Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #7: Optimising Optimism

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#7: Optimising Optimism · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:05
Speaker 1: This is the all new Positivity podcast. Hi, my name
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Speaker 1: is doctor Justin Colson. Welcome to the podcast that's designed
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Speaker 1: to make your life, your work, and your family happier.
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Speaker 1: I'm so excited today I'm going to be sharing something
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Speaker 1: that I'm so passionate about. As you know, this podcast
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Speaker 1: used to be all about parenting, and I love talking
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Speaker 1: about parenting. But as I mentioned in the last podcast,
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Speaker 1: I'm shifting the focus of what I talk about with
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Speaker 1: you just a little bit starting today, and I think
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Speaker 1: that you are going to love it. I'm going to
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Speaker 1: be starting each podcast with something to help you to
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Speaker 1: be more positive in life and to boost the positivity
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Speaker 1: around you. I'm going to be keeping the us doctor
0:45
Speaker 1: Justin's segment in the podcast because parenting is just a
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Speaker 1: critical part of what I do what I talk about,
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Speaker 1: so it's not going to hurt you if I keep
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Speaker 1: on chatting about that with you. But after the positivity
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Speaker 1: advice and the parenting advice, the parenting hack that I
1:00
Speaker 1: I used to wrap up the podcast with is gone. Instead,
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Speaker 1: I'm going to be sharing my favorite positivity quote of
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Speaker 1: the day related to the topic wherever I can find one,
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Speaker 1: and the idea is I want you to be inspired.
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Speaker 1: I want you to have a focus for the week.
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Speaker 1: I want you to just be really really pumped about
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Speaker 1: making things as good as you can. So hopefully the
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Speaker 1: new format's going to work really really well for you,
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Speaker 1: and it's going to make you and your family and
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Speaker 1: your whole life more positive. In today's podcast, I can't
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Speaker 1: wait to get into it. I'm talking optimism, not so
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Speaker 1: much the glass is half full kind of optimism, although
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Speaker 1: that is very important and we will touch on that,
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Speaker 1: But instead I'm talking about the optimism where we're looking
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Speaker 1: for really good things to come, We're hoping for a
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Speaker 1: better future, and I'm going to share some strategies to
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Speaker 1: help you to be more optimistic and also to help
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Speaker 1: you maybe at work with your employees or other staff members,
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Speaker 1: to help you in the classroom if you're a school teacher,
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Speaker 1: to help your students be more optimistic, or to help
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Speaker 1: you at home just to help the kids to be
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Speaker 1: more optimistic as well. For my Ask Doctor Justin's segment,
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Speaker 1: this is a tough one. I'm answering a question from
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Speaker 1: a mum who is thinking about leaving her partner and
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Speaker 1: she wants to know whether the kids are going to
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Speaker 1: be Okay, I've got some ideas that I think will
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Speaker 1: be helpful and I think can help any family relationship regardless.
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Speaker 1: But up next ideas about optimizing optimism. Are you pulling your.
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Speaker 2: Hair out because your child won't listen, won't do what
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Speaker 2: your request? Do you find yourself shouting at the children
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Speaker 2: because you just don't know what else to do. Do
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Speaker 2: you have a child who is aggressive or hurting you
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Speaker 2: or his or her siblings? Or are you dealing with
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Speaker 2: a child that is back chatting or disrespectful? Are you
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Speaker 2: finding parenting more challenging than you ever thought possible? Doctor
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Speaker 2: Justin Coulson provides one on one parenting coaching by a
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Speaker 2: Skype or phone and can help you with parenting coaching.
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Speaker 2: You receive personalized individual guidance design specifically for your family's
2:58
Speaker 2: unique circumstances. Find solutions to the parenting problems that are
3:02
Speaker 2: driving you crazy, effective discipline strategies where you can stop
3:06
Speaker 2: being the drill sergeant, a better relationship with your children,
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Speaker 2: and a happier home where everyone looks forward to being together.
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Speaker 2: For more details and a coaching package that will suit you,
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Speaker 2: visit Justincolson dot com Forward slash Coaching you've.
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Speaker 1: Probably heard the pony joke. The joke concerns twin boys
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Speaker 1: aged about five or six. Worried that the boys have
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Speaker 1: developed extreme personalities because one of them is a total
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Speaker 1: pessimists and the others are complete optimist. The parents say, well,
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Speaker 1: we better take them to the psychologist. The psychologist decides
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Speaker 1: to treat the pessimists. First tries to brighten up his
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Speaker 1: outlook by taking him into a room that's piled to
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Speaker 1: the ceiling with dozens of gifts. They're all wrapped up,
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Speaker 1: but instead of being delighted and thrilled at all the
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Speaker 1: good stuff, the little boy, this pessimist, burst into tears.
