Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: A Super… Food!

Transcript

Dear Banya: A Super… Food! · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Bec Tilly and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing it scrub a dub. This
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: is a Dear Bonya episode. It is back to back weeks.
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: Different from Ask Banya. We've discussed this.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not Ask Banya, it's Dear Bonie.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: These are in depth questions that need in depth answers. Yes,
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: and again this is just our experience. We're just answering unprofessionally, yes,
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: but honestly about how we would handle the situations that
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: y'all are going through if we.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Were in your shoes, So like if you put your
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: feet in our shoes, well, if we put our feet
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: in your shoes, right, what we would do in that
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: situation exactly? And we can only gauge from our.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Perspective exactly, from our personal experience exactly, And that's where
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: our answers come from the heart, all of us here
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: in the scrubbing In.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: But I do feel wiser, if I must say so,
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: because I'm older now, So I do tell you so
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: much how quickly we forget? Yeah, yeah, but I do
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: feel smarter and wiser.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: What time were you born? Though?
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: On the eighteen nine something PM.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: So it's technically you haven't gotten there yet.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: It goes by the time I heard.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: Challenge, or just like because you forgot, I didn't forget.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: Where's my text message? Smarter?
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: We're having a small day. So, yeah, you do feel wiser.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: I do.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: I feel exponentially wiser than I did yesterday. Wow, you
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: get ready for this advice.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear what you offered the Rubbers today.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, watch what I do this year?
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Stay tuned.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Sonic the Hedgehog just zooming around you.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: We have referenced Sonic on this podcast a lot, which
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: is so unexpected.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I know, I can't tell you why I want to
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: be on that movie. I want to be a character.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: I want to be like the modern woman Hedgehog. I
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: don't know if she exists, but if she does, I
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: so badly want to voice her.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: You did an audition, you remember for the character and
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: how your voice would sound if you.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: Get to be a I don't know if that made
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: it to the movie company that makes those.
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: Can we hear that again?
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: I can't remember exactly how I did it. But she's
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: kind of like this.
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: She was really cute.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: She was have like a high, big voice, and she
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: was like, come on, Sonic, my god, this it's cute.
• 2:57
  Speaker 3: Right, Why can't you just be your regular voice. You've
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: kind of a high pitch.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Now you need to go back to your voice that
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: used to have with air R.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Rose. So I'm saving that.
• 3:08
  Speaker 3: For I also want to have that. I think I
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: have that.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: We have a packed by the time I'm thirty three,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: so I have you have for about six years. Well
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: here's the thing. I think Andy is attractive.
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: Andy, come here for a second. Thank you. He is
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: a good looking guy.
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: You think he's smart.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I think he's attractive and smart, and I do think
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: he's nice. Yeah, but we work together, so that's weird.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: That's a good Amy Rose voice right there. Yeah, Gypsy Rose.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: I also realized. I also realized, did you end up
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: seeing Inside Out too? No?
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: But I'm really excited too, Okay.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So I also just want to put it in the
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: universe that when Inside Out three comes out, I really
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: want there to be a delulu emotion and I need.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: And I want to.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Right, yes, I need this to happen.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: How do who makes some is that Pixar?
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: Pixar? Yeah, well, we got.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: To find someone who works there because that's good.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: There, and like because think about what other emotions can
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: there be, Like, there's only so many emotions, delusional has
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: to be one of them, right.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're a cute idea.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: I like it, de Lulu. And then I'll come up
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: with an amazing voice for that.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: I think you just be yourself.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. So anyways, you know, just just dreaming
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: big on this day.
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: I love that manifesting big things in her voiceover.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: World career that is non existent at this point. But
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: you know, reach for the stars and you land. Oh wait,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: what is it?
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, reach for the stars, you land on the moon.
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: No, it's reach for the moon and you land amongst
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: the stars. Yeah, for the moon.
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: Keep your feet on the ground.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: No is that carest is my American Top forty host.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Do you know what I was thinking about?
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: What?
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I was watching Friends last night and it was an
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: episode where Monica and Richard had just broken up and
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: she gets a voicemail and then she like can't figure
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: out if it's from like when they were together, or
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: if it was like if he had contacted her after
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: the breakup, and so she's like freaking out and then
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: she tries to call him back and she's like, I'm breezy,
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: and I was like, this is so tawn.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: I am Monica.
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you have a lot of Monica, a lot of Monica.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Tendancies like truly, and I I consider myself a catch.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: When I look back on certain things in my relationship
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: with Robbie, I'm like, God, bless that man, because I
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: was a lottimes a lot.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: You will be a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Not too much, but not not not not for him.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Let's let him answer that the perfect amount.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: You're the perfect amount for Robbie. Yeah. Have we talked
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: about during the break up, the not the Lulu things
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: you did? But just like saying, yeah, have we talked
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: about that on the podcast?
