Yeah. The
37:40
conditioner I just avoid. I walk right by it. I'm
37:43
like, you know what? I got my two in one soap. I don't need anything else.
37:46
>> Speaker A: But what if it had all three?
37:48
>> Speaker B: So if it had shampoo condition. Yeah, I can get down
37:51
with that.
37:52
>> Speaker C: Okay.
37:52
>> Speaker B: But I'm not buying conditioner. I'm buying the
37:54
shampoo to buy it.
38:01
The shampoo is the party, and it'll bring the
38:04
conditioner in, the soap. But I'm not just going
38:07
to the conditioner to hang out. No.
38:10
We'll meet at the party.
38:11
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
38:11
>> Speaker B: Right.
38:12
>> Speaker A: Um. How do you feel about baths?
38:17
Go for it. How do you feel about baths?
38:21
>> Speaker C: Okay.
38:22
>> Speaker B: Feel like I'm sitting in my own film.
38:25
>> Speaker A: You've said it so well now.
38:29
Besides. Well, man, that's really just going
38:32
to single people out. Does anybody enjoy baths?
38:34
>> Speaker C: Um.
38:36
>> Speaker B: Weird flex, but I've got a hot tub. I don't need
38:39
to sit in the bath. Yeah, the bath
38:42
is weird to me.
38:44
>> Speaker C: Yeah. I agree.
38:45
>> Speaker B: As an adult, the bath
38:48
that I use is the same size bath that my kids use.
38:51
>> Speaker A: Too small.
38:52
>> Speaker B: If I'm trying to sit in that bath, there's a good chance my feet are up
38:54
the wall and my head is resting on the other side of the
38:57
wall.
38:58
>> Speaker A: It's not worth it.
38:59
>> Speaker B: The only thing that's wet is, like, my belly.
39:01
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
39:02
>> Speaker B: And my middle range. Middle
39:04
range upper thigh, maybe.
39:11
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
39:11
>> Speaker A: It's not worth it. Run me through
39:14
the. Because the thought process with the hot tub. So
39:17
it's not like, ah, the human soup.
39:20
Why is the hot tub not human soup? I agree with you.
39:23
I'm with you.
39:26
>> Speaker B: So you buy the shock, you buy the chemicals.
39:29
You've got your tester, you put it in the water, you pull it out,
39:32
you match up the colors with the other colors.
39:34
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
39:35
>> Speaker A: It tells you, hey, it's not human, it's clean.
39:38
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
39:38
>> Speaker B: You're not sitting in particle particles here. You're
39:41
having a good old time. This is clean. While everyone's
39:44
safe, join us.
39:45
>> Speaker A: There's no pink eye here.
39:46
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
39:46
>> Speaker B: No. No farticle particles in the air when you got a clean hot
39:49
tub.
39:50
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
39:51
>> Speaker A: Hey, uh, so I
39:53
agree with you. I'm glad. After the
39:56
crumple fold situation, I was getting worried. But we're
39:59
good.
40:00
>> Speaker B: Don't do that. You're better than that. You've shared too
40:02
much. Let me crumple fold and enjoy it.
40:05
>> Speaker A: So you're a shower guy. When in
40:08
the shower. Now, this is where I've
40:11
found things can get weird.
40:13
>> Speaker B: Okay.
40:13
>> Speaker A: Um. Have you ever taken a dark
40:15
shower.
40:16
>> Speaker B: With the lights off?
40:18
>> Speaker A: Yes.
40:22
What caused you to do it?
40:24
>> Speaker B: Um, so I used to work nights,
40:27
and there was nothing better than coming
40:30
home and leaving the hall light on.
40:33
>> Speaker C: Yes.
40:33
>> Speaker B: Getting in the bathroom, grabbing a
40:36
beer, and having a shower. Beer with the lights
40:39
off, getting it all cleaned up.
40:44
I worked at a particle, uh, board, m
40:47
mill. Okay. Uh, so there was
40:49
always, like, wood particles. So you get home and
40:52
you just be a m mess. I usually had to turn the
40:55
light on before. After I had relaxed, I'd flip the light
40:58
on to make sure I was all clean and everything. But
41:01
no, that beer with the light off.
41:03
Shower.
41:04
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
41:05
>> Speaker A: So you comboed it. Okay, so
41:08
you've answered part one. Have you ever drank
41:11
anything in the shower? Cold
41:14
beer in the shower?
41:17
>> Speaker B: If I had a slurpee, I'd probably drink a slurpee in the
41:20
slurpee. Yeah, it makes a little.
41:22
>> Speaker A: Got an open top, though.
41:23
>> Speaker B: Well, you keep it out of the. You got arms.
41:27
>> Speaker A: It's just a lot of effort to manage that.
41:29
>> Speaker B: That seems fair.
41:31
>> Speaker A: You could put a strip of duct tape over the top of it.
41:35
>> Speaker C: Huh.
41:36
>> Speaker B: I feel like there's a lid that somebody's invented that this should
41:39
work.
41:39
>> Speaker A: But the slurpee lid is not that lid. Yeah,
41:43
it's so open.
41:44
>> Speaker B: I don't know that I would feel clean after
41:46
drinking a slurpee open
41:48
shower just because I know what 711s
41:51
look like. Yeah. Uh,
41:54
slurpee was a bad example.
