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The First Men in the Moon Chapter 20 - Mr. Bedford in Infinite Space · The H. G. Wells Library

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  Speaker 1: Chapter twenty of The First Men in the Moon. This
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  Speaker 1: is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the
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  Speaker 1: public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit
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  Speaker 1: LibriVox dot org. This recording is by Mark Smith of Simpsonville,
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  Speaker 1: South Carolina. The First Men in the Moon by H. G. Wells,
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  Speaker 1: Chapter twenty. Mister Bedford, in infinite space. It was almost
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  Speaker 1: as though I had been killed. Indeed, I could imagine
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  Speaker 1: a man suddenly and violently killed would feel very much
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  Speaker 1: as I did. One moment, a passion of agonizing existence
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  Speaker 1: in fear. The next darkness and stillness, neither light nor life,
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  Speaker 1: nor sun, moon nor stars, the blank infinite. Although the
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  Speaker 1: thing was done by my own act, as though I
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  Speaker 1: had already tasted this very effect in cavorous company. I
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  Speaker 1: felt astonished, dumbfounded, and overwhelmed. I seemed to be borne
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  Speaker 1: upward into an enormous darkness. My fingers floated off the studs.
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  Speaker 1: I hung as if I were annihilated. And at last,
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  Speaker 1: very softly and gently, I came against the bail and
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  Speaker 1: the golden chain and the crowbars that had drifted to
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  Speaker 1: the middle of the sphere. I did not know how
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  Speaker 1: long that drifting took in the sphere, of course, even
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  Speaker 1: more than on the moon, one's earthly time sense was ineffectual.
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  Speaker 1: At the touch of the bail, it was as if
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  Speaker 1: I had awakened from a dreamless sleep. I immediately perceived
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  Speaker 1: that if I wanted to keep awake and alive, I
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  Speaker 1: must get a light or open a window so as
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  Speaker 1: to get a grip of something with my eyes. And
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  Speaker 1: besides I was cold. I kicked off from the bail,
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  Speaker 1: therefore clawed on to the thin cords within the glass,
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  Speaker 1: crawled along until I got to the manhole rim, and
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  Speaker 1: so got my bearings for the light and blind studs.
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  Speaker 1: Took a shove off, and flying once round the bail,
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  Speaker 1: and getting a scare from something big and flimsy that
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  Speaker 1: was drifting loose, I got my hand on the cord
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  Speaker 1: quite close to the studs and reached them. I lit
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  Speaker 1: the little lamp first of all to see what it
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  Speaker 1: was I had collided with, and discovered that old copy
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  Speaker 1: of Lloyd's News had slipped its moorings and was adrift
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  Speaker 1: in the void. That brought me out of the infinite
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  Speaker 1: to my own proper dimensions again. It made me laugh
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  Speaker 1: and pant for a time and suggested the idea of
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  Speaker 1: a little oxygen from one of the cylinders. After that,
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  Speaker 1: I lit the heater until I felt warm, and then
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  Speaker 1: I took food. Then I set to work in a
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  Speaker 1: very gingerly fashion on the cavaright blinds, to see if
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  Speaker 1: I could guess by any means how the sphere was traveling.
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  Speaker 1: The first blind I opened, I shut it once and
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  Speaker 1: hung for a time, flattened and blinded by the sunlight
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  Speaker 1: that had hit me. After thinking a little, I started
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  Speaker 1: upon the windows at right angles to this one, and
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  Speaker 1: got the huge crescent Moon and the little crescent Earth
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  Speaker 1: behind it. The second time, I was amazed to find
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  Speaker 1: how far I was from the Moon. I had reckoned
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  Speaker 1: that not only should I have little or none of
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  Speaker 1: the kickoff that the Earth's atmosphere had given us at
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  Speaker 1: our start, but that the tangential fly off of the
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  Speaker 1: Moon's spin would be at least twenty eight times less
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  Speaker 1: than the Earth's. I had expected to discover myself hanging
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  Speaker 1: over our crater and on the edge of the night,
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  Speaker 1: But all that was now only a part of the
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  Speaker 1: outline of the white crescent that filled the sky and
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  Speaker 1: cavore he was already infinitesimal. I tried to imagine what
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  Speaker 1: could have happened to him, but at that time I
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  Speaker 1: could think of nothing but death. I seemed to see
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  Speaker 1: him bent and smashed at the foot of some interminably
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  Speaker 1: high cascade of blue, and all about him, these stupid
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  Speaker 1: insects stared under the inspiring touch of the drifting newspaper.
