Latest / Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast / How to Recognize Hidden Emotional Baggage You Didn’t Know You Were Carrying

Transcript

How to Recognize Hidden Emotional Baggage You Didn’t Know You Were Carrying · Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Life Audio.
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  Speaker 2: Today's episode brings a powerful lens to a struggle many
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  Speaker 2: of us don't even realize we have. Emotional hoarding. We
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  Speaker 2: joke about emotional baggage, but most of us are carrying
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  Speaker 2: far more than a suitcase. We're holding closets full of
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  Speaker 2: unprocessed feelings like worry, pain, regret, false guilt, anger, and shame.
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  Speaker 3: Our guest, Moody Publishers Release, offers a gentle, insightful.
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  Speaker 2: biblical way to recognize the emotional clutter weighing us down
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  Speaker 2: and step into the freedom Christ provides. This is a
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  Speaker 2: conversation that will help you name what's been holding you
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  Speaker 2: back and learn how to release it for good. Welcome
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  Speaker 2: back to your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bankson, where
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  Speaker 2: it's always our goal to restore hope, renew minds, and
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  Speaker 2: empower listeners to live in your God-given identity. Thank you
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  Speaker 2: for choosing to spend a few minutes of your week
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  Speaker 2: with us. I don't think you'll find it wasted because
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  Speaker 2: today we're going to be talking about how to recognize
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  Speaker 2: hidden emotional clutter that you don't even know you were carrying.
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  Speaker 2: We will dive into this conversation right after this brief
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  Speaker 2: word from our sponsor. In this episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective,
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  Speaker 2: we're gonna be talking about how to recognize hidden emotional
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  Speaker 2: clutter that you didn't even know you were carrying. Today,
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  Speaker 2: I have the joy of welcoming back Lori Davies, author
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  Speaker 2: of the book, Emotional Hoarding, Letting.
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  Speaker 3: Go of the Stuff That Keeps You Stuck.
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  Speaker 2: Lori has a remarkable gift for putting words to the
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  Speaker 2: emotional clutter so many of us carry. Things like worry, regret, pride,
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  Speaker 2: or bitterness that quietly take up space in our hearts
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  Speaker 2: and interfere with the freedom God desires for us. In
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  Speaker 2: her book, she shines a compassionate, biblically grounded light on
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  Speaker 2: the hidden burdens we tend to collect. She shows us
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  Speaker 2: how scripture invites us to release them. I know you'll
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  Speaker 2: be encouraged by the hope and clarity it brings to
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  Speaker 2: this conversation.
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  Speaker 3: Before we get started, I just want.
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  Speaker 2: To remind you of Psalm 139 verses 23 through 24
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  Speaker 2: that says, Search me, God, and know my heart.
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  Speaker 3: See if there is.
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  Speaker 2: Any offensive way in me and lead me in the
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  Speaker 2: way everlasting. Lori Davies is a writer, national speaker, and
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  Speaker 2: lay counselor who helps women deal with their emotional accumulation,
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  Speaker 2: letting go of things like regret, grudges, false guilt, and shame.
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  Speaker 2: And in her debut book, Emotional Hoarding, Letting Go of
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  Speaker 2: the Stuff That Keeps You Stuck, released by Moody Publishers
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  Speaker 2: in March, 2026. Lori's writing has been featured in Guideposts
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  Speaker 2: and Proverbs 31, verse 5 app.
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  Speaker 3: She also serves as lead.
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  Speaker 2: Editor on Shanti Felden's Atlanta-based ministry staff. She lives in
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  Speaker 2: the Phoenix area with her husband of 30 years and
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  Speaker 2: their adult son.
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  Speaker 3: Is fortunate enough to live by. Lori, welcome back to
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  Speaker 3: the conversation.
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  Speaker 1: Well, thank you so much for having me. This is
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  Speaker 1: a topic that I know is near and dear to
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  Speaker 1: your heart too. So I've been really looking forward to
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  Speaker 1: this conversation. It's my honor to be here.
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  Speaker 3: Frequently.
