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Transcript

What to Do When You Want a New Chapter But Don’t Know Who You Are Anymore · Your Utmost Life

• 0:00
  Misty Celli: You know something needs to change, but you don't even know what page you're on anymore.
• 0:03
  Misty Celli: The life you've built starts to feel unfamiliar, like you're living in a story that used to be yours but no longer fits.
• 0:10
  Misty Celli: And what if that sign you've been waiting for isn't a breakdown or a burning bush, but the quiet restlessness you've been carrying for weeks, have you been whispering to yourself?
• 0:19
  Misty Celli: I know something needs to change, but I don't know what.
• 0:22
  Misty Celli: I don't know who I am.
• 0:23
  Misty Celli: You're at that invisible crossroads where you've given so much of yourself away that you barely recognize what's left.
• 0:33
  Misty Celli: This isn't just mom fatigue, it's not a midlife slump.
• 0:34
  Misty Celli: It's a waking up at 2 am with your heart racing, wondering where is everybody?
• 0:38
  Misty Celli: Are they safe?
• 0:39
  Misty Celli: Did they turn in that paper?
• 0:41
  Misty Celli: And as you lay there, your mind shifts to the day ahead, the to-do list already growing before the sun even rises.
• 0:48
  Misty Celli: You're exhausted, longing for just a little more sleep.
• 0:51
  Misty Celli: But instead you reach for your phone and start scrolling through old photos.
• 0:55
  Misty Celli: You see your kids, those sweet baby faces, and a wave of nostalgia hits.
• 1:00
  Misty Celli: Where did the time go?
• 1:01
  Misty Celli: And then it creeps in.
• 1:03
  Misty Celli: You start to wonder who you'll be now.
• 1:05
  Misty Celli: What will life look like?
• 1:06
  Misty Celli: When exactly did you disappear from your own story.
• 1:09
  Misty Celli: And when did you start to feel so old, so used up?
• 1:13
  Misty Celli: You've tried the self-care solutions, the bubble baths, the girls' nights, the meditation apps, but somehow they leave you feeling even more hollow, you wonder.
• 1:21
  Misty Celli: Maybe I'm just doing it wrong or worse, maybe those things were never meant for women in this season of life?
• 1:27
  Misty Celli: Because, let's be honest, they feel like they're designed for 20-somethings who are burned out from too many brunches and deadlines, not for the woman who's carried a family, a history and the weight of being needed.
• 1:38
  Misty Celli: For so long she forgot how to need herself.
• 1:40
  Misty Celli: Because, deep down, you know this isn't about needing a break from your life.
• 1:44
  Misty Celli: It's about needing to find yourself within it.
• 1:47
  Misty Celli: You're terrified to admit what whispers in the quiet moments that loving your family fiercely and wanting more for yourself can coexist in the same heart.
• 1:56
  Misty Celli: You become fluent in meeting everyone else's needs, while your own voice has gone silent.
• 2:01
  Misty Celli: You move through your days, checking boxes, laundry load one is in, the colors are folded, emails answered, groceries ordered, while carrying the invisible weight of a question you can barely put to words Is this all there is?
• 2:13
  Misty Celli: The day is full, but your soul feels empty.
• 2:16
  Misty Celli: And in those rare moments of stillness, when the house is finally quiet, when you're driving alone, when you catch a reflection and barely recognize the woman looking back, something rises in you, something that feels like grief and possibility.
• 2:29
  Misty Celli: You're not ungrateful for the life you've built.
• 2:32
  Misty Celli: You couldn't imagine having taken a different path.
• 2:35
  Misty Celli: You are so full of love and gratitude, which makes the guilt even more confusing.
• 2:40
  Misty Celli: Maybe the guilt isn't just your heart checking in on itself, or maybe maybe you're just now becoming aware with growing certainty that you were meant to be more than a supporting character in your own story and the guilt.
• 2:52
  Misty Celli: Maybe it's just the fear of talking, because for over 18 years you've pushed yourself aside and now the thought of including you again.
• 3:00
  Misty Celli: Well, it's a little scary.
