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08 - Unnatural Death by Dorothy L. Sayers · Unnatural Death

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  Speaker 1: Chapter eight of Unnatural Death by Dorothy Sayers. This LibriVox
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  Speaker 1: recording is in the public domain. Concerning crime, society is
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  Speaker 1: at the mercy of a murderer who is remorseless, who
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  Speaker 1: takes no accomplices, and who keeps his head. Edmund Pearson
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  Speaker 1: Murder at Smuttynose. Letter from Miss Alexandra Catherine Clemson to
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  Speaker 1: Lord Peter Whimsey, Fairview, Nelson Avenue, Leehampton, twelve May nineteen
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  Speaker 1: twenty seven. My dear Lord Peter, I have not yet
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  Speaker 1: been able to get all the information you ask for,
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  Speaker 1: as Miss Whittaker has been away for some weeks inspecting
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  Speaker 1: chicken farms width of you to purchase on nine, of course,
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  Speaker 1: and not in a sanitary capacity. I really think she
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  Speaker 1: means to set up farming with Miss Findlater. Though what
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  Speaker 1: Miss Whittaker can see in that very gushing and really
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  Speaker 1: silly young woman I cannot think. However, Miss Findlater has
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  Speaker 1: evidently quite a pash, as we used to call it
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  Speaker 1: at school for Miss Whittaker, and I am afraid none
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  Speaker 1: of us are being flattered by such outspoken admiration. I
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  Speaker 1: must say I think it rather unhealthy. You may remember
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  Speaker 1: Miss Clement Dane's very clever book on the subject. I
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  Speaker 1: have seen so much of that kind of thing in
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  Speaker 1: my rather woman ridden existence. It has such a bad
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  Speaker 1: effect as a rule, upon the weaker character of the two.
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  Speaker 1: But I must not take up your time with my twaddle.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Murgatroyd, who was quite a friend of old Miss Johnson, however,
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  Speaker 1: has been able to tell me a little about her
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  Speaker 1: past life. It seems that until five years ago Miss
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  Speaker 1: Dawson lived in Warwickshire with her cousin, a Miss Clara Whittaker,
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  Speaker 1: Mary Whittaker's great aunt on the father's side. This Miss
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  Speaker 1: Clara was evidently rather a character, as my dear father
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  Speaker 1: used to call it. In her day, she was considered
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  Speaker 1: very advanced and not quite nice, because she refused several
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  Speaker 1: good offers, cut her hair short, and set up in
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  Speaker 1: business for herself as a horse breeder. Of course, nowadays
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  Speaker 1: nobody would think anything of it, But then the old lady,
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  Speaker 1: or young lady, as she was when she embarked on
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  Speaker 1: this revolutionary proceeding, was quite a pioneer. Agatha Dawson was
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  Speaker 1: a schoolfellow of hers and deeply attached to her, and
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  Speaker 1: as a result of this friendship. Agatha's sister Harriet, married
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  Speaker 1: Clara Whittaker's brother James, but Agatha did not care about
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  Speaker 1: marriage anymore than Clara, and the two ladies lived together
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  Speaker 1: in a big old house with immense staples in a
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  Speaker 1: village in Warwickshire, Crofton I think the name was. Clara
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  Speaker 1: Whittaker turned out to be a remarkably good business woman
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  Speaker 1: and worked up a big connection among the hunting folk
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  Speaker 1: in those parts. Her hunters became quite famous, and from
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  Speaker 1: a capital of a few thousand pounds with which she started,
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  Speaker 1: she made quite a fortune and was a very very
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  Speaker 1: rich woman before her death. Agatha Dawson never had anything
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  Speaker 1: to do with the horsey part of the business. She
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  Speaker 1: was the domestic partner and looked after the house and
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  Speaker 1: the servants. When Clara Whittaker died, she left all her
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  Speaker 1: money to Agatha, passing over her own family, with whom
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  Speaker 1: she was not on very good terms owing to the
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  Speaker 1: narrow minded attitude they had taken up about her horse stealing.
