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Andy Stanley - Me & My Big Mouth Part 3 According to Code · Andy Stanley Sermons

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So if you're here, last time, we discovered that you were all very
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powerful people, every single one of you. You were powerful people because words
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are powerful. And you know, words are powerful, because the words spoken
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about you and over you and two you growing up are words that have shaped
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you. They shape what you see in the mirror when you look in the
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mirror. Words are powerful, which makes you powerful. And our words actually
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determined to some extent, the direction and the quality of our lives. As
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our words go, so go our lives. But here's the powerful part.
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Your words have the potential to direct the quality and the direction of somebody else's
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life as well. And then last week we left off with this with this
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kind of horrible thought that basically our mouths are so unpredictable. In fact,
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they are so predictably unpredictable that if we don't set a guard, if we
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don't set a you know, basically a warden on our lips, we have
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the potential to undermine our own success, our own futures, and undermine our
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own relationships. Because as James, the brother of Jesus, who we looked
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at, we looked at his words last week, he said that your mouth
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and my mouth is untamable. It cannot be domesticated. It always needs a
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leash, it always needs a bridle, it always needs a guard. So
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where we began this series is where we're going to go throughout this series to
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this simple idea that James gave us that for the rest of our lives,
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every waking moment, every waking moment, we should be quick to listen and
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slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to speak. So let's
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just say this together one more time. Everybody, quick to listen, slow
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to speak. If you're watching from home, if you're driving, wherever you
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are, everybody together, quick to listen, slow to speak, And we
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gave you a little hand motion. Quick to listen, quick to listen,
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quick to listen, slow to speak. Now, you would think if you
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were me and you were talking about this for four weekends in a row,
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you probably have mastered it by you know, we wait week two, right,
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I mean, I'm all week long, just about I'm studying, preparing
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these messages, put these outlines together, thinking about this constantly, so you
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would think I would have this down right. No, So last Saturday,
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not yesterday, because it was too fresh last weekend to talk about it.
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Last Saturday morning early. I'm sitting on the couch. I have my iPad
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with my notes in front of me. I'm preparing to come in here and
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give you all this wisdom from on high, so all of you can go
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home and get your mouth act together, because I'm the pastor, and of
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course I have my act together perfectly. So I'm looking at my note.
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Sandra is on the other end of the couch drinking coffee. We're having our
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coffee. She's reading a book I'm studying to try to internalize this message,
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and she says to me, I'm not going to give you the details because
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it's too embarrassing and it's one of those marriage things that if I told you
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the details, you would just lose all respect for me, she says to
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me. She begins telling me about something that has been done for us by
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someone that required manual labor, and somebody did this manual labor for us so
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I wouldn't have to do it. Well, I had done it, and
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not only had I done it, I had told her I had done it.
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So not only am I not getting credit for something I did, she's
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giving someone else's credit and she's forgotten I told her now this is when I
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should have been slowed. Quick to listen and slow to speak. I am
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looking at my notes and I cannot help myself, and all of a sudden
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it starts, and I have to make sure she knows that I'm the one
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who did that. And I'm not going to tell you what that is.
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It is too petty, it's too embarrassing. I had to make sure she
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knew that I was the one who did that because I want to make sure
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I get credit for anything I do in the home, because I do so
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little. When I emptied the dishwasher, it is so loud the neighbors know
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that I am emptying the dishwasher because I want everyone in the house to know
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I am doing something, you know, in our home, for I take
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out the trash loud. I just feel like I have to let everybody know
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what I do because I do so little. So I want to make sure
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she knew that what she thought somebody else did for us I had done.
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And then I should have stopped there. But once that thing starts, right
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then I had to let her know. And not only did I do it,
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I told you that I did it. Were you not listening to me?
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And she just looked at me and went back to reading, and her
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silence made my words just deafening. And now I'm looking at my outline,
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going what is wrong with me? And James told us last week what's wrong
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with me? I have a mouth. It cannot be tamed. And if
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you were here for our second session on it, with our second episode of
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this series, if you were here for the second episode, you remember I
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left you with three words. I said, here's what we gotta do,
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because James didn't tell us, so I just made this up. I said,
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we got to remember that our mouths are dangerous. I did not remember.
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Then I said, we need to surrender our mouths to our heavenly father.
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My mouth was not surrendered. And the third one was confessed that when
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we say things we shouldn't say, when we hurt people with our words,
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we have to apologize and confess. I am staring at those words in my
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notes, sitting on the couch with my wife, and now I have to
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apologize, and I don't want to apologize, and my pride just rises up
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and rises up. I'm thinking tomorrow, tomorrow, I'm going to preach on
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this, you know. And I just had to say, Sandra, I
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am so sorry. She knew I was studying, and she just looked at
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me and grinned and said, it's not a big deal. I'm like,
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so, the point is this never ends. Okay, this never ends.
