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Revisit EP: How Mentorship Changes the Lives of At Risk Youth with Juan Avila · The Parent Whisperer

• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hello everybody, welcome back to the Parent Whisperer Podcast.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Richard Ramos, your host.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: We always are talking about parenting issues, parents on a mission.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's really about leadership.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, throughout these episodes that we've been doing now in season two, we've been on YouTube, so now all of you are able to watch and not only listen, season one was all listening.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: But now with these videos, I'm able to invite guests on.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Which part of the reason for that is I don't want you guys just to hear me talking about parents on a mission, parenting, step-parenting, blended families, all of the things that we talk about because I have been doing this a long time.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've mentioned that many times.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: I've trained I could say thousands of people.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: I've been doing this since 2007.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I've been teaching parents on a mission since 1996.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: But I started doing the Train the Trainer program in 2007.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: And since that time, it's been a great transformational period.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: And what I want you to hear today, I have a guest, a special guest, uh a good friend of mine who I wanted him to tell his story, but he was part of an early training I did, actually the first training I did inside of a jail facility.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so he's gonna talk about that and also his own personal experience because again, I want you to hear how what kind of impact is parents on emission making out there in the field.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I want to introduce you to my friend Juan Avila.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: He is the chief operating officer in Bakersfield, California for the nonprofit Garden Pathways.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: They do great work, they do mentoring work, they provide services to the community there in Bakersfield.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And Juan has been with the organization, I think close to 10 years or longer.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, Juan, thank you so much for your time.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the program.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, thank you so much for inviting me, Richard.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: I'm really excited to be here with everyone and talk a little bit about Garden Pathways experience with Parents on a Mission and even my own personal experience in my own life journey with Parents on a Mission and developing proper parent leadership skills.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so before we get into that, Juan, talk a little bit about your own journey, just kind of your background, your journey, and then how you came to parent, not parents on a mission, garden pathways, and talk about garden pathways.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: What do you guys do?
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, absolutely.
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, born and raised in Bakersfield, California, proud son of immigrant farmworking parents, both of them campesinos, both of them farm workers here in the Central Valley, from grapes to citrus.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: My dad had a sixth grade education, my mom had a third grade education.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: So for them, education was really important, how to break the cycle of poverty.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: But we also grew up in challenges.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: I grew up in a neighborhood that is high crime, high violence, high poverty, super disinvested.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: And with that, even the challenges in a family that was impacted by domestic violence and alcoholism.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so growing up seeing those things within the family.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: But by the grace of God, I was able to just be able to go through high school knowing that I had to get good grades, not knowing how to get to college, but ended up getting some support even outside of the school to finally get myself to move to Cal State Northridge and get my bachelor's degree there.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: The ultimate goal that's for my my brother and one of my daughters.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Two of my sons, one of my two sons.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: My daughter and my brother graduated from Northridge.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, right on.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: Go matadors.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, go matators.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, so I ended up going to Kelsey Northridge, and the ultimate goal for me, I wanted to go into corporate America.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to go into the entertainment industry.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I didn't know.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, that's I wanted to go and make money, become successful, and and I even told myself I will never go back to Bakersfield.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so for graduate school to save a little bit of money, I decided to move back with my parents here in Bakersfield.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And and I worked for a nonprofit that was not a great experience.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: So I told myself I will never work nonprofit, and I will I can't wait to get out of wow, dude.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: You say no, yeah, go ahead.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Things have happened with you.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And in the two years and a half that I was going to graduate school here at Cal State Bakersfield, my parents still live in the same neighborhood that I grew up in.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: And every morning that I was walking out of that house, I would look at my neighborhood and I'd look at the people there, and my heart would just break.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I would say, Man, like from the time that I left to now, it's really sad and heartbreaking.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So then I just really felt compelled, and I just really felt uh a calling that I needed to stay in Bakersfield and help rebuild my home before going anywhere else and rebuilding somebody else's home.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, oh man, I'm gonna get stuck doing service and I'm gonna get stuck here in Bakersfield.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I had an opportunity to work at a nonprofit organization called Parents on Parents On Mission.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's Parent Institute for Quality Education, also known as Pique.
