Latest / The Vincere Project / Episode 29 - The Long Walk South
Transcript
- Vincent Ruiz: Welcome to the Vincere Project, an H Hour production where we help people become more skilled, more competent, and more brave when they're facing the most difficult circumstances of their life. Hope you enjoy our podcast. Your job is to turn that over. We're gonna go until we go, but if the sand runs out, we just stop right there. Alright. Alright, don't mess it up. Alright there. First Brock Torre: Yeah. Vincent Ruiz: live recording in the studio here at H-Hour Productions, the Vincier Project. Brock, you made it to the big time. Welcome. Brock Torre: Thank you. I'm excited to be here. Vincent Ruiz: Dude, how did you hear about H Hour and Dr. Vince? Brock Torre: H H Hour and Dr. Vince came into my life was it two years ago? Yeah. Twenty two years. Two years ago, my first first graduate class counseling. Yeah. Didn't know what to expect and still don't. Yeah. But it was interesting. I think I was the first one in the class and you asked where I was coming from that day and I said Manahawkin and had no idea that be living about a mile from your office. Yeah, you weren't supposed to Vincent Ruiz: Right. That's not how it works, right? So no, it's a fateful day. And the good thing in that storyline is you're exactly the student that the program needs at Kane University, right? Is resilient, open-minded, optimistic about the future, hard to do the work that we do as counselors. So that was two years ago, and then have gone on the journey, right? And it's a professional relationship and it has helped in I think the transition or transformation from hey, a Coast Guard service member into a student. Into whatever comes next. So that is how we met. but can we get to what's important for today? Because I feel like that's like super formal and that's kind of not how I do things. we started with class. You took a very difficult class in human development, and I said that first night is that there's gonna be sad faces in here if you don't listen to what I'm saying about learning about yourself within relationship to human development in the counseling profession. And unfortunately, some of your colleagues had sad faces at the end of the semester. and I take a lot of pride in being very direct and straightforward. It seems like you and many of your colleagues have gravitated to that because it's guidance, right? In a very, very confusing, complex profession. two years in though, what would you say has changed in terms of perspective or mindset in counseling or about helping people? Brock Torre: There's been a ton of changes and I like the I guess exchange of words you used before as far as transition as opposed to a transformation and I feel like that's what it's been been for me is not much not as much of a you know, a a direct change, but more of a linear growth and just things have compounded of what I originally thought counseling was or what it needed to be or what it needed to look like as opposed to what's actually beneficial and what people really do need. so to answer your question, I think really boils down to I I've learned to listen more and talk less and you know I I think that my perspective overall has transformed completely from the beginning of the program till now, even it being a relatively short period of time. it's just it feels like a a different world when I started Vincent Ruiz: I think that's what's supposed to happen. It's a softer, kinder, gentler world, but it's equally serious, I think, in the counseling profession. Right. It's not playtime between our minds, our our clients' minds, and the interaction in the office. It's a sacred place, right? People are coming to you and gonna be coming to you consistently for the rest of your career in vulnerable states, right? And so being able to demonstrate the kindness and the compassion required, that's the requisite part to enter the room. But then developing the skills and competencies over time. Man, pretty amazing. What's the one thing learned about people? What do people do? I, Brock Torre: People lie. Vincent Ruiz: right? And it's a guarantee, right? And they tell all kinds of lies, right? And our job as counselors, it's self-report, right? We're not forensic people, we're not investigators, we're we're not insurance companies. We're not trying to figure that stuff out. Our our job is to give people a chamber of truth to to share and tell their story. And I think that's like that's the one thing you gravitate to and figure it out really quickly, is that like, Even when people are doing well, they'll find a way to tell a lie about well, this is as well as I can do. And I think that's what we try to espouse in program. And I think being a veteran and a representative of Kane University as well, right? It's a short, short period of time. You're there for a year or two and then you're gone and you move on to the next thing, much like service in the military. And I I think that is what brings us together to to go on this journey. Right. So, you know, you went out to Colorado, did a thirty hour event at the Big Fish Foundation, raised a bunch of money, impressed. Thank you. Any key takeaways from that event? About yourself, the world, others, other veterans? 