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Aftermath: How to Rebuild after religious cult experience by Regina Crosby · Rock My Finances

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  Speaker 1: Unless specifically indicated otherwise. The content expressed or my views only,
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  Speaker 1: and not necessarily those of Life Co Asset Management LLC.
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  Speaker 1: The content presented is in no way in investment advice,
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  Speaker 1: so licination, or an offer to sell securities or investment
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  Speaker 1: advisory services. The material is provided for general information and
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  Speaker 1: educational purposes based upon publicly available information from sources believed
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  Speaker 1: to be reliable. I cannot assure the accuracy or completeness
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  Speaker 1: of these materials. As such, the information in these materials
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  Speaker 1: may change at any time without notice. Reference to these
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  Speaker 1: discussions about eels and annuities are fixed insurance products. Investments
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  Speaker 1: on fixed insurance products are different from investments in the
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  Speaker 1: stock market, and the guarantees provided by a fixed insurance
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  Speaker 1: product cannot be assumed to be guaranteed for any other investment.
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  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock my Finances show on k for
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  Speaker 2: HD radio and Talk for TV, where we put the
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  Speaker 2: fund in finance. Join Powerhouse Jeffer Jos CDFA CMC and
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  Speaker 2: Private Wealth Advisor as she collaborates with you to create clarity,
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  Speaker 2: control and confidence with your money, your way. It's not
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  Speaker 2: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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  Speaker 2: find out Now, here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer jose.
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  Speaker 1: S up back again. Hello, Okay, I am so excited
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  Speaker 1: about today. So Regina actually is my beautiful guest, my
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  Speaker 1: good friend, and she's just got me the voice Liberator.
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, that's so cool. I need to buy
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  Speaker 1: that orl don't anybody buy that out there, because I'm
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  Speaker 1: gonna try to buy that later today. Of course I
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  Speaker 1: have to learn how to spell liberator. Anyways, I am
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  Speaker 1: so excited today. I as y'all. If you don't know,
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  Speaker 1: go listen to my other podcasts. But I've been through
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  Speaker 1: hell and back, and so when I meet someone for
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  Speaker 1: the heck of it, for God intervention, for the universe,
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  Speaker 1: putting this beautiful woman in my path, I get so excited.
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  Speaker 1: So let me just share with you. I was on
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  Speaker 1: one of those online things when COVID hit, because you're
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  Speaker 1: sitting at your desk and you go on online things
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  Speaker 1: when COVID hits, and we were in this program and
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  Speaker 1: Regina reached out to me and said, are you in finance?
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  Speaker 1: I want to learn more about finance. I'm like, uh yeah,
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  Speaker 1: and by the way, I'm badass at it. And the
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  Speaker 1: guru and if you're a woman, I want to talk
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  Speaker 1: to you. So we like totally connected through this online program.
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  Speaker 1: I was in San Diego at the time, and so
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  Speaker 1: Regina's like, let's meet I'm like, oh, not only do
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  Speaker 1: I get to meet you, but we have drinks and
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  Speaker 1: appetizers and cucktails. Right. So then we met at the
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  Speaker 1: restaurant on the Water, which was amaze balls because it
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  Speaker 1: got me out of my house and learning San Diego
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  Speaker 1: a little bit. You were so real from the moment
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  Speaker 1: that I freaking met you. I think you retired from
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  Speaker 1: a shoot. She's also I'm gonna let her tell you
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  Speaker 1: everything how bad she is. But it was so great
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  Speaker 1: to meet her, and we just clicked immediately. We clicked
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  Speaker 1: like we've been friends ever since, Like I've kidnapped her,
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  Speaker 1: We've gone to Vegas, like like this is it? Like
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  Speaker 1: it's just one of those people that you meet and
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  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, we're gonna be friends for life. You
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  Speaker 1: might hate me a few of the times, I might
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  Speaker 1: hate you, We're gonna be friends for life. So I
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  Speaker 1: want to share with you. She is being very vulnerable today.
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  Speaker 1: Isn't she gorgeous? She's so gorgeous. If you guys are
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  Speaker 1: listening to a podcast. Jump on YouTube for rock my
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  Speaker 1: finances because she is absolutely stunning. So besides that, you're
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  Speaker 1: going to get a great story, You're going to feel
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  Speaker 1: really good, and this is going to be one of
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  Speaker 1: those things that you're going to remember. So I'm looking
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  Speaker 1: forward to it. And since I'm the voice, what am
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  Speaker 1: I liberate? But right? Okay, awesome, Miss Regina diegad? Who
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  Speaker 1: are you? What do you do? Where do you live?
