Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Do You Really Know Your Child Msg 37 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living

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Do You Really Know Your Child Msg 37 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

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  Speaker 1: Any series on the family would certainly include some messages
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  Speaker 1: on children and the whole process of rearing children God's way,
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  Speaker 1: which is often surprising to us because the truth be told,
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  Speaker 1: very few have been reared God's way. Not said to
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  Speaker 1: be in any way critical of your parents or mine.
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  Speaker 1: The fact is, most of them simply didn't know. Just
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  Speaker 1: as I could say many of you may have never
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  Speaker 1: made a study of how to rear your children as
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  Speaker 1: God planned for them to be reared. So we'll get
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  Speaker 1: into that today from the book of Proverbs, a book
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  Speaker 1: of wisdom. If you have your Bible with you, I'd
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  Speaker 1: like you to turn to chapter 20, and I'll read
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  Speaker 1: several excerpts from the Proverbs. We won't cover all of them,
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  Speaker 1: but several of them we will. Proverbs 20, verse 11
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  Speaker 1: will be the starting point. As we come to this
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  Speaker 1: section of God's word, out of respect for the scriptures,
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  Speaker 1: I invite you to stand with me for the reading
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  Speaker 1: of his word. I'll be reading this today from the
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  Speaker 1: New American Standard Version of the Bible. Proverbs 20, 11.
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  Speaker 1: It is by his deeds that a boy distinguishes himself.
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  Speaker 1: if his conduct is pure and right, the hearing ear
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  Speaker 1: and the seeing eye, the Lord has made both of them.
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  Speaker 1: Turn ahead to 22.6. Train up a child in the
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  Speaker 1: way he should go, even when he grows older, He
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  Speaker 1: will not abandon it. And again, chapter 24, verses 3
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  Speaker 1: and 4. By wisdom a house is built, and by
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  Speaker 1: understanding it is established. And by knowledge the rooms are
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  Speaker 1: filled with with all precious and pleasant riches. And finally, 29, 15.
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  Speaker 1: The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who
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  Speaker 1: gets his own way brings shame. to his mother. Bow
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  Speaker 1: with me for prayer, please. We call on you, our Father,
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  Speaker 1: for there is no other who is able to hear
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  Speaker 1: us in our needs and meet those needs in the
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  Speaker 1: best possible way. We make requests and you provide answers
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  Speaker 1: that honor you and please you, rather than simply giving
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  Speaker 1: us what we want. As we view the world around us,
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  Speaker 1: we acknowledge with a deep sigh that we are in
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  Speaker 1: desperate straits. Some countries are war-torn and war-weary. Their lives
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  Speaker 1: are broken, homes are destroyed, cities bombarded, families fractured. Many
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  Speaker 1: have rushed to safety, staying in places that are unfamiliar,
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  Speaker 1: living with people they do not know, simply to survive.
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  Speaker 1: We pray for these dear people. We ask that by
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  Speaker 1: your grace you bring an end to this. Meet the
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  Speaker 1: needs of those whose lives are turned upside down, wrong
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  Speaker 1: side out. Many of them have come to an end
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  Speaker 1: of any sense of peace. By your grace, you're able
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  Speaker 1: to restore it. We count on you to do that.
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  Speaker 1: There are places in our own country that homes and
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  Speaker 1: families are filled with grief over the sudden and shocking
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  Speaker 1: deaths of their loved ones, killed by crazed individuals. O Lord,
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  Speaker 1: we pray for them. Provide for their needs. Meet them
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  Speaker 1: in their grief. Remind us as we sit at our
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  Speaker 1: tables for our meals at this very day, for lunch
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  Speaker 1: and even supper, with an abundance of food that there
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  Speaker 1: are many who know nothing of abundance. We thank you
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  Speaker 1: for providing our needs. Reach out, we pray, to those
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  Speaker 1: whom we cannot touch. Bring a sense of encouragement and
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  Speaker 1: hope to those who are on the edge. among families
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  Speaker 1: that are fractured, even in our own midst. Bring healing
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  Speaker 1: and hope. Use your word today to open our eyes,
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  Speaker 1: our hearts, to see what we've never seen before. Find
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  Speaker 1: us willing to hear from you and to adapt our
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  Speaker 1: ways to yours. take our entire lives and let them
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  Speaker 1: be consecrated, Lord, to thee. We lay ourselves before you.