41:58
>> Speaker A: I think people have pooped in 711,
42:00
just like, not in the bathroom.
42:02
>> Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
42:03
>> Speaker A: Because the reason I say that is
42:06
because we went to the 711 in Chicago in high
42:09
school, and they had the single stall
42:12
bathroom that locks, and there was a dude posted up in there, and I'm pretty
42:14
sure a homeless guy pooped in the corner. I'm just
42:17
now remembering all that. You've brought that
42:20
back.
42:21
>> Speaker B: That's what I'm here for.
42:22
>> Speaker A: And then my teacher rushed us out. But anyway,
42:25
so any other drinks in the
42:28
shower?
42:29
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I'm not opposed.
42:31
>> Speaker A: How often do you do this?
42:33
>> Speaker B: Not as often as I'd like.
42:37
Uh,
42:40
no, not as often as I like.
42:41
>> Speaker A: Having kids slows this, and I think, uh, you don't want
42:44
to set the standard of, like, this is cool.
42:47
>> Speaker C: See?
42:47
>> Speaker B: And I think I feel like I need to start doing it more so my
42:50
son knows that, like, hey, it's okay.
42:53
Maybe I am thirsty when I'm in the shower and maybe I don't
42:56
want.
42:56
>> Speaker A: Water and you don't.
42:57
>> Speaker B: Maybe I want a capri sun while I'm taking the shower.
43:00
>> Speaker A: You ever turn the shower head over and you just
43:03
smack that to cold for a second and just get
43:06
a big gulp right out of the shower head?
43:08
>> Speaker B: No, because I don't care. Warm water.
43:11
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
43:12
>> Speaker A: I used to have a college professor drank hot water.
43:14
>> Speaker B: If it's on, like, a regular basis. That's weird. When I'm in the shower,
43:17
if the water is hot, I'm fine with it. I'll drink some warm water.
43:20
>> Speaker A: Oh, man.
43:20
>> Speaker B: But if I'm going to work and I'm like,
43:23
yeah, warm water. Let's get some
43:26
hot water.
43:27
>> Speaker C: Right?
43:27
>> Speaker B: No, that's weird. That's weird. I don't know
43:30
that my wife would let me leave with, like, hot water.
43:33
She's a water snob, so she needs ICE.
43:36
Dude. My wife is too
43:38
filtered.
43:41
>> Speaker A: It tastes weird out of the tap.
43:43
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
43:43
>> Speaker A: I'm like, yeah, it tastes good. It tastes like they've added
43:46
fluoride to keep my teeth from rotting.
43:49
No. Uh, man, that is
43:52
funny.
43:52
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
43:53
>> Speaker A: Anyway, uh, have you ever eaten anything in the
43:55
shower?
43:57
>> Speaker B: No. I have eaten while taking
43:59
a though.
44:00
>> Speaker A: Perfect.
44:01
>> Speaker C: Yes.
44:01
>> Speaker B: And this brings me back to the particle particles thing. Like, I know
44:04
what I'm doing, but out with
44:07
the old, in with the new.
44:09
>> Speaker A: There's something uncanny about the feeling
44:12
of it going in and
44:15
coming out the other end at the same time.
44:18
>> Speaker B: Nothing like it.
44:20
>> Speaker A: It changes you.
44:22
>> Speaker C: Um.
44:23
>> Speaker B: Makes you feel like a man.
44:25
>> Speaker A: What were you eating on the toilet?
44:27
>> Speaker B: Ah, I'm a big fan of pizza on the toilet. Like
44:30
leftover pizza. Not hot pizza. Like cold,
44:33
leftover, cold pizza.
44:34
>> Speaker A: Or like, I had pizza earlier this
44:37
evening, and it's kind of just been cooling, and so
44:40
now it's, like, room temperature.
44:42
>> Speaker B: Oh, I'd get down. I'd take while I was eating that pizza.
44:44
Yeah. Beer in one hand, pizza in the other.
44:48
>> Speaker A: Somebody turned king of the hill on. I'm missing it.
44:51
>> Speaker B: Damn it, Bobby.
44:53
>> Speaker C: Dude.
44:54
>> Speaker A: Oh, uh, that's awesome pizza.
44:56
>> Speaker C: Huh? Huh?
44:57
>> Speaker A: Have you ever dropped your slice, like, mid.
45:01
>> Speaker B: No. God, no. If it hits the
45:04
ground, the game's over. I'm not picking the Pete.
45:06
That's when there's particle particles on the ground
45:09
that have rested there. Like, not necessarily poop. But the
45:12
particles in the air.
45:13
>> Speaker C: Well.
45:13
>> Speaker A: And pea spray.
45:15
>> Speaker B: Yeah. I got. Kid. I got
45:18
a five year old who's still figuring out how to work
45:21
everything.
45:24
>> Speaker A: Always the best. Um,
45:26
there's a thing that people do. They eat an orange, like an apple in
45:29
the shower. Have you ever heard or done this?
45:33
You take the orange and you peel it like normal. Like, you get rid of
45:36
the rind, but then instead of eating it, like a
45:39
normal person, like, cutting it and not. You
45:42
just kind of apple bite it, and it just juices.
45:45
But you're in the shower, so who cares?
45:47
>> Speaker B: Not a fan.
45:48
>> Speaker A: Okay, so the stickies.
45:50
>> Speaker B: No. God. Uh, no.
