Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #987 Mummy Daughter BFF's

Transcript

#987 Mummy Daughter BFF's · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Now, you are really amazing. In yesterday's podcast, Kylie, just wonderful.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: You asked me to be poppy. But when I asked
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: you if I was poppy, you said I wasn't.
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  Speaker 2: No, No, you're not poppy, poppy or poppy or anything
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  Speaker 2: like that. You are quite sedate. You've always still hasn't
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: come back. This is so frustrating. Although it does sound
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: there might be kids listening, I can't tell you how
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  Speaker 2: it might sound. Sultry, might sound sultry.
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  Speaker 1: Hey.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Every Friday I have Family's podcast. We talk about what's
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: gone well, what hasn't. It's called I'll Do Better Tomorrow.
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  Speaker 2: The whole idea is we want to focus on how
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  Speaker 2: things are going with an intentionality to make them better.
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: We just want our family life to be better. It's
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  Speaker 2: up and down. It's a seesaw. You go first this week,
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: you're old, do better tomorrow. Is it a win or
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: is it a loss? Have you done well or not well?
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  Speaker 1: This is actually just a little share. The other day
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  Speaker 1: we were having a conversation with the kids and they
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: were talking about how They really like the o'ld do
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  Speaker 1: Better Tomorrow episodes, but they get very frustrated because we
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  Speaker 1: don't use their names anymore.
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  Speaker 2: They want to hear their name on the podcast.
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  Speaker 1: They love hearing outtake on life and especially the part
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  Speaker 1: that they play in it. And I thought that was
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  Speaker 1: really cool because over the years we've been very conscious
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  Speaker 1: about trying to give them a little bit of an animity, and.
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  Speaker 2: They just want to be the start of the show.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Hey, speaking of star of the show, somebody sent me
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  Speaker 2: something recently on social media. I don't really use my
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: social media at all, but this one came through it.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe you just it wasn't someone it was you, because
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: you're on social media much more than me. You sent
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  Speaker 2: me this thing or you showed me this thing, and
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  Speaker 2: I just thought this was so cute.
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  Speaker 1: Are you going to be part of the problem or
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  Speaker 1: part of the solution. I'm going to need the whole crop.
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  Speaker 1: I watched this about ten times in a row.
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  Speaker 2: You're going to be part of the problem, upon the solution,
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to be the whole role. All right, what's
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  Speaker 2: your od A Better Tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: It's actually just a really really brief conversation I had
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  Speaker 1: with Emily. The other day we were in the car
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: and she said, Mom, do you sometimes forget that Chanel's
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: your daughter and just think of her as your best friend?
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  Speaker 1: And I said, well, I don't forget she's my daughter,
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  Speaker 1: but I love that she's my best friend. And I
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  Speaker 1: said to her, when you're a mummy, do you think
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  Speaker 1: that we'll be best friends? And she looked at me
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  Speaker 1: and she said yeah. And then she went quiet for
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: a second, and I could just see the cogs ticking,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: and she looked at me and she said, you're going
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  Speaker 1: to be the oldest friend I have.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: The feel good.
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  Speaker 1: I was kind of doing the maths and just thinking,
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  Speaker 1: she obviously she's the youngest of six, I am going
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  Speaker 1: to be very old by the time. She said, You're
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  Speaker 1: going to be like Nanny's age by the time might
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: have children. On the surface, it just seems like a
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  Speaker 1: really cute conversation, but at the heart of it, Number one,
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  Speaker 1: I love the fact that she recognizes that there is
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  Speaker 1: this beautiful relationship that I get to have with her
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  Speaker 1: big sister, and secondly, that she's looking forward to being
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  Speaker 1: able to have that relationship. This has been something that
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: I've had to work really, really hard at I didn't
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  Speaker 1: have that growing up. I didn't have the closeness with
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  Speaker 1: my mum like I would have wanted, and so in
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  Speaker 1: some ways I could almost fall back on the fact
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  Speaker 1: that I didn't really have a role model to show
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  Speaker 1: me how to do things, how to make this work.