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Speaker 1: And when the psychologist says, well, what's the matter, trying
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Speaker 1: to work out what's going on with this kid, the
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Speaker 1: little boy says, I want to play with the toys,
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Speaker 1: but when I open they're probably not going to be
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Speaker 1: what I want, and even if they are, I'm probably
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Speaker 1: only going to break them. And the psychologist thinks, wow,
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Speaker 1: this kid is really really pessimistic. Let me try the optimist. So,
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Speaker 1: trying to bring the optimist back to something a little
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Speaker 1: bit more balanced, the psychologist takes into a room that's
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Speaker 1: piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of
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Speaker 1: going oh, that's gross and wrinkling up his nose and thinking, oh,
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Speaker 1: what's this psychologist doing to me, the optimist just yelps
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Speaker 1: with delight, dashes into the room, climbs to the top
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Speaker 1: of the heap, and starts digging with his hands, scoop
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Speaker 1: after scoop of manure. The psychologist says, what do you
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Speaker 1: think you're doing? And the little boy responds, well, with
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Speaker 1: all of this manure, there must be a pony in
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Speaker 1: here somewhere. So I love that story. Optimism is when
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Speaker 1: we think that something wood is coming, and it's a critical,
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Speaker 1: critical resilient skill. It's also researchers have found a very
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Speaker 1: very powerful way to stave off depression and stress and anxiety,
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Speaker 1: both in ourselves and in our children. If you've ever
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Speaker 1: been feeling really depressed, feeling really low, and somebody says,
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Speaker 1: what are you looking forward to? It's very hard to
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Speaker 1: be looking forward to anything. However, if we can constantly
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Speaker 1: keep in our minds the good things that are coming,
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Speaker 1: we seem to be inoculated against depression. And that's a
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Speaker 1: powerful thing. Now, obviously, life can pretty well knock the
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Speaker 1: optimism out of a lot of us, and if we
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Speaker 1: feel that life is not a particularly positive experience, we
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Speaker 1: can start to feel really hopeless. Hopelessness that's when you
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Speaker 1: believe that things are bad and they're going to stay bad. Unfortunately,
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Speaker 1: leads to helplessness, and helplessness leads to depression. But what
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Speaker 1: if we could gain more hope for a better future.
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Speaker 1: What if we could our optimism? Would it matter if
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Speaker 1: we were more optimistic or if our children were more optimistic? Now,
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Speaker 1: there are some times, before we get too caught up
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Speaker 1: in the whole optimism thing, there are some times where
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Speaker 1: it pays to be pessimistic. Something could be in our
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Speaker 1: future that is potentially dangerous, and studies have shown that
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Speaker 1: in risky situations, being a pessimist actually helps. It's probably
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Speaker 1: one of the reasons that your stereotypical lawyer or accountant
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Speaker 1: or engineer is a bit pessimistic or even a bit cynical,
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Speaker 1: because they're being paid to find the problems, to be
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Speaker 1: pessimistic and to expect the worst. And because they do that,
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Speaker 1: they manage to deal with risks, to mitigate risks quite effectively.
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Speaker 1: And you've probably heard the saying as well, if at
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Speaker 1: first you don't succeed, then skydiving's probably not for you. Well.
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Speaker 1: In the nineteen eighties, researchers began to notice that some
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Speaker 1: people hold very strong, fixed, permanent beliefs about personality. They
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Speaker 1: might say, let's take teenagers, for example, they might say
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Speaker 1: something like I'm a loser and I'm always going to
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Speaker 1: be a loser. Or they might say I suck at maths.
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Speaker 1: I'm just stupid when it comes to numbers. I can't
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Speaker 1: figure out polynomials and calculus. It's dune plus I'm never
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Speaker 1: going to use it anyway. If you've got teenagers, or
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Speaker 1: if you've been a teenager, you might have felt like that,
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Speaker 1: or perhaps something even more heartbreaking. I'm ugly or I'm unattractive,
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Speaker 1: my face is full of pimples. I'm going to be
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Speaker 1: stuck like this forever. And teenagers are not the only
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Speaker 1: ones that get pessimistic and hold these really strong permanent
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Speaker 1: beliefs about who they are and what they're capable of doing.
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Speaker 1: Adults say things like I'm just no good at relationships.
