Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Confidence Without Validation (S5) S7:E6

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Confidence Without Validation (S5) S7:E6 · Inspirations for Your Life

0:06
Well, hey everyone, it is John C.
0:09
Morley here, serial entrepreneur.
0:11
It's great to be with you once again
0:13
on the Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:17
I hope everybody is having an amazing evening
0:21
and yeah, we're gonna go ahead and kick
0:24
the show off.
0:25
So I'll be right back and I look
0:27
forward to seeing you in just one, two,
0:30
and three.
0:36
Well, hey
0:57
everyone, it is John C.
0:58
Morley here, serial entrepreneur.
1:00
It's great to be with you on the
1:01
Inspirations for Your Life show.
1:02
Thank you so much for stopping by.
1:04
If this is your first time here, definitely
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wanna say welcome and thank you for being
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here.
1:09
If you have been here many times before,
1:11
of course, you know what I wanna say
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to you.
1:13
I wanna say welcome back.
1:14
It's always great to have people that enjoy
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1:20
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whatever have you and come on back to
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Don't forget to check out believemeachieved.com for
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more of my, of course, amazing, inspiring creations.
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This is a really great show.
1:36
Tonight, we always have great shows, you know
1:38
that.
1:38
Confidence without validation.
1:41
I welcome everyone to Inspirations for Your Life.
1:43
I'm John C.
1:44
Morley, serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer,
1:48
podcast host, coach, keynote speaker, graduate student, and
1:51
yes, guys, a passionate lifelong learner.
1:54
And it's my privilege and my pleasure and
1:55
honor to be with you guys this evening.
1:57
This week's theme is all about from fear
2:00
to forward, choosing light, clarity, and momentum.
2:04
Today's episode is all about confidence without validation.
2:08
We're on series five, show seven, episode number
2:12
six, and learning to stand steady without waiting
2:15
for permission, approval, or even an agreement, because
2:19
I know a lot of people get stuck
2:20
in this phase of their lives, unfortunately.
2:22
So number one is without permission, real confidence
2:26
begins when you stop asking to be allowed.
2:29
And I think that people understand that they
2:32
won't always be seeking permission every time they
2:35
do something.
2:36
I think sometimes that holds people back and
2:38
they're like, oh, I don't know what I
2:39
want to do.
2:39
I don't know how to do what I
2:40
want to do, because you're always looking for
2:43
permission, so you never try anything new.
2:45
Number two, guys, why validation is optional.
2:50
Validation can support you, but it should never
2:52
lead you.
2:54
And I think sometimes when people don't get
2:55
that pat on the back, they don't get
2:57
the validation, like, I don't know what I'm
2:59
supposed to do.
3:00
I don't feel like people believe in me.
3:03
Don't worry about that, do it anyway.
3:06
Number three, guys, learning to approve yourself.
3:10
See, self-approval creates emotional stability.
3:13
I don't know if you know that.
3:14
And so when we understand what that is,
3:17
I think that can make a huge difference
3:19
in our lives.
3:20
So that's a very, very important thing to
3:23
understand.
3:24
And I want to make sure that you
3:25
all understand that, all right?
3:27
Number four, guys, number four is all about
3:30
how internal confidence stabilizes life.
3:33
Inner confidence reduces external chaos.
3:35
And maybe you're saying to me, John, I
3:37
don't believe that.
3:39
Well, I'm here to tell you that this
3:40
is the truth.
3:41
And the more you believe it, the more
3:43
you're actually gonna see it.
3:44
And if you don't believe it, it's gonna
3:46
rear itself in the back and you're gonna
3:49
be like, oh my gosh.
3:51
Number five, why confidence doesn't require agreement.
3:55
You don't need a consensus to move forward,
3:58
you don't.
3:59
You can be successful, you can change your
4:02
path very, very easily.
4:04
But what you can't do is be untruthful
4:09
to yourself.
4:09
I think a lot of people do that.
4:11
They don't even start.
4:13
I said to you that in order to
4:14
be successful, you have to take the first
4:16
step, right?
4:16
A journey starts with one step, but you
4:20
can't start unless you take the step.
4:23
And I've said before, you don't have to
4:25
be great in this world, okay?
4:31
To start, but you have to start to
4:33
be great.
4:34
Number six, guys, quiet confidence versus the loud
4:38
certainty.
4:39
Quiet confidence doesn't need to convince anyone.
4:43
It's there for you.
4:44
It's there for building your confidence.
