Latest / Come Back to Love: / Come Back To Love August 06, 2026 Life's Too Short for Maybe: The Decisions That Change Everything with Jan Janzen

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Come Back To Love August 06, 2026 Life's Too Short for Maybe: The Decisions That Change Everything with Jan Janzen · Come Back to Love:

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to come Back to Love with your host, Robin Vogel.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Each week at this same time, come Back to Love
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: covers an endless array of topics related to relationships, love
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and intimacy, along with all the reasons you may be
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: keeping love at a distance. Can a shattered heart be
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: your doorway to your greatest love story? Robin will give
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: you practical tools that can be used to heal the
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: past and help you to safely love again. And now
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Today's come back to Love.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: In a world that often feels disconnected, uncertain, and overwhelming,
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  Speaker 2: there has never been a more important time to come
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: back to love. I'm Robin Vogel, psychotherapist, relationship expert, love
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  Speaker 2: an intimacy coach, and author of come Back to Love,
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: a Path to Healing. For over twenty years, I've been
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: sitting with people in their most tender, courageous moments, the heartbreaks,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: the longing, the walls they've built around their hearts, and
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: the quiet hope that real love is still possible. To
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: share with you that it is. This show is a sanctuary,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: a place to heal the past, reconnect with yourself, and
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: fall in love again with your life, with others and
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: most importantly with yourself. Welcome to come Back to Love.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: We are on kme e T, your ABC News radio affiliate.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Come Back to Love airs in southern California on fourteen
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: ninety AM and ninety eight point one FM every Thursday
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: at one thirty pm Pacific four thirty pm Eastern time.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: After that, you can listen on any and all of
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: your favorite podcast platforms. I'm really excited today to have
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: a special guest, Jan Jansen. I hope I'm saying that correctly.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: You are, and we are going to talk about Ooh,
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: I like this, life's too short for maybe, the decisions
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: that change everything. Jan is an author, a multiple book
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: author I can see, entrepreneur, minister, and unapologetic truth teller
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: who isn't afraid to say what most people are thinking. Oh,
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  Speaker 2: we're going to get along really well. Her work explores freedom,
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  Speaker 2: personal truth, grief, reinvention, and the courage to stop living
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: someone else's script. Through her books, workshops, and conversations, Jan
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: challenges women to trust themselves, stop settling for maybe, and
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  Speaker 2: fully embrace the life they came here to live. Oh
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  Speaker 2: my gosh, I am so happy to be with you.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, excited to be here to you, Robin Good.
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  Speaker 2: This is definitely a very hot topic for me and
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  Speaker 2: for our listeners. So welcome to our listeners, Thank you
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: for being here, Thank you for coming back again again.
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  Speaker 2: We're here every Thursday afternoon. Jan I would love to hear,
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  Speaker 2: and I always love to start with like what in
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: your life brought you in a personal way, if you
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: feel comfortable sharing to doing this work, especially about this
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: decision in decision and coming out of them maybe and
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: into the self. I would say, yeah.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: There's there's been two. I would say really phenomenal decisions
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  Speaker 3: that I that well, Yeah, life changing things that happened
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  Speaker 3: to me. One is I had spent thirty eight years
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: in a very high control religion and I chose to
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: leave with my first husband. It was huge because all
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: of a sudden, I didn't have this. I had no friends,
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  Speaker 3: I had no foundation, I had no family, and then
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: eight months later my husband of eighteen years said I
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: don't want to be married to anymore. So that was
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: that was tough and I really had to stand on
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: my own two feet and figure out my life find
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: them first, right, Yeah, it was. It was probably one
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: of the more challenging things that I had gone through.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: And then I got my feet, did well, traveled the world,
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: had a great time and with my second husband. He
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: ended up getting diagnosed with squimus cell carcinoma back in
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: twenty twenty and passed away in twenty twenty two. And
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: watching someone that you love die is probably one of
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: the hardest things that I've ever had to go through.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: And so watching Greg, you know, laying there knowing he
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: was not going to recover, he was going to pass away.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: You come back to what am I doing with my life?