45:53
I could get on board with eating an apple. Like an apple.
45:55
But no, I don't even eat
45:58
that many oranges. But if I am eating an orange.
46:01
That's right. Yeah, I got that citrus.
46:04
Yeah.
46:05
>> Speaker A: If I am eating, I'm not trauma informed.
46:08
>> Speaker B: So if I am eating an orange, I
46:11
want it in the orange form. The traditional
46:14
orange form. Yeah, yeah.
46:15
>> Speaker A: Got it.
46:16
>> Speaker B: But I don't eat that many oranges.
46:18
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
46:18
>> Speaker A: Because it will hurt you. Um, so you're in
46:21
the shower, and the urge hits. You got to purge
46:24
it. Um, the brown snakes make an
46:27
appearance. How do you handle
46:30
that while you're in the shower?
46:34
There's three along.
46:38
>> Speaker B: I have waffle stomped. It is not
46:41
my method, though.
46:44
>> Speaker A: So tell me more about, uh, when
46:47
you did do, uh,
46:50
like.
46:50
>> Speaker B: I think it was, like, my freshman year of high school, and,
46:54
like,
46:57
the. So, like, our. What
47:00
high school? South Albany.
47:02
>> Speaker A: So good.
47:04
>> Speaker B: So, like, the front of our. My parents house, there's,
47:07
like, the traditional tub and shower,
47:10
and then in my parents room, they have, like, the nice stand up
47:12
shower.
47:13
>> Speaker C: Ah.
47:13
>> Speaker B: With the great. Yeah, no, that's where it was, like,
47:16
fresh. They were camping out of town, and I was at home alone.
47:19
I was like, oh, man, I got to go. And I
47:22
was using the good shower because that's
47:25
what you do.
47:26
>> Speaker A: You stomped it into the good shower.
47:28
>> Speaker C: Okay.
47:28
>> Speaker B: And it wasn't intended that way. It was
47:31
like, uh. Hey, maybe
47:34
I'll give it a shot. Maybe.
47:37
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
47:38
>> Speaker B: Not a fan. Not a fan. Really? No,
47:41
it just feels. I feel like I need a shower after
47:44
the shower.
47:45
>> Speaker A: You're already in there.
47:46
>> Speaker B: Yeah, but I feel like I have to get out and reset.
47:48
The whole thing needs to be reset.
47:50
>> Speaker A: I have to redo the whole thing.
47:52
>> Speaker C: Weird. Okay.
47:53
>> Speaker B: Um.
47:56
>> Speaker A: Your parents know.
47:59
>> Speaker B: Um, I'm an avid
48:02
pre shower pooper. I make it a point
48:05
to get in the bathroom,
48:08
lock both doors, because I got two entries into the
48:10
bathroom. Lock the door to the
48:13
master, lock the door to the living room,
48:16
flip up the.
48:17
>> Speaker A: Because you're bathroom shy.
48:19
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
48:19
>> Speaker B: I don't, like, got it coming in. Even my
48:22
son will bang on the door and be like, what are you
48:25
doing? Let me in. And I'm like, go away,
48:28
or this is going to take much longer than it needs to.
48:31
Um.
48:31
>> Speaker A: That's so funny.
48:32
>> Speaker B: And I'm not, like, a shy person.
48:35
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
48:35
>> Speaker B: So the whole concept of being a shy bathroom
48:38
person, it's baffling to me.
48:43
I don't know. It just doesn't feel. I feel like I should be able
48:46
to, and I just can't. And it
48:49
was a post high school thing because
48:52
I used to with the stall door open
48:56
and have, like, a meet up at 230.
48:58
>> Speaker A: I'm still that way.
49:01
>> Speaker B: I don't know. Somewhere after high school,
49:05
I lost the will to poop with the door open.
49:09
Things change.
49:09
>> Speaker A: Never locked things.
49:12
>> Speaker B: Um, but, yeah, back to your. Yeah.
49:15
Uh, if I need to poop, I'm either
49:18
waiting till I'm done. If I'm in the shower,
49:21
I'm either waiting till I'm done, and then I'll go
49:24
and boom. Because, you know, if it's coming,
49:27
right? If you're healthy and you're feeling
49:30
healthy, you know it's
49:33
coming. Okay,
49:38
let's get the soap out. Let's get cleaned
49:41
off.
49:42
>> Speaker A: So you're getting out and going and
49:44
redepositing in the toilet?
49:46
>> Speaker B: Yeah, but it's not often. Like I said, I'm
49:49
a very consistent poop before I
49:52
shower.
49:52
>> Speaker A: Guy, preload. Under any circumstances, would you
49:55
poop into your hand and reach out of
49:58
the shower and toss it in the toilet?
50:01
>> Speaker B: I don't think so.
50:02
>> Speaker A: Okay. Because that's method three
50:04
that people offer.
50:06
>> Speaker B: And it's not that I'm opposed to.
50:08
>> Speaker A: Method three, and I think it's just sane.
50:10
>> Speaker B: Method three feels like if
50:12
it's illegal, well, if it's like a big log, too,
50:15
there's a good chance that bad boy is folding over your hand and landing on
50:18
the floor. You're only getting, like, a half of it where
50:21
it needs to be the other half.
50:25
>> Speaker A: My thing is, I'm not
50:28
producing anything solid enough to perform this.