• 3:02
  Misty Celli: Do you feel invisible, overwhelmed or disconnected from the woman you once were?
• 3:05
  Misty Celli: Beyond your roles as a mom?
• 3:07
  Misty Celli: You're not alone.
• 3:08
  Misty Celli: Many women struggle with maintaining self-worth, finding balance and rediscovering joy while taking care of everyone else.
• 3:14
  Misty Celli: I'm Misty Chelley, founder of your Upmost Life Method, a mom of two and a woman who knows firsthand that identity shifts of motherhood don't have to lead to identity crisis.
• 3:22
  Misty Celli: They can become the gateway to your most authentic, powerful season yet.
• 3:25
  Misty Celli: Welcome to your Upmost Life Podcast.
• 3:28
  Misty Celli: I am so glad you're here, because you're not just a mom.
• 3:30
  Misty Celli: You are a woman with untapped potential, ready to live your utmost life.
• 3:34
  Misty Celli: Today, we're going to challenge one of the most persistent lies that keeps women stuck in that strange limbo between who they were and who they're becoming.
• 3:41
  Misty Celli: This is the belief that you need perfect clarity before you can take the first step toward change.
• 3:46
  Misty Celli: I'll show you why waiting for clarity actually keeps you spinning in confusion, and how taking aligned action, even small steps, creates the clarity you've been craving.
• 3:55
  Misty Celli: I've lived in this limbo myself, that strange space where you know you can't keep going on like this, but you're terrified to move without certainty.
• 4:03
  Misty Celli: I remember lying awake.
• 4:04
  Misty Celli: It was 3 am on a Tuesday and everyone was asleep everyone but me.
• 4:08
  Misty Celli: There I was scrolling through Google, searching for how to find purpose outside of motherhood and feeling more lost with every click.
• 4:15
  Misty Celli: That moment felt like rock bottom, but looking back, I was actually the first tiny spark of my awakening.
• 4:21
  Misty Celli: I was beginning to name the invisible ache.
• 4:24
  Misty Celli: I was acknowledging that something needed to change, even if I didn't know what that change would look like.
• 4:29
  Misty Celli: Maybe you're in that place right now.
• 4:31
  Misty Celli: Perhaps you're thinking I just need to figure out what I want, and then I'll be ready to start.
• 4:36
  Misty Celli: But what if that approach is precisely what's keeping you stuck?
• 4:40
  Misty Celli: If something in you resonates with what I'm saying, I would love for you to screenshot this episode right now and share it in your stories with the phrase clarity isn't a prerequisite, it's a result, and tag me at your utmost self and let's make this our new mantra for moving forward.
• 4:55
  Misty Celli: On the surface, what you're experiencing might feel like simple indecision or confusion.
• 5:00
  Misty Celli: You're craving a new chapter, but you feel stuck because you don't know exactly who you are outside of your roles as a mother, partner, professional daughter and friend.
• 5:07
  Misty Celli: The constant mental loop sounds like I need to figure out who I am and what I want first, and then I can make changes.
• 5:14
  Misty Celli: But let's go deeper Somewhere along the way you adopted the idea that clarity must come before action.
• 5:20
  Misty Celli: This belief says you need to have everything figured out who you are, what you want, where you're going before you can take even the first step.
• 5:28
  Misty Celli: It tells you that you'll waste time, make mistakes or look foolish if you start moving without absolute certainty.
• 5:33
  Misty Celli: This belief is so powerful because it masquerades as wisdom.
• 5:37
  Misty Celli: It feels logical and responsible, like careful planning, but in reality it's a form of perfectionism and a fear in disguise.
• 5:44
  Misty Celli: And here's the real cost.
• 5:46
  Misty Celli: While you wait for perfect clarity to arrive like a lightning bolt of inspiration, your life stays paused.
• 5:52
  Misty Celli: Research from the University of Pennsylvania found that 70% of women in midlife reported feeling stuck for an average of two and a half years before making a change they later described as transformative.
• 6:03
  Misty Celli: That's nearly a thousand days of waiting for permission to begin.
• 6:07
  Misty Celli: So you wait.
