Latest / Johnjay & Rich On Demand / Why am I like this????
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Doctor Mesh.
- 0:02Speaker 2: Hello up, So I have a segment idea. That's what
- 0:05Speaker 2: I DM do you about? So I thought we could
- 0:07Speaker 2: call it.
- 0:07Speaker 3: Why am I like this?
- 0:08Speaker 1: Okay?
- 0:09Speaker 2: And people could call in and say things that they
- 0:12Speaker 2: either judge themselves about or judge other people about.
- 0:16Speaker 3: So it could be like, you know, why am I
- 0:18Speaker 3: like this?
- 0:19Speaker 2: Why do I not work out when I know it's
- 0:21Speaker 2: better for my health? Or why do I go to
- 0:24Speaker 2: the drive through instead of making a healthy meal? So
- 0:26Speaker 2: the things that maybe you're confused about yourself about or
- 0:31Speaker 2: judge someone else, And then I could give kind of
- 0:33Speaker 2: a general reason for the pattern behind the behavior so
- 0:37Speaker 2: that you could understand yourself.
- 0:39Speaker 1: Better that part of it, because you are a doctor.
- 0:42Speaker 2: For real, I am of psychology.
- 0:45Speaker 1: Oh I got one? Who else?
- 0:47Speaker 3: Gaz?
- 0:48Speaker 4: Did you guys all have one.
- 0:51Speaker 5: Gallant yet?
- 0:53Speaker 6: So help?
- 0:53Speaker 1: Come? Let me give you one.
- 0:54Speaker 7: Speaking of food stuff, like, so all day I can
- 0:57Speaker 7: eat super super healthy like you know, like well balanced protein,
- 1:02Speaker 7: and then sometime at night I will see something sweet
- 1:07Speaker 7: and I want to devour with my entire being. Why
- 1:10Speaker 7: is it that you create sud stuff at night?
- 1:13Speaker 3: That's a super common one.
- 1:15Speaker 2: So when you have super rigid rules throughout the day.
- 1:18Speaker 2: As a human, you're naturally going to want to do
- 1:21Speaker 2: the opposite of that. We only have that rigidity for
- 1:24Speaker 2: so long, so whether that's in a day or over
- 1:27Speaker 2: the course of months or years, eventually, because we are
- 1:30Speaker 2: human or not robots, like, we don't just deal with logic.
- 1:34Speaker 2: We're dealing with emotions, and so it's natural that you're
- 1:37Speaker 2: gonna want to swing the other way. So you want
- 1:40Speaker 2: to have a lot less rules and flexibility and autonomy
- 1:42Speaker 2: throughout the day. So one thing I'd recommend is even
- 1:46Speaker 2: having like planned little moments where.
- 1:49Speaker 3: You nurture yourself.
- 1:50Speaker 2: It could even be something like a cookie, but it
- 1:53Speaker 2: sit down, take a deep breath, get really excited, take
- 1:57Speaker 2: a bike, close your eyes, and have kind of those
- 1:59Speaker 2: planned moments, and then it won't feel like you went
- 2:01Speaker 2: the whole day trying to be so good, so perfect,
- 2:04Speaker 2: following all the rules.
- 2:05Speaker 1: That's good. I like that. I like that.
- 2:08Speaker 5: Okay, so why am I like this? I So I
- 2:12Speaker 5: had nothing really on the schedule, but then I proceeded
- 2:16Speaker 5: to invite my sisters over the Monday of Christmas and
- 2:20Speaker 5: then a girl's brunch the Tuesday of Christmas, and I
- 2:24Speaker 5: made the plans and now I'm stressed about them.
- 2:29Speaker 2: So it definitely sounds like you were looking for connection,
- 2:32Speaker 2: which is great, we all need connection. But then you
- 2:35Speaker 2: over extended yourself. So is this a pattern that you've
- 2:38Speaker 2: done other places or is this just with the holidays?