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Knowing what to do is not enough. So that's why I wanted to spend
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several weeks talking about this important, important, important topic. Now. In
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week one and two, we looked at this ancient first century document written by
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James, the brother of Jesus, which was so cool. Today we're gonna
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listen, we're gonna hear from someone else. Today, we're gonna hear from
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the Apostle Paul. The Apostle Paul, as you may know, and you
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should know if you don't stepped onto the pages of history as Saul of Tarsus.
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That's that's how he was first known. And when he showed up,
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he was a Pharisee. He was a Jew. He lived he lived way
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north of Jerusalem, but he came to Jerusalem and he was so disturbed by
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these Christians, this kind of knockoff Jewish religion that was sort of blending,
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you know, the old with the new. He decided he was going to
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get rid of it. Put it, you know, basically put that fire
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out. So he goes to the High Priest and Jerusalem and gets permission to
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round up and to arrest Christians wherever he can find them, bring them to
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Jerusalem, have them tried, tortured, punished, and in some cases executed
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for their faith. That's saw of Tarsus. I mean, some of you
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don't like Christians. Saw the Tarsus as your guy. He hated Christians.
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He wanted to stamp the church out. Well, he has the original Damascus
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Road experience. That's almost become a phrase that we use them an English language
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had a Damascus Road experience, and the phrase that you've heard blinded by the
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light or the I finally saw the light or the lights came on. This
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is where this is where that terminology came from. He's on his way to
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arrest some Christians. He's blinded by light. He saw the light. Suddenly,
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he saw things as he's never seen them before. And it becomes a
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Jesus follower. And instead of destroying the church, he starts creating churches all
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around the Mediterranean basin, all around the edge of the Mediterranean, all these
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port cities. And then he would plant churches, and then he would write
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them letters. Then many of those letters have been preserved since antiquity, and
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they became part of our New Testament. So I'm going to read out of
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one of those letters. It's a first century document. It's called the Book
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of Ephesians, but it's really just a letter to Christians and Ephesus in the
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first century. And in this letter, he talks to these Christians about their
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mouths, and he gives us, you know, James kind of left his
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hanging. James was like gloom and doom, gloom and doom, See you
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gotta go. That's kind of how James ends his talk. But the Apostle
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Paul gives us a way forward, and he gives us one word picture that
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I want us to really think about that really is gonna give us some leverage
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for how to use our words in a positive way to make sure we're accomplishing
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what we need to accomplish. Now, one last thing before I look at
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this first, if you're not a Christian, if you're not a Christian,
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I just want to make sure you understand where I'm coming from. I have
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no right in the world to expect you to do anything based on anything I
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say or anything in the Bible. So please don't hear me saying you ought
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to, you ought to, you ought to. This was written to Christians.
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But here's the good news. You can try this at home for free,
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just because it's good advice. Now, if you're a Christian, we're
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accountable to these words. If you're not a Christian, this is just great
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stuff. So you don't need to be on the defensive. I'm not going
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to ask you to do anything unusual, but you're gonna I think you're gonna
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admit, wow, I don't know that everything in the Bible is true.
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I'm not sure I believe anything about the Bible. But that is some good
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advice when it comes to how I use my word. So I'm going to
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read these verses to you. I'm going to back up a few verses from
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the verse that Paul talks about our mouth to give you some context, and
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hopefully you'll find this to be interesting. This is found in Ephesians chapter four.
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If you brought a Bible, or if you have a Bible, here's
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what the apostle Paul says. He starts with this. He says, so
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and again he's writing to gentiles who've become Christians. They've left a pagan worldview
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and they're trying to sort through how do I become how do I follow Jesus
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based on the way I was raised as a gentile pagan. Here's what he
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says, So I tell you this and insist on it in the Lord that
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you must no longer He's talking to Christians that you must not no longer live
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as the gentiles do and the futility of their thinking and gentile Here he's talking
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about what the group of people he's writing to used to be. He's saying,
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when you've identified outside of the Church, when you identified outside of Christianity,
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you are a gentile and you had a worldview that match the worldview of
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your culture. It was a pagan worldview where they believed in multiple gods.
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They were all polytheists, right, a completely different worldview, and that worldview
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was reflected in their behavior, just like your worldview is reflected in your behavior
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as well. He says, they that group that you used to be,
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just like they are darkened in their understanding, that is, they don't get
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it and they're separated from the life of God. And then he tells us.
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Why and this seems a little offensive, but hang on, because of
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the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. He
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says. Now, the people that you were interacting with in culture, they're
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ignorant due to the hardening of their hearts. Now this sounds like an insult.
