Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Scott Fawcett- Founder, Decade Golf

Transcript

Scott Fawcett- Founder, Decade Golf · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_02: Hi, I'm Riley, and I'm Renner, and this is my dad's show.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: Hey everybody, it's Casey J.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: Cox with the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to season six, and I cannot be more excited to have you join me for another year of fantastic episodes and conversations, really unscripted and rough and authentic conversations with dads.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_02: If you're new to this podcast, it's really it's simple.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's a podcast where we we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them, and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: So let's sit back, relax, and listen to today's episode of the Quarterback Daddycast.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: Well, hey everybody, it's Casey Jacobs with the Quarterback Daddycast.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_02: We are at the tail end of season six, and um I'm very excited.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: One as a dad, but as a golfer to talk to this next gentleman who I first actually heard about him through one of my good buddies, Darren Ballmore's episode nine, season one.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um Be Nice was one of the first guests on my show.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_02: Um I also learned about him through Paul Salter, the the Scratch Golfers podcast, as well as Michael Leonard of the Wicked Smart Golf Podcast.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: But this gentleman is an eggy.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: He's a former web.com tour player.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_02: He actually put in the Hooters Tour for all the old school OG golfers out there.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_02: Uh but he's the founder of Decade Golf, which is uh a very interesting idea, company, platform.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_02: We're gonna learn all about it that he started back in, I think, 2014, if I'm gonna date it right.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um but more importantly, we're Scott is a dad, and that's why we're having him on to learn more about how Scott's working hard to become the ultimate quarterback or leader of his household.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_02: And as a golfer, this is a chance to finally play quarterback.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: So, Scott, welcome to the quarterback dad cast.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: This should be really interesting to see uh a non-golf talk.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: What what kind of knowledge I can attempt to spread.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: Well, we always start out each episode with gratitude.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, just the ability to keep on trying, making mistakes, and get up and try again.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's uh at the end of the day, all we can do.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: Love it, man.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: It's funny.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: I saw a quote this morning, it was about courage.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't like the something I can't remember who said it.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_02: It said, like, it's courage isn't the is not um, you know, giving up is not courage or to do something, but it's like it's when things get tough, it's just like keep showing up, keep doing things.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that when you said that, it kind of spoke to me.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: It kind of gets back to the Buddhist principle, I think, of pretty much every religion of this life is suffering.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And once you kind of have a grasp on that, it maybe gets a little bit easier to get through it.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: I actually was listening to an Alan Watts uh video on YouTube while I was working out, and just so much of it is just I mean, you just gotta keep on moving on.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's not a whole lot you can do, but the more that you can kind of let go of your attachment to the outcome, the easier it's gonna be to remain sane.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm trying to think what the the saying was, but it was like if you if you're being pulled, you can if you're being pulled, let go or you're gonna be dragged, something like that.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it's just like stop stop swimming upstream, swim with the current.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's like fighting it.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_02: You're trying to control the controllables, which we don't control.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_02: Um, stay there's you know, the saying of be where your feet are or be present.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's those cliches because they're they're truth and they and they work.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: So things that last a couple thousand years and sayings typically tend to be accurate and resonate with everyone.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it's funny you say that.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: So I well, um let me let me tell you what I'm grateful for that.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_02: I want to talk about that.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_02: What I'm grateful for today is one, just talking to you.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna learn learn today.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm also grateful for uh a fantastic weekend.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_02: We're in October, everybody, but this episode will come out in early December.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_02: Had a great weekend watching.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_02: I've been to my first University of Washington football game with my girlfriends.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: My girlfriend, my wife wouldn't like that.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_02: My son's girlfriend's parents.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: I do not have a girlfriend, honey, I swear to God.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_02: Uh we went to the University of Washington games, spent some time with them, and then watched my daughter play hoop.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um and had a blast doing that, so I'm grateful for that.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: But um Does she play hoops at UW?
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_02: No, she plays, she's a senior in high school, but she's gonna it's actually kind of a cool story.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I played football at a Division II school called Central Washington back in the 90s.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_02: And then um my daughter just committed to play basketball there um after the senior year.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's cool.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's kind of like they tradition if I think about the you know great Uncle Rico stories, those are the you know, the ones that come to mind just because like I can live my live live my carousing through her and go down memory lane every time I go on campus.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_02: That'll be awesome.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, bring me inside the faucet huddle.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me who's uh who do we got on the team and what's everybody up to right now?
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, it's that's a great question.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've got a 16-year-old daughter named Emma, a 12-year-old daughter named Kara, I've got an ex-wife, Rebecca, uh, you know, and we're all just trying to get along and make make the most out of whatever we can together.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: Love it.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: My mom is a rock for she just turned 77 last week or a couple weeks ago.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and and so she's definitely a rock that helps me stay on course.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_01: Is she does she live close?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: She's about 10 minutes away.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, sweet.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_02: That is awesome.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_02: What are um and what what keeps your two daughters busy?
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_02: What do they like to do?
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: My youngest is a competitive dancer.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: She's too busy, in my opinion, with that because she added cheerleading and a play in the school's theater this year in in seventh grade.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: I just think it's entirely too much that she's doing, but such is life.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: And uh my oldest, she hasn't really found her passion just yet.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: She actually is the mascot for her high school's football team now, or I guess her high school, which is just about the last thing I would have ever thought she would have signed up for.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: So it's an interesting thing, but she's got a good little group of friends that she's hanging out with uh in high school and just trying to have some fun.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um I think that the the mascot would be actually, as I think through this, it's you can you can let go and do whatever you want to do, and they never know it's you.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: If she would only do that, she's definitely the most docile mascot that's ever walked the earth.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: She's you know, she's she's not necessarily very coordinated, and she definitely never took to any sports or anything like that.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: So trying to become the mascot where you're supposed to kind of be jumping around, like you say, and being goofy and whatever.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I thought it was gonna be interesting to watch.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And she's she's out there trying, but she could definitely use uh a little bit more effort on getting the crowd energized.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_01: There we go.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um well, bring me back.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um bring me back to what I love to learn.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: What was life like growing up for you, Scott?