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  Speaker 1: Tell me a little about the basics.
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  Speaker 3: My name is Regina, and i'd meet all you guys.
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  Speaker 3: I recently moved up to North Hollywood became at LA person.
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  Speaker 3: That was a dream that died a long time ago,
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  Speaker 3: so and.
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  Speaker 1: I sparked it. She sparked it. What I do?
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  Speaker 4: I own a photography company and a corporate production company.
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  Speaker 1: So I don't even know what that means you, but
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  Speaker 1: that's okay.
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  Speaker 3: So I make people look pretty and help people make
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  Speaker 3: money off of looking pretty.
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  Speaker 1: Oh, we like money. We like money businesses, that's what
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  Speaker 1: I do, commercials, all that stuff. Like I can tell you.
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  Speaker 1: She flies all over and does these shoots. I'm like,
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  Speaker 1: where are you going? I don't know, I'm going to
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  Speaker 1: what Arizona was one.
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  Speaker 4: I've gone to Europe, I've gone Mexico, I've gone.
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  Speaker 1: All over this, all over the place, and oh I'm
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  Speaker 1: shooting this, I'm shooting that. I'm like, oh my god,
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  Speaker 1: I'm gonna go. Can I like just carry your tripod
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  Speaker 1: or something, because I don't know what hell I'm doing,
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  Speaker 1: but it's so great. So I just love hearing about
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  Speaker 1: everything that she's doing and then the production company with
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  Speaker 1: commercials and helping businesses and she's crazy busy, but it's
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  Speaker 1: really fun to connect with her on a human level. Yes,
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  Speaker 1: I love, love love it. So tell me a little
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  Speaker 1: bit about We met around money because we like finance
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  Speaker 1: and we like money, right, and so she's done a
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  Speaker 1: lot of my coaching stuff. She's done a lot of
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  Speaker 1: my mindset around money. Tell me one thing that you
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  Speaker 1: learned maybe from me or the mindset around money, something
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  Speaker 1: that maybe shifted you a little bit. And I know
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  Speaker 1: I'm throwing you on the spot right here to think
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  Speaker 1: I do that.
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  Speaker 3: Connecting feelings with money, oh the bars, because yeah, I was.
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  Speaker 4: Very all jacked up in that arena.
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  Speaker 3: So just like little shows like feelings and the connection
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  Speaker 3: to it and making sure you're bringing fun into the mix.
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  Speaker 1: But also, yeah, like not just being as like rigid.
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  Speaker 1: I love that, So I'm going to change those words
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  Speaker 1: because that's what I do. The rigid means really masculine,
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  Speaker 1: and jacked up means the masculine way as well. So
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  Speaker 1: women step into this financial services industry and we think
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  Speaker 1: that we're jacked up and we feel like we're crazy
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  Speaker 1: because their mind works differently than we do. When we
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  Speaker 1: look at something, we look at the spider web of
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  Speaker 1: how if I do a how's it going to affect
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  Speaker 1: everyone else in my life and me in the future.
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  Speaker 1: Men don't do that. They're amazing. They're great at category categorizing.
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  Speaker 1: They're great at just doing one thing at one time
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  Speaker 1: and dealing with that one thing. We don't do that,
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  Speaker 1: So we have to think about money differently. So I
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  Speaker 1: love that you fell right into my little what's my
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  Speaker 1: tagline is the F word baby feelings. That is what
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  Speaker 1: we have to look at, is our feelings around money.
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  Speaker 1: So that's awesome. Thank you so much, thank you. Hello come,
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  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love her. She's so awesome. So
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  Speaker 1: now one more little secret. We went to this convention
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  Speaker 1: a while back and they kind of had to drag
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  Speaker 1: us off the dance floor because Regina and I were
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  Speaker 1: like the last ones on the freaking dance floor without alcohol.
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  Speaker 1: I might mind you, I don't need we don't need
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  Speaker 1: the alcohol. We do need the music and the floor.
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  Speaker 1: Like it was hilarious. Everybody's all in these couples and
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  Speaker 1: they're all doing all this professional stuff and we're like, damn,
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  Speaker 1: We're like out there like nope, we don't care. We
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  Speaker 1: don't care. We're getting our groove on. It was so fun.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my god.
