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The Blessings Of A Skinned Knee - Featuring Eva Heyman and Caroline Leventhal of Mic'd and Medicated · Other Peoples Parenting

• 0:00
  Hello, everyone.
• 0:00
  Welcome back to another episode of Other People's Parenting, where we read parenting books and review them for you.
• 0:06
  I'm Skylar Hurwitz, amateur parent, and this is my mom, Karen Quinn, New York Times best selling author and founder of Habit Coach and Testing mom.
• 0:14
  And today we are joined by two lovely ladies from Miketon, Medicated Eva and Caroline.
• 0:20
  Welcome, gals.
• 0:21
  Thank you for having us.
• 0:22
  This feels very official in this studio, like I'm on Oprah.
• 0:28
  Yes, we're very happy to be here.
• 0:29
  Oh, thank you.
• 0:30
  Eva actually suggested the book that we're gonna be covering today, A Blessing.
• 0:34
  The Blessings of a Skinned Knee.
• 0:36
  Yes, the Blessing.
• 0:38
  Well, it's here.
• 0:38
  It's actually right there.
• 0:39
  The Blessing of a Skinned Knee is the book today.
• 0:44
  I actually liked it.
• 0:45
  Wonderful book.
• 0:46
  I really liked your overview.
• 0:47
  So thank you for that.
• 0:48
  That was all teen.
• 0:49
  That's me.
• 0:50
  I'm the organized one.
• 0:51
  Oh, yes.
• 0:52
  Even though I have adhd, I'm totally organized about this because if not, I would forget everything I read.
• 0:58
  So I.
• 0:59
  I read, then I outline, and then I'm good.
• 1:02
  Good.
• 1:02
  But also somebody with adhd.
• 1:04
  This is something you enjoy and are interested in.
• 1:06
  So you actually have hyper focus for this?
• 1:08
  Exactly.
• 1:09
  I can totally focus on that.
• 1:10
  I have ADD too, but I have to medicate to do all, you know, hence our podcast.
• 1:14
  Yes.
• 1:14
  Yeah.
• 1:14
  Oh, wow.
• 1:15
  So we're all adhd.
• 1:16
  We're all medicated.
• 1:18
  We're all medicated here.
• 1:20
  I'm not officially ADHD.
• 1:22
  I've diagnosed.
• 1:23
  Caroline has died.
• 1:24
  Dr.
• 1:25
  Caroline has diagnosed.
• 1:26
  I mean, she'll.
• 1:27
  Eva will pick up her dog and say.
• 1:30
  And I'll be on the phone with her.
• 1:31
  I'm like, oh, okay.
• 1:31
  You walked bunny.
• 1:32
  Great.
• 1:32
  Did you feed her?
• 1:33
  And she's like, no, but I walked her.
• 1:35
  I'm like, I don't understand how that's for one day.
• 1:38
  Right?
• 1:39
  She's like, you're right.
• 1:40
  I should probably feed her.
• 1:41
  But like, she will be, you know, ready for recording in five minutes and organized.
• 1:45
  Oh, gosh, that's good.
• 1:47
  My mom actually didn't get diagnosed until what, like two years ago?
• 1:50
  Yeah, I was really old when I got diagnosed.
• 1:52
  They say it's hereditary, right?
• 1:54
  Oh, highly genetic.
• 1:56
  80 to 90% of people who have it inherited it from a parent.
• 1:59
  And it's become a massive underdiagnosed phenomenon in women, middle aged women.
• 2:06
  I think technology has also made it where to cope with all the stimuli.
• 2:10
  It's almost like you have to be attention deficit because you're just like, it's impossible.
• 2:15
  There's so much Coming at you.
• 2:17
  It's hard for kids.
• 2:18
  I feel really bad for them.
• 2:19
  Yeah.
• 2:19
  I got diagnosed when they didn't have any of that stuff, so I have, like, real vintage add.
• 2:23
  I didn't put you on Ritalin.
• 2:25
  Oh, yeah.
• 2:26
  But then I spit it out.
• 2:27
  Yeah.
• 2:28
  My mom used to put mine in pudding.
• 2:30
  I did ice cream.
• 2:31
  My mom put it in ice cream.
• 2:32
  But I look at us now, but I will.
• 2:34
  With medication.
• 2:37
  Teen.
• 2:37
  You said it was hard for kids, but I will say I think it's hard for kids going through a conventional school or learning environment.
• 2:44
  But actually, there's so much data that entrepreneurs are highly correlated with being ADHD, because when you are interested in something, you go 100 million percent into it.
• 2:56
  And I think it's Alex Karp.
• 2:58
  There's a lot of people making predictions now that with AI, actually, the kids who are neurodivergent who have ADHD to rule the future.
• 3:05
  Because it's no longer going to be about, like, how well you can, like, read, write, study like a monkey within the lines.
• 3:11
  It's the people who are the big original thinkers, can connect dots from different.
• 3:15
  Congratulations, guys.
• 3:16
  Thank you.
• 3:16
  Thank you.
• 3:17
  It's good to be here in the future.
• 3:20
  It was not fun when we were taking the SATs or any of the practice tests you offer, but very fun.
• 3:26
  Now.
• 3:26
  I don't even think I, like, got a good enough score on the SAT to get into a college.
• 3:31
  Did I get accepted into any colleges?
• 3:32
  We didn't even try.
• 3:33
  Where you go to?
• 3:34
  I didn't.
• 3:35
  I went to conservatory because it was the musician.
• 3:39
  An actor.
• 3:40
  Yeah.
• 3:41
  Actually, I was at first thinking that was for nuns.
• 3:43
  I was like, no, that's something else.
• 3:46
  But it's a convent.
• 3:48
  It's a convent.
• 3:49
  Now I don't feel so bad about myself because Caroline and I have a podcast as well.
• 3:53
  Miked and Medicated, which we love.
• 3:55
  We've been watching you, and I've been thinking how you project, how you hold yourself.
• 4:00
  Like, now it makes sense that you have acting experience and background.
• 4:06
  It's useful for so many things.
• 4:08
  Like, a lot of.
• 4:09
  There was one guy in my conservatory who was actually a lawyer, but he really struggled at trial, so he went to a conservatory at night so that he could learn to be comfortable and speak in front of big
• 4:20
  groups of people.
• 4:20
  That's brilliant.
• 4:21
  I know.
• 4:21
  And he was much better for it.
• 4:23
  He really learned how to be emotional or get people to feel a tragedy or bond with you.
• 4:30
  Yeah.
• 4:30
  Because that's the whole thing.
• 4:31
  I mean, trial law is what it's storytelling oh, yeah.
• 4:34
  Pete's also a lawyer.
• 4:35
  Yeah.
• 4:35
  Well, that's.
• 4:37
  I'm sorry.
• 4:37
  I didn't believe the ADD life is.
• 4:39
  You know, I do so many different things, and I've done so many different things, and I think it's the adhd.
• 4:44
  It's like, I just sort of go from one thing to another to an.
• 4:48
  You know, I've just had different careers and a lot of it.
• 4:51
  It's like my whole life was explained.
• 4:53
  When they gave me the diagnosis, I'm like, wow.
• 4:56
  Oh, now I get it.
• 4:58
  You know, I totally understand.
• 5:00
  Whereas I didn't before.
• 5:01
  Like, why am I always wanting to do some new thing?
• 5:05
  It's.
• 5:05
  Do you know how many hobbies I've started?
• 5:08
  But you have the follow through, too.
• 5:10
  So either you early on figured out how to build the kind of executive function scaffolding that you needed to do it, or you're like, an amazing ADHD person.
• 5:18
  Because I try a lot, but the follow through is the hard part.
• 5:22
  Yeah.
• 5:22
  Or where was your deficit?
• 5:23
  Like, was it at home?
• 5:25
  Well, let's see.
• 5:26
  Memory is a big one.
• 5:27
  My memory gets lost.
• 5:29
  Terrible.
• 5:29
  I might.
• 5:30
  Well, yeah, I forget where.
• 5:31
  I forget everything.
• 5:33
  Yeah.
• 5:34
  So it's very hard to study for a test.
• 5:37
  So that.
• 5:38
  That was a really big deficit, the memory, but, you know, just the organ.
• 5:43
  I'm not organized, although I am here, which is funny, but in real life, I'm very unorganized.
• 5:50
  Just think if you had how many more things you would have been not just a lawyer, you would have been a doctor.
• 5:55
  You would have made five books that were the bestseller.
• 5:57
  I agree, though, because this is helping me realize I probably do have adhd.
• 6:02
  Because I was an excellent student.
• 6:05
  I rose the corporate ladder and spent 30 years.
• 6:08
  I used to always joke with people because people who knew me in my personal life couldn't believe that I was this badass, you know, executive.
• 6:15
  Because at home, I, like, didn't open mail.
• 6:17
  I didn't.
• 6:18
  Like, my husband.
• 6:19
  You can't read instructions.
• 6:20
  Like, I am a 1950s housewife.
• 6:22
  Like, if my husband drops dead, God forbid.
• 6:25
  I don't even know how to.
• 6:26
  Like, I don't know where the keys to my home are.
• 6:28
  Like, he.
• 6:28
  He manages everything.
• 6:29
  But you don't cook or pay the bills or clean.
• 6:32
  That's my point.
• 6:33
  Yeah, And I like that, too.
• 6:35
  Yeah, right.
• 6:36
  Well, they loved Quaaludes.
• 6:38
  Yeah.
• 6:39
  I mean, we're a little off topic.
• 6:42
  No, please, it's fine.
• 6:43
  We meander we.
• 6:45
  Because of this book.
• 6:46
  You know, I know they mentioned a lot about being as a parent you have to set boundaries and order.
• 6:50
  And, like, was that hard as a parent with add, we had no rules.
• 6:55
  I, I was not.
• 6:56
  Yeah.
• 6:57
  I didn't set.
• 6:57
  I didn't structure anything.
• 6:59
  I, I, looking back, thank God we had a wonderful nanny who was with us the whole time until I was,.
• 7:05
  Like, well into my teens.
• 7:07
  Yeah.
• 7:07
  And she was kind of the rule maker, and she kept the kids in line more than my husband and I.
• 7:14
  We did our best.
• 7:16
  You were like, pals.
• 7:17
  Oh, I hope not.
• 7:18
  I mean, I know you were, but.
• 7:20
  Not in, like, not in.
• 7:21
  Can we just talk about what you call your mom?
• 7:23
  Yes.
• 7:23
  Yes.
• 7:23
  Oh, okay.
• 7:24
  People wonder about this, the origin story of Teen.
• 7:27
  Well, you don't call her mom, so that sets the record for how the boundaries were.
• 7:30
  Yeah.
• 7:31
  This is very relevant to the book.
• 7:32
  I have been teen for a long time.
• 7:34
  I know.
• 7:35
  Well, what happened?
• 7:36
  Okay, here's what it is.
• 7:38
  My husband, when I.
• 7:40
  When we were dating.
• 7:41
  Now I'm married 48 years, so I'm.
• 7:44
  Oh, great.
• 7:44
  I am married longer than all of you are alive.
• 7:47
  Nope.
• 7:47
  She's old.
• 7:48
  Eva's older.
• 7:49
  Sorry.
• 7:49
  You look so good.
• 7:50
  You look bad.
• 7:51
  Thank you.
• 7:52
  I like saying that because you look good.
• 7:53
  You look great.
• 7:54
  Anyway, okay, so I'm.
• 7:56
  I'm married that many years, but this was like 50 years ago when we met.
• 8:00
  My father had a dog named Tina, who was the cutest dog ever, a Lhasa apsa.
• 8:06
  And so Mark used to call me Teen, after Tina the dog.
• 8:10
  That was his nickname for me.
• 8:12
  Wow.
• 8:13
  And he just thought she was so cute.
• 8:15
  And so he'd call me Teen.
• 8:16
  And then somehow I started calling him Teen.
• 8:19
  And so we would call each other Teen.
• 8:20
  It's like a pet name.
• 8:22
  And then literally, no pun intended.
• 8:26
  And then suddenly our kids were calling us Teen.
• 8:29
  Me Teen.
• 8:30
  They all call me Teen.
• 8:31
  I think for a while we thought that that was both of your names.
• 8:35
  Well, it's, like, funny, but it never corrected it.
• 8:39
  You just went like, I.
• 8:40
  Was that going to be your grandma name?
• 8:42
  Because that's a big deal, picking your grandma.
• 8:44
  I'm going to be Grandma Team.
• 8:45
  I think you should be.
• 8:46
  Yeah, you can be gt, like gin and tonic.
• 8:49
  I like Teen.
• 8:50
  Teen.
• 8:51
  Teen.
• 8:51
  I don't know.
• 8:52
  I think that's where kids kind of come up with that.
• 8:55
  Yeah.
• 8:55
  Or my granddaughter can't talk yet that well, so she has to pick it.
• 9:00
  Right?
• 9:01
  Yeah.
• 9:01
  Fifteen months.
• 9:02
  I'd be.
• 9:03
  No, I'd be a formal if she was.
• 9:05
  I think it'd be really fatty if you were like, grandmother, because, like, you were.
• 9:08
  You didn't even.
• 9:09
  You weren't even Mom.
• 9:09
  Yeah.
• 9:10
  She was growing up, so you just kind of went the opposite.
• 9:12
  Yeah.
• 9:12
  So that's.
• 9:13
  That's the origin of the name.
• 9:14
  So I just.
• 9:15
  Amazing.
• 9:17
  Yeah.
• 9:17
  He's very formal.
• 9:18
  Dad.
• 9:19
  Yeah.
• 9:20
  Well, yeah, but we call him teen.
• 9:22
  We do.
