Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 292. Answering More Of Your Very Tough Questions on Intimacy

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292. Answering More Of Your Very Tough Questions on Intimacy · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you have been married, you can find passion, happiness and romance at any stage of your life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Join us as we have discussions in all areas of intimacy, interview marriage professionals and people who are just flat-out fun.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Our podcast is for all couples looking to transform their relationship.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with your hosts, nick and Amy, and a couple of our dogs.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: Hopefully you don't hear them chime in as well.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Hopefully they don't have something to say about these subjects.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love my dogs, amy loves her dogs.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: You don't.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: I love them not quite as much as you love them.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I don't think anyone would love their dogs as much as I do.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, they're pretty good.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: If anything ever happens to Nick which I think he'll live to 100, the way he takes care of himself.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: But if anything ever happened, you would find me on a farm with dozens of dogs that I have rescued.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: You would find her on the Lifetime channel or something of hoarders.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: Possibly I'm not going to lie Possibly.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: Lady's husband dies and she has 297 dogs.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I would be addicted.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: You know how people have addictions.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I would have an addiction of rescuing dogs In my heart.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: That's how big it is for dogs.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Anyways, that's about me.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: That's not that you cared, not that you cared.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: I kind of got a subject, but anyways, uh, welcome today's episode.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: We're answering more of your tough questions.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: We have people emailing us and some of their emails are like you guys suck what, what you know?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: How can you say that this is bad?
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: Or you know whatever?
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: They don't say that.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm embellishing.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Nick might be embellishing a little bit.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: But we are going to answer or respond to some of the messages and feedback that we got and hopefully this will be fun and interesting and enlightening for all of you.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Because that's why you listen to us.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: You mean enlightening.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Enlightening that's why you listen to us is for us to enlighten you.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I don't.
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: And provide good food for thought and information that are going to bless your marriage.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: It's probably not the best answers we're not don't have the best answers but I like that word food for thought.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you can be done listening and be like I either need to implement or not implement.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: They're crazy.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that one.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna do that one.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I like that idea.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: I hate that idea if this were on a tv channel, this would be more like your mtv or something where you're like uh, the questions are just you mean this episode?
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: yeah, yeah, the questions we're getting are a little a little different these questions are kind of like what I don't know.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I I would be interested to see some of the feedback on this episode because these are some tough, more tough questions that some of them, like I think people could disagree with us big time.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: On this one, I don't know.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Why don't you tell us?
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: So, let's dive in.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Amy's going to read us the question and then we're going to talk about the question.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, remember, these questions are things we either got in a comment or a DM or an email and we're just going to read them as is so just Unedited, or an email, and we're just gonna read them as is so just unedited.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: It is what it is right edited version unedited.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: It's still.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: If you have kids in the car or something, uh, it's still the pg version yeah, there's nothing bad in this.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: No, there's nothing, there's not.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: I mean, we never talk anything bad, but there's no like that kind of talk.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I don't think.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Actually there might be a couple talking about intimacy.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I don't know, we'll see about the list we'll see what happens.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: We'll see what happens, maybe adults only on this one, okay.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Question number one where is the line between wanting to connect with one spouse but also having respect for each other, especially when it comes to unsolicited touching each other in sensitive places, groin, chest, etc.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: A friend of mine suggests in her relationship because she wants sexual touch sometimes and enjoys connecting with her husband sexually, but she doesn't appreciate when her husband just grabs her by the boob, for example, without consent or warning.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: How can one helpfully communicate that boundary without making their spouse feel rejected?
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: And then she goes on to say personally, I don't care how needy quote a man is.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: A woman's body is her own and she should not need to feel like she's a plaything for her spouse that he can just grab whenever he feels like it.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: My friend feels like my friend my friend asking for a friend.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: My friend feels extremely guilty when her husband gets upset because he feels guilty.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: But a healthy marriage should allow for boundaries, right?
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: That was the question.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: That was a long question.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: Question statement.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: Well, are you winded after reading that?
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Sorry I'm okay.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Oxygen.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Do you need to relax a?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: sec.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: I just cleared my throat.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, do you want me to respond first?
