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Episode 374: The Skills You Need at Every Stage of Life · The Growth Project

• 0:00
  the literature has spoken clearly, unlike these are the common trends. And this is what the prevalence numbers look like as far as heightened concern at each of these stages. So it's in your best interest to know, what these things are for yourself and for the people around you that matter to you in that you care a lot about.
• 0:18
  Welcome to the Growth Project, a podcast brought to you by AMP amylose doctor Drew Brain and joined here today by Doctor Gabby. Caveat is,
• 0:28
  welcome to the growth Project. Gabby.
• 0:30
  Welcome to another episode. Ready to roll? Ready to roll. Yeah. Okay. Fired up about this one today. And let me start off by saying this of why I'm particularly excited about this topic is we realize that most of our listeners are, adults, right?
• 0:44
  However you define that, whether that means you are a college age student somewhere between the ages of 18 to 22, maybe you are in the the heart of your career. You're in your 40s, your 50s, who knows? But most of the folks that listen to our podcast. And so today's topic certainly applies to our typical listeners. But we we're doing something that's at least a little bit unique in that part of our discussion today is actually going to also hit on, audiences younger than that.
• 1:12
  Right? So we're going to talk about, kids kind of a youth age between 6 to 12. And then we'll get into the teenagers as well. We're going to kind of work through the lifespan. So just want to put this on your radar. If you're listening to this one, this could be a great opportunity for you to share this episode and listen with,
• 1:28
  someone in your family could be a child of yours.
• 1:31
  It could be, you know, maybe a nephew, a niece, could be a child that you coach. There's so many different options of what you could do with this, but, yeah, excited about this one. Yeah. I think we definitely want to highlight how the different skills that we teach and what we do as performance consultants carries over across the lifespan.
• 1:50
  From young kids all the way up to senior adults. Yeah. Okay. So let's start there. Gabby, why is it so important? Like, if we think about this whole category of kind of the mental and emotional challenges that that any person experiences as they go throughout life, why is it so important that we consider those unique to kind of stages?
• 2:11
  Well, when we think of developmental psychology, we look at the life across stages and the things that happen in terms of their cognitive development, your emotional intelligence, they they vary across age span. And so inherently, the challenges that you encounter differ as well. So being equipped at the right stages in life to handle those challenges is important.
• 2:37
  Yeah. And and I think so that certainly happens right where you'll have unique, specific challenges that are most common for say, teenagers. Or maybe we see them more commonly for youth. You know, pre-teens. And there's a couple of elements. This one is like, hey, that's the main time this shows up. The other one would be there are challenges that happen across the lifespan, but they're unique to it.
• 3:01
  It feels different if you're 13 than it does if you're 53. And the ways you internalize that challenge and the kind of the ripple effects of that in the way it affects other areas of your life. So we want to speak to all of that today. But I think it's really, really important of like, it's not as simple as can we talk about adversity?
• 3:20
  Well, adversity. Like what type like where are you in life and what types of challenges are you experiencing? And who else is being impacted by the fact that you're experiencing that? So we're gonna go into all that today and and where I think we would go wrong in life sometimes as we wait until we're older to learn how to handle adversity.
• 3:40
  So what I really want to highlight today is, you know, starting from a young age, how can we equip, our kids or, you know, the the kids that we're coaching, with the skills they need early on to then set them up for success? Yeah. Because let's face it, we can be very guilty of this old people.
• 3:57
  Putting myself in that category, we talk about the fact that it's imperative our kids are resilient. They have grit, they can deal with difficult things. And conceptually, that is spot on. However, we don't always do a really good job of actually teaching them. Here's how you do that. Here's what the skill is that you need in order to do that.
• 4:18
  And so that's part of what we want to accomplish today.
• 4:21
  Okay. Let's start with who we would call kind of like our youth population, Gabby.
• 4:25
  And so we're going to think of that as the aged between the ages of 6 to 12. What are some of the unique, mental and emotional challenges that we tend to see for that population? Well, I've had the unique privilege of working with some really young, and I've had the unique, perspective of parenting some of these kids.
• 4:44
  So this should be great. Go for it. Yeah. Specifically, you know, when you are some 12 years old, 6 to 12, you've really got to start with the basics. We're talking understanding emotions, what you're feeling, why you're feeling it, and how those emotions come to life. So a big focus for the youth is awareness around emotions.