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It is not an insult. He's basically saying, this is just my
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observation. The people that you deal with in culture, they don't know any
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better because they can't see what you see, and they don't see the world
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the way you see the world. Let me explain why this is a big
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deal. In the culture of Ephesus, the culture, the Greek culture,
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they believed in a pantheon of a pantheon of god, many many many gods,
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right, and the gods you may remember this from high school or from
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college. The gods, the Greek gods and the Roman gods were all about
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themselves. They did all kinds of crazy stuff. They toyed with people,
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they slept with each other, They had all kind of baby gods that had
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baby gods that did all kinds of crazy stuff and cut each other in half
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and created the world. I mean, it was just crazy but the whole
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thing of the gods. The gods were all about themselves. So polytheism was
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about being like the gods, which meant it was an every man for himself,
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and it wasn't much in every woman for herself because women didn't have any
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rights, so right was determined by who had the might. It was bad
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luck to be poor, It was certainly bad luck to be born a woman,
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and it was bad luck to be conquered, because hey, you know,
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it's a winner take all world. And where did the Pagans get that
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idea? That's how their gods operated. So the apostle Paul is talking to
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some ex Pagans, some ex polytheists, saying, Okay, the world that
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you came from is very different than the world i'm introducing you to as a
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Christian and your friends who still live in that world, they had a different
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worldview. He continues. He says, having talking about this group having lost
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all sensitivity. They have given themselves over to sensuality. In other words,
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it's in anything goes world morally, which was true in the pagan world,
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because no, there was no religious morality associated with paganism. Now let me
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flip it around, maybe this will help explain this. As a Christian,
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you know, there is a morality that is associated with Christianity in terms of
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how we treat people, how we treat our wives, you know, faithfulness
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and marriage, all kinds of stuff. But in the pagan religion, there
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was no morality, There were no ex there were no behavioral expectations. So
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the apostle Paul is saying, no, wonder the people in your culture behave
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the way they do. The reason they don't live the way I'm asking you
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to live is because they don't have the rules you've decided to live by.
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So it's not a criticism, it's more of an observation. So they've given
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themselves over to every kind of impurity and every kind of greed. Again,
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it's a winner take all world. The world out there. They just live
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for themselves and whatever where they can get, they get. And if you're
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poor, if you're a woman, if you're a child, if you're from
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a different country, if you've been conquered, hey, it's just too bad.
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That's the way their world work. He continues that, however, contrast
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that, however, is not the way of life. You learned that greedy
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do whatever you need to do to get whatever you get. Treat people any
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way you want to treat them, take advantage of people if you're the powerful.
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He said, that's the world you live in. But that's not the
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life you have been invited to. And this is not the life you learned
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about when you were introduced to Christ. And we're taught in Him in accordance
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with the truth that is in Jesus. Now, quick little side note on
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this. This is really important, especially if you're not a church person or
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maybe not a Christian. Everybody, and this is gonna sound crazy, but
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everybody should be so grateful to Jesus the Apostle Paul in the Early Church.
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Everybody in the world, especially in the Western world, should be so grateful
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to Jesus the Apostle Paul in the Early Church, because early on in the
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first century, they were advocating for what most most of us assume. They
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were advocating for what most of us assume. See, you assume that people
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have individual rights. You assume that everyone has individual dignity. You assume that
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women should be treated with the same respect that a man should be treated with.
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You assume that the poor should not be picked on, that they should
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be given the same dignity and status and rights as rich people. You assume
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that sexual harassment or that sexual abuse is wrong, You assume all of that.
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But why do you assume that. You assume that because this is a
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leftover of Christian teaching that impacted the entire Western world. In fact, dignity
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of the individual. Dignity of the individual is most pronounced in countries and our
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generation that were impacted by the message of Christianity. And that's not true in
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every culture in the world today, but in the cultures where it is true,
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those are cultures, primarily Europe and the United States, that were impacted
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by Christianity. Now that's not to say everybody in those countries are Christians,
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of course not. It's that sianers. He impacted the entire Western world,
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and one of the ways it did was by bringing this idea that men and
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women and children are made in the image of God and therefore there is intrinsic
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value. Now, when Paul was writing this, that was not the assumption.
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That was not the worldview of the Pagans at all. Again, it
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was might makes right. The people with the gold make the rules. And
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if you're Roman you're above You're a cut above everybody else. And so he
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was advocating for what we assumed. And here's the amazing thing. It worked.