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Lead us off.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: You are the woman, okay.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I have a couple things to say on this one.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: It is our body, and any loving spouse or husband already knows that.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: My body, my choice.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, my choice oh dear, no, I'm sorry, go ahead um, we're not getting into that one.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: That's a whole nother topic.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: It is our body.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: It is our body.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: But when we get married we see I'm gonna get attacked.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: Whatever way I go with this, I'm gonna get attacked that's all right, just own it, just give your insight there okay, this is a hard line.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: I I don't even know how to explain this.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: It is our body.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: It's also your body.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: When I got married, your body became my body.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: My body became your body, but, but with boundaries absolutely with boundaries but the thing is is you don't want much of my body.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: I want more of your body than you want of my body.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: And, I'm sure, a lot of men and women feel that way.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: You're like I don't want your body.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: What's attractive about that, but we as men, we're like I'm attracted to your body.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, and most husbands will say that about their wives.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Most husbands will say that about their wives.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Most husbands will say that about their wives, even if their body is not perfect, most husbands will say that about their wife's body.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: however, we're getting off subject let's steer back okay, it is his body and it's my, it's more my body in marriage.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: When I got married, I committed to being united with him right if the marriage was good and he was faithful, like we talked about back in the what is seduce or um, what is um, um, um, submission you were not helping me.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I didn't know what you were talking about.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: You were usually there to put the words in my mouth.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: I just heard what is, and then you're looking at me.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like it's not seduction.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Submission in marriage we already did an episode on that.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I don't want to get into that because we've already talked all about that.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: But submission in marriage, in a healthy marriage, yes, that is good.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: But okay, she's talking about just grabbing her.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: Grabbing her down there, grabbing her up there, whatever I I think, okay, I'm guilty of this, like, if you've, we had a video we did, uh, and where I grabbed amy's butt at the end and people were commenting on that.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Um well, but we were kissing and embracing each other and then you grabbed my butt.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: But there's lots of videos and things that go viral, like with a husband walking by, always grabbing the wife's butt right.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, so we have a little bit of this in our marriage, but it's something that we've talked about, right Like I'm?
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: like.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Hey, does that make you feel uncomfortable?
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Uncomfortable, okay.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: I a lot of times I grab Amy's butt.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: That is my non-verbal way of saying hey, I really love you.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: You mean a lot to me.
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: It's not sexual.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: I'm not grabbing her butt to like start getting crazy in public or things like that, like it's it's a gesture to say hey, I really love you and and I'm here for you, and and that's most husbands probably and yeah, I like your butts, but and that's probably most husbands yeah so, but I've talked to amy about it and I've said hey, how does that make you feel?
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: do, would you rather, I don't do that do, is it okay?
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: okay, this is okay.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: This is where the answer comes.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: Okay, number one you have to talk about if something is bothering you or it's making you not feel loved, or it's not making you feel safe or it's not, it's just bugging the crap out of you.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: Talk about it like I think women are really good at being like I'm just gonna ignore it.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: He likes it.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I hate it.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: But there gets a point with anything, especially this topic, to where if you get so bugged, it's gonna do the opposite, affecting your marriage you can't just ignore it anymore.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: It's literally like bugging deep enough to where it's gonna affect other aspects of your marriage well, right, yeah, and it's also to like there's some things that are okay to be done in public and other things that are not okay to be done in public I don't even know if she's talking about in public or not and then there's things in your own house like it's right, like hopefully you're never grabbing your wife's breast in public.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: But hopefully not if you're in your house and you've talked about that, okay, you know whatever I would.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: I would not like that, I do not want me grabbing my boobs like I'm sorry, like as a playful thing in the kitchen, don't?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: I don't want that.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Like, do I mind him grab my butt once in a while?
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: But like that it takes a conversation because a husband might not know that.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: So I have to side with the husband here.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: If you're doing something and she doesn't say anything, that's kind of her fault.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: She has to say that and as a husband I would not just go up and grab Amy's boobs outside the bedroom.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: That would feel uncomfortable for me.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: It would feel kind of disrespectful.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: So there's a time and a place right.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: There's a time and a place right.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: There's a time and a place.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: But that leads me to the next thing.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: There are times when nick will grab my butt in the kitchen and I'm not in the mood to have my butt grabbed and he's not going to know that unless I say something.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: But but my point of this part of the conversation is you can kind of tell when your wife's in a playful mood or a happy mood or she's not feeling good.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: That's your job as a husband is to be able to read your, your wife where is she?
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: emotionally.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Don't make light of this.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: I'm not, you're gonna make a joke out of it.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: This is serious right now.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, and then you could make a light of it.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: Okay, when your wife is not in a playful mood, or if she's having a really bad day, or if she's, if she's really struggling with something and you can sense that it is not the time to just be playful and grab her, but unless, of course, you've talked about it and she that brings her out of that mood.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: But sometimes that's not the time or or place to the time to do it what amy is saying is know your audience like no?