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  Speaker 1: So I just told her we have to go dancing again.
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  Speaker 1: So she's got a spot here in La that We're
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  Speaker 1: going to go to a speakeasy and go dancing. I
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  Speaker 1: can't wait. I love it. Okay, tell me a little
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  Speaker 1: bit about your childhood growing up, mom, dad, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles.
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  Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit about that.
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  Speaker 3: Man, just a little so I'm going to make it
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  Speaker 3: really short and simple, but you go. Growing up, I
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  Speaker 3: had both parents home, Okay, However, I had like no
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  Speaker 3: relationship with my dad.
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  Speaker 1: With my mom.
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  Speaker 3: When I would try to speak up, it was like
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  Speaker 3: not my child, and just really high extreme expectations, not extreme,
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  Speaker 3: but just expectations for you know, someone being really young,
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  Speaker 3: and I was made fun a lot of but I
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  Speaker 3: would never ever let anyone know it hurt me.
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  Speaker 4: I was like, we're going to go with the flu
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  Speaker 4: with this whatever.
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  Speaker 3: So you know, I felt like I kind of created
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  Speaker 3: my own world because you know, at home, I couldn't
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  Speaker 3: really show up in public.
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  Speaker 1: I did, but it was like I was the weird one.
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  Speaker 3: But then when I tried to acclimate to being the
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  Speaker 3: cool one, you know, dating the jock and being the
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  Speaker 3: cool kind of like this sucks, Like being cool like sucked.
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  Speaker 1: It was so like you had.
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  Speaker 3: To like be a certain I was like, this is
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  Speaker 3: not me, and so yeah it was. I mean I
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  Speaker 3: had fun in my own right. I also knew how
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  Speaker 3: to just be intentional if I wanted to meet people,
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  Speaker 3: wanted to build relationships, so I knew how to go
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  Speaker 3: and get what I wanted. But I also there's just
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  Speaker 3: a lot of like communication and like emotional aspects that
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  Speaker 3: were just not nurtured. So it was just like, okay, whatever,
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  Speaker 3: you figure it out and.
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  Speaker 1: You just do what you do what you gotta do
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  Speaker 1: and to get through.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So okay, so I'm hearing again my words. You tell
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  Speaker 1: me if I'm crazy. So when you I love that.
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  Speaker 1: You said that you created your own little world to
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  Speaker 1: be able to survive. So that means patterns. Yeah, okay,
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  Speaker 1: And so didn't know your dad?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, like my dad was like okay, literally, my dad
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  Speaker 3: would just be like I'd wear a cute skirt and
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  Speaker 3: I didn't know that I was an attractive young girl.
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  Speaker 1: Like there was just no communication. She still doesn't know
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  Speaker 1: how attractive.
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  Speaker 3: There's like, you know, I was just developed and tall.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't know.
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  Speaker 4: I just like whatever.
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  Speaker 3: And so whenever i'd like wear a cute skirt, my
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  Speaker 3: dad would go nuts and I'm like, dude, chill out.
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  Speaker 1: Like crazy, like what is wrong with you? And I'm like,
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  Speaker 1: okay whatever, And that was his Did you get to
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  Speaker 1: wear the skirt?
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  Speaker 3: No?
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  Speaker 1: Oh so you said, all right, I'm changing the skirt whatever.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you know, yeah, anyways, it was just.
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  Speaker 1: But you didn't communication. Well why Yeah, they didn't tell
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  Speaker 1: me you love me, dammit. Okay they didn't do that
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  Speaker 1: back then. No, yeah, anyways, yeah they did not do that.
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  Speaker 1: But oh my god, I love that. Okay. So so
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  Speaker 1: you look my words again, so you correct me. You
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  Speaker 1: learned how to stifle your voice. Stifle is like a
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  Speaker 1: old word, but you learned how to suppress it or
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  Speaker 1: change it to fit into wherever you're at, or just
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  Speaker 1: move on.
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  Speaker 4: I learned and how to just figure stuff.
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  Speaker 1: Out to make everyone happy, to be able to move
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  Speaker 1: forward to.
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  Speaker 4: I guess make people happy.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know if I was trying to make people happy.
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  Speaker 4: I think I was just trying to.
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  Speaker 1: You're not a people pleaser.
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  Speaker 3: I was people pleaser, but really, but like, I don't know,
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  Speaker 3: I was just like, Okay, okay, if I'm not getting
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  Speaker 3: my needs met, I have to figure out.