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: And that whole thing about no regrets, I think is
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: super important. And you do not create the life you
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: want by staying in maybe and being indecisive. You creat
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: the life you want because you stand up, you decide
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  Speaker 3: what you want to do, and then you just go
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  Speaker 3: do it. And I think people have always said, man,
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: you've done so much, jan You've you've changed careers, You've
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: done this, you've done that. How do you do it?
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  Speaker 3: I decide, and I decide quickly, and then I take action,
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  Speaker 3: and then I make another decision, and another decision and
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  Speaker 3: another decision. That is called life living life.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, it's funny. Using similar language. I always talk
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: about how life is just a series of micro choices
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: like one after the next after the next, and our
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: choices create our reality and it creates our life. It's
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: you had some pretty really significant things happen in your
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: life that, especially starting out early. I don't know how
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: early that structured religion.
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  Speaker 3: I was born into it.
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: You're born into it, Okay, So you landed in a
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say, a tight container that had a
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: lot of control, and so what an interesting journey to
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: then really teach yourself to say no and to say yes.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm guessing and I'd love to hear if you
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: have anything to add to this, like when were you
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: in the maybe and what was it like for you,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: because I just want to say, like, I've worked with
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: a lot of couples over the last twenty years and
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: that place of maybe is pretty much why they come
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: to work to seek help. Well, they're stuck in then maybe,
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: or one of them is stuck in it maybe, and
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  Speaker 2: it's so painful.
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  Speaker 3: It is painful. People think that it's this safe oasis.
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  Speaker 3: I won't decide, I won't make up my mind, and
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: then I'll be safe because nothing bad can happen because
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: if I don't decide, then nothing's going to happen. And
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: what people don't realize is that by I always say,
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: indecision is a decision, it's a decision to stay stuck.
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: So when you think about it that way, by being
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: in that place of maybe you are deciding and it
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: isn't looking good, let me tell you it never really
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: works out because our life is based on decisions. And
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: people will say, well, I want clarity, and so I'm
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: waiting for I don't know, they're waiting for a letter
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: from God, something in the mail, you know, a Facebook
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  Speaker 3: post it says this is for you, this is what.
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  Speaker 2: You need to do.
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  Speaker 3: And so what happens is that they wait and they
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: wait and it doesn't happen. That never shows up, and
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: then all of a sudden life is over. And that's
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: when you you know, when you watch someone on their deathbed,
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: it isn't pretty, tell you, and you really do come
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: to terms with the fact that all of us are
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: going to be there at some point in time. Do
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: you want to be there with regrets or do you
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  Speaker 3: want to be there going Holy moly, that was a ride.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: And I love hundred Thompson's quote when he says, you
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: know I'm going out like WHOA, what a ride? And
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: that's how I feel, thoroughly used up, worn out, completely
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: exhausted from having lived a full on life and I.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Have Wow, Yeah, I'm with you. I have watched I
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: watched a partner die when I was in my early forties,
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: so I totally understand the poignancy of that experience. I
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: also experienced but didn't watch, although maybe that might not
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: be totally true. Each of my parents passed away pretty young,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: and I think certainly it's contributed to my own like
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: intense ambition and inspiration to live like as full a
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: life as possible. I do sometimes have to slow down
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: a little bit because I know my life is going
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: to be really long. I just know that. But you know,
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: somewhere underneath is like life can be short, just like
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: what you said, and we're hanging around in the maybe
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: is is challenging and uncomfortable. So I just want to
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: pause here for a moment because I want to invite
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  Speaker 2: our listeners in this moment to consider if there's a
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  Speaker 2: place in their lives that they are hanging out in
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  Speaker 2: a maybe. And you know, I say, like, when it's
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: not a full on yes, you're you're kind of in
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: a maybe. You know, some people will say right like, yeah, yeah,
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: my work is good, Yeah, the relationships it's good. It's like,
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: is that a maybe actually or is that like a
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: full on this is awesome? I am a yes, And
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: so I'm just inventing our listeners to just contemplate that
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: for themselves. You know, I know you mostly work with women,
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: I think from your your bio, but just everybody who's listening, like,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: where are you in a place that you're maybe and
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: tolerating the maybe exactly? Yeah?