'Cause you were with high caliber people, remarkably Brock Torre: It was. It was it was a great event, great experience. I mean it it was life-changing for me, just good being able to see what what I was able to accomplish. and on the flip side of that to really lean into, you know, asking for help and saying, Hey, I'm I'm struggling right now and I know we still have X amount of time left. I need you to help pick me up. and just that being a a process and A pattern, just continuous continuously picking other people up and, you know, raising your hand and saying, Hey, I I need support right now. Yeah. Right. Vincent Ruiz: Nobody likes to ask for help. Right. And like with the the greatest form of compassion we can express to ourselves, others in the world is to ask for help first, right? And then to accept the help that's offered. And I think that's the tricky part all of it, right? Is that people claim that they want to be helped or that hey, I asked for help, right? But it's kind of a any old story or idiom of like, well, I needed a a a ditch dug out, right? And then a shovel appeared. And right, and and nothing got fixed or changed. It's like, yeah, you gotta start with where you're at and I think Big Fish aligns with that. At least put your gloves on, right? And and you gotta put some of the work in and be compassionate to yourself. And yeah, it was a good experience. And now we're here, right? And you get to be selfish in the story. So now we're gonna go run eighty eight miles from Long Beach Island down to Cape May. the long walk south is the name. So if you consider yourself a good person, you'll donate to me and Brock when you see us pop up on the GoFundMe or the Googles or the Instafaces. because you consider yourself a good person and you'll donate. And that's the right thing to do. Because you love America and you love veterans and you care about students and puppies and turtles and Vince. Yeah, it's gonna be great, dude. Brock Torre: Simple enough. Vincent Ruiz: because guilt shame and embarrassment are wonderful tools, right? And and it you know, you can introduce people to different ideas or concepts or whatever that is. And Look, fundamental life change, I think that's what you're espousing. I think you're a good example of that in the veteran process by leveraging all of your your educational benefits, your GI Bill benefits, all the resources access, and now you're jumping into internship, which I think is probably one of the biggest transformations you may experience professionally in your life, because you're just gonna find out how powerless you are in actually changing anybody. Brock Torre: Mm. Vincent Ruiz: Prove me wrong though. You're wrong for it. But Brock Torre: Gonna have to try. I can't take your word for it. Vincent Ruiz: I think our job is exactly what you've learned, is right. Hey, I've learned early in this program is that listening closely and learning to ask really, really timely critical questions and and offering a framework to vulnerable people is is the sauce and the tool in it. What are you most optimistic about for the either the long walk south and or the semester or the final two semesters of school? Brock Torre: we'll start with the long walk south. I'm optimistic about you know getting to that dark place 'cause I know it's it's gonna happen. Looking forward to seeing where it is, whether it's mile eight or eighty eight. Yeah. but I'm just I'm optimistic about getting through it. And I think that's some some people some people thrive there and I think that's where the growth happens. Vincent Ruiz: So is it a relay or are you going straight through? Brock Torre: Think I think we're still in the the the planning phase of of of all that, but I don't know, what do you what you think's the if you're Vincent Ruiz: You're a good person, you'll donate to Brock and help him go straight through in this event. Brock Torre: I think it's gonna be a relay. Vincent Ruiz: I think what's gonna happen is the goal intent through my lens and filter is we're gonna adjust accordingly, right? So meaning like I think starting with the goal and intent of going straight through is the purpose, right? We're gonna allot the appropriate amount of time and set precautions and you know have the map and the checkpoints, but to your point, physical, mental, emotional exertion is gonna create false tune obstacles, those barriers and blind spots. The good thing though to your point as role models in in our professions and for others is we're gonna work together in that. And