• 6:07
  Misty Celli: You wait for a sign, a breakdown or someone else's permission.
• 6:11
  Misty Celli: You keep collecting more information, take more personality tests and reading more self-help books, all while the restlessness grows and your authentic self remains buried beneath the weight.
• 6:22
  Misty Celli: Crush it and you hold it down.
• 6:24
  Misty Celli: You keep living a half-life.
• 6:26
  Misty Celli: According to a 2023 study in the Journal of Women's Health, this state of prolonged limbo actually creates more anxiety and indecision, not less.
• 6:35
  Misty Celli: The longer we wait for clarity before action, the more paralyzed we become.
• 6:40
  Misty Celli: Here's a truth that transformed my own journey Clarity doesn't precede movement.
• 6:44
  Misty Celli: Movement creates clarity.
• 6:46
  Misty Celli: Let me repeat that Clarity does not come before movement.
• 6:50
  Misty Celli: It's movement that creates clarity.
• 6:52
  Misty Celli: Think about it like driving at night your headlights only illuminate the next what?
• 6:57
  Misty Celli: 100 feet of road in front of you.
• 6:58
  Misty Celli: You can't see the entire journey from start to finish, but you can see just enough to keep rolling, and as you move forward, more of the path is revealed.
• 7:07
  Misty Celli: That's exactly where the creation of your utmost life method came from.
• 7:10
  Misty Celli: Not because I had it all figured out, but because I needed a way forward when I didn't know who I was or what I wanted.
• 7:15
  Misty Celli: I needed a path that didn't require perfect clarity Just the curve should take one step, and the trust that movement itself would bring the next piece of revelation, or, at the very least, my next right step.
• 7:28
  Misty Celli: The your utmost life method breaks down into three essential phases that work together to create a path forward.
• 7:33
  Misty Celli: When you feel lost, discovery this isn't about having answers, but simply about becoming aware.
• 7:39
  Misty Celli: You begin by naming where you are right now, without judgment.
• 7:42
  Misty Celli: What feels misaligned?
• 7:44
  Misty Celli: What are you saying yes to, out of obligation rather than desire?
• 7:47
  Misty Celli: What is the small voice inside you trying to say that you've been too busy, too tired or too afraid to hear?
• 7:53
  Misty Celli: The second phase is design.
• 7:55
  Misty Celli: You don't need a full-blown plan, you just need a hazy vision so that you can begin a gentle shift in direction.
• 8:01
  Misty Celli: In this phase, you begin clarifying your core values and begin to imagine a life that aligns with them, even if you can't see every detail yet.
• 8:09
  Misty Celli: And the third phase is do.
• 8:10
  Misty Celli: This is where most women get stuck, because they think they need to be ready before they begin.
• 8:15
  Misty Celli: This is the phase where we're not waiting for readiness.
• 8:18
  Misty Celli: It's about taking small, aligned actions that create momentum and clarity, not waiting until you have it all figured out.
• 8:26
  Misty Celli: Let me share how this played out in my own life.
• 8:29
  Misty Celli: After that night of desperate Googling, I didn't suddenly receive a five-year plan, downloaded from heaven.
• 8:34
  Misty Celli: There was no blueprint.
• 8:35
  Misty Celli: Instead, I made one tiny decision Next time I was in the car running errands, I would turn off the radio so that my mind could have a small moment of silence.
• 8:44
  Misty Celli: Maybe, just maybe, I could hear that small voice inside and spend that time reconnecting with myself.
• 8:50
  Misty Celli: I had no idea what would come from it.
• 8:52
  Misty Celli: I didn't have a grand vision.
• 8:53
  Misty Celli: I just knew I needed space.
• 8:55
  Misty Celli: That was mine.
• 8:55
  Misty Celli: Those silent drives eventually became the foundation of a journal practice which led to rediscovering my appreciation for my own thoughts and inner world.
• 9:04
  Misty Celli: That time in silence sparked the idea of your utmost self.
• 9:07
  Misty Celli: I realized I wasn't the only woman who felt like I was and, as Google hadn't helped me, maybe, just maybe I could be the voice that let another mom know she wasn't alone.
