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Is Sobriety Supposed to Feel Boring? (The Truth About Dopamine in Recovery) · Recovering Out Loud

• 0:00
  Is sobriety supposed to feel boring?
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  Short answer, yeah, kind of sometimes.
• 0:05
  But boring is good. And it's not because you're
• 0:07
  doing anything wrong, it's because your dopamine system is
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  literally rewiring after years of artificial highs from alcohol
• 0:14
  and drugs. Most people think boredom and
• 0:16
  early recovery is failure and failing.
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  Or I hear this all the time. Life is just less fun when I'm
• 0:22
  sober. I was having so much fun out
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  there. Were you?
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  Were you having fun? Because I wasn't.
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  By the end, I don't even fun, didn't even enter the equation.
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  I was using drugs to survive, to quiet the noise in my head.
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  There was no fun about it. Maybe I would tell myself I was
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  having fun just to not feel so shitty about the whole situation
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  and the fact that I had to go to my third rehab.
• 0:44
  Your nervous system is stabilizing.
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  Your brain is healing. Give yourself a break.
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  Your reward pathways are literally in relearning how to
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  enjoy life again. You're relearning how to enjoy
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  the little things like sirloin steak freshly cooked with a
• 0:59
  baked potato on the side. I'm going to the keg tomorrow,
• 1:02
  so I'm excited. I'm Anthony.
• 1:03
  I'm an addict in recovery. I came into recovery in 2015.
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  I managed to get together 8 years clean and sober and then I
• 1:10
  relapsed and went to my third rehab coming up on 10 months
• 1:14
  again. I'm an addiction counselor now
• 1:16
  and I do these videos to pass on the message of recovery that I
• 1:19
  received over the years. Hopefully it helps.
• 1:22
  If you like what you're hearing and want more tips, just
• 1:24
  subscribe. Follow me on Instagram
• 1:27
  Recovering Out Loud pod and listen to the podcast.
• 1:30
  I appreciate you, thank you. So in today's video, we're going
• 1:34
  to break down why boredom happens neurologically.
• 1:37
  I promise I'll make it as easily understandable as possible and
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  not boring. Why?
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  It's actually a good sign how long it lasts and what you can
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  do to rebuild excitement, pleasure and motivation without
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  relying on cocaine, meth and alcohol or whatever the hell you
• 1:54
  used. So if you've ever thought to
• 1:55
  yourself, is this right? Is this all my life is now?
• 2:00
  Is sobriety just supposed to feel flat?
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  I promise you are in the right place and you are not alone.
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  For the first three months of my recovery again coming back in, I
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  was bored as shit. It actually took me back out
• 2:13
  last time because I thought, is this all my life is now?
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  Stick around. This might be one of the most
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  validating things you've heard in recovery thus far.
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  I hope it is all right. So on a neurochemistry
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  standpoint, I'm not a scientist or a doctor, but here's all I'll
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  try to explain it and what I understand after so many years,
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  months, days, whatever, how long you've been using, you're
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  constantly artificially raising your dopamine, right?
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  So your dopamine level is constantly here at at peak
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  performance and you're constantly doing that over and
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  over again. Your baseline of dopamine drops
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  after a while, right? So that stake doesn't seem, as,
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  you know, good, or the walk outside of the sunset doesn't
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  seem as stimulating, or the simple things that used to love
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  doing just aren't enjoyable anymore, right?
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  That's why a lot of people fall out of their passions.
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  If you play the guitar, you know, playing the guitar just
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  doesn't do it for you anymore because you're so used to your
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  dopamine levels being through the roof because you use drugs
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  and alcohol, your brain starts to adapt to that level over
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  time. So we need to normalize this as
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  just biological withdrawal, not a moral failing.
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  You're not doing anything wrong. It's normal.
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  So think of it like this. You've had the volume level on
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  your sound system at 10 for the last however long you've been
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  using drugs and alcohol. And when you come into recovery,
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  you got to slowly turn up the volume, you know, one tick at a
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  time. You can't just go right to 10.
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  You've essentially blown your speakers until this point.
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  Up until this point, every time you experience boredom,
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  essentially, it's fear, right? For me, it's fear of, is this
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  all my life is now? Is this it?
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  Right? There's no highs and lows, it's
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  just stable. You've been so used to living at
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  a high and low for so long that being in the middle feels scary,
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  right? You missed the chaos and you
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  were so used to the chaos. At least I was.
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  Your brain is learning how to feel again.
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  You're not chasing any highs anymore, just noticing.
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  So I was mentioning that I had relapsed as a result of boredom
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  last time before I went to my third rehab.
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  And I can remember specifically a time driving home from the
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  cottage and I was having those exact thoughts.
