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Imposter Syndrome · Business for Humans

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  I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach, consultant, and founder of Practica Consulting.
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  On today's episode, I unpack imposter syndrome and how it quietly drives overworking,
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  burnout, and resentment.
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  I explore the hidden link between guilt, boundaries, and self-worth,
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  and how shifting your mindset can help you show up with confidence,
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  clarity, and authenticity without constantly trying to prove yourself. Enjoy. Enjoy.
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  Today is about imposter syndrome, and something that's been coming up a lot
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  are two words, selfish and guilt.
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  And because those words and these themes have been coming up in so many sessions,
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  I want to address this and give you some tips and tools in thinking about these
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  words and these ways we show up in different ways.
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  So imposter syndrome is really that phenomenon where we show up in a situation
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  and we don't feel good enough.
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  We don't feel experienced enough. We don't feel smart enough.
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  We feel like everyone else in the space is more qualified than we are.
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  It doesn't mean any of that is true. It's just a way that we feel.
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  So we step into these situations where potentially none of that is true.
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  Potentially all of it is true.
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  But whether or not it's true or not, it affects the way we show up.
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  It affects the way we feel.
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  It affects the way we're grounded in our own confidence and in our own skill
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  set and in our own authenticity.
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  So it stops us from feeling empowered. It makes us feel less than and not good enough.
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  And so when imposter syndrome takes over, when it becomes a central point of
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  focus in our work lives, we have to fill the gap.
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  So if we don't feel good enough, if we don't feel smart enough,
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  if we don't feel experienced enough.
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  We overcompensate. We go above and beyond to prove to ourselves,
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  most of the time it's not to anyone else, but we need to prove to ourselves
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  that we are smart enough, we are gifted, we are talented, we have all the skills.
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  Instead of feeling that way, we do things to overcompensate.
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  So we might work extra hours or over deliver for clients or.
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  Not feel okay when we close our computer at the end of the day because there
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  are too many other things looming
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  we have a hard time setting priorities we just go go go go go we're in this
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  proving energy because we felt some level of imposter syndrome,
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  so we're doing all of these things to prove to ourselves that we belong wrong,
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  rather than changing the way we feel changing our thoughts changing our stories
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  we just go straight into action,
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  and so how does all of that action and all of that work we do to fill those gaps,
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  how does that relate to guilt and selfishness well here's what happens we over
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  perform we go above and beyond,
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  and then we expect that everyone else is going to do the same um.
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  So when our managers or our clients or people don't come through for us,
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  we're resentful, we're angry,
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  we expect them to show up the way we're showing up, even though we're kind of
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  killing ourselves and hurting ourselves, it's not good for us.
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  But we think well this is the way you're supposed to show up because we're protecting
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  all of the people who rely on us,
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  we're putting ourselves last so that we can fill this gap of imposter syndrome
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  we expect other people to do the same we're resentful,
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  and angry when they don't and then if we put ourselves first we feel guilt,
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  so we look at everyone else who's protecting themselves putting up boundaries,
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  closing their computer at the end of the day, we call them selfish.
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  Because we're going above and beyond. They're selfish.
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  If we were to show up in that way, we would feel guilty. Because we don't like selfish. Selfish, bad.
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  Working hard, good.
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  There's so much unwinding to do. Setting boundaries is not selfish.
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  Selfish is something else. Selfish is people never considering other people in their decisions.
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  And those decisions could be about a variety of things. So selfish means,
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  they put themselves first in
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  every situation, but not as a well-being focus, but just as an ego focus.
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  So selfish and ego go over here, taking care of yourself and well-being and
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  boundaries go over here. It's not the same.
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  There are people who are selfish and greedy and egotistical. That's not you.
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  You wouldn't be working with me if that was you. Trust me. Those people don't come into my sphere.
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  You look out for people. You care about people. You want to make impact.
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  You want to be a good leader.
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  You want to protect people. You want to advocate for them.
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  You want to show up as your true, authentic, gifted, honest self.
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  All of these qualities are who you are. You're not selfish.
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  Taking care of yourself filling your own cup, watching out for your well-being.
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  That's you not believing in the imposter syndrome.