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  Speaker 1: But over the years, as you and I have been
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  Speaker 1: extremely intentional about how we choose to parent our children,
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  Speaker 1: that's been at the forefront of everything I do. And
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  Speaker 1: I remember a little while ago kind of thinking we've
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  Speaker 1: obviously done it all wrong, because girls get to an
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  Speaker 1: age where they just use mum as a punching bag.
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  Speaker 2: They're going through that adolescent stage, and you think I've
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  Speaker 2: lost my child, like who is this demon inhabiting my
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  Speaker 2: child's bedroom?
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  Speaker 1: And it's heartbreaking and it is so hard as a
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  Speaker 1: parent to not take it personally. But as our three
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  Speaker 1: eldest obviously now adults have kind of gone through that
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  Speaker 1: stage and come out the other side just have these
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  Speaker 1: beautiful relationships with these older girls and the younger girls
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  Speaker 1: are watching it. A little while ago, baby number three Ella,
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  Speaker 1: she looked at Chanel and she actually said to her,
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  Speaker 1: are you my best friends or something? And she was
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  Speaker 1: like yeah, And at that point, Ella was still trying
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  Speaker 1: to work out where I fitted into her world, and
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  Speaker 1: just that conversation she had with her big sister literally
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  Speaker 1: changed everything, because up until that point, Ella wasn't sure
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  Speaker 1: how much she wanted me to play a part in
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  Speaker 1: her life at that point, and to recognize that her
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  Speaker 1: other sister saw me in such a light gave her
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  Speaker 1: a different perspective, and literally things change. From that moment on.
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  Speaker 2: There is hope. If you're a parent whose kids are
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  Speaker 2: driving you crazy and you're wondering how am I going
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  Speaker 2: to get through this? There's hope. And as the kids
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  Speaker 2: get older and age into adulthood leave the nest, life
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  Speaker 2: just gets better and better. It really really does. I
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  Speaker 2: love every stage for different reasons, even our fourteen year old.
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  Speaker 2: I really love so much about what she's going through.
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  Speaker 2: But it's really taxing at certain ages as well, but
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  Speaker 2: as the age into adulthood, it's just delightful. So glad
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  Speaker 2: you shared that. Speaking of Emily and her observations, she
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  Speaker 2: said to me the other day, Hey, Dad, you need
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  Speaker 2: to say this to mum. And I said, what am
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: I saying? She said, you need to say are you okay? Like,
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  Speaker 2: have you recovered? Did it hurt? I said, why would
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  Speaker 2: I say that to mum? And she said, you just
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  Speaker 2: have to say it. So I'm going to say it
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  Speaker 2: to you right now. Are you okay? Have you recovered?
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  Speaker 2: Did it hurt?
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  Speaker 1: Why are you talking of? What did I have to
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  Speaker 1: recover from?
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  Speaker 2: When you, as an angel, fell from heaven to come
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  Speaker 2: to be on earth with me. That's what she told
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  Speaker 2: me to say to you.
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  Speaker 1: She comes out with the craziest thing. How good is that?
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  Speaker 1: She's so cute?
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  Speaker 2: And now we're getting all weepy about it.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, there's going to be a holiday of people out
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  Speaker 1: there gagging right now. So do tell me what is yours?
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  Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow. Do you have any cute things
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  Speaker 1: for me?
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  Speaker 2: No, No, I don't. I'm going to sound really self
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  Speaker 2: centered in saying this, and I just I'm going to
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  Speaker 2: say it anyway. Over the last few weeks, I've been
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  Speaker 2: making a big deal about how I'm really trying to prioritize,
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: be more present, change things up, and just just get
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  Speaker 2: things going the right way. During COVID, I had this
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: incredibly good routine where I was able to be so
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  Speaker 2: present because I was doing all the right stuff in
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  Speaker 2: the right way. And I've let it go over the
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  Speaker 2: last little while, but over the last few weeks, I'm
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  Speaker 2: pulling it together so well. And I'm just I'm on
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  Speaker 2: a real high.
