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The Key to Deeper Relationships · INSPIRE STORY

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: My best friend took his own life. And I've seen
• 0:01
  him two weeks earlier, Jane, two weeks earlier, and you
• 0:04
  know what I said, This is the saddest, most disappointing
• 0:08
  life experience learning I've ever had. He's going through his
• 0:10
  depression and I'm saying, just be happy, choose happiness. I
• 0:14
  didn't understand mental illness. I didn't understand depression. I didn't
• 0:17
  understand what I was saying, why I was saying it.
• 0:20
  And then he was gone, and then I'm speaking at
• 0:22
  his funeral and I fall apart.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one
• 0:34
  health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every
• 0:36
  single one of you that come back every week to listen,
• 0:39
  to learn and grow. Now you know that I love
• 0:42
  reading books. I love diving into people's minds and stories.
• 0:46
  But what I love especially is when someone had a
• 0:49
  different career, they had a different journey, but they found
• 0:51
  a way to use their platform for a higher purpose,
• 0:55
  using their incredible talent, their skills, their gifts, their lessons
• 0:59
  to have an impact in the world. And today's guest,
• 1:02
  since I've had his book in my home, even before
• 1:05
  I met him, has been doing just that. I'm speaking
• 1:08
  with none other than Scott O'Neill, the author of this
• 1:11
  incredible new book called Be Where Your Feet Are. Seven
• 1:15
  Principles to keep You Present, grounded, and thriving. Now, I
• 1:18
  had this book sent to me and even before I
• 1:22
  read it, i've read it now, But before I read it,
• 1:24
  I would look at this title every day and it
• 1:26
  became an affirmation, it became a mantra, it became a
• 1:29
  part of my life. So when I picked this book up,
• 1:32
  I was already excited to dive in. And today we
• 1:35
  get to sit down with Scott who's here with me
• 1:37
  in the studio, And Scott, I honestly have to tell you,
• 1:40
  from the moment you walked in through the door with
• 1:43
  your friends that you've kindly brought and introduced me to
• 1:45
  as well and people you work with, I felt nothing
• 1:48
  but presence, intentionality, groundedness. And it's beautiful to see that
• 1:55
  and how aligned you are with what you've just written.
• 1:57
  But thank you for being here.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Well, Jay, I'm humbled, first off, and you've taught me
• 2:01
  how to think like a monk. Now I want to
• 2:04
  try to be like a monk, and I hope i'm
• 2:06
  like that in this podcast This is a dream come true.
• 2:09
  You are truly one of the great thought leaders of
• 2:12
  the world. And talking about using a platform, you're influencing people,
• 2:16
  you're driving change, and you're helping us be more grounded
• 2:19
  and more present. So thank you for all you do.
• 2:20
  Speaker 2: No, thank you so much. I hope your wife doesn't
• 2:22
  listen to this part of the podcast. That monk thing,
• 2:24
  the monk thing, I'm going to be massively in trouble
• 2:27
  for and next thing, you know, you're gonna shave your
• 2:29
  head leave home. And that's definitely not That's why I
• 2:33
  think like a monk, don't live like what.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: One of the stories you told that I just absolutely
• 2:36
  love is when you were sent back on the path
• 2:39
  to find something new to me, that is a beware
• 2:42
  your feet our moment. And I think you found a
• 2:44
  rock a stone, right and you said, And what I
• 2:47
  love most is you said, and I placed it back
• 2:49
  there for someone else to find it. And I just thought, man,
• 2:52
  could you imagine if we spend our entire life being
• 2:55
  present so we can discover new things? I say, put
• 2:58
  your phone down, get your head up. And I'm not
• 3:01
  I'm far from perfect in fact, being in the sports business.
• 3:04
  You know, we've lost our fair share of games. I
• 3:06
  have a competitive issue and problem. And I remember coming
• 3:09
  home one night and Lisa is my wife's name, and
• 3:13
  the Sixers we were. We we famously went through this
• 3:16
  thing called the process trust, the process where we took
• 3:18
  the team down. We lost more games over three year
• 3:20
  span than any team in NBA history, and for an
• 3:24
  effort to now we're the number one team. And so
• 3:26
  it for a purpose, purposefully intentionally kind of having a
• 3:30
  long view of the world, which I like. I like
• 3:32
  the sense of, you know, if you want to go
• 3:34
  to the moon, don't bring a ladder type of mentality.
• 3:37
  And I came home. I was anxious, I was upset.
• 3:39
  I was frustrated. We'd just been boot off the court,
• 3:42
  and I was stomping around the house like a child.
• 3:45
  And my wife says, hey, you doing okay? Yeah, I'm
• 3:48
  doing fine. It's like, no, no, what's going on here?
• 3:51
  And I said, well, did you see the game? So yeah, no,
• 3:54
  I watched the game. Did you see the fourth quarter?
• 3:56
  It's like, yes, I saw the fourth quarter. Did you
• 4:00
  hear us being boots? She said, Scott, I didn't even
• 4:02
  need to have the TV on to hear those booths,
• 4:05
  And I said, right, So I'm a little fired up.
• 4:08
  I'm a little frustrated. And she raised her hand at
• 4:11
  me and says, this is not going to work. It's
• 4:15
  not gonna work for me, and it's not gonna work
• 4:17
  for the kids. And I said, well, he said, how
• 4:22
  good is your team? I said, you know, we're not
• 4:24
  going to win a lot of games. She's like, you
• 4:26
  need a new system, you need a new process. This
• 4:28
  is a family. And it really struck me. It struck
• 4:30
  me like, am I being present? Am I the dad
• 4:33
  I want to be? Am I the husband I want
• 4:35
  to be when I come home? And how am I
• 4:36
  letting these outside forces impact and influence who I am
• 4:40
  and who I want to be? And how I want
• 4:42
  my energy to show up? So I was talking to
• 4:44
  a friend of mine and he said, it's a great line.
• 4:46
  He said, I have a worry tree. I said, what's
• 4:48
  a worry tree? He said, well, I come home. I
• 4:51
  put my hand on this tree right outside my house.
• 4:53
  All my words flowed up into the tree, into the universe.
• 4:55
  And then I walk in my house and I said
• 4:57
  to I don't have one of those trees. That's funny.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Why do I get one?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, But I did use that philosophically. When I'm
• 5:06
  in the car, I go silent. I don't listen to
• 5:08
  music anymore. I tried to find some peace in silence.
• 5:11
  If I'm frustrated, I howl at the moon. If I
• 5:14
  need an outlet, I call a friend. But that time
• 5:16
  is my time to decompress, because when I walk in
• 5:19
  that house, I want to be the best version of myself.
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: I love hearing that.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Often what happens is, I think we carry that from
• 5:26
  the car into the home, and then we expect someone
• 5:29
  at home to carry it, or like you experienced, you
• 5:32
  were just lashing out in your own space, and then
• 5:35
  your wife or your kids that are experiencing that energy.
• 5:38
  And it reminds me recently. The first thing I thought
• 5:41
  about when you were saying that is England losing in
• 5:43
  the final of the Euros. And what was fascinating to
• 5:47
  me is that the city of London looked terrible even
• 5:52
  before the game, so it wasn't even that we lost,
• 5:56
  and then everyone chucked trash on the ground. It was
• 5:58
  like there was already trash on the ground, and then
• 6:00
  it got worse and worse and worse, and it's incredible
• 6:04
  how you know. I've seen studies that show how like
• 6:06
  domestic abuse rises when England loses and even when they win,
• 6:10
  and so you can see that these issues that you're
• 6:12
  talking about. For you, it was just the experience of
• 6:15
  your wife noticing you feeling angry and stumping your feet.
• 6:19
  But some of these things can get quite extreme when
• 6:21
  we're dissatisfied and when we're disappointed with our lives.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I think you're right. It reminds me of
• 6:25
  a great story in Camden, New Jersey, which is arguably
• 6:29
  the most violent city in America, and a good friend
• 6:32
  of mine in twenty twelve was named police chief. Name
• 6:35
  is Scott Thompson. Incredible guy and he had a very
• 6:38
  different philosophy on people in policing. And he would put
• 6:44
  all the police officers in the back of a swat
• 6:46
  vehicle driving around dropmin quarters. He said, Hey, if you
• 6:48
  have to go to the bathroom, you better get to
• 6:50
  know the neighbors. He if you're hungry, I hope you
• 6:52
  know who's a good cook on the block, because I'm
• 6:54
  picking you up in twelve hours, so good luck. What
• 6:56
  he was saying was was we have to be part
• 6:59
  of this community, part of the fabric of the community,
• 7:02
  and so the police officers started to get it. They
• 7:04
  started to reclean the streets, they started to roll back
• 7:06
  the open air drug markets, so instead of fifty there
• 7:08
  were now two, so they are contained. They added infrastructure
• 7:11
  in it so they could be smarter, some great technology,
• 7:15
  and then unfortunately, a young teenager was killed by a
• 7:18
  stray bullet from some gang nonsense. And so they came
• 7:22
  in two in the morning on a Saturday night or
• 7:24
  Sunday morning, and all his lieutenants were saying the same thing.
• 7:27
  Let's break out the swat, let's go get them, Let's
• 7:30
  do what we have to do. And he says, no,
• 7:32
  I don't think that's the right answer. And they said,
• 7:34
  let's lock down, let's go door to door, let's find
• 7:36
  who did this. And so he sent to everybody home.
• 7:39
  It was three in the morning, and he walked over
• 7:40
  to a seven eleven and got an ice cream. Imagine
• 7:43
  three in the morning, and he went back to his
• 7:46
  office and he went into there's a little safe where
• 7:49
  they keep money that they take when they arrest somebody,
• 7:52
  and he ordered two ice cream trucks. And the next
• 7:56
  day they drove these trucks trucks. The next day, he
• 7:58
  drove these two trucks on both ends of the street
• 8:01
  because people just retreating to their housemen there's violence. And
• 8:04
  he had the police officers give out free ice cream
• 8:06
  for an entire day. And to me, that's and by
• 8:10
  the way, crime is down sixty five percent, murder rate
• 8:13
  is down forty eight percent, And so can you Is
• 8:16
  it because of the ice cream? No, it's because his
• 8:18
  intention is to love people. His intention is to have
• 8:22
  the community, have the citizens control their destiny and get
• 8:26
  it back. I just again the notion of my wife
• 8:30
  if I pick up a phone and I'm talking to
• 8:31
  her saying like, I'll wait, you know, do we have
• 8:35
  people in our lives that will tell us the truth?
• 8:37
  They love us enough to tell us the truth and
• 8:39
  give us feedback so we can stay present. If you're
• 8:41
  a police chief in a really dangerous city, how are
• 8:44
  you going to be like, how are you going to
• 8:46
  change the world? Because the reality is is like we
• 8:49
  keep throwing the same solutions at the same problems and
• 8:52
  nothing's changing.
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: You said something really important day.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: You said that, you know, we need to surround ourselves
• 8:56
  with people who can be honest with us and tell
• 8:58
  us the truth, but we always have to be a.
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: To receive that.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: Often a lot of us have people in our lives
• 9:03
  that are honest with us. I'm sure there's many people's
• 9:05
  wives or husbands or partners or kids that have looked
• 9:07
  them in the face and said, I need you to
• 9:10
  think differently about your life. What have you done differently
• 9:14
  on the receiving end of that feedback, and how have
• 9:17
  you processed that feedback uniquely so that you don't retaliate
• 9:23
  with your ego or your insecurity of like, well, you
• 9:25
  don't know how hard I'm working.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: You don't know how hard it is to run.
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: A team and do this and start, you know, start
• 9:31
  noting down all your winds and all your achievements.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: How do you do that without ego?
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I think that a common language helps. In our house,
• 9:40
  if you walked into our house and you were leaving
• 9:41
  the back door, you would see APIs soon positive tent,
• 9:44
  the letters API etched into stone outside of our house.
• 9:47
  All of our daughters have API carved into rocks, sitting
• 9:51
  on their dressers and every chip. We have chalkboards in
• 9:54
  our house. It's a house of girls, and there's API
• 9:57
  written on every single one of them, so that's assumed
• 10:00
  positive intent. We also use the term palms up, meaning
• 10:03
  you're literally your palms are up. I'm open to listening,
• 10:06
  learning and loving. I'm not closed off, frustrated. I don't
• 10:11
  know everything. I haven't solved every problem on palms up.
• 10:15
  And so if there's an issue, if there's an issue
• 10:16
  in our house, if there's an issue at work, an
• 10:19
  executive Mike Kim and say Scott, because they know I'm
• 10:22
  very emotional, Scott, I need you, Api, and I need
• 10:25
  your palms up. And what they're saying to me in
• 10:27
  their own way is I know you're emotional. I know
• 10:31
  you're very competitive, I know you're very driven. I know
• 10:34
  you want to quote unquote when. But what I need
• 10:37
  is I need your ideas. I need your love, I
• 10:40
  need your understanding, and I need your solutions. So come
• 10:43
  play with me. And so that's helped me the most
• 10:45
  kind of overcome my own human frailty of emotion and
• 10:50
  ego and all that other crap that doesn't allow us
• 10:52
  to be the best version of ourselves.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Sorry you talk about it in the book, obviously, API,
• 10:57
  I thought that was beautiful.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: I'm going to stop putting.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: That in my office is inspired by you and sharing
• 11:02
  that with everyone.