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  Speaker 1: Her nephew, Charles Whittaker, who was a clergyman and the
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  Speaker 1: father of our Miss Whittaker, resented very much not getting
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  Speaker 1: the money, though, as he had kept up the feud
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  Speaker 1: in a very unchristian manner. He had really no right
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  Speaker 1: to complain, especially as Clara had built up her fortune
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  Speaker 1: entirely by her own exertions. But of course he inherited
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  Speaker 1: the bad old fashioned idea that women ought not to
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  Speaker 1: be their own mistresses, or make money for themselves, or
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  Speaker 1: do what they liked with their own He and his
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  Speaker 1: family were the only surviving Whittaker relations, and when he
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  Speaker 1: and his wife were killed in a motor accident, Miss
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  Speaker 1: Dawson asked Mary to leave her work as a nurse
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  Speaker 1: and make her home with her. So that you see,
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  Speaker 1: Clara Whittaker's money was destined to come back to James
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  Speaker 1: Whittaker's daughter. In the end, Miss Dawson made it quite
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  Speaker 1: clear that this was her intention, provided Mary would come
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  Speaker 1: and cheer the declining days of a lonely old lady.
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  Speaker 1: Mary accepted, and as her aunt, or to speak more exactly,
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  Speaker 1: her great aunt, had given up the bigger old Warwishire house.
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  Speaker 1: After Clara's death, they lived in London for a short
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  Speaker 1: time and then moved to Leehampton. As you know, poor
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  Speaker 1: old miss Dawson was then already suffering from the terrible
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  Speaker 1: disease of which she died, so that Mary did not
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  Speaker 1: have to wait very long for Clara Whittaker's money. I
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  Speaker 1: hope this information will be of some use to you.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Murgatroyd did not, of course know anything about the
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  Speaker 1: rest of the family, but she always understood that there
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  Speaker 1: were no other surviving relatives, either on the Whittaker or
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  Speaker 1: the Dawson side. When Miss Whittaker returns, I hope to
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  Speaker 1: see more of her. I enclose my account for expenses
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  Speaker 1: up to date. I do trust you will not consider
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  Speaker 1: it extravagant. How are your money lenders progressing? I was
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  Speaker 1: sorry not to see more of those poor women whose
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  Speaker 1: cases I investigated. Their stories were so pathetic. I am
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  Speaker 1: very sincerely yours, Alexandra K. Clemson p s. I forgot
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  Speaker 1: to say that Miss Whittaker has a little motor car.
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  Speaker 1: I do, not, of course know anything about these matters,
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  Speaker 1: but missus Budge's maid tells me that Miss Whittaker's maid
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  Speaker 1: says it is an Austen seven. Is this right? It
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  Speaker 1: is gray and the number is x X nine nine
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  Speaker 1: one seven. Mister Parker was announced just as Lord Peter
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  Speaker 1: finished reading this document and sank rather wearily into a
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  Speaker 1: corner of the Chesterfield. What luck, inquired his lordship, tossing
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  Speaker 1: the letter over to him. Do you know, I'm beginning
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  Speaker 1: to think you were right about the Bertha go to
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  Speaker 1: bed business, and I'm rather relieved. I don't believe one
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  Speaker 1: word of missus Forrest's story for reasons of my own,
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  Speaker 1: and I'm now hoping that the wiping out of Bertha
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  Speaker 1: was a pure coincidence and nothing to do with my advertisement?
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  Speaker 1: Are you, said Parker, bitterly, helping himself to whiskey and soda. Well,
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  Speaker 1: I hope you'll be cheered to learn that the analysis
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  Speaker 1: of the body has been made and that there is
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  Speaker 1: not the slightest sign of foul play. There is no
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  Speaker 1: trace of violence or of poisoning. There was a heart
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  Speaker 1: weakness of fairly long standing, and the verdict is syncope
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  Speaker 1: after a heavy meal. That doesn't worry me, said Whimsy.
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  Speaker 1: We've suggested shock. You know, amiable gentlemen met at flat
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  Speaker 1: of friendly lady suddenly turns funny after dinner and makes
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  Speaker 1: undesirable overtures. Virtuous young woman is horribly shocked. Weak heart
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  Speaker 1: gives way collapse exit. Agitation of amiable gentlemen and friendly
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  Speaker 1: lady left with corpse on their hands, happy thought, motor
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  Speaker 1: car epping forest eggs. O this singing and washing their hands,
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  Speaker 1: where's the difficulty? Proving it is the difficulty, that's all.