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  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're on a real high. And I'm
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  Speaker 1: so glad that you're trying to get balance because what
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: happened the other day. I think I got a phone
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  Speaker 1: call to say I've done everything right today except I
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: didn't pack my shoes. What did I have to do?
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  Speaker 1: It just created a little bit of imbalance to my day.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, So I drove all the way down to Brisbane
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  Speaker 2: to present at a wonderful school. We had an audience
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  Speaker 2: of about three hundred, three hundred and fifty parents, and
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  Speaker 2: I realized about an hour and a half before I
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  Speaker 2: had to be on stage that I forgot my shoes.
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  Speaker 1: I may have rung Chanel to have a winge, because
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  Speaker 1: she may.
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  Speaker 2: Have she's your best friend.
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  Speaker 1: If that was my husband, I would be telling him
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  Speaker 1: to just go and buy some shoes.
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  Speaker 2: You did, you told me to. But the shoes that
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  Speaker 2: I wear are really I really liked my shoes. I
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  Speaker 2: didn't want to go and buy a cheap pair of
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  Speaker 2: shoes when I've already got four pairs of shoes. Not necessary.
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  Speaker 1: So why do we have four pairs of shoes?
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  Speaker 2: Because I forgot my shoes on another trip, on another trip,
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  Speaker 2: let's just added.
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  Speaker 1: A couple more.
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  Speaker 2: I've got two pairs of brown shoes. Because they don't
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  Speaker 2: need to know I forgot my shoes. Well they know now.
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  Speaker 2: Actually there was that time in Melbourne where I went
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  Speaker 2: to buy some shoes because I'd forgot my shoes. Actually
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  Speaker 2: I didn't forget them. My shoes had a blow out.
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  Speaker 2: I knew that they were on the last legs, but
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  Speaker 2: they had a blowout. And I was walking around Melbourne
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  Speaker 2: trying to find a shoe shop, but everything was closing up.
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  Speaker 2: It was an end of business and I only had
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  Speaker 2: an hour until I had to present, like six thirty
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  Speaker 2: or something. I found some guy and I asked if
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  Speaker 2: I could buy some shoes somewhere. Do you know where
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  Speaker 2: his shoe shop was that might be open? And he
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  Speaker 2: said no, And then he offered to sell me some contrabands,
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  Speaker 2: some drugs. He's a drug dealer, and I said no,
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  Speaker 2: I just need some shoes, and he said, well, you
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  Speaker 2: could buy mine. I looked at his shoes, though I'm
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  Speaker 2: quite new looking, and I said, what size are they?
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  Speaker 2: And they were my size? I said how much? He
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  Speaker 2: told me how much. I said, okay, I'll buy the shoes.
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  Speaker 2: I don't know what he laced them with, but I
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  Speaker 2: was dripping for days.
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  Speaker 1: I can't believe you found a way to weave that.
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  Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. Here's my audio better tomorrow now that
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: you've taken on all those tangents. So I've got this
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  Speaker 2: really great routine that's working really well except when i
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  Speaker 2: have to pack up and go places and forget my shoes.
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  Speaker 2: And what I'm finding is so wake up in the
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: morning and I'll do my reading.
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  Speaker 1: I've got it, like I've just had this brilliant idea.
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  Speaker 2: I may ever going to get through my better tomorrow.
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  Speaker 1: I think ev should do you a little chor chup.
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  Speaker 1: Is not a chor chart, it's a packing chart.
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  Speaker 2: So what I'm doing is I'm going ABCD. I'm getting
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  Speaker 2: my stuff done first thing in the morning. And because
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I'm doing the most important stuff first, I've got much
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: more time to be relaxed and present with kids, with
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  Speaker 2: the family, to help you out, and to just be around.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm just loving it. I feel like I'm on
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  Speaker 2: a real high because getting that framework, getting that structure right.