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: But when you went to the snow, No, I didn't
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: go that.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't even go to the snow.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: Pretended he went to the snow, rob you must have
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: talked about obsessed with the snow like he loves he's
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: like a snow bunny.
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: And I know this, and uh, we were broken up
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: and he would be the first person to watch my
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: stories anything that one of my Instagram stories. He was
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: like the first few.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: Always broken up at this point, no contact, Yeah.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: Because following you or was he just watching your stories?
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: No? No, we never un followed each other. Okay, yeah,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: so he was still following me and watching all my stories.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, why did I think of this? I
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: don't know, but I saw Tory moral you shout out
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: to Tori, yes you love her? And I saw that
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: she was in said snow somewhere and we kind of
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: have like similar I mean not really, but like in
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: the snow you all look the same, you know, and
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: it was like ear and all that gear. I was like,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: Tory is very tall, very tall, and her hair is
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: a lot darker than mine, but like whatever I was
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: taking the snow, it doesn't really matter, like the big
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: chuck things. And I was like, you gotta do your
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: girl solid. Can you send me any photos of like
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: you writing like a heart in the snow, or like
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: your feet in the snow, or like you making snow
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: angels in the snow, something that looks like it could
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: be me in the snow. And she delivered. She sent
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: me exclusive pictures that I posted.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: Immediately went up, immediately went right up, and guess what,
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: immediately got a response from Robbie. What did he say?
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Just like something like so cool? Jealous? Where are you?
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: And guess what I did?
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Left him on red?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Didn't even open it?
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: Oh ball exactly?
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Wait? Is that more baller than left him on Red?
• 8:17
  Speaker 4: I think so.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I think so too, because I doesn't even care to
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: open it.
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: Yes, it also implies you're getting so many dms you don't.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: So far to bury.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: That's buried.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: Interesting. I feel more savage if someone leaves me on
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: red as opposed to them just never seeing.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: It, because I think sometimes, like I know, sometimes I'll
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: read a d M and I won't respond. And it's
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: not because I'm like mad or upset.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: I just you think someone on red feels more calculated.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: To me.
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: It feels like they're playing a game. Oh they read it,
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: but they're not going to responding it. You can't assume
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: they're playing a game.
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: Like what you said on Monday, the opposite of love
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: is a different is not opening the DM.
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: That's all. That's a lumineer's lyric. I can't take credit
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: the opposite of loves and friends?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: No, And then he reached back out on Valentine's Day.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Back out on Valentine's Day responded to one of my stories,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: left that one unread as well, what.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Did you postal?
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: Not?
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: One that got his peaked is interesting.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Heart shaped cookies with initials and I like blocked out
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: one of the initials.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, so one cookie said, or.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: We don't know that, and then he and then he
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: reached out after the golden globes. And then I was
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: tired and hungover and I finally opened the d M.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: It's my time.
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Time.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Do you still check to see who watches your story?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I don't really like check to see, but like, if
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I go through the st people's names pop up, but
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: I don't really check.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Do you check?
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: No, I see the likes? Who likes my story? That's
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: very important to me.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: Do you know I just didn't know because you I mean,
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: I do think that if that would be obsession check
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: and if I didn't see her name within the first
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: ten seconds.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well let me tell you. I'm not going to
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: name this friend because I'm just not going to name her.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: But I wasn't even as bad as one of my
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: other friends. Because she would constantly she would look at
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: the number of followers that her ex had and if
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: it knew exactly followers. Yeah, so whoever he was following,
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: she had that number, okay, and if it went up
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: anytime she would find out who he added, and then
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: like look at that person? What person was? It's not
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: a bad idea, it's not. It's actually a great idea
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: if anyone out there needs that.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: Hasn't hurt anyone. No, no, that maybe you're your own feelings.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Except your own sanity.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: It only affects your own Sandy always.
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: I just love the idea of like seeing the number
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: change and going like, oh, who do you follow Jersey Mike's.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: I saw it go down one and didn't realize it
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: was you.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Oh that would be that would hurt, that would hurt.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: All right, we gotta get to that. We're taking our
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: own advice here. We gotta we gotta give.
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: Breaks, all right, all right, right past, all right, we
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: are back and ready to answer the hard hitting questions
• 11:48
  Speaker 5: from our scrubbers.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: Are scrubbers, here we go. Follow up advice from Laura.
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: Laura says it's me again, Laura, who had the challenges
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: with her boyfriend traveling a lot because of his job
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: with the sports agency. I took your advice. I really
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: took a look at what our communication gaps were, and
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: we came up with check in times and tools that
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: helped make me feel really safe. I made never to
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: focus on some hobbies and make time with my friends.
