Latest / Authentic Living / Understanding the Mental Health Needs of Kids Today with Family Development Expert, Charle Peck

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Understanding the Mental Health Needs of Kids Today with Family Development Expert, Charle Peck · Authentic Living

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  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
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  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
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  Hi, everyone.
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  It's Roxanne Derhodge.
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  Thanks again for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne.
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  Now today I have a special Yes.
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  And, Charlie, Charlie, tell me your last name because it's not on your bio, and it's escaping
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  me right off the top.
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  It's because it's from my website.
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  I'm sorry.
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  It's Charlie Peck, p e c k.
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  Peck.
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  Right.
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  Charlie Peck.
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  And I just looked at I just looked at her name on as I was sending this, but, anyway, so sorry
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  that.
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  So I gotta tell you, Charlie's got a bit of a unique background and actually Charlie had
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  reached out to me a little while back and me and my hurriedness.
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  I didn't realize and she was she's going back to school to be a therapist and we had she
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  connected around that.
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  And now she's coming on because she's done some phenomenal things since we spoke.
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  And, I thought her compliment of the things that she's doing in the world would be a good
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  space, for my listeners to kind of tune in.
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  So a bit about her.
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  She's has this passion to make the place a a world a better place, such a thing that most of
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  us that end up in the field of of social work and psych, psychology, are hoping to do.
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  And she's hosting a new podcast.
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  It's about to go live on March 3rd, she said.
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  And it's called advancing humanity making, it's making some parents, like she said, in in this,
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  March of this, a year.
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  She holds intriguing conversations with people who contribute to their quest and is willing to
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  challenge the status quo.
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  As an American living in Canada for, her worldly understanding of cultural diversity
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  allows her to have an open mind and equitable discussion around a variety of topics.
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  Her background also brings you a new perspective as a teacher and, clinicals in
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  therapist, just finishing up now and a parent of 3 boys.
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  So I'm sure that part is probably quite intriguing with, how old are they?
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  16, 96.
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  Oh, wow.
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  So you've got, quite you've got all the stages in there.
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  And, Charlie teaching and mental health training makes you an expert on helping people
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  thrive, especially in the teen years.
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  And as we know, We unfortunately are in a crisis with, our teenagers.
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  So what a what a valuable thing you're doing out there specializing with teens and she's
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  eventually hoping to blend the professions to promote healthy, lifestyle practices throughout
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  community education, again, something that we're needing.
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  Yeah.
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  So So you're an American?
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  Yes.
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  I
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  am.
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  Where did you grow up?
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  Kentucky, actually.
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  Northern Kentucky.
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  Ohio.
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  Yeah.
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  Wow.
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  So so how did you how did you end up in Canada?
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  I got married to someone I met in Mexico.
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  Believe it or
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  Okay.
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  And,
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  I ended up here, and then we got divorced, but I had a son with him.
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  So decided to stay here.
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  And then I got remarried.
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  Had 2 more children, but to another American.
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  So, yeah, every time we cross the border, they say What the heck are you doing here?
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  Okay.
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  Aren't you aren't you going the wrong way?
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  They must say at times.
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  Right?
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  Like
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  But it's fine.
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  It's a great.
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  So So I often say that all of us that end up in the field of helping have a story.
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  And I know, you know, my story I've written about in my book what what what got you
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  interested in helping people?
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  I I lost direction in my life in my early twenties, and it took me a long time to grow
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  up.
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  And so when I started teaching, I started teaching the social sciences and parenting
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  classes, and I love I love what I teach.
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  And I've always had a background with human development and child development.
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  And so I went through some hurdles and calls in my life like many people did, but I I told you
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  it I had to grow up and it took me a long time.
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  And so with all the hindsight, I realized that connection and health and reflection.
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  All of it makes sense in growing as a person and I'm constantly growing.
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  I really wanna help people get over those hurdles in a way easier way than I I did.
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  So that's my drive.
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  And then I I get to teach.
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  I get to teach every day.
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  Teenagers.
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  I love it.
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  But I just feel like there's so much more I can do outside of the classroom, and I I'd love to
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  take that perspective and the skills I have ensure it with people on a a massive scale.
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  And that's what led me to do where I am today.
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  So tell me, you're around teenagers all the time.
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  I have a teenager.
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  Like you?
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  Yes.
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  What is the world missing with teenagers today?
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  That things are going so awry.
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  Resilience is the one word answer, and I think a lot of us understand that.
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  I think what's important is we have to validate our teams as having real feelings and real
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  struggles that they're in a really unique state of life.
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  I mean, their brain is developing.
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  We know so much more about the brain, and then it doesn't finish developing until the mid
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  twenties.
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  And so that prefrontal cortex is in all the planning, all the decision making, the long
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  term consequences of their actions, all of that is still developing.