• 9:23
  He is also teen.
• 9:24
  I love that.
• 9:24
  Yeah.
• 9:25
  But anyways.
• 9:26
  Yeah.
• 9:27
  Yeah.
• 9:27
  Anyway, should we get to the book?
• 9:28
  Let's get to the book and we can talk about the different.
• 9:30
  This is a.
• 9:31
  This is a good book.
• 9:32
  We loved this book.
• 9:33
  We really did.
• 9:34
  Because we've covered several books that lean a little more Christian that we didn't really intend to.
• 9:40
  They just sort of, like, halfway through, they started talking about a lot, and you're like, okay, the guy who wrote this is a pastor.
• 9:47
  Great.
• 9:48
  But this one leans a little more Jewish, which feels to me a bit more like my style of parenting as a Jewish mom.
• 9:56
  And even though this book is From, I think, 2001, so much of it still feels incredibly relevant.
• 10:02
  And I remember talking to you about this, because my dad is Protestant, but not religious at all, but my mom is Jewish.
• 10:09
  And I thought about, you know, now that I have a daughter, how am I going to incorporate Jewish practices and customs into our life so that she understands, you know, what she comes from?
• 10:19
  And you told me once that it was so much harder to do for us because you were doing it on your own.
• 10:24
  Right, right.
• 10:25
  It was because my husband, he didn't object to it, but I was trying to take them to temple by myself.
• 10:32
  He didn't want to go, so.
• 10:34
  Yeah.
• 10:34
  And then you had trouble with Hebrew school.
• 10:37
  I was kicked out of Hebrew school.
• 10:39
  All of us.
• 10:39
  What did you not like?
• 10:40
  I don't remember, but I actually got kicked out of five schools.
• 10:44
  Well, yeah, she.
• 10:45
  She had lots of learning disabilities, and.
• 10:47
  Yeah.
• 10:47
  So you know it.
• 10:48
  And so one.
• 10:49
  That was.
• 10:50
  That was an adventure.
• 10:51
  But.
• 10:52
  But you're such a badass now.
• 10:53
  I kind of love it because one of them are allowed to curse.
• 10:56
  Eva.
• 10:56
  Oh, sorry.
• 10:57
  It's okay.
• 10:57
  Okay.
• 10:58
  I can't believe I'm the one to tell him.
• 11:00
  So I.
• 11:01
  I have read the book, but it was many years ago.
• 11:04
  And thank you for the spark notes, because I was able to, you know, go through it again.
• 11:07
  But one of the things that I love and I think about a lot as a parent and even just like everyone is your greatest strength is often also your greatest weakness.
• 11:18
  It's.
• 11:18
  It's two sides of the same coin.
• 11:20
  So what probably made you, I'm gonna say, difficult as a kid, makes you so compelling as a woman.
• 11:27
  Because when.
• 11:29
  When somebody is, you know, knows who they are or strong willed, like you take those qualities, which can be bad because it can mean you're stubborn, you're unwilling to compromise, but then it can also make you know what
• 11:40
  you want, like be motivated and aggressive and action oriented.
• 11:45
  So that's one of the things in the book that I love.
• 11:48
  And it sounds like you were like that as a child, which now makes sense seeing how you rallied all of us and directed DJ to organize.
• 11:56
  You're very organized.
• 11:57
  Because we were not even get into the book until you guys were like, we are here for a book.
• 12:02
  But going the Jewish part.
• 12:03
  Sorry to go back.
• 12:06
  I couldn't agree more that it's like you really want to make sure.
• 12:09
  Especially in today's era of.
• 12:10
  I would say Eva And I are October 8th Jews, you know, of passing that tradition.
• 12:15
  And I wasn't able to do it at home.
• 12:16
  And I moved my kids out of New York into Miami at a Jewish school.
• 12:20
  Not religious, but.
• 12:22
  And I'm learning more from them because Hebrew school traditionally is not a great place.
• 12:26
  No one wants to go.
• 12:27
  It's also.
• 12:28
  They always host it in the stalest possible room they can find.
• 12:32
  It's true.
• 12:33
  It's like a hospital lighting.
• 12:33
  It is worse.
• 12:35
  I never got kicked out, but I didn't go to Hebrew school.
• 12:37
  My parents didn't get kicked out.
• 12:41
  My parents would dropped me.
• 12:42
  And there was Hebrew school's door on the left and on the right was this hill into the woods.
• 12:46
  And I used to go into the woods by myself and just.
• 12:49
  And find God.
• 12:50
  Wander.
• 12:51
  I'm searching, but wander around.
• 12:55
  So I guess.
• 12:56
  But at the same time I was a rule follower.
• 12:58
  But like to go to what you're saying about.
• 13:00
  I think what's great about this book in my mind is yes, it's.
• 13:04
  It talks about the Jewish values as principles for parenting.
• 13:07
  But like ultimately, one of the reasons Judaism makes so much sense to me is that it's not really.
• 13:14
  It's logical, it's practical.
• 13:15
  And so the wisdom she shares in the book, to me, whether you're Jewish or not, I think these are just valuable lessons and frameworks to have as you're raising your kid to be a kind of kind, compassionate, you
• 13:30
  know, citizen of the world.
• 13:31
  Yeah.
• 13:32
  And be present.
• 13:32
  Which I find is important that the book.
• 13:35
  And that's what the reviews say.
• 13:36
  If you look at the reviews, it's.
• 13:38
  Like, are you on Ambush?
• 13:39
  I went on Amazon and they did.
• 13:40
  You look at Reddit?
• 13:41
  No, I didn't look at Reddit's a good.
• 13:43
  Reddit's a spiral.
• 13:44
  I don't like Reddit.
• 13:44
  I love Red.
• 13:45
  Oh, you do?
• 13:46
  I do.
• 13:46
  Good information.
• 13:48
  I've had, like, some pretty niche situations in my life, and literally no one can offer me guidance, even Claude.
• 13:55
  I can't go to AI.
• 13:56
  That freaks me out.
• 13:56
  I feel like it's storing all.
• 13:58
  No, AI pulls from Reddit.
• 14:01
  Yes, it does.
• 14:02
  Oh, my God, it does.
• 14:05
  I know that Claudia's my best.
• 14:08
  Okay, maybe I'll get it.
• 14:10
  My husband's obsessed.
• 14:10
  He got, like, the premium one.
• 14:12
  Me too.
• 14:12
  I don't know.
• 14:13
  What if I'm using all the features?
• 14:15
  But he loves to show me spreadsheets that he makes for our house, and I just, like, disassociate.
• 14:20
  It's also great if you want to tell your husband that he was wrong in an argument, you know, you just pull it up.
• 14:25
  God will tell you.
• 14:25
  Yeah.
• 14:26
  You were right, Caroline.
• 14:27
  You were right, Caroline.
• 14:27
  Yeah.
• 14:28
  It makes you feel good.
• 14:28
  Yeah.
• 14:29
  I have to tell you something.
• 14:30
  When he talked about going into the woods, that just reminded me I had forgotten about this.
• 14:35
  I used to get dropped off for Sunday school, and my friend and I would meet kind of like in.
• 14:42
  In front of the temple, and then we'd go to a coffee shop that was nearby, and we'd spend the whole time.
• 14:48
  I can't believe they let us.
• 14:49
  But we.
• 14:50
  These two little girls would walk in to this coffee shop and order pie and desserts.
• 14:55
  Texas in the 60s, but still.
• 14:58
  Where in Texas?
• 14:59
  San Antonio and Austin.
• 15:01
  This was in San Antonio.
• 15:02
  My oldest son is in Austin right now.
• 15:05
  He's at UT Austin.
• 15:06
  Oh, good school.
• 15:07
  Didn't go there.
• 15:08
  I started there.
• 15:09
  Yes, Austin is the best city.
• 15:11
  You should be able to sign up.
• 15:12
  You should be able to sign up for.
• 15:13
  If you lived in Texas.
• 15:14
  I know.
• 15:14
  Same with the.
• 15:15
  Were just like an aptitude test.
• 15:16
  Yeah, well, that's the other thing.
• 15:18
  Sorry, just.
• 15:19
  And I know you like to do the book in order, but the.
• 15:21
  The other thing I pulled out of this book.
• 15:23
  Who has ADD now?
• 15:24
  Your child is not your masterpiece.
• 15:27
  And growing up, that's, you know, or not even growing up, but raising kids in the city, it feels often like we use our kids, you know, we live through them vicariously.
• 15:37
  Their accomplishments reflect on us and become our accomplishments.
• 15:40
  Their failures become our failures.
• 15:42
  And I think it's trophies in the city.
• 15:43
  Well, it is so hard.
• 15:45
  It's like accessories, almost.
• 15:47
  Like people care so much about where their kids go to school because it's.
• 15:51
  It reflects something to say my kid Goes to X.
• 15:53
  Right.
• 15:54
  And conversely, if your kid doesn't go to a school that's, you know, considered, you know, high reputation, people are like, oh, that's really nice.
• 16:03
  Your kids can.
• 16:04
  I know.
• 16:04
  I hear you get that a lot.
• 16:06
  Yes.
• 16:07
  Because you did.
• 16:07
  I think people are really obnoxious about that.
• 16:09
  They are.
• 16:10
  Hopefully they want to go to good school so they can go to teens.
• 16:12
  Services, they can go to Testing Mom.
• 16:14
  Yeah.
• 16:14
  But I think that's one of the best things you can do as a parent.
• 16:17
  And it's so hard to do, which is like, know that your child comes out their own individual self and they have a temperament and they have a personality.
• 16:25
  And as a parent, your job isn't to, like, mold them into a mini you or.
• 16:29
  Or live vicariously through them.
• 16:30
  And if you weren't, you know, an athlete, make them the best athlete or make sure they're going to Stanford from the age of two.
• 16:36
  But actually just to give them, like, good old fashioned, like, the room and like my friend.
• 16:42
  Well, and structure and boundaries.
• 16:44
  Right, structure and boundaries.
• 16:45
  But like the sunlight, the water, the plants, you know, the opportunities and let them become who they're gonna become.
• 16:51
  And by the way, I'll never forget this parenting expert said this once in a room of a lot of New York City parents.
• 16:57
  Half of your kids in the audience are gonna be average or below because 50% is the center.
• 17:03
  So not everybody's kid is going to be above 50%.
• 17:06
  A lot of them are below, but that doesn't make them any less special and wonderful.
• 17:10
  All types to make a world, right?
• 17:11
  It really does.
• 17:12
  Oh, I love that.
• 17:13
  Yeah, that's a great.
• 17:13
  Did you make up that?
• 17:14
  No, that's from a play.
• 17:15
  I think it's from a Tennessee Williams play.
• 17:17
  I think it's from Cat on a Hudson.
• 17:19
  Oh, really?
• 17:19
  But I'm not sure.
• 17:20
  Whatever.
• 17:21
  That's actually the first chapter of the book.
• 17:23
  So I'll just.
• 17:24
  I'll just say something perfect.
• 17:26
  You went right into the first scene.
• 17:29
  No, but it's like, accept that your children are both ordinary and unique.
• 17:34
  And.
• 17:35
  And she talked about how, you know, lots of parents think that kids are either learning disabled or gifted.
• 17:43
  And a lot of parents are happy when their kids get diagnosed with a learning disability because they think, oh, now we can fix that.
• 17:50
  Well, they're like, this behavior I don't like has an off switch instead of.
• 17:54
  Looking in the mirror, which the book also kind of refers into.
• 17:58
  Absolutely.
• 17:59
  So, yeah.
• 17:59
  So that.
• 18:00
  So anyway, so they talk about this and they say exactly what you said.
• 18:06
  Your Child is not your masterpiece and they're not yours.
• 18:09
  You've just happened.
• 18:12
  Yeah.
• 18:12
  You're the steward of this child.
• 18:15
  That's right.
• 18:16
  And, and they say try to see your child as a seed that comes in a pack without a label.
• 18:21
  And you just give them a good environment and see what kind of comes out of it because you don't know what they're going to become.
• 18:27
  Right.
• 18:28
  You want to foster and nurture.
• 18:29
  It's, it's, it's like a plant.
• 18:31
  You know, I even always say, like a marriage is like a plant is like it's two different plants.
• 18:35
  My husband might be a bas, a cactus.
• 18:37
  I'm a basil plant.
• 18:38
  I need more water.
• 18:39
  He needs less.
• 18:40
  Like, yes, each child is different.
• 18:42
  They might need sunlight less.
• 18:43
  And I think it's really hard, especially in an environment like New York City, because we're not focused on, we're focused on all these external.
• 18:52
  I disagree with you.
• 18:54
  I actually think what you're saying is, is what maybe she's saying don't do, which is, you know, figure out which child you have and like really nurture and over index if your kid needs this or that or this
• 19:05
  or that.
• 19:05
  And what she's saying is like, all kids need sunlight, water, fertile.
• 19:09
  But you don't think some kids need a little more?
• 19:12
  Like you don't real.
• 19:12
  You can, you're gonna, you can tell what some kids need a little more, a little less.
• 19:15
  I believe in the whole, like you can have.
• 19:17
  They say specific.
• 19:18
  They say you can have a dandelion or an orchid, like a dandelion grows in the pavement, doesn't need anything, and against all odds, it will just grow.
• 19:26
  You can't stop it.
• 19:27
  And those are the easy kids because they, no matter what, they're gonna throw them in any environment.
• 19:32
  Then there's the orchids.
• 19:33
  I think Caroline might be more of an orchid and those are the kids who need to be taken care of.
• 19:38
  Orchids can survive a long time.
• 19:40
  They just eat one ice cube a week.
• 19:41
  And let me tell you, I've resurrected a lot of them.