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  Speaker 1: We trust you to do spiritual surgery and in the process,
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  Speaker 1: change us so that we might be more like your sons.
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  Speaker 1: We pray in his great name and for his glory.
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  Speaker 1: All his people said, Amen. Please be seated. Mark Twain
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  Speaker 1: offered a homespun philosophy of rearing children on one occasion.
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  Speaker 1: He wrote this, Things run along pretty smoothly until your
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  Speaker 1: kid reaches 13. That's the time you need to stick
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  Speaker 1: them in a barrel, hammer the lid down nice and snug,
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  Speaker 1: and feed them through the knot hole. And when he
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  Speaker 1: turns 16, plug up the knot hole. As much as
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  Speaker 1: I appreciate the writings of Mark Twain, I'm afraid he
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  Speaker 1: didn't know much about rearing children, though he certainly must
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  Speaker 1: have written that with tongue in cheek. Since when, since
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  Speaker 1: when is any mom or dad able to ever get
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  Speaker 1: a 13-year-old into a barrel and hammer the lid down
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  Speaker 1: on top? And when could we ever feed one through
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  Speaker 1: a knot hole? Every 13-year-old I know can empty a
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  Speaker 1: refrigerator in 20 minutes on any occasion. And by the way,
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  Speaker 1: while I'm at it, things don't run along real smoothly
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  Speaker 1: until the kid turns 13. Since when did that start happening?
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  Speaker 1: Sometime those are, well, some of the most difficult and
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  Speaker 1: I might even add tragic years in a family's life,
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  Speaker 1: including the children. Here are a few grim statistics. The
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  Speaker 1: number one killer of children under age five is not
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  Speaker 1: crib death or accidents or some dreadful disease. It's child abuse.
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  Speaker 1: Two-thirds of all child abuse occurs with children under age four.
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  Speaker 1: In fact, abuse is the second leading cause of death
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  Speaker 1: among children between birth and age 12. And those are
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  Speaker 1: the ones that are reported. Think of the many that
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  Speaker 1: never get reported. That's enough grim statistics for a while.
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  Speaker 1: How much better to turn our attention to what we
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  Speaker 1: can do to restore relationships in our families? What we
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  Speaker 1: can do to get to know our children as well
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  Speaker 1: as we possibly can. For the fact is, We don't
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  Speaker 1: know them. So where do we start? The answer is
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  Speaker 1: clear and concise. It's not complicated. It all begins with
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  Speaker 1: ground zero, Proverbs 22, verse 6. Before I read that
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  Speaker 1: verse and dissect it as best I can, let me
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  Speaker 1: encourage you not to think that just because you have
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  Speaker 1: conceived and carried your child nine months, given birth to
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  Speaker 1: or adopted your boy or girl, that you therefore know
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  Speaker 1: your child. You don't. You can't. For nine months, the
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  Speaker 1: Lord has been building into your child things you're not
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  Speaker 1: even aware of. You can nurse your child and feed
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  Speaker 1: your child well and clothe the child and bathe and
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  Speaker 1: teach certain skills and even discipline fairly and play games
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  Speaker 1: with and educate carefully enough And then finally release your
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  Speaker 1: child at the altar to marry someone of his or
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  Speaker 1: her choice and never really know that child. It takes time.
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  Speaker 1: It takes openness. It takes careful, sensitive observation. over years.
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  Speaker 1: Diligent study of the child, and of course, lots of prayer.
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  Speaker 1: Prayer for wisdom, for discernment, for understanding. When you invest
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  Speaker 1: yourself in all of that, you're well on your way
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  Speaker 1: to getting to know your child. This biblical ground zero,
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  Speaker 1: I'm calling it here in Proverbs 22, 6, will help
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  Speaker 1: us begin in the right place. But I need to
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  Speaker 1: warn you, chances are good you've never been taught correctly
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  Speaker 1: what the verse is saying. For example, the common interpretation
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  Speaker 1: goes something like this. When we read, train up a
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  Speaker 1: child in the way he should go, and when he
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  Speaker 1: is old, he will not depart from it, we think
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  Speaker 1: it means be sure your child is in Sunday school
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  Speaker 1: and church regularly. Make certain that he or she memorizes
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  Speaker 1: a number of verses of Scripture, learns the Ten Commandments,
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  Speaker 1: respects the Golden Rule, learns a number of the great hymns,
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  Speaker 1: and even memorizes some prayers. Send that child to Christian
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  Speaker 1: camps each summer, and if at all possible, either homeschool
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  Speaker 1: or enroll your child in a good, strong Christian school
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  Speaker 1: taught by Christian teachers who know the Bible and will
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  Speaker 1: base their teaching on the Bible. Since he or she
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  Speaker 1: is going to rebel when they reach that strange age
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  Speaker 1: of rebellion, when each child seems to sow its wild
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  Speaker 1: oats He's going to depart from the things he's learned,
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  Speaker 1: but when he's old and wrinkled and maybe 60, 70
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  Speaker 1: years of age, you'll return to the things you taught him. Stop.