50:32
I drink too much coffee. It's
50:35
not a thing to function that way.
50:39
It would just create a bigger mess.
50:41
>> Speaker B: Yeah, no, it's not.
50:42
>> Speaker C: Okay.
50:42
>> Speaker B: Either do it before or do it
50:45
after.
50:49
But you're okay with the waffle stop.
50:53
>> Speaker A: So by okay, I mean, that's, like,
50:55
under extreme circumstances, okay. Like, in my personal
50:58
life, if it hits that bad, and I can't just finish my
51:01
shower. I get out, I dry,
51:04
I go to the bathroom, and then I get in and finish my
51:07
shower. That's method one
51:10
to me. But method two is when it's
51:13
emergency time, and I don't know if I'm going
51:16
to make it. And I would rather have the accident in
51:19
here worth the running water in the
51:21
drain than right outside of
51:24
here, where I have to explain it to my,
51:27
uh, wife. As in a grown
51:30
adult man. Um, yeah,
51:33
see, that's why the waffles.
51:36
>> Speaker B: That's the worst conversation, too. Like, hey,
51:39
can we talk?
51:40
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
51:40
>> Speaker A: Have you ever.
51:40
>> Speaker B: And then your wife's like, what? And you're like,
51:43
have you ever had.
51:44
>> Speaker A: An undie accident and had to explain.
51:45
>> Speaker B: It to her one week ago?
51:48
>> Speaker A: No way.
51:49
>> Speaker B: One week ago.
51:51
>> Speaker A: What happened?
51:52
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
51:53
>> Speaker B: So.
51:57
>> Speaker A: I got him.
52:00
>> Speaker B: You got to appreciate that I didn't lie about it, either.
52:03
>> Speaker A: You could have just been like, no, that's never happened.
52:06
>> Speaker C: Yeah, it happens.
52:07
>> Speaker B: Okay, so I'm perfectly healthy, perfectly
52:10
fine, doing my homework.
52:12
>> Speaker A: Well, you're shooting
52:14
blanks. So there is that.
52:17
Anyway, proceed.
52:20
Starts crying.
52:22
>> Speaker B: No. Um, so I'm, like, doing homework.
52:25
Kayla's like, hey, me and, uh, her best friend,
52:28
Mackie, we're going to go and take the kid kids to do something. I can't
52:31
remember what they were doing. They went and did something, though. I was like, all right,
52:33
cool. Oh, they went to the fair. So they went
52:36
to Lynn county fair. And, uh, I was like, you
52:39
know what? I'm going to stay. I got a lot of homework to do. I'm going to do some
52:42
homework. So.
52:44
Mapped my desk in my computer chair, doing
52:47
my homework, really grinding it out. And I was
52:50
like, oh, man, I'm gonna have me a bowl of cereal. And
52:53
got bowl of cereal.
52:55
>> Speaker A: What cereal?
52:56
>> Speaker B: Reese's puff.
52:57
>> Speaker C: Oh, yes.
52:58
>> Speaker A: Okay, go ahead.
52:59
>> Speaker B: That's my go to this evening.
53:00
>> Speaker A: Perfect.
53:01
>> Speaker B: Tonight after this, I think perfect.
53:04
Been, um, thinking about giving the peanut butter bowl thing a try, by the way.
53:07
>> Speaker A: You got to do it.
53:09
>> Speaker B: So we're doing the thing.
53:12
I'm doing the homework, and I'm like, man,
53:17
just for some context, I had had gas all
53:20
day. It was
53:23
bad. I was like,
53:25
something's not right in there today. Um,
53:28
and I just kind of did the lean,
53:31
and then I came back down and I went, something's
53:34
not right in there.
53:35
>> Speaker A: Cue the music.
53:35
>> Speaker B: Uh, something's not right in there. So I got up and
53:38
I knew. I'm
53:41
29 years old. I know. I knew what happened. And so
53:44
I did the waddle all the way to the bathroom. Finished
53:47
it. Because when it happened, it's almost like I tried to pull
53:50
everything. I was like, whoa. Got up,
53:53
did the waddle to the bathroom, finished it all
53:56
out, took a shower. We
53:59
got rid of all of it. It was like, see you later.
54:02
Um, got rid of the underwear, got rid of the
54:05
short. They're gone. They're somewhere in the landfill
54:07
now. You tossed them?
54:10
>> Speaker A: It was that bad?
54:11
>> Speaker B: No, it wasn't that bad, but it felt gross,
54:14
right?
54:15
>> Speaker A: You had to destroy the evidence.
54:18
>> Speaker B: Dude, I'm on a podcast.
54:19
>> Speaker C: Well, I know.
54:20
>> Speaker B: There is no evidence.
54:21
>> Speaker C: No.
54:21
>> Speaker A: I texted him for the moment.
54:22
>> Speaker B: The second it happened, I texted him. I was like, hey, it
54:25
happened.
54:25
>> Speaker A: Dude, your honesty gets you into trouble is all that we're
54:28
learning.
54:29
>> Speaker B: It's so much fun, though.
54:31
>> Speaker A: Yeah, that's true. That's true.
54:32
>> Speaker B: What's the point in lying? There's no fun in lying.
54:34
>> Speaker A: Imagine she comes home from the fair, and it's like, how'd it go?
54:37
>> Speaker B: And you're like, homework's done.
