Latest / Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha / Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: The Crucible of Character: Honoring Parents as Spiritual Development 4.19.26

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Rabbi Moshe Haber Orchot Yashar: The Crucible of Character: Honoring Parents as Spiritual Development 4.19.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  As you go through the different steps that this in this book of
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  Hodja Sheriff Heinkanski brings in developing a person.
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  We said all along uses different letters of that was that goes in
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  order. Last week was you had Shamaya
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  Shamaya and the whole concept how being God fearing is not
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  just one element of a Jew. It really shapes how we act in
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  private and how we act in a very real, genuine way.
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  Tell you what's the act? That time huge.
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  And then there's Huff. What is Huff with A2 over here?
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  So he brings an item which is a very important mitzvah.
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  It's one of the major mitzvah. But it's somewhat surprising at
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  first that this shapes a person. But you'll see, I think over the
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  process of this class from this effort, how this item really is
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  extremely significant and who you are and what you become.
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  And it's called Kiwuda Vayam kumuda of Amazon rakaf.
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  And this is honoring and respecting your parents.
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  And it's considered literally something that shapes a person.
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  The first of all, how significant is this mitsan #1?
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  It's in the sed debrot to give respect to your parents.
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  It's in the 10 commandments. That's that's a sign of
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  significance. And 1 #2 is that we're told the
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  mania de kuna Mecca Todal tells us that a person gets long life
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  when they do this mitzvah of taking care of their parents,
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  Keep without am am. Our long life is one of the few
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  mitzvah we have. We mentioned the reward in this
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  world is keep without am. OK, those are two points #3 it's
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  without at the same time tells us that if a person plays around
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  with keep without am doesn't do a great job.
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  That tells us if he hits his parents and creates A wound,
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  what's the punishment? Hayav Mita It's a little severe,
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  it seems he got, he got into a rage, he hit his parent, he gave
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  him a cut. Hayav Mita.
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  If the person we're all in, we curse his parents.
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  Hayav Mita These are very severe punishments for a person, the
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  way they treat their parents. All these things prove that
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  we're talking about a topic that is far greater and far more
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  important than it seems. And that is giving honor,
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  respect to your parents is one of the main things that Tudak
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  cares about. But why?
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  Why is it so significant? And we can never say one would
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  try more than the other. We can derive from the
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  punishments and from the way it's, it's the language, we can
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  derive significance. Why is it so significant?
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  Why is it kibwa? I am.
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  It's an unbelievable employment. Thought they gave you life.
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  So the command says that you have three partners who created
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  you, your mother, your father and Hashem.
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  So that means they're in, in this sense, from your
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  perspective, there are somewhat equal footing to God and they in
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  fact, they put into this world with with a shame gives you life
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  throughout the truth and well, only there is, but they're seen
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  as more than its regular Shaliak.
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  Why? Because the way the Quran says
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  it is they have three partners. The Quran says there's three
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  partners. God doesn't say it,
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  congratulations. You use a typical Shluka
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  mitzvah, Shaliaka mitzvah. He cannot uses terms.
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  You have three partners and they are father, mother and Hashem.
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  That's Part 1. It gives a major significance.
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  And I think that the the theme and the important significance
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  of Kibo Raven is that it's sharp chain away and it's the greatest
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  training ground of character a man has in his work.
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  And that is when a child takes care of his parents.
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  When a child serves the parent, that's one part service, taking
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  care of being there for them. And the flip side, on the other
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  hand, a child is also in fear, in awe, respect, stands up,
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  doesn't sit in their seat. That shapes the child's
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  character in the greatest way because it makes the person what
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  they need to be. Hashem wants a person to be 1
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  who recognizes something called Kabul.
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  It's recognized something called to those who deserve respect and
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  those who deserve or those who deserve to be on a pedestal in
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  front of us. We have to recognize that people
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  are more hashuv than us. That is done to Kivuda van.
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  Hashem wants us also to be there to take care of other people, to
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  be giving to other people, to serve other people.
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  That is done to Kivuda van Kivuda.
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  This Miss Father's concept really takes a child from an
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  individual who can be self selfish, who can be thinking
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  about themselves and it makes them into a person.
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  The beauty of this mitzvah is that it makes you who you are.
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  You're forced in a sense to become something special to
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  taking care of your parents. Again, it's both.