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  Speaker 1: By the way, there were no finger marks on the bottle,
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  Speaker 1: only smears gloves, I suppose, which looks like camouflage. Anyhow,
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  Speaker 1: an ordinary picnicking couple wouldn't put on gloves to handle
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  Speaker 1: a bottle of bass. I know, but we can't arrest
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  Speaker 1: all the people who wear gloves. I weep for you,
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  Speaker 1: the walrus said. I deeply sympathize. I see the difficulty,
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  Speaker 1: but it's early days yet. How about those injections perfectly?
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  Speaker 1: O K. We've interrogated the chemist and interviewed the doctor.
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  Speaker 1: Missus Forrest suffers from violent neuralgic pains, and the injections
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  Speaker 1: were duly prescribed. Nothing wrong there, and no history of
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  Speaker 1: doping or anything. The prescription is a very mild one
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  Speaker 1: and couldn't possibly be fatal to anybody. Besides, haven't I
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  Speaker 1: told you there was no trace of morphia or any
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  Speaker 1: other kind of poison in the body. Oh well, said Whimsy.
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  Speaker 1: He sat for a few minutes, looking thoughtfully at the fire.
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  Speaker 1: I see the case has more or less died out
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  Speaker 1: of the papers. He resumed suddenly. Yes, the analysis has
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  Speaker 1: been to them, and there will be a paragraph tomorrow
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  Speaker 1: and a verdict of natural death, and that will be
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  Speaker 1: the end of it. Good. The less fuss there is
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  Speaker 1: about it, the better. Has anything been heard of the
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  Speaker 1: sister in Canada? Oh? I forgot? Yes, we had a
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  Speaker 1: cable three days ago. She's coming over? Is she? By jove?
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  Speaker 1: What boat? The Star of Quebec due next Friday? Hmmm,
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  Speaker 1: we'll have to get hold of her. Are you meeting
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  Speaker 1: the boat? Good? Heavens? No, why should I? I think
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  Speaker 1: someone ought to. I'm reassured, but not altogether happy. I
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  Speaker 1: think i'll go myself if you don't mind. I want
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  Speaker 1: to get that Dawson story, and this time I want
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  Speaker 1: to make sure the young woman doesn't have a heart
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  Speaker 1: attack before I interview her. I really think you're exaggerating, Peter.
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  Speaker 1: Better safe than sorry, said his lordship. Have another peg,
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  Speaker 1: won't you? Meanwhile, what do you think of miss Clempson latest?
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  Speaker 1: I don't see much in it. No, it's a bit confusing,
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  Speaker 1: but it all seems quite straightforward. Yes. The only thing
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  Speaker 1: we know now is that Mary Whittaker's father was annoyed
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  Speaker 1: about Miss Dawson's getting his aunt's money and thought it
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  Speaker 1: ought to come to him. Well, you don't suspect him
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  Speaker 1: of having murdered Miss Dawson, do you. He died before
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  Speaker 1: her and the daughter's got the money anyhow, Yes, I know.
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  Speaker 1: But suppose Miss Dawson had changed her mind. She might
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  Speaker 1: have quarreled with Mary Whittaker and wanted to leave her
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  Speaker 1: money elsewhere, oh I see, and been put out of
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  Speaker 1: the way before she could make a will. Isn't it possible? Yes, certainly,
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  Speaker 1: except that all the evidence we have goes to show
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  Speaker 1: that will making was about the last job anybody could
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  Speaker 1: persuade her to do. True, while she was on good
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  Speaker 1: terms with Mary. But how about that morning Nurse Phileter
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  Speaker 1: mentioned when she said people were trying to kill her
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  Speaker 1: before her time? Mary may really have been impatient with
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  Speaker 1: her for being such an unconscionable time a dying. If
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  Speaker 1: Miss Dawson became aware of that, she would certainly have
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  Speaker 1: resented it, and may very well have expressed an intention
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  Speaker 1: of making her will in someone else's favor as a
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  Speaker 1: kind of insurance against premature decease, Then why didn't she
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  Speaker 1: send for her solicitor. She may have tried to, but
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  Speaker 1: after all, she was bedridden and helpless. Mary may have
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  Speaker 1: prevented the message from being sent. That sounds quite plausible,
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  Speaker 1: doesn't it. That's why I want Evelyn Cropper's evidence. I'm
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  Speaker 1: perfectly certain those girls were packed off because they had
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  Speaker 1: heard more than they should. Or why such enthusiasm over
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  Speaker 1: sending them to London? Yes, I thought that part of
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  Speaker 1: missus Gulliver's story was a bit odd. I say, how
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  Speaker 1: about the other nurse, nurse Forbes. That's a good idea.