54:39
>> Speaker A: Homework is done. Why are your shorts different?
54:41
>> Speaker C: Uh.
54:43
>> Speaker A: I got scared.
54:45
>> Speaker B: The weather?
54:45
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
54:46
>> Speaker A: I don't know. Uh, I didn't like the other
54:49
ones.
54:49
>> Speaker B: No, I had shot her a text. I'd be like, hey, how are you doing?
54:52
Because I had texted her earlier. I was like, how are you doing? Because she's pregnant and
54:55
she doesn't do well in the heat. And it was sunny, and I was like, how are you doing?
54:58
She's like, ah, not doing. Doing great. The
55:01
sun's out, there's a lot of people kind of thing. I was like, well,
55:04
I myself, um,
55:07
can I win this one kind of thing? Um, but,
55:10
yeah, dude, at least she.
55:12
>> Speaker A: Has a reason to not do well in the heat because
55:14
I'm just a human and I can't function in the heat.
55:17
>> Speaker B: Oh, no, that's her problem, just being a human and
55:20
can't function.
55:21
>> Speaker A: Yeah.
55:22
>> Speaker B: Let's put it this way. If she wasn't pregnant, she
55:25
still wouldn't be able to function.
55:28
>> Speaker A: But it's only worse. It can't
55:31
be made better by the fact that you just have, like, a tiny
55:33
little furnace inside of you.
55:35
>> Speaker B: I do not envy pregnant women.
55:38
You can have that. I want no part of that.
55:41
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
55:42
>> Speaker A: Um, and I mean this in the
55:44
nicest and most same
55:47
train of thought, no part of the experience.
55:50
Seems good.
55:51
>> Speaker B: No.
55:53
>> Speaker C: Yes. Um.
55:58
>> Speaker B: She'S in the next room over, so I'm going to get in trouble,
56:01
I've said. But
56:04
they're like the bullshit of like,
56:07
wow, you're glowing. I'm like, look, my
56:10
wife's pretty. Yeah, but she ain't
56:12
glow. Like, it's not a glow. It's like, you look
56:15
really pretty. You are nine months pregnant, though. It's
56:18
not fun. Nothing about it is fun.
56:21
>> Speaker A: No, it's not.
56:22
>> Speaker B: It's like getting kicked in the nuts and somebody being like, wow, you look great.
56:25
Like, no, you don't look great. You look like you're on the
56:28
ground.
56:29
>> Speaker A: Having a hernia and
56:32
vasectomy surgery and people telling you, hey,
56:35
you just look vibrant.
56:36
>> Speaker B: And even then, I think I'd rather have the vasectomy and
56:39
hernia surgery over again than have to be
56:42
pregnant for nine months.
56:45
>> Speaker A: And then also do the part that comes after being
56:48
pregnant nine months. Uh,
56:50
anyway, um, do you have any bathroom pet
56:53
peeves?
56:54
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
56:55
>> Speaker B: I don't want people walking in on me while I'm doing my.
56:59
Like, I didn't know this
57:02
until I started because my
57:05
master bathroom, it's not very
57:08
big. So it's like, hey, Kayla, Kayla,
57:11
it's yours.
57:12
>> Speaker A: Bigger than he lets on.
57:16
>> Speaker B: It's not huge.
57:17
>> Speaker A: It's perfectly serviceable.
57:19
>> Speaker B: Oh, my. He could. Just so we're
57:22
clear, hunter could be fine with, like, a
57:25
bucket and some water, and he'd make it work as a
57:28
bathroom. Just so we're clear. That would work.
57:30
>> Speaker A: The trick when you go camping is to dig one big
57:33
hole, stop and fix the lawn chair with
57:36
a hole cut in the bottom of it over top.
57:39
>> Speaker B: I can't even argue that. But anyway,
57:43
I'm, um, finding. Since I started sharing the bathroom with
57:46
my kids, I'm finding I don't like
57:48
toothpaste on the damn counter.
57:51
It drives me off the wall.
57:54
>> Speaker A: Every single guy I have talked to
57:56
says, the toothpaste left on the
57:59
counter or in the sink, that's it for
58:02
me.
58:03
>> Speaker B: Oh, God. Ah. I'm not a
58:06
violent human being, but it makes me want to really, uh,
58:09
just kick my son. Kick him right in the back of the head.
58:11
>> Speaker C: Oh.
58:12
>> Speaker A: See, to me, I'm like, oh, this is fun. I
58:14
don't like it, but I'm like, yeah,
58:18
there's that.
58:20
>> Speaker B: Um, to toothpaste.
58:24
I don't like running out of qtips.
58:27
>> Speaker C: Uh.
58:28
>> Speaker A: Dude, I don't use qtips.
58:31
>> Speaker B: That stresses me out. What do you use?
58:33
>> Speaker C: How do you.
58:33
>> Speaker B: For your ears? Okay, so
58:37
I feel like our friendship is getting hurt.
58:39
>> Speaker A: Listen, now, your
58:42
body, I'm trying to make it sound like I'm not
58:44
from the year 1500 right
58:47
now, you, uh.
58:49
>> Speaker B: Would have thrived during the year 1500. So we're
58:51
clear?
58:52
>> Speaker A: Yeah, except for the weird food
58:55
situation because I'm pretty picky.
58:58
>> Speaker C: Um.