• 19:44
  My orchids die.
• 19:45
  So very good.
• 19:46
  Orchids are meant to be the more temperamental.
• 19:50
  But I will say as a parent of three, I have a 20 year old, an 18 year old and a 13 year old.
• 19:55
  I actually find it very liberating to think that we didn't do much different with the three.
• 20:01
  And they all turned out completely who they are.
• 20:04
  Your last one is still 13.
• 20:06
  We've got time, right?
• 20:07
  But I guess my point being is parents really puts things, thinks they have such a big hand in who their kid becomes.
• 20:12
  And that is a lot of pressure and stress.
• 20:14
  Like, am I parenting well?
• 20:15
  Am I doing enough?
• 20:15
  Am I doing too much?
• 20:16
  Like, all.
• 20:17
  Like, I made a mistake.
• 20:18
  And I actually find it very freeing to think your kid's gonna become who they become and just good enough parenting is the best.
• 20:24
  I don't know.
• 20:25
  Wendy doesn't necessarily say that, but you're.
• 20:26
  We're gonna get into the chapters, right?
• 20:29
  A little bit more of a tone of.
• 20:30
  Well, she's.
• 20:31
  She gives you a lot of rules.
• 20:34
  Not rules, no boundaries.
• 20:35
  I like these kind of guidance.
• 20:36
  Yeah.
• 20:37
  Your kid's not your friend.
• 20:38
  You can't call your mom.
• 20:39
  I mean, she's.
• 20:40
  Yeah, like I should have.
• 20:42
  We failed at that.
• 20:42
  Well, you didn't fail, teen.
• 20:44
  I failed.
• 20:46
  No two kids are alike, so why did I think they could learn the same?
• 20:51
  Testingmom.com came into my life as I geared up to prepare my son for his G and T testing.
• 20:56
  There were games for him, there were quizzes.
• 20:58
  And in the end, he aced his testing.
• 21:01
  Then came my second.
• 21:03
  I once again turned to testingmom.com she was able to work with tutors who engaged her and challenged her.
• 21:09
  Her.
• 21:09
  She earned her place in the gifted and talented program.
• 21:12
  When middle school and high school testing arrived, we were very grateful for testingmom.com's resources again.
• 21:18
  They have been a constant in our lives because of how they impacted my kids educational journey.
• 21:23
  I have seen firsthand what a difference it can make to a family.
• 21:31
  I have to give teens so much credit because I was a tremendously difficult kid, and difficult in the sense that, like, she was constantly getting letters from teachers, like, school.
• 21:39
  I was being asked to leave schools every event.
• 21:41
  Did you kind of love it deep down?
• 21:43
  Like, my daughter's gonna rule the world.
• 21:44
  Really.
• 21:44
  You know, I didn't realize it.
• 21:47
  She was like, are there any schools left?
• 21:49
  Yeah, I mean, I.
• 21:50
  I remember there was one school who wrote us a letter and.
• 21:54
  And essentially said, you know, you were failing.
• 21:56
  This probably wasn't the school for you.
• 21:58
  Whatever.
• 21:58
  That's when we made the decision to move to Miami.
• 22:02
  And we said, we'll go to Miami.
• 22:03
  We'll find a school there.
• 22:05
  Skylar can go to school there.
• 22:06
  And when I went back to the school to say, okay, we're moving.
• 22:10
  We got your letter, you know, whatever.
• 22:12
  And they said, what?
• 22:14
  Why?
• 22:15
  And.
• 22:15
  And I'm like, well, you sent us that letter that said she was not doing well and she couldn't succeed here.
• 22:20
  And they were like, we were just Trying to scare her.
• 22:23
  Also this school, for the record, your.
• 22:25
  Whole life for that letter.
• 22:27
  By then it was too late.
• 22:28
  We had.
• 22:29
  We had bought a house.
• 22:30
  We were on a plane.
• 22:31
  Where was that school?
• 22:33
  Oh, it was uptown, Upper West.
• 22:34
  But what's crazy about that school also is the principal had an affair.
• 22:37
  Was it Trinity?
• 22:39
  A year younger than me.
• 22:41
  He lied about being on the Olympic Canadian cycling.
• 22:45
  Details.
• 22:45
  Oh, let's talk.
• 22:46
  You're have to edit.
• 22:47
  Listen, it's in the news, girl.
• 22:48
  It is public.
• 22:49
  I know it's public, right To Medicaid.
• 22:51
  Blame it on us, the country.
• 22:53
  So that school, I could do without it.
• 22:56
  Yeah, it was a bad experience, but they had to scare us.
• 22:59
  And we literally changed our whole lives.
• 23:01
  That's really good to move because of.
• 23:05
  To accommodate, because we wanted.
• 23:07
  I don't think Wendy would do that either.
• 23:09
  No, Wendy would have been like, girl, there's got to be another public school.
• 23:13
  Well, let's keep going, because I think Wendy is more about there being respect of mom and dad, there being boundaries in terms of how kids are raised.
• 23:22
  Because the next chapter is you have the blessing of having someone to look up to.
• 23:27
  Honoring your mother and father.
• 23:29
  That was perfect.
• 23:30
  That's in the center of the Torah.
• 23:31
  It's the most important.
• 23:33
  It's very, very important.
• 23:34
  And she says, okay.
• 23:35
  So many parents complain that their children don't respect them, but at the same time, they feel guilty demanding respect from them because they haven't.
• 23:45
  They don't want to be the authority figure.
• 23:47
  So your job is to guide your kids, and you can only guide them if they respect you.
• 23:54
  So but you have to start teaching them, ideally, when they're young, because then they'll respect you all the way through.
• 24:01
  My favorite, I think, in that chapter is she said, you're allowed to say.
• 24:03
  Because I said so.
• 24:04
  Yes, I say that all the time.
• 24:06
  And these gentle parenting experts are like, how are you feeling?
• 24:10
  I know that must have upset you.
• 24:12
  No, I'm your parent, and you can't freaking do that.
• 24:15
  No, I know that because I said so.
• 24:17
  Because I'm older and you don't pay me rent and you live here for free.
• 24:21
  Exactly.
• 24:21
  Which you're welcome.
• 24:22
  That is enough.
• 24:23
  That is enough.
• 24:24
  Yeah.
• 24:25
  No.
• 24:25
  And she says it's important to involve your own parents in your life and treat them well so that they get a good model on how to treat their parents.
• 24:37
  Yes.
• 24:38
  So that's very important.
• 24:40
  I feel so lucky because my mom is so close and my husband's parents are so close, and so my daughter is being throughout.
• 24:46
  So Many generations, even her great grandmother.
• 24:48
  And it's amazing.
• 24:49
  It's such a blessing.
• 24:50
  It's really such a blessing.
• 24:51
  That's another reason I moved to.
• 24:52
  My parents are snowbirds in Miami.
• 24:55
  It's great.
• 24:55
  I mean, they're, you know, helpful, involved, and they see, you know, I think I'm a good daughter 89% of the time.
• 25:01
  I'm sure you are.
• 25:02
  Sure.
• 25:03
  You're a great daughter.
• 25:04
  Well, and.
• 25:04
  And.
• 25:05
  And when she talks about.
• 25:06
  Because I said so being a perfectly justifiable response, she says is don't try to rationalize with your kids.
• 25:13
  And I think that's such good advice, because especially younger kids, they don't want to hear it.
• 25:18
  They're not.
• 25:18
  They can't handle the rationalization of it.
• 25:20
  I mean, they need to learn that.
• 25:23
  That's right.
• 25:23
  That is enough.
• 25:24
  I know, but our generation is being bombarded with the opposite of, like, this.
• 25:29
  Treat them with respect.
• 25:30
  They're just mini humans.
• 25:31
  Like, no, they're my mini human who needs to.
• 25:34
  They need to listen.
• 25:35
  So they.
• 25:36
  Because the world doesn't work, you know, around them.
• 25:39
  So I think I fell prey to this a little, because when I was raising my kids, it wasn't that you.
• 25:45
  It wasn't like, treat them like many people, but it was explain the why.
• 25:49
  So kids are smart enough to understand.
• 25:52
  And you.
• 25:53
  If you just say, because I said so, that doesn't feel fair to them.
• 25:56
  But if you say, because mommy doesn't feel it's safe for you to go over to that person's house or whatever it might be.
• 26:02
  But I agree that I think that opens up a negotiation.
• 26:07
  And I definitely find.
• 26:09
  And you know, when my kids were little, like, they were really savvy negotiators, literally.
• 26:15
  And then all of a sudden, you.
• 26:16
  You're losing a negotiation.
• 26:17
  So I think what she's saying is, like, cut it off at the past.
• 26:20
  They respect you.
• 26:21
  Your word is.
• 26:22
  But I think that's really hard to do.
• 26:23
  Like, I.
• 26:24
  I think it's okay to say.
• 26:25
  She did say it is okay to give a little bit of a reason.
• 26:28
  Like, you can't have that pair of shoes because you already have several pairs of shoes.
• 26:33
  So that's okay.
• 26:34
  But.
• 26:34
  And then, like, yeah, enough.
• 26:38
  It's not always my initial.
• 26:40
  Less is more.
• 26:41
  Yeah.
• 26:41
  I always say, like, one of my favorite parenting idioms is less is more.
• 26:45
  Like, the more you talk in any situation, like, the worse it gets.
• 26:48
  Yeah, right.
• 26:48
  Yeah, exactly.
• 26:51
  And they can also, if they're young, have those tantrums.
• 26:54
  You don't have to give in but you can allow them to express themselves.
• 26:57
  Yes.
• 26:58
  I feel like that was also kind of emphasized in the book too.
• 27:00
  And.
• 27:01
  And she also talks about how early on, try to teach them them ways to show respect.
• 27:07
  Like use your parents title, like, dad, can I leave the table?
• 27:14
  Okay.
• 27:15
  And kids should learn to say, yes, please.
• 27:17
  No, thank you when they're leaving.
• 27:20
  Goodbye, mom.
• 27:22
  Eye contact.
• 27:23
  Eye contact.
• 27:24
  Yes.
• 27:25
  When someone asks for food or when you're getting your own food, does anyone else need something?
• 27:31
  So teach them those kinds of manners and teach them when they're being rude and.
• 27:37
  And not.
• 27:37
  You don't want to allow that.
• 27:40
  And didn't she also say, though, when you are teaching them, I found this interesting that they are doing something wrong to try to do it privately, like, not in the moment.
• 27:49
  You want to humiliate that.
• 27:50
  Right.
• 27:50
  Which I feel like I don't have to embarrass them.
• 27:52
  I'm not sure if I think the.
• 27:53
  Big thing with parenting, and it's hard because there's a fine line, is you don't want to shame your kids.
• 27:58
  Yeah, right.
• 27:59
  So if you, you know, berate them in front of people, it can feel like I'm a bad person.
• 28:05
  Like, I love the two thumb, the two fists.
• 28:09
  Like, this is you.
• 28:10
  This is your behavior.
• 28:11
  You're always perfect and great.
• 28:13
  Your behavior can be bad.
• 28:14
  I like that.
• 28:15
  That's.
• 28:15
  That's nice.
• 28:16
  That's a good one, huh?
• 28:17
  Absolutely.
• 28:18
  I might work for husbands, too.
• 28:20
  Yeah, a lot of this works for husbands.
• 28:23
  You know, one thing that you said that my mom and I talk about this all the time, is comparing parenting and dog training.
• 28:30
  Oh, yeah.
• 28:30
  And unfortunately.
• 28:31
  Yeah.
• 28:32
  I mean, it's like, listen, Cesar Milan has a lot of wisdom.
• 28:36
  I have a Cesar Milan story.
• 28:37
  Actually.
• 28:38
  My parents were at some benefit and they won an hour with Cesar Millan.
• 28:43
  Oh, my God.
• 28:44
  And yes.
• 28:45
  And my childhood terrier, Napoleon, he misbehaved.
• 28:49
  He was a feisty little terrier.
• 28:52
  And he gets up on the stage with Cesar Millan and he's like an angel.
• 28:56
  And Cesar says to my parents, it's not him, it's you guys.
• 29:01
  You are the problem.
• 29:02
  That's always the case.
• 29:03
  Oh, yeah.
• 29:04
  Which is kind of also what Wendy is saying too is like, if your children are disrespectful or if they act spoiled, like maybe be at something, you're doing that.
• 29:12
  Right.
• 29:12
  Something else really important, like when you brought up the dog training and the husbands positive affirmation.
• 29:18
  So what we were also taught, like, when I was raising my kids, and I think she mentions this in the book as well is you always want to praise the positive and ignore the bad because kids just are
• 29:29
  attention seeking.
• 29:30
  Yeah.
• 29:30
  So if you're ignoring the bad behavior it likely won't get any feedback and if it's not getting any feedback it'll go away.
• 29:37
  Whereas if the kid is saying please and thank you and you're not like praising them for that but then, then every time they throw their food on the floor, you're yelling at them for that.
• 29:44
  They're learning what things you care about and what things you're focused on.
• 29:47
  Oh yeah.
• 29:48
  Yeah.
• 29:48
  Really?
• 29:49
  That shit's hard being a parent.
• 29:50
  It is, it is.
• 29:52
  So glad you guys read these books for everybody.
• 29:54
  I know.
• 29:54
  Well that's the whole idea.
• 29:55
  I I really it.
• 29:57
  They are so long.
• 29:58
  They have so long and and so similar.
• 30:01
  Yeah.
• 30:01
  I think everyone.
• 30:02
  That's why the religion earlier ideas.
• 30:05
  It's really crazy.
• 30:06
  Yeah.
• 30:06
  Like this one, the Torah.