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  So when you feel like an imposter, you go above and beyond to prove yourself.
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  You don't feel like you can let go of anything. You feel like you're going to disappoint people.
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  Other people who do do that are selfish. And if you were to do that, you would feel guilty.
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  And it all starts from this idea that I don't belong.
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  I'm not good enough. I'm not valuable enough. I don't make enough of an impact.
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  I need to work harder. I need to show people what I can do.
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  If we put all that to the side the guilt dissipates the resentment dissipates,
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  because we're showing up confident,
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  grounded in our integrity in our honesty in our clarity,
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  in our best skills and talents,
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  we show up here we know what we're good at and we know what we're not good at.
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  And we just show up honestly in this space, not trying to prove,
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  just saying, this is who I am. Take it or leave it.
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  This is what I offer. Take it or leave it. I'm enough, just as I am,
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  without doing anything extra.
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  I don't need to prove anything to you. I don't need to prove anything to myself.
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  I'm comfortable with this, with what I offer.
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  Of course, that doesn't mean there's not room for growth and improvement and
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  and all of that optimization that we're all looking at but just as i am is fine that's the work.
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  If you keep going above and beyond, and you keep overworking,
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  and you keep overgiving, and you keep over delivering, and you don't slow down,
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  you're running yourself ragged
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  over here, you're spending a lot of time feeling guilty and resentful,
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  and running yourself ragged,
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  no one else is looking out for you.
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  Your clients aren't looking out for you. Your team is not looking out for you.
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  Your partner is not looking out for you.
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  You're burning yourself to a crisp.
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  Let's just say that burn out you're burning yourself out so you're trying to
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  prove something and you're mad at everybody else who's not doing it the same way.
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  It's kind to have boundaries it's okay to tell clients,
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  this is the boundary we're so afraid of scarcity and people not valuing and
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  maybe pulling out from an engagement because we think we're not giving enough,
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  and then we give and give and give and it's not ever going to be enough because
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  if we keep giving and we're not getting paid for that level of giving,
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  what's going to happen over here we're going to be depleted we're going to be living in scarcity,
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  it's your responsibility to understand where you're overdoing over giving over
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  servicing that's on you it's no one else's job to watch your boundaries.
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  Unless you've established those boundaries really clearly and you've communicated.
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  Those boundaries, then it is someone else's responsibility to know where they are.
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  But if they don't, you have to keep reminding them.
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  Those are your boundaries, not their boundaries. They're your boundaries.
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  And if they keep violating them, you get two choices. You can let them violate
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  them, you can stop letting them violate them, or you can walk away.
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  If you feel like an imposter, it's going to be hard to have the conversations
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  you need to have to keep those boundaries firm.
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  Because if you already feel like you're not good enough, you're not valuable
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  enough, if you feel all of this scarcity in the way that you show up,
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  there's going to be scarcity over here in the way that you show up.
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  So imposter syndrome breeds all of these other behaviors,
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  when what we want to do is just get curious about how we're showing up in situations
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  so let's say we're showing up in a boardroom,
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  and we're feeling like an imposter
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  because this isn't our normal space and we're walking into this arena,
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  already feeling like we don't belong.
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  And you get to show up in whatever energy you want to show up in.
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  So you get to walk in there thinking to yourself, even if I don't belong,
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  it's still okay that I'm here.
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  It's okay that I'm just who I am. I don't need to show anybody anything else.
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  I'm just going to show up the way I show up.
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  So here's an example. And this is a little bit straying away from imposter syndrome,
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  but a little bit in just grounding into who you are and what you represent.
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  So I tend to use colorful language.
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  So in my podcast, in a YouTube video, sometimes when I'm trying to get points
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  across, I might use some colorful language.
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  And I've gotten feedback from strangers that, oh, I would really like to follow
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  your podcast or I'd really like to follow your YouTube videos,
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  but that language is just a turnoff for me.
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  So I have two choices. I can change the way I show up to accommodate them and their needs.
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  I can keep showing up the way I show up.
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  Or maybe there's some other option, I don't know.
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  But to me, it feels like I can either change the way I show up to accommodate
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  these people or just keep showing up the way I show up and then they get to choose.