4:47
And people then take note of what is
4:51
not ostentatious, what is subtle.
4:54
Number seven, confidence through consistency.
4:56
Consistency reinforces belief over time, not once.
5:03
But over time, we build up this impact
5:08
and this impact becomes pretty great.
5:11
And thus, we're able to figure out, wow,
5:13
I'm really pretty amazing.
5:15
And I think these are things that a
5:17
lot of people, like I don't think people
5:19
get that.
5:21
So that's a very important thing I wanna
5:23
point out to all of you.
5:25
And I hope that you'll be able to
5:27
understand why I'm saying this, maybe not today,
5:30
maybe tomorrow, or maybe someday in the future.
5:33
And you'll be like, wait a minute, John,
5:34
I get this now.
5:35
I actually understand like why you were saying
5:37
that.
5:37
But maybe you didn't get it all up
5:38
front, right?
5:39
Maybe you didn't get it all up front.
5:41
And there's nothing wrong with not getting it
5:42
up front, but getting it is the most
5:45
important thing, all right?
5:46
Getting it is the most important thing.
5:51
Why self-belief grows privately.
5:53
True confidence is built when no one is
5:55
watching.
5:56
I've said this before.
5:57
We have to be our best self, not
6:00
just when people are watching, but even when
6:02
no one's watching, but that's when our character
6:05
and our true personality are shaped.
6:07
Really, really important.
6:10
Number nine, guys, how to detach from external
6:13
opinions.
6:14
Detachment protects your emotional balance.
6:16
I think I've said this before.
6:18
When we think about attachment, we're talking about
6:20
the fact that we're able to do something
6:25
because we've de-charged it, okay?
6:30
And when we de-charge something, it's like,
6:33
oh, wow.
6:33
Things have really, really changed because our perception
6:38
changes, when our energy changes, and we realize
6:42
we're not being controlled by that anymore.
6:44
We have to mentally detach from things, and
6:49
physically too.
6:51
And so when we do this, we're able
6:53
to basically get our life in check.
6:57
Sometimes our life falls out of check because,
7:00
well, we're attaching to things that are actually
7:03
not in alignment with who we are and
7:05
what our core values are.
7:06
I think that is the most important thing
7:08
that I wanna share with everybody here tonight.
7:11
Number 10, confidence as grounded presence.
7:16
Grounded presence communicates confidence instantaneously.
7:21
Somebody who's grounded will be like somebody's most
7:26
interesting thing because they wanna know how they
7:30
got that way.
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And I wanna say to you that it's
7:40
about one thing.
7:45
It's about your core values.
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It's about what you stand for in life.
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And knowing that, I believe will set you
8:02
up for success.
8:04
Now, it might not happen right away, but
8:07
what you're gonna find is that success doesn't
8:10
happen by loud things.
8:13
Success happens subtly and you grow into it.
8:17
I used to think that success was like
8:18
this big thing, you just get pulled in.
8:21
No, success happens gradually.
8:24
And then the small steps that you take,
8:25
it's like, well, that seems easier, that's easier,
8:29
and that's easy.
8:29
And then it's like, suddenly you just notice
8:31
a little change and then suddenly like, wow,
8:33
all these changes, that was a major thing.
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No, it wasn't a major thing.
8:35
There were subtle changes that happened along the
8:38
way.
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Number 11, why confidence isn't arrogance?
8:42
Confidence is secure, arrogance is defensive.
8:46
Depending on who you talk to, a lot
8:49
of people believe that in order to be
8:51
successful, you have to be arrogant.
8:53
I wanna disagree.
8:54
You need to be confident.
8:57
Sometimes people think confidence and arrogance go hand
9:01
in hand.
9:01
They shouldn't go hand in hand.
9:04
All right, I think that's a big point
9:05
that I wanna share with everybody here tonight
9:07
is that if you're noticing that success is
9:11
all part of arrogance, you're hanging around the
9:14
wrong people.
9:15
Are they successful?
9:16
They may be, but they're doing it the
9:18
wrong way.
9:20
And chances are they could fall just as
9:23
quickly as they rose, just being honest.
9:26
Number 12, guys, standing firm without defensiveness.
9:30
Strength doesn't need justification.
9:33
It really doesn't.
9:35
It's a quiet inner voice that lets you
9:38
move forward.
9:39
It's a quiet inner voice that lets you
9:43
move forward.
9:45
And the quiet voice speaks very softly because
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it's in alignment with who you are.
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And when you do that, you'll see that
10:01
you are not being chaotic.
10:04
You're being calm, collective.
10:06
You're able to think better.
10:08
And things just naturally flow.
10:12
When there's chaos, it's like, you're trying to
10:15
push water up a stream.
10:16
We all know pushing water up a stream,
10:18
that's very hard.
10:20
But letting water flow down a stream, that's
10:25
pretty easy to do, right?
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Pretty, pretty easy to do.
10:30
I think a lot of people realize this.
10:39
And that's something that maybe you've thought about
10:41
before.
10:48
Maybe, maybe you've thought about that.
10:50
Maybe you haven't.
10:52
But I think one of the big things
10:53
you have to realize is that life is
10:56
about choices.
10:59
And if other people are saying, oh, you
11:00
have to be loud, you have to be
11:02
boisterous.
11:03
As I said to you, that might get
11:04
you some attention, but it's also gonna quickly
11:08
get you to lose respect.
11:12
This happens in social media, this happens in
11:14
real life.
11:15
We have to come, I'm gonna call it
11:18
the game, into life with a subtle approach.
11:23
Not one that's gonna manipulate or connive or
11:27
deceive others.
11:29
We have to come out with our true
11:31
self.
11:31
And then when people see the true self
11:32
and they see that we're acting that way
11:33
over and over again, guess what they wanna
11:34
do?
11:35
They wanna engage with us.
11:37
Number 13, why self-trust is magnetic.
11:42
People trust those who trust themselves.
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I bet you never thought of that before.
11:48
That's very true.
11:49
People trust those who trust themselves.
11:56
And if we think about that for just
11:57
a minute, when somebody trusts themselves, it's like,
12:03
wow.
12:04
It's like, all right, this person's got their
12:07
whole act together.
12:08
There's somebody I wanna hang around.
12:10
All right?
12:12
A person's not getting up on a microphone
12:14
and screaming that they're successful.
12:18
They're doing it quietly.
12:20
They don't have anything to prove.
12:26
Number 14, guys, confidence through preparation.
12:31
Preparation replaces anxiety with certainty.
12:37
When we know how to prepare, we've learned
12:40
something pretty important.
12:41
You know what that is?
12:43
That's the fact that we understand what life
12:47
is about.
12:48
We understand that sometimes in life, you know,
12:52
we get thrown curve balls.
12:53
Well, maybe more than once, right?
12:55
And it's our job to figure out how
12:57
to catch that ball, not get hit with
12:59
it, figure out how to deflect it, or
13:02
figure out how to redirect the ball so
13:05
that ball can actually be used as a
13:08
strength in our path of success.
13:12
Number 15, why approval seeking drains energy?
13:17
Seeking approval leaks focus and power.
13:20
When I was younger, I used to think
13:21
that I can't do anything until somebody approves
13:23
me.
13:24
I was waiting for that cheerleader, right?
13:28
But I realized after many years that the
13:31
only person I need to really impress is
13:34
myself.
13:36
There's no need to impress others because once
13:38
I've impressed myself, people are gonna wanna get
13:41
to know who I am and what I
13:43
do.
13:46
Being quiet with a big stick.
13:49
And what I mean by the big stick
13:50
is the big stick is your ambition.
13:53
It's your core values.
13:57
You carry the big stick very softly, but
14:01
very sincerely.
14:03
And it gets around of what you stand
14:07
for and who you are.
14:08
I think that's a very important thing, guys.
14:11
Number 15, why approval seeking drains energy?
14:15
But I wanna tell you one other thing
14:16
about this.
14:18
Leaking focus is a problem, not just one
14:22
day.
14:23
It's a problem all the time if we
14:26
don't pay attention to it.
14:29
Number 16, internal validation is strength.
14:32
Self-validation creates resilience.
14:36
When we believe in ourselves, other people believe
14:40
in us.
14:42
When we believe in ourself, other people believe
14:45
in us.
14:49
But it's not something we do just once.
14:53
It's something we do over and over and
14:55
over again.
15:04
I think sometimes we all get anxious and
15:11
we sacrifice our core values because we're afraid
15:16
we might not get the other way.
15:17
We're afraid we might not get the other
15:17
opportunity.
15:18
But the truth of the matter is, the
15:19
other opportunity will come to us if we're
15:23
patient and if we're living our true values.
15:26
Because that other opportunity might not necessarily be
15:29
the best one for us.
15:33
Let nature flow, let water flow down a
15:36
hill.
15:37
Don't try to have water flow up a
15:39
hill.