• 5:41
  unknown: Oh, yeah.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's how to teach parents how the education system functions in order for them to be the educational advocates for their children.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: And so that kind of connected with my own journey as well.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: I did that for four and a half years, then had the opportunity to work at Kern Community Foundation for about a year and a half and learn about grant writing, philanthropy, and best practices for nonprofits, donor development and engagement.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And then Karen Gogh, then supervisor, recruited me to be her field rep.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: I was still, I had a desire to do direct service.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then she didn't get re-elected and she knew kind of my own purpose, wanting to transform the types of neighborhoods I grew up with.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: Karen Gogh, who is the mayor of Bakerso.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: She's the mayor of Bakerso now.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so she told me, go to Garden Pathways.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think your purpose and their mission align.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: And so met with the then executive director, Kim Elvers, who was who also founded Flood Ministries.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: And the mission of Garden Pathways is to transform lives from the inside out through loving, mentoring relationships and primarily mentoring youth and adults that have been justice impacted or coming out of incarceration.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And those that are the most impacted by community violence.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: So our gang members, usually those that are the most underserved.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And definitely this was back in 2013, and I've been with the organization ever since.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: What a journey.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: And for those of you again, I now I don't even know if I've ever mentioned this before.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I have.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: I lived in Bakersfield for nine years, and that's again where I met Karen Go as the executive director.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think she was at the time.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not, I don't remember, but I remember when I did meet her, she was working for Garden Pathways, if not the executive director.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I know Bakersfield, I know the Bakersfield community, I know what Juana's talking about.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why the services that are providing are so important and they are reaching a lot of people on.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: When I met you, how many employees did you guys have?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And where are you today?
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so we have a preschool that's always been consistent with about 25 employees working with 96 children.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: But on the mentoring side, we had eight.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: And now we're at about 60.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, yeah.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: So talk about then how we met and how you went to my first parents on a mission training for the Lairdow jail, and the staff that I was training were the staff garden pathways, and you were part of that training.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, no, absolutely.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And never and don't say that you will never come back to Baker Still, Richard, because uh it'll end up happening.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for telling me that.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: I love visiting though.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love it's a great community.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love visiting.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, so back in it was like 2012, uh, and you were the executive director of the Latino Coalition for Community Leadership.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember reaching out to figuring out how we can collaborate.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: And it was during the same time that California was going through the prison realignment process with Assembly Bill 109 because it was overcrowding in the state prisons.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so they were transferring all, they were having everybody that had one or two more years in their sentence go back to their county jails.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: And those county jails were getting impacted.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember, and it's funny how things just work out, because I remember we we applied for an AB 109 grant during that time, and we submitted a few seconds late past the deadline.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: And so they they didn't want to give any wiggle room on that.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_01: They said, Yeah, you're, I want to say it was like 29 seconds.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: And they said, Yeah, you went 29 seconds over.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's supposed to be like 11 o'clock in the morning on the dot.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's when we started connecting and and we ended up becoming partners with the Latino Coalition and started really thinking innovative ways to work with those that are about to get released.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: And in the conversation was why don't we train sheriff staff and garden pathway staff on parents on a mission?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: One so that everybody's on the same page, everybody has that same focus.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: And let's utilize parents on a mission to go inside of the jails, deliver it, and start building relationships because it's deep conversations.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: And we do have a lot of individuals that are incarcerated that are dads and moms, but even those that are not, I think it still helps them have conversations with themselves and have a better understanding of their own upbringing so that when they do become dads and moms, they can avoid some of the errors that some of our parents made.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'll never forget that that first cohort.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you went that day when we actually went inside the prison of the prison, the jail there in Bakersfield.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And the women that were with me, or if were you there?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: And they were terrified.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: They were, oh my god, we're gonna go inside the jail.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: They'd never been inside the jail and in a jail, and I was like, hey, it's gonna be okay.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just there to start teaching the curriculum, and they were there to observe.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a number of you again, I don't remember if you were part of that, but what happened was that the they brought me to teach, it was about nine or ten inmates, and they were inside like a cage, and I was outside, we were all outside, but I'm the teacher, and I'm standing on this side of the fence, and they're in there, and I just said, This isn't gonna work.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And the people that the officers that were there, I said, This isn't gonna work.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: I need to be inside there, and they're like, Oh, we don't normally do that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: So then this isn't gonna work.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: I can't stand out here and have this thing.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, but I'll never forget they were they were like, but later on they told me they were like terrified, like, oh my god, you were gonna go inside there with actually it's like, hey, these are just people, man.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: They're just people now.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I had already worked in two prisons and juvenile hall years prior, so I kind of knew the way it goes.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, I'll never forget that.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: But that's how it got started.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you did you ever facilitate classes in the jail there and learn them?