Jamie's gonna document and capture it. Uncle Jack's gonna hit Wawa and have snacks and treats for us along the way. But I think the goal is to go straight through. The beautiful thing though is if it does turn to a relay, we're open enough to realize it's like, no, I can trust somebody else, and that's a difficult thing to do, to keep carrying the load or moving the mission forward or taking care of the things that need to be done in my absence. Why I rest or take a knee, change my socks, eat a motrin. Catching that. Right? Because hey, I'm gonna come back that much stronger, right? And demonstrate that I'm using my time well. Because information management, time management, much like where you're at in program right now, there's gonna be a driving force for that 20 ish hours. I think it's about 20 hours, though. Plus or minus, right? And I think that's straight through. I think a relay is probably closer to like 16. If we're slamming on the gas and we're just like you go, I go, like mad dashing for 45 minutes to an hour. but I think the important part of all of it is that we finish head attached to a neck, 10 fingers, 10 toes. We raise some money. Cause there there's good people out there. And if you're a good person at home watching this, you know when you see that link below, you should click on that link, right? And you forward it to your friends. We raise a bunch of money. Brock's a hero, because he run he won the fundraiser at the Big Fish Foundation event. If we don't win this fundraiser, he doesn't win it right here, then this wouldn't be a success. I think you might be able to raise more money than you did for the big fish thing. I think Brock Torre: That's a a good challenge. Yeah I Vincent Ruiz: it is. I have seventeen hundred and seventy six reasons why I think he might do better this go around. Yeah, it's gonna be good. It's gonna be good. But I will I will say this, dude, is like committing to is one thing I've introduced you to with the H hour and it's a segue. It's a very natural professional transition is to be exposed to all sorts of professional backdrops. And what I shared with you, and I think at this point you have enough evidence that it's accurate and true, it's never going to get easier. And I think introducing you to the team, some of your colleagues are been exposed to Brooke or myself or different trainings, it's all real, it's all accurate, is a very much a very, very long run way ahead. But when you're working for two seasoned professionals with 30 plus years of experience in the field, both qualified supervisors and high levels of education that jumped out of planes and have done physical, physically fit, difficult things together, it's contagious to be around. People self-select immediately. Absolutely. They're like, Who what do you mean your group supervision is gonna be at 5 a.m. on a Friday with Brooke leading a run? Like, yeah, that's how we do it. Because our time is very valuable. We're gonna go over for a run for 40 minutes. We're gonna talk about the clinical stuff we have going on, we're gonna process it in the office later if we need to individually. And we're gonna keep moving the mission forward because your time is valuable. And I think that's what we're doing. I think Brock is a good example of that. So everybody at home, if you consider yourself a good person, you really want to tune in to the Brock Tory, right? Going for the long walk south, representing himself, his family, Kane University, Veterans, America, and hopefully H Hour, because you're on the training event side, right? Mary's the boss over there. but I think she's doing a good job over there. What do you think of training events? What's happening this fall? Brock Torre: It's fall. Vincent Ruiz: first, got a big event. Brock Torre: We got Secure the Beach, November first. Five thirty AM. What do you think is happening? I think it's it's timed perfectly. We've got you know, day after Halloween, actually the same day w it was last year, but this year we've got daylight savings. Cool. So as it as it's been been phrased, you can you can choose what you want to do with that hour. How do you wanna use that extra hour you get? So one option is to is to join us on the beach at five thirty. Vincent Ruiz: Yeah, and there's small competitive edges, right? It's like, hey, you know, we use it as criteria to be like, hey, if you can walk on the beach for four hours, you can probably serve clients in an office. Four or six clients have the energy to do that. If you can't walk on the beach for four hours, I would submit that it's gonna be difficult to sustain that energy in the chair. Especially with life's demands, right? Spouse, children, house, the loans gotta get cut, the taxes gotta get paid, clients need paperwork done and collaterals and School and forwarding education and I think managing time is a good example of what happens at these beach events. I'm