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  Speaker 1: I was forgetting her. Think you can trace her? Of course,
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  Speaker 1: if you really think it important. I do. I think
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  Speaker 1: it's damned important. Look here, Charles, you don't seem very
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  Speaker 1: enthusiastic about this case. Well you know, I'm not so
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  Speaker 1: certain it is a case at all. What makes you
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  Speaker 1: so fearfully key about it? You seem dead set on
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  Speaker 1: making it a murder with practically nothing to go upon.
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  Speaker 1: Why Lord Peter got up and paced the room. The
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  Speaker 1: light from the solitary reading lamp through his lean shadow
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  Speaker 1: diffused and monstrously elongated up to the ceiling. He walked
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  Speaker 1: over to a bookshelf, and the shadow shrank, blackened, settled down.
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  Speaker 1: He stretched his hand, and the hand the shadow flew
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  Speaker 1: with it, hovering over the gilded titles of the books
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  Speaker 1: and blotting them out one by one. Why, repeated whimsy,
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  Speaker 1: Because I believe this is the case. I have always
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  Speaker 1: been looking for the case of cases, the murder without
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  Speaker 1: discernible means or motive or clue, the norm all these,
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  Speaker 1: He swept his extended hand across the bookshelf, and the
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  Speaker 1: shadow outlined a vaster and more menacing gesture. All these
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  Speaker 1: books on this side of the room are books about crimes,
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  Speaker 1: but they only deal with the abnormal crimes. What do
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  Speaker 1: you mean by abnormal crimes? The failures, the crimes that
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  Speaker 1: have been found out? What proportion do you suppose they
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  Speaker 1: bear to the successful crimes, the ones we hear nothing
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  Speaker 1: about in this country, said Parker, rather stiffly. We manage
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  Speaker 1: to trace and convict the majority of criminals, My good man,
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  Speaker 1: I know that where a crime is known to have
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  Speaker 1: been committed, you people manage to catch the perpetrator in
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  Speaker 1: at least sixty percent of the cases. But the moment
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  Speaker 1: a crime is even suspected, it falls it so facto
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  Speaker 1: into the category of failures. After that, the thing is
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  Speaker 1: merely a question of greater or less efficiency on the
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  Speaker 1: part of the police. But how about the crimes which
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  Speaker 1: are never even suspected? Parker shrugged his shoulders. How can
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  Speaker 1: anybody answer that? Well, one may guess. Read any newspaper today,
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  Speaker 1: read the news of the world, or now that the
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  Speaker 1: press has been muzzled, read the divorce cord lists. Wouldn't
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  Speaker 1: they give you the idea that marriage is a failure?