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  Now what is Kibravan? There's two elements and this
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  team is an element of service and this element of awe.
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  Two different things, Kibou and Yeda service means you provide
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  for them, you take care of them, you give to them.
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  So now you're forced to be a giving person, you're forced to
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  be a thoughtful person, you're forced to be a person that gives
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  up his time and is able to spend a lot of time to instead of
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  another person. And that makes you a better one
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  in general. And now all also means you're
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  forced to look at a person and a highlight.
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  Look at them like they're more than you look at them, like they
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  have what to say and they have wisdom and that they're
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  important regardless of their overall stature.
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  In your eyes, they're everything.
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  My father, my king. That should be your perspective
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  toward your own father. Even he has a degree of my king.
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  He's my mother, he's my everything.
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  Even though he's a regular guy, even though in the community he
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  should be like a regular person, but to me he's special.
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  My father, my mother is special. And that shapes your perspective
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  of how the how the idea of cavoid exists.
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  The concept a child goes up with the idea.
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  Daddy walks into the room, you stand up.
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  You don't sit by your parents, your father's chair or your
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  father mother's chair. You don't argue how how a
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  severely is halachat. According to halacha, a person
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  is not allowed to argue with their father and they can't say
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  you're wrong. You can't say you're wrong to
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  your father happens to be. It's very difficult.
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  If you work with your father, how you do this is very
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  difficult. I had a hard time and I had to
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  always avoid saying I never said the word you're wrong.
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  I don't think I've ever seen those words, but I have to say
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  no. I think this, I have to stop
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  yourself because part of your eyes, part of respect and fear,
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  and always there are a higher degree than you.
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  Whatever they say is right and you have to work your way around
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  it. That's exactly.
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  I don't agree with them either. You have to work your way around
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  it all right? If you're having a conversation
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  with some worker at some low level worker on your company,
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  you don't care if he says you're right or wrong, right?
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  Doesn't make a difference what you say.
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  And a father should be treated the exact same way.
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  Now, that's very difficult to do, especially with the
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  closeness and the relationship we have with our fathers.
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  It causes this problem. But the theme is that, you know,
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  means I am treating this person like he's something special and
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  that makes for you an overall better person.
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  And that's a beautiful distance size.
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  Now how special is the reward So they bring they'd be like this.
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  I was reading before I started the class.
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  I was reading over a story, but a rabbi name and be sure up in
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  Elam is rabbi had a dream and said and Adrina told him smart
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  build a vercher. He should be very happy.
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  She's very excited because you and a man not us and asked the
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  butcher you and an asked the butcher.
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  You're both going to have the same spot in Canada.
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  Why should they make a rabbi who is the great rabbi happy?
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  He's going to be equal level as a butcher.
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  My mother's called exciting. You go very good.
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  That's excellent. Exactly right.
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  That's a bad name. How does that make sense?
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  And you and the butcher, why is it?
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  Why should it make the rabbi happy and he and a sermon
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  butcher on the same level in he woke up and he said what does
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  that mean? Oily.
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  I'm I'm scared. Woe unto me.
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  I spent my whole life with my whole life.
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  All I do is learn. I would never walk more than
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  four or more than six feet without Sisya and Tefelina.
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  Now you leave Shimonim Tamidim. I have 80 students and now
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  they're telling me that my actions and all my learning is
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  equal to a butcher. Butchers are good people but
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  come a whole life learnt it out. They're cutting meat.
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  What's going on here, right, Shalaka Tamidov, he said for his
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  students, he says, I will not go back into the Bemitash until you
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  show me who this butcher is and what are his actions 'cause he's
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  my partner in Ganeda, my auntie. He went with Tamidov from city
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  to city looking for a man named Nanas, until they came to the
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  city of Nanas. They came in, they said, where
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  is his butcher? I remember they said, why would
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  you, the rabbi, look for a butcher?
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  Why do you care about a butcher? What are you looking for?
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  He said. You're they said to him, you're
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  a Hassid, you're a Sadiq, you're a big deal.
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  You're looking about such a guy. He said I understand.
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  I want to find him. What are his actions?
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  He's obviously a special person or either either that or I'm
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  very much not a special person right.
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  They said Robin Rabbi don't even ask for him.