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The reason the Western world thinks the way it does, the reason we
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value what we value, is because of the teaching of Jesus the apostle Paul
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in the early Church. That's amazing. We've all benefited, whether you believe
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or not, He continues. You were taught, you were taught with regard
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to your former way of life, when you were a polytheius, worshiping all
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the gods and acting as crazy as the gods, to put your old self,
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which is being corrupted by it, sent by its deceitful desires. That
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you were taught with regard to your former way of life, to put off
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your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires. You said
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when I first came to you and visited you at Ephesis. Remember I told
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you you've got to take off your old self, that old way of thinking,
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that old way of behaving. It's like a big heavy coat. You
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got to take it off so that you will no longer be fooled by your
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deceitful desires. This is a really interesting phrase. And I like this phrase
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because this is something we've all experienced, we just didn't have a name for
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it. Do you know what a deceitful desire is? A deceitful desire is
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a desire that you have that promise you, that promises you one thing and
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then doesn't fulfill the promise. If you ever chased a desire like that,
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you had a desire, you chase the desire because there was a promise on
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the other end of the desire. You got what you wanted, you got
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who you wanted, and then the desire didn't keep its promise. That's a
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deceitful desire. And then when you didn't get what you want, that desire
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whispered to you. And do you know what, that desire whispered to you
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and whispered to me next time, next time, next time. It didn't
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work out this time, but that was his fault. It didn't work out
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this time. It was her fault. It didn't work out this time.
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It was their fault. But next time, next time, next time.
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The apostle Paul says, those are the deceitful desires. And he says,
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as a Christian, as a Jesus follower, you have been called to take
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all of that off and live a completely different kind of life and think a
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completely different kind of way. And then he says this, and once you
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take it off, you'll be made new in the attitude of your mind.
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You're gonna think differently, and you're gonna put on the new self created to
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be like God. Now this is an important phrase too. Then we're gonna
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get back to the mouth. This is important because in the pagan society people
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acted like the gods and the apostle. Paul says, when you embrace this
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new way of thinking, when you embrace this new worldview, you will be
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not like the gods. You will be like God, who has invited you
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to address him as heavenly Father, God who loves you so much he sent
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his son into this world to pay for your sin. God who's not gonna
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toy with you like the gods, but God who loves you like a perfect
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heavenly Father. He says, You'll be like God in true righteousness and holiness,
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not the kind of holiness that pulls back and withdraws, the kind of
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holiness that engages with people, engages with people who are like you engages with
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people who aren't like you, and engages with people who don't like you.
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He says, it's a brand new world, it's a brand new day,
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and he invites them into it. Then after this, he begins to give
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his audience specific applications, and he talks about all kinds of different behaviors.
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And one of the behaviors he talks about in this context is our mouth is
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our words. So here's how he applies this big picture that you've taken off
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one worldview. You've taken off a way of thinking that's all about me,
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me, me, me, me, my greed, my desires, my
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satisfaction, and you've begun to view the world the way that your heavenly father
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views it. He said. When that happens, here's what it's going to
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look like in real time. Do not, he said, here's our first
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specific command. Do not let any un whole some talk come out of your
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mouth, which is our topic. He says. Once you've put on this
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new worldview, this new way of thinking, then one way that's going to
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manifest itself, do not let any unwholesome word come talk come out of your
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mouth. And the word talk is actually the word logos. You've probably heard
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that Greek word before. It means word do not let any unwholesome word come
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out of your mouth. But the most interesting word in this phrase is this
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word right here, unwholesome. The little Greek word translated unwholesome in our English
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Bible was actually used to describe the smell of spoiled and rotting fish, or
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the smell of riting fruit, or the smell of deteriorating and smelly sandals.
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It's anything that's distasteful. So the apostle Paul says, when you think about
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your words as a Jesus follower is someone who views everyone in the world as
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someone whom God loves. Do not let any distasteful word come out of your
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mouth. Now, I love the imagery of the smelly, rotting fish,
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so I've say it this way. Avoid fishmouth. This is what I've been
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sitting on all week long. Okay, avoid fishmouth. In other words,
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don't be this guy, don't be this guy. In fact, I think
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in our families, maybe even just around here, we should start using this
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phrase. And when somebody says something distasteful, or somebody's critical of someone else
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unnecessarily or somebody starts losing it. We can just look at it and say
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fishmouth, fish mouth. That's about you have a bad case of fishmouth.
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And the interesting thing is the apostle Paul isn't saying, just make sure you
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tell the truth. Everybody knows you're supposed to tell the truth. Even the
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Pagans knew they were supposed to tell the truth. He says, No,
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I'm raising the standard. I want you to guard your mouth so that nothing
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distasteful comes out of your mouth. And then, kind of echoing what we
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learned from James last week, look at this, he says, don't let
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any unwholesome word. In other words, you are in charge. I'm in
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charge that my mouth is like a gate, and I am the gate keeper
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that I am to stand guard over my mouth. And when distasteful words rush
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the gate, he says, don't let them out. Don't let them out.
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Don't let them out. And they're going to rush the gate every single
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day. In my case, you know, a week ago, distasteful words
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rush the gate. And what did I do. I let them out.