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Speaker 1: I never was and I never will be. Adults say
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Speaker 1: once a loser, always a loser. And adults, unfortunately, are
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Speaker 1: even critical about their bodies from time to time, they
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Speaker 1: might say, look at my body, I'll never be in shape. Now,
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Speaker 1: listen to the permanence of these words. Always, never, never was,
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Speaker 1: never will be, never be in shape, always a loser,
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Speaker 1: I'm just stupid, I'm ugly. All these things are so
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Speaker 1: permanent and fixed, and they're actually implying that there's something
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Speaker 1: intrinsically wrong with us. And when there's something intrinsically wrong
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Speaker 1: with us, it's almost like we're a victim. We can't
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Speaker 1: do anything about it, and it becomes all encompassing. It
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Speaker 1: paralyzes our kids, it paralyzes us, It reduces our faith
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Speaker 1: in the future, and it closes us off to the
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Speaker 1: possibility of good things happening. These are pessimistic and negative
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Speaker 1: things to be concentrating on a negative self talk. It's
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Speaker 1: like we've got a bully inside us that's just bashing
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Speaker 1: us again and again and again until we accept it.
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Speaker 1: And it's such a harmful way for us to be well.
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Speaker 1: If we don't want to harm hope, if we don't
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Speaker 1: want to shut down optimism, we need to be aware
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Speaker 1: of what we can do instead. And I'm going to
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Speaker 1: share with you five strategies to optimize optimism and I
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Speaker 1: want you to know that research shows that if we
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Speaker 1: can boost optimism, we actually get better outcomes. If we
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Speaker 1: can convince ourselves or our kids, or our students or
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Speaker 1: our employees that the beliefs, the beliefs that come from
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Speaker 1: the inner bully, are not fixed, that they can be changed,
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Speaker 1: that people can change, that personalities can change. If we
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Speaker 1: can create in the people around us and in ourselves
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Speaker 1: a belief that we can grow and change and nothing
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Speaker 1: is permanent or fixed, research shows that we get better
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Speaker 1: and so do the people around us. So here are
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Speaker 1: five strategies to optimize optimism. Number one, emphasize the word yet,
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Speaker 1: y E T three little letters. Here's the thing. When
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Speaker 1: we tell ourselves I can't, what we need to do
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Speaker 1: is stop and maybe give yourself a little smile and
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Speaker 1: gently add the word yet to the end of your sentence.
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Speaker 1: If you say I just can't do it anymore, and yet,
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Speaker 1: I just can't do it yet. If your teenager says
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Speaker 1: I hate calculus, it's stupid, I'll never use it, acknowledge
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Speaker 1: their feelings, and then you might say it's a real struggle.
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Speaker 1: You can't do it yet. And those three little letters
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Speaker 1: imply both an expectation that it will be done and
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Speaker 1: a belief that it can be done yet yet Okay,
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Speaker 1: Number two, focus on what can be controlled. One of
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Speaker 1: the biggest things about helplessness and hopelessness is we feel
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Speaker 1: like everything's out of our control. We feel like we
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Speaker 1: can't do anything. We're paralyzed. One of my daughters, my
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Speaker 1: four year old, whenever we ask her to do a
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Speaker 1: job that she doesn't want to do, she immediately lays
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Speaker 1: down on the floor and she says, I'm glued, I'm glued.
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Speaker 1: I can't do it. I'm glued. And it's wonderfully cute
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Speaker 1: and just absolutely gorgeous. But we kind of get ourselves glued,
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Speaker 1: don't we. We feel like we're glued, we can't control anything,
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Speaker 1: we're helpless, and we are stuck. But when we change
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Speaker 1: the way we're looking at things, when we instead think
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Speaker 1: about what we can control, something remarkable happens. We feel
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Speaker 1: more optimistic. We might ask ourselves, what can I do
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Speaker 1: about it right now? And if we can't do anything
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Speaker 1: at all, just acknowledge that it's a predicament, that it
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Speaker 1: really stinks that there's nothing that can be done, and
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Speaker 1: focus on something that you can do, something about somewhere else.
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Speaker 1: If you can do something, focus on options, focus on
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Speaker 1: what's easiest first, and build some momentum. As one example,
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Speaker 1: when I was building my business, I went through a
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Speaker 1: phase where absolutely nothing was working. I was not getting
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Speaker 1: any bookings for speaking, I was not selling any books.
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Speaker 1: Nothing was working for me, and I was so worried
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Speaker 1: about it, and I became paralyzed. I became stuck. I
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Speaker 1: became hopeless, and I thought this is never going to work.