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_02: Um, talk about the impact that mom and dad on you mom and dad had on you now that you're a dad.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's it's that's again, just figuring out last night what this podcast was about.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's this is just a very interesting question.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_01: My my dad cheated on my mom constantly, and he moved in and out and in and out until he finally moved out in fifth grade.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_01: I my my parents did a great job of hiding all of that from me and my sister.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: I I certainly never knew any of that, and I don't know how I was naive enough when he moved in with a secretary move when he we when he moved in with her, when he moved out from us in fifth grade.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: I just literally never connected the dots until I was probably in high school.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but my mom was always a rock.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Well, my dad moved out to Glen Eagles here in Plano, Texas, and so that was right when I was starting to specialize in golf.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: So I stayed with my mom for a couple years and then moved out uh to Plano with my dad, so just basically so I could be near the golf course.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting because I don't talk to my dad anymore, so I feel like I can kind of maybe rag on him a little bit.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: I I look at my friends whose parents stayed together and you know through thick and thin, and those people are all still married with their kids, and you know, I'm 52, so we're starting to get to the point in life where lots of you know divorces are happening after 15, 20 years, whatever.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I just look back at my dad specifically, and I just don't feel like he taught me much, honestly.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't feel like I'm the best dad, as I was saying before we got started.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it is interesting how you kind of model the behavior that you've watched.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I've I've never cheated on anyone, so I'm not modeling that, but I definitely don't feel like I'm as patient as I could be, and specifically on the golf course, he was kind of a hothead, and so I was definitely kind of a hothead.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: He never was the guy that was going to correct me and be like, that's not gonna work, dude.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, just look at how frustrated you are, and this game is hard.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then I look at some of the other dads that were a little bit different with their kids on the course, and I see how they've grown as people.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And again, I feel like the point of this broadcast is probably to maybe put more pressure on dads to be a better role model because it really does matter at the end of the day.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: And I feel like that's one thing that I haven't necessarily done my best with, especially with my oldest, of just getting frustrated when I've got a joke that I say when I do my live seminars, where you know, for the first 10 years of doing this seminar, I toured the world basically telling people that teenage kids are very, very bad at making good decisions.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_01: And now that I have a 16-year-old daughter, I realize how much I've undersold that idea because it's just mind-boggling to sit back and watch someone without a prefrontal cortex make decisions and just consistently make the wrong one.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And like I say, so I've I've definitely been more frustrated with her than I should be.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, it's just hard, man.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: It is.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and I wish that um when we left the hospital with the kids that the doctor would give us a manual and saying, all right, now here's what you're gonna do uh at at age 12, at day 46, at the at the nine o'clock hour, this is gonna happen.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: You're like, okay, cool.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: And you can like we didn't get that.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_02: And so um, and someone actually said this on a recent episode too.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_02: They said, you know, it's funny you to become a driver to get your driver's license, you got to take a test, you gotta pass, you gotta pass.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_02: To get to become a fireman, you gotta take a test, to become a pilot, but to become a dad, like the most important job in the world, anybody can be one.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: And there's no call, just the qualification is, you know, do you have a Johnson?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, it's pretty shocking.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's crazy.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: It's like you never sold it.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's why, and really about to your point early early about my about this why I started this podcast.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_02: The podcast was I started because I think three of life's superpowers that people don't talk about enough are when we can um bring out humility in people, bring out vulnerability in people, and ignite curiosity in people.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I think when those three emotional skills or skill sets are present inside a culture, a family, um, wherever, I think it just allows for the best relationships to form because it really remembers, helps us remember that we always can ask more questions than than tell.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: We always can say, hey man, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_02: I need some help.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_02: Or say, you know what, yeah, I was good, but I was good because my wife or my girlfriend or my coach helped me with that.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_02: That's the only reason to do it.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: So it's just like constantly driving humility.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: So that's why I I did it.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I think the biggest key is it just takes a lot of effort.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's funny, like living a good life isn't easy, it's hard.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's I definitely I have an alarm that I don't set it every day, but I see the alarm every day where it's like you're gonna suffer one of two things, the pain of regret or the pain of discipline.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's gonna be one of those two.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like being disciplined and putting in the work to have a healthy relationship, have a healthy body, um, some goals to pursue.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: Like, that's not easy, man.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: But neither is sitting around in physical pain because you haven't taken care of your body, sitting around alone and wishing that you had someone there with you because you didn't take care of your relationships.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, it's I mean, circling back to life is suffering.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: I I've actually heard in this podcast recently where the person's like, it's not really that life is suffering, it's just that life isn't very satisfying.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And as kind of dark as a statement as that is, it's really kind of true.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: And if you sit here and keep wishing that it was more satisfying than it is, you're back to your control of the control balls.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's out of your control, and it's probably not gonna happen.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: So accepting that and again releasing that rope so you're not getting dragged around all the time is huge.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Jordan Peterson has a great way that he says this, and we're sitting down to uh again another podcast, but he's like, you know, what is it that you want out of life and what is it that you want for your kids?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, the canned answer is like, I just want to be happy.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh, really?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: You just want to be happy all the time.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Good luck with that.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, in the way he says in his Canadian accent, he's like so cynical, it's like all the time.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: Like, good luck.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's just not gonna happen.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Not gonna happen.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so if you're wishing for something that is just not gonna happen, you're just setting yourself up for frustration.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_02: Sound like a little turbulence growing up with mom and dad.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Well, dad.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what did they do for me?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: It really wasn't.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I had a great childhood.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, looking, I mean, my dad was my best friend all the way through college, through mini-tour golf, and then it probably started getting a little bit rocky in my early 30s.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: I got busy with building an electricity company that I started when I quit playing professional golf.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then honestly, when I got engaged when I was 33 or four, he got mad at me and he was like, I just can't believe you didn't come to me for advice.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I don't know why I would.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: You've never given me advice on anything.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: And to be honest, you're not the greatest at relationships, so it just literally never crossed my mind.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I probably could have phrased it a little bit softer than I did, but he got pretty mad at me, and it got, I mean, pretty rocky there, on and off for a few years until ultimately we just stopped talking.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, at some point you just got to cut bait.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: What did dad do for a job growing up?
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: He was a traveling salesman, sold uh plastic sign making equipment.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: So he was on the road, you know, 15 or more weeks a year at least.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: And did mom work or did she stay home?
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: She was stay at home until they got divorced, and then she was a travel agent back when those existed.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_01: So she she uh yeah, she she worked pretty long hours for not a whole lot of money.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: But the stay-at-home mom, hardest job in the world.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, yeah, I I really it's so interesting, you know, in this day and age, we're we're having to discuss and debate if there's a difference in biological men and women, and there they are.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: We're not gonna get into that subject here, but they are definitely wired differently and wired to be a do a better job with that than we are.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's definitely probably my biggest downfall.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: And I I feel like I get into so many like Tony Robbins style limiting beliefs, but it's like I'm definitely wired as a type A kind of overly aggressive male.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, you know, it's just hard to stuff your entire personality into a box and be coddling, whereas women have a little bit softer side on average.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, but yeah, when we look at it through our lens, it's like, you know, you played college football, you're you're probably very similar to me.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's really impressive how calm females can be in in those situations, in certain situations.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's even sometimes like when I fly, if I see a female pilot up there, I'm like, I'm a little bit more calm.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: You know, she's making some calculated decisions versus yeah, and it's maybe not gonna be like a hell's angel.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, let's see if we can do a barrel roll today, just for fun, you know.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: It's uh I just feel like I don't know, and I don't mean to be that sorry, dudes if I just air the male pilots out, but I just I don't know.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: I think sometimes I've had a couple female pilots and just I just forever.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_02: Maybe it's the the uh caring side of the women do or the more they're more empathetic usually.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um but I think I think through this journey, Scott, of having this podcast, I become more patient.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's really exposed, I think, the power of listening more.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, someone told me recently on the episode they said, remember your job is to be the dad, not the coach.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: And if we're always coaching, they're gonna resist us.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_02: Uh if they want to be coached, try to pull it out of them versus make it their idea versus us always, because they're just they're not gonna hear us.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_02: They're gonna hear us, they're not gonna listen to us.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, and that's the sports psychologist that I've worked with for, I mean, nearly 20 years at this point.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we've been talking about this a lot.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: I've got three different therapists I talk to right now for different for different things.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but he's you know, like nine for every 10 comments, nine of them need to be positive and one needs to be corrective and directive.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I just am like nine to one the other way, especially with my oldest right now.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it's just it's just very, very difficult.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: But, you know, being a little more calm, being a little more uh, you know, the idea of meditation is just to put a little bit of space between stimulus and response.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, all these things, it's it's kind of like we said before we started.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying not to sound my most hypocritical ever right here, because like the the definition of wisdom is taking your own advice.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Like, again, there's so many things where you're just like, this is so straightforward and obvious what you need to do here, but it's so difficult to do in real time.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, but but a meditation practice.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_01: It it's interesting how on the golf course I used to be a total lunatic, and I would say I'm like an enlightened Buddha on the golf course now.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: I do not get mad.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: I I can play terrible, and sure I'm frustrated, but there's no outward display of it.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: You would never know for the most part, maybe you know, in a really bad round, I'll have one little just where you can tell I'm frustrated, but I'm never just gonna scream fuck or whatever, like like I would when I was younger.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm just I mean, I would literally just scream that in you know, in the middle of a mini tour golf term, as though I'm the only person out there that matters.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but now understanding the reality of scoring and strategy through decade, I've I'm able to be calmer, but it's just like doesn't carry through into the majority, like in the majority of my personal life with again, specifically my oldest, it just doesn't carry through very well.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's just so difficult and frustrating.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um you know, but with if but in most of my other relationships, it's it it does, and it's just interesting how this one one is just challenging.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_02: As you reflect back on on your childhood, what were the what were the like the call we'll call it top two or three values that mom and dad taught you that your your hopes and maybe were a story that really further cemented those values?