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  Speaker 2: Our ministries, our books, our resources are birthed out of
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  Speaker 2: our own experiences or needs. We often write the book
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  Speaker 2: that we wish that we could have read. I'd be
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  Speaker 2: curious how this might have been true for you too.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I think when we talk about emotional hoarding,
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  Speaker 1: I think I even mentioned in the book, like it
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  Speaker 1: took me 40 years to kind of figure out whoa,
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  Speaker 1: I'm doing this. I think most of us have a
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  Speaker 1: frame of reference for hoarding. Michelle, you wrote a great
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  Speaker 1: blog about physical hoarding last year. And so whether we've
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  Speaker 1: seen the cable show or we know someone who kind
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  Speaker 1: of has let their stuff get out of control, I
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  Speaker 1: think sometimes in our hearts, we let our emo stuff
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  Speaker 1: get out of control. And sometimes like the verse you
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  Speaker 1: just referenced, we don't always see it. in real time.
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  Speaker 1: We don't always understand the contents of our own hearts.
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  Speaker 1: Jeremiah told us as much, and I love David's beautiful
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  Speaker 1: prayer for the Lord to search our hearts and reveal
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  Speaker 1: to us maybe things that have been kind of lurking
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  Speaker 1: in crawl spaces, or maybe we willfully put them there
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  Speaker 1: because we just think they're too hard to deal with. Or,
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  Speaker 1: One of the things I kind of encountered in the
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  Speaker 1: writing of the book is things like maybe regret, which
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  Speaker 1: you actually helped me a lot with in the book.
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  Speaker 1: You're quoted in the book, and I also relied on
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  Speaker 1: you for quite a bit of background. But things like
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  Speaker 1: regret and shame, sometimes we think it's actually noble in
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  Speaker 1: some way to hold onto those as if that's a
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  Speaker 1: continued form of penance or maybe our regret will remind us, hey,
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to go down that path again, so
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  Speaker 1: I should hold onto this icky feeling because it'll And
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  Speaker 1: that's just not it at all. Like, that's not the
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  Speaker 1: freedom God wants us to walk in.
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  Speaker 3: So, yeah. Let's take a step back.
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  Speaker 2: And for my listeners and viewers who haven't read your
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  Speaker 2: book yet, and we'll put all the information about Lori
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  Speaker 2: and her book in the show notes that you can
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  Speaker 2: find at drmichelleb.com. But Lori, let's take a step back
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  Speaker 2: and talk about what exactly is.
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  Speaker 3: Emotional hoarding and how is it different from... emotional baggage?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a great question. Baggage, as you mentioned,
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  Speaker 1: is something we kind of joke about. We share memes
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  Speaker 1: on social media about it, or we'll talk about she
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  Speaker 1: has a lot of baggage, carrying baggage into a relationship.
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  Speaker 1: I think that in short form can kind of reference
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  Speaker 1: emotional issues that maybe we carry them around. I have
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  Speaker 1: a luggage tag that I put on my carry-on bag
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  Speaker 1: and it says, my emotional baggage won't fit into the
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  Speaker 1: overhead bin. And it always gets a lot of laughs,
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  Speaker 1: but we sort of talk about that in a light
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  Speaker 1: way sometimes. My thesis in the book is that we
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  Speaker 1: don't actually have an emotional baggage problem. We're emotional hoarders.
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  Speaker 1: And so the distinction is physical hoarders of physical belongings
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  Speaker 1: are almost paralyzed to let their belongings go. They almost
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  Speaker 1: don't notice the physical stuff piling up. And so I
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  Speaker 1: think hoarded hearts are very much like hoarded homes. And
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  Speaker 1: we can let emotional kind of skyscrapers build in our hearts.
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  Speaker 1: And just before we know it, we're just kind of
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  Speaker 1: maneuvering our way around with all this clutter, which actually
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  Speaker 1: is a lack of freedom. So I would distinguish baggage
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  Speaker 1: from hoarding in that hoarding is a much more serious
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  Speaker 1: accumulation of emotional stuff. And we are very hesitant to
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  Speaker 1: let it go.
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  Speaker 2: How can someone realize if they're unintentionally collecting emotional clutter
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  Speaker 2: without even realizing it?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I had the luxury in the book of
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  Speaker 1: kind of going emotion by emotion. Michelle, you know, in
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  Speaker 1: real life, it's never that neat and clean. A lot
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  Speaker 1: of these overlap. But I think my eyes were opened
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  Speaker 1: as I looked at, let's take, for example, anger. That
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  Speaker 1: was one of the really hard chapters to write because anger,
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  Speaker 1: as many of your listeners and viewers will know, is
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  Speaker 1: a secondary emotion. So how do we know if we're
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  Speaker 1: hoarding something that's a secondary emotion? That's kind of complicated, right? So,
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  Speaker 1: but with anger, you can kind of tell you're hoarding
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  Speaker 1: anger if that's all you express. In other words, you're
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  Speaker 1: not expressing and you're not in tune with other emotions
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  Speaker 1: that might be driving that anger. You can also tell
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  Speaker 1: you're hoarding some of these things, anger, regret, shame, Worry even,
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  Speaker 1: that's one of the kind of really universal ones that
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  Speaker 1: I covered. If you're, it comes out in our physical bodies.