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Speaker 1: I think I might have to start looking for a
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Speaker 1: job again. And I didn't want to do that. I
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Speaker 1: really wanted to do what I felt like I was
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Speaker 1: put on this earth to do, which was to share
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Speaker 1: ways that people can make their families happier. What I
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Speaker 1: began to do as I thought through the situation was
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Speaker 1: ask myself, well, what can I do. I don't know
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Speaker 1: what to do. I'm really stuck. I feel glued. But
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Speaker 1: what can I do? And I thought, well, I can
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Speaker 1: pick up the phone and ring some people. It's probably
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Speaker 1: a low probability activity, but I can try. And something
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Speaker 1: remarkable happened as I did it. I started to have
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Speaker 1: some positive conversations. Some people were interested in having me speak,
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Speaker 1: and that opened up my mind to more and more possibilities.
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Speaker 1: And it took a couple of months, but I went
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Speaker 1: from zero to business booming in really maybe six weeks
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Speaker 1: to eight weeks, maybe two months at the max, because
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Speaker 1: I focused on what I could control. Okay. The third
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Speaker 1: idea focus on the end. This is a great idea
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Speaker 1: for us as adults, so particularly for our kids. There
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Speaker 1: was a high school teacher who used to do a
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Speaker 1: regular talk with her students. She'd write on the board
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Speaker 1: there is life after high school and it's great, and
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Speaker 1: then she'd chat with the kids about some of the
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Speaker 1: struggles that they're facing, and she would promise that life
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Speaker 1: gets better. And the students, as a result of that
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Speaker 1: talk really looked forward to the future. They knew that
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Speaker 1: high school would end, that their dramas and struggles in
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Speaker 1: high school would come to a close. The talk had impact.
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Speaker 1: And actually, I've got another story that I want to
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Speaker 1: tell you, but i'll tell you that in just a second.
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Speaker 1: Let me share the next two as well. So so far,
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Speaker 1: we've got to teach ourselves and our children to focus
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Speaker 1: on the word Yet when we're feeling pessimistic, add yet
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Speaker 1: to the end of our sentences. Secondly, focus on what
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Speaker 1: we control. Third, focus on the end. There is life
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Speaker 1: after this, It will get better. Third, sorry, Fourth, understand mindsets.
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Speaker 1: What I recommend here is that you familiarize yourself with
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Speaker 1: research around the way our brains change. You don't have
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Speaker 1: to go into the boring academic stuf. There's some really
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Speaker 1: terrific popular books like Carol Dwex Mindset or Norman Deutge's
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Speaker 1: The Brain That Changes Itself. These are books that will
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Speaker 1: literally change the way you talk about ability and possibility
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Speaker 1: in the future, and they will inspire you to be
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Speaker 1: more optimistic and believe that things can get better than
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Speaker 1: they are right now with a little bit of effort
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Speaker 1: from yourself. And the fifth thing is just to avoid
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Speaker 1: the superficial. If you're feeling lousy, then being told to
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Speaker 1: cheer up it'll get better probably not going to help.
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Speaker 1: Kind of feels dismissive, kind of feels patronizing. So acknowledge
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Speaker 1: what's hard, be real about it, and then move on
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Speaker 1: to the four other steps that I've shared. Ignoring things,
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Speaker 1: putting a band aid on it. It won't do anything helpful,
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Speaker 1: and it may actually make you feel more pessimistic, more depressed,
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Speaker 1: more helpless, more hopeless. So they're the five ideas for
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Speaker 1: boosting optimism. Emphasize yet focus on what you can control,
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Speaker 1: focus on the end, understand mind, and avoid the superficial.
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Speaker 1: Let me share with you a bonus. Ask the kids
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Speaker 1: every single night, and maybe even ask your partner or spouse,
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Speaker 1: whoever it is that's in your life, what are you
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Speaker 1: looking forward to? And have a chat each night about
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Speaker 1: what you're looking forward to. Good things are coming, the
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Speaker 1: future is bright and inoculates us against depression, and it
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Speaker 1: boosts resilience. Now I did mention that I was going
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Speaker 1: to tell you one more story. This is one of
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Speaker 1: my favorite stories. There was a grandmother. This is a
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Speaker 1: true story. A grandmother was told that her days were
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Speaker 1: numbered and she was doing her funeral preparations with her family,
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Speaker 1: knowing that she wouldn't be with them for much longer.
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Speaker 1: She started to tell them not to spend too much
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Speaker 1: money on a variety of things. And one of the
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Speaker 1: things that she mentioned was when I'm buried, just bury
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Speaker 1: me in my pajamas. I don't want you to spend
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Speaker 1: a lot of money on a funeral gown because I'm
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Speaker 1: just going into the ground. But she said, I'd like
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Speaker 1: you to bury me with a fork, and her family
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Speaker 1: thought that actually was a joke. They said, why would
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Speaker 1: you have us bury you with a fork, And she responded,
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Speaker 1: when I was young, when we'd finished our dinner, we
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Speaker 1: would take our dishes to the sink to wash them.