59:00
>> Speaker A: You can feel when there
59:02
is wax.
59:05
>> Speaker B: You lost me already.
59:06
>> Speaker A: And I'm not saying you don't deal with it. That's not what I'm saying.
59:09
But it kind of itches and you
59:12
just get a rag. Wet rag or you get like a piece
59:15
of toilet paper and you just kind of. And
59:18
you're done. But you're not supposed to stick the
59:21
qtips in your ears. You're not supposed
59:24
to do it. It's on the box.
59:27
>> Speaker B: It's not in there. Uh,
59:29
okay. Uh, I'll take your word for it.
59:31
>> Speaker A: But it's a safety thing and I used to.
59:34
>> Speaker B: My whole life is just crashing down right now. Thanks for that.
59:37
>> Speaker A: Feel free to do it.
59:38
>> Speaker B: I'm going to do it because
59:41
I don't like running out of, also my.
59:44
>> Speaker A: Tonsils are weird
59:47
and if I clean my ear too deep, I'll
59:50
gag. It's really fun. Um, and
59:53
so I don't have that experience anymore because I
59:56
am doing this new surface wiping
59:58
situation.
59:59
>> Speaker C: Interesting.
1:00:00
>> Speaker A: I get less water in my ear too. It's kind of fun.
1:00:04
And I know that's like, oh, that means you have a little bit in there
1:00:07
but yeah, your body produces it.
1:00:10
>> Speaker B: I imagine you're supposed to have a little bit but uh, I don't
1:00:12
know, I'm not smart enough to make.
1:00:15
>> Speaker A: So running out of qtips is the.
1:00:17
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I don't like running out of qtips.
1:00:19
>> Speaker A: Um, how do you run out? There's like
1:00:22
a 500 in a box.
1:00:24
>> Speaker B: I hope to live longer than 500 days at a
1:00:27
time.
1:00:27
>> Speaker A: Oh dude, achievement unlocked.
1:00:30
Somebody bought my wife and I a 1000
1:00:33
pack of coffee filters when we got married.
1:00:36
And we're like nearing the end of
1:00:39
this.
1:00:41
>> Speaker B: Is uh, it sad.
1:00:42
>> Speaker A: It's like what do we do?
1:00:43
>> Speaker B: You go to the store and buy more.
1:00:45
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:00:45
>> Speaker B: Wait, I forget who I'm talking to.
1:00:48
You go to the dollar store and find the dollar brand.
1:00:51
>> Speaker A: But I've never had to
1:00:54
buy them ever. And so it's
1:00:57
kind of like I kind of want to keep
1:01:00
that running.
1:01:04
>> Speaker B: Oh boy.
1:01:05
>> Speaker A: Definitely into the future. So toothpaste, uh,
1:01:08
and qtip.
1:01:09
>> Speaker B: Yeah, those are probably the two. Um, I'm
1:01:12
not a big fan of the no toilet paper waddle
1:01:15
either, but I wouldn't call it like a pet peeve.
1:01:17
>> Speaker A: Like you ran out and you got, and I got to do the
1:01:20
shimmy.
1:01:21
>> Speaker B: Yeah, the penguin shelf.
1:01:22
>> Speaker A: You ever just shout out for a backup
1:01:25
role? Oh, you've locked both the doors.
1:01:28
See, nobody's ever going to be able
1:01:31
to help you.
1:01:33
>> Speaker B: But I don't want the help. That's why I locked the doors.
1:01:36
>> Speaker A: Yeah, that's fair.
1:01:37
>> Speaker B: But it's weird because I'll do it, but I'll
1:01:40
poke my head out of the one door and then
1:01:43
I'll walk to the other door and take off.
1:01:45
>> Speaker A: Got to get there to get the paper.
1:01:48
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:01:48
>> Speaker B: Or I'll just flush this toilet and I'll
1:01:51
waddle to the master bathroom and just finish up over
1:01:54
there.
1:01:57
>> Speaker A: So good. Oh, my
1:01:59
gosh. Um, so one of the
1:02:02
last questions here. Do you have a food
1:02:05
establishment that just does you the
1:02:07
dirtiest, sets you up for failure?
1:02:10
>> Speaker C: Oh, yeah.
1:02:10
>> Speaker B: Because you have, uh, your applebee's
1:02:13
problems right now.
1:02:14
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:02:15
>> Speaker B: Um, it's weird.
1:02:18
>> Speaker A: If you went back a year ago and said, hey,
1:02:22
what do you think is the food place that has the most potential
1:02:25
to do some harm? Applebee's. Bottom of the
1:02:27
like.
1:02:28
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:02:28
>> Speaker B: And I agree. Taco Bell gets a bad rep in that
1:02:31
sense. It doesn't do much to,
1:02:35
um, just.
1:02:36
>> Speaker A: Stay away from that chipotle, like, creamy chipotle
1:02:39
sauce. That stuff will foul you.
1:02:40
>> Speaker B: It's not like something that I'm like,
1:02:43
no. Um,
1:02:46
I don't go to Burger King anymore. Um, it
1:02:49
wrecks me, really.
1:02:52
After I quit going there, I was like, you know, I just don't really like their food all
1:02:55
that much anyways, to begin with. Yeah.
1:02:58
>> Speaker A: Um, those chicken fries are pretty good, though.