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  You have to see him. They went and asked for him
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  Armulo. I mean they told the butcher the
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  rabbi the gradient be show up and he left was looking for you.
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  Am I laying on us? Who am I, who are my father's
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  that this rabbi looked for me. They said look, you got to go
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  with us. We have to find the rabbi needs
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  you. He's thinking to himself they're
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  lying or they're making fun of me, right?
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  I'm not. I'm not going to go with you.
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  You're making fun of me. You're teasing me.
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  Oh, the rabbit called for me. Yeah.
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  They went back to the rabbi, and there's the rabbi.
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  The guy's not coming. The Bush's not coming because
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  he's afraid of being embarrassed.
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  All right. All to yourself, Ordinary.
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  You're afraid, Rabbi. You're the light of the Jewish
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  people. Tear to the Shen of you, Rabbi.
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  You're our crown. All right.
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  There's no way you want to see him, the rabbi said.
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  Until I see this person, I'm not going back to learn, so you
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  better show it to me. He went and found the butcher
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  himself. And on us fell this man, This
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  butcher fell on his face in the presence of a rabbi.
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  He said, What's happening? Why would the rabbi come to me?
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  Your servant, The rabbi said, Tell me something.
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  What? What did you daily schedule?
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  What's special about you? What do you do?
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  He said, What do you mean, Mama? Said Mama Doctor Amarla Adoni
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  Katsavani. I'm a butcher, he actually of a
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  ham. OK, to the point.
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  I have a father, a mother that are elderly and then I able to
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  stand and own 2 feet and every single day I need malbisham.
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  I dress them Umar khilam and I feed them Umar haid zombie idea
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  and I bathe them with my own hands.
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  The rabbi said I heard enough. He stood up, he kissed the man
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  on his head. He said Benny, my son Ashrika
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  praiseworthy of you and you're lucky for your lot and I'm now
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  so lucky that I have you as my partner in Ghanaian.
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  I know I spent my whole life learning.
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  I know I spent my whole life I made students.
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  I know I spent my entire life when you got your mind.
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  I never walked more than six feet without talent and to
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  feeling. Now I know how lucky I am.
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  I must have done a lot to join you, the butcher, because of the
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  mood of am that you had, which shows us clearly.
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  There's no greater way to describe this concept.
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  I don't want to say there's no greater mitzvah, but the concept
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  of what a person can perform by serving his parents, what a
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  person becomes by serving his parents.
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  Excuse me? It's something unbelievable
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  develops a person like nothing else.
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  It softens you to have a kind of heart.
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  It makes you more thoughtful. It makes you understand the idea
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  of respect. It makes you give away your time
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  to something that seems literally like I'm just wasting
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  my time. You know, the grand classic
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  example of the person of martyrs, the tribe.
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  I think the name was the name. Was it him who?
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  He would sit there, he would write and follow the answer for
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  a couple of order. He went and got the couple of
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  order, came back, his father fell asleep and now he's sitting
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  there holding the cup of order and he's just waiting and he
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  waits your father to wake up. And the God tells us in that
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  story. Meanwhile, while he's waiting
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  for his father, he figured out the shot that a new pedicintili.
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  And I learned this game out many times.
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  And I always thought to myself, why is it significant that he
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  learned the shot, the pedicintili while he's waiting
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  for his father? Because a person thinks that I'm
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  serving my father. I'm mourning my learning.
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  I'm mourning my personal development.
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  I'm not going to develop as much, huh?
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  Here you are, you waiting if you follow the cup of water.
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  And here's what you learned of Sean in the predicate daily.
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  Why? Because you're not going to lose
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  out one drop when you serve your parent now one iota.
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  Instead, you can develop and develop and develop.
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  And I've seen it. We've all seen it.
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  People shape their character, they mold themselves.
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  They adapt all the Medoth they're supposed to get only
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  through serving their parents. It's an unbelievable
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  development. And the beauty of this concept
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  is, I said if you do it for your parents, then your children will
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  do it for you. It's clear as they if you do it
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  for your parents, your children will do it for you.
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  It's proven many, many times there's both a spiritual source
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  to this and there's a natural source.
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  And that is if your children watch you taking care of your
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  parents, they're going to think that's how it works and then do
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  the exact same thing for you. And this topic is such a very,
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  very wide range. A person can think to
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  themselves, keep whatever means, OK, I take care of them whatever
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  I try or keep whatever them can mean this.