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So to avoid fishmouth, to avoid words that are distasteful and harmful and hurtful
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to other people. He says, you need to avoid fish mouth. You've
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got to put a guard on your mouth. You have to guard your mouth.
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Now, that's kind of the negative. That's Paul's way of saying,
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here's what not to do. But next up, he gives us a brilliant,
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brilliant word picture of what we are supposed to do. So he turns
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the corner. He says, but but resist words that charge the gate initially,
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but only in other words, There's gonna be some words you've got to
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let out, And the only words that you're gonna let out are the words
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that you've gone through their backpacks, you've gone through their purses. You know,
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you're checking them at the gate to make sure they're not trying to smuggle
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something distasteful out of your mouth and into the real world. He says.
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Once you've checked their backpacks, and once you've checked their purses, the only
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words that you should allow it out, allow out of the gate of your
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mouth are words that are good for what is helpful and building others up according
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to their needs. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
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but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.
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Now, I'll be honest with you about this verse. This sounds so nice
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and so soft, and so gentle and so Christian and so unproductive, you
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know. I mean, can you really live like that? In our world?
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Let no one knows some word for se down your mouth only, such
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as good for helping others and building others up? I mean, can you
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raise kids that way? You know? Honey, it's not nice to see
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how many raisins you can cram in baby's mouth, you know. Don't you
21:45
need to be a little bit more urgent over something like that? Right?
21:48
Or would this work at work? Can you imagine a performance review? Hey,
21:52
listen, would you mind coming to work occasionally? You know? But
21:57
here's what I want to make sure you don't miss. Okay, because it's
22:00
easy to write this off, the apostle Paul's point is not be nice the
22:07
Paul's point. In fact, it's in the verse. The apostle Paul's point
22:10
is I want you to be helpful, and sometimes being helpful means saying hard
22:15
things. So while some of you need to dial it down and dial it
22:18
back, others of you need to step up and say what needs to be
22:22
said. He said, your words are to be helpful, and they're to
22:26
be helpful according to the person that you're talking to. But then he gives
22:30
us what I think is the most helpful word of all. He gives us
22:33
a construction word. He says, not let any un wholesome word come out
22:37
of our mouth, only what is helpful for building others up. It's as
22:41
if Paul is saying this, and I love this, and maybe this just
22:42
helps me. He says, I want you to imagine that every conversation is
22:48
like a construction site, and your words are building material, And your responsibility
22:53
as a Christian, your responsibility for because you're interfacing with people that God loves,
22:59
is to consider every single word something that you could use to build that
23:03
other person up, so that when you leave the construction site, when you
23:08
leave the conversation, they are better off for having been with you. Can
23:15
you imagine what would happen in our families if that was the typical conversation.
23:19
Can you imagine what would happen in your marriage or my marriage if that was
23:23
the standard we live by. Can you imagine what would happen in churches if
23:26
that was the standard by which we measured engaged all of our conversation, and
23:32
at the end of the day, he says, when you get this right,
23:34
they are going to be better for it. He says, because the
23:37
point is you're building others up so that they will be better for it.
23:41
That they will be built up because of the words that you said, because
23:45
it's going to be according to their needs. Now, this is challenging for
23:48
me because oftentimes I'm talking based on what I want to talk about, based
23:52
on getting my needs met. The apostle Paul says, you know what,
23:56
that's not the way of Jesus, that's not the way of the Gospel,
24:00
the way of Christianity. For God so loved the world that he gave And
24:03
in conversations with other people, look, you'd look for opportunities to use your
24:07
words to give them what they need, that it might benefit them, that
24:14
it might benefit them, that it might benefit those who listen. It is
24:17
for their benefit, Andy, not yours. Because I want to tell my
24:22
story, I want to make my point. I want to get a word
24:25
in. I want people to know how smart I am, how wise I
24:26
am. I want to have the last word. I want to do my
24:29
zinger. I want to say my thing and it's like, my heavenly Father
24:32
say, Andy, that's all about you. That's the way that the Pagans
24:36
lived, that's the way that the Polytheius lived. That's the way of the
24:38
gods. That's not the way of your God, your heavenly Father. That
24:44
they would be better off for having talked to us, that we leave people
24:48
better. And then he says this, It kind of gets a little all
24:52
spiritual. Honest, but this is so practical, he says, And while
24:55
we're talking about it, when it comes to your words, don't grieve the
24:57
Holy Spirit of God. You don't greet the Holy Spirit of God. This
25:00
simply means, don't say something to someone God loves that make God, that
25:03
makes God go, Oh no, why would you say that? In other
25:08
words, if worry, if your words are building materials and you're to build
25:11
people up, don't say something to someone that makes God go. I can't
25:15
believe here, I am trying to build this person up, and you use
25:18
your words to undermine what I'm trying to do in their life. You're not
25:21
building, your demolishing. And then it's like the apostle Paul pauses and things.