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Oh no, absolutely.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: And and part of for us, and we learned this from you too, Richard, is that as leaders, we need to also have that experience.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: We need to go through the process so that we have a full understanding and be able to support our staff when through the process as well whenever they find some barriers or some challenges.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: But no, I had the opportunity to go inside, teach these classes.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes when we would have new staff, they are nervous and scared to go inside of the jail.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: But we've been in every part of the Kern County jail in the area that's low risk, a minimum security called the farm to maximum security to the women's jail.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: And now they have the new facility called Justice, and now we're delivering parents on a mission in that facility.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: So so that we'll start there, and then I want you talk about your personal experience.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: So, what have you seen over the years?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: What have you seen the impact of parents on a mission inside the jail?
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, on so many different levels.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: I think where Garden Pathways and Parents on Emission align is that we strongly believe that everybody is born with innate greatness and unlimited potential.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: And even in Parents on Emission, it says that everybody is born with a purpose on purpose.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: And we train our staff to believe that if these individuals cannot come out into the communities inspired to reconnect with that intended purpose, then that purpose is gonna get lost because it's unique to them.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: And the world is who's gonna really suffer the consequences of that experience.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so then we become passionate about having these conversations.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, some of them are dads and some of them are moms, and it's interesting to see us go through each session, and little by little, they're connecting with that father spirit, they're connecting with that mother spirit, with that identity that was already in there.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: And then what they want to do is be the best version of themselves so that when they get out, they want to restart that relationship building with their children.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: But even those that don't have kids, as we're having these conversations, they realize they start to understand, oh, my parents, they had challenges.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, they were broken.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: Now I can have some grace and I can actually forgive them and start fresh.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so they don't carry that big huge burden on their shoulders.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I don't think a lot of people understand about a prison that 68 to 70 percent of those that are incarcerated are parents.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: And most of the time, when we think about re-entry, right away, okay, they need a job.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of work around that.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: You guys help with that as well, and they need housing, they need a place to stay because they may have been locked up for a long time.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: But there wasn't a lot of thinking about what about reconnecting with family?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times we think, oh, yeah, the mom and dad, but what if they're a mom and dad?
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: And what if they haven't been around, or maybe they've talked to their kids on the phone, maybe not, maybe they've written letters, maybe not.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: But nevertheless, there had to be that connection.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the thing I really appreciated about you guys and also the Lairlow jail personnel, that they were willing to take a chance and try this program for the purpose of that reunification with family once inmates got out of jail.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: That was the whole purpose of providing not only jobs and housing, but also a component to help them be that mom and that dad.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: No, absolutely.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_01: And it's how to start have having that self-awareness and at the different levels, right?
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Mind, spirit, soul, and physical body, and your physical being, and having a greater connection to that.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we don't transform that mindset, they can get a job, but that doesn't mean that the criminal thinking is not still there or that the self-doubt is still no longer there.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: So we want to do things like parents on a mission, the cognitive behavioral conversations.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: We want to do those things before we start because that brings hope.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: And most of these individuals are living lives of despair.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so, why talk about a job and a house when they don't even have the hope of ever having that?
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so let's bring that hope to these conversations.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I've had so many letters and testimonies from people that took the course, and I didn't teach it obviously, but we had it in every prison in Colorado until COVID.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: When COVID came, that changed everything.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: There's still people teaching it over there, but not like it was.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then you guys have been pretty consistent.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I've had so many testimonies.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I wish I could say everybody that goes through parents on a mission is transformed.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I could say that's not true.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: We know there's recidivism and things like that.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: But what we can say is that we do know there were parents that came out there and they got it together, and their families are reconciled and things are going well for them.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when I receive those kinds of testimonies, it's a really a big encouragement.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: So what I want to say to all of you listening and watching, if you want to see parents on a mission in the Larado facility in Bakersfield and throughout prisons in Colorado, there's a video on my website, Richardr Ramos.com.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Richard R, don't forget the middle initial, rramos.com.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Go there, and I think if there's a tab, I think it says media and video, you the drop-down menu will drop down, and you just click on video.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And there's a couple of videos there.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_00: One is a five-minute trailer, and the other one is a 39-minute documentary of the work that we did with Parents on a Mission and Garden Pathways is included in that in that video.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, Juan, now talk about how did Parents on a Mission impact you?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: What's been your journey since you took that training?