- 2:42Speaker 5: No, I think I tend to do that every once
- 2:44Speaker 5: in a while, like, for instance, for in it, I
- 2:49Speaker 5: sign up for snack day for the kids, all end
- 2:51Speaker 5: up overdoing it and personalized water bottle and snack bags
- 2:54Speaker 5: for them instead of just putting stuffs in a paper bag.
- 2:57Speaker 2: Yeah, so you really value we know you value you,
- 3:00Speaker 2: you know, beauty and those kinds of things that's important
- 3:02Speaker 2: to you. But it sounds like you also value that
- 3:05Speaker 2: like being over the top and doing all the things,
- 3:07Speaker 2: And because you value that so much, you'll sort of
- 3:10Speaker 2: ignore suppress the parts of you that are like, yeah,
- 3:13Speaker 2: but I actually just don't want to do that. I'm
- 3:15Speaker 2: actually too exhausted to do that. So you kind of
- 3:18Speaker 2: have to acknowledge the feelings that are happening, like, yes,
- 3:20Speaker 2: I really want to do that, but what's my capacity?
- 3:22Speaker 3: And am I going to kind.
- 3:24Speaker 2: Of rob myself of peace and sanity if I agree
- 3:27Speaker 2: to all those things? Because there's nothing more important than
- 3:29Speaker 2: your peace?
- 3:30Speaker 1: Okay, doctor me real quick.
- 3:32Speaker 8: I'll just throw this one out at you and then
- 3:33Speaker 8: we'll take calls and you can help people.
- 3:35Speaker 1: But why am I like this?
- 3:36Speaker 8: When I'm on the treadmill working out, I like to
- 3:38Speaker 8: visualize Rich in the shower lathering himself, upsh and then
- 3:41Speaker 8: manscape in.
- 3:43Speaker 2: Manscape way too much to unpack. Yeah, we don't have
- 3:45Speaker 2: time for that, Okay, all right?
- 3:48Speaker 8: Eight seven seven ninety three seven one four seven? Why
- 3:50Speaker 8: am I like this? We will talk to you next,
- 3:52Speaker 8: judging Rich. Okay, why am.
- 4:00Speaker 1: I like this? We got doctor Mish on the line.
- 4:02Speaker 1: Good morning, doctor, Are you ready?
- 4:04Speaker 3: I am ready? Good morning.
- 4:05Speaker 8: So we just passed people through and they're gonna say
- 4:07Speaker 8: why am I like this? And you're gonna analyze it?
- 4:09Speaker 3: Yeah, ok yeah, let's go.
- 4:10Speaker 8: Let's start off with Ashley. Ashley, good morning.
- 4:14Speaker 1: Go ahead.
- 4:16Speaker 4: So I have a problem with when somebody gets quiet.
- 4:19Speaker 4: I internalize everything, but I also like I overextend myself
- 4:24Speaker 4: trying to make everybody happy.
- 4:26Speaker 1: Why am I?
- 4:27Speaker 4: I feel like I don't care what people think.
- 4:29Speaker 8: You got to say why am I like this? Or
- 4:30Speaker 8: doesn't I say why am I? Dylan tell everyone to
- 4:33Speaker 8: say why am I like this, or it doesn't count.
- 4:35Speaker 1: Okay, it doesn't count.
- 4:36Speaker 3: Right, Why am I like this?
- 4:38Speaker 2: Yeah?
- 4:38Speaker 3: No worries.
- 4:39Speaker 2: The people pleasing tendency, uh is super super common, and
- 4:43Speaker 2: really that is because you really want to have the
- 4:46Speaker 2: energy in the room be good for everybody. But the
- 4:49Speaker 2: problem with that is that you're sacrificing your own So
- 4:52Speaker 2: it's like this initial little moment where it feels better
- 4:55Speaker 2: for you because they feel better, But then moments later
- 4:59Speaker 2: or hours later, when you're replaying it, you realize that
- 5:01Speaker 2: you kind of sacrificed your own feelings in that moment,
- 5:05Speaker 2: so we can't go around making everyone else feel comfortable
- 5:07Speaker 2: at the expense of ourselves. And in that moment it'll
- 5:10Speaker 2: feel like you're doing what's best for both of you,
- 5:12Speaker 2: but it's really hurting you in the end. So you're
- 5:15Speaker 2: doing it because you want to keep the energy and
- 5:16Speaker 2: the piece in the space and make everybody feel good. Yeah.