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: it's not your audience, it's just your spouse.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I know it's.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: I'm just I'm just saying, like that's a saying right, know your audience what what's going on around you.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: What's in the room, how?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Are they're going to react and yeah I this comes down to, once again, emotional communication and emotional connection, emotional intimacy, whatever you want to call it in your marriage.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: If you know your spouse like you really know your spouse you've had deep discussions with you, with them, you know their feelings.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: You just kind of know your spouse intimacy right into me, see.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: If you see into your wife, you're gonna know this answer yeah you're gonna know this answer.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: You're gonna already know she wants to be touched that way, where she likes to be touched and how she wants to be touched and when she wants to be touched yeah, and just be smart and know, like when is appropriate, when's not appropriate, like right, just I mean don't, don't don't do anything disrespectful.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: Now if amy, if amy grabbed my butt and cupped a fill in public and grabbed, palmed my left cheek, I would love it.
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: But anyways, I'm just saying so.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: But yeah, know where you're at, all that stuff.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: If your spouse is a full-on physical touch love language, they're probably fine with all the touch they can get.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: But once again, did you go on the app and take the quiz?
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Have you taken?
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: the big quiz.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: Do you know that about your spouse?
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: Actually I'm all talk because Amy wanted to get crazy in a public space one time and I denied her.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: It wasn't in a public.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: I'm all talk.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, now I'm going to get really cool for that.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: It was not in a public place, was nobody around, so don't even okay you're right, there was no one around.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: There was no one around.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: We're moving on.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: We're moving on I hope that answers that question, that that's a good question.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: Yep, all right uh, next question.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: so lady says in episode 282 we answered and talked about a question about divorce.
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: She emailed us and said how in the world can you say that you're in support of divorce and that that is okay?
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: Because she says the Bible states that we should never get divorced?
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: That's a good one.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: We could do an entire episode on that.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: This is a podcast episode back then that we did talk about divorce and Amy and I are episode back then that we did talk about divorce and Amy and I are I don't, I wouldn't.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: We're not pro divorce, right.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: We're.
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Everything we're doing with our podcasts and our app and everything is to try to help couples stay together.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: So we're we're not sitting here, we've I don't think we've ever come across and said, oh, you should just get divorced, and that we're promoting that.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: However, oh you should just get divorced, nope, and that we're promoting that.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: However, having said that, I come from divorced parents and my parents now are a million times happier with their new spouses than they were when they were married, and they would have been miserable.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: It would have done such a disservice to everyone by staying married.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Including the kids.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Including the kids.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, are there certain times when, like people have given up in marriage, a spouse has given up and will not try.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Uh, do you think god wants you to be miserable the rest of your life?
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: No, he does not.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: So I think there are certain circumstances when you've tried everything you can and you have a spouse that just isn't willing to try anymore and has pretty much given up.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Then, yeah, there are.
• 14:43
  Speaker 2: I think there are times when divorce is okay and I and Amy's Amy's giving me a grin but yeah, I absolutely think.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: There are times when you've given all you've got, your spouse isn't willing to do anything.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: There's times when you're in an abusive've got.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: Your spouse isn't willing to do anything.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: There's times when you're in an abusive relationship.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: Do you think God wants to just to sit in an abusive relationship?
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: Absolutely not.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: He wants you to be happy.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: He wants you to find something, someone that's going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: So again, um, those are my thoughts.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: Um, we, you know, of course there's that balance, but again, that's just my thoughts.
• 15:25
  Speaker 2: You can agree or disagree, and that's totally great.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Everyone has their own opinion, but I don't, I don't believe that God wants you to be in an unhappy situation or an abusive situation.
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: That's just my feeling.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to add to that, but I think you covered it.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: Like I 100% agree with that, like we're not pro-divorce, but in certain situations I'm just going to be honest.
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: In certain situations I am pro-divorce.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: There are situations that I would never put myself in personally.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: I would never want a woman to stay in, or sometimes even a man to stay in, or sometimes even a man to stay in.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: There are, there are things that god in the bible says we should not do, and when those are happening in a marriage, or your spouse changes after marriage and is doing awful things, that is not your fault and there are times where I have seen many marriages come out of serious crap and both people have gotten help and healing.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Some have come back together, some have gotten remarried, some have found other spouses who treat them the way that god wants them to treat them.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Every situation is different.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: I don't think we can condemn people that get divorced, and I think sometimes it can be the best thing in the world, and we're absolutely not pro-divorce.