excited. I don't know what's gonna be happening, I don't know the specifics or details, but hopefully I do a little better this time. I was a little I had the cr Brock Torre: We did, yeah. That was Vincent Ruiz: I was in bad shape, dude. I was in really bad shape. But I think I think this one's gonna go be around. Let's see, it'll be it'll be better. Or it won't be better. I don't know. Jamie'll be good. Brock Torre: Always better. They're always better. Vincent Ruiz: Be good. Two years school, we talked about all the good stuff you're done, the fundraising, pushing forward veterans things, Brock. You're optimistic about the future, the work you're gonna be doing. what's maybe two or three things that you would share with other Kane veterans that you're like, hey, these were things were helpful for me and my success. Hey, these things were limiters that I I wouldn't have done or I'd I would have gone about differently. I don't know, whatever you have, what's the the sage wisdom, man? Brock Torre: Yeah, I think that the the veterans office there, Kane Kane Ocean, Kane overall and Kane Ocean individual offices, but a lot of resources there. Yeah. I think leaning into to those resources to help with anything from advising to benefits, work study opportunities, that was huge for me and really just helped me get connected and you know, kinda know what's what and who's who at the university. but also showed me what resources and advantages were available for veteran students. Yeah. you know, early enrollment and you know, choosing classes, priority, priority and choosing classes and, you know, if accommodations are needed and things of that nature. just l a lot of different different opportunities and assistance that I wouldn't have otherwise known was available. So definitely leaning into the the veterans offices and VSOs and certifying officials, whoever it may be at the school. Yeah. They've got a lot of knowledge and and they're there to help. some limiting factors. I would say just you know, mindset. You you really you're you're walking into a different world and I think that you you have to be open to that and different walks of life that people are coming from. And obviously that's that's similar in the military, but I think a lot of that changes coming to school when usually there's a big disparity in age and I think also you know, in maturity, lived experiences, you're in a different different chapter of your life, you've done different things, and you're likely to be amongst people that may have not gotten to that point of their life yet. so I think just being open to that and and you know, giving consideration to that and giving grace to that and and those people rather than letting that, you frustrate you or or hold you back or you know, kinda weigh on your experience. Yeah. Vincent Ruiz: I like that, appreciate that. It's it's to be open minded, right? It's the ultimate test. The classroom, the academic environment does that in a very safe way, I think, for veterans as far as a soft landing, right? Especially if you're goal-oriented and you have a plan entering a program, wherever that program is, it doesn't matter if you're at state school, private institution, MBA, PhD, it doesn't matter. It's like most institutions have plenty of resources, but I would submit as far as the state of New Jersey, Kane University is ahead of the curve and a lot of that Tribute to you and many of the men and women that have come before you and I that have set the groundwork. That Kane Veterans Room didn't exist when I was there ten years ago, right? And I could tell you there were evenings when between classes or whatever it was, because the schedule's crazy, I could have used that. Like I I feel like it would have been convenient and useful, which means at some point somebody echoed it and said it enough that it was created. And I think that's what we're doing here is we're gonna improve whatever we can improve in the fighting position that is the Kane Beth Center. But I would agree with you. I think the the limiting factor is just ourselves, right? Like it's being willing to ask for the appointments with the dean. Hey, who's the boss of this? Who runs this part of the institution? Hey, th this this this office manages this. Can I get 10 minutes of their time and attention, right? And then you become more than just a an email line or a footnote or a face. It it becomes influence where you can gain the attention of of an employee that might have been there for sixty-five years, who's more important than the president of the whole university. And you did that, right? And this patty, right? Like she is the boss, right? And and that is what you learn right away, is who's who in in the zoos. something for me I share with class, and I I shared in the podcast that I'm more comfortable sharing this. because there's a lot of good people that need to hear