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I wasn't raised religious.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: Uh the girl I've been seeing is religious, and it's not like it's a point of uh conflict, but I try to get to that same spot from a different uh direction.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so I I would say that they tried to, at least, my mom specifically tried to teach me, you know, be a good person, do unto others as you would want done unto you.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um again, it's like I say, I just I've I've thought about it more recently.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: I I would just honestly at the end of the day say my dad specifically just failed at it.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he it's not like he was an enabler of go do whatever you want to do and none of it matters.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, but I was pretty lucky, I'm pretty smart, so school was super easy, didn't have to study outside of it, and I found golf at a young age.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, Joe Rogan talks about all the time, like when people ask him, like, how did you get out of Boston?
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, you know, I found martial arts.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that at the end of the day is what he attributes the success of his life to was having something to be, oh, you know what, I'm good at this.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I would say finding golf.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a pretty good athlete.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a I'm a pretty big guy.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, obviously with my golf game fairly coordinated.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so I just got lucky that school was easy for me and I found golf, and just all of my energy just luckily went into that.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_01: But without golf, I I look back at it.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: My dad, when he moved out to the golf course, there was one other house they were looking at that was not near a golf course that we would have been members at.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it would have completely it was in like eighth grade, it would have completely changed my life if he had chosen to go there.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if it had been for the better or worse.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, maybe I would have done something else besides golf, but I would have definitely not had the same passion towards something because I was definitely never gonna be passionate about school.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so, luckily for me, having that just kind of fall in my lap at the right time, I think kept me out of a lot of trouble.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas my sister didn't really have anything like that, and so she lived a pretty troubled life until she passed away 10 years ago.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, and I had stepbrothers and sisters that were all just a train wreck because their dad was just an awful human being.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it it's it finding something that you can pour your energy into, especially as a young person, I think is probably the most important thing you can have happen to you.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_02: We actually have talked about that with a couple other dads recently.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's in, you know, I don't I've seen this a lot in youth sports, whether it's hoop or football or baseball or golf, whatever it is.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes parents, we sometimes forget that it's their journey, not ours.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_02: And we want it more than than they want it.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, that's why I and I love I've um when I find dads or buddies that are like super athletic or super a, but their kid could give two shits about sports, maybe they're like frickin' trumpet player, but the dad, you you maybe deep down you're like, ah, it'd be kind of cool if you he or she played like what I did, but like they don't ever show it.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_02: And they just are like so accepting and hey, let's find your passion and then let's frickin' go get it, dude.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and yeah, and I think that's the that's the hard part sometimes.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: I think that we all struggle with.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm glad my kids, my kids found I I'm a I'm a I always say a bipolar two or three, and my son got into golf, he now plays golf in college, and my daughter, she's a hooper.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: I sucked at both those grow sports growing up.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: I was like a probably a 15 in high school or 10.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but you know, helping him find that is what's it's kind of neat.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's cool that you found golf.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_02: Who who introduced it to your mom or your dad?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: My dad.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he was a good he was probably a scratch to plus two type player for the majority of his life.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And did you grow up in Texas?
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've lived in Plano, Texas basically my entire life.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: So now I'm in first.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: I've when not at college, I've lived within about a five-mile circle of myself my entire life.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Cowboys fan growing up?
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, until Jerry just it's it's interesting because I really don't watch any sports.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_01: I say this all the time on TV that I don't watch any golf.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't think people really believe me.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: But when I was at Texas AM, it's funny because watching the game this weekend, after I just said I don't watch any sports, I am trying to bandwagon the Aggies right now.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: But they were talking about that this was the first time they've been ranked in the top five since 1995, which was when I was in college, and they just every year looked like they were going to be in contention for something, and then we're just like 8-11, or 8-3 rather, or something like that.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, so good, but so I kind of got worn out with putting energy in.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: When Mark Cuban first bought the Mavericks, he was just ridiculous to me.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: So I I lost interest in the Mavs.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: And then after the Cowboys went on their run watching Jerry Jones just argue with everyone, I just stopped watching sports essentially, because I've never really enjoyed basketball.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: I've I've watched hockey a little bit, but um, that was mainly because I played a lot of golf with Mike Madono and Brett Hole whenever I was in my 20s.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: So if it weren't for that, I wouldn't really care about hockey either.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_02: That's funny you say hockey.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: Hockey, I'm like a um I am new to the sport.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_02: I interviewed a guy named John Forzlin, who's our Seattle Kraken, played by a play announcer, and getting to meet him was like a it was so cool and such a nice guy.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_02: And how and now I my son's best friend, um, one of his best buddies, he plays hockey in um like the juniors.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so like we follow the kraken, and uh but yeah, super, super fun.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um super fun sport to play and watch.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: But so what what did the game of golf teach you?
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_01: It's interesting because I'm I typically don't take time to answer questions.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_01: Golf teach me I would say the number one thing is just work ethic.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, how to find something you like, and again, these are like not something you're realizing at the time.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't know if it's more of just like, well, yeah, your personality was gonna do that towards anything, but definitely just the ability to go out by yourself and and put the work in.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, just everybody sucks at everything whenever they first start.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's what a lot of people have trouble with is the idea of I'm gonna suck at this for a long time.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, and that's one thing I definitely try to teach my daughters is look, nobody's good at anything.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_01: I just laugh whenever they're like, I'm a good singer, I'm good at like, no, you're terrible at it.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I just explicitly say that, but that's okay.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_01: You're 12.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_01: If you go take some lessons or put some energy into it, you know, who knows?
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_01: The sky's the limit.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you can be good at that.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_01: Like my youngest, she's kind of like not very flexible like her dad.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's one thing she struggles with in dancing, but she puts the work into is it's like being a very solid role player in the NBA.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like she's just she's gonna show up, she's gonna be a solid dancer, she's not gonna screw the routines up, she's gonna support the team.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: And that's you know, that's her role.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_01: She's not the superstar that's gonna be out front doing uh you know hands-free cartwheels, but she works her butt off at it, and it's it's really fun to watch that.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it's again circling down to my oldest, constantly trying to say, like, let's find something you enjoy, and then let's put some effort and energy into it.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: And like I say, I'm trying to be honest so the dads at home can see like this isn't easy.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: She just doesn't care to put the work into anything, and it's that's what then really starts to frustrate me more than anything, and then it just becomes well, you need to follow your own advice here.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_01: What would you tell your your buddy that's doing the same thing here to get mad at a kid who's just like apathetic towards everything?
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, you need to find a different a different method.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's this girl that I've been seeing for for a little while now, she's really trying her hardest to be a great mom while having a non-existent ex-husband, and she sends me some of the best advice ever, and it's like, yeah, I know that, but doing it's the hard part.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_02: I mean I always tell people you're making me think of a um so like I work with sales teams and sales leaders, and I always tell people like, uh, and this I think this can relate to dads, is uh, you know, a a good a good custodian on his or her hip has keys.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_02: And and I'll and I'm like, what are those keys do?
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_02: And the easy answer is they open doors.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, that well, that's what we have to think about as dads or salespeople or business development people is if we don't ask the right question, that's never gonna unlock the right door or the right conversation or thought.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_02: And so like deep down, I I'm naive, I try to be naive as much as I can and optimistic, but like deep down, whether it's your daughter or someone else at home going through the same thing, is deep down, I believe something's in there is how do we ask the right question?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_02: How do we stay positive?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_02: How do we continue to show up to help ourselves become you know the best version of ourselves for he or she?
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_02: So you know, maybe maybe one um and how old are your kids?
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_02: Uh 19 and 17.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_02: And how do you think you've done with that?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, do you think that like I mean I'm not perfect without a doubt, Scott?
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, sure, I made a mistake, but I I mean, um I have I feel like I have a great relationship with both my kids and super communicative.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I was lucky enough to learn a curiosity-based way I ask questions called TED-based questions.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_02: I learned that when I was 41.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_02: I'm almost I'll be 50 this year.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so Ted stands-the-yeah, so it stands for tell me, explain, describe.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: So it sounds easy, but it's really, really hard.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: It takes a lot of practice.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so most people, when they ask a question, they ask two or three questions in one.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like magic.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm making a note here because I like that.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so people will come like your kid will come home from school, hey buddy, how was school?
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: What'd you do?
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, how was how was everything, Jeff?