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  And so We have to under understand our role as educators and parents and support people in the
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  community of of what we can do to help them thrive.
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  So I think what we did 10 to 15 years ago is we start holding their hand a lot more.
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  And I think coupled that coupled with technology and fusing their lights so much.
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  I think we've done them a disservice.
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  And so we they don't have the proper social skills and the self regulation skills.
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  So that's where I think we're lacking.
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  So the basic things that, you know, I often say, I grew up insured in Antabago in, my mom
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  would say, okay, you guys go outside and I had 5 siblings and we would we would have
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  conflicts, we would we would have garden parties.
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  We would plant little gardens.
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  We would have, you know, and we would, like, create all these games all the time.
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  And then, you know, if in the Caribbean, you know, you had fresh fruits.
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  And so a lot of times we were, like, making up games and and connecting and and not liking
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  each other sometimes.
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  And and hurting each other and then getting back together.
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  And then, you know, so I think a lot of that taught me about, you know, connection and
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  conflict and different things and how to entertain myself, like I did my siblings,
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  right, And I often think that today, that's one of the biggest things because, unfortunately,
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  like you said, with technology, what's happening today with people actually learning
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  how to connect.
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  You see it in the classrooms.
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  Tell me what you see.
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  Tell me what you see.
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  Well, it's so complex.
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  I mean, I don't there's one answer, and I think it's so individual, but overall, they need to
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  be connected to something and some peep they need to be connected as people.
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  We all do.
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  It is human drive, a human need.
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  And so where teenagers where they're hindered these days is all their friends are online, all
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  their friends are on social media, So if they're not connected to that, those people on
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  social media, they're missing out, and that's detrimental to their growth.
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  It really is.
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  That's why there's a lot of isolation.
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  There's, like, a lot of mental health issues because of that feeling of isolation and
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  missing out.
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  It really is a thing.
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  It's very complex so.
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  I mean, it it does go beyond like they're not it's not that they can't solve problems.
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  It's that their problems are a little different and I think that we're not able to navigate
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  that with them as well because we're not in their world as much.
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  So we have to understand it better.
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  I don't know that we're always willing to.
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  I mean, we have problems with families.
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  I mean, I come from a family.
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  I'm I'm divorced.
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  You know?
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  I mean, that my sixteen year old comes from a divorce family.
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  And then my other 2 do not, and I can see the differences.
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  We talked about how you get to go out.
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  You got to go outside as kids and you had conflict and you dealt with that.
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  Well, now we're dealing with helicopter parenting.
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  It's such a blanket term.
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  I mean, it's it's really complex.
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  The feelings that we parents have involved in that and We really want the best for our kids,
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  but we don't know how to give that to them.
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  And so we feel like we growing up, like, we had to play with them and entertain them and solve
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  their problems then and so that they can have a good life.
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  But that's part of the disservice we've done is is we haven't let them solve some of their
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  conflict.
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  And it it's hurting them.
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  They're they're not understanding how to do those things themselves.
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  So the the problems are there with technology too because it's a different set of problems.
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  So they are having such different problems that us as parents, we didn't have them before.
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  Right?
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  Like, I mean, if I wanted to talk to my friends, In Trinidad, you know, I would have
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  to, like, wait to use the phone quite literally.
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  Right?
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  Like, and to make that one phone call and, you know, not be on the phone too long because my
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  parents knew what I was doing, and it couldn't be you know what I mean?
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  If it was a boy, it was even worse, all those things.
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  Right?
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  So all those basic things that maybe my parents had to worry about today, your kids are in bed
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  or you think they're in bed, They're connected.
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  They're they're talking to people all the time.
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  Oh, and these are people that they don't don't necessarily know.
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  That's true.
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  Maybe maybe I'm maybe when they're gaming types of things.
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  So it's there's a lot, like, or, like, to your a lot of complexity to things that we didn't
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  fathom when we were growing up.
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  And now we're trying to problem solve with teenagers.
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  So what in your kind of, realm with teenagers in your class or just in in in what you're
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  specializing in school, what makes it difficult for teenagers to come forward?
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  I think they they like we did.
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  I think they feel like they're not gonna be understood that we adults have no idea what
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  they're experiencing.
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  And I think they're right, and I think they're wrong.
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  I think that we don't validate them enough.
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  We need to really listen to what their true concerns are and give them credit that they're
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  actually reflecting more than we think they are and that they have capabilities more than than
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  they think they do or than I mean, one of the problems is when I teach my parenting class, I
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  always start off the course saying, did your parents mess you off or set you off?
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  And they are like, no.
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  Right.
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  And then I say, but, your parents are human beings.
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  And a lot of times, they just tell me what to do with you because a teenager is is difficult
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  in lots of ways.