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  Speaker 1: What kind of a promise is that? That doesn't bring relief, encouragement,
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  Speaker 1: or hope. Furthermore, if I may, much of what I
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  Speaker 1: just said isn't true. There's no magic in coming to church,
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  Speaker 1: going to Sunday school. being sent to summer camp or
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  Speaker 1: going even to a Christian school or being homeschooled by
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  Speaker 1: well-meaning parents. You and I know that as soon as
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  Speaker 1: they break out of that, I'm going to call it
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  Speaker 1: what it is, out of that hothouse setting, they turn
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  Speaker 1: to a rebellion and many of them never turn back
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  Speaker 1: to God. Some die in that state of rebellion. Furthermore,
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  Speaker 1: to make matters worse, that's not what this verse means.
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  Speaker 1: That's a wrong interpretation. All of that is external. Allow
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  Speaker 1: me to dissect the verse as carefully as I can,
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  Speaker 1: and then when I've finished, offer a general paraphrase that
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  Speaker 1: takes a whole different perspective and gives you a new
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  Speaker 1: way to look at these words. Let's start with train up.
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  Speaker 1: Train up a child. This is derived from a Hebrew
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  Speaker 1: term that means pallet or roof of the mouth. Back
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  Speaker 1: in the era of King Solomon, the time when Proverbs
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  Speaker 1: were written, this particular term in Hebrew was used mainly
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  Speaker 1: in two ways. First, it was used for breaking a
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  Speaker 1: wild horse. where a leather strap was placed in the mouth,
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  Speaker 1: in the mouth of the horse, and the one riding
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  Speaker 1: the horse to break it is hanging onto these leather straps,
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  Speaker 1: and this, we call it a bridle, helps in the
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  Speaker 1: process of doing so, bringing the horse under control and
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  Speaker 1: into submission, ultimately. The second And more relevant way the
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  Speaker 1: term is used is to describe the action of a
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  Speaker 1: midwife as she would hold a tiny newborn in her arms.
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  Speaker 1: She would dip the tip of her finger into a
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  Speaker 1: small pool of crushed grapes or dates and then reach
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  Speaker 1: into the mouth of the infant and massage the palate
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  Speaker 1: or the gums of the infant, encouraging a sucking response.
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  Speaker 1: Franz Delisch, one of the older German commentators and reliable one,
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  Speaker 1: says this has its roots in Germany. It has Arabic
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  Speaker 1: roots rather than Hebrew in its basic form. It's believed
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  Speaker 1: back then to have served as a cleansing agent. And
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  Speaker 1: the result would also be to create a thirst for
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  Speaker 1: the mother's milk. Remember those words, create a thirst. We'll
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  Speaker 1: leave that for a moment and take on a child.
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  Speaker 1: Train up a child. Immediately, most of us think of
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  Speaker 1: one who is between birth and ages four, five, six,
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  Speaker 1: along there. A little child. But it's much broader. This
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  Speaker 1: Hebrew term, translated child, it's used of a newborn infant
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  Speaker 1: in 1 Samuel 1. 421. Stay with me. The same
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  Speaker 1: term is used of a child that has just been weaned.
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  Speaker 1: First Samuel 127. The boy Samuel before he was taken
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  Speaker 1: to be given to the priest Eli. Child is the
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  Speaker 1: word used. It's also used of a boy in preteen years.
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  Speaker 1: In Genesis 21, 16, referring to Ishmael, the son of Hagar.