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  And that's really the way I go forward. I love feedback. And I can tell you,
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  I think I've cleaned up my language a little bit since then.
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  But I also know I am who I am.
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  And I get passionate about things. And I love language. I like to use language
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  that will further ideas in the best way. And sometimes for me, it's colorful.
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  And sometimes for me, I feel like using colorful language is actually bringing
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  different people in because I loosen up.
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  And I lose that formality that we all have at work. I lose that mask.
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  And I use this language that I feel like, and I could be wrong,
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  but I feel like it sort of opens people up and makes them feel more comfortable.
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  It makes some people feel uncomfortable. So they might just not be my people.
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  And I have to be okay with that. So it's not that I don't welcome the feedback. I welcome it.
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  I think about it. It's very valid. It's great feedback. I'm happy they gave
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  it to me. I'm not rejecting the feedback.
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  But I also don't want to immediately jump to, well, if I want people to listen
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  to my podcast, I must change the way I show up.
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  I could do that. But that wouldn't be staying grounded in who I am, fundamentally.
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  I'm a colorful, informal person, and that's who I am at home,
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  and that's who I am at work.
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  I don't want to bring a level of formality because I think, for me,
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  it goes against my values.
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  I think what's important to me is building connection and community,
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  and I don't care what environment that's in. When I worked in ad agency world,
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  I would go into these big corporations and I would feel intimidated.
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  I would feel like I didn't belong because there was this level of formality,
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  and the way people dressed and this whole kind of community that I just did not feel a part of.
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  And I would get nervous going into those meetings and I would feel like an imposter
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  and then I'd do all the things over here to compensate for all those feelings.
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  And then I realized that.
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  I'm probably a breath of fresh air. I don't belong here. I'm different.
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  I'm somebody coming into this environment with a different kind of view and
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  a different kind of attitude.
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  And I can bring this level of informality to the conversation and get people
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  laughing and get people comfortable and connect with people in a different way. And that's my gift.
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  People trust me. People feel comfortable around me.
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  That's how I'm able to shift things and make change in organizations because
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  people trust me. Because I'm honest.
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  You know exactly where you stand. I'm direct. I'm not going to hold back.
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  I'm going to be kind, but I'm also not going to be dishonest.
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  I'm not going to beat around the bush.
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  So these are skills I had to develop over time, feeling grounded in that space,
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  not feeling like an imposter.
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  I may not have the same skills as other people. I may not have the same level
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  of experience or the same level of knowledge, but I bring what I bring. It's different.
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  It's not better. It's not worse. It's just who I am.
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  And I'm okay with that. And it took me a long time to get there,
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  but I have pretty much zero guilt at work. Sometimes I feel like,
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  oh, I could be showing up better or I could be showing up differently.
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  That's different than guilt.
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  I have learned how to set very strong boundaries. It wasn't easy.
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  It took time. It took practice. It took getting comfortable in that space of,
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  I know who I am. I know what I need.
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  And if I keep saying yes, and it doesn't fit, and it doesn't feel good,
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  then I'm going to have guilt and resentment and anger and all these other feelings
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  that are not feelings that I want to be propelling,
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  and using as my motivation at work.
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  I'd rather show up grounded, confident, connecting,
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  a different kind of emotional state than anger, resentment, fear, scarcity, worry,
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  which are all feelings that are going to slow me down, stop me in some cases,
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  and not help me get where I'm going.
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  So this is not to judge any way that you've showed up in the past or how things
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  have worked out for you. It's to just look at this imposter syndrome.
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  What gaps are you trying to fill when you don't feel like you're enough?
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  How do you go above and beyond? And then how do we start scaling back?
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  What are the tools we need to stop overcompensating?
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  Curiosity is a tool. Just asking yourself, do I need to do that?
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  Do I need to do that above and beyond?
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  If yes, like your reasons. Yes.
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  For the next week, I'm going to have to go above and beyond because I have a
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  proposal, a presentation, something to do, and it makes sense.
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  I'm going to go above and beyond.
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  I like my reason. Am I going above and beyond because I'm trying to prove something
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  to myself or someone else or I'm afraid that they're going to pull out of the
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  engagement if I don't over-deliver, over-deliver, over-deliver?