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: I'm me.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: I absolutely love that when I read about it, and
• 11:05
  just for anyone who missed it, assume positive intent. I
• 11:09
  think that is such an incredible way to live. How
• 11:11
  did you learn to live that way? I'm sure you've
• 11:13
  had experiences where you've assumed positive intent and people have
• 11:16
  taken advantage of you, and or people came in with
• 11:19
  malicious intent, or people came in How did you continue
• 11:23
  to practice that? I think a lot of people who
• 11:25
  are listening, they'll be thinking, right now, I love that,
• 11:28
  but too many people have taken advantage of me. Sure,
• 11:31
  how have you continued to do that throughout your career
• 11:33
  in family and profession.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: It's such a different way to go through life. I
• 11:38
  always say, when you have that one finger pointing out,
• 11:41
  you've got these three pointing right back at you. And
• 11:43
  I love to spend more time focusing on the guy
• 11:46
  in the mirror. We spend so much time blaming or
• 11:49
  assigning blame, or looking for excuses or finding ten reasons
• 11:53
  why I can't or this guy took advantage of me,
• 11:57
  or this woman was too nasty, and how could I
• 11:59
  assume positives? And she was mean zone post has nothing
• 12:01
  to do with her attitude, It has nothing to do
• 12:04
  with how malicious he is. Has all to do with me,
• 12:07
  because I am in control, I have the right intentions. Again,
• 12:10
  I perfectly say this. I'm not perfectly perfect in this area,
• 12:13
  of course, but I'm living my best self. I'm giving
• 12:17
  you the benefit of the doubt every time. What's the alternative?
• 12:19
  The alternative is is that, Jay, you said something I
• 12:21
  didn't like last week, Or I was in church and
• 12:24
  a woman was up talking and she said something I
• 12:26
  didn't like, Or my sister took my shirt, or my
• 12:31
  teacher I got a bad grade on a test, And
• 12:33
  so what does that do? Well, Jay, I don't want
• 12:35
  to talk to you. Next time I talk to you.
• 12:37
  When you come in, I'm walking out the door. Your
• 12:39
  boss sends you a text and immediately your blood pressure rises.
• 12:42
  That is not a great way to any sort of success.
• 12:45
  It just isn't. Personally, and how you go through to
• 12:48
  life and life is better. You're happier, you're more grounded,
• 12:52
  the interactions are better. But we've all been uptight with
• 12:55
  that one person, right, that one person that gets your goat.
• 12:58
  You know, for a teenage girls, their mother, Like, your
• 13:00
  mother can say anything to you have three teenage daughters
• 13:03
  her Their mother can say, hey, do you mind grabbing
• 13:05
  that sweatshirt off the stairs? What mom? Because I'm a
• 13:09
  mess because I can't clean my room. We're like, no,
• 13:11
  I just wanted you to grab the sweatshirt so there's
• 13:13
  no one trips on it. Yeah, I've got an awful
• 13:15
  story about that. I'm going to share it. It's completely
• 13:17
  on the edge, okay, please, so I haven't. My oldest
• 13:20
  daughter is Alexa. She's twenty one years old. And when
• 13:24
  she and she's wonderful. When she was a teenager, she
• 13:26
  wasn't so wonderful. She was always wonderful, but not wonderful
• 13:29
  with her mother. And amazingly, I have this wife who's
• 13:33
  just terrific. She is balanced and smart and driven and
• 13:38
  intellectually curious and tough and strong, and she's just wonderful.
• 13:44
  Those two together. When my daughter was a teenager, she
• 13:47
  wasn't so wonderful. Okay. So I would walk in the
• 13:49
  house and I'd be like, they would be arguing over nothing,
• 13:51
  and I would say, can you two just go away,
• 13:55
  just separate, like two wonderful people just boiling water and
• 13:59
  argued about everything for nothing, and so one particular Thanksgiving,
• 14:02
  I've never told the story publicly. It's going to be awesome.
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: One particular Thanksgiving, my mom was there and my sister,
• 14:07
  and my sister's a single mom with her son, and
• 14:09
  they're in the kitchen roll making potatoes and all the
• 14:11
  stuffing and all this stuff, and Lisa sounds something like this, Alexa,
• 14:16
  get downstairs and get your clothes off the stairs. And
• 14:18
  I'm like looking at her, like, I don't think I've
• 14:21
  ever heard of raise your voice. This is going to
• 14:22
  be awesome. And Alexi says, Mom, what did you say?
• 14:26
  I'm like, oh boy, here we go. Now my mother
• 14:29
  is here. So I kind of look at my mom like.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: I love you.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: Sorry. So they go back and forth. Get down here
• 14:37
  right now, she goes, you want me to come here
• 14:39
  right now? Yes, right there, get down the stairs, right down, mom.
• 14:43
  I'm like, She walks down the stairs, not a single
• 14:47
  article of clothing on, completely naked, walks down the stairs,
• 14:52
  picks up the clothes, looks my wife dead in the eye,
• 14:56
  turns around and walks upstairs. And the only thing my
• 15:00
  mother could muster say is well she is confident hunt.
• 15:06
  Now in that particular story, nobody's assuming positive tent except
• 15:10
  for my mother. I'm not you know, I'm like, Lista, stop, Alexa,
• 15:16
  just stop. And they're not with each other. And I wonder, like,
• 15:20
  how many interactions like that do we have in our
• 15:22
  lives that we can change and fix by worrying about us,
• 15:26
  not the people we're dealing with. Give them the benefit
• 15:28
  of doubt. Clear your head, going empty headed and ready
• 15:31
  to engage into conversations.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you for taking us there, because I'm so
• 15:36
  glad you told that story because we always assume that
• 15:39
  we have positive intent. So often we assume at any
• 15:42
  given scenario, I've got good intention. Everyone else I'm not
• 15:45
  so sure about. But the example you just told us,
• 15:47
  no one had good intention abof with your mother, as.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: You say, And I can't unsee that as a dad,
• 15:51
  just so yes, yeah, I'll never unsee that.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: And I love that idea of when you think you're
• 15:55
  stopping someone, you think that it's a positive intention, right,
• 15:58
  but actually there's something much deeper happening. And one thing
• 16:01
  that you said that I was literally talking about this
• 16:03
  morning with a friend was the idea of why we're
• 16:06
  so addicted to the news, and I was speaking about
• 16:09
  this with someone else saying, the reason we're so addicted
• 16:11
  to the news is because it makes us believe the
• 16:12
  problem is out there. It makes us believe the problems
• 16:15
  over here. So the issues over here, the challenge is
• 16:18
  over there, that place, that country, they've got issues. It
• 16:22
  stops you from having to actually take a look at
• 16:25
  the person in the mirror, as you said, yes, and
• 16:26
  it just keeps telling you everything's going on out there,
• 16:28
  all the problems, all the enemies, all the challenges all
• 16:31
  out there, and let's be scared of out there. But
• 16:33
  you then never get a chance to say, well, what
• 16:36
  am I going to work on today?
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: You know? What do I need to do about?
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Agree in say? And I feel like that with my
• 16:41
  friends that live all over the world. Is if we
• 16:43
  had you know, something happens, Is it really dangerous there?
• 16:46
  I'm like yeah, no. Or I talked to a friend
• 16:47
  of Jerusalem and I'll say, is everything okay? They're like, yeah,
• 16:51
  now there was a bombing of last week it was Tuesday,
• 16:54
  you know, you know. Or my friends in China they're like,
• 16:57
  is it really bad there? I'm like, no, it's actually
• 17:00
  wonderful here. It's really interesting. Yeah, those snippets and news
• 17:03
  are impacting us and influencing us.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: And again I'm not saying don't want the news be informed,
• 17:07
  and you're saying that that mentality for sure of what
• 17:11
  you were saying, getting lost in blame discontent, Yes, feeling
• 17:16
  like the issues there. There are issues there, of course
• 17:18
  there are. But as you were saying, it's about starting
• 17:20
  with us.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I wanted to tell you a little bit I was
• 17:22
  telling you before that I was in Mosambique, which is
• 17:25
  one of the it's the third poorest country in the world. Wow,
• 17:27
  terrible employment rates, abject poverty. I went over there with
• 17:32
  my seventeen year old daughter Kire to help build a
• 17:34
  school this incredible organization called hef EHGFY. I don't have
• 17:37
  any discernible skills. I can barely hold a hammer. I
• 17:40
  am worthless around the house.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: That makes me feel a lot better. Okay, nothing, Yes,
• 17:46
  my wife's a million times better.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: It's really humbling. And my father, my father in law,
• 17:51
  grew up you know, building houses, so bad. Story is
• 17:54
  not grown up anyway. Nonetheless, I met this work site,
• 17:56
  construction site. The former doesn't speak English and I don't
• 17:59
  speak Forese, and you know to any of the teenagers
• 18:02
  we're with, and so I volunteer for unskilled labor. I'm thinking, like,
• 18:05
  that's the safest place. Put me in a cement mixing.
• 18:07
  So I'm in this little cement mixing area and mixing cement.
• 18:11
  I mean it's not hard, but it's simple. It's you know,
• 18:13
  you carry these one hundred and ten pound bags of
• 18:16
  cement one hundred yards. You drop four for every two
• 18:20
  wheelbarrows of sand you put in, and then you mix water.
• 18:23
  And I'm nine hours, okay of doing this. I'm thinking
• 18:26
  like there's a lot of things going through my mind
• 18:29
  and I can barely sit still for ten minutes, and
• 18:32
  it's hard work. And I just kept thinking about the
• 18:34
  water and how that might be reflective of us, because
• 18:39
  if you put too much water in a cement, a
• 18:41
  spen's worthless. It just runs away and it becomes nothing.
• 18:44
  And if you don't put enough water into that cement,
• 18:47
  it becomes hard, also worthless. And I thought about that
• 18:51
  in relation to us. It's like, what are those things
• 18:54
  in our lives that we do too much of? You know,
• 18:57
  the simple ones when you're talking to teenagers are really simple.
• 18:59
  It's like put your phone down, stop at the social
• 19:02
  media enough for the TikTok videos it might be, And
• 19:06
  then what aren't we doing enough of? Are we spending
• 19:09
  time intentionally meditating or praying or reading scriptures if that's
• 19:13
  something that you do. Are you taking care of your body?
• 19:16
  Are you taking care of your mind? What are you
• 19:18
  learning today? Are you practicing gratitude? You know? So? I think,
• 19:23
  like to me, I had so many moments in Mozambique,
• 19:27
  in particularly on the construction site, where I was like, huh,
• 19:32
  how analogous is this for life?
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: When I hear that, it sounds like sometimes we have
• 19:37
  to get out of our own comfort zones areas that
• 19:41
  we think we learn, get out of the classroom almost
• 19:44
  like that seems like an amazing classroom, even though you
• 19:46
  didn't go there for that lesson, or you didn't sign
• 19:49
  up for that course or program that you went there,
• 19:52
  and that's the lesson you took away. What have you
• 19:54
  found over your whole career? Do you think you've learned
• 19:57
  more lessons away from classrooms? And I don't mean schools
• 20:01
  or universities or colleges. I mean have you learned some
• 20:04
  of the biggest life lessons when you're away.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: From home team or you know, home stadium.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: I consider myself a lifelong learner. I love to walk
• 20:14
  through the world thinking about how I might grow or learn.
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: That's how I watched Where does that come from?
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: Boy? I grew up with two parents, both PhDs. We
• 20:27
  didn't have many means when we were young, and they
• 20:29
  were entrepreneurs, so I saw a lot of things. I mean,
• 20:33
  I was collating. My parents became a management leadership team
• 20:36
  building type, trainers for Xerox and ADP and Textco and big,
• 20:40
  big companies around the world. Eventually as I got older,
• 20:42
  so I was collating books. I saw my mom present
• 20:45
  when she was in I don't know, I was probably
• 20:48
  twelve years old to Xerox, all white men at the time.
• 20:51
  That was the day and age in the eighties, and
• 20:54
  I see this little five foot two Italian woman and
• 20:57
  making them laugh and making them cry and making them
• 21:00
  think and pushing them, and I just remember just wanting
• 21:04
  to be her and wanting to grow and be different
• 21:08
  and interesting and interested, and I mean I was literally
• 21:12
  that was probably the first moment in my life where
• 21:14
  I'm like, Okay, I need to know more, but I
• 21:18
  do love. I walk through the world thinking about what
• 21:21
  I can learn and what I found is and I'd
• 21:23
  be interested in your insights in there. I seem to
• 21:25
  learn a lot more when I chip and fall. You know,
• 21:29
  I ended up. I wrote this book when my best
• 21:31
  friend took his own life, like he is my best friend.