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  Speaker 1: It's used of a 17-year-old youth. In fact, it's translated
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  Speaker 1: in our English Bible, youth of Joseph. In Genesis 37, 2,
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  Speaker 1: same Hebrew word, child. Translated there, youth. And interestingly, it's
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  Speaker 1: also used of a young adult of marital age, Genesis 34, 19. Now,
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  Speaker 1: why have I walked you through all these verses? So
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  Speaker 1: that you will see that this refers to a child
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  Speaker 1: that covers all ages, including youth, adolescence, and even young adulthood,
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  Speaker 1: while still under the roof of the parents. So we
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  Speaker 1: never stop the training, or it isn't just training for
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  Speaker 1: little children. This is training that works in the lives
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  Speaker 1: of teenagers, those going through those transitional years of becoming
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  Speaker 1: more and more mature, It covers infancy through young adulthood.
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  Speaker 1: It's during all of those years while they're under our
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  Speaker 1: roof that we are to be engaged as parents in
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  Speaker 1: the training of our children, cultivating a thirst for spiritual things,
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  Speaker 1: developing an appetite within the child for that which is
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  Speaker 1: right and good and wholesome. even helping to shape their
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  Speaker 1: will and bring it into submission. You see, if it
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  Speaker 1: doesn't happen in the home, we leave at the altar
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  Speaker 1: a strong-willed adult woman or man as a bride or
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  Speaker 1: groom because we as parents did not deal with the
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  Speaker 1: will of the child. I'll get into more of that
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  Speaker 1: next time. I just want you to see the breadth
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  Speaker 1: of the word child. Now this may seem to say
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  Speaker 1: to you that there's no individuality here, that all children
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  Speaker 1: ought to be trained the same way. And while I'm
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  Speaker 1: at it, I can just hear parents thinking, I know
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  Speaker 1: the way because I'm the parent and he or she
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  Speaker 1: is the child. And I know how I was raised
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  Speaker 1: and I'm going to raise mine just like I was raised. Wrong. Wrong.
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  Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, Proverbs 22, 6 teaches quite
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  Speaker 1: the opposite. This verse is not about you or me.
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  Speaker 1: It's about a child. It's about adapting our training to
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  Speaker 1: the child's way. In fact, the Hebrew statement reads, train
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  Speaker 1: up a child according to his way. Not your way.
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  Speaker 1: Stay with me. Stay open. Keep listening. Train up a
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  Speaker 1: child according to his way. In fact, Charles Ryrie, in
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  Speaker 1: the footnote, of the New American Standard Bible mentions that. Literally,
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  Speaker 1: the verse is saying, according to his way. What does
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  Speaker 1: that mean? It means that each child comes into our homes,
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  Speaker 1: either by actual birth or adoption, with a definite, pre-described
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  Speaker 1: way given by God, shaped while first in the womb.
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  Speaker 1: That way includes inclinations, interests, characteristics that are unique to
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  Speaker 1: that child. Even in a family of multiple children, each
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  Speaker 1: child comes with a unique set of gifts or bents.
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  Speaker 1: The Amplified Bible reads it as such. Trade up a
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  Speaker 1: child according to his way. That is, according to his
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  Speaker 1: own individual gifts or bents. God put them there during
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  Speaker 1: those nine months he or she was was being formed
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  Speaker 1: in the womb of the mother. That's the way of
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  Speaker 1: a child. See that term in your Bible, way? It's
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  Speaker 1: from the Hebrew term Derek, D-E-R-E-K, Derek. It appears four
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  Speaker 1: times in two verses of Proverbs 30, 18 and 19.
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  Speaker 1: If you have your Bible open, you can turn with
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  Speaker 1: me and read along. Proverbs 30, 18 and 19 say this.
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  Speaker 1: There are three things which are too wonderful for me,
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  Speaker 1: four which I do not understand. The way of an eagle, Derek,
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  Speaker 1: the way of an eagle in the sky. The way
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  Speaker 1: of a serpent on a rock, way, Derek, same term.
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  Speaker 1: the way of a serpent on a rock. Third, the
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  Speaker 1: way of a ship in the middle of the sea. Derek,
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  Speaker 1: the way of a ship in the sea. And fourth,
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  Speaker 1: the way, Derek, the way of a man with a maid.
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  Speaker 1: Think on those four examples for a moment. Ponder them.
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  Speaker 1: There's something beautifully unique about an eagle in flight. And
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  Speaker 1: if you're ever in an area where eagles fly, you
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  Speaker 1: find yourself captured by that flight. You can hardly take
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  Speaker 1: your eyes off of it. It's like no other fowl
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  Speaker 1: in flight. It has its own unique characteristics. inclinations, abilities.