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: So far, so good, so thank you. But now he's
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: leaving for the Olympics to do some scouring and I'll
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: be gone and he'll be gone for a long time.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: I wanted to ask Becca, it seems like Haley's been
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: gone for a long time, and you seemed to be
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: handling it better than once you went on tour. This
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: is what we just talked about on Monday. Did you
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: approach this differently? My boyfriend and I usually only a
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: part for a week at most, but he'll be gone
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: for six weeks and I won't be able to visit
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: due to work obligations.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: First of all, I'm so proud of you, both of
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: you for focusing on where the gaps were and coming
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: up with ways to help both of you get through
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: this like in a healthy way. So Haley and I,
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I think what happened last year was there was just
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: like certain things that I didn't feel safe about, and
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: so when I would communicate those things, she would almost
• 13:04
  Speaker 2: pull away because she had so much going on that
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: it was almost like too much for her. So even though,
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: like she would say all the things that in a typical,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: like healthy state would normally make me feel better, but
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: because I would get into like a spiral and I
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: couldn't like self soothe, I was.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Just like, oh soothe, it is not the right word.
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I couldn't like calm myself down. So therefore she
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: really couldn't say anything that made me feel calm. So
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: before she left for this time, we kind of figured
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: out what were the things that I was needing, And
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: I think, oh, something for me was that I love
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: quality time. And I realized that for her, she felt
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: like even if she was just checking in with me
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: and letting me know what she was doing, that that
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: was her giving me quality time. But what happened was
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: she would be like, Oh, we're having so much fun
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: and we're doing this, this and this, and I would
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: just be like, I'm miserable and you're having so much
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: without me, Like it made me like hurt my feelings
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: so much. Yeah, which wasn't a healthy mindset, because you
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: should be able to have fun without your partner and
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: they should be able to have fun without you, right,
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: but I was in a different mindset at that time,
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: So this time it's been like she does check ins
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: when she can. I also just know because I was
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: up there her first week when the project kind of started.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I saw what it was like during the day and
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: how insane it was. So now I don't make up
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: things of like why haven't I heard from her. I'm
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: just like, I know what the schedule is like, and
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: if I do hear from her she checks in or
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: calls me, it's like a little bonus. But most of
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: the time I know I'm going to talk to her
• 14:37
  Speaker 2: at night, and then when she has time, we do
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: things that we love to do that's quality time, like
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: play games over the phone or like do things that
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: we would do if she was already together. So I
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: think that's just been helpful and also just you know,
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: knowing that it really came from like confidence and security
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: in my own self that had nothing to do with her.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: That's been a big part.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I'm beca answered it perfectly, So I'm just gonna sprinkle
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: a little thing in there. But like, if you feel something,
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: say it, because I have an experience, like I don't
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: roby and I don't have to be a part like
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: this ever. But when he was in New York for
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: that wedding, we were apart for four days, and like
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: when he landed in New York, he was like, I
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: miss you already, and I was like, that's so cute,
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like we were living apart
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: for whatever six hours, and I was like, that's so cute,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: and like you'd always say just little things like that
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: about you know, like I he hit such a good
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: time at the wedding, he had such a good time
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: at you know, all the things he did around the wedding,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: but he was like, I wish you were there, and like,
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: you know, just saying those little things means a lot.
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: I was gonna say that too. Haley has done a
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: really good job of being like I had so much fun.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: We did this, this and this, and it was so
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: much fun. But it would have been even better if
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: you were there. So it just gives me reassurance that
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: she's thinking of me and missing me, which I already know,
• 15:50
  Speaker 2: but it's nice to hear it. Yeah, So good luck,
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: you're gonna be You're gonna be good and strong and
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: six weeks when you have the rest of your life.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: That's a drop in the buckets.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: From Brianna. She says, I need help. There's a coworker
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: in the IT department that I'm crushing on. I am
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: the HR manager. We don't have a written policy about
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: not dating coworkers, but on the organizational chart, I would
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: be considered his superior.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: He's very professional, so I don't think he'd ever go
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: out of the way to blur the line if he
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: was interested in me. But I feel like I've been
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: dropping handkerchief to nudge him in my direction, and I'm
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: at a loss. I haven't pulled a Tanya and brought
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: in blueberries for National Blueberry Day because we've talked about
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: it being his favorite fruit. Oh no, do I push
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: the gas and go for it or pump the brakes?
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: That is so cute, and there is a National Blueberry Day.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: They're so high in antioxidants.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: It's a great, thoughtful superfood, honestly, but.
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: It's a super food.
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:52
  Speaker 5: And it's a superfood, yeah yeah, but that is very
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: It's a blueberry and it's a blueberry, yeah.
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: Exactly, it.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: Berry and it's a blueberry.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But what's a super food versus super It's a
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: great food and it's a superfood.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: Super food when word being you now and super adjective space.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: Food, Like it's a super food. It's in the category
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: of like super foods. Yeah, it's also a super food.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: What does the name have to do is.
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: A great lake and it's a great lake. Yeah, here's
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: one for you. A grapefruit is not a grape fruit.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, but it's a great fruit, right right, right, right right? Yeah?
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: How do these have anything to do with each other?
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: What's a super food versus a super food?
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: You said it?