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think it was in 2015.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so around that time, again, it's just crazy how things align.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm always fascinated now looking back, and it's probably because I just turned 50.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm like thinking back, like, oh my goodness, that had to happen.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: That had to happen, and that had to happen in order for us to be where we're currently at.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: We were in the process of taking in four foster kids, and they were all siblings.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so my wife and I were not able to have biological children, but the youngest of these siblings was my wife's nephew, a blood nephew.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: And at first, we were just gonna take that the relative.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: But when we went to go visit, because we knew the other siblings, we went to go visit them at the at the Department of Human Services, and they had already been separated.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_01: They were three, five, six, and eleven.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: And they had already been separated.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: We asked the social worker, what is are they already separated?
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: She's like, Yes.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what's the likelihood that they will that they can all be put in the same home?
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: And her response was that's very unlikely.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: More than likely, the youngest will get placed immediately.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: The the five-year-old has some some emotional issues, he probably won't be placed right away, or he'll go from home to home.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then she said, and the oldest may end up just going into a group home.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: Group home.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and so our hearts broke, and my wife looked at me and was like, We're taking a while.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: And but again, it's like going from no kids to kids overnight, and it's during the time that we were doing the training of Parents on a Mission.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm so glad because I'm like, I don't know how to raise kids, and I'm like, and these kids are already with certain habits and behaviors, I don't know how to manage that.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_01: And Parents on a Mission really said, no, learn how to manage yourself, learn how to be aware and learn how to communicate at and emotionally and and and spiritually and mentally, learn how to communicate right with these children.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really you have other parenting programs that teach you how to manage the behavior of the kids.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: If your kid does this, then if your kid does A, then you need to do B.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_01: If your kid does C, then you need to do D.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you're trying to constantly manage behaviors, but I really love Parents Automation saying you manage yourself and you're gonna inspire the behavior that you desire.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, that's right.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And hats off to you, man, you and your wife.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, I've known your story for many years.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: And when you first told me that, I think we were having lunch somewhere, and I was like, wow, that's so huge.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm also happy to know that the lessons that we teach made an impact on you.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: And how is it uh now?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that I've ever met your wife.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: And uh how has she been learning those principles from you?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_01: We have the conversations, especially when times got rough.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_01: When it when times got really rough, it's like we would have to do a reset and then just have a conversation about, and it's funny because we would like role-play, all right, how should we approach this?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'd give her some some input from some of the stuff that we read in Parents on Parents on a Mission.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: One particular example I remember is the thing on forgiveness, and and then also for us to put our pride aside.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember the second oldest, his name is Angel.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: We thought he did something, and so we're yelling at him and we're telling him, hey, this isn't right, he shouldn't have done that.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: And he's like looking at us like, I didn't do that, that wasn't me.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, don't lie to us.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: Go to your room and think about what you did.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're like, we're so disappointed.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: And so he goes to the room, and then we end up having a conversation with some of his other siblings.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: And it turns out that it was he he was right.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't him.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: We were wrong.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so my wife's like, what are we gonna do?
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're having this conversation about forgiveness and pride.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: And at first it's like, ah, he'll get over it.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because I don't want to go out there and say I'm wrong.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so we're like, oh, he'll get over it.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: But then we're I'm having the conversation.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, no, we just wounded him, and he's probably thinking I didn't do anything, and these are the consequences that they're giving me.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had a conversation with my wife, and I said, You know what?
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: I think let me go upstairs.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: And again, with Parents is going to him, not calling him to come down to talk to me.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's now I'm going to him.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I went in there and I said, Hey Angel, you know what?
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: I just want to come in and I want to apologize.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: I was wrong.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: The moment I said I was wrong, it's like all the issues went away.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: He had the biggest smile in his face when I said when I told him I said, You were right, you didn't do this, and I just want to apologize.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm extremely sorry.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: That's never my intent.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I could have probably approached this differently.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_01: And I gave him the right.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: I said, You don't have to, you don't have to forgive me.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: And you can forgive me in your own time.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_01: But I just want you to know that I am sorry, and I'm gonna try not to jump to conclusions in the future.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: And game changer.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: The atmosphere, the relationship with my kid, like that, I'm telling you, so those are some that's an example of how we approached a lot of the situations.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, mom and dad out there.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you're listening.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: And stepmoms, stepdads, I hope you're listening, foster parents.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: That is what part of only part of what Parents on a Mission is about.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: But of course, if you've been listening to this podcast for any amount of time, you know we've talked about that and so many other things.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_00: Juan, how old is your that your son?