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  Speaker 1: So a lot of times there's, and there's overlap among these.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of times there's lack of sleep. Your appetite
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  Speaker 1: is wonky one way or the other. You're overeating or
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  Speaker 1: undereating or something's wonky with your appetite or digestion. All
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  Speaker 1: these kinds of emotions that God, he doesn't want us
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  Speaker 1: to haul all of these out to the dumpster. But
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  Speaker 1: I do think he wants us to look at them,
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  Speaker 1: acknowledge them, process them, and see kind of what he's
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  Speaker 1: showing us through them. If we leave all of that
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  Speaker 1: undealt with, it's going to come out in our physical bodies,
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  Speaker 1: in our relationships with others, and most primarily with some
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  Speaker 1: of the really serious ones like bitterness and pride. It's
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  Speaker 1: going to come out in our relationship with God. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And so if we're feeling stress in our physical bodies,
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  Speaker 1: in our spiritual walk with the Lord, in our relationships
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  Speaker 1: with others, that might be a clue that it's time
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  Speaker 1: to kind of get inside there and take a look at, man,
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  Speaker 1: am I holding on to stuff that's keeping me stuck?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: In your book, you cover 10 different emotions that hurt
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  Speaker 2: us if we hoard them. But I'd be really curious,
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  Speaker 2: and I know my listeners would too, what was the
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  Speaker 2: hardest emotion for you to write about and why?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, no doubt it was worthlessness, which is later
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  Speaker 1: in the book. I think it's chapter 10. The why
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  Speaker 1: answer is that's been my core wound. I struggled most
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  Speaker 1: of my life with worthlessness. And the Lord is, I
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  Speaker 1: think it's a continuum, right? Like the Lord is continuing
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  Speaker 1: to set me free from that. But I just, I
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  Speaker 1: knew that chapter belonged in the book and I dreaded
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  Speaker 1: writing it because I knew I was going to have
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  Speaker 1: to get in my own closets and my own emotional floorboards.
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  Speaker 1: So literally I have a friend who has a lake
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  Speaker 1: house in Georgia and she said, come stay in my
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  Speaker 1: house for a week. And I went into just total
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  Speaker 1: isolation for a week and worked it out. with the Lord.
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  Speaker 1: And one of the things he showed me that's just
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  Speaker 1: so beautiful, Psalm 139, you already mentioned, were fearfully and
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  Speaker 1: wonderfully made. And we don't get to change that. The Lord,
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  Speaker 1: it would be like, Michelle, if somebody came to you,
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  Speaker 1: you're highly educated. You have many clinical hours in. It
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  Speaker 1: would be like if someone came to you and said,
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  Speaker 1: I get all of that, but I think I should
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  Speaker 1: pay you $ 5 an hour. I think that's what your
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  Speaker 1: time is worth to me. That would be preposterous. You
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  Speaker 1: would never accept that. You've spent years understanding neuropsychology and
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  Speaker 1: you'd probably be gracious about it, but you'd be like that.
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  Speaker 1: don't get to set my worth. And yet don't we
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  Speaker 1: do that with God? He made a masterpiece and we
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  Speaker 1: tell him, yeah, I think I'm worth five bucks. It's preposterous.
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  Speaker 1: And so I think kind of working through that And
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  Speaker 1: to be vulnerable, I continue to work through that. It
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  Speaker 1: made it a really hard chapter to write. There were
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  Speaker 1: a lot of tears on the floor.
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  Speaker 2: Well, and if there's anything I've learned through all the
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  Speaker 2: books I've written is that we write about things that
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  Speaker 2: the Lord has shown us and grown us in, but
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  Speaker 2: it's never a one and done.
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  Speaker 3: We continue to have to live out our message.
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  Speaker 2: Which means we'll continue to have experiences to put into
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: practice what we've suggested that others do.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and won't the enemy test us on that too?