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: Superfood is a nutrient rich food kind official for health
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: and well being?
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: And what's a super food?
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: Great?
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: So super.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Bloomberry is not super food.
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: It's a superfood. I wouldn't say it's super food.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: That's an opinion for sure.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: It's injective.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's not like Michigan.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: It's a great leg, but it is a great late
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: but that's a fact.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, back to you, Brianna.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, this feels she's giving Tanya energy.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Kayler energy, and I don't like it. Oh no, yeah, Tanya,
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Kaylor I know, I know, I know, I know.
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: Why do you think he's not into her? No?
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I don't think he's not into her. But like I
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: did this all the time. I sent him what's his nuts?
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, it makes me so sad. I can't
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: even think about this. It made me like a.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: National Cookie Day, and like he didn't deserve for me
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: to send him cookies.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: This guy and they made out one night. He was
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: like JoJo's brother's friend came in town and they like
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: had a great night.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: We all went out to marry him.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: And then she sent him cookies and I was like, no, I.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: Was like national cookie. Did he like loved chocolate cookies.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just one of the best chocolate chip
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: cookies in Los Angeles? And I did and it went nowhere.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: And No, I sent him milk. I think it was
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: like milk jar or something.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: At the time, he did not deserve that.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: He did not deserve that, And so like, I don't
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: know if this guy deserves your blueberries. You're super busy.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: I just I don't like it because you're saying that
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: he doesn't like to blur the lines, and so I
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: don't want you to like put yourself.
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: Out there, but I don't. I think you're right. I don't.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: I don't think this is going to work. Yeah, but
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: I'm in with the heart wants what it wants, and
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: shouldn't she go for it? I don't know, but I
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: feel like this is not This feels wrong to me.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: This feels like it's not going to end well.
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: I think he's also probably apprehensive of engaging because they worked,
• 19:51
  Speaker 4: they were together.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean that never stopped me.
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: You're in any case you are every way.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: And not case too.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: But here's the thing. You know, if someone's interested like you,
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: Not really, I mean that they're not.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, again, you're not the best person.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: I feel like you can get a vibe if someone's interested,
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: even if it's in a work setting and everyone's trying
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: to be professional, you can tell if someone's interested.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Totally.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, totally.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: I don't relate to that.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, maybe you can't tell. See my my gut
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: is saying, what if y'all through like a little uh,
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: like a little at a group per mixer, company mixer,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: a company mixer, like an end of summer bash, and
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: y'all go, I don't know, to a bar, I don't
• 21:00
  Speaker 2: where you live, Yeah, to bar somewhere that's sociable and
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: like comfortable, and see what the vibe is and if
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: you feel like there's some flirty behavior, I said, go
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: for it.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: If you know how old you are. But if you
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: can get him to take a shot with you, you know,
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: it's game on. I'm just saying, if you do drink,
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: if you're of age, and that's what you would like
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: to enjoy on your weekends, if you can get him,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: like any guy I could get to take a shot
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: with me, I knew, was like game.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: I think that's loose advice. Really yeah, I think people
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: like free alcohol so dark, okay. I would have something
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: a group setting where you see each other outside of
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: a work setting, see if the vibe is there, if
• 21:48
  Speaker 2: it's flirty, if you're even still into him outside of
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: a work dynamic, and then I think you just kind
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: of flirt and see if you get anything back, and
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: if you don't move.
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: On, haven't fired. I can't murder reassigned him to Siberia.
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: I say, pumped the brakes unless you get some real
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: evidence that he's interested back.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: What's real evidence?
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Uh?
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: You got in blueberries? Maybe National Rubarb Day is coming up.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: He'll get you some rubarb pie. That would be evidence.
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so if he returned the favor, I think if he.
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: Returned to the favor, that's a positive sign. Or even
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: anything a lingering touch, you know, like there's something eye contact.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: Eye contact is good contact.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: A lot of eye contacts.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: You actually feel assaulted from Ty's eye contact, exactly. Heartbroken
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: anonymous scrubber. My boyfriend and I dated for nine months.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: We broke up in January. I felt he was the
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: one I was supposed to marry. He was everything I
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: prayed for. The breakup was unexpected, no cause, no arguments.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: He started pulling away over the holidays. We broke up
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: a couple of weeks after he got back. The breakup
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: was emotional for both of us. We cried and held
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: each other. He felt he failed and leading a godly
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: relationship and wanted to focus on his goals. He mentioned
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: that who knows, maybe we'll get back together one day.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: We've continued to talk a couple times months each other.
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: Once a month left time we met. It felt like
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: we never broke up. We kiss each time we see
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: each other. He knew I thought we would get married,
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: but he wasn't there yet. While we were dating. Recently,
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: he said he's getting closer to wanting to get back together.
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: He suggested that if we did get back together, we
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: would marry. In three months. He referenced Ross and Rachel
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: and implied we might get married, saying to give it time.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: Do you think there's a chance we could get back together? Tanya?