• 21:33
  I'd seen him two weeks earlier, Jay, two weeks earlier,
• 21:37
  and you know what I said, this is the saddest,
• 21:39
  most disappointing, frustrating life experience learning I've ever had. Is
• 21:47
  he's going through his depression, and I'm saying, just be happy,
• 21:51
  choose happiness. Hey, will, You're gotta be fine, Go serve
• 21:55
  people when I'm sad. I served people like I had
• 21:57
  no idea I had. I didn't understand mental illness. I
• 22:01
  didn't understand depression. I didn't understand what I was saying,
• 22:04
  why I was saying it. And then he was gone,
• 22:07
  and then I'm speaking at his funeral and I fall apart,
• 22:12
  and I fall apart in a way that you know,
• 22:15
  I couldn't get out of bed, I couldn't fall asleep,
• 22:18
  or I couldn't get out of bed. And then I
• 22:19
  would be in a meeting at work and someone would
• 22:21
  say something completely unrelated. I would burst into tears and
• 22:23
  walk out for three months. Didn't raise my hand, No,
• 22:28
  I need help, didn't raise my hand. And I started
• 22:31
  to write to heal. And what I started to write
• 22:34
  was all around stories of where I slipped and fell
• 22:37
  and fell down and learned. And one of the things
• 22:41
  that I've come to which I'm interested in bouncing off
• 22:44
  you and seeing where your what your thoughts are. But
• 22:46
  I have a formula for mental health and it's you
• 22:51
  do something for your mind. Something for your body, is
• 22:54
  something for your soul. Every day you get the right
• 22:56
  amount of sleep, you practice gratitude, and it be where
• 23:00
  your feed are, meaning you put your phone down and
• 23:01
  get your head up. Now, something for your mind. To
• 23:04
  me sounds simple, but people don't do it because we're
• 23:07
  on the treadmill and all we do is work or
• 23:09
  whatever we're doing, we're doing. And you've got to have
• 23:12
  an interest outside of work. You have to have a passion.
• 23:14
  You have to be learning. It doesn't have to be complicated.
• 23:16
  It could be a Ted talk, it could be this podcast,
• 23:20
  it could be an article. But you've got to be
• 23:21
  learning and stretching your mind in different ways. Your body.
• 23:24
  You have to take care of yourself and for me,
• 23:27
  it's pick up basketball or a peloton. If I can't
• 23:30
  get a run in, I'm on a peloton for forty
• 23:32
  five minutes. And I'm not advocating for anything for anyone.
• 23:35
  And if you haven't haven't worked out, and you're more
• 23:37
  happy sitting on a couch, go for a walk for
• 23:39
  twenty minutes, get the heart rate up a little bit.
• 23:42
  And then the soul at work. It's easy to talk
• 23:44
  about on your podcast, harder at work and work environments,
• 23:47
  but you know you have to feed your soul. And
• 23:50
  for me that's prayer and scriptures and going to church
• 23:53
  and having a strong faith. And I know that doesn't
• 23:55
  work for everybody. That's okay, but you need to find stillness.
• 23:58
  And that stillness can be meditation, it can be yoga,
• 24:01
  it can be sitting out and listening to the birds
• 24:03
  chirp in the morning. And sleep is the most misunderstood
• 24:08
  superpower you can ever have, because when I was growing
• 24:11
  up in the business world, it was sleeps for the week.
• 24:14
  Money never sleeps. You need four hours get back to work.
• 24:18
  And when I found it, we brought in sleep experts
• 24:19
  with our athletes, with the Sixers and Devils, and they
• 24:22
  all say the same thing. You need sleep. Sleep lets
• 24:25
  the mind, body, and soul heal. And so you need
• 24:28
  somewhere between six and a half and eight and a
• 24:29
  half hours, depending on what your DNA is and your
• 24:31
  makeup and your lifestyle. And then gratitude. I know you
• 24:35
  talk about gratitude, but when Will passed away, died, took
• 24:39
  his own life, I wanted to move from grief to gratitude.
• 24:43
  But that was hard for me and it was the
• 24:45
  one thing that lifted me up every day. And I
• 24:48
  had this practice, and when I speak to corporate groups,
• 24:51
  I always tell them I start the session every time
• 24:53
  and I say, Okay, take your phone out because they
• 24:55
  think I'm gonnay put your phones down, and say nope,
• 24:56
  get your phones out. I want you to text your
• 24:58
  mom and I want you to tell that you love her,
• 25:01
  why you appreciate her as something you learn from her,
• 25:04
  Because when I did that to my mom going through
• 25:06
  my own healing process, my mom said, the worst thing
• 25:08
  you could ever hear from your mother, hun, are you okay?
• 25:12
  And we need to be better and do better? Yeah,
• 25:14
  but practicing gratitude. So my challenge is is sixty seconds
• 25:17
  a day, said the note of gratitude, love, or appreciation
• 25:20
  to someone in your life. Sixty seconds, not sixty minutes,
• 25:24
  not sixty hours, not sixty months, sixty seconds a day,
• 25:28
  and then be where your feet are is put your
• 25:30
  phone down and head up. And we all need rules
• 25:32
  because we can't regulate. It's very hard and our rules. Look,
• 25:35
  my teenage dotars hate our rules because the phones aren't
• 25:38
  in the phones and electronic devices are not in their rooms,
• 25:41
  and they're not in the kitchen, So no better in
• 25:42
  no kitchen for all of us. We have regulations on
• 25:46
  how much social media they can actually watch. I know
• 25:48
  nobody wants to say it and do it, and I
• 25:49
  wish they could regulate. But you know what, I've been
• 25:52
  the victim of some really tough criticism on Twitter and Reddit. Okay,
• 25:56
  I've been attacked and come after it. And I consider
• 25:59
  myself very confident, very self assured, stable, and I feel
• 26:04
  a part a few times, and I wonder, like, if
• 26:07
  that's happened to me, what's happening to a fourteen year
• 26:09
  old girl who's seeing her friends at a party on
• 26:14
  Instagram that she's not invited to. She's falling apart, she's
• 26:17
  not feeling good about herself. It's not feeling good about
• 26:19
  her body. She's figuring out what she has to wear,
• 26:20
  how she wants to do it. But we have to
• 26:23
  set If we can't regulate ourselves, we need to put
• 26:26
  rules in. I go out to dinner the other day.
• 26:28
  What happens My friends are sitting at the table on
• 26:31
  their phone. I'm like, guys, we don't seen you set here?
• 26:33
  Speaker 3: What are we doing?
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: Put your phones in your car? Yeah, And so I
• 26:36
  think it's going back to simple. Do something for your mind,
• 26:39
  something for your body, something for your soul. Every day,
• 26:41
  get some sleep, practice gratitude, and be with your feet.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: Are I love that I completely align with you. The
• 26:47
  thing that I loved about what you were saying that
• 26:49
  stood out to me, which I appreciate, is you calling
• 26:51
  out toxic positivity. So I appreciate you calling out toxic
• 26:55
  positivity because you saying that, Hey, when Will told me
• 27:00
  that he was sad, I just told him to be happy.
• 27:02
  When he was struggling with this, I told him, well,
• 27:04
  this is what I do. Why don't you just try it?
• 27:06
  And I think that's such a valuable conversation to have.
• 27:12
  What were the conversations you learned after you lost him,
• 27:16
  that you felt you should have been having with him
• 27:18
  or could have been having with him, and that our
• 27:21
  listeners could be having with people, because I think what's
• 27:24
  also happened is that there are so many people in
• 27:26
  our lives that are now considered the drain or they're like,
• 27:30
  oh God, I don't want to see them because they're
• 27:31
  a headache. They always drain me. It's always about them,
• 27:34
  but you never know what someone's going through.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: After my cement mixing days, I got quote unquote promoted
• 27:40
  to wheelbarrowing cements. Okay, so now I hit the big time.
• 27:45
  And the way you wheel cement and I've done it
• 27:47
  as a fourteen year old where I was digging pools
• 27:50
  is you know, you get this heavy wheelbarrow and you
• 27:54
  just cruise it down this little two by four and
• 27:55
  there's a hard left. It goes up on the sidewalk.
• 27:58
  You move it down to the classroom or building and
• 28:00
  kid two kids pick it up and you wheel into classroom.
• 28:02
  Pretty simple, but it's heavy.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: I'm like a.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: Relatively fit guy. Now I'm a man. When I was fourteen,
• 28:07
  I could barely, you know, I could barely, but I
• 28:08
  was like, I got this covered. So the first time
• 28:11
  I get this wheelbarrow and I am cruising down a
• 28:13
  little faster and not hope down the slope and I
• 28:16
  go to make the left turn and I can't move it,
• 28:18
  and I go right into the sand. Okay, into the
• 28:20
  sand at speed or at speed okay, no cement comes out.
• 28:25
  And now I'm moving it at it probably like an
• 28:27
  inch every ten seconds, and I'm like just leaning in
• 28:30
  with my thigh just to kind of push it forward.
• 28:32
  And these two teenage girls, one of them whom was
• 28:36
  my daughter, come and they're like, hey, Scott, you need help. Sure,
• 28:40
  they pick it up, put me back on this two
• 28:42
  by four and I'm on my way. Okay, that's my
• 28:44
  first trip. So the lesson and how it relates to
• 28:49
  your question, Well, one is is that path to me
• 28:53
  that two by four? That's life? And guess what. Life's
• 28:56
  messy and life's hard. And we think like we have
• 29:01
  this fairy tale and we're growing up. We have this
• 29:03
  vision of who we want to be and where we
• 29:05
  want to go and what we're going to accomplish. And me,
• 29:08
  I remember someone tell me every CEO gets fired. I
• 29:11
  was like, I'm not getting fired. Every startup guy goes
• 29:14
  banging on. That's not gonna happen me. Both happen to me, okay.
• 29:17
  And so so I'm sending in the sand and I
• 29:20
  get the offer to help. And you might say, like,
• 29:24
  how humbling was that to have two teenage girls help you.
• 29:26
  I was like, I have a house of teenage goes.
• 29:28
  I now strong, the r and now smarty. I didn't
• 29:29
  bother me at all. They put me back on. But
• 29:32
  I thought about that whole analogy of like how hard
• 29:35
  it is to be on that two by four? And
• 29:36
  then I thought about and for me, two by four
• 29:39
  is going through my six steps, some some for my body,
• 29:42
  something for my soul, sleep, gratitude, being where my feet are, Okay,
• 29:45
  living the right way, making the right decisions, having high integrity,
• 29:50
  serving others, having true purpose, and developing people because that
• 29:53
  we all have need. And I know you talk about
• 29:55
  this in your book Lot It's like we all need
• 29:56
  our why, our own personal why. And so if I'm
• 29:58
  living that, it's hard, okay, but you know it's harder
• 30:01
  not living it. That's the irony that you don't think about. Yeah, right,
• 30:05
  Because now I'm in the sand, and the sand for
• 30:07
  me is sin or mistakes or bad decisions or not
• 30:11
  assuming positive tent, or not focusing on what's most important
• 30:14
  in my life. That's the sand. You know what I needed,
• 30:17
  just like Will needed. Just raise my hand, Hey, guys,
• 30:21
  ladies can come help me here. And with someone suffering
• 30:26
  from depression and really struggling, they need help. I'm not
• 30:28
  going to be able to help someone. He needs to
• 30:30
  check into a facility. I needs professional help and medication,
• 30:33
  and he'd done that before and I will. You know,
• 30:36
  that's something that I think about a lot, quite frankly.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: And thank you for sharing that, and thank you for
• 30:43
  writing about it in the book and creating the book
• 30:44
  from that place, because you know, it takes a lot
• 30:47
  of courage to say that what you just said and
• 30:50
  what you're sharing and even sharing all of this based
• 30:52
  on a loss, because there's so much self reflection that
• 30:56
  comes with that. And when you were saying that journey
• 30:58
  from grief to gratitude was, you know, the most difficult
• 31:02
  journey and obviously will continue to be.
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: In the book, you also.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: Talk about how to create presents and your four steps
• 31:09
  for creating presents, and I wanted to talk about them
• 31:12
  individually because I find these to be really deeply profound
• 31:17
  and insightful if we can really get, if we can
• 31:20
  really go there with us trust. And so the first
• 31:22
  one's find a perspective. And I find like that is something,
• 31:26
  as you talk about the book, when you're moving at
• 31:28
  one hundred and fifteen miles per hour, when you've got
• 31:31
  all this going on, finding perspective is the thing that
• 31:34
  we never do. And if we do it, we do
• 31:36
  it once, maybe for our New Year's resolutions, or maybe
• 31:39
  on our birthday if you're lucky, How do you truly
• 31:42
  stop to find perspective? What has helped you when you've
• 31:45
  been at your busiest, hectic, most chaotic weeks, days, months.
• 31:49
  Speaker 3: And years.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: For me, it's coming home and the humility of being
• 31:53
  a father helpful lot, It really does. Changing a diaper helps,
• 31:57
  taking out the garbage helps. I love hearing, going to
• 32:00
  grab grocery helps. But you know, we all have those
• 32:02
  moments in our life where we truly find where we
• 32:06
  truly find humility and perspective. And I don't mean to
• 32:10
  go back, keep going back to Mosambic, but I'm going
• 32:12
  to It's like I'm in houses without any running water
• 32:16
  or electricity, and I'm thinking to me, and I'm looking
• 32:19
  out over a work site and the kids are under
• 32:21
  a tree in the shade with a blackboard and a teacher,
• 32:23
  and I'm thinking, like, life isn't fair. Here's a story
• 32:28
  in the book about Dave Schaller, who's a dear friend
• 32:31
  who grew up in a trailer park and was mad.