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  They're trying to still need you, but they also need to navigate away from you.
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  That's very difficult for parents.
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  We don't really know unless you're educated, unless you are thrown into it like I am and do
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  the research, we don't really know what to do with them sometimes.
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  We love them, but there's a lot of conflicts.
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  And so
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  A lot of the concept resolutions come up too.
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  So I hear 2 things.
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  And, what I find fascinating is you're you're saying we're helicoptering.
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  So we wanted to help them out that much more, but at the same time, we're not validating.
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  Yes.
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  So So I'm I'm that's confusing.
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  If I I'm listening, and I I understand what you're trying to say.
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  But, really, if we're if we're If we're helicoptering, are we just doing for them
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  without asking them what they need?
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  That's right, Roxanne, because when you helicopter, and I'm not saying every parent
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  doesn't, it doesn't.
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  And I'm not saying I haven't done it, and I'm not saying that the intention isn't good.
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  It's always good.
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  I think parents 99 point actions have good intentions.
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  It's that if we're doing things for them.
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  We are not teaching them the skill, and we're not teaching them to self reflect and identify
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  their feelings.
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  And we're not then.
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  We're not validating what they're actually feeling experiencing.
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  And so if we're doing it for them, we're not talking with them.
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  We're not engaging with them enough to actually find what it is that they need to validate Does
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  that make sense?
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  Yeah.
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  Absolutely.
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  Because, you know, one would think
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  if I'm if I'm doing everything, I'm really validating, and I'm in a way I'm stifling, but
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  it kinda sounds like I'm doing it for my own needs.
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  Right?
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  So I'm whatever I went through, I'm thinking I'm just gonna soften the blow for my kid.
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  And I want to make it better, like to your point, but if their problems are a bit
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  different than say ours or mine or yours when we were teenagers, you already have to have an
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  open and reflective lens to say, oh, well, what's that like when, you know, you're at home
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  and you want to be social, but you don't know how to ask to be included.
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  Well, that's true.
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  Yeah.
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  And that is a real problem for even young kids.
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  So giving them the skills, schools are really catching on to this.
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  They're doing a good job.
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  They're teaching self regulation skills and social skills earlier, which they really need
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  to do.
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  Mhmm.
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  But I think, you know, this could be argued too that the problems aren't different, because
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  team like, you can remember being a team too.
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  You've wanted to feel included.
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  You you felt left out.
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  And if not, you felt awkward.
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  You were searching for your identity.
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  We did that too.
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  I think that maybe it just shows up a little differently in our society the way it is with
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  technology.
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  I mean, you can't argue that technology.
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  Yeah.
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  You don't have a good argument if you say technology has had no influence today because
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  it absolutely has.
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  But maybe the way the problems are showing up is different than a difference, but we can
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  understand as adults and that we know how awkward it is to be a teen and how difficult it
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  can be.
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  So there are some commonalities there that we can at least relate to.
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  So we can go back a little bit and understand that with our team and say, look, I don't
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  understand your world like you do, but can you please tell me, like, why are you feeling this
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  way?
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  What's happening right now to make you make that decision and walk with them through it?
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  You're not for them.
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  So I was just at the HRPAO conference in Toronto and, you know, I'm gonna tell you a
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  fascinating story that I heard by one of the keynotes.
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  He said, that people like Bill Gates, they did not there was a a school in Seattle where all
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  the high, ends, you know, individuals at night, you know, on the tech world.
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  The kids went there.
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  Most of most of them were not allowed to be on tech until they were thirteen years old.
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  Oh, that is fascinating.
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  Yeah.
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  Based on the addictiveness that happens with you know, being online because, again, brain
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  development and, you know, structure.
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  So I think what we're talking about here, and I don't know if you would agree.
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  It's just going back to some of the core basics of just being a parent.
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  Right?
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  Like, there's different stressors.
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  There's different influences.
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  But at the end of the day, you still have to parents, like like pretending like it was, you
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  know, back in the fifties or the forties, even though the influences have shifted.
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  You have to get back to the basics where like to your point, you have to teach your child
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  about, you know, consequences.
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  You have to teach them about bad days, good and bad decisions.
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  You have to all those basic things.
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  But I think we think that, oh, well, you know, and people are busier.
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  Like, stressed, like, stressed, you know, those types of things.
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  So people aren't just home as much.
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  So therefore, you know, the latch key kid now becomes the kid that probably is a latch key
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  plus but now they have maybe people online that could offer them that supports.
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  So there's so many different things that are variables that are impacting things.
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  Yeah.
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  It really is.
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  I mean, the technology piece, they have so much freedom with that.
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  I I struggle with that too.
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  My middle child, he's a very gifted kid.
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  He he is, and kids are all gifted in in each of their individual ways.
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  They they truly are.