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: How did you stay patient and hopeful with Robbie when
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: you knew he was the one? Thanks for your insight, Well,
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: have you.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: Tried posting pictures? So no, First of all, I'm so sorry.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: That is like the worst thing ever when you are
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: broken up with and you feel like that person is
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: your person, there's no worse pain. So I'm sorry you're
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: going through that. I feel like in my situation, we
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: broke up around the holidays as well well, and that
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: was so dark because it was the holidays and I
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: was spending them alone. And then I remember my parents
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: both got COVID and so I was really alone and
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: it was such a dark time. But I still knew
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: he was the one, Like I remember when we broke up,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: I was just like, this doesn't make sense, Like it
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: just doesn't make sense. It doesn't feel right, And I
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: think you kind of have to get to a place
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: where you keep a hopeful hard because I always felt
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: like we would get back together, but also have the
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: reality that it might not happen. And I think I
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: got to that point. I think once I cause we
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: two for the first i'd say month, month and a
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: half of our breakup, we still saw each other. We
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: would hug and kiss and like do all that. And
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: after a month and a half, yeah, like into January,
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: we still would like not often, we weren't like seeing
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: each other every day, but I saw him like once
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: or twice we still talked, Like on New Year's we talked.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I saw him in January we kissed. Uh. And then
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: at that point I just cut it off. I was like,
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: I can't do this. If we're like broken up and
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: that's what you want, then I really have to be
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: broken up. And that's when I started just cold turkeying it.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't respond to any of his call I would
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: not answer his calls, I didn't respond to his dms.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: Like I was just cold turkey because that's the way
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: that I had to move on process it. And then eventually, again,
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: like Beck always says, whatever's meant to be will be,
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: and then we ended up talking and we had a
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: really big fight before we got back together, and then
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: when then we got back together.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: I feel like he's trying to have his cake and
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: eat it too. I feel like he has his cake
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: and he's eating it too because he wanted the breakup,
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: But then he's also getting to see you when he
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: wants to see you, and kiss you when he wants
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: to kiss you.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: The same advice you gave me when this was happening
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: with Robbie, what he has.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Wants because I was like, you ended this, so leave
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: her alone. Leave me?
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, leave her alone.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: Love me, Robbie. I do.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: I love Robbie.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy I'm coming together. But in the moment,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: I was like, leave her alone.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: And that's how I feel because I feel like what's
• 26:10
  Speaker 2: happening is that if he is not there, and he's
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: if he doesn't see a genuine future with you, then
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: he is keeping you in a place of heartbreak and
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: a place of not being able to move on. And
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: I think it's a very selfish move. And I also
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: I come from like the religion world of like God
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: told me we're not supposed to be together, and it
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: is like my biggest ick. I'm sorry, I just do
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: not like it. I think it's such a cop out
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: and what he's doing is not godly to me, because
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: if he really loved you and loved what God was
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: telling him to do, he would let you move on,
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: or he would say, hey, I want to be with
• 26:46
  Speaker 2: you and be a man and be a partner to you.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, sounds like she needs to go cold Turkey.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: I think you go cold Turkey because I think that
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: if you're meant to be, it'll happen. But I think
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: you give yourself a chance to move one from him.
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I remember when I was cold Turkey, I
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: did somebody. Somebody did try to set me up with
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: someone and I did accept the date. It was like,
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: I think it was still kind of covidy times. We
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: did a FaceTime date. But the funny part is is
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: this date that I had with this guy, we end
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: up both talking about our exes the entire FaceTime. He
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: was talking about his ex girlfriend. I was talking about Robbie.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: And we followed each other on Instagram and we still
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: follow each other. He ended up getting back with his
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: ex girlfriend. He is now married to her with a baby,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: and I ended up getting back with Robbie, we are engaged,
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: and so it's just very very funny. But like I
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: was open to it, Like I was like, yeah, let's
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: like have a FaceTime date. And we were chatting for
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: a couple of days.
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it just well, that's what I'm saying. I
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: don't I'm not saying you're never going to get back together.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I just think that he's getting way too much out
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: of this breakup and you're the one who's hurting.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you might have to cald Turkey it. I
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: hate to say it.
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you'll never regret focusing on yourself and living
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: your life.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 28:00
  Speaker 3: You got to move on. And if you end up
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: together one day, glorious. But if you count on that,
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: you're only going to stay stagnant.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: You're not going to And I'm not going to encourage
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: playing games because I don't think it's like a game.
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: But I know in our situation, because I went so
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: cold Turkey and Robbie, he thought that I had moved
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: on and that he lost me forever and that freaked
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: him back.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: That's jarring. Absolutely thinks he's going to marry you in
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: three months if you get back together. First of all,
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: that's other all bs, or he really believes it. But
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: either way, you're better off focusing on you and moving on.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't think you should get married after
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: three months, even if you'll, even if you disregard our
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: advice and get back together with him, I would say,
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: don't do that.