• 32:34
  You know, it's like, why do why is this my
• 32:37
  lot in life? His dad had some addiction issues and
• 32:39
  was at a shelter and they were going to pick
• 32:41
  him up, and he pulls up to the shelter and
• 32:44
  he remembers, even at a young age, he's got three
• 32:45
  younger siblings, and he's feeling mad, not awkward, not mad.
• 32:52
  And as his dad's walking down the stairs, he looks
• 32:54
  to the left and there's a woman with a blue
• 32:55
  Duffel bag. She's got three kids, and instantly he finds perspective.
• 33:00
  She's got nowhere to go. He'sn't have a trailer, she
• 33:03
  didn't have a crappy astrovan to take me home, and
• 33:06
  she's got no dad to pick up. Even with all
• 33:07
  his issues. This is it for her and for him.
• 33:11
  That was that grounding moment for me. Quite frankly, my
• 33:14
  faith has given me so it's putting my feet on
• 33:17
  the ground, you know, the humility to get on your
• 33:20
  knees and be prayerful and humble and understand kind of
• 33:27
  your role, your place, the dot you have in the
• 33:35
  universe and has really helped the trips like Mosambique. I've
• 33:39
  had daughters. One of my my oldest daughter, the one
• 33:42
  that I told you about about her episode, she's served
• 33:45
  in a Syrian refugee camp in Athens. She's been with
• 33:49
  orphans in Zambia, living on a dirt floor. You know
• 33:52
  what I'm thinking, like, good for these kids, our next gen,
• 33:57
  our gen zs. They're special, They're different, and there's special
• 34:00
  and they they have this incredible light and life and
• 34:06
  social contract which is different for employers and for all
• 34:09
  of us. And I love how they're global citizens, and
• 34:14
  I love how they don't see the world like we
• 34:15
  do it. And I love how their expectation is that
• 34:19
  that we do things differently and that we help each
• 34:22
  other and that we serve one another, and that we
• 34:25
  love one another. And that's the expectation. And if you don't,
• 34:28
  if you're an employer and you don't do it, let's leave. Yeah,
• 34:31
  they don't have cars, no house, they don't care, they
• 34:33
  don't hell their jobs. I love the way the world
• 34:35
  is going. And I know a lot of people are
• 34:37
  they're down. They're down, they've been down in America, or
• 34:40
  they're down in the world, or they're down in the
• 34:41
  next generation, or it's not the same. I don't I
• 34:44
  don't agree. I love this I love this country, and
• 34:48
  I know we struggle, but we struggle out loud, you know.
• 34:50
  We struggle with free press. We struggle with being better.
• 34:54
  We struggle with like meeting the ideals that we have
• 34:56
  that are so unrealistic and so high and not attainable,
• 34:59
  and we struggle to get there. And I love that struggle.
• 35:02
  I love the fight, and I love that there are sides.
• 35:04
  I wish we did it differently. I wish we didn't
• 35:07
  curate our own media so much and create all this friction.
• 35:10
  I wish that we had a vision for doing something
• 35:13
  better and being something better together. But I do. I do.
• 35:16
  I am grateful, I am grounded, and I have perspective,
• 35:20
  and a lot of that is intentional. A lot of
• 35:23
  it's like, how are you spending your Thanksgiving? Yeah, you know,
• 35:27
  how are you spending your summer vacations? How are we
• 35:30
  raising our children. Are we willing to learn from our children?
• 35:34
  Are we learned to listen to them? They know, they
• 35:37
  know how to treat each other. So I think they're
• 35:39
  a whole. It's a whole host of questions and a
• 35:41
  complicated answer to a really complicated question.
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: No, I mean I asked the question because I think
• 35:47
  as soon as you answered it, it was really clear
• 35:49
  what your perspective is, where your focus is. And you
• 35:53
  can go on Instagram and find a very different perspective.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: Or you could be following places of ality service work
• 36:01
  and you could get that perspective too.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: The thing is today you can go on YouTube and
• 36:05
  search Mozambique Building schools and you can find an incredible
• 36:08
  video about the inspiring stories that are right there. You
• 36:12
  don't have to visit, you don't have to have the
• 36:13
  means to go over there and help to be a
• 36:15
  part of this. And we found that this year, my
• 36:18
  wife and I led a COVID relief for India. That's
• 36:22
  amazing because India was going through just so much. We
• 36:24
  knew that one person was dying every five minutes. The
• 36:27
  resources and the infrastructure didn't exist. My wife and I
• 36:29
  are heritages from India. My monk life was spent in India,
• 36:32
  so I feel a certain level of responsibility towards India.
• 36:36
  And what I saw was that everyone's perspective was down
• 36:39
  in Like our social media community raised five million dollars
• 36:44
  in one weekend, and that to me showed just how
• 36:50
  incredible the perspective is when.
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: People are dalted. I know how amazing my community is.
• 36:55
  I love that, And it showed me the power.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: Of when everyone's like, oh, what social media does this?
• 36:58
  And social media, I'm like, we can have done this
• 37:00
  without social media.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: But your intention is pure.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: And so is all community.
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: And your community is pure, and you're and the love
• 37:07
  that you show and have and the way you even
• 37:11
  celebrate your listeners and who comment like I that community
• 37:14
  is it's a jay shatty community. I mean, it's wonderful
• 37:17
  and full of love. And I agree. It's like when
• 37:19
  I say, pick up your phone and text your mom
• 37:21
  or text my your love or I'm going to use
• 37:24
  my social media platform for good. That intention that like
• 37:27
  how you set your day. I'd love to talk about
• 37:29
  that too. It's like I'd be so interested in how
• 37:31
  you set your day every day. I mean, we talk
• 37:33
  about doing it through a leadership constitution or a mantra.
• 37:36
  But they're like, I don't know, I just invite. I'd
• 37:39
  be interested, like do you set a like? Do you
• 37:41
  read something? Do you say something? How do you how
• 37:43
  do you set your intention for the day.
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's changed over time, and now I always try
• 37:48
  and find a patent because I like patterns, and I
• 37:51
  like routines, and I like commitment, and so it's changed
• 37:55
  over time. At one point, this was truly one of
• 37:57
  my favorite morning routines. Every day I would wake up and
• 38:01
  I would listen to Steve Jobs his commencement speech at Stamford,
• 38:05
  and I listened to it every day, and I listened
• 38:08
  to it every day for nine months. And I promise
• 38:11
  you not only did I know the words off my heart,
• 38:14
  but the words like started to really affect my heart
• 38:16
  to the point that I realized that all the choices
• 38:19
  I made were all based on his voice in my head.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: Now I didn't know Steve Jobs. I don't even know
• 38:24
  anyone who knows Steve's.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: Jobs, but I feel like I know him because I've
• 38:28
  spent so much time studying his life and listening to
• 38:31
  him and reading through his work.
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: So that was something I did. I don't do that anymore,
• 38:36
  but that was something I did. Recently.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: We had Matthew McConaughey on the podcast and I told
• 38:40
  him that at one point I listened to his speech
• 38:42
  from the Oscars when he won for Dallas Buyers Club.
• 38:46
  I think that was a movie he won for and
• 38:48
  it's a five minute speech and it's his Oscar's acceptance speech.
• 38:52
  It's rooted in faith and God and growth. It's beautiful
• 38:58
  and I listened to it every day for thirty days,
• 39:00
  and that was my link that I did first thing
• 39:02
  in the morning. So those have been certain things that
• 39:04
  I really like that are practical for people without learning
• 39:07
  a new habit or learning a new skill or learning
• 39:10
  how to meditate. But the primary focus of my schedule
• 39:14
  now is when I wake up, the first thing I
• 39:16
  do is I have a small posted note on the
• 39:19
  side of my bed and it says what am I
• 39:21
  grateful for?
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: And so that's the first thing I see.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: That's great.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: And so the reason I do that is because so
• 39:26
  often my first thought when I wake up is I'm tired, right,
• 39:31
  So it's such a natural autopilot thought, Oh, let me
• 39:35
  look at my schedule. Oh my gosh, got so much
• 39:38
  to do today, right, Like, that's such a normal thought.
• 39:41
  And I've read so many studies about choosing our thoughts,
• 39:44
  and my belief is if that the first choice I
• 39:47
  make in the morning is to choose a grateful thought love,
• 39:51
  and that will transform every choice I make for the
• 39:53
  rest of the day. If you choose to love your
• 39:55
  child the first thing in the morning, you're more likely
• 39:57
  to love them throughout the day. If you choose to
• 40:00
  pant a beautiful seed, it's more likely to grow into
• 40:03
  a tree and a fruit by the evening. So for me,
• 40:05
  that's been the first thing I do. Straight after that,
• 40:08
  I go to my meditation pack practice, which has always
• 40:10
  been montral meditation for many many years, and I've developed this.
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: I don't recommend this to anyone.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: I meditate for about one and a half hours to
• 40:18
  two hours every morning.
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: It's the first thing I do.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: And for me, that's my connection to God, it's my
• 40:23
  spiritual connection, it's my faith connection. It's me learning to
• 40:27
  be an instrument to purify all of the impurities and
• 40:31
  issues that I have so that I can actually be
• 40:33
  a vessel of service. And so that's what that does
• 40:35
  for me. And then it's very similar to what you said,
• 40:38
  mind body. Straight after that, I'm out playing tennis. So
• 40:40
  tennis has been my exercise consistently now for maybe the
• 40:45
  last year. And I started to realize I didn't enjoy
• 40:48
  gym's but I love sport, I love competition, I love play.
• 40:52
  And there was a beautiful quote from Richard Branson that
• 40:54
  stuck with my head. And I probably read this when
• 40:56
  I was sixteen. I remember reading his books in my teens,
• 41:00
  and I read this when I was sixteen. And it's
• 41:03
  funny because now obviously I'm not old, but I'm older
• 41:05
  than I was when I was sixteen. And he said,
• 41:08
  we don't stop playing because we get old. We get
• 41:10
  old because we stop playing. And that's what drew me
• 41:13
  to tell us. I was like, I need to add
• 41:14
  more play into my life. And then straight after that,
• 41:18
  I'll sit down and set an intention for the day.
• 41:20
  So I'll look at my schedule and I'll think, what
• 41:23
  energy do I need? So today I've got a day
• 41:25
  of interviews. I'm sitting with people. Some people have met,
• 41:28
  some people I haven't met, And so my intention is,
• 41:31
  how can I truly serve this person the best so
• 41:33
  that they can serve humanity through what we're doing. And
• 41:38
  so now when I'm sitting here with you, all I'm
• 41:40
  thinking about is just I cannot wait for everyone listening
• 41:43
  to read this book. Not only are you a great author,
• 41:47
  you're a phenomenal storyteller. I'm sitting on this podcast going Scott,
• 41:51
  I had no idea you were just good a storyteller.
• 41:53
  And I'm loving and I'm enjoying that because I'm appreciating
• 41:56
  just how much people are going to be moved when
• 41:58
  they finally get to dive into your work. And so
• 42:01
  that's that's my general morning routine every day that I follow,
• 42:05
  and that works for me.
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: I love that. I would love to tell you my
• 42:08
  youngest daughter, Elive, who was fourteen. Every night before she's
• 42:13
  gone to bed, now this is a four year practice,
• 42:15
  every day, has not missed a day. She writes down
• 42:18
  fourteen things. I have no idea what it's fourteen that
• 42:21
  she's fourteen is, Oh, she is that she's grateful for
• 42:23
  every day. Okay, that's a lot. Has never repeated once,
• 42:27
  never really incredible did So now think about what that
• 42:30
  says to you for the next day, because now you
• 42:32
  have to be in tune as to what you're being
• 42:34
  grateful for, much like you do in the morning. I
• 42:36
  like it better in the morning like you do, but
• 42:37
  I love the notion of that. The other thing she does,
• 42:40
  which is I think it's the cutest. She'll be embarrassed
• 42:43
  if I ever say that. Someone's going to say it,
• 42:45
  but it's the cutest. She has a happiness clicker, happy
• 42:48
  thoughts clicker, So if you go by her room at night,
• 42:50
  you'll hear click click click click click click click, And
• 42:53
  it just warms my heart to hear someone who's actually
• 42:57
  having happy thoughts and rewarding herself of the happy thoughts.
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: Is that beautiful, Scott, I think we have the wrong
• 43:03
  person on the podcast. She sounds amazing.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: Those are by far two of my fits. You've just
• 43:11
  there's there's two things that you've just shared.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: And I can't what's her name, Eliza?
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: Eliza?