• 5:11
  Yeah. All right. So meaning when something is happening inside of me, first of all, I can have a little bit of an awareness of like, oh, okay. So I'm not just normal right now. I'm not just fine or kind of at baseline, like something is happening inside of me. So first of all, a good, effective internal alarm system to that.
• 5:32
  And then once I realize that maybe something's going on, like, then what do I need to be able to do? What comes next? So once you realize what's going on, it's it's okay label. Yeah. What is it? Yeah. What is it? You know, can you name it and do that accurately? That's an important word too. Because if the label I'm assigning to the emotion, although it is a label isn't the right one.
• 5:58
  Well, that's a problem too, right. So you want children to be able to detect quickly and then accurately assess what that is. And this is not easy. None of these things are easy. Yeah. And we've also had a young kid throws a temper tantrum. Maybe they're frustrated. But what is the root of that frustration? Are they sad or are they angry.
• 6:21
  Yeah. There is a wide range of emotions that lead to what I believe is frustration. So it can be challenging for them to clearly identify what led to that reaction. And so this is the early stages of teaching them how to respond rather than react. Yeah. Okay. So how are those two different. So you know reacting is that instinctual.
• 6:45
  You know just initial reaction to whatever presents itself. Involuntary volunteer. Yeah. Responding is being able to hear or pause and recognize what you're feeling and choose what you want your response to be. Yeah, okay. And so maybe this is obvious for the non-US listeners of this, but I'm going to say it anyways. If you're an adult, you better be doing that first.
• 7:11
  Right. You've got to be modeling this to the youth, the child that you're trying to help. Right? I mean, you can't you can't be flying off the handle and reacting and then expecting your ten, 11, 12 year old to not do that as well. That's not what we're aiming for. But the first of these skills that this first of the the examples here in this youth category is emotional awareness.
• 7:33
  And I think it's also important just to point out here, many adults aren't very good at this either. So although we're talking about the kind of development of these skills early in life, that really kind of also shines a spotlight on like why many adults aren't good at this because they didn't do it, then it wasn't a priority.
• 7:52
  Yeah, it wasn't a priority. Okay. So you've got emotional awareness. What are some other areas of focus that that we typically see at this age regulation. So very basic regulation strategies taking a deep breath being able to reset from those heightened emotions and bounce back.
• 8:11
  Yeah. So having your version of a pause button right. Can I slow everything down.
• 8:17
  Because that's a big part of what like a negative emotional spiral typically means like internal speeding up of of lots of systems in our kid, we don't expect a child be able to diagnose systems very effectively, but they can sometimes feel like, okay, everything's going fast right now, fast is bad. And we're talking about emotional reactivity. So yeah, being able to regulate breathing is a great way to do that.
• 8:41
  What else can you do to regulate if grounding techniques work really well with young kids? Having them pick out, you know, with the five senses, what's something you see. What's something you hear. Yes. Go.
• 8:54
  Yeah. And just in creating, creating some space like I can remember with each of our three who are now and they've all graduated from the youth phase, my three kids.
• 9:07
  But I can remember just the importance of being able to say, okay, you know what? Now doesn't seem like the time. Okay, I'm going to set this timer for five minutes. I'll be back. Yeah. And it's amazing how really kind of both parties sometimes need that. But can you get back to it in five minutes? It's amazing how much clearer your head can be.
• 9:27
  Five minutes later. Doesn't have to be five days or five hours. Just five minutes can make a big difference, especially for kids. That's little bit
• 9:35
  What else? Any other things for that youth phase? Gabby confidence building is kind of the third piece here that we really touch on, at this age. And it's complex going from an effort perspective.
• 9:47
  And, confidence is not a fixed mindset. This is really where we, lay the foundation for growth mindset. That effort is what builds confidence. Yeah. This is where, you know, although it's early like habits are becoming at least a little bit in tact. And so you want to be thinking about it. Gosh we could do a whole nother discussion on that.
• 10:11
  But age appropriate examples of habits to build the confidence you're talking about. You know, the child who is with consistently making his or her bed and emptying the dishwasher and taking out the trash feels good about those things. And there's really no reason that those ages, they can't be doing those things. But it's a good way to to develop confidence.
• 10:31
  And it gives you a way as a parent to then kind of praise your child for following through on his or her responsibility. A lot of good stuff there. All right. So bottom line we're talking about that youth 6 to 12. It's time to build awareness. And it's it's about can you begin to put the foundation together to give you the skills you need to exercise resilience and then keep it simple.
• 10:55
  Keep it engaging especially with this age range. Yeah. Avoiding getting any jargon or any examples that are just over their head. That is key with them and keeping it fun. Yep. Yeah. And so maybe just a final point on that before we get into our next phase here parents. Although I know you might be really, really focused on coaching the jump shot or, you know, the perfect swing on the golf course or the in the batter's box, or you're coaching the backstroke, whatever it might be, please be sure you are coaching mental and emotional skills, because those are the very things that sometimes get in the way of the jump shot.
• 11:35
  That's one. Okay. What's next? Next, let's move on to teens. Teens. What's not to love about teens 13 to 18? You know what? You've seen it firsthand.
• 11:50
  What are some of the biggest challenges that we face at this age range? How much time do you have? I've got two of these, teenagers in my under my roof these days, and one that's already gone. There's so much that's going on during those years, obviously. And now the big kind of. Okay, when you crossed that threshold of that youth 6 to 12 age group and now we're really into the teens.
• 12:13
  What are some of the the new things have been introduced? I'll give you on hormones and all that comes with that. So now you think about what are we discussing today. Mental and emotional skills, mental, emotional challenges. We've now introduced the whole new variable of like, what are the physiological and hormonal changes that are taking place within these kids, which we know can create so much interference when it comes to our ability to just manage ourselves?
• 12:42
  Well, I think what you end up with oftentimes is you have teenagers who are making really poor decisions and kind of a self-management type way, and they don't even realize it because they're so driven by the way, the way a hormone is kind of triggering an emotional impulse. And now they're flying off the handle and making bad decisions.
• 13:04
  And it isn't that they, certainly wanted to or were trying to do that. And I'm, I'm not excusing bad behavior, but the hormonal changes here, you gotta account for those, right? Yeah. And you know, again, this is where if you don't have the building blocks in place from the youth of being able to, you know, tune in to your emotions, that reactivity becomes heightened hugely.
• 13:33
  Yeah. Hugely reactive. That's a big part of what the hormones because the hormone is driving impulsivity oftentimes. So you have all I mean think about the layers to this. You have all of that going on inside of the teenager simultaneously. We have this big identity formation piece it's occurring which Gabby talk about that when we say identity formation, what does that mean.
• 13:54
  Yeah, I mean thinking about this age range here they are figuring out who they are as an individual. Yeah. It's and maybe who they are athletically or what hobbies interests you, what friend groups they're in. It's really this formation of the self. Yeah. There's a lot of trial and error with that. We've seen. I mean, you know, you start out with one friend group and then like, wait, that's not really who I am.
• 14:20
  Let me try this instead. Or within sports, this is the age range where we see athletes start to specialize, in their sports. And that forms their athletic identity. Right? Yeah. And so think about like, let's put some pieces together here. Not every identity choice that a person makes works out right. I mean, you take a young man who's 16, 17, 18 years old, who's who he's saying his chosen identity is, I'm going to be a basketball player.
• 14:53
  Well guess what? He's five five. How's that going to go? Well, he better be really, really, really quick and really fast and be able to jump pretty high. And if he can't do those things and yet he's five five, that identity is not going to form very well because it's really hard to be effective in a sport like basketball.
• 15:12
  When you're five five doesn't mean you can't do it. But the odds are greatly stacked against you. So then think about the collision of this of like, okay, what I think I want to do with my life and the identity that I want to choose for myself isn't going very well. I have these hormonal surges that we're talking about.
• 15:29
  And meanwhile, what do I get into more and more heavily as a teenager comparison? And if I'm not doing it, social media is for me. So, Gabby, talk about kind of the storm that can begin to brew as all of those things are colliding. It's it's bad, but it's I mean, the pressure that that brings from so many different avenues is immense.
