Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #143: Reflecting on the Holidays

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Happy Hour #143: Reflecting on the Holidays · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Anny and Samantha. Welcome to stuff I
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: ever told your protection by heart radio.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And welcome to another happy hour. If you are partaking
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: in drinks or whatever you are doing at this moment,
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: do it with caution slash care, slash self preservation and responsibly. Obviously,
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: if we speak of anything such as a brand or
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: a name, not necessarily a sponsor. Who knows maybe one day,
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: maybe not, Maybe we're calling them out and they'll never
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: ask us to be there.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: It's not currently a sponsor, and if they were, we
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: would say it because we would get sued so right,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: and we would.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Get fined and we don't get paid enough little the
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: company might be okay, we are not. But anyway, outside
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: of that, Annie, are you getting something right now?
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Red wine?
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: Red wine?
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: No cider today, No, I'm done with the cider. The
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: cider is officially gone. Yeah, it was a nice mot plastic.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: But it was nice fib plastide. I am sticking with
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: water today because I am already sleepy, like at thin.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: It's just a constant thing of me being sleepy. We've
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: already talked about this and today's happy hour. It's just
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: gonna be a gin wine. So I really should have
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: had a wine. So it's gonna be a bigin water
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: for me some wine as you listen. Okay, but there's
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: several things update. First and foremost, Peaches has gotten her
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: stitches removed and she's doing very well. We got her
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: test result back for her giant mass and it is
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: nothing more than like fatty tissues essentially that just doesn't
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: spread necessarily, just you know, grows in the spot area,
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: kind of the best case scenario. So that's the good news.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: She was a bit of a.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Mess because we went this morning actually to get this
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: morning being the day we record, which is November sixteenth,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: to get her stitches removed, and she was a mess.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: That was the whole thing. But she didn't have to
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: be sedated. That was the good news. And she got
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: it done. She's home and she's happy, ish happy, and
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: she's definitely not like the most happy because you're like,
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: what the hell is that taste the bed like tries
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: to run out the door every time, but she she
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: did it, so she was okay, not good, but okay.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: That so that's well. Game, y'all. This game that I
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: talked about previously, that I whined about, I just got
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: scammed for the first time, and I'm very it made
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: me sad. It's like physically made me sad that it
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: still kind of affects my mood right now. I'd be
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: high anxious right now. But I was just like, I
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: almost like I looked at my partner, I was like
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: that that made me so sad, to the point that
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: he kind of got concerned, Yeah, are you are you
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: going to be okay? They're not nice people in this place.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: It's just a game. I don't understand. It's okay. I'm fine,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: I'm fine. I just I wanted to kind of take
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: a moment about that. But HM, with that high anxiety
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: is stressed. Like I've noticed, as we talked about previously
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: on one of your happy hours, that lingering anxiety that
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: carries over where you start overthinking and then it just
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: affects everything else, Like I did all of these things wrong,
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: and then you start like really analyzing about all the
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: bad things that you've done in life and or recently,
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: and or things falling apart, and then predicting everything's going
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: to fall apart. That's kind of where I am. And
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: it happened immediately after the time change. Immediately it was
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: so immediate, like the darkness, it felt like it fell
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: on my soul. Annie, it fell on my soul. Okay,
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: I was at least distracted for a second by all
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: these different things, like you know, the surgery, which like
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: at least I was busy, and I'm still kind of
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: busy because we're planning to travel to Charleston to see
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: my partner's family for Thanksgiving. We're switching it up this
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: year and doing Thanksgiving with his family Chris with mine,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: which all this this has become a thing, and it's
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: really really stressful because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: You want to be where you're more comfortable, but then
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: you have obligations so you don't neglect somebody. My family
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: I've talked about previously that my brother got remarried to
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: a woman who is very nice. They're very happy, but
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: they have five additional kids. They are all under the
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: age of twelve, and that's a lot. That's a lot
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: to add to a household that already has a lot
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: of children. And then we're talking about how to buy
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: presents because you know immediately it's about the commercial aspect
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: of it all, and at the same time, I'm like,
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I would love I want these children who I don't
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: know really well I met once to have a great
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: Christmas and have a great experience. And part of that
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: is opening gifts, and because there are so many like
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: our households, like maybe we shouldn't they should draw names,
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: you know, which is fair and all that. But then
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: like my older nieces and nephew, and I thought I
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: was swore I would never be this person because I
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: watched these k drabas and I'm like, why would you
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: treat any of them differently, like the step children or
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: the step nieces or they're the ones that are like
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: I didn't see growing up or any of that that