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: I say. My next book is called hell Yes Life.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: It's written, it just hasn't been published, and it's either
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: it's a hell yes or hell no. There's no hell maybe.
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  Speaker 2: Totally so you want to say that word on the radio.
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  Speaker 3: But yes, that's so. The thing is is that we
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: are we are constantly having to make decisions, and the
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: problem is is that no one's ever really taught us
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  Speaker 3: how to make decisions. No one's given us any priorities
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  Speaker 3: on how to make decisions. And I realized that really
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: there's very few books even on decision making, very few books.
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  Speaker 3: The one that I have read a lot of was
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: by Raymond Charles Barker and that's like seventy five years old.
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  Speaker 3: It's an old book, and that's the only book I've
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  Speaker 3: really found that really explained decision making. And I thought, okay,
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  Speaker 3: So if I was to say life's too short for
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: maybe how you know, how can I help people to
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: make decisions? Because it's not something we talk about. People
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: assume you can make decisions. And so, you know, one
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  Speaker 3: of the one of the tools that I bring back
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  Speaker 3: people back to, especially I think because of what happened
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: with my husband, my second husband, is what's your one thing? Like,
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  Speaker 3: what's your priority right now? And it doesn't mean that
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: has to be your priority in twenty five minutes, but
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: what's your what is your one thing? Where where are
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: you focused on right now? Because we can't be scattered
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: all over the map. It's that doesn't work. So what
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: is your one thing now? And so, for example, one
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  Speaker 3: of my biggest things is fun. I want to have fun.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: So I base a lot of my decisions on will
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: this be fun? And if it's not fun, the answer
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: is pretty much no. I mean, short of I having
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: to go to the dentist, which I have to do,
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: it's it's it's pretty much. Other than that, it's a no,
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: and people do I don't realize, well, what's important to you?
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: And they'll kind of look at you like, oh, I
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: don't know, they haven't thought about it. And I think
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: that's a really important place to start, Robin, because if
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: we don't know what's important to us, how can we
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: make decisions and how can we prioritize anything. If you
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: don't have a clue what means the world to you,
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: then you're going to have a hard time making decisions.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: So get clear on your one thing.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. I mean a long
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: time ago, I also had, like I realized, I had
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: two guide posts for myself. I think i'd have to
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: check in now at sixty whether you know they're still
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: my guidepost, but I think so. And they were healing
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: and fun, And if whatever it was I was choosing
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: or doing or being invited into, I would look through
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: the lens of is it healing and is it fun?
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: And you know, I'm sure there's more than that, but
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: at least in a simplistic way, that's what I would use,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: as you know, again, a decision making point to make
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: a decision with. And I feel lucky in being able
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: to identify that. Yes, I wonder about people who aren't
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: able to identify, like what what brings the joy I guess,
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: or what their values are or what I'd love to hear.
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: What you have to say about that?
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, and you're in You're right, because our society
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: doesn't often talk about that other cultures. I spent nine
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: years traveling the world, and I've been to fifty countries,
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: so I have, and I've lived in a lot of countries.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: Like I spent years living in Ecuador as a missionary.
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: I've lived in countries. I don't just go and hang
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: out at a hotel and for two weeks and think
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: it was great. I saw, I saw Guatemala. I lived
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: in Guatemala for seven months, So I those are the
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: kinds of experiences that I've had. And I think when
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: you're I always say to people, Okay, you're on your
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: deathbed right now, you're laying there, like, envision yourself. You've
• 13:02
  Speaker 3: got days, maybe hours to live. What are you going
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: to be thinking that you wished you did? And I
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: remember being interviewed by Forbes Riley and she said to
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: me one day, and she's had a very successful career
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: in pitching on home shopping channels and things like that,
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: and she said, you know, I don't think I've ever
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: met anyone like you. She said, like, how come you're
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: so happy? Like you've been through a lot and yet
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: you're happy. And that really has come from being in
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: touch with what's important to me. So fun and freedom
• 13:38
  Speaker 3: are my two biggest.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 3: If it's going to tie me down and I'm not
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: going to feel free, then I'm not interested in doing it.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: If it's not fun, I'm not interested in doing it.