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: How old is he?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now so now he's 20 and he's been two years in the Navy.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I know I could go to him today and ask him if he remembers that situation, and I guarantee you he will remember it because kids never forget those kinds of things.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so important.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been in the same situation, I've had to apologize to all of my kids.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm a blended family of eight.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: I've had to apologize to all of them more than I want to admit over all the years, but that that is one of the things that if more in general in society, if more people witnessed people in authority like the president and on-down superintendents of schools, counselors, police officers, teachers, parents, if kids saw us admit when we are wrong, apologize like that, it goes so far, it's so powerful.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you have that experience, and I appreciate you sharing that.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I have trained, I Garden Pathways has been probably, I think, over the years, our most faithful partner.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_00: I've trained and still trained the staff at Garden Pathways because they they've taken it on as one of their tools on their tool belt of all the services they provide.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: And now they are not only in the jail, but they also do a youth on a mission in the juvenile hall.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: So they I've trained, I don't even know how many staff at Bakersfield.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: But Juan, talk about how that's going, how it's gone, and the impact that you've seen your staff members using that curriculum in the community, in the jail, in the juvenile hall, etc.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and if you if you were to speak with my staff, you'd hear similar stories to mine.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's not only that they ended up taking a tool and we've incorporated it into the garden pathways process because the spirit of Parents on a Mission and the Spirit of Garden Pathways are in such good synergy that it's now it's part of the Garden Pathways process.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody that's a new hire will, that's one of the trainings that they will have is Parents on a Mission.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_01: But you'll hear stories where they didn't only acquire a tool to work with individuals and help individuals develop their parenting their self as parents, but also how the impact that it has on their own lives.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_01: And you'll hear constant stories about that.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_01: Because of the work that's happened in the county jail, you're absolutely right.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Kern County Probation contacted us and said, Can you replicate that inside of the juvenile institutions?
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: And we said, we can definitely try, and we would love to.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_01: And that's when we reached out to you and said, What do you think about youth on a mission being used inside of the juvenile institutions?
• 27:03
  SPEAKER_01: And you're like, Well, let's do it, let's give it a shot.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_01: And it's been working really well because then from there, that developed into now turning kids inside of the institutions into youth on a mission mentors.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: And we're getting super creative and innovative in how we can connect with the hearts of each individual that's in custody, build relationships so that when they get out, they feel very comfortable coming through our doors and knowing that they're not going to be judged because we've already seen them several times.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_01: But it's good to see the impact.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: And yes, there's recidivism.
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: But Richard, we'll have people that that took parents on a mission when you delivered it, and finally, in the last couple of years, they've decided, you know what?
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think I do want to change my life.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: And because of that seed that was planted, they remember, okay, let's go to garden pathways.
• 27:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so when it comes to garden pathways, and they're like, I was in Parents on a Mission, it's still working here, it's still working here, and they still remember those names.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: But there's an individual like we just did the conference and we talked about how parents on a mission can also help out with in developing parent and parents leadership, how can that how that could positively impact the reduction of community violence?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I shared with you the story of Jose.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: And Jose's from northern Kern County, and he has two little kids, I want to say one and it was two and three, and then and his partner was still struggling with addiction and hanging out with the wrong crowds.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he made the decision that he wanted to change his life for his children.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: She wasn't there yet, and because she was so unhealthy, she would try to set him up, and he would realize, like, oh, she's inviting me to get assaulted.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_01: And is that's not cool.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_01: So he's like, I'm gonna take my kids and I'm moving out.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so he moved in with an uncle.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_01: And the uncle said, Yeah, you can stay with your two kids in that bedroom.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: The bedroom had a window that faced the streets, and then one day, so he was staying there, and then one day somebody did a drive-by and started shooting through the window, and he decided he grabbed his kids, went and fell to the floor, covering his children.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_01: And Jose looked out the blinds and he said he recognized the car.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: At that point, he knew who it was.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_01: And so he said, I'm right there on the floor with my two kids.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: I saw the car one and I knew who it was.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so at that point, I'm thinking, I need to get myself a piece or a gun, and I need to go and take care of that individual before he takes care of me andor my children.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: And so he was talking to me in the office, so I knew he didn't do it, and I'm like, Say, what happened?
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, Man, you guys messed me up.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_01: He goes, I remember the parents on a mission lessons, and I'm looking at my children, and I'm thinking about getting a gun, and I'm looking at my children, and I finally made the decision.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_01: I said, No, you know what?
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'd rather be a dad.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: So in that process, he got connected with that identity.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_01: That was powerful.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: He got connected with the identity as a father, as opposed to the gang member, as opposed to the violent individual, and he fell in love with that identity, and that prevented him from ongoing violence.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_01: And so he came to us and said, I need you to move me from my city so that me and my children can be safe, and I need you guys to help me with a job.