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: Okay, Eliza, when you listen to this, if you ever do,
• 43:18
  if you wants this, I just want you to know
• 43:20
  you've taught me something two incredible lessons today that I'm
• 43:22
  going to share with so many people. I'm going to
• 43:25
  quote you on it. I'm going to put it out
• 43:26
  there because you've blown my mind. First of all, I
• 43:30
  love that piece of advice that she has never repeated
• 43:33
  one that is incredible.
• 43:37
  Speaker 3: That's amazing. Is so easy because.
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: You remember at first you're like, mom, dad, my house,
• 43:42
  my school. Oh yeah, I just write the first oxygen
• 43:45
  first month.
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's but to not repeat that's amazingmer.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: I saw that now you're actually digging and looking. I
• 43:55
  love that.
• 43:55
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: And then the second one that you said, so don't
• 43:58
  repeat your gratitude. I think that is such a beautiful message.
• 44:01
  And the reason why I love the happiness clicker is
• 44:04
  because I was literally quoting a study yesterday. The study
• 44:09
  on our thoughts shows that we have sixty to eighty
• 44:11
  thousand thoughts per day, and eighty percent are not only repetitive,
• 44:16
  but negative. And so the fact that your daughter is
• 44:19
  counting her positive thoughts and we both know, I mean,
• 44:22
  you know better than anyone. If you don't measure something,
• 44:24
  it's not going to grow, it's not going to change.
• 44:26
  The fact that she is counting her positive thoughts that
• 44:29
  gives her a tally to try and live up to
• 44:31
  the next day and grow.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: I love that, love that too. That is genius. It's funny.
• 44:36
  I was actually thinking about it. I wanted to.
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: I was speaking to someone about this a few months ago,
• 44:40
  and that's why I loved that so much. I was
• 44:42
  talking to someone about how measuring how many steps they
• 44:46
  took change their lives, right, Like whether you use a
• 44:48
  fitbit or an or ring or whatever you use, the
• 44:52
  idea is that measuring that you did your ten thousand steps.
• 44:54
  And I saw families getting into these league tables with
• 44:57
  each other and kids and families competing. And I literally
• 45:00
  said this to a very close friend of mine who've
• 45:02
  had on the podcast as well, and I said to him,
• 45:04
  I said, how col would it be if you could
• 45:08
  measure someone's positive thoughts?
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 45:10
  Speaker 2: That would be so like if we had a device
• 45:12
  that could track your thoughts and could say to you
• 45:14
  every day, you your three thousand thoughts away from having
• 45:16
  ten thousand positive thoughts, right, and you could measure someone's positivity.
• 45:23
  That would engage them, Like, no one wants to have
• 45:26
  ten thousand steps. We just do it when we know
• 45:28
  we're eight thousand, You're all right, two thousand more.
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: I can do that, but I wonder if we could.
• 45:33
  You know, I have this notion that negative self talk,
• 45:38
  especially again I'm with a lot of teenagers. So yes,
• 45:41
  they say things. And I had this notion that when
• 45:46
  you say something, it's not how you intuitively think you
• 45:48
  say it, and it goes into your subconsciously perspect it.
• 45:50
  And you know, I'm a product of you know, two PhDs,
• 45:54
  hippie hippie parents, and they were all about you know,
• 45:57
  positive affirmations. Yes, you know, and we got away from
• 45:59
  that the last few years. But but and we replace
• 46:02
  it with a mantra or a leadership constitution.
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: I love positive affirmation, right, yeah.
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: But like I wonder if those positive thoughts are something
• 46:10
  that we can be saying in the morning. Yes, like
• 46:12
  get them out there, because it'll make you happier. Yes,
• 46:15
  it'll make the world better, It'll make your interactions better,
• 46:18
  help you assume positive ten or help you focus almost
• 46:20
  most important, we do all those positive things that we need,
• 46:24
  you know, and like writing them down is good. Saying
• 46:26
  them matters.
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, Eliza, you have. I'm never going to figuret
• 46:30
  those two statements. I'm going to be sharing them a
• 46:32
  lot with people. They're so powerful, They're so powerful, and
• 46:35
  there's so much wisdom in that in that writing down
• 46:38
  what you're grateful for is such an overused tip and
• 46:41
  it's great. And that's why I level what you said,
• 46:42
  share it, express it that sixty second text to your mom,
• 46:45
  like that's where it starts working. But it also works
• 46:48
  when it's not repetitive. So I think that's that's incredible.
• 46:51
  Thank you so much, Eliza. The second step is seak
• 46:53
  authentic feedback. This one I I thinks become more and
• 46:59
  more difficult for people to do because seeking authentic feedback
• 47:03
  means you have authentic relationships.
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, because you.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: Can only seek authentic feedback from people you genuinely have
• 47:09
  a relationship with or that understand you. Tell us about
• 47:13
  your journey to tell me about the time when you
• 47:16
  sought authentic feedback, and examples of both types of feedback
• 47:21
  you received, inauthentic or authentic.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: You know, what happens in a career is hard. When
• 47:27
  you're young, you have mentors, and then you start hopping
• 47:30
  over your mentors and yes, and then you get a
• 47:35
  big job and even the people that you love the
• 47:39
  most and have worked with side by side for three
• 47:42
  companies or two companies, or those that you've groomed since
• 47:45
  their early days and they're now your direct reports and
• 47:49
  they're not going to tell you the truth, and then
• 47:52
  you're bored. In my case, or your bosses, they're not
• 47:56
  going to tell your truth anyway, and you're not sure
• 47:58
  you want it, you know, so that becomes really complicated.
• 48:03
  I've found a couple places that are solid. There's a
• 48:06
  group called YPO Young President's Organizations, which puts you in
• 48:10
  a room with eight to ten other CEOs and you
• 48:16
  have what they call form confidential meetings where nothing comes out,
• 48:19
  and you talk about things that you can't really talk about,
• 48:23
  you know, issues at home, troubles with a child, troubles
• 48:27
  at work, negotiating a contract, like who are you going
• 48:31
  to call? So that was an incredible source of strength
• 48:36
  to me for the last fifteen years. My forum at YPO,
• 48:39
  So that's one group where they love me, they don't
• 48:43
  judge me, they're honest, they're strong, they're my peers. So
• 48:49
  I think that formula, whether it's YPO or some other
• 48:51
  group of your peers, is good. My brothers are incredible
• 48:55
  sources of strength in my sister. I have three brothers
• 48:56
  and sister, all running companies. But they love me too much,
• 49:00
  you know, and they'll always take my side always. My
• 49:03
  wife not so much, and my and and she loves me.
• 49:06
  But she'll tell me, you know. And and I imagine
• 49:09
  for you, for your wife, she sees Jay, shehtty okay, yay, Jay,
• 49:14
  do your laundry okay. You know, And and and there's
• 49:17
  a partnership that is critical and that I'm sure your
• 49:21
  wife is strong where you would you know, my wife
• 49:24
  is strong and I needed a strong woman and so
• 49:27
  and we have complete divisional labor, and you know, but
• 49:31
  there is an expectation that when when I need it,
• 49:35
  she gets it to me, whether I ask for it
• 49:36
  or not, which I absolutely love. I'm a little more
• 49:39
  delicate just in terms of style with her, I say
• 49:41
  it a lot nicer.
• 49:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I do the same. Yeah, it's a
• 49:45
  good tactic.
• 49:46
  Speaker 1: Twenty five years together, it's working, it's working, and she's
• 49:50
  been amazing. So so those are my two sources of YPO.
• 49:53
  And then and then my wife, I love.
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: There's a great idea.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: How about you? How does it work for you so hard?
• 49:59
  Because you're a celebrity and star like? Is that like
• 50:02
  so different?
• 50:03
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: I'm really fortunate and I made this a conscious like
• 50:08
  intentions as my life grew, is that I'm always the poorest,
• 50:13
  least successful, and Lee's wise, least wise person in the room.
• 50:18
  And so I try and surround myself a boy people
• 50:20
  who are far ahead of me in every way I
• 50:22
  possibly can. And they're not always the same rooms because
• 50:24
  you don't necessarily find people across all three of those
• 50:27
  in the same.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: Room might be getting harder on all three fronts for you.
• 50:31
  Speaker 2: Definitely smaller, no, no, definitely not as small. I feel
• 50:35
  like I feel like the higher you go, you realize
• 50:37
  that big the world. That's how big people's visions are.
• 50:41
  When I when I want the wise, I go to
• 50:42
  the monks. I was I was just talking to about
• 50:45
  this the other day. I shared this with Randy actually,
• 50:47
  and I was saying that I was I was coaching.
• 50:51
  I was working with someone recently, and I was speaking
• 50:54
  of my monk teacher about who I was working with.
• 50:56
  So my monk teacher's seventy years old. He's been a
• 50:58
  monk for forty years. He's lived, he's like got every
• 51:01
  life experience. He's coached children since they're born to go
• 51:06
  on to become incredible people. He's coached you know, heads
• 51:09
  of societies and states, and you know, he's he's had
• 51:12
  an amazing life. And so when I go to him
• 51:15
  and he's seventy years old and you know, I'm half
• 51:17
  his age, and you know, it's you start recognizing just
• 51:21
  how much more there is to life and how much
• 51:23
  you still have to learn and live. And I was
• 51:24
  telling him, I'm coaching this person on this, and I'm
• 51:27
  working with this celebrity on this or whatever it is.
• 51:29
  And he goes he said to me, he said, he said,
• 51:31
  I'm so happy for you because I'm so happy. He said,
• 51:33
  I'm so happy because you get to help everyone with
• 51:35
  your problems. And it was like that humbling reminder. I
• 51:40
  was like, you're getting to coach people on what you
• 51:42
  need coaching for, and that is God's gift to you,
• 51:45
  that you're getting to help people with what you're going
• 51:48
  to need help with. And so I think you know
• 51:50
  that wisdom that I get from these the monk teachers
• 51:53
  that I have that I still am very much in
• 51:55
  touch with. They're always very humbling and grounding. And I
• 51:58
  think my sister family, So my sister, what you were saying,
• 52:02
  My sister, whenever I start sweeing to her.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: She'd be like, stop going old Jay shetty on me,
• 52:07
  Like she literally say that to me. And my sister
• 52:10
  loves me and I love her. She's one of my
• 52:11
  best friends. She's half younger than me.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: And you stop giving me a Ja Shetty video like
• 52:16
  I just want my brother like and I'm like, this
• 52:18
  is me, Like, but she has to say that to me.
• 52:21
  You know, in the beginning it used to irk me.
• 52:23
  Now I find it cute and a durable and then
• 52:25
  my wife, you're spot on. Like. There was an interview
• 52:27
  that Robert Downey Junior did and he talked about how
• 52:30
  they were like how do you stay humble?
• 52:31
  Speaker 3: Your Iron Man? You build the Marvel Universe.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: I mean this guy's you know, he's crushed it over
• 52:35
  the last few years with all the amazing movies he did.
• 52:37
  And he just said, he said, you know what, when
• 52:39
  I get home, you know, my kids are not like,
• 52:41
  oh my god, it's Iron Man.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: He was like, my wife's like take the trash out.
• 52:46
  And he was just like what you said, same thing,
• 52:47
  like you know your family, And I think that's a
• 52:49
  beautiful thing. I think often this is what I was
• 52:53
  showing with a lot of my male friends. I said,
• 52:54
  especially as men, I think often we want our wives
• 52:57
  to validate us for what we achieve and not who
• 53:01
  we are, right, and we forget that they chose. My
• 53:04
  wife has been with me since I didn't have a job,
• 53:06
  like you know, and so my wife, my wife's parents
• 53:10
  took way better care than I did of her in
• 53:12
  the first three years of our marriage, and what I
• 53:14
  could offer her was far less than what her parents
• 53:16
  could offer her. But I think we forget that is
• 53:18
  we want to be validated for like being that singer
• 53:21
  or that athlete, or being a speaker, or like, can't
• 53:24
  you see I'm a number one New York Times Best
• 53:25
  like but that you don't want to.
• 53:27
  Speaker 3: Be loved for that.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: No, you're so right. I was speaking of that.
• 53:30
  Speaker 3: You said that.
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: I thought it was really interesting, and I forgot to
• 53:32
  mention I've had three great coaches, A triciaan ate Off
• 53:35
  and Spencer Hole and then Brendan Bruchard most recently.
• 53:38
  Speaker 3: And I didn't realize you worked just with him too.
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: You're kidding me.
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize that we were literally so Brendan just
• 53:44
  we're all part of the same mastermind, and but we
• 53:46
  just literally were with Brendan four days.
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: I loved him, he is he helped me rediscover what
• 53:52
  it meant to be a leader again. And I think
• 53:55
  that's the gift that coaches can give you, and they
• 53:57
  think he he does not damn surround issues either. So
• 54:01
  he gave me some incredible feedback over time, but helped
• 54:04
  me get there on my own, which I love. Like
• 54:06
  we had so many fascinating conversations and he's been a
• 54:10
  true recent source of strength.
• 54:12
  Speaker 3: Amazing. I love her that.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: Please tell me about the first two because I got
• 54:15
  excited about Brendan.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: And Tricia is amazing. She is a little bit like bohemian.