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: We absolutely want couples to do whatever they can to make their marriage passionate in fact amy divorced the old nick.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: The old nick is gone and she remarried the new nick in the relationship.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: So it's just a statement.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I didn't really divorce them and remarry them well, the old nick is is gone, well we kind of look that in in marriages all the time, like we're yeah different, different, we go through stuff, we come out stronger.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: We hope that that's what's happening in most marriages, but there are times and places where we see that divorce is not always the worst thing so you can disagree with us.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: Like we said, this is personal opinion yeah, it's our god wants us to be happy.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: It's our podcast, so if you don't like it, too bad.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: My heart gets ripped out with some stories that I've heard of marriages where women have stayed and I'm sure men too, and it's heartbreaking to me.
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: God does not want certain things happening in marriage, so there are situations where divorce is absolutely the right thing to do.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I want every marriage to thrive, though you know how we feel about marriage we see couples come out of crazy hard stuff and become amazing spouses.
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: That's what we're like.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: We don't want you, we don't want anyone to give up I don't think we've ever given advice like oh, you should just get divorced.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, no.
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: We have tons of professionals in all areas that we can recommend to people, whatever they're going, we can.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: We see marriages turn around all the time so unless it's serious serious addiction or abuse like we've seen, marriages come back from full on breaking the line.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: We're getting divorced to thriving Like I've never seen thriving before.
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: And people have their free agency and a lot of times spouses turn into completely different people after they get married and, and that's not what you signed up for absolutely so.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: Anyways, that's our advice on that one.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: That's just how we're gonna answer it.
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: I love the next one.
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: This is oh my gosh, I can't believe we got this question.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: You're gonna listen and you're gonna be like what, what?
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I don't think anyone listening is gonna even agree with this question at all.
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Do you want me to read it?
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: Read it okay, loud and proud baby she said amy, I don't remember what this was on.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Do you remember this?
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: Was this a comment?
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: But, but yeah oh no, it was on a porn podcast, so we got an email but listen to how she starts out, amy, it's very like okay I'm coming after you am.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: Amy, with all due respect, you are missing it on porn.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Women actually want their husbands watching porn.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: Why First they're watching porn, Then they don't have to ask their wife for sex.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Second, it gives the wife a get out of jail card.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Now she has something on her husband and will play that card if she wants to divorce him.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Like a buddy of mine says, it's so refreshing to see attractive women who actually want to have it.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Enjoy it and look forward to it.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Hold on and make an effort for the other person to enjoy it.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: For those of us living in forced, no-touch marriages, it's the only relief we have that came from a husband okay, this guy is obviously.
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: This guy is living in fantasy land he's not in reality anymore when he says like a buddy of mine says, it's so refreshing to see attractive women who actually want to have sex and enjoy it he's watching paid people that are getting paid to fake something and they're absolutely not not attractive enjoying any, any ounce of it exactly and it's fake, probably, I don't know.
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: We don't watch it, so we don't know.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: But, um, okay, but where do we even start with this comment, right, okay?
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I bet hold on I bet, if we took a poll among our audience, he's.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: He says, with all due respect, you're missing on porn.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Women actually want their husbands watching porn.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: No, no, if we let's take a poll on this and see, and I don't even want to take a poll on that.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: That's disgusting.
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: I can tell you that 99 unless, unless a wife is the one with a problem, every wife would be like no, I don't want my husband watching that.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Most women feel like that is cheating.
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Most, most christian women feel like porn is a form of cheating absolutely yeah so no, they don't want that.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Second, she says, oh, oh, first they're watching porn and then they don't ask the wife for sex.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, 30 percent of our audience is now coming and saying I'm the high drive wife, I want sex and my husband is the one rejecting me.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: So there's 30 percent of the audience.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: I guarantee the rest of our audience is actually wanting an intimate marriage.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: There might just be some other barriers some barriers keeping them from wanting to be intimate, like emotional intimacy barriers that we talk about every single episode, yeah, all right.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Next one Second it gives the white a get out of jail card.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: What does that even mean?
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: What does that even mean?
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: I have no idea he's mean.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: It's giving them an excuse to not have to do with their husband.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Dude, like you've got some serious, serious barriers and things going on in your marriage to even think that a wife wants oh, I don't even know where to start.
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna get all hyped up on this one.