• 9:17
  Misty Celli: This in turn led from one simple idea to ultimately becoming this podcast, and then the entire, your utmost life movement.
• 9:24
  Misty Celli: But none of this was visible to me when I made that first small decision.
• 9:28
  Misty Celli: I couldn't see the entire path.
• 9:30
  Misty Celli: I could only see the next step, and each step I took revealed the one after that.
• 9:34
  Misty Celli: I used to think I had to find myself before I could make changes, but the truth is, every step I took toward the life I wanted helped reveal the woman I was becoming.
• 9:44
  Misty Celli: She was part of me all along, woven into my DNA.
• 9:47
  Misty Celli: Part of her became from the experiences that I had in my youth, part from the lessons I learned over decades of being a mom and a wife, and part from the woman I'm still becoming.
• 9:57
  Misty Celli: You don't get clarity and stillness alone.
• 9:59
  Misty Celli: You find it in motion.
• 10:00
  Misty Celli: Studies in neuropsychology confirm this approach.
• 10:03
  Misty Celli: Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that taking action actually changes our brain chemistry, activating neural pathways that cannot be accessed through thought alone.
• 10:14
  Misty Celli: Dr Marge Worrell, a leadership expert, calls this the courage paradox the recognition that courage doesn't come from feeling confident, but rather confidence comes from taking courageous action.
• 10:25
  Misty Celli: In other words, the feelings we're waiting for are actually generated by the very actions we're hesitant to take.
• 10:31
  Misty Celli: A Harvard doctor found that most successful transitions don't start with perfect clarity, but rather with what he calls hunch following making small moves based on what feels intuitively right, then adjusting course based on the feedback those actions generate.
• 10:45
  Misty Celli: What if that nagging feeling was actually a sign urging you to take action and step into the unknown?
• 10:50
  Misty Celli: What if it was an invitation to embrace the journey rather than waiting for the perfect time or complete understanding?
• 10:57
  Misty Celli: Imagine what would happen if, instead of waiting for permission, you gave it to yourself.
• 11:01
  Misty Celli: What if you trusted that the path would unfold, not before you started walking, but because you started walking?
• 11:05
  Misty Celli: But maybe you're asking how?
• 11:05
  Misty Celli: Because you started walking?
• 11:06
  Misty Celli: But maybe you're asking how do I know if I'm unclear or just afraid of making a mistake?
• 11:11
  Misty Celli: This is a great question.
• 11:13
  Misty Celli: Clarity blocks usually feel foggy, like confusion, but fear of mistakes feel sharp and anxious.
• 11:19
  Misty Celli: It often sounds like what if I mess up?
• 11:21
  Misty Celli: What if I disrupt everything?
• 11:23
  Misty Celli: If you look deeper, many times it's not that you don't know, it's that you're afraid to trust what you already sense.
• 11:29
  Misty Celli: So ask yourself am I truly unclear.
• 11:31
  Misty Celli: Or am I afraid of what clarity might require from me?
• 11:34
  Misty Celli: Because sometimes the truth is we're already have a flicker of clarity.
• 11:38
  Misty Celli: We just don't want it.
• 11:39
  Misty Celli: Because it is asking something of us.
• 11:41
  Misty Celli: It asks us to be honest, to admit what's no longer working, to risk disappointing someone, to choose ourselves, even if only in small ways, and that's vulnerable.
• 11:50
  Misty Celli: But that's also where the shift begins.
• 11:52
  Misty Celli: Clarity doesn't come all at once.
• 11:54
  Misty Celli: It arrives in layers, through small, honest steps that begin to reveal what you've already known deep down.
• 11:59
  Misty Celli: So what do you actually do next?
• 12:00
  Misty Celli: Start with one question what's one area of your life that feels out of alignment with who you're becoming?
• 12:06
  Misty Celli: Journal a possibility, describe what it looks like if you shift to that area without pressure to figure it all out.
• 12:12
  Misty Celli: Choose one aligned step, say no, take the walk.
• 12:16
  Misty Celli: Block 30 minutes for silence, one brave move.
• 12:19
  Misty Celli: Aligned action can be subtle.
• 12:21
  Misty Celli: It looks like wearing the outfit that feels like you, saying no without guilt or explanation, sitting quietly with your coffee before the day begins, or taking the scenic route because beauty nourishes you, decluttering a drawer because it feels like a metaphor, or driving in silence and letting your inner voice speak to you.
• 12:38
  Misty Celli: These are not luxuries, they're declarations.
• 12:40
  Misty Celli: They whisper to your nervous system, I matter.
• 12:43
  Misty Celli: Those who finally stopped waiting for perfect clarity often describe the same feeling, not that they suddenly have all the answers, but that they're finally asking the right questions.
• 12:52
  Misty Celli: They speak of a profound sense of groundedness, as though they are reconnecting with a long-lost friend, even as they're still discovering who that truly is.
• 13:01
  Misty Celli: Mary Oliver, the Pulitzer Prize winning American poet, asks in her beloved poem the Summer Day.
• 13:07
  Misty Celli: She says tell me, what is it that you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?
• 13:15
  Misty Celli: She doesn't say tell me what you've figured out.
• 13:16
  Misty Celli: It's not about certainty, it's about doing the living, the moving forward.
• 13:19
  Misty Celli: There's a special kind of living, a full life that begins when you stop requiring yourself to have it all figured out before you begin.
• 13:25
  Misty Celli: It's the difference between sitting in the car with it in park, waiting for perfect direction, and putting the car in gear, trusting that you will be capable of choosing the turns when you need them, as they appear.
• 13:35
  Misty Celli: You won't find true fulfillment in plotting every move in advance.
• 13:39
  Misty Celli: You find it by showing up, mile by mile, moment by moment, because the richest kind of life isn't mapped out in certainty.
• 13:46
  Misty Celli: It's discovered in motion, the scenic routes you didn't plan to take, the spontaneous pit stops, the moments for a great photo, the laughter over a roadside picnic, the creek you didn't expect to find but pulled over to enjoy anyway.
• 14:00
  Misty Celli: It's those beautiful unplanned moments that life offers us when we finally stop trying to control the journey and start being present for it.
• 14:08
  Misty Celli: So where do you start when you don't know where to start, with awareness, not answers.
• 14:13
  Misty Celli: That's why I created the your Upmost Life Alignment Check-In a quick, powerful tool to help you identify where you are and what your next step might be.
• 14:21
  Misty Celli: This isn't about having a five-year plan.
• 14:23
  Misty Celli: It's about identifying what feels misaligned right now and taking one small step toward greater alignment.
• 14:29
  Misty Celli: You can download it for free at youramoselfcom forward slash alignment check-in.
• 14:34
  Misty Celli: As we wrap up, I want to leave you with one question what's one thing you've been waiting to do until you have it all figured out, and what might happen if you shift it from?
• 14:43
  Misty Celli: Stop waiting for perfect clarity and instead took one small step today?
• 14:48
  Misty Celli: Remember the woman who moved beyond the invisibility of motherhood into lives of meaning and purpose?
• 14:53
  Misty Celli: Aren't the ones who've never felt confused or uncertain?
• 14:56
  Misty Celli: They're the ones who learned to move forward alongside their uncertainty, trusting that clarity would emerge from action, not before it.
• 15:03
  Misty Celli: Before you go, three ways to take your next steps.
• 15:05
  Misty Celli: One, download the utmost life alignment check-in at your utmost selfcom forward slash alignment check-in.
• 15:12
  Misty Celli: Second, leave a review.
• 15:14
  Misty Celli: Your words help this message reach the women who need it most.
• 15:17
  Misty Celli: And third, share this episode in your stories and tag me at your utmost self with your biggest takeaway.
• 15:22
  Misty Celli: Remember, you weren't meant to sit in limbo waiting for perfect clarity.
• 15:25
  Misty Celli: You were meant to rise, one small brave step at a time, until next time.
• 15:29
  Misty Celli: I'm Misty Chili and this is the your Upmost Life Podcast.