• 54:22
  And I was at Madison Square Garden and struggling with
• 54:25
  all sorts of things personally and professionally, and she had
• 54:28
  this big notion of like, you want to be a warrior.
• 54:31
  I'm like, yes, I want to be. She's like, no, Scott, Scott,
• 54:34
  Scott's sit down. I'm like, no, no, no, I do want
• 54:36
  to be. She's like, no, you want to hunting kill.
• 54:37
  I'm like, right, you know, and she's like, no, you
• 54:41
  need to grow, you need to go into that sage phase.
• 54:43
  I'm like, but I don't want to be a sage,
• 54:45
  you know. Now. I was thirty eight, okay, And she said, well,
• 54:49
  you're going to have to get there, because if you
• 54:52
  want to lead an elite level, the reward isn't you anymore.
• 54:57
  And that's where I am. I told her, I sent
• 55:00
  her notes every once in a while that I found it,
• 55:03
  you know, and she always sends me funny once back.
• 55:05
  But I now get my joy. My wind is seeing
• 55:10
  someone become a vice president for the first time, or
• 55:13
  leave me and go run an incredible company and be
• 55:16
  an extraordinary leader. Or you know someone that goes and
• 55:19
  can change the world in their world, or you know
• 55:22
  someone who leaves me and goes and builds this incredible
• 55:24
  foundation and is changing things in the world. That is
• 55:27
  now my killer, my win. So I think she I
• 55:30
  hope she would say she's proud that I just didn't
• 55:32
  go in her pace. Yes, but that always stuck in
• 55:36
  my mind, and I had some classic fight back and
• 55:39
  arguments and pushback with her, and she she I remember
• 55:43
  her saying, Scott, you need to meditate in like the sweetest,
• 55:48
  smartest tough woman. And I'm like, I can't sit still
• 55:52
  for five seconds. Stop telling me to meditate. Help me
• 55:55
  with my job, you know. And of course I learned
• 55:58
  how to meditate over time because I need to find
• 56:01
  stillness and peace and it helps me sleep, helps me
• 56:03
  go to sleep, helps me live better. And so she
• 56:06
  was a wonderful source. And Spencer Whole who's been a
• 56:08
  longtime friend as well, great guy, smart guy, and he
• 56:13
  helped me on two transitions. And I think transitions are
• 56:16
  hard for people. You know, I've been out of work,
• 56:19
  out of luck, and out of money, and I've been
• 56:20
  out of work and really comfortable, and I like the
• 56:23
  latter a lot better than the former. But when you
• 56:25
  go on these walkabouts in life, you have an opportunity
• 56:29
  to step back, see the world for what it is,
• 56:34
  reflect back on the decisions you made, why you made them,
• 56:38
  the impact they had, good and bad, the lessons you learned,
• 56:41
  the people you met, and you just have this overwhelming
• 56:44
  sense of gratitude for life, even the mistakes you made,
• 56:47
  because they taught you such valuable lessons. And then you
• 56:50
  get to take all that in and look forward and
• 56:53
  say why am I doing It's Actually my wife said like, Scott,
• 56:57
  why do you do this? Because every time I leave
• 56:58
  a job, I'm like, I'm never doing this. Yeah. Every
• 57:00
  time She's like, okay, but why do you do what
• 57:03
  you do? I said, well, I want to help I
• 57:05
  want to help develop the next generation of great leaders,
• 57:08
  and I want to build a platform so I can
• 57:10
  leave the world better than I found it. And I
• 57:14
  want to help my church quite frankly grow and so
• 57:16
  and she's like, well, that's why you in these platforms.
• 57:18
  I'm like, yes, that's why I'm in these platforms. And
• 57:20
  so that's why I keep signing up, you know, And
• 57:23
  I keep getting the rush and going through the pain
• 57:26
  and the fun and the exhilaration and the torture and
• 57:28
  all that together. But it's these walkabouts, these years, like
• 57:33
  the year that you take off, that really gives you
• 57:36
  that freedom that most people don't have life. And I
• 57:37
  know I'm blessed to have that opportunity to go do it.
• 57:41
  But that's the time I'm in now, and I feel
• 57:44
  like I'm fresh and different and in my version of
• 57:48
  a zen state that I can actually see the world
• 57:51
  as it is.
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: I love that. I love that.
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: While you were sharing that, the thing I was thinking
• 57:56
  about was when you look at the sage versus the
• 57:58
  original mindset as you as you put.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: It in a warrior. Warrior, Yeah, warrior, And.
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: It's it's like that hunt and kill changes to seek
• 58:07
  and grow.
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, and seek and grow.
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: Doesn't sound attractive, Like then you want to be a warrior, right,
• 58:14
  Like when you want to be a warrior, to seek
• 58:16
  and grow, it's like a munch rather hunt and kill.
• 58:18
  But we realized hunt and kill if you even look
• 58:20
  at those words, they will lead to an interrible they're aggressive.
• 58:23
  Speaker 1: But when you were when you went to to become
• 58:26
  a monk at first, Like what I was surprised when
• 58:28
  I was reading reading Think like a Monk was that
• 58:31
  you had a struggle because I know people see you
• 58:34
  as like you know, it's like your sister's coming. Don't
• 58:36
  jay shatty on me? Like, okay, have it all figured out?
• 58:38
  Like I I do this, I coach the stars. I
• 58:41
  you know, have this incredible influence and podcasts, Like is
• 58:45
  that something you anticipated and expected or did that surprise
• 58:48
  you when you were there and went through that struggle.
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: My whole life is a surprise to me. I'd say,
• 58:54
  everything's been a surprise.
• 58:56
  Speaker 2: I never thought I would become a monk if someone
• 58:57
  told me two years ago, so before I became a monk,
• 59:01
  not two years ago. Let's say if someone told me
• 59:04
  eighteen I decided twenty one, twenty two, I became a monk.
• 59:07
  So if someone told me at sixteen, Jay, one day,
• 59:10
  you're going to be a monk, I would have probably
• 59:13
  thrown a bottle of alcohol like like you know, like
• 59:15
  that's the state I would have been in, because that's
• 59:19
  how I was at sixteen. And then when I became
• 59:21
  a monk, it was hard because living with that level
• 59:24
  of discipline isn't easy for anyone, especially just an average
• 59:27
  kid from London who's not grown up with that level
• 59:30
  of military style discipline, which is what a monastery is.
• 59:34
  And then to leave it all to come back, I
• 59:36
  mean I thought my life was over. Then when I
• 59:38
  came back, I was just like, well that's it.
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: I guess.
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: I guess I'm just going to figure out how to
• 59:42
  pay the bills and life's going to go on. Because
• 59:44
  all the feedback I had from everyone was just like
• 59:46
  who cares that you were a monk? And what's that
• 59:48
  got to do with anything? And what transferable skills do
• 59:51
  you have? You can sit still and be silent, like
• 59:53
  our company doesn't need that, And so it was it
• 59:56
  was fear and insecurity and doubt every step. And so
• 1:00:00
  today when I get to do all the cool stuff
• 1:00:02
  you said. I just feel blessed every day and grateful.
• 1:00:05
  And of course there's been strategy and thought. Of course,
• 1:00:08
  of course there has, but I'm saying that the initial.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: Seed of that.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: But when you were a monk, yes, and you're like,
• 1:00:15
  you know, they said like, no, you need to do X,
• 1:00:18
  and you're like it felt like I was in your book,
• 1:00:20
  Like some times you rolled your eyes like, oh, yeah,
• 1:00:22
  I do again.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 3: I did. I did, because that's your.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: Version of the warrior phase, right, yes, yes, And I.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: Think I still have that, and that's partly why I
• 1:00:29
  had to leave. And what I've realized is that some
• 1:00:32
  of us don't have it naturally, and some of us
• 1:00:36
  have to engage it for a higher purpose, to purify it.
• 1:00:39
  Oh so not everyone can just give up the reel
• 1:00:42
  like I'd say that the rebel is very much.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: Part of my DNA.
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: I have some of that.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm a rebel, like even more than a warrior.
• 1:00:49
  I'm a rebel like warrior still feels like you want to.
• 1:00:51
  I never wanted to beat anyone else. I'm just a rebel.
• 1:00:53
  I don't like going with the flow, and I want
• 1:00:55
  to go against the grain, and I think I know
• 1:00:57
  how to do things differently, but that doesn't make me
• 1:01:00
  better or worse than anyone. I've just I've always seen
• 1:01:02
  it as me. But I realized that I had to
• 1:01:04
  engage the rebel in the service of humanity, to purify
• 1:01:09
  the rebel, to try and aspire to be a sage.
• 1:01:12
  Whereas if you try and what was often called in
• 1:01:15
  the monk society as monkey renunciation. So what that means
• 1:01:19
  is monkey detachment. Is if you offer a monkey at banana,
• 1:01:23
  it will give you whatever it has, and then if
• 1:01:25
  you offer it a credit card, it will trade you
• 1:01:27
  back the banana. And if you give it this, so
• 1:01:29
  the monkey will keep swapping with you because it doesn't
• 1:01:31
  really know what it wants and it doesn't matter. It
• 1:01:34
  will just give it up without thinking about it. And
• 1:01:37
  as humans, sometimes we feel forced to give up who
• 1:01:39
  we are as opposed to saying well, let me engage
• 1:01:41
  this and use my skills to help people. Like it's
• 1:01:45
  that you saying all right, I'm just going to go
• 1:01:46
  off and become a monk at thirty eight, instead of
• 1:01:48
  building what you've built and now getting to have the
• 1:01:51
  impact through your book, your work, the Mozambique work.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: That you get to have. That's your journey, you know.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: When I sit down with they were teachings, like there
• 1:02:00
  was a point where the Beatles. There were members of
• 1:02:02
  the Beatles that wanted to become monks, and their teachers
• 1:02:05
  told them, your journey is to make spiritual music, and
• 1:02:09
  your identity is to share the message of God through
• 1:02:12
  your music. Your destiny is not to.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: Become a monk.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: You're going to rob millions of people of the impact
• 1:02:19
  that you could have.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 3: And that's the same with you if you traded eighteens. Right,
• 1:02:23
  does that make sense?
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: So I finally said so for me, it's been that
• 1:02:27
  journey of purifying my impurities by giving them in service,
• 1:02:32
  trying to use them for something better than you.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: So that's always been the.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: Philosophy of the of the monk hood that I studied in,
• 1:02:40
  which was don't force people to change who they are
• 1:02:42
  and become someone they're not. Get them to use who
• 1:02:44
  they are for helping and serving others, and the world
• 1:02:47
  will become a special place.
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: So there's this concept in the book called w Yes,
• 1:02:51
  I love it.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, let's talk about it.
• 1:02:52
  Speaker 1: And Brandon says that sprendery short. He says that high
• 1:02:57
  performers spent sixty five percent of their time on the
• 1:03:00
  three things that matter most at work. Yeah, okay, so
• 1:03:02
  I brought that a little bit, and I say, like work, yes,
• 1:03:05
  we should talk about work, but what about your home,
• 1:03:08
  Like what matters most to you at home? What about
• 1:03:10
  your relationships? What are those three key relationships? And then
• 1:03:13
  at work what are those three things that matter? And
• 1:03:15
  I went through the audit. Okay, so so.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 3: Love doing it.
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: Oh it's all painful. Okay, So you go, you take
• 1:03:21
  your calendar and then you map, Okay, where am I
• 1:03:23
  spending my time? And the reason I add the personal
• 1:03:25
  stuff is because, especially with COVID, the line between work
• 1:03:30
  and home and home and work, or work home in church,
• 1:03:32
  or work home and play and church, it's all the same.
• 1:03:35
  It's just like life. And so we have to be
• 1:03:37
  more disciplined, we have to be more organized, and we
• 1:03:40
  have to learn the magic word of no, which is
• 1:03:43
  very hard for me because I'm a people pleaser. But
• 1:03:46
  I go through my audit and I'm at twenty three
• 1:03:48
  percent and I was embarrassed to tell them. I got
• 1:03:50
  in and I just buried it. But then I just
• 1:03:53
  asked myself, like I said, like okay, I got a choice.
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 3: Twenty three percent at home, No, twenty.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 1: Three percent of my calendar was spent on what.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: I said, sixty percent, which is what he said.
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, that's not great. I literally am like talking
• 1:04:06
  to myself and I'm saying, okay, I neither either change
• 1:04:09
  what's on this paper or change the way I do do.
• 1:04:12
  So my question for you is, how do you with
• 1:04:16
  all the demands on your time and pulls? Because I
• 1:04:18
  imagine you could speak anywhere you want, whenever you want.
• 1:04:21
  You probably get thirty calls a week to go speak
• 1:04:23
  somewhere you got probably you could do TV, you could
• 1:04:25
  do a whole bunch of things. How do you focus
• 1:04:27
  on what's most important to you?
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 3: I fail it all the time. That's the honest nonsense.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: It's so hard. It's it's uh yeah, it's so hard,
• 1:04:37
  isn't it. It's I agree with you. It's so hard
• 1:04:39
  to say no because I feel like there's so many transitions.