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_02: Fine.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, well, shit, I just asked four questions.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: And usually if if what most people do in sales and business, they ask one question and then they go on to something else.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_02: Or they don't ask the second, third level question, which is where all the gold is.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so we're Ted.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, what was the D again?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me, explain, describe.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: Describe.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_02: I had decided, and I was like, I know that's not right.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_02: So the the example I give people is like, so if if you're if your daughter came home from school, you could say, Hey, how was school?
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Good.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: What'd you do?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: Right?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_02: Those are shitty questions.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_02: Those are shitty questions.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: But if we say if we use apply TED and I put a number in the question, I'd say, Hey, tell me two things.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me two two reasons.
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, tell me two things you loved about your day.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: You got nothing.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, well, tell me two reasons that made your day shitty.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_02: Well, this and that.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, tell me more about that.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: Describe what would have made that change.
• 29:15
  SPEAKER_02: If you were the principal today, tell me what you would have done differently to make school fun.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I could I could TED the shit out of people all day long.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's that's really impressive, honestly.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_02: But when you do it, it's like I learned it again, and this is what I teach younger sellers, younger leaders.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I learned this at 41 after a very successful corporate career, and I wish, I think I would have had more success if I knew TED-based questions in my 20s.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I mean, similar to that, uh so I've got a meditation practice that I'm not as religious with now as I was, you know, maybe six years ago.
• 29:48
  SPEAKER_01: I had a good six or seven year run where I was really good with it.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: But part of the reason that I've fallen off with it is experimenting with mushrooms and not like, hey, we're going to a Grateful Dead concert, but just two or three times a year, we're going to.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: Take this, and we're gonna sit down, we're gonna journal, we're gonna think, and everything else.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I've said this a number of times, and I actually mean it.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_01: If you could have go back and tell your 20-year-old self one thing, you can and I literally would that's what I would tell myself to do is do some mushrooms and learn to meditate.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: And if you'd said, like, well, you could give yourself the next 30 Super Bowl winners, which so you're gonna have infinite money or do mushrooms, it would be do to do mushrooms and learn how to slow your thinking and and kind of live in that meditative state.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because without that, like my life has been far more difficult than it needed to be simply because of being too reactive and too reactive with like an intense emotions and learning how to again, it's it's just frustrating because with it with my 16-year-old, she's the only person that I'm not capable of doing it with very well.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's just an instant trigger anytime for both of us.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Anytime something's a little bit off, and it's just interesting how difficult it is.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever journaled why to try to find out like what's what's the trigger that does it for you?
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's just a million things, unfortunately.
• 31:10
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there's just so my wife and I's marriage wasn't necessarily going great.
• 31:17
  SPEAKER_01: And then the my sister that I alluded to that died 10 years ago, you may or may not know the story, but she was in a double murder suicide with her son.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um her son was undercut in a basketball game, and then so he had a massive concussion, and then about five months later, he had a second concussion, and the doctors constantly were treating um concussion protocol, and I was taking him out once or twice a week to go walking in this nature preserve and like just trying to help him, and you could just see him, he was six foot two, his dad played strong safety for Arizona.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, this kid was a jacked athlete, and just over the course of you know 15 months now, uh he just dwindled away to nothing.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_01: And I finally told the the doctor, I'm like, you're treating the wrong thing here.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: This kid's had a schizophrenic break.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like, he's the most apathetic human I've ever seen.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_01: He he winds up, again, in April of 2016, killing himself, his brother, and his mom, my sister.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_01: Jesus.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_01: And now I've kind of distracted myself.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: Where were we starting on that?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_01: I've literally distracted myself telling that story.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_01: We're about triggers of why if you if you know like what triggers your so my oldest was born in 2009.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: That happened when she was seven years old.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_01: And as you can imagine, it was just two or three years of just wheels off trying to, you know, keep a family together.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and and you know, there was a lot more to it with my ex that I won't get into.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_01: But it was just a real I just look back at this kid and I feel sorry for her because like the first few years were good, but you don't really remember those.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_01: And then she had a two-year, three-year period where mom and dad are getting divorced and it's completely wheels off.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: Then you have COVID, like it's just been a pretty tough go.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm there's just a number of things about her, without being too blamey, that are things I've just been saying forever.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, we need to be off her phone list, we need to do like, and nobody ever listens to anything that I say.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_01: Her mom's extraordinarily enabling, and so it's just like I'm probably more frustrated with mom than I am with her, and I wind up probably taking it out on her because if I did anything to mom, she's just she's got she's borderline personality disorder, and she would just shut down and not talk to me for months, which I feel is worse than anything.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_01: Having parents that can't be in the same room or anything just makes everything uncomfortable.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_01: So unfortunately, it probably is more triggering, and it's interesting because I've never really thought about it that way, but it probably is more mom that triggers me because of so many of the things I see my oldest not doing correctly.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_01: I pretty much blame on mom being codependent on her.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_02: That's the hard part.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I love about Ted.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: It's like Ted always gives us the chance to go back and and meet people where they are.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_02: And sometimes if I it's kind of like in like a sales pipeline when you're when if the if the deal's not closing, we can try to convince ourselves it's gonna close, or we can try to convince the client to buy.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_02: But we we haven't, and I and someone taught me that I love this device because everything is wonder in discovery.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_02: I think the same things in our relationships.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_02: If something's not happening, it's well, what what quite where can we meet people?
• 34:20
  SPEAKER_02: And um, even when we don't want to look introspectively, like sometimes that's the most powerful thing we can do is say, and you meet someone where they are, and and I'm just as I'm thinking through this, I just like even though I don't know you, and I'm if I cross the line by saying this, I apologize, but I'm trying to help here.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's like, what if you said, like, you know, um, hey, uh tell me have you ever thought like how much the passing of ant had you on you?
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_02: Or describe like if you think back on COVID, honey, to tell me tell me two things that have made it so hard for you now.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_02: And like we've like we've we've done that with our kids, and even like last night with my daughter who said something with you know, a sport she once played and talked about a coach she once had, and we knew that there was not quite right the right fit, but even just getting her to open up and talk about it, it was like, and then when they do those moments, that's where I've found through this like TED framework I learned.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_02: Shout out to John Kaplan who taught me that, is um just diving in on it deeper.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_02: And it that's the hard I mean, the hardest shit I always tell people too like if you want to get good at selling, talk to kids.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_02: They're hard, they're the hardest people ever to get to get to open up.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you know.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_02: Um what uh I don't want to spend too much time.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: I know I thank you for opening up, man.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: And and I hope that there's a data home that if if you've heard Scott and me talk about um just life, it's it it it we all got shit, everybody, and we all got difficult things, and and no one's life's perfect.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: And he talked about Jordan earlier.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um yeah, we all want to be happy, but it's not that's not reality.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, but we can but we can do something about it, which is the hard part.
• 35:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it just it really is.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: Again, understanding that you can take a little bit of control in your life because also then I subscribe to Sam Harris's belief of we don't have free will.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so understanding like for the dads listening, like somehow this podcast got put in front of you, but you didn't do that on your own volition.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's it's it's a it's a weird nuance of an idea.
• 36:26
  SPEAKER_01: So giving yourself a little bit of grace of you know, you're searching out the answers that you know you don't have, but also that comes down quite often to something in your psyche or just genetic makeup that allows you to do that.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, watching my two daughters have theoretically the same genetic makeup, but they are just polar opposites in almost everything.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, it's just it's just very, very difficult.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and I and as much, I appreciate the vulnerability you shared.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_02: I I I like to do that too, Scott.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_02: On just as the host, sometimes if I can air my own self out, throw myself under the bus, and um, you know, it sometimes it just creates a little bit more authentic connection to people that shit.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm working on this thing too, and I can be super impatient at times or I can overreact at times.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_02: And then, but then I've learned quickly though, to instead of sitting on it for a week and pretending it's not gonna go away, just face ahead on and like you say, God, dad was a douche.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, guys, or dad was a dipshit, or honey, I was I hate when I get like that.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: That's just my bad.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_01: And as hard as those days are that takes a lot of insight to be able to do.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's one thing talking with the one therapist that I talked with last week.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: She's she's like, you're on the right path because most people aren't even asking these questions in the first place.