this. but for me, worldview, not only as a counselor, but just a human, and I think something you've adapted to in your own way, not in Vince's words, but you understand as a counselor. Treat everybody like they they know something you need to know and they have something to offer you, right? Absolutely. And then protect yourself by understanding that they have special needs, to include yourself. You have special needs and I have them. And it's not me being fun, even though people typically crack smirks in an audience or classroom about that, right? Because of all the puns. But the truth of the matter is is if we're really considering and we listen incredibly closely, every single person has special needs, whether they know that or not, right? And and it's our job to be open to listening for those things. Alternatively, boundaries, right? And and I share this is not where you're at necessarily in terms of internship or growth, but it's a preview for your colleagues that may hear this or see this or other people are interested in working with H hour. Is is at the end of the day, you have to reinforce those boundaries and that starts when you get onto campus. And for the veteran community, it's to your point, you're revisiting what those boundaries are and what does it look like in your life depending on the profession you're choosing next. You don't have to fall into line. There's nobody coming to tell you what to do. Right. And I would encourage any veteran to not place limitations on potential earned income or opportunities. You are in the United States of America, right? And to place a limit on that, you're not building a long, long enough runway. There's some people that will work a 40-year career and they get to year 30 and turn it on and figure it out, and they're billionaires overnight. But nobody saw the 30 years of them plugging along, running the experiment, running the experiment, running the experiment, boom, the processor works and everything lines up where the tech. needs to be there to push it forward. Mental health is no different. Well, Veer a little bit, are you okay with that? As we kind of wrap up and a preview of where we're going, because I think this is the first of many podcasts. As much as we started awkward and clunky and we did those recordings for Jamie and she had them scripted and that's not just the way I do things. Cause I consider myself a good person. And as a good person, I don't script things. I want to be natural, authentic for you at home. So if you're in health and in need of help and you need a counselor or a therapist, reach out to Dr. Vince Ruiz at H Hour. We want to provide that service for you. Here, H hour, this is the office. You'll sit like Brock, I'll sit right here, we'll chit chat, you'll turn the timer over, we'll figure out what you have going on at home. Trauma, anxiety, depression, we'll work through all of it. I might even share personal stories with you at home. Right? Because that's what has to be done sometimes. Good thing is last night in class you s saw that I shared a personal bit of my life with the students. How would you rate measure? Is that appropriate or not appropriate? Brock Torre: I think it's absolutely appropriate. I don't think you would do anything that was would be inappropriate. And I think it exemplified what you're looking for out of the students. Yeah. Vincent Ruiz: There you It's a reminder that you can be multiple things in this lifespan because what we were doing there with people that I love and care about was very, very intense real work, right? And it was just to highlight, because you witnessed it, what the importance of the work is. And it was it was Sadar City stuff, stuff in Iraq. very intense, right? But it was appropriate because it part of the assignment is a lifespan narrative to show who you were at some point, who you changed to, who you're gonna become in the future. And I think you did a great job at at that at that time. These students will do a great job as well. But highlighting that you can be something 20 years ago and then look like something completely different. It doesn't mean you're less than or that's not even a thing that you possess anymore, but it's to demonstrate the evolution of a helping professional. We need to evolve to another thing. And for veterans, I think it's the same thing. The stronger our communities with guys getting their PhDs, their law degrees, finishing their MBA, starting businesses, raising money, working in not-for-profits sometimes. and serving in some capacity, I think is incredibly valuable. And I think what veterans bring into the classroom and to campus is levels of leadership that are much needed within their peer groups as appropriate. Right. And so I think that is the tricky part. And something you highlighted, and I think you've done a good job with with your cohort and peer group, is setting a real high