• 30:07
  Something original.
• 30:08
  Yeah.
• 30:08
  Well no, this one is real.
• 30:10
  But like don't you feel like a lot of books are ver of other books?
• 30:14
  Most of them are.
• 30:15
  Especially the punishment driven books.
• 30:17
  It's all one version of other versions of the same.
• 30:20
  Have you read one two three Magic?
• 30:22
  Don't.
• 30:23
  Don't waste your time.
• 30:24
  Really it is it.
• 30:26
  That book boils my blood.
• 30:28
  Cuz it's all about humiliating your kids public essentially.
• 30:31
  So that's horrible.
• 30:32
  I know where see the grown ups from that.
• 30:34
  I know but what's crazy is you read the reviews people like this works for me.
• 30:38
  I'm like what your poor children.
• 30:40
  Yeah.
• 30:41
  They're gonna grow up to resent you.
• 30:42
  Yeah.
• 30:43
  That is definitely a tight walk.
• 30:46
  You have to.
• 30:46
  Yeah.
• 30:47
  Do with your children.
• 30:48
  Well especially when things happen in public like you know when, when they misbehave in public.
• 30:53
  How do you like.
• 30:54
  But I think you have to discipline your kid for your kid, not for your audience.
• 30:58
  You know what I mean?
• 30:59
  You can tell when a parent is.
• 31:00
  Doing it for putting on a show in a parking lot.
• 31:02
  Actually good advice I once found is like when especially when your kids are little, they do something wrong or they're fighting with the children child.
• 31:09
  They don't necessarily want to say I'm sorry.
• 31:11
  So like you can say I'm sorry for them.
• 31:12
  Yeah.
• 31:13
  Like you're like I'm sorry that that happened.
• 31:15
  Just model it.
• 31:15
  You don't have to force them.
• 31:16
  Right.
• 31:17
  So it's all really about us like Cesar Milan said.
• 31:20
  Yes.
• 31:20
  Which is scary because I don't know if I'm always on the best behavior but.
• 31:23
  Well, it's like what they say.
• 31:25
  You can't change somebody else.
• 31:26
  You can change yourself.
• 31:27
  And in a dynamic with two people, if you do the work to change yourself, the whole dynamic shifts.
• 31:32
  You don't even need the other person to participate to make a change, Right?
• 31:36
  A little bit.
• 31:37
  I don't know.
• 31:38
  I found it really worked.
• 31:39
  I did the work, and I found my relationship with all my kids changed.
• 31:43
  One thing I try and do, I do this with my husband a lot.
• 31:45
  If there's ever something I want him to do, I tell him he's already doing it, and it makes me happy.
• 31:52
  And then he does it, because then he thinks he came up with it on his own.
• 31:58
  Ooh, wow.
• 31:58
  I hope he doesn't hear this podcast.
• 32:00
  Oh, girl, he does not listen to this podcast.
• 32:01
  I love my husband, but he's very busy.
• 32:04
  He's busy on other things.
• 32:05
  Okay.
• 32:06
  I think that's great.
• 32:07
  I come from more of the.
• 32:09
  You're not doing this.
• 32:10
  You're not.
• 32:10
  Which is what you're not supposed to.
• 32:11
  Do with your kids.
• 32:12
  Right?
• 32:12
  Right.
• 32:12
  Wendy's, she says that.
• 32:14
  Yeah.
• 32:14
  I think that creates.
• 32:15
  What is it?
• 32:16
  The Chinese finger trap.
• 32:17
  Right.
• 32:17
  The more you pull apart, the tighter it gets.
• 32:19
  But if you push it together, you can actually get your fingers out.
• 32:22
  Yeah.
• 32:22
  You don't create more resistance.
• 32:25
  I'm very good at getting a rubber band to almost snap with my husband.
• 32:29
  I think it's cause it's built up.
• 32:30
  I try to be kind of patient and like this with my children.
• 32:33
  So then my husband comes home, I'm like, yeah, you know, it all comes out.
• 32:37
  Oh, God.
• 32:38
  Okay, well, so now we'll get into the next chapter, which is the Blessing of a skin knee, the main title, actually, which is, don't overprotect your child.
• 32:47
  Raise hearty children.
• 32:49
  And she says the Talmud sums up that child rearing in one sentence, which is, a father is obligated to teach his son how to swim.
• 32:59
  And the idea is, kids are on loan to us from God.
• 33:03
  Our job is just to raise them, to leave us, us, and to find their own path.
• 33:08
  And if they stay fully protected in the family, they'll be weak and fearful and won't want to leave.
• 33:14
  So we don't want to inoculate them against the pain of life.
• 33:17
  They need to experience pain to grow.
• 33:20
  You are not their cruise director who needs to get them through adulthood without experiencing.
• 33:25
  I love that line.
• 33:26
  Isn't that great?
• 33:27
  Tell some New York City moms that.
• 33:30
  You are not the cruise director.
• 33:31
  You are depriving me if you do that.
• 33:33
  And Bumps are part of God's plan.
• 33:37
  And so.
• 33:39
  Which is so good, to be able to allow your child to struggle and not step in, which is so difficult.
• 33:46
  Very hard.
• 33:47
  Actually, I've been better about this in Miami because my kids have homework, which they're so little, so they didn't really have homework in New York City, which is ironic.
• 33:57
  But my son, I was reluctant.
• 33:59
  He was forgetting a book, and he was like, can you please text his mom?
• 34:02
  And I did it the first time, and I'm like, I'm not doing it again.
• 34:04
  Yes.
• 34:05
  You left your book.
• 34:06
  That's.
• 34:06
  Sorry.
• 34:07
  He's not gonna learn.
• 34:08
  Right?
• 34:09
  That's easy.
• 34:09
  For me, it's when she says things like, go take more than the bunny slope.
• 34:13
  Like, the safety stuff is where I have a harder time of the literal.
• 34:18
  Skin knee is where I really struggle.
• 34:20
  Yeah.
• 34:20
  We read a book by this crazy lady named Lenore Skenazy, and it's called Free Range Children.
• 34:26
  Oh, I know that.
• 34:27
  Yes, yes.
• 34:28
  What's up?
• 34:29
  Like chickens.
• 34:30
  Yeah, but it's free range for children.
• 34:32
  I mean, this lady.
• 34:33
  Go, Zach.
• 34:35
  Yeah.
• 34:35
  She wrote that because it was in response to the helicopter parenting movement that became where we're all on top of our kids, and you learn from your own mistakes and your own failures.
• 34:45
  And we grew up.
• 34:47
  I grew up.
• 34:48
  I grew up in the 80s and my parents had no idea where I was.
• 34:52
  The ads on TV were like, it's 10pm do you know where your child is?
• 34:56
  And we would.
• 34:57
  Everybody had a face on a milk carton.
• 34:59
  We would be out bike riding.
• 35:01
  But like, now, kids have such little freedom because it's either the achievement checklist or it's the safety.
• 35:07
  But you don't grow up.
• 35:10
  It's.
• 35:10
  I personally think it's why we have, you know, a generation who is living at home, who can't launch, doesn't know how to have a job.
• 35:18
  Kids going off to college who don't know how to do their own laundry.
• 35:20
  Like, you have to let your kid go, even if they're going to get, you know, the proverbial skin knee.
• 35:25
  Yes.
• 35:25
  Inspired by.
• 35:26
  Actually, Eva, I think you are very at benign neglect.
• 35:29
  Something I think, you know, Wendy sort of says in terms of the skin knee and go beyond the bunny slope.
• 35:35
  You've got to let your children explore.
• 35:37
  Yeah, right.
• 35:37
  I couldn't do that freely in New York City.
• 35:39
  I was too stressed myself.
• 35:41
  It's hard to let little kids.
• 35:43
  What am I going to do?
• 35:43
  Go here, have fun in Central Park?
• 35:45
  I just went to a different environment.
• 35:47
  And I'm So much.
• 35:48
  It's so much calmer for me to just allow to play.
• 35:52
  I have this sort of internal debate because now that I live in the suburbs, I'm like, oh, okay.
• 35:56
  You know, there aren't that many people around and there's just really woods.
• 36:00
  So, like, if I let my daughter.
• 36:01
  Go off when she's older.
• 36:02
  She's 15 months old.
• 36:03
  Yeah, no, not, not now.
• 36:04
  I was like, I mean, she's what, 18 months?
• 36:07
  She'll just, she's gonna get a job.
• 36:09
  But it's funny, like, in the city, I feel when something is going on with a child in public, there's always other adults around to intervene.
• 36:18
  Whereas in the suburbs, if something's going around and there's some person with a van, no one's gonna see my child get snatched.
• 36:25
  Right.
• 36:25
  Like, I don't know, I don't have a.
• 36:28
  Being a kid in the city, like, what freedom I had when.
• 36:31
  But my whole world was in like a 5 block radius.
• 36:34
  My husband makes this argument because we've been thinking a lot about, you know, city versus suburban raising kids, and they.
• 36:41
  Do a mix like a Miami.
• 36:42
  On the one hand, you're right.
• 36:44
  Like, there's a lot of dangers in the city.
• 36:46
  My husband loves to say the opposite, which is there's always eyes.
• 36:50
  Like, they're a doorman on the street.
• 36:52
  There are shopkeepers.
• 36:53
  Like, you're never alone.
• 36:54
  Right.
• 36:55
  I think, look, I think that's the hardest part about parenting for me is like, your heart is in your throat always.
• 37:01
  Because here's the deal.
• 37:01
  Like, even if you live in some false, you know, delusion that you can protect your kids forever, you can't.
• 37:08
  And whether they're 5 or 50, like, they're.
• 37:11
  They're in the world.
• 37:12
  And so I think the sooner you can, like, let your kids stumble, fall and figure it out themselves, the better off they are.
• 37:18
  And you.
• 37:19
  Yeah.
• 37:19
  By neglect, benign neglect.
• 37:21
  I mean like a birthday party that's in like a Jewish school with security cameras.
• 37:24
  Yeah.
• 37:25
  They're running around the campus, but I know, safe for Central Park.
• 37:27
  Yes.
• 37:28
  You know, like, wait, where.
• 37:29
  Where do they go?
• 37:30
  Yeah, yeah, that's.
• 37:31
  We raised our kids in the city.
• 37:33
  And I.
• 37:33
  Here.
• 37:34
  Yeah.
• 37:34
  Yeah.
• 37:35
  And I, I remember worrying, like, like, when can I let her walk down the street alone?
• 37:42
  And.
• 37:42
  And I remember asking the question at a school assembly, like, can I do it now?
• 37:47
  I mean, I was like.
• 37:48
  But that was more because we.
• 37:51
  My parents were concerned about the judgment of other parents because the community and safety.
• 37:56
  Yeah.
• 37:58
  I feel like the community of the school.
• 38:00
  I went to when I was young.
• 38:01
  People were intense.
• 38:03
  I mean, it was.
• 38:04
  There was a lot of money, a lot of judgment, and like, it was crazy.
• 38:08
  It was crazy.
• 38:09
  Okay, can I just say, I.
• 38:11
  My children have been at similar schools, and I'll never forget that my daughter came out of school at dismissal and said, can we go to McDonald's?
• 38:19
  And I was like, sure.
• 38:20
  And literally, the death stares I got from other parents and the number of kids who would come to my house asking, can we get McDonald's?
• 38:27
  Because they said, I've never had it.
• 38:29
  I'm not allowed to have it at home.
• 38:31
  So I agree with you.
• 38:32
  There's so much parental judgment and even, like, the freedoms you give your kids.
• 38:36
  And I.
• 38:37
  I even feel like I.
• 38:39
  I'm guilty of this where, you know, if you feel like in sixth grade, you're not ready to let your kid take an Uber or a taxi and other people are, you're like, God, I can't believe somebody's letting their
• 38:47
  11 year old get in an Uber.
• 38:48
  But then if you feel comfortable doing it, there's another parent who's not yet comfortable saying that about you.
• 38:53
  And I think, you know, minding your own business.
• 38:56
  And not like you always say to your kid, like, just because Tommy can do it doesn't mean you can do it.
• 39:02
  But then when you invoke, well, nobody else's parents are letting you do it.
• 39:05
  Your kid's like, but you just told me not to look at other families.
• 39:09
  So you can't, like, talk out of both sides of your mouth.
• 39:11
  You have to stay.
• 39:12
  And I think this is something Wendy also covers is always follow through.
• 39:16
  Yeah.
• 39:17
  And be consistent.
• 39:18
  So, you know, don't.
• 39:19
  Don't give punishments that you're not gonna.
• 39:21
  You're not gonna follow through on.
• 39:22
  And same with rules.
• 39:24
  Like, for me, grow.
• 39:25
  My mom was very strict, safety wise.
• 39:27
  Helicopter ate, never ate McDonald's.
• 39:30
  And everybody knew.
• 39:32
  Yeah.
• 39:33
  So she made it clear, which gave me the permission to kind of relax because it wasn't like I was a loser.
• 39:38
  Like, my mom was the strict one.
• 39:40
  Yeah.
• 39:41
  She was nervous, but I was the benchmark.
• 39:43
  If Caroline's doing it, we can all do it.
• 39:45
  That's so funny.
• 39:47
  I was the opposite.
• 39:47
  Yeah.
• 39:48
  Oh, gosh.
• 39:50
  I was the benchmark for the opposite.
• 39:52
  If Skylar's doing it, don't do it.
• 39:57
  Oh, God.
• 39:58
  And she says, you know, just get in the habit of letting your kids solve their own problems.
• 40:04
  Which I remember, like, being with you guys and other kids at the playground and a brother.
• 40:11
  Two brothers were like, you know, fighting with each other.