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: I would treat them the same. But I kind of don't.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: And I realized, I'm like, wow, that's not that's not
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: necessarily nice. But the part of the thing is like
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I never got to give gifts to the nieces and
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: nephew that I did see grow up. I didn't make
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: enough money to give them like the gifts that I
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: would love to have given until just recently and now
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: they're all like graduating from high school and grown. But
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I now have the opportunity to give you something.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: And I remember immediately between high school and college and
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: right after college being completely broke, I mean up until
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: like two years ago, being completely broke, you know, like
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: and having hoping that my aunt or my uncle or
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: someone would give me the extra twenty bucks for Christmas
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: so that I could, you know, afford to do some
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: things or maybe even help pay the bills, and so like,
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: I really feel that, and I want to give that
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: to them, but then I feel like it's unfair for
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: me to give them that and then not give the
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: young young children who are just coming into the family
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: who they are family now, But I still can't quite
• 6:08
  Speaker 2: grasp that because I have not seen them. I can't
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: remember their names, Like that's like I'm going to have
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: to ask somebody my family what their names are again.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: And my older brother got married several years ago, so
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: many years ago, and she had two children who now
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: they are married and that they have kids, I can't
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: remember nerve of their names either. There's so much that
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, you know, the level of like trying to
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: keep up, and I hate that level, Like I feel
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: like I have I have favorite testing them. I'm not
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: trying to favor anymore. Just like I just know these
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: four versus the rest of them, which I moved away
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: and don't see except for family occasions. And because I'm
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: very uncomfortable because of our differences and being adopted and
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: all these different things that it is just awkward that
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I don't know what to do about all of it.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: So these levels of stress, and then we got the
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: other side where you know my partner and it's just
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: his two other siblings. There's no additions. Neither one of
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: them are married, neither one of them currently are in
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: a relationship. Maybe they are not that not that I
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: know of. I'm the kind of like for all you know,
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: intend and purposes, the in law I guess that let
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: that's come along that celebrates with them. He is the
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: oldest my partner, so I'm even older than him. But
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: all of that to say is like I'm the first
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: to be a part of the family traditions with them,
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: and they do a good job because the parents are
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: actually divorced. His parents are divorced, but they agreed a
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: little while ago that they could do holidays together so
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: they don't have to separate it. So that's lovely to
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: see and it's more enjoyable and more relaxing and less
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: stressful to me obviously, So this level of like, Okay,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: we have to split these, we have to see where
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: we want to go. I can't neglect my family, my
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: own family, even though oliviously I wish I could avoid it.
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: I hope none of my family listens to this. But
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: all of that on top of I just never liked
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: the holidays. It wasn't a thing to me growing until
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: I came into the US, So I found that odd.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: I found that level of like I was excited, but
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: at the same time like thinking that it would go
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: away at any moment, as well as the fact that
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: in comparison to what other kids had, it was like
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: my parents did an amazing job, don't get me wrong,
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: and making it amazing, but like, you know, the differences
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: with the kids who were probably less happy but with
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: more stuff felt different, like the differences growing up and
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: trying to figure out what the was why didn't this
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: exist before when I was really having a hard time
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: and never had choice to begin with, to this to
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: like trying to sustain some semblance of sanity with around
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: my family as we disagreed or argued or whatever whatnot,
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: whether it was because I wasn't married, or whether because
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: you know, I was too liberal or all these things,
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: or at one point I was too religious. Like it
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: was just constant, and now to this being adulthood and
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: being nice to each other, but at the same time
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: navigating new family members and trying to be kind and
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: considered on one and not hurting anybody's feelings. It's a mess.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: And I'm not even in charge of anything. And We've
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: talked about that previously obviously a few times. So right now,
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: like everything fells like chaos, I feel like I'm saying,
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: but at the same time also very sad and sleepy
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: and busy, and we're trying to get so much done
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: a peck behind the curtains in such a small amount
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: of time. So we can have days off when when
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I say days off, just not recording or not researching
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: and just being somewhere or like I will be yet
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: driving six hours one way, you know, so twelve hours
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: of that time is just traveling. So all of that
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: it's a lot, and I'm trying to navigate that space again,
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: And I know we talk about this every year, but
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: it just is a constant, It's a constant battle. And
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: then you know, as we keep as I keep getting older,
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: I feel I feel like disappointed. I feel disappointed that
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: it's not more settled. Does that make sense?