- 5:21Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it definitely makes sense. My boyfriend tells
- 5:23Speaker 4: me all the time, He's like, you have to stop,
- 5:25Speaker 4: like you're just doing too much and I over do it,
- 5:30Speaker 4: I guess, like trying to do it.
- 5:33Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean you're a nurturer, right, you want
- 5:36Speaker 2: everything to feel good, but you got nurture yourself first, right, Well,
- 5:42Speaker 2: it definitely makes sense.
- 5:43Speaker 3: It makes sense.
- 5:44Speaker 1: That's why you're like that at Thanks for listen.
- 5:46Speaker 9: Let's say, Angela, Hello, Hi, Why am I like this?
- 5:55Speaker 3: So?
- 5:56Speaker 6: I cry really easily when somebody is giving me praise
- 6:01Speaker 6: or like telling me nice things about myself.
- 6:05Speaker 2: Interesting, So not if they're saying mean things, but nice things.
- 6:09Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really true.
- 6:12Speaker 1: I cry when other people get praise.
- 6:17Speaker 7: Out of jealous ze.
- 6:20Speaker 6: Yeah. So like when I'm getting like an annual review
- 6:23Speaker 6: at work, or you know, like at a Christmas party
- 6:27Speaker 6: and my boss is like, I appreciate you. Like, as
- 6:29Speaker 6: soon as I like hear somebody say like I appreciate you,
- 6:33Speaker 6: I like start to cry and I don't know why.
- 6:35Speaker 3: Then they're so stupid.
- 6:38Speaker 2: It's not stupid, right, You're human. Humans have feelings and emotions.
- 6:41Speaker 2: So first of all, just don't don't tell yourself that
- 6:44Speaker 2: because that's that's not true at all. But you have
- 6:46Speaker 2: all those emotions right there at the surface. That's not
- 6:48Speaker 2: a bad thing.
- 6:49Speaker 3: And when your.
- 6:50Speaker 2: Nervous system gets overwhelmed, whether that's because someone's saying something
- 6:53Speaker 2: positive or something negative, it has to release that has
- 6:56Speaker 2: to discharge that energy. So for you that comes through tears.
- 7:00Speaker 2: It could be a lot of other things. It could
- 7:01Speaker 2: be anger for some people, all kinds of ways we
- 7:04Speaker 2: discharge it. But basically, your nervous systems overwhelmed in that moment,
- 7:08Speaker 2: and so that's how it's just getting rid of the energy.
- 7:10Speaker 2: So you could stand up and jump up, down and
- 7:12Speaker 2: shake and get rid of the energy where you could
- 7:13Speaker 2: just let some tears out.
- 7:15Speaker 1: Tell me, could it also be hormones?
- 7:19Speaker 2: I mean, is this just a later thing in life
- 7:21Speaker 2: or has this been always doubt? I've always been like that.
- 7:27Speaker 3: I've always been like this.
- 7:29Speaker 1: Cal and I do commercials for Red Mountains. We'll talk
- 7:31Speaker 1: a lot about mountain.
- 7:36Speaker 7: They'll put some hormones in you.
- 7:41Speaker 2: Maybe not that, but you know, it could be. It's
- 7:44Speaker 2: just I don't think it's a negative thing. It's just
- 7:46Speaker 2: a matter of understanding that you're overwhelmed in that moment.
- 7:49Speaker 3: So you could do a like some deep breathing and
- 7:51Speaker 3: just kind of reset.
- 7:52Speaker 7: Let's try. Let's see if it worked. Angelie, you did
- 7:54Speaker 7: a really great job on the phone just now. Thank you,
- 8:02Speaker 7: thanks for listening.
- 8:04Speaker 1: Thank you. Uh, how do you say your name? Sabra
- 8:09Speaker 1: it's Sabra, sab good morning.