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that is such a powerful story, and we could tell stories like that on and on, not only through garden pathways, but through so many of the organizations throughout the country where we've trained, I've trained people in Guatemala, El Salvador, and Canada.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: Same story, and it's it's just powerful.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: So let me break down for those of you that are listening, listening, what we have.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so parents on a mission, if you're a mom or a dad and you just want to learn the curriculum or read the book, because you might say, Hey, I live in Montana, and there's there are no parents on a mission classes out here.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that's the reason I wrote the book.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: So on my website again, Richardrromels.com or Amazon, you can go to Amazon, but you could buy the book if you like to read.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_00: Not everybody likes to read, but if you want to read, everything we teach is in that book, Parents on a Mission, how parents can win the competition for the heart, mind, and loyalty of their children.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't like to read, but you're willing to take the course online.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have the course on my website.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: All you gotta do, go to the website, Richardrrams.com.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_00: At the top, there's a tab that says courses.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_00: Click on that, and you can take the all the classes by yourself, 15 videos.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_00: I explained everything I I teach.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's only 97.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna say only 97 because programs like that, if you could find a program like that for less than that, or you're not gonna find it.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason that I made it 97 was because I wanted to reach more people and not make it so expensive that it just doesn't fit in your budget.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: So the benefit of that is you could watch it at your own leisure.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: You could watch one video.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think any videos longer than 15 or 20 minutes.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: Most of them are 12 to 15 minutes.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: So you could watch the first three videos and then say, Oh, let's watch the rest tomorrow or next week.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can invite friends over.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you have kids that are parents.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: That's the benefit of the online program.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: So those are two options you have.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, this podcast is another way.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now, if you say, Richard, what is Juan talking about?
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: What are you talking about when you train people?
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: What I call them is parents on a mission mentors.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: So these are people that attend a three-day training, like Juan staff that he mentioned.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: They get certified in that training, and now they become teachers or mentors or fill facilitators of the curriculum.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: So they set up a class in their neighborhood or in their school or in their organization in their city, and they meet once a week for two hours, or that's up to you.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever well, I don't want to get into too much detail here.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, it's a three-day training.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: If you wanted to do that, again, go to my website and you'll find a waiting list.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you could put your name on the wait list, and then that way the next time I do a training, which will probably be in the next month or so, then you'll get notified.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that training, usually organizations send their staff, school districts, nonprofits, churches, jails, and prisons.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: They're the ones usually that send the staff, it's$6.99 per person, and the organization usually sponsors one, two, three, four, whatever.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: So that's another way if you wanted to do that.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then lastly, I just want to mention youth on a mission.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't talk about that too much, but it's the same idea.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's a curriculum I developed for young people who want to learn how to be a leader in the community ultimately.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: So Juan, they're teaching that right now in the juvenile hall there in Bakersfield, and other organizations are teaching it to their youth.
• 34:27
  SPEAKER_00: So that's again, you could go to my website, click on the tab, join the wait list, and you'll learn when the next training is.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: And finally, sorry, I said finally twice here.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: I have a bunch of free resources on my website.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: All kinds of free resources.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can download a free chapter from my book, Youth on Emission, not Youth on Emission, Parents on Emission.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_00: Parent from the margins to the mainstream, which is a book I wrote that the youth on a mission curriculum is based on that book.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_00: You can get a free chapter of that just to check it out.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I also recently wrote a book called The Art of Step Parenting, How to Blend Families Without Tearing Them Apart.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry for the long commercial, but I want all of you to understand what we're trying to do here.
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to serve as many families as we can.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_00: That book, The Art of Step Parenting Again, you can get a free chapter.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: All of it's on my website.
• 35:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to share that with you.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Juan, I can't thank you enough for your time.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I really appreciate you coming on, sharing your own personal story.
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I I really thank you for the partnership with Garden Pathways.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, same here at Richard.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_01: We appreciate your partnership.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: We appreciate everything you've done for not only Garden Pathways, but hundreds of nonprofits out in the in across the country and what you continue to do for families that need to heal.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: All right, everybody, listen.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Parent Whisperer Podcast.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Richard Romamos.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_00: Do me a favor, if you would leave a review, that would really help my podcast reach more people.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: You can subscribe, just click on the button there.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And if you have any questions, happy to answer those questions.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_00: And remember this as always parents on a mission is not for bad parents.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's for good parents who want to get better.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening.