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Transcript

I Achieved Everything But Stayed Stuck (Here's Why) · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved us a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on Lowe's.com, right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 0:30
  Own your sh**. I have built an entire foundation on fear. It's hard to trust people when you grow up in complete chaos. Eight years of abuse and lack. You need to go to treatments. Whatever it takes because it's holding you back.
• 0:47
  We all still have triggers and traumas. Some are big T, some are small T. Mine were massive T. They almost killed me. They almost killed me later in life. Fear is one hell of a motivator, but it will only get you so far. And that stops today. Different levels, you're gonna meet different levels that you're going to have to slay. But you've gotta go through the hardships.
• 1:16
  to learn the lessons you need to become the person that can handle the next level. Now I'm taking back my power.
• 1:29
  This is the Heart of the Life podcast. I've always said to you guys, different levels, you're gonna meet different devils that you're going to have to slay. You're gonna have to shed your own skin. You're gonna have to learn new habits to become the new you to grow. As you guys know, I have coaches, mentors, therapists, trainers, because I wanna get better at everything. What got me here won't get me there.
• 1:55
  I have achieved success, massive amounts of success, more success than I ever thought I ever were going to achieve. And it's not enough. I've been stuck because I've been watering down what I'm saying to all you guys. I have been trying to protect what I say is all you. Really, I've been trying to protect my eight-year-old self who was
• 2:27
  Always scared, always hungry. You know what, scared wasn't good enough. That's not a strong enough word. He was terrified. See, growing up, if you guys have read my book, Heart of the Life, I talk about this, but I still didn't get as deep as I'm gonna get today. So today's episode is I'm gonna be very, very vulnerable because I know a lot of you are stuck.
• 2:57
  And I'm going to share with you my TLC method that literally I just came up with. But I'm going to share a vulnerable story. And it's going to land on a lot of you guys. If you're working your butt off and you're believing in visible progress, you're reading self-help books, you're listening to podcasts,
• 3:23
  like Hulk Hogan used to say, you're saying your prayers, you're eating your vitamins, you're doing your workouts, and yet you're still not getting your 24-inch pythons, this episode is for you. And I'm going to get deep. So I apologize. I may ramble. I may not. But I've never done this before. So I'm going to do my best. But I'm going to be real. And I'm going to be raw. And this is going to be relevant. Here we go. On my...
• 3:54
  eighth birthday, my mother went out drinking and didn't even acknowledge my birthday. My sister had just moved out and she wanted to make sure that I was okay because up until her moving out, she had been my buffer of the beatings. And I'm not talking whoop-ins, I'm talking beatings. The last
• 4:24
  The day that my sister stayed in our childhood home, my mom chased her out of the house with a broomstick as she was beating her. The neighbors called the police. The police came and grabbed my sister, and I never saw her come back to the house again. Abandonment number one. My sister, who was nine years older than me,
• 4:55
  who taught me how to read and write, cared for me, loved me, and protected me, was now gone. To this day, that hurts. But she had to leave because had she stayed, my mother would have killed her. Fast forward back to my birthday.
• 5:24
  And for some reason, my sister decided she was gonna come and hang out with me. And we're sleeping, we had a great night. Like I said, my mother didn't even acknowledge my birthday, my stepdad didn't acknowledge my birthday. But my father, who was a drug addict in his own self, picked me up, took me out, bought me some roller skates, and this is how old I am, bought me a Walkman with headphones that went over your ear that had these plastic dongles
• 5:54
  to hold them together. And I had fallen asleep with them and broke them. My mother comes home from drinking and comes ripping into the room and realizes it's my birthday. And at this time it's 11, 11.30 at night and I could smell the liquor on her breath. And what started off kind, she said,
• 6:22
  Sorry, I missed your birthday. What did your dad do? And I said, he bought me this Walkman. But I seem to have broken the earbuds. Bought me these roller skates. I went roller skating. I had a good night. My sister Lisa's here. All in all, it's been a good night. And she's like, well, I want to use your Walkman. And I'm like, it's broken. And she's like, no, it's not. Fix it. And then became enraged.
• 6:54
  And I don't know what I said, but I had flipped. I did something to flip a switch. And she hauled off and punched me right in the face. Yep. My mother, who's supposed to protect me and keep me safe and love me, punched me in the face. And it hurt. I thought I broke my nose right away. Eyes watering.