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  His is computer stuff, and I he's only 9.
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  So he doesn't play sports I've tried many different activities for him.
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  He will stay active in other ways, but he loves computers.
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  And I struggle right now.
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  I'm trying to decide, well, do I let him start coding more and let them dissect computer and
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  maybe limit the screen time piece because I do know there's a lot of research showing about
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  changing grace, and then it's kind of not sure how exactly.
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  So I don't know.
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  I I don't know the answer.
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  So we gotta dive research more and and and see.
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  Right.
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  For sure.
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  For sure.
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  So resilience in today's age Is it different or does it look different?
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  It looks different.
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  That's a good question.
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  It looks different because if you talk to people who are older, and they grew up,
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  especially guys, and I I have the perspective because I have, I have 3 boys.
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  So I look at it that way a little bit when I'm parenting, but they're tough.
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  They used to be tougher because they had to be.
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  And it's not like it's it's okay to be a guy and be weak.
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  It it's not what we're saying.
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  It's it's showing vulnerability, but we're not really that tough.
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  Like, we have taught our kids that there's support support support, but I don't think
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  we've done it the right way.
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  So I think the way we're showing support is maybe not the right way.
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  So they had to be tough because they had to survive, but at the same time, we know how
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  trauma can affect people too.
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  And I think a lot of kids have experienced trauma, and that is showing up in their
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  behaviors too.
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  Yes.
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  So kids in the past, yeah, maybe they were tough and stuff, but suck it up, but they were
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  really struggling with something we should have addressed back then.
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  So we are learning but we're human.
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  So we're trying to adapt with what we have right now.
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  Mhmm.
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  It's a difficult question.
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  It's a difficult answer
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  And I think it's it's a work in progress as uh-uh other than we know that our kids are that
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  much more disconnected.
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  Maybe I I, you know, I'll I'll play devil's advocate we know more about it because we're so
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  connected now.
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  Right?
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  Yeah.
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  We weren't seeing the suicides and stuff like that.
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  You you know, in at least in my generation, We weren't seeing that many suicides.
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  Like, I know in our area here, Charlie, like, a numerous preference, you know, I was seeing a
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  client and one person soon, and I I was seeing this client, another person in that same friend
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  group also.
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  Right?
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  So again, there's a there's a that that mimicking that goes along with it also.
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  You know, which is which is so unfortunate.
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  So we have to believe that, there's so many elements, and we need to explore and understand
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  and research more about what does resilience mean in this day age and what be what things we
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  need to implement with the new stressors that are maybe are are, young adults are going
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  through.
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  Yeah.
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  I mean, we just have to identify those and we have to listen to each other.
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  We have to listen to our kids.
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  Really have to listen to our kids.
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  I mean, I can't tell you.
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  It's really shifted how I see my children when I just kind of shut my mouth and listened to
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  them and and read them and read them but we still have to be parents.
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  Like you said, get back to the basic.
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  There are some basics.
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  And trust me, I I have messed up many times.
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  But getting to the boundaries, like just settings from boundaries and clear boundaries
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  with consistency.
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  That is back to basics.
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  Like, this is what I'm gonna fight with you about every single time.
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  This, let's see.
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  You know, if I'm gonna be rigid or porous here, let's let's what's a healthy boundary.
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  So Right.
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  It's just the education, the psychoan education is so important there too for parents.
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  They're all struggling.
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  So tell me.
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  The podcast.
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  What what does the what are you bringing to the podcast world now?
• 20:05
  You know, I'm not that I'm an expert.
• 20:06
  I've I've been hacking around like the rest of podcasters out there hoping that my message is
• 20:12
  being received in in, different arenas.
• 20:15
  Tell me what was the kind of the impetus to to start this.
• 20:20
  And it sounds fascinating.
• 20:21
  Even, I I love the title.
• 20:26
  About what made you want to to to kind of create the podcast?
• 20:30
  Yeah.
• 20:31
  I've been thinking about how I can reach people on a larger scale.
• 20:35
  When I told you earlier about how I feel like I'm not done in the classroom.
• 20:39
  Right?
• 20:40
  The the classroom is great.
• 20:41
  I just feel like I need to reach more people because I get to teach about social change.
• 20:45
  I get to teach skills.
• 20:47
  I get to teach people to think about the world with new is and to to challenge what what
• 20:53
  they're going to do to make a difference.
• 20:55
  And if it needs to happen from just them or on a larger scale, so there's lots of topics I get
• 21:00
  to cover.
• 21:00
  In my classes every day, so I'm constantly researching.
• 21:04
  And I started researching quite a bit about the teen brain 10 years ago, and they had new
• 21:08
  research out.
• 21:08
  That was really capturing.
• 21:11
  And so that filtered into a lot of the lessons that I taught and prepared for.
• 21:16
  And so when I was when I teach my classes, I think What can we do to make this world a
• 21:21
  better place?
• 21:21
  It always comes back to that question.
• 21:23
  What can you do?
• 21:24
  What can I do?
• 21:25
  What can we do together?
• 21:27
  And so that's why connection, health, innovation, these are the 3 main underlying
• 21:33
  things to how we can humanity because I don't want us just to survive and get by.
• 21:38
  There's too many of us who are suffering every day, and that's not a good way to go through
• 21:42
  life.
• 21:43
  I lost my sister friend 4 a half years ago to cancer, and I get to survive.
• 21:48
  And so I'm not just gonna sit around.
• 21:50
  I'm gonna thrive in this life that I have.
• 21:52
  And I'm not gonna just show up for my kids.
• 21:54
  I wanna show up for society and myself and my family.
• 21:58
  So those are, that's my passion.
• 22:01
  I I hope it goes well.
• 22:02
  I think it will.
• 22:03
  I think so many of us wanna be a part of this conversation.
• 22:05
  So I just I wanna be a part of this conversation.
• 22:08
  I wanna share it on an asset scale.
• 22:10
  That's my goal.
• 22:11
  You know, and it it's so it's so interesting, right, because social change happens when big
• 22:16
  things go wrong.
• 22:17
  Unfortunately, and that's as a society.
• 22:19
  That's that's where the impetus for change comes, but it doesn't necessarily have to be
• 22:24
  that.
• 22:24
  We, unfortunately, we have too much evidence in the mental health field around you and I to
• 22:29
  recognize that there's a lot of need.
• 22:32
  Unfortunately, you know, say there's a, you know, might always be, like, it'd be nice that
• 22:37
  I could just close-up shop as a psychotherapist and never have that rule again.
• 22:40
  But really on, you know, because we we use our brains so much now, like you think of your day
• 22:45
  and I think of my day.
• 22:47
  And when I'm mentally tired, it's because I haven't shut off my brain.
• 22:52
  You know, you know, you you you take the downtime at night, but sometimes that you have
• 22:56
  to really make a conscious effort to really work on shutting down your brain even, you
• 23:02
  know, before it used to be easier.
• 23:04
  But now because we're I'm I'm also very connected because of my business and all those
• 23:09
  things that sometimes I have to consciously get away from all all stimuli you know, not do my
• 23:15
  audiobooks, which I think, oh, that's down time.
• 23:16
  No.
• 23:17
  That's not down.
• 23:17
  You know, just go and really, really practice the things that I teach.
• 23:23
  Right.
• 23:23
  That's hard to do, isn't it?
• 23:24
  Because you probably think of so many ways that you want to help people, and and you don't
• 23:29
  wanna stop, and that's why it's called me forward.
• 23:32
  Of course.
• 23:33
  I just, just before I was waiting for you, I, I just happened to cross a a a post and there was
• 23:39
  a picture of, Robin Williams, Kate Spade, and, the chef.
• 23:44
  What's his name?
• 23:47
  Oh, the one who's really boisterous.
• 23:50
  Right.
• 23:50
  Yes.
• 23:51
  It's gonna come back to me.
• 23:53
  But the one the one caption was they were talking about each of their personalities, and
• 23:57
  they say they were always there for everybody else.
• 24:00
  They were always put together and they always had access for life.
• 24:03
  And and the quote at the bottom says, realize that sometimes with people that you perceive as
• 24:09
  the strongest are the ones that may be needing the biggest helping hand.
• 24:13
  Oh my gosh.
• 24:13
  That is so true.
• 24:15
  You can imagine a high school We have 800 people in our high school.
• 24:19
  Yeah.
• 24:19
  And you know how the popular kids shine and they're so notable.
• 24:24
  Just notable figures in our school.
• 24:26
  Right.
• 24:27
  And so I have literally had 3 or 4 boys come to me and cry over the last several years.
• 24:36
  I I don't wanna put a time frame on it because I don't wanna sing anyone now, but I'm telling
• 24:39
  you It's been more than that, to be honest.
• 24:42
  And they come to me and they break down.
• 24:45
  And it's those kids who people think they have it all together.
• 24:48
  And so what I say to these guys is I say, Do you think that so and so has it all together
• 24:53
  all the time?
• 24:54
  And they say, yeah, look at them.
• 24:56
  They're always happy.
• 24:57
  They're always that people, they're so popular They're involved in this and that.
• 25:00
  And I said, absolutely not.
• 25:02
  They they don't.
• 25:03
  And because that frame, you know, that frame of life or that Frame of mind as a teenager is
• 25:08
  just so uniquely different.
• 25:09
  And that's why I wanna capture the teenagers and their parents.
• 25:12
  It's really important that we capture teenage.