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: And then you know, there's three other ones, but those
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: are those are the two ones that are at the front.
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: They really are. Is people don't have that level of clarity.
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: And that's the other thing is people will assume, well,
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: someday the clouds are going to part and some voice
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: is going to come down and say do this, my child.
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: It doesn't work that way. It really doesn't. And because
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: people don't have the clarity, they don't can't make the decision.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: The clarity does not come before the decision. The clarity
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: comes after you make a decision, and you don't have
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: to make a big decision, make a little decision, and
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: then make another little decision and then another one.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. I think if you
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: sit around waiting for those guideposts, they're not necessarily going
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: to show up. Like I said, I feel lucky that
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: I was able to identify that at whenever I did,
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: which was like thirty years ago. So I guess what
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: You're inviting people and correct me if I'm wrong. To
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: just make a decision, like don't wait for the perfect
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: moment like you said, or you know that letter in
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: the mail from God or the clouds to part or
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: seized a part. Just make a choice and then and
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: then live into it and see how it feels exactly right.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: And I think is that it's not forever. You're not
• 15:13
  Speaker 3: signing a lifelong contract. You're making a decision. You can
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: change your mind. I give you full permission to change
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: your mind. Sometimes I'll do something for five minutes and
• 15:23
  Speaker 3: I go, oh, I don't like that. I'm not doing that.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: Decide done, I move on. Sometimes I'll stay with something
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: for a week or a month, or a year or
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: two years. That's another thing. I've had a number of
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: different business and stuff because once I've got what I
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: needed out of it, I move on and I decide
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: that I want something different.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: And so I have been a.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: Serial entrepreneur for now. Well I bought a franchise at
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: nineteen and I'm going to be sixty five in a
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: couple of months. So you know, I've done a lot
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: of different things. I've lived all over I've lived all
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: over the world, you know, because I didn't know. I
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: didn't know where I wanted to live. And then people said,
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: you could have lived anywhere, and you live where I
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: ended up living. And it was like, yeah, because I
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: knew then my priorities. I knew my one thing all
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: I wanted was all we wanted after traveling the world
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: was quiet and peace and not to hear anybody because
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: the world's really noisy. And we ended up buying twenty
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: acres of property where I could literally hear bird's wings
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: flapping in the sky.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: That was my priority, was in that moment and that
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: season of my life. It was we wanted quiet and
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: we didn't want to see anybody, have to talk to anybody.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: I didn't want to hear a horn beeping, I didn't
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: want to hear traffic. I didn't want to hear anything.
• 16:35
  Speaker 3: It was quiet. And then after my husband passed, I thought, gee,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: this is kind of lonely up here. I'd like to
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: really have someone in my life to talk to you.
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: I'd like to hear some noise. And so after thus summer,
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: I sold the house and I moved into a community
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: where I know all my neighbors. I can walk down
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: the street, I know my neighbors. I'm not on the
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: welcoming committee. I have aerobics and this and that going
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: to Yeah, it's it's a totally different world. Why because
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: the decision changed, Because the circumstance has changed. And I
• 17:08
  Speaker 3: think that's a big thing, Robin. If you make a decision,
• 17:12
  Speaker 3: this is not a lifelong contract. You can change your mind.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: You have full permission to say, Okay, that didn't work,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: or you know, I've decided to do something different. People
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: freak out about that. They go, Man, you change your
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: mind a lot. I go, yeah, I know.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: I'm really good at it.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's funny. I hope the listeners are getting a
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: lot out of this because it's such a rich conversation.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: Just want to remind everybody. We're on km e T
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: radio and ABC News affiliate station, and we are live
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: on Thursdays at one thirty pm Pacific for thirty pm Eastern,
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: and we're here today with Jan Janssen talking about a
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: really important topic, which is, you know, life is short,
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: and it's too short to stay in the maybe, and
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: it's important to step forward and make a choice and
• 18:01
  Speaker 2: see how that feels and make another but basically not
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: stay stuck, you know. And really all these choices create
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: our reality, create our lives. And you know, when I
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: kind of got that in my mind that all of
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: my choices are actually creating my life, it really opened
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: up a lot of awareness, like every single thing, right
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: from what I put in my body with food, to
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: whether I exercise or not, to whether I choose to
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: go on a you know, social whatever gathering or not.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: I mean every single thing of course related to my
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: business and my work and really every.