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're getting worked up for those of you that can't see her.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: She's getting fired up.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's crazy and I it's amazing how I mean, let's just be honest porn is not good.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: It's amazing how many people justify their actions as to why they're going to watch porn.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: And I just have to bring myself down to some and be like it's heartbreaking.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: The comments that I get of the women and the men suffering with it is heartbreaking.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Like I don't even.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: I don't even want to get started on this cause.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: This topic, this whole podcast is not on porn.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: We have another one coming out really soon about the heartbreaking effects this is heartbreaking what it's doing to marriages, like having a comment even come at us like this, like it's heartbreaking.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think it's just the point that he's so promoting it Like it's just such a wonderful thing and that everyone should be doing it.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Well, he's pretty much telling us in those.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: However many paragraphs that his marriage is a disaster.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like even those that you're missing it, they want it.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: They don't ask their wife for it anymore because of it, though that just tells me that you have some serious, serious disconnected issues that you are covering up in your marriage like that's heartbreaking to actually hear this, this message from this guy, I feel bad and, having said that, we do recognize why some people turn to porn.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: Right, absolutely we do recognize that, like well, I don't know that.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: We recognize why, like there's not a valid reason, but we see so many people suffer from turning correct right, but what?
• 23:24
  Speaker 2: I'm saying is like if a, if a wife has completely cut off any, anything, and and again there's still not a reason to turn, still not a reason, but but you can at least understand in your mind why someone would go that route.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying that it's right or anything like that I'm not saying it's the wife's father.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: What we're, the whole thing we're saying, is that there's a disconnect that needs to be solved and a husband he's going, turning to it.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: He's turning to it to fulfill a need yeah, a need that he thinks this will fulfill his need, but he's gonna find out it won't fulfill his need well, obviously it's making his marriage worse.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: So anyways, okay, I don't know how much we have to cover on that.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: There's a there.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: We have several pornography episodes.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: If you're not struggling with it, if you are struggling with it, if you're deep into it, if it's wrecked your marriage, if you're having resentment because of it, if you've overcome it, we have different episodes for all those.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: We have another one coming out soon with a guy who's been in every aspect of that and is helping people get out of it.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Some great stuff coming up.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: So yeah, and we, we truly care and want you to get that help because, as you're able to get out of it and overcome it, um, your marriage will be benefited in so many other ways absolutely, absolutely.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: Next one next one, this one like is a total shift on what we were just talking about hey, these are just questions and things that we got.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like we're just trying our best to answer them.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Be patient with us, please.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Number four was why does your podcast say it's for healthy marriages, okay?
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: So in the opening of our podcast it says thank you for listening.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Or you who are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy app?
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: This podcast is for couples and healthy marriages that want to make it better they have a good relationship.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: They want to make it even better so we just changed that.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: We just got done changing it.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: So if you go back and listen to like a couple ago, you'll hear the old message.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: I changed it to because she had a valid point.
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: I changed it to every couple who just wants to make their marriage better.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: However, I worded it right yeah, and what is healthy?
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: what a healthy marriage could look different for everyone, and that's our whole point.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: So, yes, at the beginning we realized we were like starting our podcast, we're like, okay, we want, like you know, couples in a good marriage that consider themselves heavy, healthy, that just want to spice it up.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: And then we realized, oh, we're not gonna get like into deep, deep, deep.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: No, we're not trauma therapists.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: We're going to talk about the stuff, but we have had a lot of people come on and talk about deeper stuff.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: We have kind of, with the questions and the comments and emails that we have gotten, we have done some episodes that are getting a little, you know, more in depth with stuff going on and so so, yeah, we change that.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: She did bring up a really good, valid point and I think healthy really got us.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: The word healthy got us thinking and like what is healthy.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: And I think for every marriage it looks completely different.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: And I think some people think perfect and perfect isn't what healthy means Like.
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I think we have a healthy marriage and it's far from perfect.
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: Well, and you can have a healthy marriage, and by it's far from perfect, well and, and you can have a healthy marriage and be at rock bottom, and you can have a healthy marriage and be at the top, like your.
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: Your relationship is going to be like a roller coaster and you're going to have ups and downs and different things that you go through.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean when you're going through really hard trials and it's just pulling you and testing you in every way, that doesn't mean your marriage is unhealthy, right, like you can still have a healthy marriage but be going through some big trials and struggles, and so, yeah, it's good that we kind of changed that.