• 37:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's I mean, if you're listening to a dad podcast, it's probably because you're recognizing how difficult it is, but then to give yourself the leeway of you know, it's it's never over till it's over.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're not dead, then it's not over yet.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so you just keep on keep on getting up and trying again, and you're gonna make mistakes.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the one thing that I try to tell my kids is look, man, you're gonna screw up a lot of stuff.
• 38:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna screw up a lot of stuff as you're certainly learning I'm not perfect, and uh, you know, let's just keep on trying.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: What else can you do?
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I think there's a lot of gold in that, Scott.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_02: What you how you just said that like you're giving them you're giving yourself grace, which is gold, you're giving your kids grace, which is gold.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_02: You're you're teaching them that no one's perfect.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_02: And I think that that type of mindset is definitely more growth mindset focused than fixed.
• 38:36
  SPEAKER_01: There's no doubt about that.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, and that's what young kids just with everything with social media and just everything, it's just I think it's just such a such a difficult time to be young right now, and as a parent trying to understand that.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if there's any one thing, if you're a dad with young kids at home, I if there's any one thing that I would tell my younger self again on you know, my new dad self is keep your kids off of devices, be the last one to allow them to have a phone or social media or whatever.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: I just it's just so obvious and straightforward, it's ridiculous.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: I mean I I I laugh, you know, at smokers.
• 39:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, really, you needed science to tell you this was a bad idea.
• 39:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I do believe that in probably as little as 10 years, and for sure in 20 years, it will be patently obvious that giving phones to kids is dumber than smoking.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: Giving phones to kids at a young age is probably the dumbest mistake the human species has ever made in its existence and could potentially be what its ultimate downfall is.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I I really believe that too.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_01: I try not to be too nihilistic, but I I I think we've passed peak civilization because the idea is like AI is gonna make every life great and all this stuff.
• 39:51
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, moving forward, I mean, maybe, but without something to do and something to apply yourself towards, it's gonna be a whole bunch of unsatisfied people seeking nothing but hedonistic uh pleasure because what else is there?
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's a big, big problem.
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I again, I just watch my oldest specifically, and now my ex has let my youngest get Instagram, um, which is just like really, we're just gonna start this loop right over and and just do this again.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's really, really bizarre.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: But when I watch what my young my oldest is doing on Snapchat, if she doesn't know I'm standing behind her, it is just literally nothing.
• 40:31
  SPEAKER_01: It is 30 minutes of just nothing.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: And even like scrolling Instagram reels, at least there's an occasionally funny thing.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: But like what they're doing on Snapchat, it's like they just send each other pictures of their foreheads and just like a like it's just literally nothing.
• 40:45
  SPEAKER_01: And they are just rewiring their brains for these little dopamine hits, and it's a bad path, man.
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know what's funny?
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_02: I thousand percent agree with you.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_02: Have you heard of have you read the or watched the documentary?
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's called Social Dilemma.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_02: Mm-hmm.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's powerful.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_02: Powerful.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, there's people that worked at these companies, big Facebook, Instagram, all these companies are like essentially saying the exact same thing you're saying.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, everybody.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: My name's Craig Coe, and I'm the senior vice president of relationship management for Beeline.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: For more than 20 years, we've been helping Fortune 1000 companies drive a competitive advantage with their external workforce.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, Beeline's history of first-to-market innovations has become today's industry standards.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_00: I get asked all the time, what did Casey do for your organization?
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I say this, it's simple.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_00: The guy Flat Out gets it, relationships matter.
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_00: His down-to-earth presentation, his real-world experience apply to every area of our business.
• 41:42
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, his book, Win the Relationship and Not the Deal, has become required reading for all new members of the Global Relationship Management Team.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you'd like to know more about me or about Beeline, please reach out to me on LinkedIn.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know Casey Jacks, go to casejaycox.com and learn more about how he can help your organization.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now, let's get back to today's episode.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's funny about Snapchat though.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_02: So, like I said, I have a 19-year-old in college.
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_02: When he let I had a guy interviewed in season three before my son went to college, I said some kind of sarcastic Snapchat Snapchat joke.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, You should get on it.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_02: I go, I'm four at the time I was 48.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm 48.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna get on Snapchat, bro.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, Do you want to keep in touch with your kid?
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_02: I go, Yeah, I'll text him.
• 42:28
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, he won't text you back.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_02: Watch.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yeah, you will.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_02: He goes, just saying, get on Snapchat.
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, and so then that summer we were on the East Coast, and me, it was me, my son Ryder, and his girlfriend.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, somehow it got brought up.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, hey, can you guys teach me Snapchat?
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_02: And they're like, sure.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, what the hell?
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_02: And then I learned about a snap streak.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I tell you, Scott, I have a different relationship with my son because of Snapchat, which is I I would have never in a thousand years told you told you that five years ago.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'd be like, what come on, man?
• 43:03
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm not.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: But he it's sometimes it's easier just to text.
• 43:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm texting, but it's through Snapchat.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_02: And uh I don't know why, but for me and him, it and you know, sometimes I'll when I'm taking a dog for a walk in the morning, I'll I'll take a picture of her and I'll just send it to him just so he like makes him smile.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like I I've learned because I was like very close-minded to what Snapchat would be, but now I've my use cases and keeping in touch with a college kid where we were super sad when he left home, you know.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, it's interesting because then it's just a cost-benefit analysis of it's great for your relationship with him, but is it great for him overall?
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: And to your point of what these tech CEOs do, I mean, I stayed with a PGA tour player, it's not hard to figure out who it is, PJ tour player whose dad's a billionaire from the tech world, and they did not allow computers, like even me as a guest in the house, it's like if you're gonna use your laptop or your phone, you're gonna use it right here at this kitchen island.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's the only place they're allowed in the house.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, they they I just thought it was absolutely incredible.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I literally asked the dad for some advice, and that's just basically what he told me is just a hundred percent keep them away from that stuff.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_01: I look at like like Decade is a course management program that has a stats portal with it, and there's some other great options out there for stats.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, no one else teaches course management, but I just look at it and I always kind of joke, I'm like, we're so outmatched because these are actual Silicon Valley companies that could be selling sewing machines stuff as easily as they are selling golf statistics.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_01: And we're just totally outmatched.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then if you look at like Facebook and Instagram, Snapchat, all these people, they know everything about you.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not like some government corporate conspiracy theorist either.
• 44:56
  SPEAKER_01: They just literally know everything about you more than we think.
• 45:10
  unknown: All right.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_02: Well, perfect segue of a decade.
• 45:13
  SPEAKER_02: So walk me through um uh why you started it, when was the epiphany moment, and and how can we learn more about it?
• 45:21
  SPEAKER_01: So when I played professional golf again, I was just kind of a lunatic.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_01: I used to travel Chad Campbell and Chris Riley to future rider cuppers, and I always wanted to play practice.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, I feel like I'm as good as these guys, but my results aren't anywhere close to Chad's specifically.
• 45:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he was so good it was ridiculous.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I won a couple times.
• 45:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, like, I was I was good, but I just couldn't figure it out.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_01: And in hindsight, rather than thinking I need to get better with my wedges, I should have been thinking maybe I could play a little bit smarter with my wedges, stop making stupid bogeys, but I just never figured it out until I quit playing golf uh when I was like 28, I guess, start an electricity company, but at the same time, I started playing a lot of poker.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_01: And just the math of poker started to make some golf strategy make sense to me.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_01: But more than anything, if you get tilted while you're playing poker, you're just going to lose all of your money if you if you're making emotional mad decisions.
• 46:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that more than anything, I entered Cornferry Q school kind of as a joke in 2008.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_01: I was I was playing pretty good golf, and I was talking to one of my buddies that summer.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm I'm 35, I'm you know, seven years removed from professional golf.
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I told him at dinner, I was like, I'm a better player now than I was when I was playing full time in my 20s.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_01: And he was like, Why is that?