• 1:04:42
  So let's talk about those transitions and why it's hard
• 1:04:45
  to say no, because I think everyone can relate to this, yes,
• 1:04:48
  and you can.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 3: Why don't we do?
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: Oney, you tell me why you think it's hard to
• 1:04:51
  say no? And I'll tell you why I think it's
• 1:04:52
  hard to say no. So I'll start and then we'll
• 1:04:54
  go back and forth. I think one of the reasons
• 1:04:56
  why it's hard to say no is because at one
• 1:04:59
  point in time that would have been something you died for.
• 1:05:02
  Some of the opportunities I have today that come my
• 1:05:04
  way that I have the now, the opportunity to say
• 1:05:07
  no to.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 3: At one point in time, I would have begged to
• 1:05:10
  have had that opportunity.
• 1:05:11
  Speaker 2: So you feel a sense of guilt, You feel a
• 1:05:13
  sense of responsibility, you feel a sense of am I ungrateful?
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 3: Am I now becoming? You know? Do I think I'm
• 1:05:19
  too good for my like I think I go through that?
• 1:05:22
  Does that makes sense?
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 1: That's an internal struggle? I would say one for me
• 1:05:25
  is that I feel like I can help people, and
• 1:05:31
  and for me to not help it feels like a
• 1:05:34
  tug on everything that I say. I stand for yes,
• 1:05:37
  and so what's simple for me might be really hard
• 1:05:39
  for somebody Yes, And so to say no, it's it's
• 1:05:42
  counter to what I who I aspire to be.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I love that. I love that one, and
• 1:05:47
  I think a lot of people can relate to that.
• 1:05:49
  I can definitely relate to that. I feel like, I'm like,
• 1:05:51
  it's only ten minutes of my time. I could make
• 1:05:53
  a difference to someone. It's worth it. Another reason why
• 1:05:56
  I struggle to say no, i'd say is apart from
• 1:06:00
  your one, which I agree with you say. Another reason
• 1:06:03
  internal struggle with why I struggle to say no is
• 1:06:05
  because I do want to be liked. Was happy, It's
• 1:06:09
  the same thing, but but like you do want to
• 1:06:12
  be liked and you want you know, and I have
• 1:06:15
  to monitor this, and that's what I'm saying. The reason
• 1:06:16
  why I'm I'm sharing these with everyone listening is because
• 1:06:20
  if you haven't articulated them, it means you're not aware
• 1:06:22
  of them, right. And so if you haven't put it
• 1:06:23
  down on a piece of paper and you haven't written
• 1:06:25
  down why you struggle to say no, you don't know
• 1:06:27
  why you don't.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: Say it, right. So I literally said, I just finally said, like,
• 1:06:32
  I'm going to eliminate informational interviews. Okay, Now it's like
• 1:06:35
  the kid that comes in. It's your friend's son, or
• 1:06:39
  your nephew or the cousin of so and so, and
• 1:06:41
  I just don't I said no. And for me, can
• 1:06:45
  you imagine like your best friend calls. He was like,
• 1:06:48
  it's my son. Yeah, No, I'll get into somebody like
• 1:06:52
  can't you spend ten minutes? And I'm like, no, I can't, yea,
• 1:06:55
  And that to me was awful. It's awful, like the
• 1:06:58
  feelings because I love ye No, it's so awkward. And
• 1:07:02
  so now on my walk about, like my constraint is
• 1:07:06
  no longer time, which I'm sure for you is impossible, right,
• 1:07:09
  but your constraint is time and mine is not anymore.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 3: So I'm I'll ask you a question.
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm thinking so with me, it's not necessarily the
• 1:07:18
  most And I've made some mistakes on this, I'll say professionally,
• 1:07:23
  I made some mistakes on this because I was constantly
• 1:07:28
  trying to outsource the only thing I was able to do,
• 1:07:32
  and that was something that I probably spent too much
• 1:07:36
  money on in twelve months on where I was constantly
• 1:07:38
  trying to hire for what is my superpower? And I
• 1:07:42
  was hoping that I could find someone to do that
• 1:07:43
  so I could do more superpower stuff. But I kept
• 1:07:46
  trying to find someone. I kept hiring someone, and no
• 1:07:48
  matter how much I paid and where we looked and
• 1:07:50
  whatever we did, I realized it wasn't possible to outsource
• 1:07:52
  that specific skill, and I finally owned it and I said, well,
• 1:07:55
  I need to do that for myself. So I actually
• 1:07:57
  didn't make a lot of mistakes on that. But going
• 1:07:59
  back to your question, I see it as the three
• 1:08:01
  most important things, but I see them.
• 1:08:02
  Speaker 1: In order, so that yeah, chronological correct priority.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 2: So we had a set of rules in the monastery,
• 1:08:10
  which I still completely connect with. And the three words
• 1:08:14
  one of a couple of them a Sanskrit, one of
• 1:08:16
  them is English, but it was health, sotherner savor. These
• 1:08:20
  were three words, and it was always in that order.
• 1:08:23
  So it was considered, these are the three most important things.
• 1:08:26
  And the good thing is you can't do one before
• 1:08:28
  you finish the other one.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 3: That's the rule.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: Great And so the rule is health is first, and
• 1:08:34
  that includes your physical and mental and spiritual health. And
• 1:08:36
  you give beautiful examples of how to do that. So
• 1:08:38
  before you have moved in the morning, you can't do
• 1:08:41
  any of the others. So if you haven't done your yoga,
• 1:08:44
  you haven't done your tennis, you haven't done your workout,
• 1:08:46
  whatever it is, you can't.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 3: Do anything else.
• 1:08:47
  Speaker 2: You're just not allowed because without you being of health,
• 1:08:51
  without you being of everything you mentioned already, Who are
• 1:08:54
  you going to serve?
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 3: What energy you're giving them? You haven't even got your
• 1:08:58
  own mind right?
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: How are you going to inspire a young man no
• 1:09:00
  matter how whatever you have, or a young woman. The
• 1:09:03
  second thing was saden.
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 3: It was your.
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 2: Personal rituals and practices, your personal eating of yourself, Like
• 1:09:11
  when you were going out of Mozambique. You can't build
• 1:09:13
  a school if you haven't worked on your own fitness
• 1:09:15
  and you haven't eaten a meal.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 3: How long are you going to last? So the second
• 1:09:18
  thing was once you've made.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: Sure your body and mind are right, have you prepared
• 1:09:22
  your soul exactly as you said? Have you prepared your consciousness?
• 1:09:26
  Have you prepared?
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 2: You should have basically should have been a teacher. Have
• 1:09:30
  you prepared your intel? And the final savor is service,
• 1:09:32
  that's the final. Giving to others is the final. Not
• 1:09:36
  that it's the least important, it's the most important. If
• 1:09:39
  you look at any tree around you, if it wasn't
• 1:09:43
  watered properly, if it wasn't taking care of properly, you look.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 3: Up, it's got no fruits. What fruits are you giving
• 1:09:49
  to people? Giving people rotten fruits? And that's where you start.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 2: So it's not that service is the least important, it's
• 1:09:55
  the most important, and therefore you had to water the
• 1:09:58
  roots world. So for me, that's how I think about
• 1:10:00
  what's most important is by first taking care of the
• 1:10:02
  first two so that the third can be done to
• 1:10:05
  its best. But don't say yes to an opportunity for
• 1:10:08
  the third before you've done the first too.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: Does that make sense?
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: It makes so much sense that it reminds me of
• 1:10:13
  the story. There's this tree, tree of Tenare. Have you
• 1:10:15
  ever heard of it?
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: No? I?
• 1:10:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, yes, Tara Desert. This tree lives to be three
• 1:10:20
  hundred and fifty years old. It used to be a
• 1:10:21
  wooded area, but then the climate changed and became a desert,
• 1:10:24
  and only one tree survived, the Tree of Tenere, and
• 1:10:26
  the roots went down hundreds of feet into this little
• 1:10:29
  watering hole and it stayed. And then, unfortunately, like it
• 1:10:32
  was on maps, because it was the one tree, you know,
• 1:10:34
  hundreds of miles around, and a driver came with a
• 1:10:37
  truck and hit it and knocked it over, and that
• 1:10:40
  was it for the tree. And then I always contrast
• 1:10:43
  that with Pando, and Pando is the second largest living
• 1:10:45
  organism in the world. Eighty thousand trees. It's in Utah
• 1:10:49
  in the US, eighty thousand trees and it's been around
• 1:10:52
  for seventy thousand years. So here's one tree, okay that
• 1:10:56
  can survive for three hundred and fifty years in ridiculous conditions.
• 1:10:59
  And I was like, that's incredible. But then one driver
• 1:11:03
  out done. See you later, Cyonara, there was seventy thousand
• 1:11:07
  trees and they share a common root system. Yeah, okay,
• 1:11:10
  I always think about that when you when you were
• 1:11:12
  saying that, I just kept thinking, Pando, Pando, Pando kept
• 1:11:14
  going through my head because we need each other and
• 1:11:17
  we need people and we need to connect. And that
• 1:11:22
  that to me is like, you know, that is the
• 1:11:25
  secret sauce today in a world where isolation is our kryptonite.
• 1:11:31
  The connectivity of roots and the connectivity of people, and
• 1:11:35
  how you Jay Shetty are able to bring us together
• 1:11:39
  through a common language and that you're months three step process.
• 1:11:44
  I mean that it's so it's it's pure, it's genius,
• 1:11:48
  and it's so intuitive, brilliant.
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: And even what you're writing about in the book, what
• 1:11:53
  you just said, you today have more of a luxury
• 1:11:56
  of time in your life today. Yes, obviously that wasn't
• 1:11:58
  how it was a tool I do not. I have
• 1:12:01
  a luxury of time, and at this current stage in
• 1:12:04
  my life as a monk, I did more.
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 3: So for sure.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: What I've realized is time is the wrong metric and
• 1:12:12
  the wrong divisible So.
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 3: We divide our life by time.
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 2: We say, Okay, I need time with my family, I
• 1:12:18
  need time with my partner, I need time with Scott,
• 1:12:23
  I need time with this, I need time with that.
• 1:12:25
  And I realized a few years ago, no one wanted
• 1:12:28
  my time. Everyone wanted my presence, and everyone wanted my energy.
• 1:12:34
  So if I could give ten minutes of my time
• 1:12:37
  but one hundred percent of my energy, that's what someone wanted.
• 1:12:42
  And I started changing how I looked at it, looking
• 1:12:44
  at the ratio of my energy versus my time and
• 1:12:48
  saying how much time can I give at one hundred
• 1:12:51
  percent energy? And sometimes the time went down to sixty seconds,
• 1:12:55
  And that was fine because I realized that people would
• 1:12:58
  rather have one hundred percent of my energy then one
• 1:13:01
  percent of my energy and one hundred percent of my
• 1:13:03
  time giving someone an hour being on my phone all
• 1:13:06
  the time, as you was saying, when you call with
• 1:13:07
  your friends.
• 1:13:08
  Speaker 3: No one wants that, right, No one.
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: Wants to see me and you both on off phones
• 1:13:12
  right now and have a couple of questions about you.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 3: But people want to hear us have presents. Jay.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: That's why I say, be with your feet are balance?
• 1:13:18
  If you're person? How do I find balance?
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 3: I'm like, let's let's talk about just sorry about it.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because I'm It's the first question I get in,
• 1:13:26
  particularly with the young people. I talk to high school
• 1:13:28
  kids or college I.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 2: Call your kids are asking that question, everyone worrying everyone,
• 1:13:33
  how do I find balance?
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: I'm like, get to work. But I literally say, like,
• 1:13:37
  I think about my life and I think about home. Well,
• 1:13:41
  how do you have such a good, strong relationship. You
• 1:13:43
  seem focused on your faith and your family and work,
• 1:13:45
  and how do you do it? I was like, Hey,
• 1:13:46
  here's the thing, Okay, let's talk about life. Let's talk
• 1:13:49
  about real life, not you know the Huxtables on TV.
• 1:13:52
  Let's talk about real, real life. Okay, here's what real
• 1:13:54
  life looks like for me. I get up in the morning.
• 1:13:58
  It's chaos. I called the tournament. We just survive in advance.
• 1:14:02
  We are trying to get out the door with out
• 1:14:04
  of nuclear meltdown. You borrow my shirt, I can't find
• 1:14:06
  my you didn't charge my computer, all that crap. The
• 1:14:09
  girls get to school. Okay, how many meaningful moments can
• 1:14:13
  I have at that point? How about zero? I have
• 1:14:16
  to be okay with that because it's not happening.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah, okay.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: One can't get out of bed. The other one's up
• 1:14:20
  at five in the morning. I mean it is, you know,
• 1:14:22
  it's chaos. Then I go to work. They go to school.
• 1:14:25
  They've got cheerleading, they've got basketball, they've got boyfriends, which
• 1:14:28
  we do not want to talk about ever. We have homework,
• 1:14:31
  I have work, I have events. We come home. They
• 1:14:35
  how much time? Talk about energy? How do I? How
• 1:14:39
  do I be present? How much time do you have?