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  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
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  Speaker 1: All he has is our history. So all he can
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  Speaker 1: come at us with is our past and our pain
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  Speaker 1: points that he knows about. So yeah, there's a lot
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  Speaker 1: of freedom in the words you spoke. I think any
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  Speaker 1: of us who want to put forth that we're 100% healed,
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  Speaker 1: that's crazy. I mean, we'll all be looking at each
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  Speaker 1: other in heaven, 100% healed. And until then, aren't we
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  Speaker 1: glad for the grace of God and the tenderness of
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  Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit?
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  Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: Friends, we're going to take a short break for this
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  Speaker 2: brief word from our sponsor, but I want you to
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  Speaker 2: stick with us to hear Lori share more about how
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  Speaker 2: to recognize hidden emotional clutter you didn't know.
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  Speaker 3: You were carrying. We'll be right back.
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  Speaker 2: The first emotion that you tackle about in the book
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  Speaker 2: is worry. Why did you lead with worry and what
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  Speaker 2: did you learn about it?
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  Speaker 1: That's a great question. Why did I lead with worry?
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  Speaker 1: I led with worry because I think at some level
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  Speaker 1: that's pretty universal. And it also felt sort of like
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  Speaker 1: one we could address quickly. I wanted my readers to
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  Speaker 1: understand that because if you're at a place where you're like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: I might be an emotional hoarder, maybe you even need
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  Speaker 1: an emotional 911. You want to know you can make progress.
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  Speaker 1: And I feel like with worry, that possibility exists. Tell
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  Speaker 1: a funny story at the beginning of the chapter about
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  Speaker 1: my husband and I are tent campers. And one time
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  Speaker 1: we were out at this remote campsite in Arkansas and
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  Speaker 1: I had to get up and go to the bathroom
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  Speaker 1: in the middle of the night. So I had three
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  Speaker 1: pretty terrible options, right? Like go in the woods. That
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  Speaker 1: wasn't going to happen. Hold it all night, which isn't
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  Speaker 1: a terrific option or walk maybe an eighth of a
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  Speaker 1: mile to the camp latrine. And while I was in there,
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  Speaker 1: I could hear the like nails of a critter coming.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm undisposed, situated in stall number one, and this
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  Speaker 1: armadillo sticks its nasty beady eyes, pink fleshy nose, dirty nails.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm staring this thing down and I go, my
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  Speaker 1: screen takes Arkansas to like DEFCON 3 and I'm All
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  Speaker 1: of a sudden I feel this worry just surge. Like
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  Speaker 1: I have myself dying of leprosy, which they do carry leprosy.
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  Speaker 1: When was my last tetanus shot? Is this thing staring
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  Speaker 1: at me while I'm naked? All ridiculous things. And of
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  Speaker 1: course I made it out of the bathroom just fine
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  Speaker 1: and back to the tent just fine. And we usually,
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  Speaker 1: stats are pretty compelling that most of the things we
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  Speaker 1: worry about never materialize or if they do, they're of
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  Speaker 1: far less consequence. than what we're worried about. So I
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  Speaker 1: wanted to tackle worry because I could have a little
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  Speaker 1: fun with it. And because I think we all experience it.
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  Speaker 1: And also because God never promised us a worry-free life. However,
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  Speaker 1: there is a path in his word that will lead
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  Speaker 1: us to a life that's free of worry.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So that was exciting.
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  Speaker 2: I spent an entire book writing about worry, fear, and anxiety.
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  Speaker 1: Yep.
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  Speaker 2: And it is something that we have to come back
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  Speaker 2: to and come back to and come back to because
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  Speaker 2: the enemy knows what those circumstances are that's going to
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  Speaker 2: incite worry. And by the way, in the state of Texas,
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  Speaker 2: our state animal is the armadillo and you're not allowed
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  Speaker 2: to kill them.
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  Speaker 3: So there's that.
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  Speaker 1: Well, it was such a bright moonlit night that I
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  Speaker 1: didn't even take my flashlight to the bathroom with me.
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  Speaker 1: So I had nothing to like beat it off with.
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  Speaker 1: So I guess there was no danger of me causing
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  Speaker 1: harm to an animal. But wow, I didn't know that.
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  Speaker 1: I lived in Texas for seven years. I had no
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  Speaker 1: idea that was the state animal.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: Anyway, more about that some other time. But later in
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  Speaker 3: the book, you tackled pride.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: What was the most surprising thing you discovered about pride?