• 40:14
  And their mother was there just standing there, not even intervening.
• 40:17
  And I'm thinking, why aren't she.
• 40:19
  Why aren't you intervening?
• 40:20
  Why aren't you?
• 40:21
  Look at them.
• 40:22
  They're all over each other on the, you know, on the ground fight.
• 40:24
  She's like, oh, they'll figure out it out.
• 40:26
  And I think, God, that takes a lot of strength to.
• 40:30
  And restraint.
• 40:31
  Restraint.
• 40:32
  Not to just jump in the middle.
• 40:33
  It's kind of like my dog barks all the time.
• 40:36
  I.
• 40:36
  I have a.
• 40:37
  A little.
• 40:37
  It makes you more nervous.
• 40:38
  It makes me.
• 40:39
  And I'm apologizing, by the way.
• 40:41
  Your dog's going to continue to do that because he knows you're nervous.
• 40:45
  That's what happened.
• 40:46
  My first dog, I was.
• 40:47
  Before I was on my anxiety meds, we had to put him on Prozac because I was a mess.
• 40:53
  And so he was a mess.
• 40:54
  And now my dog, now I'm like happily on my great cocktail.
• 40:58
  And she's like a happy, like, oh,.
• 41:00
  I do think your children feed to Caroline's point.
• 41:02
  Your children feed on your energy.
• 41:05
  And so I think if you can.
• 41:06
  I'm nervous.
• 41:07
  Be calm.
• 41:08
  Then they'll be calm.
• 41:10
  And kids learn how to self regulate by co regulating.
• 41:13
  So before they can figure out how to regulate, they're taking your cues.
• 41:16
  And so I think I feel badly.
• 41:18
  I was a very anxious parent to my first two and I'm different with my third.
• 41:22
  And I think it makes a huge difference in how they emotionally soothe.
• 41:27
  Yeah, it's hard.
• 41:28
  We're all, we're all learning.
• 41:30
  I mean, I'm just discovering how to regulate.
• 41:32
  But I also think, and I don't remember if she mentions this.
• 41:35
  I think she does.
• 41:35
  We can also apologize to our kids or talk about say, you know what, I was just upset in that moment.
• 41:40
  I've done that.
• 41:41
  Yeah.
• 41:42
  Have you read Dan Siegel yet?
• 41:44
  Because he talks about repair.
• 41:46
  I think he's like the father of all of this stuff.
• 41:48
  He's an amazing child psychologist.
• 41:50
  But he says, like, when you make a mistake, mistake, as long as you repair and you apologize for it, that's literally as if you did the right thing the first time.
• 41:58
  Like, it's just as good.
• 42:00
  I like it.
• 42:00
  And seagull.
• 42:01
  Oh, we have to look for message.
• 42:03
  Yeah.
• 42:04
  Email.
• 42:04
  Yeah.
• 42:05
  I also think another thing, this way back to the dog training.
• 42:08
  She makes this point where she was like, you know, you really have to show your kids who the alpha is.
• 42:13
  I have only really experienced this with dogs I've had.
• 42:16
  I have two dogs, one dog, dog I was the alpha from day one.
• 42:21
  He knew what it was.
• 42:23
  My second dog, I was so preoccupied being pregnant when we got her and the first dog and all this other stuff she has, she.
• 42:32
  She runs my life like she's more difficult than my baby.
• 42:37
  She's more difficult than any other thing that I have to care for kind of dog.
• 42:40
  She's an English setter and she's actually a huge part of why we moved out of the city because she was just terminally anxious.
• 42:46
  Well, is it too late to fix?
• 42:49
  I think that window's closed.
• 42:50
  Oh, do you think?
• 42:51
  I think you know what?
• 42:52
  We do our best.
• 42:54
  No, we can't though.
• 42:55
  Let's solve it with me.
• 42:57
  Yeah.
• 42:58
  Look, you know what?
• 42:59
  You know, but I actually think what.
• 43:00
  You just said, given you have a 15 month old and re.
• 43:04
  Kind of familiarizing myself with the chapters of this book, I think so much is setting like it in setting it off right to begin with.
• 43:13
  Because I do think the window closes.
• 43:15
  And I think, you know, being the alpha, like, that's really hard to do with your kids when they're teenagers.
• 43:21
  So if you don't establish that when they're toddlers, it's hard to then try later.
• 43:25
  I agree.
• 43:26
  I mean, I was dying.
• 43:27
  She says that in the book, right?
• 43:29
  I was dying laughing when like my dad five years ago was reading like a book about how not to raise a spoiled kid.
• 43:34
  And I'm like, it's too late.
• 43:35
  Yeah.
• 43:36
  What's done is done.
• 43:37
  I'm not me, but my little brother, you know, I'm not spoiled.
• 43:40
  And I'm like, you know, Phil is 35.
• 43:44
  Like, what are you doing?
• 43:45
  He's like, oh, I don't know.
• 43:45
  Better late late than never.
• 43:47
  You know, I.
• 43:48
  No, not with parenting books.
• 43:49
  We're covering one soon.
• 43:51
  I think it's probably that book probably.
• 43:53
  Literally called how to not Raise.
• 43:55
  Cause it's hard.
• 43:56
  Especially now we live in such a material world, especially the Internet.
• 43:59
  Kids have access to so much.
• 44:01
  Parenting is so instant.
• 44:02
  That's been a hard.
• 44:03
  Oh, yeah.
• 44:04
  It's really to try to work on delayed gratification.
• 44:07
  And the other thing that Wendy mentions about creating systems of like reward or this.
• 44:12
  I have.
• 44:13
  I guess it's the add in me.
• 44:14
  I've created like a hundred different sticker charts and I don't follow through on them, you know, of like the reward.
• 44:19
  You do.
• 44:19
  That's so hard.
• 44:20
  Really hard as a parent.
• 44:21
  Yeah.
• 44:22
  Just I have to find a good one.
• 44:24
  If you guys have any advice.
• 44:25
  Well, I think streamlining in general, like, technically, I Work at teens company.
• 44:31
  There are a lot of people who are like you got to get on teams.
• 44:33
  You got to get on asana, you got to get on this.
• 44:35
  And I'm like I have an email address and if you would like to reach me or communicate with me, this is the single place I receive communication.
• 44:42
  Because If I'm checking 47 different receptacles of messages and things will get lost in shuffle.
• 44:49
  That is something you're lucky.
• 44:50
  You're lucky the boss is your mom.
• 44:52
  I am.
• 44:52
  Well, yes, I am.
• 44:53
  Nepotism works for me.
• 44:56
  No, I, I don't disagree.
• 44:58
  But companies today, like if you're out on the last and you're still like I used to do trying to get people to just old fashioned email you.
• 45:05
  Yeah.
• 45:06
  You're they completely.
• 45:07
  Like even we struggled because I think you touched us on our like Caroline or Eva.
• 45:12
  Mike mitigated and it took us a little while.
• 45:14
  Yeah.
• 45:16
  Because email.
• 45:19
  But that's an am thing too.
• 45:20
  Like I can only do one task at a time.
• 45:22
  Me and I'm the same and, and look and I don't use asana either.
• 45:26
  And so I, I don't even know.
• 45:27
  What asana is trying to put us on.
• 45:30
  They all tell each other.
• 45:32
  Everyone tells who's reaching you in the sauna.
• 45:35
  It's crazy.
• 45:37
  It's a thing where everybody can talk to each other and they can work on.
• 45:41
  But that's the thing.
• 45:41
  You can each other everywhere there.
• 45:43
  Well but it helps them.
• 45:45
  They, they like it.
• 45:46
  I, I people like you and I'd rather we get very confused.
• 45:51
  Yeah.
• 45:51
  Having too many places.
• 45:52
  It's a different generation.
• 45:53
  But they're used to technology.
• 45:55
  Yeah, they are.
• 45:56
  That's why they're mentally add because they're like stop.
• 45:59
  Yeah.
• 46:00
  They check everything.
• 46:01
  Yeah.
• 46:02
  They're on it.
• 46:02
  Well all right.
• 46:03
  Let's get to the blessing of longing.
• 46:05
  We just think about this.
• 46:07
  There is no longing.
• 46:08
  Get everything.
• 46:08
  Yeah.
• 46:09
  Immediately.
• 46:09
  That's true.
• 46:10
  And you know, and I'm probably we model it badly.
• 46:13
  I mean because I know I'm always ordering things on Amazon the minute I need it, I just order it instead of having to go get it or you order a lot of things.
• 46:22
  You have to think about that.
• 46:24
  I know.
• 46:25
  I think it's.
• 46:26
  The boxes are great.
• 46:27
  Yeah.
• 46:28
  As long as it's not for them or you know, I think it's fine.
• 46:31
  But I do like I remember the days of like it was Blockbuster and I it was a Friday night and I really wanted to watch this movie.
• 46:37
  And they're like sorry, it's it's gone.
• 46:39
  It's out.
• 46:40
  Yeah, you can come back next weekend.
• 46:41
  And that's.
• 46:42
  You don't have that.
• 46:43
  You just know you get anything, dad.
• 46:45
  Or your Netflix password's not working right?
• 46:47
  Yeah.
• 46:47
  You know, and they're like, try Hulu.
• 46:49
  Try this.
• 46:49
  It's like this.
• 46:50
  And.
• 46:50
  And this is where she says, you know, kids endlessly lust for things, but having longing isn't bad.
• 46:57
  It's how we deal with it.
• 47:00
  And she.
• 47:00
  This is where she talks about how kids are born with the impulse for good, which is yetser tov tov, tov tov, yetzer tov and yetzer hara, which is the.
• 47:11
  I didn't go to Hebrew school, so.
• 47:12
  Which is the.
• 47:13
  You went to the coffee shop.
• 47:14
  I went to Hebrew school.
• 47:15
  I still couldn't pronounce that, so don't worry.
• 47:18
  And yetzer hara, which is the impulse for evil.
• 47:21
  And our impulse for evil is super important because that's curiosity, ambition, and passion.
• 47:28
  And so it's like you were saying, it's the two sides of the same coin is what it is.
• 47:34
  And so we have to teach our kids to redirect their longings and to accept no graciously and to appreciate the blessings that they have.
• 47:43
  And remember, when you're denying your child's requests, you are teaching them self control, strengthening their capacity for gratitude.
• 47:51
  You're wasting your breath trying to rationally explain to kids why they can't have everything.
• 47:57
  Kids don't want to take the high road.
• 47:59
  Simplify.
• 48:00
  Yeah.
• 48:01
  Keep it simple.
• 48:02
  That's exactly what she says.
• 48:04
  More gratitude, less attitude.
• 48:06
  Yeah, I like that.
• 48:08
  Yeah.
• 48:08
  Demonstrate.
• 48:09
  Like, I always.
• 48:09
  I get so mad at my kids if, like, we're walking.
• 48:12
  We're still in an apartment building right now in Florida.
• 48:14
  My parents.
• 48:15
  If, like, there's a doorman who opens the door and, like, they're just tired and don't.
• 48:19
  I'm like, thank you.
• 48:20
  You look.
• 48:21
  Is that right?
• 48:22
  How was your day?
• 48:22
  And if they're cranky and they're little, I'm just like.
• 48:24
  I model it.
• 48:26
  That drives me bananas.
• 48:28
  Yeah, well, that's teaching them the.
• 48:29
  The courtesy skills that.
• 48:31
  That she talks about, you know.
• 48:33
  Thank you.
• 48:34
  So many spoiled brats, and I can't.
• 48:37
  It's awful.
• 48:37
  Right?
• 48:38
  Right.
• 48:39
  Yeah.
• 48:39
  I suppose if we model it and get them, you know, get them to say those words or at least they're.
• 48:45
  Hopefully.
• 48:46
  It's going in one ear.
• 48:47
  They're watching.
• 48:48
  Yeah.
• 48:48
  I feel like it's funny.
• 48:50
  You guys are babysitter Bev.
• 48:53
  She's Jamaican and incredibly strict.
• 48:55
  She raised Anybody from the Caribbean is amazing.
• 48:57
  She did not play like we had manners because if we didn't, like if we walked past a doorman and didn't greet them, we walked walk back.
• 49:04
  And we did it again.
• 49:06
  Thank God we had.
• 49:07
  You know what?
• 49:08
  Carmen, who I just had lunch with her yesterday.
• 49:10
  She held me up until I moved.
• 49:13
  So.
• 49:13
  And she met me when I was five.
• 49:14
  My brother, extremely difficult.
• 49:16
  He's turned out awesome.
• 49:17
  So they're his.
• 49:18
  Yeah, he's got the Satsara.
• 49:20
  Whatever.
• 49:20
  It all worked out.
• 49:21
  Exactly, exactly.
• 49:22
  And she is so she's tough in the best way.
• 49:26
  My dog, who is the sweet one but doesn't listen.
• 49:29
  I've got to literally to go on a walk.
• 49:30
  I'll have to get a baby beef stick.
• 49:32
  Oh my God.
• 49:32
  Like Heidi, get over here.
• 49:34
  Like this.
• 49:35
  Like she just.
• 49:36
  It works.
• 49:37
  Yeah.
• 49:37
  That alpha energy is like it's in.
• 49:40
  It's as alpha as it gets.
• 49:42
  It works.
• 49:42
  It's unbelievable.
• 49:44
  They respect you and do it while they're young.
• 49:46
  And we loved her.
• 49:47
  That was the thing.
• 49:48
  We loved her, but we listened to her because we knew if we didn't, there were consequences that were very swift.
• 49:55
  It also probably.
• 49:56
  I think there's a sense of safety.
• 49:57
  Just like a dog feels like knowing or this.