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  Speaker 1: I became practical again. For a while. It was quite
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  Speaker 1: clear to me that what I had to do was
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  Speaker 1: to get back to Earth. But as far as I
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  Speaker 1: could see, I was drifting away from it. Whatever had
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  Speaker 1: happened to Cavor, even if he was still alive, which
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  Speaker 1: seemed to me incredible after that blood stained scrap, I
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  Speaker 1: was powerless to help him. There he was living or dead,
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  Speaker 1: behind the mantle of that rayless night, and there he
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  Speaker 1: must remain, at least until I could summon our fellow
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  Speaker 1: men to his assistance. Should I do that, something of
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  Speaker 1: the sort I had in my mind to come back
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  Speaker 1: to Earth, if it were possible, And then, as mature
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  Speaker 1: consideration might determine, either to show and explain the sphere
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  Speaker 1: to a few discreet persons and act with them, or
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  Speaker 1: else to keep my secret sell my gold, obtain weapons,
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  Speaker 1: provisions and an assistant, and return with these advantages to
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  Speaker 1: deal on equal terms with the flimsy people of the Moon,
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  Speaker 1: to rescue Cavore, if that were still possible, and at
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  Speaker 1: any rate, to procure a sufficient supply of gold to
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  Speaker 1: place my subsequent proceedings on a firmer basis. But that
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  Speaker 1: was hoping far. I had first to get back. I
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  Speaker 1: set myself to decide just exactly how the returned Earth
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  Speaker 1: could be contrived. As I struggled with that problem, I
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  Speaker 1: ceased to worry about what I should do when I
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  Speaker 1: got there. At last, my only care was to get back.
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  Speaker 1: I puzzled out at last that my best chance would
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  Speaker 1: be to drop back towards the Moon as near as
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  Speaker 1: I dared, in order to gather velocity, then to shut
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  Speaker 1: my windows and fly behind it, and when I was passed,
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  Speaker 1: to open my earthward windows and so get off at
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  Speaker 1: a good pace homeward. But whether I should ever reach
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  Speaker 1: the Earth by that device, or whether I might not
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  Speaker 1: simply find myself spinning about it in some hyperbolic or
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  Speaker 1: parabolic curve or other, I could not tell. Later I
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  Speaker 1: had a happy inspiration, and by opening certain windows to
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  Speaker 1: the Moon, which had appeared in the sky in front
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  Speaker 1: of the Earth. I turned my course aside so as
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  Speaker 1: to head off the Earth, which it had become evident
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  Speaker 1: to me I must pass behind without some such expedient.
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  Speaker 1: I did a very great deal of complicated thinking over
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  Speaker 1: these problems, for I am no mathematician, and in the
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  Speaker 1: end I am certain it was much more my good
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  Speaker 1: luck than my reasoning that enabled me to hit the Earth.
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  Speaker 1: Had I known then as I know now the mathematical
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  Speaker 1: chances there were against me, I doubt if I should
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  Speaker 1: have troubled even to touch the studs to make any attempt.
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  Speaker 1: And having puzzled out what I considered to be the
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  Speaker 1: thing to do, I opened all my moonward windows and
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  Speaker 1: squatted down. The effort lifted me for a time some
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  Speaker 1: feet or so into the air, and I hung there
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  Speaker 1: in the oddest way, and waiting for the crescent to
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  Speaker 1: get bigger and bigger, until I felt I was near
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  Speaker 1: enough for safety. Then I would shut the windows, fly
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  Speaker 1: past the Moon with a velocity I had got from
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  Speaker 1: it if I did not smash upon it, and so
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  Speaker 1: go on towards the Earth. And that is what I did.