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: I think healthy to me this is just my personal opinion is that you're committed, that you have set boundaries and that you know how to communicate.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: So that doesn't mean that the household split's going to be fair all the time and you've got that all worked out.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that there's going to be this passion and romance all the time and that that's just always there.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: To me, healthy means that, like we just got in a really big argument which is I'm just saying like as an example the fact that we could talk about it, come back and reconnect emotionally and sexually means that we're a healthy couple and we have the tools to be able to move past that right.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: So it's really just having tools that you're like okay, you have the tools and you're utilizing the tools right yeah, because, like you said, it's up, up and down right.
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: If you have the tools, you can bring yourself back up when things get hard yeah, if your marriage is in a tough spot just like fixing a car if you have the tools doesn't do you any good unless you utilize the tools to fix the car.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: So I love what you said.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: If, if you have the tools and you're implementing those tools to help your marriage, that is what a healthy marriage looks like right, that's what I, what I think it is so.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally agree.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: Anyways, yes, our podcast is not just for healthy couples, it's for whatever healthy looks like to you, and you just want to make it better.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: That's what our podcast is for, so we did change that.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: So she brought up a really good point there.
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: Yep, next one.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: Thank you for bringing that up to us.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Yes, and the next one is my husband says he already dated me to get married and that dating now is a waste of time and money.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: What are your thoughts?
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: Her question was kind of more like how do I get him on board to keep dating me?
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Why doesn't he understand that?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Why does he think that he can just date me and then stop?
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: So, first of all, as a husband, I don't know why you wouldn't want to date your spouse Like I mean that's honestly like Friday night is what I look forward to every week is like oh, I mean I get to go out and get to have a good time, whether it's by ourselves or with friends, um, even if it's just for a couple hours, just to just to be with each other and have fun.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: And so I want to just reiterate the word dating.
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: To me, dating really just means pursuing.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: That can look different to everyone.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have a weekly date now on the town spending money to be dating your spouse.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Dating your spouse could be.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: Hey, I just want to be intentional tonight.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Let's cuddle up and find our favorite show and grab some treats and just have some quality time.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Or let's go on a picnic this week and take some food.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: Or let's go lay a blanket down in the backyard and watch the stars and use the conversation starters Like grab our free list of 50 date ideas at home.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: If you're trying to date intentionally, but not go spend money right now, Like, there's tons of ways.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: And if dating isn't important to you, you maybe you don't know what you're missing, because we've talked about this before.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Amy and I were in a time in our marriage where we weren't dating at all and I didn't.
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: We didn't really know what we were missing.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: But then when we started doing it, we're like, oh my heck, our relationship is completely changing and our connection and everything like so.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: So dating might not be important because you don't know what you're missing.
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: But if you just start doing it um, just like you were when you're dating and fell in love, you're going that this one simple thing of dating your spouse would solve so many issues in your marriage.
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: Like, if you have a marriage and that isn't where you want it to be, and we had one piece of advice it it would be go, go, date each other go date each other.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Go have fun with each other.
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: And that would probably fix most people's relationship.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: They forget, we can forget how to have fun together and to have quality time nowadays.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Like we just put dating and each other on the back burner.
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: We always are on our phones.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: We just we're not intentional.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: And each other on the back burner we always are on our phones.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: We just we're not intentional.
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: And I just want to say and I know I said it probably in the previous one but pursuing your spouse is literally what keeps your marriage thriving, and that's going to look different to every single couple, but husbands want to be pursued in their own ways, wives want to be pursued in their own ways.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: Like it's really, really simple to put your marriage on the back burner and that's not gonna make your life happy exactly so get out and start dating each other, and we love getting these questions, even if they're like questions that want to destroy us or rip us apart.
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: Like send us an email, let us know what you think.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: Uh, we're cool, we can handle it, um, so yeah, and we'll share some of these on some of the next podcast episodes as well, too.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, we're gonna do these periodically where we talk about, um, things that you're messaging us about and want to know more about or at least share our thoughts on, and so keep emailing us at amy, at ultimate intimacycom we have um, something we're working on too, and we partnered with a really amazing therapist that we love, and so if there's questions that you're like, this is more of a question I would like for you to have a professional on to talk about.
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: That's okay too, because there's some things that we're like I don't know, I don't know how I would answer that and I, yeah, that's okay, so we're not offended by that either we don don't get offended very easy.
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, message us, and we really appreciate listening to the podcast.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Go check out our great products that we have at shopultimateintimacycom.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: If you're needing to connect as a couple as well, we have a great marriage retreat in 2025.
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: Go check out the video.
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: It is so much fun.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: You would have the time of your life.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Everyone raves at how much they enjoyed it and the food and the lodging and hanging out.
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: It's a great time.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: Let us know how we can help your marriage.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: That's what it's all about.