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  Is this all my life is now? I have nothing to look forward
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  to, right? That was another big 1.
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  And over time I started to think, you know what I need, I
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  know how to fix this. I'm going to go back on Vyvanse,
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  back on ADHD medication because I used to feel good when I was
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  on it, right? My problem is I don't feel happy
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  enough, right? Dangerous, dangerous place.
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  Notice if you start to do that, because take it from me, it
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  starts with something seemingly as insignificant, like getting
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  back on ADHD medication. Next thing you know, you're
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  smoking meth in someone's basement.
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  As I always say, you got to tell on yourself.
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  If you're bored, talk about it with people.
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  Get it out of your head. You can't do this alone.
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  If you haven't figured that out already, then there's the myth
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  of fun while drinking, right? So we thought we were having
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  fun. I thought I was having fun.
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  I was so much more fun when I was drinking.
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  Not true. Every time I picked up, I ended
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  up by myself in a hotel room because I was so ashamed of how
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  I was doing coke. I didn't want anyone to see just
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  how much I was doing and how often I was doing lines.
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  It was embarrassing, right? So my idea of fun, I always say
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  this, my idea of fun was me alone in a hotel room with a bag
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  of coke and few beers or whatever I could get my hands
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  on. Probably those stupid White Claw
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  drinks. I don't know, disgusting.
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  So I want you to really think to yourself, was it actually fun or
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  was it just distraction with consequences?
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  And don't get me wrong, I had fun in the beginning.
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  There were times when it was fun.
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  Otherwise we don't. I would have never started to do
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  coke, right? There were times when I had fun.
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  I enjoyed the night I was partying, I was able to go to
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  work, I was able to show up and do things, but it didn't didn't
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  last for me, obviously. Otherwise I wouldn't be making
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  this podcast, wouldn't have been a three rehabs, wouldn't have
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  become an addictions counsellor. Then a lot of us fall into this
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  social identity crisis, right? Who am I without alcohol?
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  I'm not the party guy anymore. I'm not the guy with the bag
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  that everyone always comes up to and borrows their drugs off of.
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  I used to hate that. This stage is temporary.
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  You need to relearn who you are. You need to find yourself as
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  cheesy as that sounds. We have two jobs in this life to
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  find our true selves and to love that true self recovery is self
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  searching on a self appraisal self examination.
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  I need to know how I tick, why I tick, why do the things that I
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  do? Why do I use drugs?
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  Well for me it was to turn down the volume in my head, right?
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  I didn't like the noise, the worries of tomorrow, the I'm a
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  bad person. When I would do drugs that would
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  quiet down for a bit until you know that quiet period lasted 2
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  minutes by the end. Next, how to build real
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  dopamine. And I'm not talking about that
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  quick gambling up and down feeling.
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  I'm talking about lasting dopamine, like when you help
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  somebody, you know, find, I don't know their way home, give
• 7:11
  them directions and they thank you from the bottom of their
• 7:14
  heart. Or you celebrate somebody's one
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  year with them and they tell you, I couldn't have done it
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  without you, right? Those are that's real dopamine
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  in my opinion. And this comes from sleep,
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  nutrition, exercise, right? All those boring things that
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  people tell you to do on the Internet that actually fucking
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  work, right? Sunlight, routine, structure.
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  When you start to do these small tasks over and over again, you
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  are building dopamine. I can do things right?
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  I got into running when I got sober the first time I ran 3
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  marathons. I didn't think I could even run
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  10 kilometers. Ended up doing it in recovery.
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  What a gift was amazing thing. I can do hard things.
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  You can do hard things, You just haven't tried yet, right?
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  You haven't figured out what that thing is yet that you can
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  do. The possibilities are endless.
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  You'll never know if you keep drinking and using.
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  This one is important. I love this one.
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  Your definition of fun will change, right?
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  Your priorities change. It's the reason why you stop
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  hanging out with drinking buddies, because you remove the
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  alcohol and drugs. Turns out you don't have
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  anything in common besides alcohol and drugs.
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  You're learning yourself. You're finding new hobbies.
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  For me, it was running and then it was making videos on the
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  Internet and editing and podcasting, right?
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  You've got to try new things to find your new thing.
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  Try hiking with a friend, right? Go.
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  I don't know, travel. Traveling is another one.
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  Maybe wait a bit till you get a little bit more sober to do that
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  one. Because you know, fuck, airports
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  are triggering, other countries are triggering.
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  I can have a drink in Europe and no one would know, right?
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  Have you ever had that thought before?
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  You can go anywhere in the world sober if you're on fit spiritual
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  ground, right? If you're in a place where you
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  have a plan, you can do it, just maybe not yet.