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's like I just understand strategy better, but more than anything, I understand the mental side of the game more because of poker.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, entered Cornferry Q school as a 35-year-old amateur, was I'm still the oldest amateur by 10 years to make it to the final stage of PGA tour qualifying.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, it was actually really funny when I got through at second stage.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I went up to the to the on-site rules uh tournament director and I was like, hey, I'm an amateur and made it to finals.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what do I need to do?
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, Oh, interesting, congratulations.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_01: And he called the PGA Tour headquarters and he's like, Hey, we had an amateur make it through to final stage.
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: He's just got some questions.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it hear a little pause, he's like, No, he doesn't look like he's in college.
• 47:17
  SPEAKER_01: So the obvious question on the other side was, oh, cool, what college does he play for?
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, no, this is some old dude that did it.
• 47:24
  SPEAKER_01: Anyways, now fast forward to 2010, and that's when Strokes Gain Putting came out.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I've used to contribute a lot to an online poker forum called 2 Plus Two, and there's a golf sub forum.
• 47:34
  SPEAKER_01: And it's really interesting because you can go back and read all of the articles, all the posts and everything is still there where you can see me, and there's the director of the Kansas City Chiefs Analytics, Toronto Raptors, like there's like seven of us in there before they all had that job, and you can see us hashing out these ideas.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_01: And then in 2013, when the full strokes gained, you know, catalog was released.
• 47:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was just like, well, if I know the resulting expectation, you know, the strokes to hold out from any given area on the golf course, and I know how big shot patterns are.
• 48:03
  SPEAKER_01: Chris Como is one of my best friends who I've worked with on my golf game forever.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um I can solve strategy just by combining these two data sets.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_01: And what's actually really funny, I mean, Como obviously wound up being Tigers coach, uh, you know, a number of PGA tour players right now.
• 48:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's funny, we met in an underground poker room here in Dallas.
• 48:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like two dudes that were gonna, he changed the whole biomechanics side of golf, and I kind of changed the whole strategy side of golf, uh, met in an underground poker room and kind of worked on all these ideas together.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so 2014 comes around, and I'll I'll button this up.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_01: But Zalatoris, Will Zalatoris, was just a junior golfer at my home course.
• 48:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I had Cornferry status in 2009, this is actually, I promise I'll button this up, but no, this is great, man.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_01: Keep going.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_01: When they moved to Dallas from San Francisco, I sold electricity to the Galleria Mall and had for seven or eight years at that point.
• 48:56
  SPEAKER_01: His dad got transferred to Dallas to be the asset manager of the Galleria Mall.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_01: He calls me in, which basically means I'm gonna get fired because he's gonna go with the person that he uses.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I just happen to have on a bentry logo uh the country club that we were at.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, Oh, do you play golf?
• 49:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Well, this is my only chance.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Yeah, club championship, you know, four times and played on the Corn Ferry tour, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like, I've got a son that is just incredible.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_01: You won't believe we've got to get out and play because that's where we're gonna join.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, Oh, cool.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_01: How old is he?
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, nine.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, oh yeah, I'm sure he's amazing.
• 49:28
  SPEAKER_01: Zalatorce's swing looked exactly like it does now when he was nine years old.
• 49:32
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he's just been able to put the middle of the club face on the golf ball since he was born.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so then in 2014, after I did all this work, 2013-14, I had a quarter zone shot in my right elbow the week before the Texas amateur, and the guy paralyzed my arm.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_01: Obviously, it came back, so yay.
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_01: But I called Will, and the doctor's like, dude, you shouldn't play for a couple months while you let the swelling and everything go down in there.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, I just literally did six months of work on this project for my own game, and it's amazing looking back at it.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I called Will and I'm like, let me caddy for you next week.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and just we we met and I was like, just do everything I tell you to do.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_01: And at the time he'd never won more than a high school golf tournament.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_01: He wins the Texas Amateur by four, and then I went down and caddied for him the next month when he won the U.S.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_01: Junior, and so he was kind of a perfect test case, obviously.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 50:22
  SPEAKER_01: And at the uh the US Junior, the SMU head coach who I've known since college golf asked me if I would come teach it to Bryson.
• 50:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so I taught it to Bryson in February of 2015, three months before he won the NCAA's in U.S.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: Amateur.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_01: So my first two students are Zalatoris and De Chambeau.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_01: We've heard of them.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then at some point it's just a self-fulfilling prophecy of like, this stuff works.
• 50:44
  SPEAKER_01: But again, at the end of the day, kids just don't have a functioning brain.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, they're they're it's not that they're dumb, they're just literally incapable of making good decisions.
• 50:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so, decade what it does is just give you a very simple process of choosing the correct approach shot target more than anything, but then a very simple way to derive the correct shot strategy, the correct club off the T and where your T shot pattern would be.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, at this point, I've worked with nearly half of the PGA tour, specifically everybody under the age of about 30 or 32 has gone through the decade program in some capacity.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_01: Uh yeah, so it's been it's been pretty fun.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you know, it's funny since Scheffler's from Dallas, he's actually the only guy that I would say before, like, Scheffler's the only one I haven't worked with, but I did work with Ted Scott for five years while he was with Bubba.
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so when Ted got the bag, I was like, dude, I think Scotty makes some bad decisions out there and some uncommitted emotional decisions.
• 51:37
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're what he needs if you can just get him to buy in.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_01: And obviously the rest is history for Scotty.
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 51:45
  SPEAKER_02: What is there a is there a a golfer at home that's is there a golfer that decades not good for, or is it good for anybody?
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, realistically, the people who I expect to be able to use the full strategy, uh single digits and better.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we've got different ways we teach each person.
• 52:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but I still say as a joke, like a 15, if you want to get better, you're gonna have to learn this information eventually.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_01: And the way I kind of explain that is when I I've had high blood pressure for a while after having COVID for the first time.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_01: My blood pressure, it could be 200 over 120 or 80 over 60 when I wake up.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_01: It could have just been anything for months.
• 52:25
  SPEAKER_01: So I did a lot of blood work, 20 different uh uh tests with cardiologists, God knows how many Peter Tia podcast, and I'm I've gone from an 18 cardiologist, 18 handicap, to a scratch.
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_01: You still wouldn't want me operating on you, but if you gave me your blood work, I could tell you what meds to use.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_01: I could tweak them after that if something didn't work correctly or gave you uh some pain or something like that.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_01: And that's what decade theoretically would do for an 18 handicap is tell you this is the information you need to learn, and then some tips and drills to get you going in the right direction.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then as you start tracking some of your statistics, the the program drills in really deep on where you specifically are making mistakes and losing shots.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, the the joke is just if you feel like you should have shot lower every time you play, you're either not as good as you think you are, or you made mental and strategic mistakes.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and it's probably a little bit of both.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's just this guy at my home club last week, he shot his best round ever by three shots.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_01: And the first thing he tells me, like, and dude, I missed a five-foot putt and a six-foot putt.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, I bet you made something else.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_01: Which is comical that this guy just broke his personal best by three, shot 77, never broke an 80 before, and does it by shooting 77?
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_01: And the first thing he's telling me is the stuff that he could have done better.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_01: We are all just clinically insane that play this game.
• 53:49
  SPEAKER_01: And again, rather than just succumbing to it, turning those, turning that into a positive and learning how to deal with it is the goal.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_02: What's the best way, Scott, people can can learn about decade?
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_02: Where where should we send them?
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_01: Just decade.golf.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm decade underscore golf, I think, on Instagram.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_01: But at this point, if you just search Scott Fawcett or search decade golf, you're gonna find everything you could possibly need.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_02: We will make sure this is linked in the show notes to make sure everybody can uh can learn more about it.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_02: And I hope everybody, you know, uh Scott, I appreciate you just being you know vulnerable and and honest and realizing that you know, whether you're the a bus driver or you're the founder of an amazing golf system that's helping the PGA tour, like we're all dads and we're all at times struggling, we're all trying to be our best, we're all trying to get better.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I think you did a really, really good job of just like helping us remember that we're all on the fight together.
• 54:41
  SPEAKER_02: So I hope that hope that our conversation helps a dad at home or or a mom.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know if you explained the Ted questions very often or not, but hopefully I drug some information out of you that you don't uh talk about a whole lot because I mean I also I mean it's just it's just difficult, man.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, and we all have, I mean, I've got a lot of friends who tell me, like, I just can't believe what all you've been through with your sister and ex and just everything.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you keep going?