• 50:00
  I do think when we have something, somebody is strict, it makes us feel that there's a net of safety and.
• 50:06
  Not even just strict because.
• 50:07
  So I had the most wonderful nanny, Jolie, who took care of my daughter from 0 to 13.
• 50:13
  And I have to tell you the routines and if you're.
• 50:17
  I'm like you teen where I'm not very good at putting structures and routines in place.
• 50:21
  But she did it so rigid with flexibility for my daughter and add like the karma and strictness and I just think it makes you feel safe, but it also, it allows you to, you know, sort of like be
• 50:37
  free within that.
• 50:38
  Because then I do think kids naturally, like they're risk takers, but if they're anxious because there's nobody paying attention, then they can't actually be kids.
• 50:47
  And like they also can't be over.
• 50:49
  Scheduled too, which is also, you know, you can't have somebody have structure.
• 50:54
  Right?
• 50:54
  Yeah.
• 50:55
  Today, which Wendy talks about.
• 50:56
  Nobody in New York ever listens to that.
• 50:58
  No.
• 50:58
  Oh, God.
• 51:01
  My feeling about testing mom, Testing mom,.
• 51:03
  Testing mom, testing mom, testing Mom.
• 51:05
  It is the most worthwhile investment you.
• 51:08
  Can make in your child's education.
• 51:10
  They have been a constant in our lives.
• 51:12
  It's about nurturing the whole child and giving them a strong foundation in academics.
• 51:17
  You're never gonna regret having done this.
• 51:20
  Practice really makes perfect.
• 51:21
  And testing mom definitely emphasizes that there.
• 51:24
  Were gay for him.
• 51:25
  There were quizzes.
• 51:26
  We used real life situations like sorting shoes at home.
• 51:29
  They were really good at explaining things in a way that made sense to.
• 51:32
  Me even as a little kid.
• 51:33
  It provided me with literally what seemed.
• 51:38
  Like an infinite amount of options.
• 51:45
  Well, I mean there's so much good wisdom in this book.
• 51:48
  That's what I love about it.
• 51:49
  I just thought of all the books we've read.
• 51:52
  Read.
• 51:52
  It's just so practical and it made me, I wish I had read it when you guys were younger, you know, teen, teen.
• 52:02
  Yeah.
• 52:02
  I was about to say, and Skyler, you're a mom, so what a great time to be reading all these too.
• 52:06
  But you know what was also great?
• 52:08
  When I think Wendy said time is our greatest currency.
• 52:10
  Actually Judaism believes that time and that is such we don't value that anymore.
• 52:16
  Yeah, we're rushing, we're going, we're not present.
• 52:19
  And to me that was the.
• 52:21
  Probably one of the more valuable things I took is, yeah, we really need to like slow down.
• 52:25
  And the other thing about slowing down is I always felt when I was first a parent that it had to be quality time in terms of I would drag my boys to the Met.
• 52:35
  Oh my God.
• 52:35
  And they were miserable.
• 52:36
  But I thought, like, we have to be doing something enriching.
• 52:38
  Like this is how we spend time on Saturday.
• 52:41
  And what I realized as I, you know, sort of reflected and became a better person and mom.
• 52:47
  Now I realize quality time with my daughter means snuggling up on the couch and watching Gossip Girl with her.
• 52:53
  She wants to be doing.
• 52:53
  And that is just as good.
• 52:55
  Like connecting with your kid doesn't have to be doing something fancy or doing something, you know, educational.
• 53:00
  It can just be like watching bad TV together.
• 53:03
  That's a parent making themselves feel better.
• 53:06
  Right?
• 53:06
  There's no, like it's not fun taking a 5 year old to the MOMA running around like you're worried you're the cops are going to come because they've knocked down a climt.
• 53:14
  Yeah, yeah.
• 53:15
  That is not fun.
• 53:16
  I don't want to do that.
• 53:17
  I don't want to do that.
• 53:18
  I hate taking them to the park.
• 53:19
  The things I don't like.
• 53:20
  And she says don't do the things you don't like with them.
• 53:24
  The things you like or do the things if you don't cook.
• 53:28
  No, it was so like a whole.
• 53:30
  Chapter about, oh, I guess I could.
• 53:32
  Set the table with them.
• 53:33
  Yeah, or do the things they like.
• 53:34
  I actually think, as a parent, you sometimes have to suck it up and meet your kid where they are and show interest in what they like to do.
• 53:41
  Right?
• 53:41
  Yeah, Right.
• 53:41
  As long as you.
• 53:42
  You can do it and you're happy doing that.
• 53:45
  I think once they express the things they like and need.
• 53:48
  Like, I am at a very lucky point in parenting where my daughter is just down to clown.
• 53:53
  Like, whatever I want to do.
• 53:55
  She's like, okay, well, yeah, she's 13 months old.
• 53:57
  Wait a minute.
• 53:59
  Six and a half.
• 53:59
  I know.
• 54:00
  I'm not wearing that I mock dress anymore.
• 54:02
  And I'm like, oh, you are?
• 54:03
  Yeah.
• 54:04
  You're wearing it one more time.
• 54:05
  Okay, you gave me a layup.
• 54:07
  Choose your battles wisely.
• 54:09
  Yeah.
• 54:09
  Like, don't make your battle the smock dress.
• 54:11
  Well, that's also.
• 54:11
  Wendy Tuck said, don't make food a thing.
• 54:14
  Yes.
• 54:14
  Yes.
• 54:15
  A ton of kids say that.
• 54:16
  It's like, don't make food a big.
• 54:18
  Deal because it only creates, like, weird habits around it.
• 54:22
  I never made food a big deal.
• 54:23
  It's like the opposite.
• 54:24
  And my daughter's definitely not a easy eater.
• 54:28
  So I think sometimes, like, the best parenting advice is, like, mourn the kid you wanted to have and love the kid you have.
• 54:38
  Yes.
• 54:38
  Meaning that everybody kind of wants this perfect kid, but your kid is perfect.
• 54:43
  It just might not be the perfect decision.
• 54:46
  Yeah.
• 54:46
  I guess I never thought about that growing up.
• 54:49
  Everybody was so crazy around me.
• 54:51
  Me that I was.
• 54:51
  My expectations were like, all right, some.
• 54:53
  Maybe they're gonna have ADD or be crazy.
• 54:55
  So far, it's not even that it's like anything.
• 54:58
  It's, I think, raising good humans.
• 55:00
  I think, like, if you rate to me, I would.
• 55:03
  The only thing the most important is raising a child with empathy.
• 55:07
  Be kind.
• 55:08
  Good.
• 55:08
  Good.
• 55:09
  Not letting that evil yet.
• 55:10
  Whatever.
• 55:11
  I can't pronounce it.
• 55:12
  Everyone has both.
• 55:12
  It's like the ancient.
• 55:13
  I know, but you really have to.
• 55:15
  But good.
• 55:16
  Like, really, like, teach the them to feel and to be good.
• 55:18
  I think that's what the book is about, is how to raise a good child with some.
• 55:23
  Judaism is a lot about that family.
• 55:25
  The family unit.
• 55:26
  I mean, I love.
• 55:27
  I wish I could do Shabbat of, like, I do candles, but.
• 55:30
  And hala.
• 55:31
  And then we're like, okay, we eat.
• 55:32
  Scarf it down.
• 55:32
  And like, the way she does it, where she makes a whole evening of it.
• 55:37
  Yeah.
• 55:37
  Yeah.
• 55:38
  But I think the lesson broadly is find family time.
• 55:42
  Yes.
• 55:43
  Find time to be together where you're not all rushing.
• 55:46
  You're not on your right.
• 55:47
  And like Shabbat, if they don't use technology, you play a board game.
• 55:50
  Like I always say to my husband, I hate like lying in bed each on our phone.
• 55:54
  For some reason it's different if like reach reading a book or we're watching a show together.
• 55:59
  Even if we're, even if it's a different book, it just feels like we're doing something together.
• 56:03
  Yeah.
• 56:04
  Yeah, that's.
• 56:05
  That is nice, isn't it?
• 56:06
  Yeah.
• 56:07
  I think they're both on the phone.
• 56:09
  Yeah.
• 56:10
  Yeah.
• 56:10
  But you know, my daughter thinks her phone is called a no no because my sister in law tells her it's evil every time she sees it.
• 56:18
  Don't.
• 56:19
  It's gonna be in her life.
• 56:20
  I know.
• 56:20
  And that's another thing too.
• 56:22
  It's just kind of like I, I wonder what we're going to be keeping up with when my daughter is pendulum will swing.
• 56:29
  I hope you're right.
• 56:29
  I really hope you're right because I am terrified of the Internet's impact on kids.
• 56:34
  But I, I no iPads at restaurants.
• 56:36
  Yeah.
• 56:37
  I always feel like if your kid is can't is too young to sit at a dinner table at a restaurant, don't bring them or bring activities like.
• 56:43
  Right.
• 56:44
  Crayon colors.
• 56:45
  Really never brought iPads to restaurants ever.
• 56:47
  Okay, so let's do the blood blessing of work.
• 56:51
  Jews believe that life is a work study program.
• 56:54
  Everybody should work.
• 56:56
  And Torah says that teaching kids to do chores, those are their first good deeds and actually struggle with this.
• 57:05
  Doing chores is a way of honoring your family, your mother and your father and all kids should be doing chores from an early, early age.
• 57:14
  And they just evolve as kids get old.
• 57:17
  Any thoughts about that?
• 57:18
  Well, Eva's good at that.
• 57:19
  I feel like my kids are, it's just constant clothes on the floor.
• 57:22
  I'm like, I'm just yelling, but I'm the hamper.
• 57:24
  I think, like, I think this goes back to the beginning where we talked about preparing your child to fly and to become an independent adult.
• 57:34
  And so I think you can't, you know, if you're doing everything for your child and you're not making them a community member where they have responsibilities to help take care of the home and to take care of their
• 57:45
  spaces and, you know, their belongings, then they end up in college and literally don't know what they're doing.
• 57:53
  And I feel like, look, building competency is very gratifying and so learning to do things for yourself feels good.
• 58:01
  That's why work is a virtue because, you know, we're not meant to toil like idle hands Devil's work.
• 58:07
  I think that, you know, whether my kids were, you know, both my kids, both my boys were big cooks and bakers, so they did a lot of that.
• 58:16
  They all do their own laundry, but that is accidental because I don't do the laundry.
• 58:22
  And they always want to have clean clothes, so they always have to do their own laundry to make that happen.
• 58:27
  Chores are hard.
• 58:29
  I really struggle with chores because there's different schools of thought.
• 58:31
  Do you pay your kid for chores?
• 58:33
  Is that just something they do?
• 58:34
  That's a good deed?
• 58:35
  That's being part of a community.
• 58:37
  I think, like a big, you know, topic that everyone's talking about right now is mattering.
• 58:41
  And so the way you matter, whether it's at work, whether it's in your family, is because you feel like you're valued, you're needed, you're appreciated.
• 58:51
  And so I think kids, like, too often, at least where we live, everything's done for them.
• 58:57
  They've got people around them doing everything.
• 58:59
  So they just walk through life and they don't know how everything gets done.
• 59:04
  And I think.
• 59:04
  Talk about spoiled.
• 59:05
  If you don't want to raise your kids.
• 59:07
  Spoiled.
• 59:08
  No, you said, I don't want to raise.
• 59:10
  Oh, yeah.
• 59:12
  I mean, they're a little spoiled.
• 59:13
  So, like, if.
• 59:15
  If they just.
• 59:16
  I like nice things.
• 59:17
  I really can't do.
• 59:18
  Don't we all?
• 59:19
  Well, yeah.
• 59:19
  I never know if it's the.
• 59:21
  If it should, I think, or could as a pattern, it's very confusing.
• 59:24
  I think it's good to feel capable and.
• 59:26
  And to feel like you can contribute and you matter.
• 59:30
  I'm going to create an economy in my house where different chores are worth different amounts of money.
• 59:36
  You can team up, you can create.
• 59:37
  Create unions.
• 59:38
  You can do whatever you do in the world as long as it gets done.
• 59:41
  But if you better.
• 59:42
  If you don't do it fast enough, I might do it, and then that money's off the table.
• 59:45
  I like to see that.
• 59:48
  Kids are.
• 59:49
  Going to be growing food, and then.
• 59:51
  You're going to be like, oh, who's in the union?
• 59:54
  I would simplify that.
• 59:56
  Start with the sticker chart.
• 59:57
  I love.
• 59:58
  I love echoes.
• 59:59
  I do love capitalism, so I do think that's good.
• 1:00:01
  That feels like the antidote to raising kids who.
• 1:00:04
  Who want socialism.
• 1:00:04
  So I had an economics teacher in 11th grade at one of my 46 schools.
• 1:00:09
  And at the beginning of the year, he asked us, he says, do you guys want to be communists or do you guys want to be capitalists?
• 1:00:15
  If you're communists, everybody gets the same grade and it's the average of the entire class.
• 1:00:20
  But if we're capitalists, it's everybody for themselves.
• 1:00:23
  And kids mean well, but they always vote to be communists.
• 1:00:27
  What?
• 1:00:27
  Yes.
• 1:00:28
  Every time.
• 1:00:28
  Because they're like, oh, yeah, the smart harder kids will help the slower kids.
• 1:00:33
  Never.
• 1:00:33
  What happens?
• 1:00:34
  Everybody fails every single time.
• 1:00:36
  Yeah.
• 1:00:37
  Of course.
• 1:00:37
  Look at Europe right now.
• 1:00:38
  I know.
• 1:00:38
  Except there's one exception.
• 1:00:40
  So if you want, you can separate yourself from the group.