• 25:14
  It's a triangular approach Why?
• 25:16
  Of course,
• 25:16
  you can't, you know, I often say, you know, I've had people say, okay, I'm not gonna really
• 25:20
  slow down the car.
• 25:21
  I'm gonna drop off the the preteen or the teen.
• 25:24
  And you fix him and her, and then I'll pick them up in in 60 minutes.
• 25:27
  And I go, okay.
• 25:29
  And then I see the child for a bit and And then I'm like, I also say the parents up front.
• 25:33
  So here's the deal.
• 25:36
  I cannot in isolation, treat your child.
• 25:39
  Because you are a system.
• 25:41
  And a family is a system like a, you know, a school is a system, like, So I need, you know,
• 25:49
  he or she, maybe, and we know these these terms, the IP, the, what we call the identified
• 25:54
  patient for anybody listening, not knowing what we our terms are, but really at the end of the
• 25:58
  day, oftentimes, and you know this, you would know this, Charlie, from doing the work that
• 26:02
  you do and being a teacher, the symptom generally that the child is demonstrating has
• 26:06
  to do with something, unless it's a mental health concern, But even that, if if parents
• 26:13
  are able to adapt accordingly to whatever is presenting with that child, and adapt their
• 26:20
  their situation.
• 26:21
  That child is able to land relatively well.
• 26:24
  That's right.
• 26:25
  That's right.
• 26:25
  That's why if But if you don't know, you don't know.
• 26:29
  And so if you have that education for the teachers, the parents, and the team.
• 26:36
  Now you've got everybody on board, and that's why I think there needs to be some psychoan
• 26:40
  education around trauma informed behaviors that might show up in your kid or in the classroom.
• 26:46
  And then within yourself, I mean, how what better can we do to build resiliency than to
• 26:51
  provide these teams with tools of reflection and being able to identify things going on with
• 26:55
  themselves and then the opportunity to ask for help and where to get that help.
• 27:00
  I mean, it just it's it's a it's a big approach, but I know we can get there.
• 27:03
  We just we have to step into it.
• 27:06
  And that's what I'm hoping to do.
• 27:07
  That's what I'm that's what I'm doing.
• 27:08
  No more sitting around.
• 27:09
  I'm I'm done sitting around.
• 27:11
  Well, that podcast is going March March 3rd, there's no there's no getting off that now.
• 27:16
  You've said it out loud, and I'm sure you've said it to other people, but now I've got it on
• 27:21
  video and on audio.
• 27:23
  So I think I think the biggest thing that I find is the when I have parents like that and
• 27:30
  they're not open, it's more difficult.
• 27:33
  So I have to really, really work.
• 27:34
  And sometimes the child is more motivated for change.
• 27:38
  The parents no longer to come along because the parents said, think I'm gonna judge them.
• 27:44
  Yeah.
• 27:45
  Family therapist, I always see.
• 27:47
  I I also say to my clients, look, I didn't come from an ideal upbringing.
• 27:52
  Did you?
• 27:53
  And then they look at me and they go, I said that there was lots of positives, but there was
• 27:58
  a whole lot of negatives.
• 27:59
  So I don't know about you, but all I can tell you is from all the years that I've been doing
• 28:03
  this kind of work, In 25 years, most people have come in with imperfection.
• 28:09
  There's no idea.
• 28:10
  There's no normal.
• 28:11
  And then they look at me and go, oh, okay.
• 28:14
  Yeah.
• 28:15
  Right?
• 28:15
  And then they start to open up about, you know, my parents were good parents.
• 28:20
  Financially, they took care of them.
• 28:22
  So based on how they perceived it is, well, they didn't talk to me much about much, or they
• 28:27
  didn't teach me much, they were good people.
• 28:28
  And I always say, I'm sure your parents were good people.
• 28:31
  Mhmm.
• 28:32
  And they did the best they could with what they had.
• 28:35
  Right?
• 28:35
  And now with information, right, we know that there's a different way to approach it.
• 28:39
  And then they go, oh, oh, okay.
• 28:43
  I because it's not personal, but I think sometimes people are really afraid that you
• 28:47
  they're gonna be blamed for what's happening with the child.
• 28:51
  Versus, yeah, versus recognizing that there's could be tiny shifts in that in making those
• 28:58
  shifts the child feels a little bit less pressure, those types of things, and then you
• 29:02
  can see the change.
• 29:02
  I don't know if you find that when you're doing, work with families or things like that.
• 29:07
  I really do.
• 29:09
  Because, again, it goes back to that validation.
• 29:11
  So not only the validation of what the team is feeling and what they're coming into the family
• 29:16
  with, but it's also this perspective of the parent and making them feel human too.
• 29:21
  I love to humanize each party because that way each of them can maybe feel for the other
• 29:26
  person.