25:26
You know what, I think some of the folks in my audience are
25:29
really going to struggle with this, And I think they're going to struggle with
25:32
this because of things they don't have any control over it. And then he
25:34
gets way up in our business. In fact, if it were just me,
25:40
I think I would just stop here, give you a few applications about
25:42
how to build others up, and here's some insights, and how to use
25:45
your words to build up your children, how to build up your spouse,
25:48
your fiance. The people at were but you're smart enough to figure that out.
25:51
And the apostle Paul figured you're smart enough to figure that out as well.
25:53
He doesn't go there. Instead, he goes to the root cause as
25:57
to why many of us have such a heart hard time with this. It
26:02
looks like and it sounds like he's changing the subject, but he's really going
26:06
to the heart of the matter. Why is it that you allow things to
26:08
escalate sometimes? Why is it that you say things and you walk away and
26:11
you think, why in the world where did that come from? And he
26:17
says, by the way, if you're gonna get this right, if you're
26:19
going to be a builder instead of a demolisher, there's something you're gonna have
26:23
to deal with, and so he says it and get rid of all bitterness.
26:30
It's like, wait a minute, we were just talking about words.
26:32
Paul says, all this is all about your words. Get rid of all
26:36
bitterness. The little Greek phrase get rid of does not mean stop. It
26:40
means to pack it all up, put it in a bag, take it
26:42
out to the street, and leave it. You know how you get rid
26:45
of your trash. You know how you get rid of the stuff in your
26:48
attic. You get rid of the stuff in your basement, You get rid
26:49
of the stuff in the spare bedroom, you get rid of the stuff that's
26:52
in little, your mini warehouse. He said, I want you to pack
26:56
everything up that has anything to do with your bitterness, and I want you
26:59
to take it to the street, and I want you to leave it there.
27:02
Because your bitterness shows up not only in what you say, but more
27:07
importantly, how you say it and oftentimes who you say it to. You
27:14
can't be a builder if you are bitter, because your bitterness will seep through
27:21
your words, your volume, your tone, and your attitude. It affects
27:26
the content and the intent of everything you say. It's like, oh,
27:33
and the thing is about bitterness. You know this, You're smart. The
27:37
antidote or the solution for bitterness is what it's forgiveness, right. Bitterness requires
27:45
forgiveness, because where does bitterness come from? For most of us, you
27:48
know where our bitterness came from. It came from words spoken to us about
27:52
us or over us. It came from words spoken to us about us or
27:56
over us. You grew up in a home where you never got a positive
27:59
remark comment from your mom or your dad, or when they or other or
28:03
when they were positive. There was always a hook, There was always a
28:04
barb, There was always that sarcasm. You came out of a marriage where
28:08
you couldn't do anything right. Words were used to put you down, put
28:11
you down, put you down, put you down. Words were used to
28:15
take from you what you should have been able to keep for yourself. They
28:19
took your self esteem, they took your reputation, they took your time.
28:22
And so we come into new relationships, we come into a new season of
28:26
life, and we're dealing with the shrapnel of words that were spoken to us
28:30
about us, are over us, and we bring that wound and we bring
28:33
that hurt into our current relationships, and let's be honest we know this.
28:37
It affects what we say, how we say it, the tone, the
28:41
words we choose. It also affects what we refuse to say because of our
28:45
pride. Because people wrestling with bitterness are trying to pay people back that never
28:52
did anything to them, because they can't pay the person back who wounded them.
28:56
So the Apostle Paul says, I hate to get all up in your
28:59
business, and I hate to get personal. And he would say to us,
29:00
and no, I don't know your story, but I'll tell you this.
29:04
You can't be a builder as long as you're bidter. Forgiveness is the
29:10
decision to give someone from the past what they don't deserve so that you can
29:15
give to those around you what they do deserve. You see, if you're
29:19
a parent, you got to deal with your bitterness. Even if you're in
29:22
a second marriage or your single parent, you got to deal with your bitterness
29:26
because if you're not careful what was taken from you by someone else, you
29:30
will pay back. You will pay back in the relationships you're in now,
29:33
including your relationships maybe with your kids or your grandkids. The Apostle Paul says,
29:38
this is a big deal. You can't be a builder if you're bitter,
29:44
so get rid of bitterness. But he's not done. Get rid of
29:47
rage, get rid of anger, get rid of brawling, all that yelling
29:51
and screaming and allowing things to escalate. He says, you gotta take all
29:53
of that. Put it in a big bag. We'll take it to the
29:56
street. Get rid of it. You have to leave it there. And
29:59
he goes on and and slander and slander along with every form, every single
30:03
form of malice. To put this in terms that we use in our conversation,
30:07
maybe he would say it this way. Get rid of any word,
30:11
get rid of all words that demean, degrade, and disrespect. Do you
30:17
know what it means to demean someone? It means to communicate you don't really
30:19
matter, You don't really matter, You don't really matter, You don't really
30:23
matter, to which your heavenly father would say, wait a minute. He
30:26
matters to me, she matters to me. And if he matters to me
30:30
and she matters to me, then he should matter and she should matter to
30:34
you. Do you know what degrade means? It means you don't make the
30:37
grade. It means you get graded down. It means you don't measure up,
30:42
and the moment we start treating people like they don't measure up, maybe
30:45
our heavenly father says, can I ask you a question? Andy? Yeah,
30:48
what's that? Did you measure up to my standard? Well? No,
30:52
Well how did I respond Andy? When you didn't measure up to my
30:55
standard? You gave me and did for me what I couldn't do for myself.