- 8:12Speaker 10: Good morning. So my question is I got diagnosed with
- 8:16Speaker 10: autism last year. Obviously later in life. I'm thirty three
- 8:20Speaker 10: years old, but I have a huge problem with talking
- 8:25Speaker 10: over people, whether this is at home, at work, or
- 8:28Speaker 10: to my kids, literally everywhere. I'm trying to figure out,
- 8:33Speaker 10: like why I do this? Why am I like this?
- 8:37Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's that sounds like you're just really excited
- 8:40Speaker 2: and so you can't wait and have the patience to
- 8:43Speaker 2: wait for someone to finish. So what you're gonna have
- 8:45Speaker 2: to realize first is have awareness of when you want
- 8:47Speaker 2: to talk and are you aware of it and just
- 8:49Speaker 2: can't stop it or are you not even noticing any.
- 8:52Speaker 10: Like this is no, I notice I do it, and
- 8:55Speaker 10: it's something that I've been like trying to work on,
- 8:58Speaker 10: but it's like and I instantly do it, and so
- 9:02Speaker 10: it's like, but I do, I do notice it, and
- 9:04Speaker 10: it drives me insane.
- 9:07Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say that I would just work on
- 9:09Speaker 2: your sort of urgency and speed in life everywhere else,
- 9:12Speaker 2: not necessarily in that moment, because obviously if you could
- 9:14Speaker 2: slow it down right then and there, you would be.
- 9:16Speaker 2: But maybe there's times other times of the day where
- 9:19Speaker 2: you can put in those pauses, So have that an
- 9:21Speaker 2: alarm on your phone and just pause and take a
- 9:24Speaker 2: deep breath.
- 9:24Speaker 3: Or when you are in the.
- 9:25Speaker 2: Middle of something that's not quite as engaging as a conversation,
- 9:29Speaker 2: can you pause and breathe and challenge yourself in other
- 9:32Speaker 2: places before you put it right there in the most
- 9:34Speaker 2: challenging place, which is during conversation.
- 9:36Speaker 8: Okay, I'd say, brout what happened? You're thirty three years old,
- 9:39Speaker 8: what made you go to wherever you went to get diagnosed?
- 9:41Speaker 1: And what we're like?
- 9:42Speaker 8: What made them say you have autism?
- 9:46Speaker 10: Well, both of my kids have autism, and learning about autism,
- 9:51Speaker 10: I found out most of it not all the time,
- 9:53Speaker 10: but a lot of times. It is hereditary and I
- 9:57Speaker 10: have a lot of the same symptoms kids do. So
- 10:01Speaker 10: that is why I actually went and got tested.
- 10:07Speaker 4: I'm sorry.
- 10:11Speaker 10: So like my food cannot touch at all, Like I
- 10:15Speaker 10: literally have to use like a kid's plate. If they touch,
- 10:19Speaker 10: I won't eat it. I have really like I have
- 10:21Speaker 10: sensory issues with different like for instance, if it's not
- 10:27Speaker 10: like a microfiber, I cannot touch. Different types of clothing
- 10:31Speaker 10: I won't wear. My kids are the same way, I
- 10:34Speaker 10: have extreme like sensory overload, so like if lights are
- 10:39Speaker 10: too bright, sounds are too loud, stuff like that. So
- 10:44Speaker 10: it's like we don't have identical symptoms, but like one
- 10:49Speaker 10: of my sons is a level two. I'm also level
- 10:53Speaker 10: two and my younger son is level one, So there's
- 10:56Speaker 10: like a broad spectrum when it comes to autism.
- 11:00Speaker 1: For sharing that with us, have a wonderful day.
- 11:02Speaker 10: Absolutely for having me on you got it?
- 11:05Speaker 1: Uh doctor me, She's pretty good. You're pretty good, doctor
- 11:07Speaker 1: mesh Chase.