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Speaker 1: But every now and again Dad would call out, kids,
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Speaker 1: hold onto your forks. The best is yet to come.
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Speaker 1: And she said, when they heard that from their dad,
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Speaker 1: they knew that dessert was coming, and they'd get really
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Speaker 1: excited because dessert was such a treat. She said, when
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Speaker 1: I'm buried, I want you to bury me holding a
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Speaker 1: fork because the best is yet to come. I think
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Speaker 1: that optimism, this belief that good things are coming soon,
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Speaker 1: may be one of our most positive beneficial tools for
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Speaker 1: boosting our own and our children's, or our students or
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Speaker 1: our employees self belief and reducing the dangers of depression.
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Speaker 1: Good things are coming, the best is yet to come.
16:45
Speaker 1: Believe it. Okay, up next time to help a mum
16:49
Speaker 1: who wants to know whether leaving her partner is going
16:53
Speaker 1: to affect the children, that's ask doctor justin in just
16:57
Speaker 1: a second.
16:57
Speaker 3: Toilet training, it's a milestone, and that parents.
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17:01
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18:01
Speaker 1: This week, a Dear doctor Justin, that's a bit of
18:04
Speaker 1: a tough one. The email that was sent to me
18:06
Speaker 1: was quite long. Let me summarize in just a couple
18:08
Speaker 1: of sentences. It basically said dear doctor, Justin. I'm thinking
18:11
Speaker 1: about leaving my partner of six years, but I'm worried
18:14
Speaker 1: about how it will affect my toddler. I'm pregnant with
18:16
Speaker 1: another child to my partner, but staying with him doesn't
18:19
Speaker 1: seem like something I want anymore. Does it matter for
18:22
Speaker 1: my kids or will they get over it? So here's
18:25
Speaker 1: my response. First up, relationships are tough, and it sounds
18:31
Speaker 1: like your relationships really getting you down. There's not a
18:35
Speaker 1: lot of context in spite of the long email about
18:37
Speaker 1: what's going on in the relationship. So I'm just going
18:39
Speaker 1: to share some general ideas. First of all, it's never
18:43
Speaker 1: easier to leave. The costs are enormous emotionally, physically, financially,
18:50
Speaker 1: socially in every aspect. You lose friends, you lose money,
18:54
Speaker 1: you lose access to your kids, you lose sleep, you
18:56
Speaker 1: lose your health, you lose peace of mind that may
19:00
Speaker 1: already be slipping or already gone, depending on what sort
19:03
Speaker 1: of circumstances you're in. But leaving affects everything. And I
19:08
Speaker 1: mean when I say affects everything, I read something just
19:10
Speaker 1: the other day that said when we split up our families,
19:12
Speaker 1: it even affects the environment, because it means we've got
19:15
Speaker 1: to get another house and another car and pay for
19:17
Speaker 1: all that extra electricity. It's bad in every way usually.
19:22
Speaker 1: So my two cents is this, you owe it to
19:25
Speaker 1: each other, and you owe it to your child, and
19:28
Speaker 1: you're soon to be born child to try and save
19:30
Speaker 1: it unless unless there's abuse, including emotional abuse. If there
19:36
Speaker 1: is abuse, then that changes the scenario. But I'm going
19:40
Speaker 1: to proceed with the last few things that I'm going
19:42
Speaker 1: to mention on an assumption that abuse is not present.
19:45
Speaker 1: If it is present, then the advice changes significantly and
19:49
Speaker 1: it should involve psychologists and legal help. And I'm not
19:51
Speaker 1: going to touch that. I'm just going to focus on
19:54
Speaker 1: assuming that abuse is not occurring in this relationship, what
19:56
Speaker 1: do you do well? Research by the world's leading marriage
20:02
Speaker 1: and divorce academic Paul Amato shows that kids are better
20:06
Speaker 1: off in a low conflict but unhappy marriage than in
20:10
Speaker 1: a divorced home. Now that doesn't tell us everything about
20:14
Speaker 1: how they're better off over the long term, but generally,
20:18
Speaker 1: whatever measures have been included in Paul Amato's research, it
20:22
Speaker 1: suggests that kids are better off if the home is
20:25
Speaker 1: unhappy but low conflict. Now I know that's really provocative,
20:29
Speaker 1: it's very challenging. But in his work he wrote a
20:33
Speaker 1: paper that was called a Generation at Risk, growing Up
20:36
Speaker 1: in an Era of family Upheaval. In his work he
20:39
Speaker 1: makes a very very powerful case to support it. There's
20:43
Speaker 1: also research by another leading marriage scholar by the name
20:46
Speaker 1: of John Gottman, and he indicates that the vast majority
20:49
Speaker 1: of couples actually regret their decision to divorce, but it
20:53
Speaker 1: usually takes several years, usually about six years. He suggests, Now, again,
20:57
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you should not leave. I'm just
21:01
Speaker 1: letting you know that the research indicates that on the whole,
21:04
Speaker 1: if you can work through it, things will be better.