31:00
It's right, Andy, And now I want you to go do that
31:00
for him. I want you to go do that for her. You never
31:03
speak degrading words over anyone. Your father in heaven sent his son to die
31:07
for and disrespect. Disrespect communicates you're not worthy of my respect, to which
31:14
again, our father would say, wait, wait, wait, she may
31:15
not. You may not think she's worthy of your respect, but she's worthy
31:18
of mine. She's my daughter. You don't think he's worthy of your respect.
31:22
He's worthy of my respect. He's my son. So the apostle Paul
31:26
says, you see, this is a different way of thinking, This is
31:29
a different worldview. You have not been called to treat people the way they've
31:33
treated you. You have been called. You are expected as a Jesus follower
31:36
to treat people the way God in Christ treated you. So, Paul,
31:41
exactly what does that look like? What does it mean to build? He
31:44
said, let me give you some words you understand. Be kind, be
31:48
kind, be kind. It's this isn't avoid the hard things. It's say
31:52
the hard things the right way, be kind, how kind and compassionate to
31:56
one another. In other words, it's not just what you say, it's
31:59
die into the emotion of the person that you're talking to and make sure that
32:04
you forgive each other, because if you don't forgive, it's going to impact
32:07
the way that you talk to each other. And we say, okay,
32:08
but Paul, how far do we have to take this forgiveness thing? And
32:13
Paul would say, you may be sorry. You ask, well, do
32:15
we take it as far as you know? I as I forgive them as
32:19
much as they've forgiven me. He said, no, I want you to
32:21
forgive each other just as just as, but just as as what just as
32:28
God in Christ forgave you. That you are to do for others in terms
32:35
of forgiveness, exactly what your Father in Heaven did for you. We call
32:37
this the platinum rule around here, to do for others what God in Christ
32:40
has done for you. But when we put it in the context of our
32:44
words. It looks more like this speak unto others as God in Christ has
32:50
spoken over you. Can you imagine what would happen in your family if you
32:53
did this? Can you imagine what would happen in our relationships if this was
32:59
what we normally did, if this became normal, and then when we messed
33:01
up we took ownership of it. Paul saying, Look, allow God's grace
33:07
to you to shape and inform your words toward others. View every word as
33:14
if you're on a construction site. Use your words to build people up,
33:17
and don't have fish mouth. Don't have fish mouth. Now here's what I'm
33:22
gonna do. I'm going to go back through the whole passage. I'm going
33:24
to read straight through it without you know, splitting it up like I just
33:28
did. And as I do, I want you to ask yourself two questions.
33:32
And here are the two questions, where do I have work to do?
33:37
Or where do you have work to do? And the second question is
33:39
the more painful, who hopes you'll get to work soon? Where do you
33:45
have work to do? As it relates to your words? And who hopes
33:47
you'll get to work soon? And do you know what's so sad about this
33:50
question? It's the isn't this is so strange. It's the people closest to
33:54
us that we tend to hurt the most with our words, which makes no
33:59
sense, which means it's your problem, not theirs. It's my problem,
34:04
not hers. And if you're someone who is easily critical, if you're someone
34:08
who is for you, sarcasm is just a way of talking, can I
34:14
let you know that that never builds anyone. No one has ever been made
34:17
better, no one has ever been built stronger through just pure criticism and sarcasm.
34:22
And can I just be super direct to you dads for just a moment,
34:25
Dad, sarcasm doesn't build anything but resentment. Sarcasm doesn't build anything but
34:35
resentment. Dads, sarcasm will not make your sons tougher, It will just
34:40
make it tougher for you to connect with your sons. Moms, sarcasm will
34:46
not make your daughters tougher. It'll just make it more difficult for you to
34:51
connect with your daughter. Sarcasm and straight up criticism has never built anything.