• 29:26
  It's really, like, let's get out of the feelings here.
• 29:29
  Why are you resentful?
• 29:30
  Why are you feeling so angry?
• 29:32
  Bernie Brown has awesome information and research on this.
• 29:35
  Great speakers.
• 29:36
  We all know.
• 29:37
  She talks about resiliency.
• 29:39
  And being vulnerable so that we can set those boundaries and actually not be so angry and
• 29:45
  resentful anymore.
• 29:46
  It's really powerful.
• 29:48
  So I I love that part of that.
• 29:51
  So tell us
• 29:53
  a little bit more specifically about who you'd like to attract for the podcast?
• 29:58
  Like who is it?
• 29:59
  Who's your ideal audience?
• 30:01
  Like who listening Like, let's say people have some ideas for guests for you or, things like
• 30:08
  that, and they could help you out who who are you trying to get on?
• 30:13
  And what's what's the ultimate goal that you have for this podcast?
• 30:17
  Let's say we're spanning out 3 years from now.
• 30:21
  Great.
• 30:21
  Yeah.
• 30:22
  I have a
• 30:23
  I do have a visit.
• 30:24
  Okay.
• 30:24
  So tell me what it is.
• 30:26
  Yeah.
• 30:26
  Thank you.
• 30:27
  At at first, I thought I would attract attract more women, but then I realized, no.
• 30:32
  These are there's a gonna be a wide variety in the audience anybody who's an innovator, anyone
• 30:37
  who's in health care, anyone who's looking into mental health and changing the world and and
• 30:42
  away from mental health, anyone who's evolutionary.
• 30:45
  Anybody in that that could be scientifically based to see where we were as human beings,
• 30:50
  where we're going, that could be religious based.
• 30:53
  I mean, I I contacted Evan Alexander, and as you I don't know if you know what he's his book
• 30:58
  proof of heaven was amazing.
• 31:00
  And it was about he's a neuropsych neurosurgeon and went to a coma.
• 31:05
  And, you know, his his experience because not everyone will agree, but it's very capturing is
• 31:12
  that he died and he went to heaven and he came back and wrote a story about that really seems
• 31:17
  highly believable.
• 31:19
  At least to him, it's truth.
• 31:21
  And I say that because I know that there are people who discounted, but all I say is You
• 31:25
  need to read the book.
• 31:27
  You need to you need to listen to him.
• 31:28
  So I reached out to him and I get to interview him and I get to learn from that perspective.
• 31:32
  Right.
• 31:33
  And then I I also, there's a there's somebody in charge of infectious infectious diseases who
• 31:38
  I'm interviewing in a couple of weeks and we get to talk about the coronavirus.
• 31:43
  How that affects people?
• 31:44
  And is it going to be a real fit?
• 31:46
  And what kind of epidemics should we really be afraid of in the future of our lives.
• 31:51
  And then, I also interviewed someone who's an amazing doctor.
• 31:55
  I mean, he graduated high at 16 in college at, like, 19 did his My goodness.
• 32:00
  Right.
• 32:01
  He was at Johns Hopkins.
• 32:02
  He's in the forefront of a new treatment for, cancer treatment, immunotherapy, and I get
• 32:08
  stuck to him.
• 32:09
  I talked to Eva Olsen.
• 32:10
  She's a holocaust survivor, and tell me she doesn't have a great message about overcoming
• 32:14
  hatred in their society.
• 32:17
  So you can see there's a wide variety of topics I've already covered.
• 32:21
  So I'm looking for people who have merits.
• 32:25
  I I want them to have merit because I want people to to understand where they're coming
• 32:28
  from, but I want them to to be able to contribute to the conversation of How can we
• 32:33
  make this world a better place?
• 32:34
  What are you working on right now?
• 32:36
  What kind of research have you done?
• 32:38
  What are your experiences that have helped put us in a better position to do better drive as
• 32:45
  human beings.
• 32:47
  Sounds amazing.
• 32:47
  Sounds like you've already thought this through, and it's it's you know, there's a lot
• 32:52
  of podcasts out there, but when you have that passion and vision for it, you know, that's
• 32:59
  what's happens.
• 33:00
  Right?
• 33:00
  People, they they hear that.
• 33:02
  They experience it.
• 33:04
  And I think I think truly, people wanna make a difference.
• 33:08
  I think, collectively, most of us, I often say, you know, It's our duty to make the world a
• 33:17
  better place every generation that we go.
• 33:19
  Right?
• 33:20
  And we have very much capacity now.
• 33:22
  You you know, I can sit in my rec room and Niagara Falls and speak to you, you know, here
• 33:29
  somewhere in Niagara, and it could be go all over the world and make a difference.
• 33:34
  Right?
• 33:34
  And you never know whose life you're you're touching based on who you kinda have on your
• 33:39
  podcast.