21:07
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you regret it. I'm not saying
21:10
Speaker 1: that the relationship should be done. But if there's no abuse,
21:14
Speaker 1: I think that it's worth fighting hard to make it work. Now,
21:17
Speaker 1: the next point that I'll make is this, I'm really
21:20
Speaker 1: curious and I can't get an answer to it, but
21:22
Speaker 1: I'm really curious about why you've never married, what stopped
21:25
Speaker 1: you committing to the marriage. And the reason that I
21:29
Speaker 1: ask is this. There's some remarkable research that's been carried
21:33
Speaker 1: out over the last couple of decades by a fellow
21:35
Speaker 1: called Scott Stanley, and he calls it the cohabitation effect.
21:40
Speaker 1: Research into cohabitation shows that there's a significant difference in
21:45
Speaker 1: relationship quality and life satisfaction, and commitment to the relationship
21:50
Speaker 1: and commitment to children in couples who are cohabiting prior
21:54
Speaker 1: to being engaged and married compared with those who wait
21:58
Speaker 1: to cohabit until they're engaged married, And obviously that's a
22:01
Speaker 1: diminishing segment of the population as well. Now, the really
22:04
Speaker 1: interesting thing about this research is couples are happier and
22:07
Speaker 1: families are happier. There's higher levels of satisfaction, even sexual satisfaction,
22:12
Speaker 1: I mean, you name it whatever. You're looking at higher
22:13
Speaker 1: levels of fidelity to the relationship. If we wait before
22:19
Speaker 1: we live with somebody until we're engaged or married to them.
22:23
Speaker 1: It's independent of income, religion, education, a whole lot of
22:27
Speaker 1: other variables. So maybe in your relationship, commitment has always
22:32
Speaker 1: been an issue. It's not a judgment, it's just a
22:34
Speaker 1: question and making that commitment, sealing the deal seems to
22:38
Speaker 1: do a lot for relationship satisfaction, seems to do a
22:41
Speaker 1: lot for relationship commitment, seems to make the family happier.
22:45
Speaker 1: So let's wrap this up. Should you leave. No one
22:48
Speaker 1: can ultimately decide this, but you what you're experiencing. If
22:52
Speaker 1: you're going through a relationship crisis like this is quite normal, unless,
22:55
Speaker 1: as I've already mentioned, there's abuse, but that was a
22:58
Speaker 1: described in the email. The data tells us really clearly
23:01
Speaker 1: that as relationships progress, happiness does decline, particularly when children
23:06
Speaker 1: are in the picture. We get more unhappy as kids
23:09
Speaker 1: get older and as the relationship matures. And I speak
23:12
Speaker 1: to couples regularly who wanted to give up, but they
23:16
Speaker 1: stuck it out and they're grateful that they did, and
23:20
Speaker 1: so are their kids. Okay, that's probably all I can
23:23
Speaker 1: really answer. If you need more advice than you're in
23:25
Speaker 1: that kind of a situation, have a chat with a
23:28
Speaker 1: psychologist and get some personal ideas. You might also, if
23:33
Speaker 1: you are in a tough spot, I want to make
23:35
Speaker 1: some legal investigations. But beware of the lawyer whose first
23:39
Speaker 1: statement of businesses to organize divorce papers. There's a lot
23:42
Speaker 1: of self interest involved in that kind of an approach.
23:44
Speaker 1: I hope that helps relationships can work, but for them
23:48
Speaker 1: to work, we have to work. So it's about talking
23:52
Speaker 1: to each other. It's about getting on the same page.
23:53
Speaker 1: It's about making a commitment to work at it and
23:56
Speaker 1: hopefully things will improve. That's my response for this week
23:59
Speaker 1: for us, Doctor Justin. Remember you can ask me a
24:02
Speaker 1: question anytime at justinculson dot com slash questions. You can
24:06
Speaker 1: let me a voicemail message or you can email me.
24:09
Speaker 1: All the info you need is at justinculson dot com
24:12
Speaker 1: slash questions.
24:13
Speaker 4: We all love our children that sometimes they can make
24:16
Speaker 4: live challenging and we're all searching for the right answers.