34:58
And the impostle Paul says, come on, knock it off. Speak unto
35:01
others as your heavenly Father has spoken to and over you. So here's the
35:08
passage all put together. Here's what he says. Do not let any unwholesome
35:14
word come out of your mouth, no fish mouth. Only what is helpful
35:16
for building others up. You're on a construction site according to their needs,
35:21
not your needs. That it may benefit those who listen, not those who
35:23
are talking. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God. Don't make
35:29
God go oh, I can't believe you said that to her with whom you
35:31
were sealed for the day of redemption. In other words, God has made
35:35
an unconditional promise to you. He has pledged his unconditional love. Why would
35:39
you make your love and commitment to other people so conditional? And then he
35:44
says, and if this is gonna be tough for you, here's one of
35:45
the reasons it may be tough for you. You're gonna have to get rid
35:47
of all that bitterness. You're gonna have to put it in a bag and
35:51
leave it on the street and rage and anger and brawling and slander along with
35:54
every form of malice, and start here, he would say, just be
36:00
kind, Just decide that as you guard your mouth. If they aren't kind
36:04
words, You're just not going to say them, and be compassionate. Dial
36:07
into the emotion of the person you're talking to. Be kind and compassionate to
36:10
one another, forgiving one another, and how far should we take it,
36:14
just as just as in Christ, God forgave you. Now Here's what I
36:21
would suggest as a homework assignment for today's message. I would suggest, I
36:25
would highly recommend. I wish I could bribe you to do this if I
36:29
could. Is to commit this part of the passage to memory. I memorize
36:32
this passage a long time ago, to which you might say, well,
36:36
it didn't help you last week. Granted it didn't help me last week,
36:38
But imagine how awful I would be had I not memorized this first. This
36:43
verse comes to my mind constantly. Let no one wholesome word, Let no
36:45
one wholesome word. I want to encourage you to memorize this verse. And
36:49
if you're not a Christian, you don't own a Bible, or you know
36:52
your grandmother gave you a Bible in it somewhere, this verse is easy to
36:55
find. You can just go on the internet and google Ephesians four twenty nine
36:58
and it'll pop up. Everywhere download the free you version Bible. But I
37:01
want to encourage you to find this, write it somewhere, or print it
37:04
somewhere, and commit this part of the passage to memory, because here's what
37:07
I know. This will make your life better. It'll make you better at
37:13
life. It'll make you a better father, It'll make you a better mother.
37:15
It'll make you a better student. It'll make you a better friend.
37:17
It'll make you a better boss, it'll make you a better employee. And
37:22
then, as you're memorizing this verse and you're trying to get your mind and
37:24
your heart around this message, if you find that it's just too difficult,
37:30
it may be that you need to take some things to the street. And
37:35
here's what I would suggest you do between now and next time we gather.
37:38
Would you be willing to sit down with an actual pad? Have you seen
37:42
those that are actually paper? I know really and a pen you can buy
37:45
they still sell this an actual pen, not a device, an actual piece
37:49
of paper or pad of paper, and an actual pen or pencil. And
37:52
would you spend some time answering this question. What was taken from me that
37:57
I'm trying to get other people to pay back to me? What was taken
38:00
from me at that other job, What was taken for me in that other
38:04
marriage? What was taken from me growing up? That I find myself trying
38:07
to extract from the people around me. What do I think someone owes me
38:13
that I'm trying to get other people to pay me back? I'm trying to
38:15
get my kids. I'm trying to get my husband and my wife to pay
38:17
back a debt they don't even owe. Because you're carrying around that bitness,
38:22
would you write all of that down? I've recommended this for years. Write
38:25
it down, look at it, don't tear it up, wid it up,
38:29
put it in a plastic bag, and then go down those two flights
38:31
of stairs out to the dumpster behind your apartment, scare off the cats,
38:35
open up the dumpster, and put that in there and say, I'm getting
38:38
rid of my bitterness. On trash day, you walk that little plastic bag
38:43
with that one piece of paper all the way down your driveway out to the
38:45
garbage and pray the whole way. God today, I am getting rid of
38:49
this. I don't want my past to influence my presence. I don't want
38:54
words spoken to me about me and over me to fuel the word I'm speaking
39:00
about to and over the people I love the most. I am getting rid
39:05
of my bitterness. And if you say, Andy, that's too much to
39:09
ask. You don't know my story, then I want to encourage you as
39:14
much as I can encourage you to be here next week for part four of
39:16
this series, because if the story of Jesus dying on the Cross for our
39:21
sins is the greatest story ever told, the story that I'm going to tell
39:23
you next week from the Old Testament might be the second greatest story ever told.
39:29
And it will create a context for you to perhaps deal with the words
39:32
that hurt you the most in such a way that you will be free to
39:36
move forward and love the people that you love better than you've ever loved them
39:40
before. But we're going to have to be quick to listen and slow to
39:47
speak, assass