• 1:00:44
  But it has social consequences in that the smart kids often say, oh, I'll be fine.
• 1:00:49
  But then they are ostracized because they are not contributing.
• 1:00:53
  So there's this whole thing it really.
• 1:00:54
  Teaches you about that's very interesting.
• 1:00:56
  Yeah, the politics.
• 1:00:57
  I think all you have to do is have a group of kids bake cupcakes and then take 3/4 of the cupcake.
• 1:01:04
  And the other group that was just playing around, give it all to the other kids too.
• 1:01:07
  Everybody gets the same crumb.
• 1:01:09
  Yeah.
• 1:01:09
  You know, like even though you.
• 1:01:13
  Interesting.
• 1:01:13
  It's.
• 1:01:13
  It's.
• 1:01:14
  Listen, it's like squirrel.
• 1:01:16
  We gotta get moving, ladies.
• 1:01:20
  Our meds are wearing off.
• 1:01:21
  All right, now food we're gonna get into.
• 1:01:24
  I want to cover a couple more and then we'll give us the lessons.
• 1:01:28
  Okay.
• 1:01:28
  For those of you who are.
• 1:01:29
  Are here for this book, maybe we'll include our outline in our show notes.
• 1:01:34
  It's not as organized as spark notes, but it's a little sparkly.
• 1:01:37
  Yeah, it's more fun to talk about.
• 1:01:40
  All right.
• 1:01:40
  All right.
• 1:01:41
  So food concerns.
• 1:01:42
  Okay.
• 1:01:42
  It's all about, you know, because everybody worries about health and weight, whatever.
• 1:01:48
  Food often is a.
• 1:01:49
  Is a battlefield.
• 1:01:50
  And she teaches us that we should enjoy eating, not denying ourselves.
• 1:01:57
  And you know, well, and you have oic.
• 1:02:01
  You can eat whatever you want.
• 1:02:03
  If you can eat at all.
• 1:02:04
  If you're my husband.
• 1:02:05
  Standing up teen.
• 1:02:06
  Have you heard of the term almond mom?
• 1:02:07
  Cuz I think this advice is more.
• 1:02:09
  We love an almond important than ever, right?
• 1:02:12
  Absolutely.
• 1:02:12
  We're obsessed with Yolanda Hadid and her almond mom era.
• 1:02:16
  Right.
• 1:02:16
  When she had the fridge at like with.
• 1:02:18
  With David Foster.
• 1:02:19
  Yes.
• 1:02:19
  I don't know who she is.
• 1:02:21
  Oh my God.
• 1:02:22
  Housewife.
• 1:02:22
  Housewife.
• 1:02:24
  They were all on Beverly Hill.
• 1:02:25
  That was like 10 years ago.
• 1:02:26
  She.
• 1:02:27
  Yeah.
• 1:02:27
  Now she's like, what did you do to those kids?
• 1:02:29
  But like these people are crazy.
• 1:02:30
  Like it.
• 1:02:31
  They think somehow they're protecting again.
• 1:02:33
  Right.
• 1:02:34
  It's the.
• 1:02:34
  I'm going to snowplow.
• 1:02:36
  Protect my kids from every possible downside.
• 1:02:38
  I Actually did it.
• 1:02:39
  And I caught myself.
• 1:02:40
  I had goldfish.
• 1:02:41
  And my daughter's like, I want goldfish.
• 1:02:43
  And I was like, you know, it's not good for you.
• 1:02:45
  She's like, what do you mean?
• 1:02:45
  It's like, can you pronounce any of those ingredients?
• 1:02:47
  She was like, no.
• 1:02:49
  Can you, like, that's like.
• 1:02:51
  Means it causes disease.
• 1:02:52
  It's bad.
• 1:02:52
  And then I was like, it's fine.
• 1:02:54
  You don't have it that often.
• 1:02:55
  Live a little.
• 1:02:55
  I was like, caught myself.
• 1:02:57
  I was like, just have a goldfish battles.
• 1:03:00
  That's going to screw up way more.
• 1:03:02
  Yeah.
• 1:03:02
  I mean, you know, she just says, just, you know, try not to get into power struggles with kids.
• 1:03:08
  If your doctor says your child is healthy and growing, don't try to monitor everything they eat.
• 1:03:14
  Control.
• 1:03:15
  You can say, you know, do you want some of this?
• 1:03:17
  And if they say yes or no, that's fine.
• 1:03:22
  But they should know that if they don't eat the meal, there will be no more food until the next day, even if they're hungry.
• 1:03:29
  So again, consequences.
• 1:03:30
  Natural consequences.
• 1:03:32
  That's kind of.
• 1:03:32
  My mom would always say, kitchen's closed.
• 1:03:34
  The only thing I'll say, and I definitely am not an expert at this, but I will say, when my kids were little, I never sort of monitored the sweets.
• 1:03:43
  And we'd go to birthday parties where I'd hear moms being like, you can only have a half a cupcake.
• 1:03:48
  Or, I saw that you, you know, stop eating.
• 1:03:50
  Oh, my God.
• 1:03:51
  My daughter would take the cupc.
• 1:03:53
  She'd have literally maybe a bite.
• 1:03:54
  She'd walk away.
• 1:03:55
  She wasn't ever interested in it again.
• 1:03:57
  And I do think if you make food with an issue, it really messes.
• 1:04:03
  We both have daughters with food allergies.
• 1:04:05
  That becomes like, my daughter had some anxiety because of that, but that is completely different.
• 1:04:09
  You can't do that.
• 1:04:11
  My food problem is, like, no matter what I give my kids for dinner, it's always like, I don't want to eat that.
• 1:04:16
  And I don't know.
• 1:04:17
  And I try to include them.
• 1:04:18
  Tell me what you want.
• 1:04:20
  Well, so what do you do?
• 1:04:22
  I don't know.
• 1:04:22
  I'm trying to figure it out.
• 1:04:23
  Well, what she's kind of saying is what you.
• 1:04:26
  You have whatever you have, and you can say, well, it's.
• 1:04:28
  You can have anything that's here, right?
• 1:04:32
  And, you know, there's.
• 1:04:33
  If.
• 1:04:34
  If you don't eat it, that's fine.
• 1:04:35
  You don't have to.
• 1:04:36
  But there will be no more food.
• 1:04:38
  My husband loves, like, Uber Eats, and he'll order Something in the sly, you know.
• 1:04:42
  Well, you have to get him on board.
• 1:04:43
  Yeah, that's the only thing I have to say.
• 1:04:45
  Getting everybody on board is a horde.
• 1:04:47
  This is, that's another episode.
• 1:04:49
  Yeah.
• 1:04:50
  And it truly is.
• 1:04:52
  I think about that too.
• 1:04:52
  I mean, my kid's really young, but as.
• 1:04:55
  Yeah, but as these things come up, I'm like, I wonder if my husband and I are going to have the same opinion.
• 1:05:00
  Food is the only thing.
• 1:05:01
  It's so important though.
• 1:05:02
  Like, this is a whole another episode.
• 1:05:04
  But I do think that your kids need to see that the most important unit is you and your husband.
• 1:05:11
  You have to have the same, you know, punishment or opinion because otherwise they're going to go with the.
• 1:05:16
  Whoever's the softer one.
• 1:05:17
  They create a wedge.
• 1:05:18
  Yeah, let me get into discipline because I think that's a good one.
• 1:05:23
  And we'll, we'll do that pretty quickly, but.
• 1:05:27
  Okay.
• 1:05:28
  One of the things the rabbis say is that children don't behave naturally in civilized ways.
• 1:05:35
  Normalized kid.
• 1:05:36
  Normal kids are not good kids.
• 1:05:40
  A parent's job is to teach a child to control their, their yetzer hara, to transform it into greatness.
• 1:05:49
  And so don't expect your child to be good.
• 1:05:52
  You have to teach them.
• 1:05:53
  That's just not gonna happen naturally necessarily.
• 1:05:56
  Can you please tell the person who was on my flight whose kid was just screaming and banging seats and like the whole time I'm like, can you just tell your kid to shut up?
• 1:06:04
  Like, I don't understand.
• 1:06:05
  I would do anything to question not will they listen.
• 1:06:09
  It wasn't even a trying.
• 1:06:10
  It wasn't even like, here's why you were trying.
• 1:06:12
  That's the new thing.
• 1:06:13
  It's like the iPad with no head headphones, like, I'm sorry, I don't know.
• 1:06:17
  YouTube.
• 1:06:18
  Oh.
• 1:06:18
  Oh my God.
• 1:06:18
  The last plane to stewardess.
• 1:06:20
  They try.
• 1:06:21
  Really?
• 1:06:22
  Oh my God.
• 1:06:22
  My last flight I was on, as we were landing, the kid behind me vomited all over the back of my husband's seat.
• 1:06:29
  Poor kid.
• 1:06:30
  The mom had another baby on her chest.
• 1:06:31
  The husband was like three rows ahead.
• 1:06:34
  Tell me how when this plane opened the door, the husband gets up and walks off.
• 1:06:39
  Oh, no.
• 1:06:40
  Doesn't help.
• 1:06:40
  This vomit covered kid.
• 1:06:42
  Of course he knew.
• 1:06:43
  Yeah, the kid was sobbing.
• 1:06:44
  I think he did.
• 1:06:45
  And he got up and he just wake.
• 1:06:46
  Waited with the bag.
• 1:06:47
  It seems like my husband would do that.
• 1:06:49
  I'm sorry.
• 1:06:49
  I would have swung on that man.
• 1:06:50
  If that were my husband.
• 1:06:51
  I would be like, okay, you should call a lawyer.
• 1:06:53
  That's that.
• 1:06:54
  Yeah.
• 1:06:54
  No, men are men.
• 1:06:55
  Are just really dumb.
• 1:06:56
  I do fine.
• 1:06:58
  This response was like, what was I gonna do?
• 1:07:00
  Come go back?
• 1:07:01
  Probably because people are trying to exit the plane.
• 1:07:02
  If that were my husband.
• 1:07:03
  If I don't see you climbing over the seats like spider man, oh my God.
• 1:07:08
  It is over for you.
• 1:07:10
  For you your whole life.
• 1:07:11
  Well, I hate to tell you this, but teen your dad what notorious Travele me to here to New York because I was carrying the dog and I needed help.
• 1:07:24
  He was useless, not helpful.
• 1:07:28
  He completely.
• 1:07:29
  I'm like, I get off the plane, I'm carrying the bag.
• 1:07:33
  I've got the dog, I've got.
• 1:07:35
  And he just walked waltz right out.
• 1:07:38
  I didn't call you for company.
• 1:07:39
  Yelled and I'm like, wait, isn't.
• 1:07:42
  Aren't you here for me?
• 1:07:44
  It's like he completely forgot.
• 1:07:46
  He just wasn't thinking.
• 1:07:48
  No, they're never thinking.
• 1:07:49
  My husband has backpack and I want to burn it.
• 1:07:52
  It's like it's, it's.
• 1:07:53
  The brand is Nomad.
• 1:07:54
  He only holds it and then it doesn't fit anything.
• 1:07:57
  So we're traveling with our kids.
• 1:07:58
  It's like, of course I have 18.
• 1:07:59
  Bags because I can't even put a pen in yours.
• 1:08:02
  Oh my God.
• 1:08:03
  You know, and it's just.
• 1:08:04
  That's all he cares about.
• 1:08:05
  Got the bag.
• 1:08:05
  Oh my God.
• 1:08:06
  Do you want to help with the 14 carry ons up there?
• 1:08:09
  Well, if you want to learn more about.
• 1:08:11
  About disciplining your kids, I think don't ask.
• 1:08:14
  Refer to our show notes.
• 1:08:16
  Look at.
• 1:08:17
  No look at our show.
• 1:08:18
  One time I met this orthodox couple on a flight.
• 1:08:21
  I was going to Palm beach for a wedding.
• 1:08:24
  First of all, this woman, most beautiful woman I've ever seen.
• 1:08:26
  Rail thin.
• 1:08:27
  She had good for us Jews.
• 1:08:29
  I like that.
• 1:08:29
  Six kids with her and then one kid already in Florida.
• 1:08:33
  And all of them were so impeccably behaved.
• 1:08:36
  Wow.
• 1:08:37
  I couldn't get over it.
• 1:08:40
  I was about to say, I think that's the best plug you can give the blessed plug.
• 1:08:44
  And they all help each other.
• 1:08:45
  That was the other thing.
• 1:08:46
  The old older kids were basically taking care of the younger kids so that the parents could deal with all of the logistics.
• 1:08:52
  And I was like, this is a case for having six kids.
• 1:08:54
  Well, or reading.
• 1:08:57
  Yeah, you had one.
• 1:08:59
  Good luck.
• 1:08:59
  I need a built in workforce in my house.
• 1:09:02
  I do think they say once you get beyond three kids, it's.
• 1:09:06
  They all raise each other.
• 1:09:07
  Yes.
• 1:09:08
  I think that's, that's.
• 1:09:09
  I've witnessed this on that plane.
• 1:09:11
  Wow.
• 1:09:11
  Well, and I'm sure she either read this book or has.
• 1:09:14
  I think she reads the original.
• 1:09:15
  The original.
• 1:09:16
  I think she reads the Torah.
• 1:09:17
  Exactly.
• 1:09:20
  Yeah.
• 1:09:21
  If it's not broken, why are we fixing it all?
• 1:09:23
  I know.
• 1:09:23
  Just go back.
• 1:09:24
  I know.
• 1:09:25
  Yeah.
• 1:09:25
  I like that.
• 1:09:25
  I also want to wear a wig.
• 1:09:27
  And the whole thing.
• 1:09:27
  And though she must have been modern, she wasn't covering her hair.