24:19
Speaker 4: In the end, all we want is happy children and
24:21
Speaker 4: happy families. Doctor Justin Coulson is one of Australia's most
24:25
Speaker 4: respected parenting voices. His seminars have equipped and empowered thousands
24:29
Speaker 4: of parents to make their families happier. But sometimes getting
24:32
Speaker 4: to a parenting seminar can be tough. There's work and
24:36
Speaker 4: other commitments. Then there's the issue of the children and babysitters.
24:40
Speaker 4: Now you can watch one of doctor Justin's seminars from
24:42
Speaker 4: the comfort of your own home and at a time
24:45
Speaker 4: that works for you. In this seminar video available online.
24:48
Speaker 4: Now you're invited to sit in on one of doctor
24:51
Speaker 4: Justin's parenting seminars as he takes you from confusion to clarity.
24:55
Speaker 4: Combining parenting research with heartfelt stories, you'll discover the three
24:59
Speaker 4: essent keys to raising a resilient chance.
25:02
Speaker 1: And creating a happy family.
25:04
Speaker 4: You learn how to build a strong connection with your children,
25:06
Speaker 4: have to really understand them, and how to get discipline
25:09
Speaker 4: rights what your child needs from you. A seminar from
25:13
Speaker 4: doctor Justinkilson at Justinkilson dot com. Download this ninety minute
25:17
Speaker 4: seminar now or purchase the DVD at Justinkilson dot com.
25:21
Speaker 1: Before I share my awesome optimism quote for this week,
25:25
Speaker 1: a couple of announcements that might be useful for you
25:27
Speaker 1: to know. First off, I am giving a lot of
25:29
Speaker 1: presentations lately at schools, at preschools, at workplaces. I've done
25:33
Speaker 1: workplaces like real estate agencies, swimming school, a law firm.
25:38
Speaker 1: If you're interested in getting me to present at your
25:41
Speaker 1: workplace about being positive, bringing your best self to work,
25:45
Speaker 1: motivating employees, or just having happy families, or if you'd
25:49
Speaker 1: like me to present at your children's school, high school, preschool,
25:53
Speaker 1: I'm offering mate rates until the end of November for
25:57
Speaker 1: anybody who mentions this podcast, so we're talking about a
26:00
Speaker 1: fairly handed discount here. February twenty fifteen is already full.
26:04
Speaker 1: I think I've only got two days available in February
26:06
Speaker 1: next year. March is filling up fast. But if you'd
26:08
Speaker 1: like to kick off twenty fifteen on a strong positive note,
26:12
Speaker 1: getting quick, particularly at work, but maybe even for your
26:15
Speaker 1: schools as well. If I can pat myself on the
26:19
Speaker 1: back for just a secon my presentations are getting some
26:21
Speaker 1: great reviews. Let me share a couple of very kind
26:24
Speaker 1: things that some people have said about me. The first
26:26
Speaker 1: one comes from Julie Cochran. She's the deputy principal at
26:29
Speaker 1: Cedar's Christian College. She says, Justin is an engaging presenter
26:33
Speaker 1: and an effective communicator who uses humor and real life
26:36
Speaker 1: examples to effectively identify and address some of the difficult
26:40
Speaker 1: issues faced by parents of teens. Justin's open and honest
26:43
Speaker 1: approach to parenting is refreshing. And this presentation comes with
26:47
Speaker 1: my highest recommendation. That was a presentation that I gave
26:51
Speaker 1: at Cedars Christian College about raising Terrific teens. Joe O'Brien,
26:55
Speaker 1: who's the owner and director of Platinum Preschool at Randwick
26:59
Speaker 1: said this at a presentation that I gave to preschool parents.
27:03
Speaker 1: The feedback that we've had about doctor Justin Colson's presentation
27:05
Speaker 1: has been astounding. He was engaging, articulate, and best of all,
27:09
Speaker 1: provided positive and easily applied advice for busy parents. Many
27:13
Speaker 1: of our parents have expressed heartfelt gratitude for inviting doctor
27:16
Speaker 1: Justin to speak and have told us that his strategies
27:18
Speaker 1: are already having positive effects in their families. We look
27:21
Speaker 1: forward to Justin and returning to speak again as soon
27:23
Speaker 1: as possible. And I might just add that Joe and
27:26
Speaker 1: her team have already booked me again for twenty fifteen
27:29
Speaker 1: because it went so well. Two more very quick ones
27:31
Speaker 1: for you. This one is from a real estate office
27:33
Speaker 1: in Dapdo at PRD Nationwide DAPDO. Tracy McDonald, who owns
27:38
Speaker 1: the business there, said, we had the pleasure of Justin
27:41
Speaker 1: doing a training session for our team. It was the
27:43
Speaker 1: second time we wanted to raise the bar of service
27:46
Speaker 1: that we provide our clients, but this was not possible
27:48
Speaker 1: if the whole team didn't see the benefit of raising
27:51
Speaker 1: their own personal bar. Justin's positive psychology talk, will the
27:54
Speaker 1: best me please stand up? Inspired both managers and the
27:57
Speaker 1: team to increase their performance in simple, easy maintain ways.