15:40
It never works.
15:41
Number 17, confidence without comparison.
15:45
Comparison weakens confidence.
15:47
Yes, it does.
15:48
The only person you should be comparing yourself
15:50
to, yourself from another day.
15:54
But never compare yourself to another person.
15:57
They're all at different points in their life.
16:00
And these different points, I think, make a
16:02
big difference.
16:05
But I realize that they could cause people
16:08
to get frustrated, people to somehow give up,
16:12
or maybe to become frustrated on where they're
16:17
going or what their path is about.
16:20
It happens.
16:22
So this is why I think it's very
16:24
important to know who you are, to know
16:27
your core values, and to know that you're
16:29
not going to compromise them just because life
16:34
is getting tough or it's getting challenging.
16:38
Number 18, guys.
16:40
Why confidence simplifies choices.
16:43
Confidence removes hesitation.
16:45
Yep, it sure does.
16:47
It removes hesitation, and when it removes hesitation,
16:51
we feel better inside.
16:54
Other people start to know that we are
16:57
more than just, well, something that is there.
17:09
And by there, I mean something that might
17:11
not be in alignment with even who we
17:14
are.
17:20
And that's not something you figure out overnight,
17:22
guys.
17:24
It's something that you learn over time.
17:34
That's pretty cool.
17:39
And if you could know that what you're
17:43
standing for is your true value, your true
17:46
core, then that could change, again, the person
17:52
that you actually are, the person that you
17:58
actually are.
18:03
And that's a difference that some people just
18:08
don't quite align with.
18:11
Because again, they're rushing.
18:15
Number 19, trusting your judgment.
18:19
Your judgment will sharpen with use, just like
18:24
your confidence sharpens with use.
18:27
So don't get dismayed because somebody is at
18:32
a different point than you in life.
18:34
Don't get dismayed about that.
18:38
Your journey is your journey for a reason.
18:41
Everyone else's journey is theirs, and we shouldn't
18:43
compare our journey to someone else's.
18:46
Number 20, confidence through alignment.
18:51
Aligned values produce steady confidence.
18:54
So you see why I said core values
18:57
are so important.
18:58
They're key to us becoming a better version
19:02
of ourselves.
19:04
But it's not a light switch.
19:07
It's an evolution to becoming a different person,
19:15
to realizing that what you do today should
19:21
carry forward tomorrow and the rest of your
19:23
life.
19:24
Of course, you can tweak it and make
19:25
it better, but you shouldn't take shortcuts because
19:28
you think that's gonna get you to the
19:30
finish line quicker, right?
19:34
If you're in a marathon and somebody cut
19:36
across the park, that would be cheating and
19:39
they'd be eliminated.
19:42
If you do that in your own life,
19:44
is it cheating?
19:45
Yes.
19:46
Is somebody gonna catch you?
19:47
Probably, but maybe not.
19:50
It doesn't mean it's okay to do it.
19:52
I've said to you, just because you can
19:53
do something doesn't mean you should.
19:58
And traversing across the park, it's not something
20:01
you should do because it'd be cheating.
20:05
And compromising who you are and your core
20:08
values is also not something you should do
20:10
just because of something that seems better, like
20:12
money or some other fame, because those are
20:16
gonna keep living if you're not being who
20:19
you truly are.
20:21
Number 21, why inner certainty feels calm.
20:25
Calm is confidence at rest.
20:29
Calm is confidence at rest.
20:31
And when we can understand that thing, we
20:37
can suddenly get a new perception of how
20:43
the world looks, of how we show up
20:46
in it.
20:46
But if we're not calm, this will never,
20:49
ever happen, guys.
20:50
Never, never, never.
20:53
Number 22, confidence and restraint.
20:56
Knowing when not to react is confidence.
21:00
People always say, you better do something.
21:02
Sometimes the best thing to do, guys, is
21:04
to do nothing.
21:08
Confidence, that's an important one that I think
21:15
everybody needs to understand.
21:18
A very important one that I think a
21:21
lot of people need to know.
21:26
And if you know that, then maybe you'll
21:30
change the way you do things.
21:35
Just maybe.
21:37
I'm not saying it's gonna be easier overnight,
21:39
but what I am gonna tell you is
21:41
that you will change the way you go
21:46
about your life.
21:49
You will evolve differently.
21:51
You will gain different insights.
21:55
Why?
21:57
Because you are seeing the world through a
22:03
different viewpoint, a different perspective, a different lens.
22:10
Number 23, guys, why self-respect fuels confidence.