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know. We talked about this recently, I
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: think in my Life Day episode. But there's when you're
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: a kid, you know there's stress around all this stuff, certainly,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: but when you get older, you're like, oh God, this
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: is the holidays. Move from like oh fun time to
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: oh God. And then I feel like everyone is acknowledging
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: now in commercials even that it's so stressful, and it
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: feels like and I've been thinking about this recently with
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: the pandemic and how because I'm going to be wearing
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: the same sweater I wear every year on Life Day
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: tomorrow and I'm going to be doing the same thing.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I kept feeling about the pandemic,
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Well in the next year, this will get better, well
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: in the next year, this will get better well in
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: the next year, and then things just don't feel like
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: they're getting better at all, not just in the pandemic
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: but generally. And I feel that too, of like I
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: was hoping that one day because my my family, I'm
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: very lucky that we agree politically on most things, but
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: somehow we still fight. Somehow we still fight. And I
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: love seeing my mom and I love hanging out with
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: my mom. And it's really nice too. She has like
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: a really nice yard and I just like sitting outside
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: and it's nice. I don't have that here. But it's
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: all so true. And I was trying to look into
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: this the other day that, like I just I have
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: many great memories there, but I have many bad memories there.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: So it's like, right, I wish I too, had been
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: hoping for a point when that wouldn't be like, maybe
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: it was still there, but it wouldn't be the thing
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: that I'm like as weeks ahead of time about that
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: it would have kind of eased up a little bit
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: or something.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, at what point does it feel like you were
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: coming into that friendly Folger's commercial hug to your family?
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: When does that happen? And you know, I have to
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: recognize on top of this, with all of the things
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: that are happening around the world, the guilt slash the
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: privilege in this conversation of seeing family, of going traveling,
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: of being able to free to move, being alive, of
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: being in somewhat peace situation that it's hard to understand
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: what's happening and how trivial what we're talking about, and
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: feeling guilty for that too, Like I don't we should.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, let's just be very clear. That is humanity.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: That's what you, as a human, as a person, as
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: someone with feeling should feel. I know that's not odd
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: as we talk about self care or self care, but
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: at the same time, you can't. You can't let go
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: of that because that is inhumane to be able to
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: do that. There are something if you think that that's
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: not easy, you should reconsider what you're paying attention to.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: I think that's the best way to say it. Don't
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: get me wrong, I'm the same. While I'm not saying despair,
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying, you know, harm yourself in any way.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: But we have to recognize that that's still going on
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: and things are happening, as well as the fact that
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: Thanksgiving is racist just racist. Like I'm like, we should
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: not do this, but at the same time, like, there's
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: a piece that we have to hold with family, and
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: we do want to see family. These are the opportunities.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: You know. My partner's sister is a teacher. She gets
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: to tam off she gets to see our family and
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: they are very close and they want to see each other.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: Like things like that, Like that exists, and it's this
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: institution is upheld by a racist situation. So we have
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: to acknowledge that in what we're doing, it's racist, like
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: going to acknowledge it. There's this conversation about what best
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: to do. The twenty third will be the national Day
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: of Morning. I believe there's like things that you could read,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: things that you can watch to at least acknowledge and
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: to educate yourself, educate ourselves on that. So there's that level.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: So there's so many levels to this of like you
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: can't not face it. Pretending like it doesn't exist is
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: not helping anyone. Is there a way to as an
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: individual solve it? I don't know, you know, Like there's
• 15:31
  Speaker 2: so many things that we could help, we could help do.