• 1:09:32
  They've come a long way.
• 1:09:34
  Are unbelievable.
• 1:09:35
  Oh, so they don't look like wigs.
• 1:09:37
  Maybe she was.
• 1:09:38
  No, I'm telling you, like, $10,000.
• 1:09:39
  I have a friend who's, like, friends with these community.
• 1:09:43
  And they literally have it on up to the part.
• 1:09:45
  Unbelievable.
• 1:09:46
  You can't tell.
• 1:09:46
  Are they laced front, like.
• 1:09:48
  I don't know what they are.
• 1:09:49
  They're good.
• 1:09:50
  That's incredible.
• 1:09:51
  Yeah.
• 1:09:51
  I tell you, that really gets the point.
• 1:09:52
  If you're gonna hide your hair because you don't want it to be attractive and.
• 1:09:55
  Look at that.
• 1:09:55
  You don't want to be more beautiful.
• 1:09:57
  Yeah.
• 1:09:57
  I don't get it.
• 1:09:58
  Right.
• 1:09:58
  It doesn't really make sense, but it's, you know.
• 1:10:00
  Yeah.
• 1:10:01
  Wow.
• 1:10:01
  So did we love this book?
• 1:10:03
  Did we like this?
• 1:10:04
  We liked this book.
• 1:10:05
  I personally liked it.
• 1:10:06
  I think it was a great, great spark.
• 1:10:07
  Notes to the Torah.
• 1:10:08
  Yeah.
• 1:10:09
  I was gonna say I loved this book when I read it 19 years ago, but I think I love it even more chatting about it with both of you.
• 1:10:14
  And I love that.
• 1:10:15
  It's not.
• 1:10:16
  It's so refreshing to.
• 1:10:17
  None of this gentle parenting bs.
• 1:10:19
  I can't.
• 1:10:20
  I can't.
• 1:10:21
  Like, I don't have all the answers, you know?
• 1:10:23
  Right.
• 1:10:23
  Thank God for Google.
• 1:10:24
  When asked me all these random things like, what is.
• 1:10:27
  And Claude, is this right?
• 1:10:29
  Yeah.
• 1:10:29
  It's like, you know what?
• 1:10:30
  I'm the boss.
• 1:10:31
  Yeah.
• 1:10:32
  I'm in charge.
• 1:10:32
  I'm in charge.
• 1:10:34
  I have to tell myself this.
• 1:10:35
  I like.
• 1:10:36
  I like your attitude.
• 1:10:37
  I think I wish I had felt more like that when my kids were young.
• 1:10:41
  Thank God we had Bev to help.
• 1:10:42
  Yeah.
• 1:10:43
  My mom was more like you.
• 1:10:44
  And we had Carmen, who is like, yeah.
• 1:10:46
  Laying down the law.
• 1:10:48
  Have somebody.
• 1:10:48
  Somebody in the house has to be like that.
• 1:10:50
  That's always tough.
• 1:10:51
  Like, it's hard.
• 1:10:53
  I know.
• 1:10:54
  They're so cute.
• 1:10:55
  They're so cute.
• 1:10:55
  And everyone's like, time goes by so fast.
• 1:10:58
  You enjoy it.
• 1:10:58
  And I'm like.
• 1:10:59
  But I want to, like, you know,.
• 1:11:02
  You have to raise good humans.
• 1:11:04
  The days are long, the years are short.
• 1:11:06
  So when you're in it, it's really hard to appreciate it in the moment.
• 1:11:09
  But you will always look back.
• 1:11:11
  Now that I have Two in college and obviously teenage.
• 1:11:13
  And you went through this.
• 1:11:16
  You.
• 1:11:16
  You're nostalgic for what was.
• 1:11:18
  But you couldn't have done it any different.
• 1:11:20
  Yeah, I guess.
• 1:11:21
  I do miss it, though.
• 1:11:22
  I do miss having young children.
• 1:11:23
  And it was.
• 1:11:24
  Well, then you get to be a grandma.
• 1:11:26
  Yeah.
• 1:11:26
  Now I get to be teen.
• 1:11:27
  Teen.
• 1:11:29
  Any of those rules?
• 1:11:30
  No, I don't have to.
• 1:11:31
  You can go rogue.
• 1:11:32
  I did.
• 1:11:32
  I went rogue the other day.
• 1:11:34
  I was watching her, and I.
• 1:11:36
  And I was.
• 1:11:37
  Ran out of.
• 1:11:38
  We read every book I had, so that's when I turned on the iPad.
• 1:11:42
  The dinosaur.
• 1:11:42
  The dinosaur dance.
• 1:11:43
  She loves AI Dinosaur, Baby Einstein on the iPad.
• 1:11:47
  It's, like, addicting.
• 1:11:50
  They're like, tractor.
• 1:11:51
  Yeah.
• 1:11:52
  Oh, okay.
• 1:11:52
  And it's not so many stimuli.
• 1:11:55
  The second kid, you're like, what?
• 1:11:56
  Shut up.
• 1:11:56
  They actually say that it's.
• 1:11:59
  I shouldn't have.
• 1:12:00
  Yeah.
• 1:12:00
  Like the baby Einstein.
• 1:12:02
  They say it's a complete scam.
• 1:12:03
  Oh, no, no.
• 1:12:04
  My son learned.
• 1:12:05
  No, not that you shouldn't have.
• 1:12:06
  No, he really did.
• 1:12:07
  He loved it.
• 1:12:07
  Tractor.
• 1:12:08
  This.
• 1:12:08
  He learned.
• 1:12:08
  Word.
• 1:12:09
  I'm telling you, it's like they.
• 1:12:11
  It's like they did a study where people.
• 1:12:13
  It just was the less cool cuckoo of the YouTube.
• 1:12:15
  Yeah, it was that or Coco Melon, where I would kill myself.
• 1:12:17
  Yeah.
• 1:12:18
  Coco Melon's pretty abysmal.
• 1:12:20
  I've dabbled.
• 1:12:21
  That is, like, literal drug for a child.
• 1:12:23
  Yeah.
• 1:12:24
  The most annoying.
• 1:12:24
  I haven't found cocoa.
• 1:12:25
  I don't know.
• 1:12:26
  My kid watches his paw patrol, and I think it's just because she loves animals.
• 1:12:30
  With municipal jobs.
• 1:12:31
  Oh, that's been around a long time.
• 1:12:33
  Your union strategy is going to.
• 1:12:35
  I'm telling you, I'm selling it.
• 1:12:37
  While I am a capitalist, I understand why unions exist, and there are circumstances.
• 1:12:41
  In which I think.
• 1:12:42
  Think they should farm.
• 1:12:43
  You know, I like it.
• 1:12:45
  Protect our laborers.
• 1:12:47
  Hopefully your kids don't form a union against you.
• 1:12:50
  You know what?
• 1:12:50
  That's.
• 1:12:51
  That's the risk you run.
• 1:12:51
  Yeah, it sounds.
• 1:12:52
  Especially if I have six.
• 1:12:54
  I will not.
• 1:12:54
  Don't have six.
• 1:12:55
  Please.
• 1:12:55
  I won't.
• 1:12:56
  I'm over.
• 1:12:57
  I'm over the hill for that.
• 1:12:58
  That's not happening for me.
• 1:12:59
  I was gonna say, I am 35 years old.
• 1:13:01
  That's not over.
• 1:13:01
  Well, I'm 38, but I.
• 1:13:03
  Two is enough.
• 1:13:03
  Two is enough.
• 1:13:04
  Two is perfect.
• 1:13:05
  Two is great.
• 1:13:06
  Yeah.
• 1:13:06
  You have three, but that's great for you.
• 1:13:09
  Well, let's.
• 1:13:10
  First of all, I want to say.
• 1:13:11
  Thank you to our guest.
• 1:13:12
  We've had so much fun.
• 1:13:13
  So fun to have you here.
• 1:13:14
  And you have to check out their podcast if you haven't miked and medicated.
• 1:13:20
  It's so fun.
• 1:13:21
  It's so funny.
• 1:13:22
  It's so interesting.
• 1:13:23
  You.
• 1:13:23
  You just.
• 1:13:24
  I love your.
• 1:13:25
  The whole concept because you can talk about anything and that's what's so great about it.
• 1:13:30
  I love hearing you guys talk and argue with each other.
• 1:13:34
  Um, it's just.
• 1:13:34
  It's great.
• 1:13:35
  I, you know, I was so excited when I found out you were going to be on with us.
• 1:13:39
  Oh well, thank you.
• 1:13:39
  Thank you.
• 1:13:40
  Where can we see your podcast?
• 1:13:43
  Spotify, Apple, YouTube, wherever you get your podcast medicated.
• 1:13:49
  We can kind of give you all.
• 1:13:51
  For the show notes.
• 1:13:52
  Yes.
• 1:13:52
  Give us all the handles.
• 1:13:53
  The website.
• 1:13:55
  We have a website and it's hilarious because it is very outdated now.
• 1:13:58
  Our website's not our prize.
• 1:14:00
  Enjoy.
• 1:14:00
  Well, it's not our masterpiece, you know.
• 1:14:05
  Yeah.
• 1:14:05
  It's like kids.
• 1:14:06
  Yeah.
• 1:14:06
  It's like a bench in the entryway.
• 1:14:07
  Oh, I'll sit here.
• 1:14:08
  I'll put my shoes on.
• 1:14:09
  No one ever does really go on the website.
• 1:14:11
  You should just have a landing page to your website.
• 1:14:13
  Do we?
• 1:14:13
  Do we?
• 1:14:14
  We do.
• 1:14:15
  There are links, you know, but you know, chaotic.
• 1:14:17
  I realize we for always forget to say you should like and follow us like and subscribe.
• 1:14:23
  See that like.
• 1:14:24
  Like a YouTuber.
• 1:14:24
  If you like like and subscribe.
• 1:14:27
  Share stars is really about obsessed with the star rating.
• 1:14:31
  We had a few bad apples who clearly were not raised well.
• 1:14:35
  A1.
• 1:14:35
  Oh no.
• 1:14:37
  I rather.
• 1:14:38
  We have a lot of fives and then some ones.
• 1:14:40
  I love it.
• 1:14:41
  Yeah.
• 1:14:41
  It's not happy about that.
• 1:14:43
  I say I like being polarizing.
• 1:14:44
  Oh yeah.
• 1:14:45
  Okay.
• 1:14:45
  You got to be a little cilantro.
• 1:14:47
  Cilantro.
• 1:14:48
  It's like people taste it tastes like soap or they love it.
• 1:14:51
  Yeah.
• 1:14:51
  Okay.
• 1:14:51
  Right.
• 1:14:52
  For everybody.
• 1:14:52
  But we're for most good people.
• 1:14:55
  But I don't know why people go on and give you a one.
• 1:14:57
  Like why take a comment?
• 1:14:58
  It's usually it's like free.
• 1:15:00
  It's like free Palestine that we got.
• 1:15:04
  So.
• 1:15:04
  Yeah.
• 1:15:04
  That's different.
• 1:15:06
  It's worth the risk.
• 1:15:07
  The beauty of this book.
• 1:15:08
  Yeah.
• 1:15:09
  Being a proud Jew to have some one stars.
• 1:15:12
  Yeah.
• 1:15:12
  Yeah.
• 1:15:12
  It's a.
• 1:15:13
  Well, this was a wonderful book and I do feel like it doesn't matter what religion you are.
• 1:15:17
  This one to me felt universal.
• 1:15:20
  Yes.
• 1:15:21
  For basic simplify.
• 1:15:23
  Yeah.
• 1:15:23
  You good.
• 1:15:24
  Good luck with your capitalist union strategy.
• 1:15:25
  Thank you.
• 1:15:25
  It's going to be hard.
• 1:15:26
  It's going to be hard.
• 1:15:27
  I'm going to have to quit my job.
• 1:15:29
  It's going to become a full time endeavor.
• 1:15:33
  Nathan Fielder is actually going to come to my house and cover it.
• 1:15:36
  I love it.
• 1:15:37
  I spend a month with you.
• 1:15:38
  He's been a month with me.
• 1:15:39
  And my capital is children in their union.
• 1:15:41
  Exactly.
• 1:15:42
  But thank you for having us.
• 1:15:44
  Thank you, guys.
• 1:15:46
  Yeah.
• 1:15:46
  Thank you so much.
• 1:15:47
  This was such a pleasure.
• 1:15:49
  For making us not say any bad words.
• 1:15:50
  It was.
• 1:15:51
  I really.
• 1:15:51
  I practiced Wendy's.
• 1:15:53
  Thank you.
• 1:15:53
  I practiced Wendy's self control.
• 1:15:56
  So Eva actually said one curse, so.
• 1:15:58
  Good job, Caroline.
• 1:16:00
  Barely.
• 1:16:00
  Barely.
• 1:16:02
  Don't worry, we can bleep.
• 1:16:03
  It was.
• 1:16:03
  It was.
• 1:16:04
  We have the power of bleeping.
• 1:16:05
  Okay.
• 1:16:06
  Or Mike does.
• 1:16:06
  Or.
• 1:16:07
  Sorry that I didn't want to cross the third wall.
• 1:16:08
  Oh, no, it's okay.
• 1:16:09
  People know about our editor, Mike.
• 1:16:11
  Oh, fabulous.
• 1:16:11
  Yeah, I think it's fun.
• 1:16:12
  God bless, Mike.
• 1:16:13
  God bless you, Mike.
• 1:16:15
  Well, thank you guys so much.
• 1:16:17
  Thank you.
• 1:16:18
  And we'll see you guys next week.
• 1:16:19
  You won't see us, but on our channel.
• 1:16:23
  Thank you, guys.