- 11:09Speaker 2: That happy to help out. And then if anybody wants
- 11:13Speaker 2: to kind of understand themselves better, have a free assessment
- 11:15Speaker 2: they can take and they'll just tell them kind of
- 11:17Speaker 2: what needs are being unmet so they can understand where
- 11:20Speaker 2: they could, you know, help themselves a little bit better.
- 11:23Speaker 1: How do we find that?
- 11:24Speaker 2: Yeah, so you could just head to any of my socials.
- 11:27Speaker 2: I'm cornhole niche. So that's come on here about.
- 11:32Speaker 8: You know what, I was just talking to somebody yesterday.
- 11:34Speaker 8: I knew that was you. I was you put the
- 11:36Speaker 8: cornhole tournaments on ESPN.
- 11:37Speaker 3: Right, Yes, you have silent reporting and commentating.
- 11:40Speaker 1: Yes, get this, get this.
- 11:43Speaker 8: I am interviewing the president of Phoenix Raceway. Natasha, she's amazing.
- 11:50Speaker 8: She's I'm interviewing her on the highly successful John J.
- 11:52Speaker 8: Vannis podcast and we're talking about COVID and she's talking
- 11:56Speaker 8: about her she's a sports family. Her parents, her care
- 11:59Speaker 8: husband or kids are all about sports. And during COVID,
- 12:01Speaker 8: this is this happened yesterday during COVID, She's like, we
- 12:05Speaker 8: were thirsty for sports. She goes, we started getting in
- 12:08Speaker 8: a corn hoole watching cornhole on TV. I go, I
- 12:12Speaker 8: know the lady that put that on. She would call
- 12:16Speaker 8: it all the time. ESPN Cornal tournament. That's you, right, doctor.
- 12:19Speaker 3: Mesh, that's me. That's me. In fact, I'll be in
- 12:22Speaker 3: Mesa this summer. I can come see you guys. We're
- 12:24Speaker 3: doing a tournament there right on.
- 12:25Speaker 1: So you could like do this live in the studio and.
- 12:27Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, totally.
- 12:29Speaker 1: You need a whole hour to break down what's wrong
- 12:30Speaker 1: with John Jay? And we were ques.
- 12:32Speaker 3: More than an hour, Yeah, no more than an hour.
- 12:34Speaker 1: So I interrupted you what was your website or what's
- 12:36Speaker 1: your socials? Cornhole?
- 12:37Speaker 3: Yes, cornhole? Cornhole?
- 12:38Speaker 4: Me so cornhole?
- 12:39Speaker 3: And then m E E.
- 12:41Speaker 2: S H and that you can hop on your Instagram
- 12:43Speaker 2: or TikTok or whatever. And then if you look got
- 12:45Speaker 2: to the bio, there's a link there and it's just
- 12:46Speaker 2: a free assessment and that should help you kind of
- 12:49Speaker 2: understand what's going on.
- 12:50Speaker 1: Corn.
- 12:51Speaker 8: You know what, I actually self diagnosed myself with something.
- 12:55Speaker 8: I camebo with a new term last night and I
- 12:57Speaker 8: literally think I made this up. Let me tell you why. So,
- 13:00Speaker 8: my wife's sister had open heart surgery yesterday and Blake
- 13:04Speaker 8: was in the hospital and after the surgery was done,
- 13:07Speaker 8: it was eight hours successful.
- 13:08Speaker 1: She's doing great, and my wife wanted to see her.
- 13:11Speaker 8: So she walks in and sees her sister with tubes
- 13:14Speaker 8: in her just walks out of the room and tells everybody,
- 13:19Speaker 8: you guys should wait, don't go in there until the
- 13:21Speaker 8: tubes are out.
- 13:21Speaker 1: Whatever.
- 13:22Speaker 8: She gets in the car and she calls me and
- 13:24Speaker 8: she just breaks out crying, like the worst cry ever, right,
- 13:29Speaker 8: And as a husband, you hate that with him. She's
- 13:31Speaker 8: crying and she's in a parking structure. She can't handle it,
- 13:33Speaker 8: she can't. And I'm like, I'm like, she's alive, like
- 13:36Speaker 8: she's doing great, Like you know, in my head, I'm like,
- 13:38Speaker 8: suck it up, right.