1:03:00
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:03:01
>> Speaker B: But you feel like you never get enough.
1:03:03
>> Speaker A: Oh, yeah. They should sell them in an 18 at least,
1:03:06
because they're like, half of it anyway.
1:03:09
>> Speaker B: They're just a chicken nugget. They're just a tall chicken nugget.
1:03:11
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:03:12
>> Speaker B: Which,
1:03:16
uh, yeah, McDonald's, um,
1:03:20
will do it to me sometimes, depending on what I get. It's really
1:03:23
like the burger. Like Carl's Jr. I do
1:03:25
fine. Um, burger king wrecks
1:03:28
me.
1:03:29
>> Speaker A: Hardee's?
1:03:31
>> Speaker B: Hardee's. No, hardee's isn't bad.
1:03:34
Um, yeah, it's mostly McDonald's, but I
1:03:37
love, like,
1:03:39
same. I'm going to have to poop at some point. Might as well
1:03:42
make it worth it.
1:03:43
>> Speaker A: I used to work at McDonald's. I love.
1:03:44
>> Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah.
1:03:46
>> Speaker A: I've seen the CD underbelly and I'm
1:03:49
here to eat it.
1:03:52
>> Speaker C: Didn't.
1:03:52
>> Speaker A: Didn't faze me.
1:03:54
>> Speaker B: Yeah.
1:03:55
>> Speaker A: That's saying more about me.
1:03:56
>> Speaker B: I think it's just the.
1:03:57
>> Speaker A: Is it the grease. Burger grease
1:04:00
establishments maybe?
1:04:01
>> Speaker B: I don't know. But, like, got some
1:04:04
violent poops after those two places.
1:04:06
>> Speaker C: Really? Yeah.
1:04:07
>> Speaker A: Wendy's, uh, is Wendy's doing you.
1:04:10
>> Speaker B: I do okay with Wendy's. Wendy's is.
1:04:13
And it might not be those two
1:04:16
establishments. It might just be like, hey,
1:04:19
they just happen to cross paths.
1:04:23
>> Speaker A: You ever go and get. Because people like the
1:04:26
char broil nonsense that Burger King's got
1:04:29
going on.
1:04:30
>> Speaker B: It's fake.
1:04:31
>> Speaker A: Um, they're not grilling anything, but,
1:04:34
yeah.
1:04:35
>> Speaker B: You know what gets me is the damn impossible
1:04:37
burgers.
1:04:40
I'm not a vegetarian, but when it's there,
1:04:44
I'll give it a shot. Or if they're given a sample
1:04:47
way, I'll give it a shot. No, the impossible
1:04:50
burgers absolutely wreck me.
1:04:52
>> Speaker A: Really?
1:04:52
>> Speaker B: If it's plant based, there's a good chance it's coming out about
1:04:55
an hour later in a fiery rage.
1:04:58
Not hot, but just fast.
1:05:00
>> Speaker A: Wow. See? I'm
1:05:03
too cheap to go. Well,
1:05:06
plants, not you.
1:05:07
>> Speaker B: Uh.
1:05:10
>> Speaker A: But you have a dollar 49 cheeseburger that
1:05:13
I can. Tell me more.
1:05:14
>> Speaker B: $6. Plant one. Or I can buy the
1:05:17
$2 real.
1:05:19
>> Speaker A: Thing and then tell them to take all of the plant based
1:05:22
materials that go onto it off of the burger.
1:05:25
>> Speaker B: Throw on some ketchup and mustard.
1:05:27
>> Speaker A: No, those both come from
1:05:30
plants. Get them off. Get them out of here.
1:05:32
>> Speaker B: Wait, you eat your burger plain?
1:05:34
>> Speaker A: Plain cheese only. Plain and
1:05:37
dry.
1:05:37
>> Speaker B: That is so.
1:05:39
>> Speaker A: It's delicious.
1:05:41
I will slide some peanut butter and jelly on a cheeseburger
1:05:44
every now and then, but only, like,
1:05:47
when the mood strikes me.
1:05:48
>> Speaker C: Right. See?
1:05:49
>> Speaker B: And I can't get mad because it's like,
1:05:52
well, it might be good, because recently,
1:05:55
my life has been opened up to, uh,
1:05:58
chili and, uh, cinnamon rolls.
1:06:01
Yeah, ten out of
1:06:04
ten recommend. It's delicious.
1:06:06
It took me two bites. I took the first bite, and I was like,
1:06:09
what the hell am I eating? And then I took the second
1:06:12
bite, and I was like, this is good. And then
1:06:15
before I knew it, I inhaled an entire bowl of
1:06:18
chili and a whole cinnamon roll, and I was like,
1:06:22
what just happened?
1:06:23
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:06:24
>> Speaker A: Uh, I don't understand it, either, but so
1:06:27
good.
1:06:29
>> Speaker B: It's like a midwest thing, though, right? Yeah, my dad
1:06:32
told me that. He was like, it's like a midwest thing. They do that in the
1:06:35
midwest. He's like, I'm not doing it,
1:06:37
but it's a thing.
1:06:39
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:06:39
>> Speaker A: The peanut butter and jelly on a cheeseburger, it ain't bad.
1:06:42
Um, it's not as good as the chili and cinnamon roll,
1:06:45
but that would.