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  Speaker 2: It's been absent. I mean, I'm always talking to people
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  Speaker 2: about the importance of structure, because structure creates competence.
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  Speaker 1: Can we just add forgetting, not forgetting a shoe into
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  Speaker 1: the structure, please you.
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  Speaker 2: I get it, I get it. I promise I won't
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  Speaker 2: forget my shoes again, and I promise that if I
• 9:47
  Speaker 2: do forget my shoes again, I'll buy shoes so that
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  Speaker 2: you don't have to drive a long way.
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  Speaker 1: Wow, that's recorded.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you've got it for posterity. It's there forever.
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  Speaker 2: So anyway, my older birds tomorrow. I I feel like
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  Speaker 2: all the air's gone out of my older better tomorrow
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  Speaker 2: because I'm trying to do well my name, but I'm
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  Speaker 2: doing really badly.
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  Speaker 1: No, I am giving you a really hard time about
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  Speaker 1: the shoes, but you actually have been doing amazing and
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  Speaker 1: it has made a really big difference to just the
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  Speaker 1: feel of our home.
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  Speaker 2: Well, I'm glad that you appreciate that I've been working
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  Speaker 2: really hard. Hey, just wrap up. You remember a couple
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: of months ago we did this really great interview with
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: the Australian Children's Laureate Sally Rippon, the author of books
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  Speaker 2: she sold like ten million, the highest selling Australian female
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: author that we've ever had, sold like ten million copies
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: of her books. And following up to that, we got
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: a voicemail from somebody who said, you taught me in
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: that podcast not to be a book snob and because
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: of that, my kids are reading.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I've always made a really big deal about how reading
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: is great for our kids' academic potential academic outcomes. I've
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: just finished reading a great book that I'm going to
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: talk about in our upcoming Happy Families podcast book club
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: podcast called Troubled by guy called Rob Henderson. It's a
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: memoir of foster care, family and social class. Really fascinating book,
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  Speaker 2: and I want to read something to you from it.
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  Speaker 2: It really captured me and it's, I guess, kind of
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: completing the circle. It's closing the circle on that thing.
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  Speaker 2: And because it's been a really quick podcast, I figured
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  Speaker 2: I've got sixty seconds to sneak it in, he said.
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  Speaker 2: A couple of months ago, I spoke with two of
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: my mum's friends who asked me for advice. They view
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: me as a responsible adult. They see someone who was
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: honorably discharged from the military and attended top universities. This
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: would have stunned the seventeen year old Rob to learn
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: that someday people would look at him and that is
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: who they see. Mum's friends were worried that their son
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: isn't talking as much as other six year olds. They,
• 11:31
  Speaker 2: like many parents, were concerned with how smart their kid is.
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  Speaker 2: Should we be reading to him more, they asked me.
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  Speaker 2: I thought of how lonely I felt trying to teach
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: myself how to read as a foster kid. Yeah, I replied,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: but not because it will expand his vocabulary. Read to
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: him because it will remind him that you love him.
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  Speaker 1: That's beautiful.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: It's great book, fascinating book, but more than anything, it
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  Speaker 2: highlights the stuff that we try to do in this podcast.
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  Speaker 2: Everything that supposed to be doing is to help the
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: kids know that we love them, and they do so
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: much better when they know that. Even my morning routine
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: and even you driving to bring me my shoes, so thanks,
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: because I love you. The Happy Family's podcast is produced
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: executive producer. We'll be back on Monday, hopefully Kylie will
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: have her voice back.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I hope.
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: So we'll see how that goes, and we're going to
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: be talking about a fascinating conversation whether or not the
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: gentle parenting is right or wrong. Gentle parenting is under
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: the fire. That's The Happy Family's podcast back on Monday. Otherwise.
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: For more information about having happier family, visit happy families
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: dot com, dot you, and have a great weekend.