28:01
Speaker 1: The team was inspired by Justin and we look forward
28:03
Speaker 1: to having him back a third time. Let me add
28:05
Speaker 1: to that PRD nationwide AAPTO. I've actually invited me back
28:08
Speaker 1: to run a series of seminars in twenty fifteen because
28:11
Speaker 1: they're getting such great results as a result of the
28:14
Speaker 1: things that I shared. I love what I do, I
28:17
Speaker 1: love making a difference, and I would love to come
28:19
Speaker 1: and speak at your workplace, or your school, or your
28:21
Speaker 1: children's preschool or high school or primary school. I travel
28:25
Speaker 1: all over the country in twenty fifteen. I think I'm
28:29
Speaker 1: booked for philip Island in Victoria, Gippsland in Victoria, a
28:32
Speaker 1: handful of spots in Queensland. I'm heading to Perth, I'm
28:34
Speaker 1: heading to Auckland, and I might be also heading to Adelaide,
28:38
Speaker 1: although that's still being being arranged. So if you'd like
28:42
Speaker 1: me to be involved and to make a difference, get
28:46
Speaker 1: in touch via my website Justinculson dot com and just
28:50
Speaker 1: make your inquiries through the speaking page. I'd love to
28:52
Speaker 1: hear from you. Okay, that's all the announcements. Let's wrap
28:55
Speaker 1: up the podcast now with an inspirational quote to hang
28:58
Speaker 1: on to for the week and to talk in your families,
29:00
Speaker 1: or your classrooms or your officers. I couldn't decide between
29:04
Speaker 1: two quotes, so I've decided to share both. The first
29:07
Speaker 1: one is from Winston Churchill. He was a pretty inspiring
29:09
Speaker 1: speaker and he said this, A pessimist sees the difficulty
29:13
Speaker 1: in every opportunity. An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
29:21
Speaker 1: I love that quote. It might be worth sharing with
29:22
Speaker 1: your family and having a chat about pessimism and optimism
29:25
Speaker 1: and finding the opportunities in every difficulty. But this one,
29:29
Speaker 1: this is my favorite from Victor Hugo in Ley miss
29:32
Speaker 1: Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. Optimism.
29:38
Speaker 1: It changes our outlook on life and the sun will rise.
29:42
Speaker 1: So that's it for this podcast. Thank you for listening.
29:45
Speaker 1: Remember to hold on to your forks. The best is
29:47
Speaker 1: yet to come. If you have any questions that you'd
29:49
Speaker 1: like answered, go to Justinclson dot com slash questions. I'll
29:51
Speaker 1: do my best to answer them in an upcoming podcast.
29:54
Speaker 1: You can leave me a voice message there, or you
29:56
Speaker 1: can send me an email and if you've enjoyed this podcast.
30:00
Speaker 1: You find the outline. You'll find the resource links in
30:02
Speaker 1: the show notes at justinculson dot com slash podcast slash seven.
30:08
Speaker 1: That's with the number seven. Let me also just quickly
30:11
Speaker 1: encourage you, as I do every week, to share the
30:13
Speaker 1: podcast if it's made an impact on you, or if
30:15
Speaker 1: it's helped you in your professional life or in your parenting.
30:18
Speaker 1: I'd be most appreciative if you would just visit justinculson
30:21
Speaker 1: dot com slash podcast slash seven. You'll find the Twitter
30:25
Speaker 1: and Facebook links already prepopulated and ready to go. You
30:28
Speaker 1: can share them with your friends, your followers, tell everybody
30:30
Speaker 1: about the podcast and help it to make a difference
30:33
Speaker 1: an impact in their lives. I'd also be tremendously grateful
30:37
Speaker 1: if you would rate the podcast on iTunes, and of course,
30:40
Speaker 1: as you know, you can subscribe to the podcast on
30:42
Speaker 1: iTunes as well. Please do that. That is it for
30:44
Speaker 1: this week. I'll have another podcast ready to go for
30:46
Speaker 1: next week. Until then, remember, the greatest weapon against stress
30:51
Speaker 1: is our ability to choose one thought over another.
31:00
Speaker 2: Me