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: We are so we are so blessed in this part
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: of the world where you're you know, we live in
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: North America here because we have so much freedom, we
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: have so many much choice. We can decide make decisions
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: that for a lot of people in other parts of
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: the world, they didn't, they don't get to make right.
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: And I think that we oftentimes undervalue that privilege and
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: that right that we do have too in the freedom
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: we have to make those decisions. And I think that's
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: one of the other reasons that I wrote the books
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: is because each one of them supports something. So for example,
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: Life's Too Short for Maybe supports an amazing project called Bionics,
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: which is believe it or not, I Care. It's a
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: program out of the US to help kids who are
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: struggling suicide. The woman who has founded it, she was
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: there as a school counselor after the Columbine tragedy, and
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: so you know, part of the proceeds of that book
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: go to you know, go to actually that's Coping with
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: Brief and Loss and My Devil with a briefcase book.
• 19:45
  Speaker 3: It helps support girls matter. I'm on the board for
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: a project that we put girls through school in Uganda,
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: and so the people aren't aware that today thirty odd
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: thousand little girls got married. Yeah, some as young as ten.
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: So if we can keep kids off in school and
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: not being married off, that's a massive project. So it's
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: having again that philanthropic side to my work, because that's
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: again a decision I've made. I'm not working just to
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: put a roof over my head or food on my table.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: Having seen what I've seen in nine years of traveling,
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: mostly in underdeveloped countries, there's such a huge need, and
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: we can think I can't do I can't do anything
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: about that. That's too far away, it's not my problem, whatever.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: But when we decide to make a difference.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: We can Wow, that's so beautiful and really moved. Thank you.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: Can you say the names of your books again so
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: that our listeners can really hear them, assuming they're available
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: on Amazon, but if they.
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: Are all available, they are all available on Amazon. So
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: devil with a briefcase, stop winging it, start winning. This
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: is a book that with excellent decisions. It's not called chapters.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: There's one hundred and one decisions in the book, all
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: on business. You can just open up the book and
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: whatever your land. I think that's what you need. Life's
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: too short for maybe. Stop overthinking, start deciding, and really,
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: when you think about it, it is too short for maybe.
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: And the more decisions you can make, the better and
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: the faster and the easier. And that's why I want
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: to help people do that. And then the book The
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: Coping with Grief and Loss, what grief really feels like
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: and what no one tells you. I wrote the book
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: Robin that I wish I had about grief. I wish
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: that someone had given me this book. And it's again.
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: Those last two books are short, they're easy to read,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: and they are really intended to give you the tools.
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: I don't hold anything back, and I am very honest
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: about what I went through. And when people don't understand
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: and I certainly didn't understand, is that when you grieving,
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: your frontal cortex is affected, which is where you make decisions.
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: So no wonder it even exacerbates the situation worse because
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: now your ability to make decisions is just so challenging.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really really important thing to name. I mean,
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: people say, you know, don't make any big decisions in
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: the first year after a loss. And although people say it,
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I don't think it's like at the forefront and I've
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: seen people make lots of decisions during that time period.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: And Okay, we all have to live our lives and
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: learn our lessons, but it's really important to note. What
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: you said is that the prefrontal cortex is impacted and
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: it's hard to think straight when you're really grieving.
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: It is, And the problem is is that I didn't
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: know I was grieving. I didn't know I was grieving.