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  Speaker 1: The same is true of a serpent on a rock.
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  Speaker 1: You don't just glance at a serpent and look away.
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  Speaker 1: You stare at it. You're intrigued by it, especially if
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  Speaker 1: you're standing on the same rock. There's something about the slithering,
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  Speaker 1: slippery serpent moving on a rock that holds your attention.
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  Speaker 1: It's like no other reptile. the way of a serpent
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  Speaker 1: on a rock. And then if you're ever at sea
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  Speaker 1: and a large ship passes or is coming toward you,
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  Speaker 1: you don't simply glance at it and look elsewhere. You
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  Speaker 1: watch it. You study it as it goes by. You're
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  Speaker 1: intrigued by it. There's something about a ship at sea
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  Speaker 1: that has its own unique look and characteristics. And while
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  Speaker 1: I'm at it, there's no handbook of romance for a
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  Speaker 1: man with his wife as they're making love or as
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  Speaker 1: they're romancing with one another. The soft embrace. One man
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  Speaker 1: with this wife this way, this other man that way.
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  Speaker 1: There's a uniqueness. There's a way about that in each
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  Speaker 1: couple's lives that is enrapturing and marvelously beautiful. intimate, and pleasant.
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  Speaker 1: Each represents a uniqueness, curious, intriguing characteristics that attracts and
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  Speaker 1: captures our attention. You don't try to make one anything
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  Speaker 1: like the other. Now listen to the analogy. So it
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  Speaker 1: is with each child. They are not soft, pliable, moldable
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  Speaker 1: pieces of clay, no matter what you may have been told.
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  Speaker 1: We're not able to mold them as we see fit,
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  Speaker 1: not without serious ramifications. When we try that, that's when
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  Speaker 1: rebellion starts in the home. It's not about that. It's
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  Speaker 1: not like we're turning out cookies from the cookie cutter
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  Speaker 1: of our home And they all look the same when
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  Speaker 1: it's over. They're not meant to be. They weren't born
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  Speaker 1: to be. They weren't prescribed to be. The most common
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  Speaker 1: mistake parents make is rearing all of their children just alike.
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  Speaker 1: Our children are as different as eagles are different from serpents.
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  Speaker 1: And as different as large ships at sea are different
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  Speaker 1: from the intimate ways a man is with his wife.
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  Speaker 1: Think about those children in the Bible. Let's go there.
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  Speaker 1: Let's use that as an example. Let's take the first
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  Speaker 1: children born to parents, Cain and Abel. Were they alike?
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  Speaker 1: Not at all. And when they grew up, were they similar?
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  Speaker 1: Not at all. So severe was the jealousy, envy, hostility
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  Speaker 1: between the two that Cain murders Abel. Well, how about
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  Speaker 1: Isaac and Ishmael? Same dad. Surely they were alike. Not
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  Speaker 1: at all. They couldn't even get along. It got to
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  Speaker 1: where they even had to put Ishmael and his mother
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  Speaker 1: out of the house for there to be a return
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  Speaker 1: to some sense of peace. Well, you say you're stacking
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  Speaker 1: the deck. Okay, let's go to twins. Jacob and Esau.
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  Speaker 1: Were they alike? They're twins, for goodness sake. Just born
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  Speaker 1: minutes from one another. Esau, the older of the two,
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  Speaker 1: he's a, scripture calls him a hairy man. He loves
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  Speaker 1: the out of doors. Jacob is altogether different from Esau.
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  Speaker 1: He loves to be inside. He liked to cook. He
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  Speaker 1: liked the things of the home. One was the favorite
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  Speaker 1: of one parent. One was the favorite of the other parent.
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  Speaker 1: which only complicated things. That often happens when you don't
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  Speaker 1: know your children. You choose one that's most like you
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  Speaker 1: and you favor them. Or you find one most different
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  Speaker 1: and you intensify the discipline, sometimes to the point of abuse.
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  Speaker 1: Jacob and Esau. How about Absalom and Solomon? Not at
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  Speaker 1: all alike. Well, how about David and his brothers? Or
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  Speaker 1: Joseph and his brothers? While I'm at it, how about
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: you and your brothers? Don't answer out loud. Very different,
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: aren't you? You and your sisters. Different people. Doesn't mean
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: you don't love them. It doesn't mean you don't relate
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: to them. It just means you're different. If I may,
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: I was reared in a home of three children, older brother,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: older sister, and I'm the baby in the family. Brother, brilliant,
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: high intelligence, magnificent piano skills, musical skills. He's playing Sovjeto
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: by Bach when he's not even 18 years old. Paderewski's minuet.