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  Speaker 1: At least you knew you had needs. Yeah, so that's
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  Speaker 1: pretty good for being young and knowing that you have
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  Speaker 1: I'm not getting my ship met, and I'm gonna move
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  Speaker 1: on and I'm gonna do something different to get that met. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. I love that. Okay, So childhood parents
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  Speaker 1: still together.
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  Speaker 4: You're still married.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, there's a whole nother story there another podcast. We'll
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  Speaker 1: talk about that. Okay, So they're still married, and now
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  Speaker 1: who are you inside the family? Do you have a
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  Speaker 1: voice yet?
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  Speaker 4: Do I have a voice?
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  Speaker 1: I'm very I mean it was cool, so.
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  Speaker 4: And call it now.
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  Speaker 3: After college I was able to to talk to my
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  Speaker 3: dad and just kind of shoot straight with him, like dude,
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  Speaker 3: like you don't call me, you don't even ask how
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  Speaker 3: I'm doing, Like you know, you say you want this,
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  Speaker 3: you know I have like a Christian background, like you
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  Speaker 3: want this godly life.
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  Speaker 4: I'm like I don't want that. I was like your
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  Speaker 4: example was horrible, you know.
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  Speaker 3: So I just like we've just like I can be
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  Speaker 3: very direct with him and it's like we can fight
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  Speaker 3: and then like we're fine.
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  Speaker 1: So I love that.
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  Speaker 3: And then with my mom, it's more of like now
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  Speaker 3: like oh, like loving yourself and like speak up and
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  Speaker 3: great boundaries, like I'm the kid that's like confrontational, but
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  Speaker 3: like I love them.
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  Speaker 1: And then like they're just like that's just Regina. How
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  Speaker 1: often do you talk to them?
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  Speaker 3: I talk to my mom like every week, ok, couple
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  Speaker 3: of times. My dad he's always in his own dad.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's okay, awesome. I love that. Great boundaries.
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  Speaker 1: I remember doing that to my mom was like I
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  Speaker 1: took her to alan On when I was in high school.
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, I am over this. I took my home
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  Speaker 1: to alan On. She started setting boundaries, shit started changing.
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  Speaker 1: It was crazy. And then she's like, oh, you just
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  Speaker 1: gotta get out because you were just creating a way
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  Speaker 1: to trouble. You just gotta get out. So I moved
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  Speaker 1: out as soon as I graduate seventeen. Like She's like
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  Speaker 1: I did too.
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  Speaker 4: I was like out, yeah, yeah, I love.
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  Speaker 1: I was like, like I do have work. I love working. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: me too. I'm like with my own money, my own yeah.
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  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, so Luna literally loves Regina,
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  Speaker 1: like Luna has been bugging her this whole time since
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  Speaker 1: she got in. I'm so sorry. So if I show
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  Speaker 1: her in front of the camera, say hello, Luna, say hello, Okay,
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  Speaker 1: now go pay my goodness. Okay, she's never done that
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  Speaker 1: on a podcast. She loves you. Okay, So Luna's my cat,
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: y'all the podcasters. I just picked up my hairy gray
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  Speaker 1: cat and showed her in front of the video because
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  Speaker 1: she thinks she's on zoom. Okay. So now I love that.
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  Speaker 1: I love that. So now you have your your your parents,
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  Speaker 1: now speaking your voice. Now let's go back to high school.
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  Speaker 1: You said you didn't fit in. How was that? So?
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  Speaker 1: I was like my.
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  Speaker 3: Own person, Like, I mean, I always had friends because
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  Speaker 3: I love I love people like I always have. So
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  Speaker 3: and I played sports so I had my softball sports.
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  Speaker 3: I played softball and volleyball, so I had my softball girls.
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  Speaker 3: But then also some of those girls I went to
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  Speaker 3: elementary school, so I already known them. I just went
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  Speaker 3: to a private school for middle school, and then you know, I.
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  Speaker 4: Would just meet everyone.
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  Speaker 3: So I was friends with with people. But when it
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  Speaker 3: came to like, you know how that's like the clique.
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  Speaker 3: I am not a clique person, Like I don't like that, Like.
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  Speaker 1: You did not know high school as cliques, No, I know, like, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: high school is cliques. So yeah, so I'm like, you know,
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  Speaker 1: I had friends.