• 15:51
  And, and you're trying to cope with the pressure of comparison, like you said, but also the pressure of trying to live up to expectations that maybe you have for yourself. Expectations maybe your parents have of you. For teachers or coaches. So you've got all of these expectations coming in all of this outside, you know. No no wait is that is leading you to doubt right.
• 16:19
  Yeah. Yeah I mean the is a keyword there I think. Right. Because what begins to materialize and like you know kind of come come to reality here is the, the gap between what I want for my identity and what's actually materializing, what's look, you know, aspirational versus real. And sometimes they're aligned and sometimes they aren't. But if they aren't, aligning, the internal pressure, like you said, can grow to be very, very, very intense.
• 16:52
  And so as we think about like, okay, like let's, let's imagine that that whole scenario is happening. What are the mental and emotional skills that we want to see people develop for the those types of challenges? Well, you talked a lot about how decisions at this age, sometimes there's good decisions and bad decisions and those you make mistakes.
• 17:15
  So those post mistake recovery process protocols that we talked about in the past are are really important at this stage, like being able to recognize when you've made a mistake, reflect on it and figure out how to move forward from it. Hard to do. Right. Because while you're making that mistake, there's a good chance that one of your comparison peers isn't.
• 17:41
  Yeah. And you know it. And he or she knows it. And then back to what I said about good old social media. Everybody else knows it too. So that the psychology of mistake recovery has changed so drastically since you and I were teenagers. And that's why you often you see parents these days saying and feeling very kind of ill equipped to help with some of that because they haven't lived through that.
• 18:07
  Right? I mean, I can still remember, you know, the stage we're talking about right now, this teen phase, which for me was high school, a long, long time ago. And even if you take the example of sports and, you know, my main sport was basketball and you know, everything, you know, you I played on Friday nights, which was cool, was fun, right?
• 18:26
  You playing Friday night and then you, you would get up on Saturday morning and it would always be exciting to get the sports page. And you could go into the, in the newspaper and the box scores, and that's when you'd be able to see like, well, how did I do last night? Like who won, who lost, how many points people scored.
• 18:44
  And you got a little bit of visibility into kind of how it all went. But I mean, that is complete night and day with what it's like today. Yeah. You know, if you looked at that box score and your team won or lost, you would never know if someone missed a game winning shot. You'd have no way of knowing today, five minutes or less after that person missed a buzzer beater.
• 19:08
  It's on social media and kids are 1617. That's hard. Yeah. So mean. That's one of the biggest challenges. You know, I, I saw working even at, a high school level with AMG remotely. It was there's a lot of instantaneous like feedback that they're getting from their parents, from their coaches, from completely outside sources. Yeah. And yeah, it is it is challenging.
• 19:38
  And I think one thing that's just huge for parents to be able to acknowledge here is there are many examples these days where you are asking your kids to do something you've never done, right. I mean, you, me, parents, they you don't know what it's like to have all of your efforts and exploits and whatever your, your, you know, chosen sport or what or whatever.
• 20:04
  Like you don't know what it's like for all that to be out there for public people to consume. You don't know what that's like. And yet you're trying to help kids who do. And that's tough. That's a really, really, really tough okay. So mistake recovery is big here Gabby. Another one is self-talk and kind of self-talk awareness.
• 20:22
  What is that? While, you know, this is a really interesting age and that we start to become more intentional with and can be more intentional with what you're saying and what you're thinking and can now understand the direct impact that has to your emotional state and to your behaviors. So the awareness piece, being able to say, okay, what have I trained myself to think?
• 20:48
  Like when I make a mistake or when I start to compare myself to others, like, what am one of those things I'm saying to myself, and how do they make me feel? Yeah. And if they make you feel negatively, this is your chance to start reframing that. Start changing early on in life the way that you're thinking, so that it leads to better outcomes.
• 21:10
  And so you can see how the skills building here. Right. Because whereas with the youth population, we're talking about internal alarm system and kind of labeling emotion, which is a self-awareness skill and of itself. Now we're kind of on to the next phase of that little higher order skill of can you dial into your internal dialog and get it, get the right feel for it, understanding of it, and then can you adjust accordingly?
• 21:32
  Is what you're saying, you know, can I choose a different path or a different way of how I'm going to think and what I'm going to say to myself? And that is one that you will be working on and focusing on for the rest of your life. And we're still trying to get better at that. Okay. The teenage years have kind of exhausted me.