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: Could have easily become a concert pianist. Went to Rice,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: an engineering school. A scholarship. Won the honors in high school.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: And my sister. Everybody loved Lucy from earliest years on.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Missed popularity. And then I came along. Unplanned. And my
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: mother called it a mistake. I was a mistake. That
• 36:00
  Speaker 1: was the first title that I got, a mistake. I
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: knew later when we began our family what that meant.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: But at the time, I wasn't sure what that meant.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: And later I realized because I was kind of in
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: the way. My older brother, clearly my mother's favorite, And
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: my sister, clearly my dad's favorite. And you run out
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: of parents. And so, you know what happened? Let me
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: give you the good news. I stuttered pretty badly by
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: the time I got into high school. But there was
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: a teacher there named Dick Neamey who was in charge
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: of the drama courses and debate. And he lined me
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: up to be in both and And I couldn't believe
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: he picked me, and he said, I'll teach you how
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: to speak without stuttering. My parents had never addressed my stuttering,
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: but my teacher at school did. And I wound up
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: being very comfortable speaking before a group, thanks to Dick Nimi. Oh,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I never knew I was a leader. My parents never
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: pointed that out. Don't feel sorry for me, please. This
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: isn't a pity party for Chuck. This is just my story.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: So I'm in the Marine Corps, and the drill instructor
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: calls me over on one occasion and says to me, hey, Swindle.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: He knew I hated that, but he called me Swindle
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: the whole time. Hey, Swindle, come here. Stick out your
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: right arm. So I stuck out my right arm. He
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: wrapped a red band around my arm. He says, you're
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: the best leader in our platoon. You're the right guy.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: Now get these guys in shape. What did he just say?
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Did he call me a leader? I never knew I
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: had leadership skills. I was never told that. You say,
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: surely you knew. I didn't know. How was that a no?
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: Someone older points it out and explains how that's true.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I'm 8,000 miles from home in the Marine Corps, and
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: a mentor is there with the navigators saying, And he
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: pours his life into mine and says to me one day,
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: as we have finished ministering on the flatbed, a truck flatbed,
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: did street scene. I sang and then I preached and
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: he's off to the side. He says to me as
• 38:35
  Speaker 1: we're driving back to the base, he said, you know, Chuck,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: you're a natural. Natural what? I didn't know what that meant.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: He said, man, you're made for ministry. You see, I
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: was getting ready to go back home and go back
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: to my job in the machine shop because my dad,
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: who was a machinist, felt like I should be a machinist.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: So I served my apprenticeship in a machine shop for
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: four and a half years. Can you picture me being
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: all my life in a machine shop? Nothing wrong with
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: machine shops. There's something wrong with my being in one
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: because I don't fit a machine shop. I never enjoyed it.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: As soon as I got there, engaged in seminary work,
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: I was in my element. I had the time of
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: my life, some of the happiest years of my life.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: when Cynthia and I were at Dallas Seminary. Loved it.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: Aced the courses. Not because I'm brilliant, but because I
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: gave myself to it with diligence because I'm, according to
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: Bob Newkirk, the navigators are natural. I never thought of
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: that before. It is the responsibility of parents to help
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: children know what they're good at, how they're made, to
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: observe them so as to understand the inclinations within them.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: You're good with your hands, or you're very skilled, or man,
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: what you do on the piano is marvelous. We're going
• 40:18
  Speaker 1: to do our best to get you among the best
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: teachers and develop that ability. Now, be careful. Careful here,
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: because if you don't watch it, you're going to want
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: to make your child to be just like you, especially
• 40:32
  Speaker 1: if you were frustrated. And your child will now do
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: what you weren't able to do, especially true among athletic
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: fathers who didn't quite make the grade, and they've got
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: a son that's good in athletics, and they push him.
• 40:48
  Speaker 1: and push him, and push him, and push him, and
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: push him, until the child not only wants nothing to
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: do with athletics, he wants nothing to do with his father.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: I have a good friend whom I met at Dallas Seminary.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: He's from a farm. The farm was in the family
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: for three generations. His father told him, you know, we're
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: saving the farm for you, bud. when you finish school,
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: you'll be back here and you'll begin the fourth generation
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: of the family on the farm. And my friend said
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: to his dad, as he was finishing school, he had
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: gone to Bible school and realized the Lord wanted him
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: into ministry, in ministry. And he said, dad, you know what?