• 28:40
  Speaker 3: Red flags plenty right here.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Yeaheah, well, not necessarily, not necessarily.
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, from the information we're sing, I think you focus
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: on yourself.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: I agree, you'll never regret doing that, and you're better.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: You're better than being at his beck and cal whenever
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: he decides he's lonely and wants to see you and
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: kiss you.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: That's not okay. Preach from anonymous. My husband and I
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: have been married fifteen years. We've got three kids. He's
• 29:08
  Speaker 3: a great husband, he's a great dad, but we struggled
• 29:11
  Speaker 3: for years with him having a porn addiction. I get it,
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: guys look at porn from time to time, even though
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: I don't love it. But I have found him so
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: many times in our home with the kids in the
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: next room on our family iPad, and I'm so tired
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: of fighting this battle with him. He agrees it's a problem,
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: then it'll stop for weeks and then later I'll find
• 29:28
  Speaker 3: it again. I love him so much. I don't want
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: it to rip our family apart, but I feel so disrespected.
• 29:32
  Speaker 3: We are going to start therapy together next week try
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: to work through this, but honestly, I'm afraid our problems
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: have gone past the porn and now into him not
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: respecting me enough to stop. Any advice you can give
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: me I would greatly appreciate, especially Mark and Easton's mail perspectives.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: Oh oh nice. I mean, look, yes, it is a
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: respect issue. It's not. I mean I shouldn't be so
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: cavalier about actual porn addiction, sex addiction. These are things
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: that I am not terribly familiar with, understand very much.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: So I don't want to be dismissive of those things, right.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Because I'm curious when she says porn addiction, because I
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: feel like there's a difference between what makes it porn addiction.
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: Using the family iPad?
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, do sound like signs. But let's say it wasn't.
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: Let's say it was alcohol. Would you say he doesn't
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: respect me enough to quit alcohol? So if it's a
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: legitimate addition addiction, then I think we need to have
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: some patients and go through the process, and therapy is
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: the right thing, right, But if you don't feel like
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: it's an actual addiction, which you would know better than we,
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: then then yeah, then it sounds like a respect issue
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: and he needs to understand where your boundaries are because
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: there is no right and wrong in relationships. It's respecting
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: the other person's wishes for what is right and wrong
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: in a relationship.
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: I agree completely, But they say addiction is when you
• 30:52
  Speaker 4: continue the behavior in the face of like severe consequences
• 30:55
  Speaker 4: or something like you you get drunk at work or like,
• 30:58
  Speaker 4: you know, you drive drunk, something like that. And I
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: think that he's again I don't know too much about
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: it either, but I think that it probably fits the bill.
• 31:06
  Speaker 4: And she probably said like, hey, if you keep doing this,
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna leave. Maybe maybe she said that, and that
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: on some level, yeah, that he keeps doing it, keeps
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: doing to try probably trying to hide it from her,
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: And uh, I don't know that that needs to be addressed.
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: That's that's you know, I'm not saying porn is bad,
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: but like, I don't know if he if this is
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: like really affecting their intimacy, affecting his personal life, like
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: is he like that's.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: The whole thing. Like I think you have to take
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: take like a what's it called bird's eye. I've had many,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: weirdly many conversations with men about porn. I was like
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: very into this topic. I don't remember when, but maybe
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: like ten years ago it.
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: Was in your porn era it was porn Area.
• 31:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we will because I'm fascinated with like why men
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: like why women are like not or maybe I shouldn't generalize,
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: but that's true. Yeah, I feel like it doesn't do
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: for women what it does for men, Like why, I
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: don't know. I just feel like men just do like
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: it for some reason.
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: Men are much more visual than women.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, whatever. But so what I've gathered is if it's
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: something that is impacting your sex life with your husband,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: then it's definitely something that he needs to take into
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: account and he should, you know, respect your wishes. If
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: it's if he's doing it on the family iPads and
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: the kids can see it or hear it or whatever, like,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: that's also a major problem. If it's something that he's
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: doing that he does from time to time that's not
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: affecting your kids, your sex life, anything like that, it's
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: it's like golfing or something, you know, something that he
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: likes to do or whatever. If you don't like it,
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: you just have to just like everyone's going to have
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: some of those things that you don't like. But I
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: think if it's affecting your kids, your family, and your
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: sex life, then you have to set boundaries and you
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: have to like figure that out.
• 32:53
  Speaker 2: I'm just really I mean, I feel hopeful that y'all
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: are going to therapy because a lot of people if
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: he was like, I'm not going to therapy, I don't
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: need therapy, then I would be like, I don't really
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: know what to say to encourage you. But I do
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: feel like there could be I think him the willingness
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: to go and like have these conversations with a professional
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: I think will be very helpful. And I think you'll
• 33:15
  Speaker 2: also be able to express feelings in a safe setting
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: that maybe you haven't even been able to get through
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: to him about. And I think it'll be good for
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: your relationship in general. But I really, I really feel
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: for you because whether it's porn or alcohol or drugs, like,
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: addiction is a disease, and yeah, it overtakes people, and
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: I think it's I think you're at a point where
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: you're able to.