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  Speaker 3: You know, there are certain people like that would make
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  Speaker 3: fun of me, which is so sad, like that perspect
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  Speaker 3: end up dying. He would like sit across from me
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  Speaker 3: in science and just talk so much crap like what like.
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  Speaker 4: I don't remember, but it was just mean and cool.
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  Speaker 1: What like what can I make fun of you about?
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  Speaker 4: I don't know. I was a nerd too, so oh you.
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  Speaker 1: Nerds, like you're smart, so jealousey actually really liked you
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  Speaker 1: whatever anyways, Okay.
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  Speaker 3: So it just was like okay, whatever, So I don't know,
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  Speaker 3: I just like I just I did.
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  Speaker 4: Me like I knew at a.
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  Speaker 1: Pretty young age.
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  Speaker 3: The whole cool crowd, cool crowd from like you know whatever.
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  Speaker 3: I just was like, that's not me, Like I'm sorry,
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  Speaker 3: but I'm not this like will be and okay, so
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  Speaker 3: how do we just show up and navigate and so whatever.
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  Speaker 4: That's how I did it.
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  Speaker 1: All right, stepping into graduating high school. Any relationships in
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  Speaker 1: your life, any love relationships?
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  Speaker 3: I dated just throughout every year at a point, Oh,
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  Speaker 3: She's like like that was quiet, y'all, but she had
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  Speaker 3: a man every year.
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  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah I did that.
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  Speaker 4: What sports?
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  Speaker 3: My mom always made sure it was doing good in school.
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  Speaker 3: At one point I wasn't, so she pulled me out.
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  Speaker 3: So I went to a smaller school where I finished
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  Speaker 3: college at like high school. I was doing high school
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  Speaker 3: and college at the same time.
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  Speaker 1: So oh that was so smart. Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: So like my mom was like, no, like you're this
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  Speaker 3: is I was in a public school, so she took
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  Speaker 3: me to a smaller one. So got you know, by
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  Speaker 3: the I went to College of as sophomore.
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  Speaker 1: Oh that's awesome. Yeah, like school nerd my own little
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  Speaker 1: world whatever, did the dating thing and.
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  Speaker 3: Just like did me had friends my mom knew and
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  Speaker 3: stuff been and be like yeah, you don't need me
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  Speaker 3: spending time with this girl.
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  Speaker 1: So she she was she.
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  Speaker 3: Was intentional, which I am grateful in that regard, because
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  Speaker 3: there'd be people that I would get involved with that
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  Speaker 3: just weren't like.
• 15:24
  Speaker 4: The path wasn't good.
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: So she did it in.
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: A very like, not like overbearing way, because she spent
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: a lot more of her energy on my sister, who
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: took a lot more work. So like with me, like
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: I wasn't as much work, but I still had needs.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: And did she make decisions for you.
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: When it came to like basic stuff like school.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: When I went to public school, that was my decision, okay,
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: but like school, basic things like that.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So did you learn how to make decisions for
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: yourself and fall on your ass and pick yourself up?
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: I feel like going to high school, well that like
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: that was a part of that. I mean I played.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: Sports, but there wasn't too much of that. It was
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know, like I just I don't know.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: I just did things.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: We just did what you were tru to do or
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: got in trouble. What's the worst thing you did in
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: high school?
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: I would I like, I think I like ditch class
• 16:27
  Speaker 4: for like a month.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: Well the teacher was like a jerk, and I like
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: threw it back in his space.
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: And then my mom found out.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: She's like what is this?
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: And I was like I don't like him, and you
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: was just like not okay with it?
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: I mean that's as bad as.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: That's a bad Okay, I love it. Okay. So now
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: moving on to college. You went to college.
• 16:47
  Speaker 4: Went to college?
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Where'd you go? Okay? Oh okay, I didn't even know that. Okay, Yeah,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: and how was that for you? Fun? It was great?
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: Like I had my girls, my roommates and call.
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: I joined a little bit of clubs. The only thing
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: is I was too young. I was seventeen. Yeah, so
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: I'm like I was a d D which I was
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: the Dedidard driver forever.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, this saw. I mean, of course I could.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: Drink, but like I just didn't like I was never
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: like this bad party person.
• 17:20
  Speaker 4: But I do like to have fun. But I just,
• 17:22
  Speaker 4: you know, whatever, So I was fair. I mean, I
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: went to school full time, probably worked full time at
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: the same time.