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  Do I like my reason for over-delivering? Not really. It's not really aligned.
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  How can I stop over-delivering?
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  Well, if you work with clients in a services relationship, you can look at your
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  original contract agreement scope of work with them and say,
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  am I working against this,
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  scope, this expectation?
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  What have I said I was going to do?
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  Am I doing that or am I doing 50% more?
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  And then it's just a conversation. Hey, A, I went back to our original agreement.
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  I realized I'm actually going over. So here's what I'm going to do.
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  Like, oh, I just realized I've been kind of over-delivering. I need to scale back.
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  Our original agreement was X, and I've been doing more than that.
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  It's fine. I'm not going to, like, charge you more. But I just realized I've
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  been over-delivering, and so this was our agreement. I'm going to go back to this.
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  That was the agreement. I'm doing all this extra stuff because of my own shit.
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  All of this extra over-delivering is my problem to solve.
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  That expectation, if they had that expectation, it's my job to clarify,
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  to set that new boundary, and then to keep meeting that boundary.
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  If I keep over-delivering, of course, they're going to expect that continuous
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  over-delivery. That's on me.
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  Now I'm working twice as hard for half as much pay.
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  So it's on me to be clear and kind.
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  It's more kind to reset than to keep doing it and be mad and resentful.
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  That's not helping anybody.
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  So that's a tool. Get curious. Like your reason if you're going above and beyond.
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  It's not wrong. Just like your reason.
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  And if you don't like your reason, find a way to pull it back.
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  It might take some emotional coaching and getting real with yourself.
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  And it might take a few conversations with clients, with employers,
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  with managers, with teams, with people in your personal life.
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  Those conversations are not easy. But trust me, when you get good at those conversations,
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  when you do a few of them, it gets so much easier to have those conversations.
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  And trust me, having a hard conversation is a lot easier than burning yourself to a crisp.
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  Like the ramifications of what you're going to do to yourself when you keep
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  trying to over deliver and over give because you're compensating for something
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  you don't feel good about,
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  the long-term effects of that are a lot worse than the short-term effects of
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  discomfort in having some difficult conversations,
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  there's a big reward to these difficult conversations and trust me you have
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  two of these conversations the third one is a breeze and i promise you it's true there.
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  There might be that moment where you're like, I don't want to have this conversation.
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  But it's not like it is before that first one.
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  It's hard. That first conversation is going to be difficult if you aren't used
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  to having these conversations.
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  But by the third time you do it, it's a breeze. And it will never be something
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  that you have to think about again.
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  So look at this look at this imposter syndrome look at how you're overcompensating
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  get curious about it and then make that choice to rein it in and of course,
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  i'm here for you so if you're finding ways that you feel like you're overcompensating
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  and you need help setting boundaries or you need help having these conversations And,
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  reach out. That is what I'm here for. I want to change this for you so that
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  you're not overdoing, overgiving, overcompensating because you don't feel worthy.
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  You don't feel valued. You don't feel like you're good enough.
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  Let's change that. That's coaching. That is literally, that's the coaching work
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  is to fix this, the imposter syndrome, so we don't have to fix the burnout and
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  we don't have to fix the boundary setting.
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  Let's just get you grounded, get you confident get you understanding that as you are you're enough,
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  you're exactly enough doesn't mean we don't want to keep learning and evolving
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  and growing but you're okay if you don't do any of that you're still good you're still good enough.
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  It's fine there's no requirement we like the evolution because for us that's part of,
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  the challenge and joy of life is seeing the mountain and getting over the mountain
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  and knowing there's going to
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  be another one, but knowing we have new tools to get over the other one.
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  And when you get to the top of that mountain, it is super rewarding.
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  And when you can pull some other people up because you have those tools,
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  that is super rewarding.
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  So we know why we're doing it, but let's be careful about all of this overdoing,
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  overgiving, over serving that is not helping you.
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  You need to look out for yourself. No one else will. don't get resentful about
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  people who are looking out for themselves it's okay,
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  it's okay they're selfish over here egomaniacs who are greedy and there are
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  people who look out for their well-being it's different let's look out for your
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  well-being i'm here for you i hope this is helpful and i will talk to you all soon.