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  Speaker 1: At last, I felt my moonward start was sufficient, I
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  Speaker 1: shut out the side of the Moon from my eyes, and,
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  Speaker 1: in a state of mind that was I now recall,
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  Speaker 1: incredibly free from anxiety or any distressful quality, I sat
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  Speaker 1: down to begin a vigil in that little speck of
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  Speaker 1: matter in infinite space that would last until I should
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  Speaker 1: strike the Earth. The heater had made this fear tolerably warm,
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  Speaker 1: and the air had been refreshed by the oxygen, And
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  Speaker 1: except for that faint congestion of the head that was
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  Speaker 1: always with me while I was away from the Earth,
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  Speaker 1: I felt entire physical comfort. I had extinguished the light
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  Speaker 1: again lest it should fail me. In the end, I
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  Speaker 1: was in darkness save for the earth shine and the
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  Speaker 1: glitter of the stars below me. Everything was so absolutely
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  Speaker 1: silent and still that I might indeed have been the
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  Speaker 1: only being in the universe. And yet, strangely enough, I
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  Speaker 1: had no more feeling of loneliness or fear than if
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  Speaker 1: I had been lying in bed on Earth. Now this
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  Speaker 1: seems all the stranger to me, since during my last
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  Speaker 1: hours in that crater of the moon, the sense of
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  Speaker 1: my utter loneliness had been in agony. Incredible as it
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  Speaker 1: will seem, this interval of time that I spent in
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  Speaker 1: space has no sort of proportion to any other interval
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  Speaker 1: of time in my life. Sometimes it seemed as though
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  Speaker 1: I sat through immeasurable eternities like some god upon a
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  Speaker 1: lotus leaf, and again as though there was a momentary
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  Speaker 1: pause as I leaped from moon to Earth. In truth,
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  Speaker 1: it was altogether some weeks of earthly time, but I
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  Speaker 1: had done with care and anxiety, hunger or fear for
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  Speaker 1: that space. I floated, thinking with a strange breadth and
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  Speaker 1: freedom of all that we had undergone, and of all
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  Speaker 1: my life and motives and the secret issues of my being.
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  Speaker 1: I seemed to myself to have grown greater and greater,
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  Speaker 1: to have lost all sense of movement, to be floating
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  Speaker 1: amidst the and always the sense of Earth's littleness, and
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  Speaker 1: the infinite littleness of my life upon it was implicit
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  Speaker 1: in my thoughts. I can't profess to explain the things
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  Speaker 1: that happened in my mind, No doubt they could all
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  Speaker 1: be traced directly or indirectly to the curious physical conditions
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  Speaker 1: under which I was living. I set them down here
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  Speaker 1: just for what they are worth, and without any comment.
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  Speaker 1: The most prominent quality of it was a pervading doubt
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  Speaker 1: of my own identity. I became, if I may so
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  Speaker 1: express it, dissociate from Bedford. I looked down on Bedford
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  Speaker 1: as a trivial, incidental thing with which I chanced to
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  Speaker 1: be connected. I saw Bedford in many relations as an
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  Speaker 1: ass or as a poor beast. Where I had hitherto
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  Speaker 1: been inclined to regard him with a quiet pride, as
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  Speaker 1: a very spirited, or rather forcible person, I saw him
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  Speaker 1: not only as an ass but as the sun of
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  Speaker 1: many generations of asses. I reviewed his school days, and
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  Speaker 1: his early manhood, and his first encounter with love, very
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  Speaker 1: much as one might review the proceedings of an ant
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  Speaker 1: in the sand. Something of that period of lucidity I
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  Speaker 1: regret still hangs about me, and I doubt if I
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  Speaker 1: shall ever recover the full bodied self satisfaction of my
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  Speaker 1: early days. But at the time the thing was not
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  Speaker 1: in the least painful, because I had that extraordinary persuasion that,
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  Speaker 1: as a matter of fact, I was no more Bedford
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  Speaker 1: than I was any one else, but only a mind
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  Speaker 1: floating in the still serenity of space. Why should I
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  Speaker 1: be disturbed about this Bedford's shortcomings? I was not responsible
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  Speaker 1: for him or them. For a time I struggled against
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  Speaker 1: this really, very grotesque delusion. I tried to summon the
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  Speaker 1: memory of vivid moments of tender or intense emotions to
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  Speaker 1: my assistance. I felt that if I could recall one
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  Speaker 1: genuine twinge of feeling, the growing severance would be stopped.
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  Speaker 1: But I could not do it. I saw Bedford rushing
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  Speaker 1: down Chancery Lane, hat on the back of his head coat,
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  Speaker 1: tails flying out en root for his public examination. I
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  Speaker 1: saw him dodging and bumping against and even saluting other
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  Speaker 1: similar little creatures in that swarming gutter of people. Me.
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  Speaker 1: I saw Bedford that same evening in the sitting room
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  Speaker 1: of a certain lady, and his hat was on the
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  Speaker 1: table beside him, and it wanted brushing badly, and he
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  Speaker 1: was in tears. Me I saw him with that lady,
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  Speaker 1: in various attitudes and emotions. I never felt so detached before.
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  Speaker 1: I saw him hurrying off to Lempny to write a play,
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  Speaker 1: and accosting Cavour, and in his shirt sleeves working at
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  Speaker 1: the sphere, and walking out to Canterbury because he was
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  Speaker 1: afraid to come me. I did not believe it. I
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  Speaker 1: still reasoned that all this was hallucination. Due to my
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  Speaker 1: solitude and the fact that I had lost all weight
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  Speaker 1: and sense of resistance, I endeavored to recover that sense
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  Speaker 1: by banging myself about the sphere, by pinching my hands
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  Speaker 1: and clasping them together, among other things. I lit the light,
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  Speaker 1: captured that torn copy of Lloyd's and read those convincingly
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  Speaker 1: realistic advertisements about the cutaway bicycle and the gentlemen of
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  Speaker 1: private means and the lady in distress who was selling
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  Speaker 1: those forks and spoons. There was no doubt they existed
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  Speaker 1: surely enough, and said I this is your world, and
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  Speaker 1: you are Bedford, and you were going back to live
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  Speaker 1: among things like that for all the rest of your life.
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  Speaker 1: But the doubts within me could still argue, it is
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  Speaker 1: not you that is reading. It is Bedford. But you
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  Speaker 1: are not Bedford. You know, That's just where the mistake
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  Speaker 1: comes in. Confound it, I cried, And if I am
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  Speaker 1: not Bedford, what am I? But in that direction no
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  Speaker 1: light was forthcoming. Though the strangest fancies came drifting into
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  Speaker 1: my brain, queer remote suspicions, like shadows seen from far away.
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  Speaker 1: Do you know? I had a sort of idea that
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  Speaker 1: really I was something quite outside, not only the world,
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  Speaker 1: but all worlds and out of space and time, and
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  Speaker 1: that this poor Bedford was just a peephole through which
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  Speaker 1: I looked at life. Bedford, however I disavowed him, there
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  Speaker 1: I was most certainly with him, and I knew that
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  Speaker 1: wherever or whatever I might be, I must needs feel
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  Speaker 1: the stress of his desires and sympathize with all his
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  Speaker 1: joys and sorrows until his life should end, And with
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  Speaker 1: the dying of Bedford. What, then, enough of this remarkable
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  Speaker 1: phase of my experiences. I tell it here simply to
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  Speaker 1: show how one's isolation and departure from this planet touched
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  Speaker 1: not only the functions and feeling of every organ of
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  Speaker 1: the body, but indeed also the very fabric of the mind,
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  Speaker 1: with strange and unanticipated disturbances. All through the major portion
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  Speaker 1: of that vast space journey, I hung thinking of such
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  Speaker 1: immaterial things as these hung, dissociated and apathetic, a cloudy megalomaniac,
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  Speaker 1: as it were, amidst the stars and planets and the
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  Speaker 1: void of space, and not only the world to which
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  Speaker 1: I was returning, but the blue tu lick caverns of
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  Speaker 1: the Selenites, their helmet faces, their gigantic and wonderful machines,
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  Speaker 1: and the fate of Cavor, dragged helpless into that world
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  Speaker 1: seemed infinitely minute and altogether trivial things to me, until
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  Speaker 1: at last I began to feel the pull of the
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  Speaker 1: earth upon my being, drawing me back again to the
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  Speaker 1: life that is real for men. And then, indeed it
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  Speaker 1: grew clearer and clearer to me that I was quite
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  Speaker 1: certainly Bedford after all, and returning after amazing adventures to
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  Speaker 1: this world of ours, and with a life that I
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  Speaker 1: was very likely to lose. In this return, I set
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  Speaker 1: myself to puzzle out the conditions under which I must
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  Speaker 1: fall to Earth. End of chapter