• 1:14:41
  Forty five minutes? Your family, the people you say you
• 1:14:45
  love most, that matter most in your life? An hour?
• 1:14:48
  Two hours, and your luckiest person in the world. So
• 1:14:50
  what are you gonna do with that one hour? And
• 1:14:52
  I say, let's create some meaningful moments, Let's create a memory,
• 1:14:56
  Let's have a real conversation. And by the way, it's
• 1:14:59
  great today there's so many things to talk about. The
• 1:15:01
  world is falling apart. We have social unrest, we have
• 1:15:04
  challenges to the core of faith and the church in
• 1:15:08
  this country. We have the education system, we have a
• 1:15:12
  political system that's a complete adventure. We become global citizens.
• 1:15:15
  We have all these topics, and we can talk to
• 1:15:16
  our children or you know what we can do, write
• 1:15:18
  them a love letter, or you know what we can do,
• 1:15:21
  tell them three things you really want them to remember,
• 1:15:23
  or you know what we can do, tell them everything
• 1:15:25
  you ever want to tell them, but haven't spent the
• 1:15:27
  time yet, because those moments are what they will remember
• 1:15:30
  and will matter. Go on a family walk. Oh, it
• 1:15:33
  took an hour, and we actually left our phones in
• 1:15:36
  the house and we went to go walk for forty
• 1:15:37
  five minutes that time. That's what we have to protect.
• 1:15:41
  That's what we have to put our energy and effort on.
• 1:15:43
  That's where our intentions should go. This notion of balance.
• 1:15:45
  What are we gonna do sit around watching reruns or
• 1:15:48
  binging on Netflix, or sitting around watching a show, typing
• 1:15:51
  on our iPads, messing around on our phone and eating licorice. Okay,
• 1:15:55
  because that's what life looks like like me. It's like
• 1:15:58
  be present the notion of energy over time. I'm still there.
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, No, it's been game changing.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: For me. Obviously I don't have children yet, so I'll
• 1:16:06
  have to come take notes from me, my wife and I.
• 1:16:08
  One of the things we did, especially as things were
• 1:16:10
  taking off for me, I started a new routine with
• 1:16:12
  her where every thirty days. I realized that the notion
• 1:16:16
  of what you just said, if you're lucky of two
• 1:16:18
  hours a day to spend with the people you love
• 1:16:19
  the most, and that's the same with me. When life was,
• 1:16:23
  when I was putting in the work and I was
• 1:16:24
  working eighteen hours a day to build everything that we
• 1:16:27
  have today, I didn't have that luxury of time with her.
• 1:16:32
  So every thirty days, we would take three days and
• 1:16:36
  we'd go away together, somewhere three hours away from where
• 1:16:39
  we live. We'd pack the car, drive up, get a
• 1:16:42
  better and breakfast, get an airbnb, get a small motel, hotel,
• 1:16:45
  whatever you could afford, and we'd be there for two
• 1:16:48
  nights and three days and we would lock our phones
• 1:16:51
  in the safe.
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 3: And we just spend time together.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 1: That's wonderful.
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 2: And I realized that doing those three days every month
• 1:16:57
  had a bigger impact on our relationship then if we
• 1:17:00
  sat in front of the TV every day for two hours,
• 1:17:04
  it just didn't it didn't compare because of what you
• 1:17:06
  just said that making a memory, making an experience, that's
• 1:17:12
  what we.
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 3: All want in life.
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 2: No one's going to count and be like, Dad, I
• 1:17:15
  know you spent ten hours with me this week. No
• 1:17:17
  one's counting that. There's no no one's keeping a clock
• 1:17:20
  of that. But my wife remembers, oh, remember that weekend
• 1:17:22
  were going to spomp Springs. Or remember when we went
• 1:17:25
  to Temecula and we rode those e bikes around for
• 1:17:27
  the whole day. Or do you remember when we went
• 1:17:29
  up and we went to Santa Barbara and we just
• 1:17:31
  walked on the beach like those are the things you remember?
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so true.
• 1:17:35
  Speaker 2: And they weren't expensive, none of us no expensive, or
• 1:17:38
  they were all free walk by.
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 1: Here's a real free one you can add, go for it.
• 1:17:42
  We have my wife and I when things are good
• 1:17:44
  and we're in our in our zone, we go on
• 1:17:47
  one walk a week that we call non transactional nice
• 1:17:50
  think about like life is transactional and non transactional transactionalists. Okay,
• 1:17:55
  we got the kids out of this. How she's got practice.
• 1:17:57
  There's a game on Tuesday. Okay, okay, what do we
• 1:17:59
  do on this Friday. None of that. We just talk
• 1:18:03
  and we stay in the moment and we stay present.
• 1:18:05
  And when we do that, I feel like our relationship
• 1:18:08
  is more solid, we are more grounded, and we're more connected.
• 1:18:11
  Speaker 3: I love it.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: And it's our version of your three day trip, which.
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 3: I'm non transactional.
• 1:18:15
  Speaker 2: I love that. That's and that's hard. I'm sure with kids, yes,
• 1:18:18
  that's harder and harder as you have more people to
• 1:18:20
  talk about and their lives and their minds and their
• 1:18:23
  challenges and their boyfriends that you'll not be mentioned.
• 1:18:26
  Speaker 3: Yes, all that kind of stuff like that gets harder.
• 1:18:28
  I'm sure.
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 2: How do you How do you honor the time so
• 1:18:31
  that you don't get distracted? I find it so easy
• 1:18:35
  to you say that, But then when you get there,
• 1:18:38
  you just got off a phone or you you spoke
• 1:18:40
  to How do you really honored that? How have you
• 1:18:42
  found how have you tried to do that best?
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 1: The best thing for me is is abstinence. I leave
• 1:18:48
  my phone in the house, right, Yeah, And I know
• 1:18:51
  that sounds crazy, and I wish I were more disciplined,
• 1:18:54
  and I wish I could keep in my back pocket
• 1:18:56
  and walk for forty five minutes. I don't have the
• 1:18:57
  I don't have the I do not have the gear.
• 1:18:59
  I don't That's why I leave it if we go
• 1:19:01
  to dinner and I know I need to focus. It
• 1:19:03
  stays in the car. Now so much saying right now,
• 1:19:05
  I would never leave my phone in the car. Why
• 1:19:07
  where's it going? What are you missing? What is your
• 1:19:10
  ESPN notification telling you? What is the TikTok video you're
• 1:19:12
  going to miss? What's the text you're gonna miss? What's
• 1:19:14
  the CNN notification? It's okay, you will be okay. The
• 1:19:17
  world will move on without you. You are okay, You're
• 1:19:19
  not going to miss anything. I think we just have
• 1:19:22
  to be where our feet are. We have to just
• 1:19:24
  like it goes back to something that you said, more
• 1:19:26
  what is your intention? And can we be more intentional
• 1:19:29
  about what we are and how we live and be
• 1:19:31
  more grounded?
• 1:19:32
  Speaker 2: Scott, I could talk to you for hours, genuinely, this
• 1:19:35
  has been so much fun. And I count podcasts now
• 1:19:39
  as I do them more and more, and as we've
• 1:19:40
  done them for a couple of years, and interviews. I
• 1:19:43
  count when I'm having fun on a podcast as the
• 1:19:46
  best indicator of a good conversation. Terrific, and I've had
• 1:19:50
  so much fun today. And I also know and I
• 1:19:53
  just saw the clock. When I was looking at I
• 1:19:54
  was like, we're about to be Our record of this
• 1:19:58
  is in the top three longest episode I've ever done.
• 1:20:01
  That is also of fun when you don't look at
• 1:20:04
  the time. But I want to encourage everyone, and what
• 1:20:07
  you just said now was such a beautiful note. I
• 1:20:09
  want to encourage everyone who's listening to go and grab
• 1:20:12
  a copy of Be Where Your Feet Are Seven principles
• 1:20:15
  to keep you present, grounded, and thriving. We have not
• 1:20:19
  even touched some of my favorite chapters in the book. Like,
• 1:20:21
  we haven't even gone over the concepts of some of
• 1:20:23
  my favorite chapters in the book. We've touched a lot
• 1:20:25
  of my favorites, but there are still someone we have
• 1:20:29
  just scratched the surface on what's really inside this book,
• 1:20:31
  what Scott has to offer. And Scott, I'm hoping that
• 1:20:34
  not everyone, not only does everyone read your book, I
• 1:20:36
  hope everyone goes and follows you. I hope everyone stays
• 1:20:39
  connected with your journey and story like I'm excited to do.
• 1:20:43
  I would hope that we turn this podcast into a
• 1:20:45
  long friendship. I've learned so much from you today. I've
• 1:20:48
  deeply enjoyed your company and I can't wait to meet
• 1:20:51
  your Elijah, fourteen year old daughter who's taught me so
• 1:20:54
  much in such simple ways. But I highly recommend we
• 1:20:58
  le have the link in the caption and everywhere please
• 1:21:01
  go and grab a copy of B Where your Feet Are.
• 1:21:05
  I couldn't recommend it more highly. As you know, Scott,
• 1:21:07
  we end every episode with five fast five final five questions.
• 1:21:11
  These questions have to be answered in one word to
• 1:21:13
  one sentence maximum, So if you're ready.
• 1:21:16
  Speaker 3: Scott will do what's your fast five? All right? So
• 1:21:18
  the first question I have for you is what is
• 1:21:20
  the best advice you've ever received?
• 1:21:22
  Speaker 1: Be present?
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 3: What is the worst advice you've ever received?
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 1: Money never sleeps?
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 3: What's the first thing you do in the morning and
• 1:21:29
  the last thing you do at night?
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: First thing I do in the morning is say my prayers.
• 1:21:34
  Last thing I do at night is say my prayers.
• 1:21:37
  Speaker 3: Beautiful. I love that. What a great life. That's so
• 1:21:40
  simple as well? Patterns are great?
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: Okay, Question number four, how would you describe your current
• 1:21:46
  purpose in life at this stage of your life?
• 1:21:48
  Speaker 1: My current purpose in life is to help develop leaders
• 1:21:54
  whole mind, body, soul, leaders both personally and professionally.
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 3: I love that and added to see do that.
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 2: I think this book is going to be the manual
• 1:22:04
  for leaders.
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 3: I really do. I really believe, because it's.
• 1:22:09
  Speaker 2: About who you are, and it's how what you've done,
• 1:22:11
  but it's how you show up and it's I love
• 1:22:15
  how simple you've made it yet how profound it is,
• 1:22:18
  and I think that balance.
• 1:22:20
  Speaker 3: Is exactly what's needed.
• 1:22:22
  Speaker 2: And the fact that you've sat in those meetings, board meetings,
• 1:22:25
  phone calls that have caused you so much stress and
• 1:22:27
  anxiety and found that the answers and antidotes are actually
• 1:22:32
  the amazing principles that you've laid out in this book.
• 1:22:34
  I really think it's going to be a manual for leaders.
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: So thank you. This has been a gift. You are
• 1:22:38
  a gift to the world, and it's no accident that
• 1:22:41
  this is the number one podcast for your health.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you. And I've got one more question,
• 1:22:46
  the final one.
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 2: If you could create one law that everyone in the
• 1:22:50
  world had to follow, what would it.
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: Be be nice to each other.
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 2: That'd be an amazing law. I really hope that everyone
• 1:22:58
  does trying and follow that. When it's really hurt.
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 1: Just be nice and smile and take care of each
• 1:23:04
  other and serve others and love others and assume positive
• 1:23:08
  intent make the world better. There's too much angst in
• 1:23:13
  this world and you have to do your part. And
• 1:23:16
  if we all do our little part, life gets better
• 1:23:18
  for everybody.
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 2: I love that everyone. Scott O'Neil, please go and get
• 1:23:22
  the book. Be where your feet are, Seven principles to
• 1:23:25
  keep you present, grounded and thriving. Will have all the
• 1:23:27
  links and go and follow Scott across social media. And
• 1:23:30
  what I really want you to do, as you know,
• 1:23:32
  I love it when you do this. I want you
• 1:23:33
  to tag me and Scott on any platform you're using, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook,
• 1:23:38
  whatever you're on, and I want you to tell us
• 1:23:40
  what Scott said that's going to resonate with you that
• 1:23:42
  you're going to practice, Maybe what Eliza said, maybe what
• 1:23:44
  his wife said, whoever said it, I want to know.
• 1:23:47
  Please tag me in him on your post. I'd love
• 1:23:49
  to see him feel all the love for this next phase,
• 1:23:53
  the next chapter that he's doing in his life of
• 1:23:55
  going out to help build conscious leaders. Scott was so
• 1:23:57
  grateful to have had you on on purpose and I'm
• 1:24:00
  really really happy that we spend this time together.
• 1:24:02
  Speaker 1: So thank you, so much.
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 1:24:04
  Speaker 2: If you want even more videos just like this one,
• 1:24:07
  make sure you subscribe and click on the boxes over here.
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 3: I'm also excited to let you know that you can now.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 2: Get my book, Think Like a Monk from Thinklike a
• 1:24:16
  monkbook dot com.
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 3: Check below in the description to make sure you order today.