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  Speaker 1: Oh gosh. Well, pride is another hard one. I don't
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  Speaker 1: think anyone wakes up in the morning, Michelle, and says, wow,
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  Speaker 1: I hope I get a handle on my pride today.
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  Speaker 1: I put it later in the book because I felt
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  Speaker 1: like by then I'd earned the right to maybe poke
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: in that spot a little bit. But I think about pride.
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  Speaker 1: One of the things that I learned is that we
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  Speaker 1: all contend with it and it leads to so many
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  Speaker 1: of the other hard emotions that we can end up hoarding.
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  Speaker 1: And so it's kind of like a gateway. It's not
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  Speaker 1: something that we generally walk through life hoping that God
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  Speaker 1: will break down because what does that require? It requires
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  Speaker 1: something really hard, the way out of pride. And I
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: kind of delve into this a little more in the chapter,
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  Speaker 1: but in short form, the way out of pride is
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  Speaker 1: to beg God to humble us. And That's a scary
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: thing to do. But I think the thing that was
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: cool that I just found so much freedom in is
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  Speaker 1: that God says He gives grace to the humble. Some
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: translations say He gives favor to the humble. So if
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: we really stop and let Him do His work and
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  Speaker 1: let Him do His math in the only way He
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  Speaker 1: can do it, the thing that feels most like subtraction,
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  Speaker 1: humble me, like nobody gives up and prays that, actually
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  Speaker 1: becomes addition. when we trust it into God's hands. I
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  Speaker 1: think that's just a beautiful thing.
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  Speaker 2: It is a beautiful thing that you've discovered. Overall, what
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: finding or truth surprised you the most in researching?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so there's a chapter on bitterness. And I talk
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  Speaker 1: a lot about grudge holding. And that's one of the
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  Speaker 1: that's one of the other things about emotional hoarding that
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: I sort of encountered when I was researching this, we
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  Speaker 1: use the language of accumulation around a lot of these things.
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  Speaker 1: So for example, we hold onto grudges, right? Or we
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: live buried under a mountain of regret. But what surprised
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: me in the bitterness chapter, which is kind of the
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  Speaker 1: grudge holding thing is I looked, I found a researcher
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: has done some work into this and they, On average,
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: each of us, so your listeners right now and your
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: viewers are holding seven grudges. And that shocked me.
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: I'm actually surprised it's that low.
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  Speaker 1: You think it's low?
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, okay. I think some people think it's high. It's
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: not something we want to necessarily tangle with in ourselves. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: But I started counting up a few and man, I was...
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  Speaker 1: I was convicted. I was repentant. And if you're listening
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  Speaker 1: and you think, well, I don't really have any grudges.
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  Speaker 1: The bad news is your husband's probably holding 14 or
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: your sister or your best friend statistically. So I was
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: surprised by that statistic. You being in the world you're in,
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: you probably have had to help people kind of navigate
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: really the damage that grudges do on their lives. So
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: I think you've probably... encountered it in a different way.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that was surprising to me.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: From your perspective, why do you think believers, even those
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: who love God deeply, why do they struggle to let
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: go of emotions like worry, regret, bitterness?
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: We know they're not good. We know they don't even
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: feel good.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, if we go back to bitterness, I
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: think if we're being honest, sometimes we like the way
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: the grudge feels in our hands. It gives us that
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: little feeling of, I'm not going to let them off
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: the hook. I think with other emotions, as I mentioned,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: maybe about shame and regret, sometimes we don't think we
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: should let them go. And I think maybe with worry,
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: I hit fear in the book, which often comes out
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: as control. I think with those, sometimes we just think
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: that's how we are. And what a defeating lie to believe, right?
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: And what a defeating imprint to leave on our children.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: I'm just from a family of warriors. What does that
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: do to our kids when we say that? So I
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: think it can be a variety of reasons. It could
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: be pride. I think sometimes we just, either we think
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: there's something noble about hanging on or in our pride,
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: we don't want to let go. What do you think
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: about that? Let me flip that. I'd love to hear
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: your answer.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: I think part of it is fear.
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: And I think part of it related to fear is we,
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: by our human nature, want to be in control.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: So if we let go of those emotions, we're letting
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: someone off the hook. And then we feel like we're
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: not in control of.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: That situation anymore.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 19:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: Lori, how does scripture address emotional hoarding? And where do
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: you see God inviting us in to release what weighs
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: us down?