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: It's another relationship and just very much like this is
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: what I want to accomplish, do like very likely, so
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: very goal oriental, very goal orientistic, right, and then I
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: like met this woman that I was working with. But
• 17:42
  Speaker 3: before that, like I ran into this church because I
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: was like kind of visiting churches whatever. I don't think
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: churches are friendly, to be honest with you, but whatever.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: So because they're cliquie. Yeah, high school just fine. So
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: the way you grew up and go back to religion,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: you grew up as in religion in and growing up
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: and yeah we did church, okay, So you did church
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: on a regular basis growing up. Okay, So so you
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: were looking for churches. So I was looking for a church.
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: I was like I want to, you know, do this
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: goth thing whatever, like but for myself not you know whatever.
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: So I remember visiting one church and just like this
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: church is weird, like it just like like I was
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: not denominational, so all the other stuff don't really care about.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: And so I was like, oh, this church is weird.
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: So I didn't go back, but I was working and
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: one of the goals went there, which I didn't make
• 18:28
  Speaker 3: the connection at the time, and she was at the time,
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: I was in a relationship and I kind of was,
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: you know, setting up boundaries and you know, he was
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: bucking and we had the opportunity to go on a
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: cruise and I.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Didn't want to go. No, I didn't want to go.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: And she's like, you know, I had.
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: A child at seventeen and if you you know, I
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: really would advise you not to go, you know, you
• 18:52
  Speaker 3: know whatever. So I kind of was grateful, like, you know,
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: just sharing that.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: You know.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm not going to go, and she
• 18:57
  Speaker 3: like invited me in her home. And then now she's like, oh,
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: come to my church. And she has like these weird interns.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Not like they're weird, but I'm like, okay, that's weird.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: They're like in their twenties. Why the hell are they like,
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: like this is weird, not necessarily following her around, but
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: like why aren't they working or why aren't they in
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: corporate or just in you know this is that was
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: just my thought. Okay, So that was like that connection
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: to then finding this church now that I found myself
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: back at And yeah.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: So you started going to the church I did, and
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: working with the lady who introduced you to the church.
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was working at a step at a company
• 19:39
  Speaker 3: with her. Yeah, so how often did you see the
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: lady at work?
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Whenever we'd have ships. I don't know, okay. And then
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: how often did you go to the church, And was
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: it non denominational as well?
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: No, it was like some it was started by a
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: woman for square or whatever. So yeah, I'm like, okay, cool, whatever,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: basics are down. So I didn't really think too much
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: into it. I still thought like some of the things
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: that were there were just weird, Like what the intern thing,
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: just the way they would speak on the stage. I
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: thought it was just weird. And I was like, okay,
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: like just weird. So yeah, she introduced me to some
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: of the other young adults there and just kind of
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: slowly like bought that community aspect.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: And was it a lot of young people or was
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: it all ages when you would go to like I'm
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: thinking church Sunday service. Yeah, No, I feel like it
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: was a good about young people, okay. And was that weird?
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: I liked it. I was like, okay, cool, young your
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: vibe whatever. There.
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: There was not a big emphasis on higher education, and
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: that was something that when I look back, is very
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: important for Oh this doesn't sound mean, but like the
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: people I want to spend time with because it just
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: brings a different like dynamic to the table. Absolutely does
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: and that was something that I.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Noticed, but yeah, I just it didn't trigger your flag.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: I didn't trigger yet, Okay. But when it came to.
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: Stuff from the pool pit and like the like be
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: like not having an education, was almost like you don't
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: need that, I'm.
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: Like, so it's actually opposite. Yeah, may me two things? Yeah,
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: the opposite. And I'm like that's kind of weird. Okay, okay,
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: And then why did you I want to go you
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: know my F word feelings, yep, I want to go
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: down to the feelings of you already had some flags
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: if this is weird, this is not the normal church
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: environment that you grew up with. They're saying different things
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: that your ideals are education and they're not what kept
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: you there or kept you going back? What was the
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: feeling that you were attracted to?
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: So one was I was I think I had broken
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: up what the guy I was with, and so I
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: was like wanting.
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Vulnerable God and healing and like love, chickshit, chickshit. I
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: just want to be loved by someone. I always say,
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: I just want to and like so it was like,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, okay, I need to be healed.
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: Okay, pause. Number one, I was fine for studying a boundary.
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: There was no healing that I needed. I just need
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: to keep going and moving on and knowing, Okay, someone
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: can't respect your boundaries, then you move on.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, So that was not wrong. And then two, I think.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: For me, having the community was like fun, Like I
• 22:20
  Speaker 3: had my college girls, which my college girls, like you
• 22:22
  Speaker 3: just disappeared.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I was like, girl, let me tell you what haven't.