• 7:25
  Nose bloody. And I was like, whoa, okay. And she proceeded to do it again and again and again and again until my lifeless body started falling. Then she grabbed my face and tried to gouge out my eyeball. And I said, this is it. This is how I'm gonna die.
• 7:57
  And I couldn't fight back because I was so young and so small and frail. And my mother was an avid workout woman. My friends all thought she was an American gladiator. But as my lifeless body lay there and she's gouging out my eye and I'm holding onto her arm so it doesn't, I'm holding onto her hand and her wrist so it doesn't go all the way into my eye
• 8:26
  Door comes flying open. My sister punches my mother in the face, grabs my lifeless body, pulls me into this back room and slams the door on my mother's face and locks it. The courage it took for my sister to do that.
• 8:54
  Two summers ago, I went and thanked her because I never thought of her perspective. She had come home to just check on her baby bro and her worst fears came to fruition. And she sat in this room and listened to me get pummeled. Most people would have just froze. Not my sister. Not my sister.
• 9:20
  not my hero. She's why I'm here today telling this story. She saved my life. I wish you, thank you, sister. Thank you. The whole world is gonna thank you because now I'm taking back my power. I'm loving that eight-year-old boy. And he gave me permission to tell the truth. And I'm gonna share it with all of you now.
• 9:51
  When she pulled me into the room, she said, here's the number to my social worker. You've got to get out of this house. She's going to kill you. And I was like, I'm leaving 100%. Face is bloody. Nose is bloody. Eyes just tore up, have a black eye. And I slept in that back room. Actually, I don't even remember what happened after that.
• 10:16
  All I remember is fast forward to the morning. My mom sobered up. My sister had left. I think she left that night. I don't remember. And my mother made me stay home from school, obviously, because if I would have gone to school, I was so beat up. It would have been obvious that she would have got arrested for child abuse. And I know this because it was the only...
• 10:41
  Day I missed school that entire year because I never missed school because that was the only place I got a hot lunch. I say all that to say this, I have been grinding on myself, wondering why I've been stuck. Three years of the podcast, we've reached good success, but we have not reached massive success.
• 11:11
  30 years in business, really 20 some years of owning a company, and we've reached good success, but not massive success. And it's because I have built my entire foundation on fear. Fear is one hell of a motivator, but it will only get you so far.
• 11:40
  that fear and that lack, I see it everywhere. I can't unsee it. And it was a beacon that God kept sending me a lesson because I wasn't learning it. He kept sending it and kept sending it and kept sending it. And then,
• 12:03
  in my parts work, in my brain spotting work, in multiple therapy sessions, in my coaching, it just kept coming up. Why are you sugarcoating this? And it was because I was trying to protect that little boy. He needed somebody to step in and protect him. And I'm trying to protect all of you like that little eight year old boy.
• 12:34
  And that stops today. I was told courageously by my coach to record this podcast. And I'm sitting here recording it completely calm, completely vulnerable. And I'm giving myself and all of you permission to play bigger.
• 13:04
  No longer do I really want you to be harder than life. I want you to be happier than life, but you gotta go through the hardships to learn the lessons you need to become the person that can handle the next level. And I wanna say this, I wish that
• 13:32
  the abuse had stopped there. It went on for eight more years. And that was ingrained into me. That fear and lack and scarcity and abandonment. And it's hard to trust people when you grow up in complete chaos. So if you grew up anything like I did,
• 14:01
  I implore you to not just go to therapy. I promised you I was going to give you the TLC method. And it's so simple. I just came up with it. It's so simple. It is so stupid. But it works. Eight years of abuse and lack. Scarcity.
• 14:31
  And I thought I'd done the work. I've done hypnotherapy, talk therapy, EMDR therapy, plant medicine, parts work, priming, coaches. I thought I was really far healed. And we were sitting there, me and my counselor, social worker, whatever she is. And my eight-year-old self spoke up and said,
• 14:59
  Hey, Kelly, this was much worse than I let on. You see that we have these protectors that come in and protect you, that shield you from feeling the really bad stuff, to just get you through it. And from 8 to 16, those protectors protected me that then came,
• 15:24
  had me drink to get by and play small and be light for the next 25 years. And that's where the Heart and the Life brand started, 43.