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Well, the first scripture that comes to mind is Galatians 5.1, right?
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: It is for freedom that Christ set us free. So
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: why would we go back to wearing a yoke of slavery?
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: So I think freedom is of high value to the Lord.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: It's why he came to set the captives free, to
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: set the prisoners free. And so if that's the whole
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: reason he came... Certainly he wants us to be free
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: in the way we live, in the way we carry
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: out his calling on our lives, and in the way
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: we negotiate things on the inside. He lives in our heart.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: So let's fix it up nice for him. Let's give
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: him room to move and direct us. And if I'm living,
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: holding on tightly to grudges and anger and regret and
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: shame and worthlessness, then my hands aren't open to be
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: able to receive the really good assignments. he wants to
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: send me on. And that's true for every listener in
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: your audience today. So true.
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: Friends, we're going to take a real short break for
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: a brief word from our sponsor, but stick with us
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: because when we come back, as we wrap up the episode,
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: you know, I'm going to ask Lori to share a
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: hope-filled perspective with you about how to recognize these hidden
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: emotional areas of clutter you didn't know you were carrying.
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: We'll be right back.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: Laurie, how can someone begin the process of identifying and
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: naming these emotions that we've stuffed or ignored for years?
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: Well, I think for some of us, it certainly has
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: been true for me. I've been a women's ministry director
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: and I'm a lay counselor and you see clients. You've
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: seen so many clients over the years, probably thousands. I
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: think it takes a lot of courage. I think it
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: takes courage to say, I'm going to aim the spotlight
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: in here and let the Lord... start maybe tearing down
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: some stacks and stockpiles that I've grown very comfortable with
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: in the surroundings of my own heart. So I think
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: courage would be a good first step. And then just
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: being honest. I think we hit a point in our
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: lives where We don't have to put up these pretenses
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: and be Instagram perfect for anyone. The Lord wants our
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: whole heart. He just wants us to be honest with them.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: And so I would say courage and honesty would be
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: good places to start. It can be a fearsome thing
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: to tackle things that we've stuffed for a really long time.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: But I think, I love this question, Michelle, because I
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: think the hope-filled perspective in that is that when we
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: start to face the things that are keeping us stuck,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: we'll taste a freedom that we won't want to turn
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: back from. It is a game changer, a life changer,
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: and we won't want to go back to the chains
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: we once wore. They just won't fit anymore.
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: And thank the Lord for that.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: Do you think it's possible to let go of old
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: regrets without pretending that the past didn't happen?
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Do I think it's possible to let go of old
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: regrets without pretending that? Yeah, I think actually acknowledging that
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: the past did happen is a good. I think that's
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: the thing that drives us to grace. Regret is a
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: tricky one. And you actually provided some great background in
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: this for me. There's a really helpful step-by-step how to...
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: kind of maneuver regret, if regret of inaction is what
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: it's called. But with regret, there's kind of a fork
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: in the road. Did I sin or did I not sin?
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: And so if the answer is yes, I sinned, there's
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: a scriptural passage written by Paul, the one who most
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: needed to be free from regret, that is a direct
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: lifeline away from regret. But man, those regrets of inaction,
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: loved your quote in the book about it's like fighting
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: a ghost. because it's the thing you didn't do. It's
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: the thing that lacks resolution. And I think the way
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: out of those is just realizing grace is sufficient for us.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Grace fills all those gaps where we wish we would
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: have gone left instead of right or done X instead
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: of Z, Y. So yeah, I think looking at a
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: few regrets propped up in the corner is the thing
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: that drives me straight to grace.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because the enemy will use guilt, false guilt and
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: regret to create a cloak of shame. And what I
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: so appreciate about our Heavenly Father is that He says
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: in Scripture, there is therefore now no condemnation for those
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: who are in Christ Jesus. There's no room for shame.
• 23:51
  Speaker 2: There is plenty of room for conviction. And conviction is
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: offered to us as a gift to restore our relationship
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: with God. We don't have to live under the shame.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: He gives us the gift of confession and repentance so
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: that we can close the door on that. And when
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: the enemy comes a knocking again and says, oh, but
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: remember what you did. We go, nope, I've already confessed it.