• 41:36
  Speaker 1: I'm really called to ministry. I'm not interested in the farm.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: And his very wise father said, good for you. We'll
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: sell the farm. How many fathers would push back? No, son.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: And they use guilt. The farm's been in the family
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: for three generations. We want to keep it here. That
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: father said, no. And you know what? That man went
• 42:02
  Speaker 1: on to his doctorate. He's doing very well in ministry
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: because that's where he's made for. And the father is
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: wise enough to realize it. One of the greatest things
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: you can do for your child is help your child
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: know who he or she is. It really is. And
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: you have to find that out. It takes time. By
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: the way, did you see the part of the verse
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: that says when he is old, he will not depart
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: from it? It doesn't mean when he's 70 or 80.
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: The Hebrew term means when there's hair growing on the chin.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: When does that happen? When a young man is, what, 16, 17,
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: starts to shave. When he's reaching maturity. Now it's making sense.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: Now we've got a promise that's worth claiming. Listen to
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: a paraphrase. Train up, that is, cultivate an appetite for
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: spiritual things within your child your child of any age,
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: as long as he's under the same roof, make sure
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: that will is brought into submission so that the child
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: understands his own individual interests, inclinations, and giftedness. And when
• 43:32
  Speaker 1: he or she reaches the age of maturity, he will
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: not depart from what each one learned during such healthy
• 43:43
  Speaker 1: and wholesome years of training. You know what that creates
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: for a child? Security. You become secure when you know
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: who you are. Truth be told, and I do not
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: mean this in any way insulting, but a number of
• 44:09
  Speaker 1: you do not know who you are. And you spent
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: half your life trying to figure out what you're good at.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: That was your parents' job. It's not a knock on
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: your parents. They didn't know that that was their job.
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: Most don't realize that that's the responsibility of parents. that
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: we have children with bents, good bents and evil bents.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: We'll look at that next time. And we're to cultivate
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: the good bents so that they become better and better
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: at those things. And we're to counteract the evil bents
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: lest they be left to their own way. Remember the
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: verse I read, a child who gets his own way,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: bring shame to his mother, gets his own way isn't
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: in the Hebrew. The Hebrew says, but a child who
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: is left gets his own way. A child who is
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: left brings shame to the mother. Left where? Left in
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: the original state in which he came. When the evil
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: bent is not dealt with. One wonders how many in
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: prison are there not knowing who they are. not knowing
• 45:37
  Speaker 1: why they've become such rebels. How often a child is asked,
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: why'd you do that? And it was the wrong thing
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: to do. And maybe the child was 17, 18 years old.
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: And the answer is, I don't know. I don't know
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: why I did that. When you help a child know
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: who they are, they'll know why they do what they do.
• 45:59
  Speaker 1: And they'll realize on their own what is right and
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: what is wrong. How good is that? Talk about making
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: a great contribution in the life of your child. The
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: greatest thing you can give your child as a parent
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: is a sensitive spirit so that you understand how God
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: made them and then a willingness to pass that on
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: to the child so that he or she knows himself
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: or herself while growing up. discovering this to be a reality.
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: It takes wisdom, it takes understanding, and it takes knowledge. Again,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: a verse we will look at next time. By wisdom,
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: a house is built. By understanding, it is established. And
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: by knowledge, the rooms are filled with riches, the kind
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: of riches that make for greatness in families. The greatest
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: gift you can give your child is a knowledge of
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: who he or she is. Now, I'm not going to
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: leave you like this because you've got that guilty look
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: written all over your face. And I know some of
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: you say, where were you when we were younger, when
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: our kids were little? Wait a minute. Do you have grandkids?
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Are they small? Well, not now. You got great grandkids?
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: You see, God's planted so you keep having little kids
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: around you. Start there. Start there. By the way, you'll
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: find it a lot easier with grandchildren. They just have
• 47:41
  Speaker 1: a built-in respect for grandparents. And with that respect, you
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: can build on it. You know what, sweetheart? I notice
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: you're really good with numbers. You like math? Oh, yeah,
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: I really do. You ever thought about majoring in math
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: and getting into engineering? You might really love it. And
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: a great mistake we make as parents is comparing our kids.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: Remember going through the dreads of comparing report cards? Remember that?