1:06:46
>> Speaker B: Be another one of those ones where we're, like, sitting in the classroom and you're like,
1:06:49
hey, I got a burger on the way. If I get peanut butter and
1:06:51
jelly. Will you try it? That would probably be the
1:06:54
only way. I would be like, yeah, it has.
1:06:56
>> Speaker A: To be plain and dry if you're putting that on there, because that ain't going to.
1:06:59
You can't have onions.
1:07:01
>> Speaker B: No.
1:07:02
>> Speaker A: In there with that.
1:07:03
>> Speaker B: Or pickles. Yeah.
1:07:07
No. And I'm pretty basic with my burt, but I like,
1:07:10
me like the cheese, I like the ketchup.
1:07:12
Mustard. Every once in a while I'll throw some mayo on it,
1:07:15
but too wet.
1:07:17
>> Speaker A: See, it's all wet.
1:07:18
>> Speaker B: That's weird to me, that you're like,
1:07:21
if I'm going to throw anything on it, it's going to be PB and.
1:07:24
>> Speaker A: J. Yeah, but peanut butter is like.
1:07:26
>> Speaker B: You'Ll put peanut butter on anything. I'm convinced that if somebody
1:07:29
just, uh, took some dog and rolled it up in peanut butter,
1:07:32
I'm convinced you would consider it. Like, hey, I mean,
1:07:35
it's got peanut butter on it. If you say you
1:07:38
would, we're going to have.
1:07:41
>> Speaker A: But I would say it would improve the
1:07:44
chances. Like, I wouldn't do it, but.
1:07:50
>> Speaker C: I.
1:07:50
>> Speaker A: Think it's going to remove a smell barrier that used to
1:07:53
exist.
1:07:53
>> Speaker B: You can't see his face, but he is contemplating it.
1:07:56
Maybe I'd try it.
1:07:58
>> Speaker A: I wouldn't try it because I know.
1:08:00
>> Speaker B: Enough peanut butter can mask the.
1:08:05
>> Speaker A: Um.
1:08:08
Stay with me a little bit. If it was
1:08:10
cow or horse poop, I
1:08:13
would contemplate it more than dog
1:08:16
poop because they are
1:08:18
plant eating animals and their
1:08:21
bacteria in their stomach is less.
1:08:24
Not harmful, but less harmful to people. So
1:08:27
when they pass it, their turds are,
1:08:30
like, less toxic to humans. So,
1:08:33
like, yucky. If I was going to peanut butter.
1:08:36
>> Speaker B: The fact that you even think you're like, I'd be more
1:08:38
likely worries me.
1:08:40
>> Speaker C: Dog.
1:08:41
>> Speaker A: They used to do some, uh, heinous things with
1:08:43
poo. They used to put it
1:08:46
in their eye. Like,
1:08:49
ancient cultures would rub it in their
1:08:52
eye for, like, eyesores.
1:08:54
>> Speaker B: That's weird.
1:08:55
>> Speaker A: They would take cat poop and they would mix it with other stuff
1:08:58
and stick it in their eyes.
1:09:00
>> Speaker B: So happy I don't live in an ancient culture because I'd have died
1:09:03
of some weird infection. They'd be like, let me put the poop on your face. I'd be
1:09:06
like, no.
1:09:07
>> Speaker A: Can I get someone to shield me while I go to the bathroom?
1:09:10
Nobody has built doors for me to hide behind yet.
1:09:13
>> Speaker B: Who touched my bucket? That's my own private bucket.
1:09:15
>> Speaker A: They used to share, uh, a, uh, wiping
1:09:18
stick.
1:09:19
>> Speaker B: That's gross. Like, they put everything about. That's gross.
1:09:21
>> Speaker A: They'd put a sponge on the end of a stick, and they'd, like, wipe and
1:09:24
pass it down the line.
1:09:28
>> Speaker B: Ew.
1:09:29
>> Speaker C: Yeah.
1:09:31
>> Speaker A: We're living in the golden age. Well, hey,
1:09:34
uh, I'm going to shut this mess off.
1:09:37
Thank you for being here. Of course. And
1:09:40
for sharing.
1:09:41
>> Speaker B: Yeah, I had fun.
1:09:43
>> Speaker A: Hey, I loved it. Um, I'm going to do the shameful.
1:09:46
I always tell people I feel like the dog in the backyard that's like
1:09:49
squatting to poop. And people are watching him when I do the
1:09:52
outro. But I have to end it somehow.
1:09:55
So I'm going to do the outro, and
1:09:58
I'm here for the flush.
1:10:01
>> Speaker C: Yes.
1:10:01
>> Speaker A: I'll get the mic. I'll let you know. Um,
1:10:04
this has been another episode of Privy. Thank you so much for joining
1:10:07
us. Um, as always, feel free to follow
1:10:10
us on social media at Privycast. Send us an
1:10:13
email. Suggestions? Say what's up? Um,
1:10:16
do whatever you want.
1:10:17
Privycast@gmail.com. As always, we'd
1:10:20
like to thank Kevin McLeod for the use of barroom
1:10:22
ballet as our intro and outro music. You can find
1:10:25
Kevin's music@incompetent.com.
1:10:28
Thanks, Kevin. This has been another episode of
1:10:31
Privy. Thank you so much for joining us. And
1:10:33
now, as always,
1:10:36
don't forget to flush.
1:10:49
>> Speaker C: Now we.