- 13:39Speaker 1: So no, no, I'm telling you what is going on head.
- 13:41Speaker 8: So I'm like, I'm like, so then she I sit
- 13:44Speaker 8: there and I think, God, I wonder, like, how do
- 13:47Speaker 8: I not ever feel that way?
- 13:49Speaker 1: Right? Like?
- 13:50Speaker 8: My wife is such an impath. Like if she listens
- 13:52Speaker 8: to it, she'll go She'll do Christmas wish for us,
- 13:54Speaker 8: hear it, cry, listen to it on the radio the
- 13:56Speaker 8: next day and cry and cry and cry and cry cry. Right,
- 13:59Speaker 8: She'll watch a TV show and cry like all the time.
- 14:02Speaker 8: So she's an EmPATH. She feels with people. So I'm like,
- 14:06Speaker 8: I don't feel like that. And I remember one time
- 14:08Speaker 8: I was dating a girl when my first girlfriend and
- 14:10Speaker 8: we broke up, and you know, she cried. I remember
- 14:12Speaker 8: my friend Dave cried when he broke up his girlfriend,
- 14:14Speaker 8: and I remember I tried to cry and I wouldn't cry.
- 14:17Speaker 8: And then I remember telling him he was what happened
- 14:18Speaker 8: to you, Stephanie? We broke up, I cried, but I
- 14:21Speaker 8: didn't really cry. Come I needn't cry. Right, So here's
- 14:25Speaker 8: the term. I came up with myself dead inside empathological liar. Okay,
- 14:33Speaker 8: I am impathological liar. I thought it was last night.
- 14:42Speaker 1: We needed two hours. Take that two hours.
- 14:46Speaker 2: I mean it could catch on, it could catch on.
- 14:48Speaker 3: We don't know.
- 14:48Speaker 8: Take that term I'm someone tells that to you, like I,
- 14:51Speaker 8: I fake my sadness, empathological.
- 14:54Speaker 11: We're going to have people like in situations who are
- 14:56Speaker 11: like and there's a lot of people that just don't
- 14:58Speaker 11: cry very much. That's fine, You're gonna be like, ignore me,
- 15:01Speaker 11: I'm gonna pathological.
- 15:04Speaker 7: I feel like the most of the show over the
- 15:06Speaker 7: last twenty years has been Kyle and I trying to
- 15:10Speaker 7: share John Jay what it's like to be human.
- 15:14Speaker 3: Dor Tandler Tandler from Friends.
- 15:16Speaker 2: Remember Chandler couldn't cry the whole episode on that It's okay,
- 15:19Speaker 2: You're not alone.
- 15:20Speaker 1: So he was an empathological liar.
- 15:22Speaker 3: Yes, by the way, just doesn't cry.
- 15:25Speaker 8: We just got a text that says, you sound like
- 15:26Speaker 8: your AI. You're not real.
- 15:31Speaker 2: That's crazy because my entire like framework is being humans.
- 15:35Speaker 3: So that's that's that's crazy.
- 15:37Speaker 7: Tom more human.
- 15:39Speaker 1: I'm gonna shave my Instagram handle to pathological.
- 15:41Speaker 9: Liars, gonna be lovely. Everyone's yeah, but it's good, right,
- 15:45Speaker 9: that's a good term. Everything a mouthful, All right, thank you,
- 15:49Speaker 9: doctor Mishell. Well let's talk to you in twenty twenty six,
- 15:52Speaker 9: or when you're here in March, you come in the studio.
- 15:53Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it'll only be summer. I think it's July,
- 15:55Speaker 3: but yeah, I'll let you guys know.
- 15:57Speaker 1: We'll be here.
- 15:58Speaker 3: Yeah.
- 15:59Speaker 1: We just in a five year deal. We're here for
- 16:01Speaker 1: a while. Okay, good to know, right doctor. We shall
- 16:03Speaker 1: have a great day, Happy holidays you too.
- 16:05Speaker 3: Bye.