• 48:16
  Speaker 1: Don't answer out loud. I remember in our home when
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: I would be compared to my brother's report card. My
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: brother's cards. Boring.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: I had variety. Oh, boy.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: What letter do you want? I got it. But I
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: didn't know that was okay. I thought there was something
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: wrong with me. No, I'm just not my brother. Susie
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: and Sally are in the same home and dad says
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: to Susie, what's the matter with you? Sally does so
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: and so. Why don't you do it? Susie says, because
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: I'm not Sally. Don't talk back. She's telling you the
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: best things she could tell you. She's not Sally. Quit
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: treating her like Sally. Why am I yelling? Because I
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: feel strongly about this. Because I want your family to
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: be Wholesome, healthy, and fulfilled. And it's not automatic just
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: because you have a big family or because you have
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: twins or triplets. It happens because you take the time
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: to study your child, pour yourself into that life or grandchild,
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: or whatever, that little one, and before you know it,
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: they crave time with you. And guess what? Leading them
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: to Christ is the simplest thing on earth. Because you've
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: loved them enough to get to know them, they want
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: to know why you loved them. And suddenly Christ steps
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: into the scene. It takes time. It takes effort. It
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: takes God's wisdom. It takes patience. It takes a willingness
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: to forgive. It takes vulnerability. How many of you have
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: a story your children haven't heard? of your own failings,
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: your own discoveries, your own past. I've never said this publicly,
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: but I'm going to say it. I buried both my
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: mother and my father nine years apart, even though my
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: dad was 15 years older than my mother. When I
• 51:05
  Speaker 1: buried my father, it was like burying a stranger. I
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: didn't know him. And he didn't know me. That's why
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: he said to me, just come on to the machine
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: shop where I am. Learn the trade. Rather than, you know, son,
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: I've noticed these things about you. And you and I
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: are different in these ways. And so I really respect
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: the difference. I never heard that in my life. See,
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: the joy of parenting is to help a child know
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: himself or herself. And the better they know themselves, think
• 51:55
  Speaker 1: about it, the better mates they make when they marry,
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: if they marry, the better citizens they make, the better
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: neighbors they are, because they're secure. They're not Trying to
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: please everybody? Soon as I really understood who I was,
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: I gave up the whole nonsense of pleasing people. That
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: gets you nowhere. Furthermore, you can never do it. My
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: desire is to please Christ. And when I please Him,
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: it's amazing how that aligns me to work with people.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: in a fair, objective, and loving way. And it frees
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: me from feeling like I have to be what somebody
• 52:50
  Speaker 1: else wants me to be, because I can only be me.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Same for you. Same for your children. Think on these things.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: We'll be back next time to look deeper into the
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: bents in our children. Your children have the bends. Ours
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: do too. Some of them are really good. Some of
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: them are not good. We cooperate with the good. We
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: counteract the evil. If we don't, society has to And
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: that's when it gets really ugly. Probably a major reason
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: we're dealing with what we are today. I would venture
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: to say most of those who indiscriminately kill and assault
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: have no clue who they are. So they've learned to
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: solve life with their fists and with weapons. What a
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: tragic way to live. Bow with me, will you? If
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: you've never trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ, this is
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: a great moment for you to turn your life over
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: to him. Ask him for guidance. Ask him for forgiveness.
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: Ask him to guide you in your life. To reshape
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: the way you think. To humble you. To use you.
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: to become your son and daughter's hero or your grandchild
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: so that someday they can say, I'm who I am
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: because of the parent God gave me or the grandparent
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: God gave me. Trust in Christ and so much will
• 55:04
  Speaker 1: be filled into the gaps and the hollows of your
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: own life. Trust him now. I thank you, Father, for
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: beginning to open our eyes to a simple verse. Thank
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: you for putting it in the book called the Bible.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: Guide us, we pray, as we apply it in this fast-moving, angry,
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: hostile age in which we live. May we become different
• 55:41
  Speaker 1: kinds of people. People who know ourselves because we know
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: you and you've enabled us to realize who we are.
• 55:56
  Speaker 1: Guide us in our steps toward maturity to put life
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: together correctly, wisely, and to help others do the same.
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: In the name of Jesus, I pray. Everybody said, Amen.
• 56:13
  Speaker 1: All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: commercial use is strictly prohibited.