• 22:25
  Speaker 3: But I think there was an element that I liked
• 22:29
  Speaker 3: with that in terms of the people, because.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: They had things to do all the time. They were
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: keeping you guys busy. Yeah, so there was that.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: And then with school, like I was always a gangster
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: at school, like I can, like I just know how
• 22:40
  Speaker 3: to get stuff done right.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: So you could because your mom kept you on task,
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: and so you could study probably half the time that
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: everybody else had to in order to be a past class.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Do what I gotta do? Yeah, yeah, okay, which I
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: already know that she's extremely smart, y'all, So I already
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: know that. Okay, So what type of did you spend
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: with your college girls versus your church people? And that's
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: not I mean, that's my words. Again, I just feel
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: like it was oh my gosh, fifty to fifty, Like,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: did you start pulling away and spending more time at church?
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: I feel like I started pulled. I started to pull
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: away and spend more time at church.
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: I found a way too. There was an internship I
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: did do for school credit, so I.
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: Found a way to couple that with one of the
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: church programs. So yeah, I started going in that direction more.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: And then with the girls at school, like you know, one.
• 23:35
  Speaker 4: I wasn't dating.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: I stopped dating, so like yeah, so I just was
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: like I started to kind of just separate and go
• 23:41
  Speaker 3: more towards the church vibe.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: Do we know why if you look back at your
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: feelings at that time, because I think it was more
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: of like community, okay, And that's why we have gangs,
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: That's why we have marriages, that's why we have sports,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: that's why, like we all create community. Okay, So going
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: to the community. So now leaving the and you didn't
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: want to party anyways, right, college girls are probably partying.
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like we had parties that are placed, which that
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: was fine. And I was becoming more religious, so now
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: throw that crap in the mix, and now you're.
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: Like you have to be holy.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: So it was just like like it was like I
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: was going.
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: This way, you know school, is that when I look back,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with partying.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, don't think like that's a.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: Part of like the process and like being in college
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: and having fun and building relationships and stories and memories
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: and so anyway.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: So going to the church leaving that part behind, give
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: me an experience of anytime that you're there in that community.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: What did you feel like, what maybe thoughts that maybe
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: have shifted for you compared to growing up in the church.
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: Okay, what do you mean?
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Like you went to church your whole life, right, so
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: why is this different?
• 25:05
  Speaker 4: I think for me it was like my decision to
• 25:07
  Speaker 4: make it my own faith and not my parents because
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: I went because my parents would go like I like
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: care like it was glad you're a kid, right, And
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: so I was like, okay, this, so now you're making
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: your own choice, right, And I'm like trying to learn
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: about God?
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: And what did you learn differently than what you knew before?
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: I think I learned more of an authoritative God, but
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: even more so.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: So authoritative meaning telling you exactly what to do, think, believe, eat, drink, sleep, judge, shame,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: judge shame. Tell me more about that. What would they
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: judge someone on?
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean it was a very I mean you
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: had the pastor from the pool bit saying things like
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: I'm very controlling or like taking people's experiences and sharing
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: them from the stage and then saying because they didn't
• 25:54
  Speaker 3: follow God, left.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: The will of God.
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: That left the will of God, this is why their
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: life has now been destroyed.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: Right. So it was like a lot of like.
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: Reiterations from the stage happening that were being you know, shared, and.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like here like trying to.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: Learn and wanting to genuinely like follow God, and so
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: it just.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Like was the perfect brainwash. Yeah, I'm gonna say it, brainwash, y'all. Okay,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: So how long? Oh my god, I'm like, oh my god,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: he actually said that. Are you kidding me? Yeah? Okay,
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: And I'm sure there's much more that they said, Okay,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: and we want to hear it, like because we want
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: to understand. So you're doing that for how long? Like
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: every Sunday? I mean I grew up in church too
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: with my friend Sherry, and we did Wednesday Night Missionet's,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Friday Night Youth group, Saturday night church Sunday morning, all
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: day church, come back for Sunday evening.
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: Right, Okay, so oh there's a little best operation. So
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: there was me finishing up college, and then there was
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: after college, right, So after college, I was going to
• 27:04
  Speaker 3: do their more professional one because I'm like, okay, college degree,
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: it's time to like step into that that place.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: I was like nineteen when I finished collegey what about
• 27:16
  Speaker 4: I'm like time to keep going.