• 21:49
  I feel like it's time to go to. I think it's time to move on. I think it's time to move on to following the teenage years. We get into what we call kind of our young adults. Who does that include? Gabby, our 18 to 25 year old. What's your college maybe. And right out of college or early career?
• 22:07
  Or grad school individuals as well? Yeah. This is those people who are trying to become more independent, figure out their path for a career. Find some consistency in their lives. But there's a lot of change at this point. Turns. And with that, change often comes a lot of disappointment and a lot of disappointment. Let me talk about why.
• 22:37
  And, you know, I'm mainly referring to this, what I would call kind of like immediately on the other side of college so that, you know, the latter part of that for that segment you're talking about have kind of more is probably 22 to 25 ish is, you know, prior to that time in life, many kids, not all, but many kids have had, very clear hurdles laid out for them.
• 23:04
  Right. You go to kindergarten. What do you do after kindergarten? Well, you try to go kind of finish the milestone of elementary school, which is followed by middle, which is followed by high school traditionally in the US. Not saying this is the only way to do it by any means, or even the best or. And yet. But like oftentimes people go to college very clear milestone for them suddenly don't have that anymore.
• 23:25
  And it's the first time in life psychologically where what you're supposed to do next is in is clear. Maybe you go on to, other, you know, some type of further education, but let's say you don't let's say you don't do that. You graduate, you jump into the working world, and you've spent the last 20 plus years, although you weren't always aware of it necessarily kind of pursuing this goal.
• 23:50
  You accomplish the goal. I've got my first job, I'm out in the real world and guess what? I don't love it.
• 23:57
  So, you know, why do people experience some disappointment there psychologically? They've been pursuing this milestone. They get there, and it isn't maybe quite as great as they thought it was going to be. So then what do they do with that? I mean, this is where the skills come in. You know, you've got to be able to handle that failure.
• 24:17
  You talk a lot about it not living up to what you maybe thought it was. So reclassifying. What is success to you now that there's no set path or set milestones? How are you going to clearly define success in your in your job, in your life?
• 24:36
  Yeah, right. Because hey, I've got to, I've got to figure some things out that are less clear to me than they once were.
• 24:44
  And I've got to come to terms with the fact that I sure did work hard to get here. And it isn't as kind of a charmed of an existence as I is. I thought it was going to be. Now, does that happen to everybody? Of course it doesn't happen to everybody. Are there some people who come out on the other side of that?
• 25:00
  And it's their rock and roll and great good for them. But it's pretty normal to not feel that way. There aren't that many entry level jobs that people have set their sights on in terms of, like aspirational destination type jobs. Those two things are not the same typically, so it can be a really hard time mentally, mentally at motivation.
• 25:21
  I mean, like how how do you stay motivated for something that didn't live up to maybe what you thought it was going to be? But also, I think this is where a lot of challenges come in with structure. And, to, you know, hold yourself accountable to a routine, to managing your time when there's no set class schedule anymore, there's nobody governing your day to day besides you.
• 25:49
  Yeah, that's very true. And then with that, relationships can get really tough, too. Whereas in college it was maybe easier and you kind of found your people and you hung with your people throughout your time there. Now where do you find your people? Maybe you can do that in a work environment, maybe you can't. And so then if you're working a lot all day, every day, people often are kind of short on energy by the time that day is over.
• 26:11
  And so they you can get very isolated. You can be very lonely socially. People can really struggle at this phase. And then some of that internal conflict too, of like, well, gosh, like this was supposed to be great. And so like, is it me? Is it the job? What is it. So you can see the like the uniqueness of of all the uncertainty that can happen there.
• 26:30
  Yeah.
• 26:31
  All right, now it's time to. We're done with our young adults. Which means what? Who comes next? Are adults 5 to 15. Okay, if you weren't listening up until now, tune in to big. We just we just really broadened our scope. Here. We went. We know we went. We have 25 years of people here. Adults 25 to 50.
• 26:50
  So we're a little broader stroke we're painting with here at this point. So Gabby what are in that broader range. What are some of the common challenges that pop up.