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  Give yourself some time, you'll get there.
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  Trust me. Right now might not be the best
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  time to put yourself in those difficult situations if you
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  don't have tools to cope with cravings, triggers, you know,
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  halt. I, we went to King Street
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  downtown last night, place I fucking hate.
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  I used to party there all the time and I started getting all
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  these emotions, seeing all the old bars and hotels I used to
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  party at and not that I wanted to use drugs or drink, but I was
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  having these emotions. It was just a lot.
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  I could feel it in my body physically.
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  I paused and I said a prayer and I asked for guidance and then I
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  thought to myself, am I halt hungry, angry, lonely, tired.
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  Turns out I was angry and I was tired.
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  Once I acknowledged that, accepted it, it honestly went
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  away. It's it's kind of like magic
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  sometimes if you practice it over and over again, try it.
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  You never know. Loneliness versus boredom 2 very
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  different things, right? Many people think they're bored
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  when they're actually just fucking isolated and lonely,
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  right? It's hard to go outside and
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  connect with people. People suck sometimes, you know,
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  I don't want to go leave my house a lot of the time, but I
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  force myself to do it because I know the benefit is worth it at
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  the end of the day. Going to recovery meetings,
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  talking to people that are going through shit and listening to
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  how they've got through it, it's gives you hope.
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  Community is a huge part of this, right?
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  Community accelerates dopamine and emotional regulation.
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  If I'm hanging out with people and I'm, I'm having a good time,
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  I'm listening to, you know, their life.
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  I'm asking them how they're doing, and then I'm being of
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  service by simply showing up and bringing good conversation and a
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  good time and positive attitude to the event.
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  I'm not thinking about my problems and my shit and the
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  fact that I'm trying so hard not to drink today.
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  I'm not thinking about all that stuff when I'm out with other
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  people. I'm connected.
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  The opposite of addiction is connection.
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  Go and connect. Get out of your head.
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  All right, the plateau phase and how long it lasts.
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  So typically there's about a 60 to 120 day window where life
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  feels flat, Flat but stable. Your motivation starts to come
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  back, your joy starts to come back, your confidence.
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  You know, you're starting to build a routine and do things,
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  check off the boxes, feel good about yourself, right?
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  Help others. This too shall pass.
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  Just get through it all right. And lastly, how to make sobriety
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  fun again exciting again. Set small goals, right?
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  If you haven't called your mom in a while, call your mom.
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  If you need to pay off a credit card minimum payment, do that
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  right. Get the dopamine from from doing
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  small, insignificant, seemingly insignificant things.
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  Clean your bathroom, clean your house, cook a meal, try
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  something you've always wanted to do.
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  Small wins, right? Small wins.
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  This is important. Prove to yourself that you can
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  do shit. You can get shit done.
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  You are more than a bottle on the couch by yourself or a bag
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  in a hotel room in my case. Be comfortable in uncomfortable
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  situations, right? Notice when these feelings come
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  up of like, I don't feel good right now, this doesn't feel
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  good. What is this about?
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  Question it, ask more questions, talk about it.
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  Why do I feel this way? Why does that guy, why is that
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  getting me so angry? The Uber guy riding his bike on
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  the fucking sidewalk, Why do I get so angry about that and I
• 12:00
  need to snap at him? That's a personal one for sure.
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  What is this about? Help others.
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  Call your friend up and ask him how he's doing or how she's
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  doing. Get in someone else's shit, get
• 12:12
  out of your own, and then you'll start to build momentum.
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  So do these things one day at a time.
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  Just don't drink today. One thing at a time, build that
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  momentum and long before you know it, you're doing hard shit
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  again. You're having fun.
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  Your priority of fun changes. Suddenly the hike outside
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  watching the sunrise or sunset is brings you joy again.
• 12:32
  Cooking a nice meal for your partner brings you joy.
• 12:36
  Playing with your dog brings you joy.
• 12:37
  Whatever your thing is, playing the guitar, like I said, brings
• 12:40
  you joy again. It will come, just keep going.
• 12:43
  Excitement is something you create, not something you can
• 12:48
  drink or put up your nose. All right guys, thanks for
• 12:50
  tuning in. If you like this video, please
• 12:53
  subscribe, follow rate the podcast, whatever you do.
• 12:57
  I truly enjoy making these videos.
• 12:59
  If you have comments about what you want to see next, please
• 13:01
  write them below. I will respond and I will do a
• 13:04
  video on that topic. Thank you so much for being
• 13:07
  here. Recovery is simple, not easy.
• 13:11
  One day at a time, you can do it.
• 13:13
  Let's go.