• 15:39
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved as a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on lowes.com right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 16:10
  I promised you real raw authenticity. If you're stuck and you grew up any kind of tumultuous childhood, I'm gonna give you the method, but I'm gonna tell you talk therapy is not enough. You need to go to hypnotherapy, EMDR therapy, ketamine treatments, whatever it takes, because it's holding you back.
• 16:41
  That little boy was scared, was starving, but he's speaking up and he gave me permission to come tell you everything. And expect to see my content get more authentic, more real, more raw, because I trust myself and I trust all you. What my coach said to me was saying, the Kelly that I know, that you show,
• 17:11
  doesn't give a shit, doesn't care about what anybody thinks. The truth be told, they do. And he spotted that as well. So he said, I want you to record a podcast that is authentic and true. And you know me, I'm going to give you a problem, but I'm also going to give you a solution. So here's my solution.
• 17:34
  Even if you grew up a perfect life, we all still have triggers and traumas. Some are big T and some are small T. Mine were massive T. And they almost killed me. They almost killed me later in life. I will gladly go into this deeper. I will probably do more podcasts on this, but we're getting up against it. And I'm going to give you the TLC method that I recommend for everybody.
• 18:06
  The number one item that you can use to win is a mirror. Look into the mirror, be radically accountable, own your shit and declare war on yourself and move forward. And here's how you can do it. The TLC method, simple guys. T stands for training.
• 18:29
  Train your mind and your body. And I'm gonna break it down simple. Guys, this is not difficult, doesn't require a lot of money. Train your body every single day. If you look good, you'll feel good, you do good. Five to seven times a week, I want you in the gym. 45 minutes. Get in the gym and sweat.
• 18:53
  I do not want to hear an excuse, Kelly, I can't afford it. There are gyms that cost $10 to $15 a month. Come on now, we can all afford $10 to $15 a month. Get in the gym five to seven times and sweat. Look good, feel good, do good. I want you to train your mind as well. And that is through daily meditation. I now use the waking up app.
• 19:23
  It costs, I don't know, $60 a year. Was it $5 a month? I used to use the daily calm. 10 minutes of meditation every single day. 10 minutes, first thing I do in the morning. It will calm your mind and it trains your mind to be calm in stressful situations. So the T stands for training. Train your mind, train your body. Gym, meditation. Got it? Cool. Second,
• 19:54
  L stands for learning. I want you to listen to three podcasts per week. Listen to three podcasts to, it could be anybody. And I implore you, I listen to Ed Milet, I listen to Chris Williamson, I listen to Joe Rogan. Joe Rogan's three hours, just three hours worth of podcasts, whether it be three times a week, one hour, maybe it's every day for 30 minutes,
• 20:25
  Switch it up. Don't listen to the same person so you're constantly drilling. A lot of times I will turn on people that I don't like. Pro tip, throw in a little bit of politics so you can learn a bit. The second part of learning is get a book, download a book, listen to or read 10 pages to one chapter, whichever is longer, every single day.
• 20:56
  The T is for training. The L is for learning. Learning is podcasts and books. But I don't have time. Make time. I don't want to hear excuses. These things will help you. I promise you. You expand your mind. You will expand your being. C. T-L-C. C stands for learning.
• 21:22
  I messed with this a little bit, counseling, coaching. It can be therapy, it can be a coach, but you need to meet with somebody. And remember, you don't have to pay for it. You can go on the YouTube, find Zig Ziglar. You can get things that people that mentor you, but,
• 21:48
  I highly recommend it to be a counselor. You can go to BetterHelp. Almost every insurance pays for this. So I have a counselor and a coach. I would prefer you do both. Notice it should be TLC squared because each individual thing I gave you, two things to do. So counseling and coaching. Counseling is to go talk to somebody
• 22:18
  Coaching is someone who will absolutely hold you accountable. I use both. TLC, people. And if you're not sure who or how, email me, kelly at hotterthanlife.com. And I will resend this all to you. And I will send you to people. I know coaches, therapists, coaches.
• 22:41
  Books, I will do a whole thing, a whole skit, a whole playbook for this for you because I now am paying it forward and going to protect all of you. But you got to do the work. Those of you that stay through this whole thing, I see you. And you're courageous. You are harder than life. And I salute you.
• 23:06
  Guys, I don't think I'm going to have to tell you to share this one. This was real raw relevant. If you want to see more, follow us on YouTube. Follow us on iTunes. Follow us on Spotify. Because we're only just getting started. I love you. Till next week. Be harder than life.
• 23:26
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.