• 55:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what's the alternative?
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you just have to kind of keep on plugging along.
• 55:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so I don't know if I had the best dad advice, but hopefully everybody can see we're all in this fight together and uh all you can do is keep on trying.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, and I think that the goal of these conversations means I don't want to, I don't want, I'm not giving advice because I'm not, I I'm looking, you know, if I can share experiences that help people, then if people take that as advice, great.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_02: But I think like to you kind of summarize it perfectly.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_02: It's like I want to I wanted to create this podcast so we all learn from each other.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_02: And if there's and just there's always someone going through something that we've all been through.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_02: And if that if that helps connect, you know, and when I learned, like, and I'm glad that you Ted questions and I hope it gotta keep keep in touch.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_02: If it does, um, that'd be great to to share that um that success story with a guy that taught me that.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_02: Um so uh okay, last question.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_02: If you were to summarize everything we've talked about today, Scott, that would that we could like put into advice or like a summary of this episode for dads that he could take from this episode from this conversation that he could apply like three things that he could work on to become that best quarterback or leader of leader of his home.
• 56:11
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_01: I I don't know about three things, but if there's any one thing that I really hope to bring to the masses and to scale is to start a meditation practice.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I recommend Sam Harris's Waking Up app.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: I, you know, if if money's tight, it's a it's a hundred bucks.
• 56:29
  SPEAKER_01: If you got a hundred bucks a year, pay the man.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't, you can literally Google Waking Up Scholarship and they will give it to you for free.
• 56:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's absolutely incredible.
• 56:38
  SPEAKER_01: But when I failed at meditating, I you know, I tried it when I was younger.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_01: We we all used to think honestly that Tiger was playing golf hypnotized because he kind of looked like it.
• 56:48
  SPEAKER_01: But like literally, we thought, you know, professional golfers, he was playing golf like Pocket Watch, uh, Carnival hypnotized.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_01: In hindsight, he was playing golf in a deep meditative state.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_01: And understanding that you don't have to be yanked around by your thoughts and emotions, even though we all still do.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_01: The goal is not to have no thoughts.
• 57:09
  SPEAKER_01: The goal is to be able to recognize your recurring and ruminating thought patterns before you just dwell on them for minutes, days, or weeks.
• 57:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's a lot of us that you're just thinking without even realizing you're thinking.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_01: And if anyone watches Sam Harris, you just realize I'm quoting him exactly here, but it really is a powerful thing because he's got a funny way that he phrases it where he's like, if if someone came in to you into your house and just followed you around narrating your thoughts to yourself, you would kill them in under 10 minutes.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's just the the only difference between us and a schizophrenic is a schizophrenic like we have the the at least the knowledge to keep our mouth shut and not say it all out loud.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that's about the only difference because we all have these crazy thought patterns.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_01: So being able to not become identified with them and just recognize this is a thought, but it is a skill.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_01: And to when I talk about mushrooms, that's the main thing that that showed me was like, oh, I'm kind of missing the boat on this.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_01: There really is a way to slow all of this thought process down.
• 58:10
  SPEAKER_01: The wrong thoughts are still going to come into your head.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_01: You just are going to try to put a little space between them and reacting to them.
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I like I say, Emma, if you're listening to this, I realize I'm being completely hypocritical here.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'm trying my hardest with it, but like it's just really difficult to do sometimes.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_01: Giving yourself grace to make those mistakes and just keep on trying is again, I just love the saying, you know, what's the alternative?
• 58:34
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, there isn't one aside from just being constantly lost in thought.
• 58:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that is a very, very, very bad way to go through life.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_02: Well, there's there's data out there on the thoughts we have, the number of thoughts we have a day.
• 58:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it's like 80 to 90,000 thoughts a day each human has, and of those thoughts, 80, 75 to 85 percent are negative.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 58:56
  SPEAKER_02: So it's like if you know that, then we got to figure out tools to get out of it.
• 58:59
  SPEAKER_02: And so, like, um, do you know the Bill Buckner story?
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_02: So you remember Bill Buckner that with the air, right?
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_02: So 19 days before that air, he was interviewed by a local Boston radio station.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_02: They asked him, I'm paraphrasing here, but they said, you know, hey, Bill, talk, I mean, talk about where you're at.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, I'm assisting, I'm having the time of my life.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_02: I've dreamt forever I'm gonna get in the World Series.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_02: But you know, I sometimes have this nightmare that I'm gonna get a ground ball hit to me between my legs to lose the World Series.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes that might happen.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_02: It's fake.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_02: And so people are like, I'm like, was he a prophet?
• 59:29
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_02: Did he predict future?
• 59:30
  SPEAKER_02: No, but he thoughts, he put it in your subconscious, and then when you let it sit there, that's why we got to get tools, whether it's meditation or whatever it is, journaling or therapy.
• 59:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like, we can't let those thoughts sit in our brain because it just allows for bad things to happen.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_01: I literally sent an email to myself last night to try to find as many interviews with Giannis.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not even gonna try to pronounce his last name, obviously, placed in the NBA for the Bucks.
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_01: Because every time I ever see anything from him on Instagram, it's just incredible.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to know more about this guy.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_01: And you talk about like what kind of values did you learn when you were younger and everything?
• 1:00:07
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I want to learn this guy's story because his interviews are absolutely incredible.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm watching this the starting five uh deal on Netflix, and and I can't remember who it was, um whichever one of the players' dads in the playoffs last year just went running up and got in his face, and they asked him afterwards.
• 1:00:27
  SPEAKER_01: He's just like, you know, I mean, I didn't know if it was a fan, I didn't realize it was his dad and anything, but I don't know what he was going through.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I'm not gonna pass judgment on him.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, Jesus, this guy just came running up and you just lost on this buzzer beater, and he's just in your face talking smack, and you're just like, Yeah, man, I mean, I'm sure whatever he's going through is hard.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, no, actually, it was just being an asshole.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_01: But it was also then interesting to watch his dad reflect on it and be like, Yeah, I was completely out of line.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_01: I just got it's like the Americans, it's like the Ryder Cup.
• 1:00:59
  SPEAKER_01: They weren't cheering for the team, they were taunting and booing the other team.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_01: There's a vast difference in the emotional state, and people like give the the American team a hard time for playing so bad.
• 1:01:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, they spent the entire first day policing the stupid stuff that the fans were bringing in.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_01: It was one of the most liked posts I've ever put up on Instagram.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, do y'all think this is helping?
• 1:01:21
  SPEAKER_01: Every one American, like, I would be mortified if I was on the US team watching this.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_02: We went did not did not represent well.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was a total joke.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_01: So, I mean, fine again, back to finding other people.
• 1:01:34
  SPEAKER_01: I am really like I'm really curious to see Giannis's entire backstory and how he got where he is because it's incredible in my opinion.
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_02: Well, Giannis, if you're a dad, come be a guest of my podcast.
• 1:01:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'll pull it out of you, brother.
• 1:01:48
  SPEAKER_01: There you go.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_01: We just set you up some clips.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_01: There we go.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_01: I told you, I told you I'd drop that in there casually.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_02: I love it.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: Last part of the podcast.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_02: This is where we I call the lightning round where I take you in, uh I'm gonna ask you random questions I have not thought about.
• 1:02:03
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna show you the hits of taking too many hits in college, not bong hits, but football hits.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_02: Uh your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can.
• 1:02:10
  SPEAKER_02: My job is to hopefully get a giggle out of you.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, true or false, you're the only eggy golfer to make uh five consecutive quads.
• 1:02:22
  SPEAKER_02: False.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_02: False.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_02: Favorite quote from Caddyshack is You know, I don't actually like Caddyshack.
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_02: What?
• 1:02:29
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know, it's very strange.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_02: Unacceptable, Scott.
• 1:02:32
  SPEAKER_01: I can't I mean I can't even come up with one.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_02: I actually on my new balls I just got, I it was I got a free logo, whatever, to put on it.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_02: So I the first I is do you take drugs, Danny?