• 26:59
  Well, I mean, this is the age in which we see a lot of career advancements happening. We see maybe some significant life changes, maybe starting a family, or getting, you know, and going down a different path than you initially thought.
• 27:15
  You are going to go down the changes in careers. Yep. In this phase,
• 27:21
  there's a lot of stress in this phase of life and that, maybe you're trying to find some stability, whether or not financial stability or, and mental emotional stability. There is there's a lot that goes on in this 25 year. It was 25 years, right?
• 27:39
  A lot of plenty of opportunity. I think. Also, this is an interesting age range, especially in today's time because now more than ever, we see people in this classification that are at very different stages. We have people who are in their early 30s, you know, who have young kids, have a career, and then we have people who are in their late 30s who have said, hey, I'm not ready to have a family yet.
• 28:09
  I want to focus on my career. And interestingly enough, we're at a time where they can decide to have a family early 40s, you know, so the the timeline here is very complex. Yep. A lot of feelings. And feeling misunderstood or not, you're not, where you should be. So it's it's very complex. Yeah. It was said there's so many moving parts associated with this, and then unique to you, we then see kind of like corresponding mental and emotional challenges, just like we've been talking about.
• 28:40
  You know, I can think of one. I was actually on a call just earlier today with, someone who works in a, in a large organization, has a very important job and has gotten to a really interesting point in his career where he's just more attuned than ever to the sacrifices he's made for his career, and is really questioning whether or not he's made the right choices.
• 29:06
  That is a hard place to be, because if and when you get there, yes, there are some things you can do to reset and recalibrating kind of right the ship and there's some things you can't, and there are certain things that have transpired and they're out the back door and they're not coming back. And that's hard. And there's regret associated with that.
• 29:28
  He actually asked me in the conversation. He's like, is this normal? Do you hear this? Like, what do I do with this? And it's it's it's tough. Those are tough questions. Those are really tough questions. I think the answer is if and when a person gets to that point in their career, in their life, all they can do at that moment is decide what they want to do going forward.
• 29:50
  So all you can do keeping a present focus and taking control back on what you can do now. Yeah, you can't change. No you can't, you can't. And and I don't like that that specific example that popped up today is not uncommon at all. It is not uncommon at all. And it's it's certainly should not be viewed from the lens of like someone did something right or wrong or good or bad.
• 30:16
  I think people are, you know, everyone's out. No one's ever out there trying to make bad decisions. People are trying to make the decision that they really feel strongly is the right one at any given time. Sometimes those turn out to be ones that we feel great about. Sometimes they don't. This is a prime age range as well where we start to see struggles with that work life balance.
• 30:40
  Yep. That's it for work life harmony is they call it. Yeah. It's the competing demands of all the different dimensions of your life. And then you try to figure out, okay, well, how do I prioritize what I need to find all examples. Yep. And one of the skills that's essential here. And you know, we can although I don't know the episode number where we got into this.
• 31:01
  Yeah. Boundary setting. Yeah. And we've done some podcasts in recent months on boundaries and what they really are and how we think about them. But I'll say it this way you don't have a chance at being good in honoring priorities at this phase of development without boundaries just can't happen. Often. There is no chance. And so understanding what what boundaries are, where you see opportunities.
• 31:29
  And then we always like to talk about, taking risks of, okay, will you truly uphold that boundary? And even if it feels uncomfortable, like take the risk, see what happens. It's amazing how often it works out. Well. Anyways, and I would add to this list, you know, thinking about is relevant at this stage would be leadership skills.
• 31:51
  Where. Yeah. In this age range, people are starting to take on more responsibilities, right at work or, and, you know, other organizations as leaders and those skills of emotional regulation, of communication, they become so important at this stage. This is what sets you apart. Absolutely. You know, whatever your expertise is in your industry, the thing we've talked about this on plenty episodes, the things that often get you considered for these leadership spots often help you very little when it comes to being in leadership and exercising leadership capabilities.
• 32:29
  So it's it's a different set of skills, a different way of being, you really have to rely on. Okay. So we let's just let's just be candid here. We are not going to do justice to the all the complexities of the adult. I mean, there's just that's probably an episode in of itself. So let's, let's switch gears and get into kind of our final segment of this Gabby, which is, midlife and seniors.