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: Hopefully and like when someone's off the especially your partner
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: in life, you don't want to just abandon them, you
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: know what I mean.
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you also don't want to be disrespected for
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: the rest of your life. So you have to be
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: able to set that boundary and know that going into
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: therapy that you're doing everything you can and you can't
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: change him, right, you can't. You can't make him stop,
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: And that's the that's the part about control with your
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: partner that's really hard.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: I think therapy really help you understand where he's coming
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: from and help him understand where you're coming from.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: I agree.
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: Yes, Becca, it's time for a break. Can you do
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: the dusty honors?
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: My gosh? Well, we have one more email and then
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: who is most likely to superlative fun at the end
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: of the episode. But we're going to take a break,
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: so we'll be right back. All right, we are back.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: We have one more email from anonymous.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: All right, here we go. An email from anonymous. She says,
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: my friend of almost thirty years cheated on her husband.
• 34:57
  Speaker 3: My husband and I were very much friends with her husband.
• 34:59
  Speaker 3: We've been on trips with them, and back in April
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: of twenty three, my friend cheated on her husband with
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: one of my husband's friends who she met at our house.
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: My husband I knew about the affair and felt complicit
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: because we would continue to see her with her husband
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: and we continue to see her with the other guy.
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: My friend's marriage ended shortly thereafter once she found out
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: she was pregnant with the other man's baby, and now
• 35:20
  Speaker 3: she's divorced. But my friend and a new partner have
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: rewritten the timeline. They act like it wasn't an affair,
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: and their husband knew she wanted a divorce. And I've
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: struggled with this because we socialized with them as a
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: couple during the affair and I was her sounding board
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: during that time. Her new partner jokes about breaking up
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: marriages and getting with married women, which bothers me. He
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: previously cheated on his wife like a decade ago. I
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: don't know if we should stay friends with these people
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: or not be around them at all. When I expressed
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: my guilt to her, she denied the affair and said
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: she thought I was okay with it. I'm questioning how
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: long to stay friends with someone before deciding their relationship
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: is toxic due to differing life values. Should I consider
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: a hard cut off or a soft cut off? Moving forward?
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: So it sounds like decided because I'm.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: Glad you know what you need to do because you're
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: the what's the quote about the company you keep?
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, ships don't sink because there's water.
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: Eat, that's the one.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Ships don't sink because there's water outside their boat. They
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: sink because there's water inside their boat.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Well, no way that goes with this, but that's beautiful. Ye,
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: it does.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Get them out, Get them out of your boat.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Oh, they're they're the water and they're the water.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Get that water out of your boat.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, I was just going to say something about,
• 36:32
  Speaker 2: like the company you keep is a reflection of you
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: and your husband, And I think that the fact that
• 36:41
  Speaker 2: you listen to her talk about the affair and then
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: she feels comfortable enough denying it to your face is
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: a a red flag bigger than let me.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: Tell you she's a narcissist. Yeah, And it's very obvious
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: to me because these people, these narcissists, they will make
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: up these stories in their head and they'll believe them
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: to be true because it pertains to their narrative or
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: what they want, and it's very scary and it's very weird,
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: and I also would just like again, but it's not
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: a blanket statement. I don't think cheaters are bad. I
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: just think cheaters there's a character flaw in there.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: Well, to me, there's there's cheating and having remorse and
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: regret and shame about it. And then I think there's
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: cheating and laughing and bragging about it talking about breaking
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: up there.
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: But that's only part of the story. I'm sure I can.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I feel like very confident in saying that. I'd say
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: like eighty percent of people who cheat have some sort
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: of guilt or shame or remorse.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: I know. I'm saying this guy does not the god
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: she cheated.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that he does. Behind closed doors, he's probably
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: just like making a joke of it, blah blah blah blah,
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: and where she doesn't know him one hundred percent of
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: the time.
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: She said her new partner jokes about breaking up marriages
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: and getting with married women.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: I know, but I'm saying he maybe just does that outwardly,
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: but we don't know what he feels inwardly.
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's his that's the character that he's presenting right,
• 38:03
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying character, you're surrounding yourself.
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: This all is just.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: Bad and I don't like her, I don't like him,
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: and I just feel like you need to distance yourself asap.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: I agree. I think the hard cut off or soft
• 38:17
  Speaker 2: cut off, I think you just have a conversation and
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: say I love you. We've been through so much together,
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: but I've had a really hard time with how you've
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: handled this and and denying the truth that I was
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: a part of during this time of your life and.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: What I appreciate your soft approach, but a narcissist is
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: not going to hear that.