standard. Like, hey, I'm I'm going to be on time to class. I'm going to be uber prepared. because at the end of the day, you are seventh round draft pick as far as King University is concerned. Brock Torre: Apparently I am Vincent Ruiz: Never forget. Never never forget. And I know that you're a seventh ground draft target from draft pick as far as gain. But I think that part of that is things of those ex that experience, right? Creates a a little bit of a slight a chip on the shoulder. And I also think it improves performance. Brock Torre: Absolutely. Right. Vincent Ruiz: Because the assumption is is that you have six, fifth, fourth, third, second, and first round draft picks that were welcomed in with open arms and they're underperforming what that status was when they came in. And that's the point of all of it is that You're creating a future that sees, hey, Dr. Brock Tory, LPC, is it in a school, is it clinical mental health? You, as well as myself and every student that comes through as way in those same conversations and discussions and decision points. It's exciting. What do you think happens here? Like make a prediction. Five years, where do you think you're doing? Where you think you're at professionally? Maybe not the specifics or details, that's unfair. You have a lot of changing, but what do you think you're doing as a fundamental part of who you are? Brock Torre: Yeah, five years from now I'd I'd love to think that I'm I'm involved each hour in some capacity. Sure. Counseling. hopefully wrapping up a a doctorate. Yeah. or at least at least in have one in the works. Vincent Ruiz: Yeah. Brock Torre: yeah, I wanna be serving the community. I wanna be serving the you know, the the people that need help and want help in whatever capacity that might be, whether it's clinical counseling, whether it's in a school. I think I think young adults for sure. that's where my head and my heart's at right now. but I think there's there's lots of ways to do that, you know, whether it's coaching, mentoring, whatever it might be. But I'm I'm open to see what what the future holds. casting a wide net and, you know, trying to make myself as available for as many opportunities as I can and then Pick what aligns aligns best. Vincent Ruiz: Yeah, and I think the good thing is that that's the arc, right? That's postgraduate as you start to unfold your professional career, where it can be of service, where's the most value that I add, where can I gain the most value, because it's a reciprocal relationship. no rush to get to those most isn't it, but I think serving in the helping profession is definitely a lot. So how I see it unfolding for you. And I'm grateful to be on the process here. Hopefully Brock Torre: I appreciate that. Vincent Ruiz: you jump onto H hour and then you know, Professor Greenhole, you know, you consider yourself a good person at home. You're probably gonna try to recruit Rock. I'm gonna compete with you, it's gonna be great. Have a wonderful, wonderful day. Brock, anything else for the good of the people? Anything for our event? Anything else anybody needs to hear at home what they have going on? Professor Greenhole, one last time. We're in competition, door a competition. I'll see you November first. Maybe then when I'm fifty I'll slow down. It's okay. Anyway, Brock, what do you think? Anything else for the good of the people? Brock Torre: I'm not sure if you mentioned this, but if you consider yourself a good person, you will donate. And yeah, we're gonna raise some funds for a good cause and and we're also gonna have a good time doing it. Vincent Ruiz: No, we're gonna a great time. I think twenty hours is the mark. If we go over twenty hours, I mean that's okay too. We'll we oughta walk it in, we will. But Jamie's gonna capture and highlight the whole thing. We'll do a little documentary of a whole bunch of reels. it's all in service to the the next veteran, the guy that needs a plus up or maybe a cup of coffee, whatever it is. Maybe maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's Starbucks gift cards. You know, we'll raise five thousand five thousand dollars worth of Starbucks gift cards. I don't know. Caffeine works, right? Caffeine rippets, zins, that's the new generation of veteran. I'm like, you guys don't chew Copenhagen anymore? They're like Never to never to Copenhagen. Disgusting. Right? And it just shows how old I am and that's okay too. Yeah, Brock Torre: Yeah. Vincent Ruiz: yeah, yeah. That's what I've learned. That's what I've learned. But the truth is is I think these are the kind of events that we want to push forward. And for me I I plan to do until the lights go out. So hopefully along the way, we partner along the way. Keep accumulating great people. And Jamie's gonna do a great job with this, and we're gonna find some good people to partner with. It's gonna be great. As always. Brock Torre: Always. Thanks, brother.