• 32:52
  Who is that? Okay, 50 plus, I hope. Milt, if Milt if Milt hears this episode. He sees midlife. He's midlife. We said midlife and seniors and seniors say 50 plus. Okay. And so certain things change. What are some of the unique challenges to this segment? Well, this is the years in which we see the classification of like the midlife crisis.
• 33:18
  Right. And what is that? That's major identity shifts. You were talking how adults get to the point of questioning, like some of their, their choices and having some regrets. And this is where they start to act on those and they start to shift their identity and to maybe areas that they never got the chance to explore. It's kind of that phase of re exploration and figuring out, yeah, well, did I fully explore who I am?
• 33:48
  And if not, let me try some new things out. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Right where this is in a normal thing, you see, tendency wise in this phase is people feeling like certain opportunities are slipping away from them that really probably aren't. But it's normal to feel that way. It feels. And I, I don't speak from experience.
• 34:11
  I'm not yet there, but I've certainly, worked with plenty of folks in that segment, read plenty on this and that. It's normal to feel that kind of like window is closing faster than it even is, especially when you get to the point of preparing for retirement. You know, that is the, death of an identity in a sense where it's like, hey, I've worked in, you know, my job or my career for however long 20, 30 years.
• 34:42
  And now that's coming to an end. Yeah. And that's that's a big shift. Yep. What now? That's exactly right. And that's a whole nother conversation that we should probably save for the, the common, reactions and sometimes kind of some disappointments that can come in retirement. And that is by no means a statement that that retirement can't be or won't be great.
• 35:08
  Tons of people do really, really well, but there are plenty of others like you're describing right there that when the identity shifts like that, it's really difficult. It's really, really difficult.
• 35:17
  Because what you're really talking about is for those folks, where do they continue to find purpose and what are they kind of hitching their wagon to that gives them purpose and structure and routine in that type of stuff, meaning some of those key big words is exactly the skills we want to prioritize at this stage in life.
• 35:37
  Is reconnecting with your purpose and meaning? Yeah,
• 35:41
  having that resilience through the challenge, and embracing it. And there's something to be said there, too, though, that I think that people are going to be best positioned to do that in their latest stages of a career if they've done that throughout. So we are not advocating for, oh, hey, when you get into the later stages of your career, begin to think about purpose of meaning.
• 36:00
  Not saying that, however, those are, essential critical skills and elements once you get there of really being able to kind of get a good pulse on those things. All right. So we've covered a lot of ground, I guess the lifespan to be to be exact. What about kind of final thoughts from you, Gabby, on how we pull this together.
• 36:21
  Yeah. You know, I think it was a really unique episode to, to do today. And, we get to kind of see how developmentally, what we do translates across age ranges. And again, like you said, it's not to say that, you know, the skills that you're leaning on most heavily in your senior years aren't going to be utilized in your earlier years, but hopefully it gave our listeners some awareness into which ones can be the most helpful during different stages when you're kind of encountering different challenges.
• 36:57
  But regardless, you know, the thing that we always highlight is it doesn't matter what stage of life you're in, there are some universal skills, you know, to be your awareness, your ability to regulate, focus and and reflect. Yeah. Yeah. Well, exactly. And I think all I would add is that, yes, every person is going to kind of march through these stages differently and unique to them.
• 37:21
  However, trends in prevalence are real. You know, prevalence rates come from reality. And so we know that,
• 37:31
  the literature has spoken clearly, unlike these are the common trends. And this is what the prevalence numbers look like as far as heightened concern at each of these stages. So it's in your best interest to know, what these things are for yourself and for the people around you that matter to you in that you care a lot about.
• 37:47
  All right. So this is a final kind of call to action I would mention is, certainly want to people to internalize a lot of this for themselves, but then also really think about some, some folks maybe behind you in this developmental progression. Again, could be your kids, could be your grandkids, could be anybody. And like think about how you can really contribute to their growth.
• 38:08
  Now armed with at least a little bit more awareness of what some of these tendencies are and what the needed skill areas are. So we'll leave you with that challenge. And as always, want to thank our listeners. The growth project is only made successful because of you. So we are thankful and grateful for your, your attention and your commitment to, listening and following.
• 38:27
  And we look forward to our next conversation here real soon. Take care and care.