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: Well, they're not going to hear anything, So it doesn't matter.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, what what's going to make her feel good
• 38:39
  Speaker 2: to move forward?
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: Sure?
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: You saying you're saying hard cut off? Just stop?
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, just ignore.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's all bad.
• 38:47
  Speaker 2: I just think we don't know if they're best friends.
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: It kind of seems like they were a couple friends, right,
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: So if she's your best friend, like it was me
• 38:54
  Speaker 2: and you, I think I would have a conversation.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: If it was me and you and you were having
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: an affair on Haley, I would step in before any
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: of this, I'd be like, this is not right.
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, But if I was like I'm not, that's not
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: I'm fine, We're fine.
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about us murder. I'm kidding.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: I'm kidding, But I'm just saying, like, we don't know
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: how close they are, they're like best friends. I think
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: it's warrants a conversation of like, hey, I love you
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: and I don't agree with this, so I don't I
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: don't see this being friends and if it's if it's
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: not that, then yeah, just cut it off.
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I just feel like narcissist are very scary people to
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: deal with, so like trying to have a rational conversation
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: with one is gonna it's gonna send you into a tailspin.
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: So just say yourself, she knows.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: If she's a if she's someone who is receptive to
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: a conversation.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: This is from Jazz. Love the name jazz by the way.
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: I like that jazzmine can become jazz or jazz or
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: men a lot of men's or jazz me.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: Really it's a jazz me jazzy.
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: I mean, I really enjoyed this segment where you didn't
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: know who is most likely to and thought i'd offer
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: some questions from a similar game we play at parties.
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: So here you go, so i'll read the question that
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: we'll do. The three two one is that we did
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: last time? Yeah, the same time.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: Who is most likely to be pulled over for driving
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: too slow? Three two one? Wow? What did you say?
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: So?
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: I said? Becca? Becca said my shocked. I'm very speeds
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: said that because you're always late for stuff.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: That's not because of no, I'm just see you being
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: very rule follower. I give you your follower vibe. I've
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: driven with Tanya.
• 40:38
  Speaker 3: It's so scary and Tanya East both said.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: Tanya, I mean, I'm pretty grandma vibes.
• 40:45
  Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, I get that.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: But she also is like chaotic, so it's it might
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: be slow, but you're moving around.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna use it.
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: One song and that's all she plays for your drives,
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: so's a lot.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: Who is most likely to have a twenty minute conversation
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: with Siri? Three two one time?
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: Just being bored?
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: And I don't even have Siri? Thank you everyone? I
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: disabled mine?
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: Oh wow, and everything iPhone, your iPad, your Apple TV,
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: no serious.
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: SERI wow by Siri?
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: I guess we were wrong on that one. Yeah, whould
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: you say, Mark, why why would I do that?
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: East's too smart.
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: Though I almost said he think he would know how
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: to shut it up because Easton knows how to Like.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: Eastern's curious, so I could see him just asking questions like.
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: Once you first came out, I talked to you for
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: a week.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: There you go.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: That's like he was right.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: Who is most likely to just want to cuddle three
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: two one? I don't know, wow A willing time? Yeah,
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: well that's true, but you also like to go beyond cuddling.
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: You don't want to limit it to cuddling very often?
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: I think, mind just a cuddle?
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: Can I do that? Who was most likely to traple
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: a kid on Black Friday? Three to one.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: Item that you've been eyeing.
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: On sale that was like a post malone circuit.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah you would you.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: I would never do Black Friday. That's scary, all right?
• 42:38
  Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I would hurt someone.
• 42:40
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay. Who is most likely to drive three plus
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: hours in the hopes of hooking up three to one?
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: Wow?
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: Who is most likely to play just one song at
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: every party? Three two one?
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: Who is most likely to be mentally undressing you right now?
• 43:05
  Speaker 3: Three two one? Who most likely you want to be
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: exclusive after just one day? Three too?
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: Who was most likely to Facebook or instagram? Stock? Three two?
• 43:23
  Speaker 2: One time?
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it is so easy. Who is most likely to
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: sit at a stop sign waiting for the turn greene?
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: Three too? One time? That's our show.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: I think Jazz set you up to be targeted like
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: that jazz.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: Are you gonna do me like that? Jazz? Me super food?
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: Come on? Speaking of man, I saw a meme the
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: other day that was like, it was for Love Island
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: and she goes, I wonder what my sims are doing
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: right now, And that's like exactly how I feel about
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: that show. Oh yeah, yeah, it does feel like that.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: Uh yeah, anyway, all right, well you guys would have
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: laughed if you watch AnyWho that's watching.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: It was a tough because I gave you a lat
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: but it was dark. Happy birthday, Tanya the Scrubbers. I
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: know you'll already be wishing her happy birthday, but here's
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: your reminder.
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: We love y'all. Have a great weekend. We'll be back Monday.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Well I don't know Monday, Tuesday.
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: We could Wednesday Friday, all right. We love you so much,
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: love you bye.