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_02: Then blow it says every day, and then blow it says good.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_02: That's on my golf ball.
• 1:02:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'm fine with that.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean again there's a movie called Dead Solid Perfect that I think is extremely under underrepresented in in golf movies.
• 1:02:53
  SPEAKER_01: But the guy that's a tour player there in Palm Springs, and he's just had a terrible day, and his wife or girlfriend, whatever, is comes walking in, and she's just like, honey, I saw a deer dashing and darting across the fairway on the 15th hole, and he's like, fuck a deer dashing and darting across the fairway, fuck Palm Springs, fuck golf.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, yeah, that's we can relate.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's my top golf movie line.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_02: Love it.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if you were to go on vacation right now, you and the girls, where are you taking them?
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, somewhere with the Six Flags, maybe up to Cleveland.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_01: That's the one we've we didn't go on this year.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_01: We we we do a summer to either some Six Flags all around the country or a cruise or something like that.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I I I lost the vote to and then we went on a cruise this summer, but I want to go to Cleveland Six Flags because it looks incredible.
• 1:03:41
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_02: If we were to go into your phone, what would be one genre of music that might surprise the golf world?
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_02: Uh EDM and Avici type stuff.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_02: There we go.
• 1:03:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if you had to uh your dream force them, tell me who's in it.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, I'm gonna go sentimental and go with a couple buddies, Robbie Skinner and Grant Mass, and two of my best friends growing up, and then you gotta throw Tiger in there.
• 1:04:07
  SPEAKER_02: There we go.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, tell me your favorite golf course played.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_02: Augusta.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: Got it.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so lucky.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_01: I feel, I feel okay.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_01: The story on getting to play Augusta, because this then makes it terrible, is when my sister passed away, my buddy was the head pro at the Elotion Club, Warren Stevens Club in Little Rock, and he told him, My buddy had a pretty rough year.
• 1:04:32
  SPEAKER_01: Can we can you get us on out at Augusta?
• 1:04:34
  SPEAKER_01: So we went out and played and got to play with Jeff Knox, the guy who's the marker on the uh the weekends when an odd amount of guys make the cut.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_01: And the legend is so true.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_01: He hit maybe three greens that day because we played a step off the back, and he's just not long enough to get home on most of them, and he shot like one over.
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_01: And the vast majority of his chip shots from everywhere, he just hit to a foot because he knows how to use the slopes exactly like the legend of that guy is 100% accurate of being able to get it up and down from anywhere on any hole at Augusta.
• 1:05:08
  SPEAKER_01: I've never seen anything like it.
• 1:05:09
  SPEAKER_01: Do you remember what you shot?
• 1:05:11
  SPEAKER_01: Me?
• 1:05:12
  SPEAKER_01: I shot 78.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we literally played a step off the back.
• 1:05:17
  SPEAKER_01: It was November 2nd, it was cold, it was a very difficult day.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I bogeied like the first six holes.
• 1:05:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um that's right.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh my god, I do not want to shoot in the 90s at Augusta, and then I played pretty solid from there.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_02: What's the one for the golfer zone?
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_02: What's the one um the one hole that TV will never give justice?
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's supposed to be a quick answer, but 12 at Augusta is the first one that comes to mind.
• 1:05:44
  SPEAKER_01: That the green is just so narrow between the bunkers, it's insane.
• 1:05:49
  SPEAKER_01: The way it runs very sharply at a 45 degree angle from short left to long right is the opposite of what a right-handed or shot pattern normally is.
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_01: It tilts, if you if you pull a shot, the shot typically goes further than you expected.
• 1:06:02
  SPEAKER_01: If you push a shot, the shot typically goes shorter.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_01: So those left shots go longer, the right shots go shorter, gives it that tilt.
• 1:06:11
  SPEAKER_01: Augusta's greens, a lot of them tilt the other directions, which is why the Masters has been won disproportionately by left-handers more than any other tournament.
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_01: Literally, more than any other tournament on the entire PGA tour, Augusta National has been owned, air quotes, by lefties.
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because the golf course just suits a lefties game so much it's ridiculous.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_02: I don't I didn't really think about that, but that does make sense.
• 1:06:35
  SPEAKER_02: You have Bubba, you got Mickelson, Mike Weir.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_01: Bubba.
• 1:06:38
  SPEAKER_01: Uh Bubba's won twice.
• 1:06:40
  SPEAKER_01: Uh uh Bob Charles.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, there you go.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_02: Bobby Charles.
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's been won more than any other tournament tour tournament on tour by lefties.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_01: The T-shots on two, five, ten, thirteen.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_01: Historically, the new T-Box, it doesn't matter as much.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_01: All set up for a fade, which most good players that hit the ball hard fade it on average.
• 1:07:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, the golf course is just tailor-made for a lefty.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_02: Um, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 1:07:11
  SPEAKER_01: I've actually wanna write a book.
• 1:07:13
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't know what the actual story is.
• 1:07:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've got just so many, like you won't believe what happens, but I don't know what the the story is in in the uh in the vein of Mark Manson's uh The Sale Art of Not Giving a Fuck.
• 1:07:26
  SPEAKER_01: It would be what the fuck just happened.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_02: Now what I think it's a great title.
• 1:07:32
  SPEAKER_01: I just don't know what the book's about.
• 1:07:34
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's just let's say that what the fuck just happened.
• 1:07:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's now absolutely crushing it, Scott.
• 1:07:38
  SPEAKER_02: Amazon can't print enough copies, Barnes and Rubble ran out, every airport sold out.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_02: We can't get this fucker everywhere anywhere.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I need to know who is gonna star from Hollywood because now Netflix wants to make a series about you and the movie.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_02: What Hollywood actor will star you?
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think I look like anyone.
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 1:07:55
  SPEAKER_02: I like um it don't matter.
• 1:07:57
  SPEAKER_02: You gotta pick everywhere you want.
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_02: This is your chance.
• 1:07:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm about to.
• 1:08:00
  SPEAKER_01: I've I've got his name on the tip of my tongue.
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_01: He's the guy that ran over by a snowmobile, Jeremy Renner.
• 1:08:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:08:06
  SPEAKER_01: I like that guy.
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_02: There we go.
• 1:08:07
  SPEAKER_01: He's not a big I can't go with some big name guy.
• 1:08:09
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta go with a just a solid role actor.
• 1:08:13
  SPEAKER_02: There we go.
• 1:08:14
  SPEAKER_02: And this last question, last time I always asked those questions, but you said your mom is the rock before.
• 1:08:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I want to tell me two words that would describe your mom.
• 1:08:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, kind and resilient.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_02: There we go.
• 1:08:29
  SPEAKER_02: Two great lessons right there that we all dads can can apply to our life.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_02: Help our kids be more resilient, help them be more kind, help ourselves, help ourselves give ourselves grace through these up and down journeys to build resiliency, but also give ourselves grace that we're always working hard to just be that leader of our home, just showing up, doing the best we can.
• 1:08:47
  SPEAKER_02: Scott, this has been fantastic getting to know you, man.
• 1:08:49
  SPEAKER_02: Um, as a as a between a two and three, I'm intrigued to learn more and research decade golf.
• 1:08:56
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna talk to my son about it today, who's a he's a sophomore, play school in AI school.
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, shout out to Southern Oregon.
• 1:09:02
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so I'm gonna tell him about this conversation, have him do he probably already knows about Decade before I did, but um it's been great getting to know you.
• 1:09:09
  SPEAKER_02: I'll make sure that your all your socials are linked so people can follow and learn about Decade Golf, learn about your story.
• 1:09:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um but I'm really grateful for your time today.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm grateful for all listeners who continued to support us.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_02: Um thanks everybody and Scott, appreciate your time and hope our paths cross again soon.
• 1:09:24
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks for having me on.
• 1:09:25
  SPEAKER_01: You did a really good job there.
• 1:09:26
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't said that on the tail end of too many podcasts, but you did.
• 1:09:29
  SPEAKER_01: That was really impressive.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks, man.
• 1:09:30
  SPEAKER_01: Have a great day.
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_02: See you, bud.
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_02: You too.