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: I've repented of it. I have received his forgiveness. And
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: like you started off early in this episode, Lori, it
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: is finished because of Christ's finished work on the cross.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: That's a good word, Michelle. The enemy wants to keep
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: us trapped in the past. And if so, if we
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: feel that's another way, I think we can recognize emotional hoarding.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: If we're constantly living back there, looking through the little
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: rear view mirror instead of through the windshield and moving
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: forward in our lives, that's a real clue that there
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: may be some emotional hoarding going on. In hearing you
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: talk just then, I was thinking about David. He had
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: so many flaws. He engaged in criminal behavior, had a
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: guy murdered, his bad dad. What made him a man
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: after God's own heart? His repentance. was total. And so
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: I think that conviction you're talking about, that's what brings
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: us to the Lord, not pushes us away from him.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: And I'm so grateful that he offers that as a gift.
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: Think about it in terms of being a parent myself.
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: When my kids come to me and they say, I'm
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: really sorry, or whatever, I want to forgive them. I
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: want to restore relationships. So I'm going to forgive. And
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: that if I want to do that as a mom,
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: I just think how much more does God desire for
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: a restored relationship.
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: With his kids?
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful. That's good.
• 25:37
  Speaker 2: Lori, thank you for sharing your wisdom and knowledge in
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: this area. Friends, I hope that today's episode has challenged
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: you to maybe open up the closet of your mind
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: and heart and ask the Holy Spirit, what am I hoarding?
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: What am I holding onto that doesn't serve me well?
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: And how can I let go of that so that
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I can have true freedom in Christ? That's our desire
• 26:01
  Speaker 2: for you out of this episode today. There's so much
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: more that we could have talked about. Lori and I
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: probably could have had a three-hour conversation and still only
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: skimmed the surface. But we'll put all the information about
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: Lori and her book, Emotional Hoarding, in the show notes.
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: So make sure you check it out there. I look
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: forward to being with you again next week for another
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective. And you know, until then,
• 26:24
  Speaker 2: it's always my desire for you that you have a
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: hope-filled week.
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: Your ragged and torn past may be the key to
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: God's future for you. We all endure trials, pain, and
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: hardship in this life. Too often we believe these experiences
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: disqualify us from being useful to God. But the truth is,
• 26:50
  Speaker 4: your past pain and brokenness serve as preparation for what
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: God wants to do in and through you. if you
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: will surrender to and trust him. In Sacred Scars, neuropsychologist
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: and fellow sufferer, Dr. Michelle Bankson helps you understand the
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: suffering from a biblical perspective, discover how the trials of
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: your life serve a purpose, reflect on the healing that
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: God has accomplished, and comfort others with the comfort God
• 27:25
  Speaker 4: has given you. Just as Jesus' scars didn't disappear after
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: his resurrection and confirmed that he was who he said
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: he was and that he did what he said he'd do,
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: our emotional or physical scars tell our story and lend
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: credence to our testimony of God's love and power. If
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: you are ready to turn your past pain into present
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: comfort and future hope, let Dr. Bankson be your compassionate guide.
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: Jill Savage, host of the No More Perfect podcast and
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: author of No More Perfect Marriages, had this to say
• 28:07
  Speaker 4: about sacred scars. While we wish for a pain-free life,
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: the dark seasons are where God invites us into the
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: most growth. In the pages of this book, you will
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: come to understand how God uses pain in powerful ways.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: If you're human, you need this book. Pick up a
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: copy of Sacred Scars wherever books are sold and watch
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: God turn your pain into purpose.
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: Thank you for joining Dr. Bankson for your hope-filled perspective.
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: We hope you were encouraged by her authenticity, vulnerability, and
• 28:48
  Speaker 5: and biblical truths. If you enjoyed today's conversation, why don't
• 28:52
  Speaker 5: you take a moment right now, open up your podcast app,
• 28:55
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• 28:58
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• 29:01
  Speaker 5: with friends, so tell a friend and click share in
• 29:04
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• 29:07
  Speaker 5: share hope with them. If you have a comment, question,
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: or suggest a topic for a future show, reach out
• 29:13
  Speaker 5: to our staff at info at hopeprevails.org. For additional resources
• 29:18
  Speaker 5: and information about Dr. Bankson's books or free downloads, or
• 29:22
  Speaker 5: to contact her to speak at your next event, please
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: visit drmichelleb.com. Until next time, may you have a hope-filled week.
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: I'd like to take just a second to thank the
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio.com, you'll find dozens
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