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  I think about them, I call them, I visit them, I worry about
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  them, I provide for them, I help them.
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  That could be keep whatever am in your mind.
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  It's a very, very wide range and the difference is played out in
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  our own children. Which means if I choose the cop
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  out version, I make a phone call once in a while, I visit once a
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  month, I say hello, I'm nice, I'm a good son, cop out version
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  that my children will choose the cop out version for me, it's
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  that simple. But if I choose the full version
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  and the full 1 is I give them the time, I visit and talk about
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  nothing. I call them all the time.
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  If I'm able to provide. I spend a little money on my
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  parents, even though I'm not obligated to.
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  I spend a little bit on my parents, right?
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  I think about them, I worry about them.
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  I make them feel special. These are real things.
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  Kivu Raven makes a parent think. Like there's something, all
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  that. Then what the outcome is, is
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  that I chose not the loophole version.
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  I chose the full version. And what's gonna happen?
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  My chosen on me? The exact same thing.
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  Inshallah, every president gets old one day and every person is
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  going to be relying on their children one day, one way or
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  another. That's just the way it is.
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  And at that point, if you did or if you try to do the full
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  version and your children will do for you the full version as
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  well. Now you need to know this.
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  Some people don't have the opportunity in their lifetime to
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  do their parents passed, their young relationship was maybe a
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  little restrained. Whatever it was, it wasn't
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  really doable. There are ways to do it even
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  after they passed away, and that is through praying for them,
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  through in English my time to dedicate and donate on their
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  behalf, to learning on their behalf, to address it on their
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  behalf. There are ways to do it even
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  after their past. That is really considered still
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  following the overall theme, however, is it on your mind that
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  they deserve it? In your mind that they are
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  treated like a big deal in your mind and the result is that you
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  chosen to do it for you? There's nothing better than the
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  feeling and a parent has when the kids want to worry about
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  them. No better feeling for a parent.
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  We hope that one day our kids visit, our kids call, our kids
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  provide our kids want to be around this, and we hope that
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  it's only going to come about according to this concept and
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  the full version if we do it for our parents.
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  So it's a very significant idea and to me, it really molds a
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  person modern day. It's hard to develop character
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  in this day and age. One of the only things that we
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  have that's still very old fashioned in this day and age,
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  it's taking care of your parents.
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  And it's an old, I knew it was, it's an old fashioned
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  instruction, right? It's an old fashioned concert.
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  What if it's old fashioned? Because it's still something
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  that's that's that's existed in the world for thousands of years
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  and we still value it even in this world today, even American
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  Society, we value different levels of it, of course, but
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  it's still value somewhat. And because it's still valued,
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  it's a beautiful training ground to make a person a good person.
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  So keep what I have am will mold you, it'll develop you or make
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  you into a personal better character.
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  At the same time, keep what I have am will bring for you great
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  bracha. You won't lose a nickel because
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  you keep what I have am great bracha.
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  I know I want to get 2 details, another and whatever.
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  And my family, my personal family, I have one sibling.
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  I gave a lot to my father. I tried to give a lot myself,
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  but one sibling gave a lot of time to my father of a Shalom.
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  He was sick and that sibling in my humble opinion, God blessed
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  by Hashem in certain ways that I've watched and didn't really
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  make sense and blessed and blessed and blessed.
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  I could say to he or she, but that sibling was blessed and a
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  great way and a lot of things didn't make sense.
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  And my wife, when I always attributed to the fact that my
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  wife made this, this notion, there's Nope attributed to the
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  fact that this one sibling gave more time than anyone else to my
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  father, and because of that, they were blessed.
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  It's an unbelievable thing. Everyone's got their own way of
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  doing it. Some people could be time doctor
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  visits. Some people could be respects
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  making them feel like there's something important they cannot
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  feel good about the way. Whatever it is, you always have
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  your way, but the result is worth it.
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  I mean, that's a chef for all of us.
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  The result will be that our children take care of us just
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  the same. And they, and also they watch us
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  and they learn to proper character and they learn what it
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  means for a child to be a child for a parent.
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  It's the greatest training ground there is for a person to
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  develop. That's I.