• 33:40
  It's so true.
• 33:42
  I just interviewed somebody today who's a domestic violence.
• 33:46
  I say victim, but really survivor.
• 33:48
  Yeah.
• 33:48
  And I said to her, I said, our listeners are hearing you right now, and they're in a really
• 33:54
  devastating position right now, reach through that microphone, and speak to them.
• 33:59
  What what can you do for them right now?
• 34:01
  Help them out.
• 34:01
  And that is my vision.
• 34:03
  I hope that there's people driving in their car.
• 34:05
  Are are in that moment, and I can help them through it and and tease that out so that I can
• 34:10
  say, look.
• 34:11
  You are not alone.
• 34:12
  There are there's a better life out there for you.
• 34:15
  That's what I'm hoping to do.
• 34:16
  Well, I'm excited.
• 34:17
  I hope that you eventually have me on as a guest, and I'm gonna tune in and and make sure
• 34:22
  that I start listening so I can, you know, add some, value if I if or when I come on.
• 34:28
  So tell people what else you do so you're you're finishing up your graduates, studies,
• 34:35
  and, you're also, a therapist with a a local agency here in Niagara.
• 34:41
  And you also speak.
• 34:44
  Yeah.
• 34:44
  So I was, doing a lot of speaking engagements in the past, and then I had my third child, and
• 34:49
  I I wanted to really throw myself back into teaching and not be splitting too many
• 34:53
  directions that wouldn't have been fair.
• 34:55
  But now I'm in a a solid place, and I I that's that's why I went back to get my master's
• 35:01
  degree and social work so that I can have a new perspective in in get, you know, my clinical
• 35:06
  skills and one of them to be in place because I would like to couple my education background
• 35:11
  and my clinical therapy skills.
• 35:14
  And that's how I want to approach my speaking.
• 35:16
  I have a lot of stories.
• 35:17
  I have a lot of information that's research based, incredible, that I'd really wanna share.
• 35:22
  And, again, triangulation approach, especially upon speaking to parents and frontline workers
• 35:28
  who work with teams and with teams, but I also spoke into groups of on like, managing life and
• 35:34
  stress on a business level.
• 35:35
  Again, getting the message out.
• 35:37
  I have lots of directions to go with it.
• 35:38
  So that is my vision as well.
• 35:41
  Awesome.
• 35:41
  Well, it's it's a it's been a delight, interviewing you.
• 35:45
  So Thank you.
• 35:46
  Any last words of wisdom, based on of the things we're talking about or, just your vision
• 35:52
  of of things with the podcast or even, something from the perspective of Parents and
• 35:58
  and, raising children?
• 36:01
  Yes.
• 36:01
  Absolutely.
• 36:02
  One thing I've learned in my life through all of these things I've done is just have
• 36:08
  compassion for people.
• 36:10
  People are not like you.
• 36:12
  They have their own backgrounds.
• 36:14
  Try not to judge until you have the whole story, then you can make a judgment, but just
• 36:18
  try to hear them because you might be the only person hearing them at that moment.
• 36:22
  That might change their life.
• 36:25
  Awesome.
• 36:26
  Thanks so much, Charlie.
• 36:27
  So what's my what's my takeaway?
• 36:30
  My takeaway is that we all come from different upbringings and you never know, how people are
• 36:38
  gonna perceive things.
• 36:39
  So in reference to teenagers, the helicopter parents, I I guess I I I speak to you to say
• 36:48
  it's great that you have heavy intention to make things better for your kids, but stop and
• 36:51
  ask.
• 36:53
  What do you need and is what I'm doing helping you or hurting you?
• 36:56
  And if if I could change something, what would you like me to change so I can get closer to
• 37:02
  you?
• 37:03
  So if you can that's a powerful question because you're putting the the the control back
• 37:08
  into your child's arms and you'd be shocked and then just be quiet and see what comes.
• 37:14
  And you never know what valuable information you're gonna get.
• 37:17
  It may blow your mind because it may be very, very simple.
• 37:20
  It did need not be some huge epiphany, but it may be something quite simple that you could
• 37:25
  actually implement that would meet shift the dynamic.
• 37:28
  So again, thanks again for tuning in.
• 37:30
  Thanks so much, Charlie, for giving us your time.
• 37:33
  And, if you're needing any additional information on me, I'm Roxanne Derhodge, I'm a
• 37:37
  mental health and wellness specialist.
• 37:39
  And I do keynote speaking and training and coaching.
• 37:42
  Thanks a lot.
• 37:43
  We'll talk to you soon.
• 37:45
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne.
• 37:48
  Cree visit roxannedurhaj.com/blueprint.
• 38:02
  We'll see you next time.
• 38:03
  An authentic living with Roxanne.