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: We talked about like one of the biggest things is witnessing.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: Witnessing and acknowledging that it's happening. That has to be
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: something that we do as well, so we don't forget. Also,
• 15:46
  Speaker 2: so we don't allow for propaganda to overtake what is
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: actually happening. There are so many things y'all that it
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: just feels heavy. It feels so heavy, And I think
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: that's part of my problem is acknowledging and understanding some
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: of that heaviness coming from literally orphanage to this will
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: never leave me, which is why I always feel guilty
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: that I'm not grateful for something and then I'm not
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: contributing to something on a bigger scale, Like at least
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: when I was doing social work, I felt like I
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: was sacrificing a bit of my physical and mental health
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: for something and it felt right, but looking back on it,
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: like it was still the wrong way, Like it was
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: still the wrong way. Like it just like I feel
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: like I fed into a system that did not help.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: I may have helped individual families because I was able
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: to at least stop the system for them and some
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: of the kids, but I also upheld some of the
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: systems for kids because I didn't know what else to do. Like,
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: it's just there's so much to this that like it
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: just feels like the added guilt of like I should
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: not be able to I should not be doing this
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: because it does uphold a racist system. But at the
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: same time, like what battles do I choose and how
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: do I acknowledge it, and all of that feels so heavy.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: And I say this again in a privileged situation where
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting in a booth talking into a computer getting paid,
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: you know, like there are so many things to that
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: that I'm like, I know, I know. This is outside
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: of like where you see people literally setting themselves on
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: fire to try to bring attention to a conflict that
• 17:39
  Speaker 2: is happening around the world. The genocide that is happening
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: around the world, the constant wars and battles and death
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: and sickness and like all those things, and that's even
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: happening in our backyards. The shootings, the deaths, the women
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: being denied access, all of these things. There's so much
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: that it feels overwhelming, Like as I'm talking to you,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: like I'm overwhelmed, you know, there's so many things that
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: it just feels hard mm hmm. And at the same time,
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I know it's supposed to be mm hmmm. So where
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: is that balance, you know, And and that's I don't
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: think that's never going to be really figured out without
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: also trying not to be the woe of the world
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: type of person. That is just it's a lot, it's
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: a lot, and for the holidays, I feel like it
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: gets compacted into even more.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: It does. I think it does because there's a pressure
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: for a lot of people. You're supposed to it's supposed
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: to be like a good time, but then you put
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: that pressure on there and then it's like and you
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: don't see these people all the time, or at least
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: in my case, I have other I'm always interested when
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I talk to friends where it's not this situation for them,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: and I think part of it is they just see
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: their family a lot, so it's a much more like
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: she just have a slightly bigger meal than we normally
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: would have, right, But it really is. I think there's
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: a lot of stuff around why it is stressful for
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: so many people. And I will say for me, my mom,
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: it's fine, she has COVID. Supposedly we'll be fine by then,
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: I guess hopefully. But my little brother, my older brother
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: got in a fight, so he's not coming, which is fine,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Like I mean, it's not great, but it's like it's
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: just gonna be the thing hanging over it is like
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: he's not there, you know what I mean. Like it's
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: it's not that I'm like upset, Yeah, I'm sad I
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: won't see him, but it's not like I'm like, oh God,
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: but it's just gonna be hanging over the whole thing, right,
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people have situations like
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: that in their families.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah right, I mean I think there are definitely in
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: similar situations as us, especially as myself, about the conflict
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: between our families, trying to really navigate this time to
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: being conscientious. Like, being conscientious is the key of all
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: of this. I'm not telling you to be crying all
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: the time about it, but again, like there's this awareness
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: that we have to be fully fully awake too, and
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: I think that's also that level. I am not fund
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: at parties, We'll just say that, so don't invite me.
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I think there's a lot to be that,
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: And you know, I do want to say I am
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: thankful for so many things. But again, like this holiday
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: that we're as you're listening, if you're listening on the
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: day that this is released, it's racist. So trying not
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: to acknowledge that is is not the answer either. So
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: all these things, we will tell you this, I'm very
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: very thankful that we do have this platform, very grateful
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: that we have listeners who understand this conversation and understand
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: it to the core, and we want to acknowledge that
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: there's so much privilege in everything that we've talked about
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: and to the point that it gets tiresome. We know,
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: we know, we know. But for those who are struggling,
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: we also see you. I think that's that's the biggest
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: key to this is that we see you and we
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: won't stop talking about it. And if we seem like
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: we're lacking in something, please let us know, because we'd never, ever, ever,
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: ever want to be the hosts that can't see beyond
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: our own experiences. That would be the biggest I think,
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: like straw on the back for me, you'll be like, okay,
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: let's send a quip. I quit everything is if that
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: was the case that we can't or we don't acknowledge,
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: or we don't talk about or ignore the bigger conversations
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: or some of the things that we might not feel
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: today ourselves in our small corner over here, but the
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: fact that we we are witnessing and we are witnessed
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: to what is happening.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Yes, well, cheers.
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, cheers, this wipe and.
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: Wine, that's all right. It's you know, unnecessary. You know,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I haven't I haven't spoken to my mom about the
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: book yet, but I can update. She did say. She
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: did say that she learned a lot about intersectional feminism
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: from it. So I think I love it. I think that,
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: you know, it's good to know that we're still reaching
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: people and still hopefully doing something. Yes, as well, listeners,
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: whatever you're doing, we hope that you're well and as always,
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: we would love to hear from you. You can emails
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: at Stephanie and mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: on Instagram and TikTok at stuff When Never Told You.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: We have a tea public store, and yes, we do
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: have a book that you can get wherever you get
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: your books. Thank you too, our super producer Christina, our
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey. Thank you and
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: thanks to you for listening. Stephan Never Told You is
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: a production by Heart Radio. For more podcasts or my
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: heart Radio, you can check out the heart Radio app,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or where you listen to your favorite shows.