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: And you know, for a long time, I thought I
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: was fine. I knew he was going to die. It
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: wasn't like he went to go to the grocery store
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: and got hit by a cement truck. Didn't happen that way.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: It was a long it was a prolonged illness, and
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: so when it came, when it happened, I was kind
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: of surprised, like, Wow, I thought I was over this.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I thought I was through this. I didn't think this
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: was going to happen to me. And I really wish
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: that someone had taken the time and thought to talk
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: to me about it, because it would have made it
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: a lot easier. And I and it would have, certainly,
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: it would have. Yeah, it would have made it just
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: a lot easier. And I don't want anybody to go
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: through what I went through. There was days I couldn't breathe.
• 23:33
  Speaker 3: I just thought I could not breathe. I couldn't wash
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: my hair, I couldn't even have a shower because I
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: couldn't stand water coming over my you know, over my face.
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, that's that's pretty sadite.
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: Honestly, I totally understand completely. Yes, my experience was different,
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: but I totally understand.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: Yes, you know, in.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Those moments of not being able to get out of
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: bed or you know, I remember a moment where I
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: they alarm went off, and I thought, and can I
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: go back to sleep? Like how quickly can I get
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: back into bed and go back into sleep? And then
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I knew, Okay, like, yeah, I need support here, and
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: I wish I had your book. There was very little
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: written about grief at the time. There's more written now,
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: thank god. Yeah, but I appreciate your courage to really
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: share your story.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: I didn't want it. I didn't want it to go
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: into the nitty gritty medical stuff because that's not my
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: area of expertise. I wanted to be raw and human,
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: and it is raw and human. Yeah, And that's what
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: so people could say, Wow, she didn't hold anything back,
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: she didn't make it, she didn't sugarcoat it. I didn't,
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: and yet gave great respect for just meeting it where
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: it was and that I did my best. And yeah,
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: I failed miserably at times, but at the end of
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: the day, when you're in grief, you just do your
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: best and you move on and you give yourself a
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: whole lot of grace.
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you make choices, right, and you make choices. Yeah, Well,
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: thank you so much for being here. I'm so grateful
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: to meet you and really nice to hear just about
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: your life. Actually so inspiring. I need a whole other
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: episode to talk about your travel. I mean, that's amazing
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: and I'm sure my listeners would be very interested in
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: hearing how you manage that and about your experiences. Maybe
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: there's a book coming about that those nine years just
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: planting a seed.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: But yeah, so I weave I weave my stories in
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: through all the books. Yeah, oh so I have. I
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: have weaved travel stories through all of my books because
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: I think they are They are incredible, they are important.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: They and you learn so much when you travel, Yeah,
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: you really do. It's a it's a very expanding experience
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: to travel outside of North America.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, I totally agree with that. I totally agree with that,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: and I will be making I make a lot of
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: choices to travel. I will be making many more. Especially
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: after this conversation. I feel very inspired. I want to
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: thank you, Jan, I want to thank our listeners. Just
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: a reminder, this has come back to love and we
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: will see you next Thursday at one thirty pm Pacific
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: or four thirty pm Eastern, and I look forward to that.
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: Have a beautiful day, everybody. Thanks for being here.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Thank you. Hi.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: This is Robin Vogel, host of come Back to Love.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: If you are ready to heal the past and open
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: your heart to love again, I want to talk with you.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: Book a free thirty minute private conversation with me at
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: comebacktolove dot com. I'll meet you where you are and
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: give you real tools you can use right now. Because
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: love isn't just possible for you, it's waiting for you.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: Go to Comeback too love dot com and book your
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: free thirty minutes.
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: Today you've been listening to come Back to Love with
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: Robin Vogel, a transformative program that covers an endless array
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: of topics related to relationships, love and intimacy, along with
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: all the reasons you may be keeping love at a distance.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: Tune in each week as Robin gives you practical tools
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: that can be used to heal the past and help
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: you to safely love again. Join Robin again next week
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: at the same time for come Back to Love.