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  Speaker 1: Isn't the sillier sort of journalism packed with articles to
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  Speaker 1: the same effect. And yet, looking round among the marriages
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  Speaker 1: you know of personally, aren't the majority of them a
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  Speaker 1: success in a humdrum, undemonstrative sort of way. Only you
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  Speaker 1: don't hear of them. People don't to come into court
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  Speaker 1: and explain that they daughter along very comfortably on the whole,
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  Speaker 1: thank you very much. Similarly, if you read all the
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  Speaker 1: books on this shelf, you'd come to the conclusion that
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  Speaker 1: murder was a failure. But bless you, it's always the
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  Speaker 1: failures that make the noise successful. Murderers don't write to
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  Speaker 1: the papers about it, They don't even join in imbecile
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  Speaker 1: symposia to tell an inquisitive world what murder means to me,
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  Speaker 1: or how I became a successful poisoner. Happy murderers, like
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  Speaker 1: happy wives, keep quiet tongues, and they probably bear just
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  Speaker 1: about the same proportion to the failures as the divorced
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  Speaker 1: couples do to the happily mated. Aren't you putting it
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  Speaker 1: rather high? I don't know, nor does anybody. That's the
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  Speaker 1: devil of it. You ask any doctor when you've got
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  Speaker 1: him in an unbuttoned, well lubricated frame of mind, if
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  Speaker 1: he hasn't often had grizzly suspicions which he could not
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  Speaker 1: and dared not take steps to verify. You see, by
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  Speaker 1: our friend Carr, what happens when one doctor is a
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  Speaker 1: trifle more courageous than the rest. Well, he couldn't prove anything,
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  Speaker 1: I know, But that doesn't mean there's nothing to be proved.
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  Speaker 1: Look at the scores and scores of murders that have
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  Speaker 1: gone unproved and unsuspected till the fool of a murderer
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  Speaker 1: went too far and did something silly which blew up
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  Speaker 1: the whole show. Palmer, for instance, his wife and brother
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  Speaker 1: and mother in law, and various illegitimate children, all peacefully
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  Speaker 1: put away till he made the mistake of polishing cook
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  Speaker 1: Off in that story spectacular manner. Look at George Joseph Smith.
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  Speaker 1: Nobody'd have thought of bothering any more about those first
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  Speaker 1: two wives he drowned. It was only when he did
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  Speaker 1: it the third time that he aroused suspicion. Armstrong two
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  Speaker 1: is supposed to have got away with many more crimes
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  Speaker 1: than he was tried for. It was being clumsy over
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  Speaker 1: Martin and the chocolates that stirred up the hornet's nest.
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  Speaker 1: In the end, Burke and Hare were convicted of murdering
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  Speaker 1: an old woman, and then brightly confessed that they'd put
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  Speaker 1: away sixteen people in two months, and no one a
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  Speaker 1: penny the wiser. But they were caught because they were fools.
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  Speaker 1: If you murdered someone in a brutal, messy way, or
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  Speaker 1: poison someone who had previously enjoyed rollicking health, or choose
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  Speaker 1: the very day after a will been made in your
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  Speaker 1: favor to extinguish the testator, or go on killing everyone
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  Speaker 1: you meet till people begin to think your first cousin
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  Speaker 1: to uh upis Tree. Naturally you're found out in the end.
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  Speaker 1: But to somebody old and ill in circumstances where the
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  Speaker 1: benefit to you isn't too apparent, and use a sensible
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  Speaker 1: method that looks like natural death or accident, and don't
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  Speaker 1: repeat your effects too often, and you're safe. I swear
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  Speaker 1: all the heart diseases and gastric enteritis and influenzas that
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  Speaker 1: get certified are not nature's unaided work. Murders so easy, Charles,
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  Speaker 1: so damned easy, even without special training. Parker looked troubled.
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  Speaker 1: There's something in what you say. I've heard some funny
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  Speaker 1: tales myself, We all do, I suppose, But miss Dawson,
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  Speaker 1: Miss Dawson fascinates me, Charles. Such a beautiful object, so
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  Speaker 1: old and ill, so likely to die soon, bound to
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  Speaker 1: die before long, no near relations to make inquiries, no
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  Speaker 1: connections or old friends in the neighborhood, and so rich
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  Speaker 1: upon my soul, Charles. I lie in bed, licking my
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  Speaker 1: lips over ways and means of murdery Miss Dawson. Well, anyhow,
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  Speaker 1: till you can think of one that defies analysis and
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: doesn't seem to need a motive, you haven't found the
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: right one, said Parker, practically rather revolted by this schoolish conversation.
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  Speaker 1: I admit that, replied Lord Peter. But that only shows
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  Speaker 1: that as yet I'm merely a third rate murderer. Wait
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  Speaker 1: till I've perfected my method, and then i'll show you.
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  Speaker 1: Perhaps some wise Old Buffer has said that each of
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  Speaker 1: us holds the life of one other person between his hands,
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  Speaker 1: but only one Charles, only one end of Chapter eight