22:14
Self-respect sustains belief.
22:18
One of the most important things I always
22:19
teach people is that you've gotta have respect
22:21
for yourself.
22:22
You've gotta have respect for others.
22:23
Even if you don't believe in what they're
22:25
doing, you've gotta have respect.
22:30
You've got to.
22:31
It's not negotiable.
22:32
Number 24, confidence without performance.
22:36
You don't need to perform to be confident.
22:40
You don't need to perform to be confident.
22:50
Number 25, why confidence improves boundaries.
22:54
Confidence strengthens boundaries naturally, not in an egotistical
23:00
way or a rude manner, but in a
23:03
way that shows people, this is what I
23:05
stand for.
23:05
This is who I am.
23:08
These are my core values.
23:10
If you like them, great.
23:11
If you don't, well, there's the door.
23:13
You can leave.
23:16
I think some people are like, oh my
23:17
gosh, if I don't bend, then I'm gonna
23:18
lose this friend.
23:19
That person was never a friend anyway.
23:21
They were never there to help you.
23:23
You just had an illusion that they were
23:24
your friend.
23:28
Number 26, standing tall without explaining.
23:33
Explanation is not always required.
23:34
I know when I was younger, I always
23:35
say, you know what?
23:36
I've gotta explain this to somebody so they
23:37
get it.
23:39
Then as I got older, I said, why
23:40
do I have to explain it?
23:42
Was I explaining it so I felt better?
23:44
Did I feel like, you know, I made
23:47
a big change because of that?
23:50
A lot of times there was stress because
23:53
I was explaining things.
23:56
And if I would have just let them
23:57
go, people would have just moved on.
24:03
When I was trying to do the right
24:04
thing, by doing the right thing, I caused
24:06
myself more stress when I was younger.
24:08
That's important.
24:10
Number 27, confidence in your pace.
24:13
Your pace doesn't need validation.
24:16
Nope.
24:17
You don't need somebody to say, oh, you're
24:18
on the right pace.
24:19
You're on the right speed.
24:21
Nope.
24:21
You do not need that.
24:25
You do not need validation.
24:28
What you do need, guys, is you need
24:30
respect.
24:33
You need respect.
24:38
You need respect.
24:47
And if we can walk a way that
24:52
earns us respect without getting us to lose
24:55
who we are, that's the key.
25:11
That is the key, guys.
25:15
It's not a quick thing.
25:30
And I know that a lot of you
25:31
are saying, well, John, it's not going quick
25:33
enough.
25:47
We have to trust ourself.
25:57
And by trusting ourself, we gain clarity.
26:08
Maybe something we didn't know that existed, but
26:11
we gain clarity.
26:14
Why confidence grows with integrity?
26:16
Integrity reinforces the inner belief.
26:18
Number 28.
26:19
I think the more we understand that, the
26:21
more we'll be successful.
26:23
Number 29.
26:24
Believing without broadcasting.
26:26
Confidence doesn't announce itself, nor should we have
26:29
to either.
26:30
What we do in secret, what we do
26:32
privately gets rewarded.
26:37
Number 30, guys.
26:38
Confidence as emotional stability.
26:41
Emotional stability is the highest form of confidence
26:45
that anyone can achieve.
26:48
But sometimes people think they've got confidence emotionally,
26:51
but then it's not truly built up.
26:55
It's not grounded.
26:57
And then they're like, oops.
26:59
And it wasn't a mistake.
27:01
It was that they rushed into something too
27:03
quickly by not properly building emotional stability.
27:09
Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to please
27:12
check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for more of my
27:14
amazing, inspiring creations.
27:17
You can get my short form content, my
27:18
long form content, accessible 24 hours a day
27:22
from your computer, and of course, your smart
27:24
devices.
27:25
Ladies and gentlemen, I also invite you to
27:26
choose self-trust, to choose steadiness, and keep
27:30
moving from fear to forward.
27:32
Because when we are still, we either basically
27:39
are stagnant and do nothing, or we relapse.
27:43
So let's keep moving forward in a positive
27:45
direction to help ourselves and in turn, that'll
27:49
help others.
27:50
Again, ladies and gentlemen, please check out BelieveMeAchieved
27:52
.com.
27:53
We'll wrap up this entire series tomorrow.
27:55
That'll be Friday.
27:56
Have yourself a great one and feel free
27:57
to go back to BelieveMeAchieved.com to catch
28:00
these shows again and watch them.
28:01
They're powerful.