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: Like I'm like, I've always wanted to be an adult
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: as well, Well, y'are now problem and so okay, so
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: that's happening. And you know, the leaders wanted me to
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: do this program that was full time, so I mean
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: Monday through Sunday, the program at the church that intern
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: the internship.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: This is nothing. They're weird, yes, okay, and so you
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: have rent right.
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: Oh that's their story.
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: So okay, So I'm doing this program and I originally
• 27:51
  Speaker 3: told them I didn't apply for it, and then you
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: had like other women leaders, this is what you're supposed
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: to do.
• 27:58
  Speaker 4: This is God's will for you. And I'm like, I don't.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Want to do this, like like I didn't want to
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: do it.
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I like, I'm an adultg I need to
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: do this, you know. And so I get a call
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: You've been accepted, and.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I by right, and I'm like they did
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: for you. This is you know, God trying to get
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: me to do this.
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: So like now I'm like going back and forth.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: Can flipping inside, you know, because if you miss the
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: will of God, like it can ruin your life.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Of course, he just said the other guy.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: So I'm over here like conflicted because I want to
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: but I don't want to do this for I'm just
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: like it's full time. I'm out of college, Like these
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: are kids that are applying for it.
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: Anyways, I go back and I tell them, Okay, I'll
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: do it.
• 28:44
  Speaker 3: Why I'm like, I think this is what God wants
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: me to do, but I don't want to do it.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: And that was kind of like.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: A part of a consistent feeling I'd have where I
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: don't want to do something, and then it's like you
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: have these feelings that God wants you to do it
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: and you want to obey, and it's like, bitch.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: If you don't want to do something, you don't have
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: to do anything. Now, Okay, So back then, were you okay,
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: let me equate God wants you to do it by
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: fitting in with the community as well, Like you're gonna write,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: you're gonna disappoint the entire community, You're gonna get scorched
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: from the pulpit, and all of that's gonna happen if
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: you don't follow what you think or what they're telling you.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: God wants you to do, right.
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: But okay, all that part is more of a psychological
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: total process at that point.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you have no idea, you're thinking this. Yeah,
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: I have no idea, you're thinking this. So so here
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: I go.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: They're on retreat crying because you're talking about submission, like
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: anyways submission.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, there's no anyways submission meaning I need
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: to submit to your will.
• 29:48
  Speaker 4: God's will.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: Oh fuck? Oh all right God, okay, okay, okay, good y'all.
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: So now like I'm in this world, everyone's like super young.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, so I still had like student loans,
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I had a car, no, and I had to pay
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: I had to raise money to do this, So I
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: learned how to fund raise. I mean, I was providing
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: media services like so you're like marketing advertising pieces are
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: cleaning full like cleaning like buildings, watching kids like all
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: the physical stuff.
• 30:24
  Speaker 4: But having to pay them.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't just me, it's all the people of course.
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: So I'm like, okay, you know this is for God.
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: Meanwhile, I'm like like I don't want to do this,
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: like it was so you're battling yourself. Yeah, So it
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: was like I'm cleaning windows and I'm like blow like
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: trying to put myself out of my misery by like
• 30:42
  Speaker 3: listening to music or dancing because that's how much I
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: like did not.
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: Want to do this.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: And then it's like, well, you need to get in
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: shape because if you're like, like, if you want to
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: be here, get your shit together. If you don't like
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: get your shit together, if you're going to be here
• 30:54
  Speaker 3: not whatever. So I'm like okay, like I'm here whatever.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: So God wants whatever, right, So I'm you know, raising
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: raising funds whatever at whatever.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: So I did that for like two to three three years.
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, so doing that picking up people using my car
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: sometimes I'm like the early one up, so I had
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: multiple people to pick up.
• 31:19
  Speaker 4: Blast went home because I had people to drop off.
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: Meanwhile, I'm doing you know, working physically, doing my media
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: duties stuff like that.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: And getting paid nothing but paying them and giving them
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: all the I need.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: It in that, and then we're not you know, if
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: we don't have our money and we're not right, we
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: don't get fed.
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: So I'm going to the homeless ministry to get us
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: food to make sure that we have.
• 31:38
  Speaker 3: Something anyways, So that and then you know, the next
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: couple of years is just it changes a little bit different,
• 31:45
  Speaker 3: but you're still you know, doing all the physical work
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: of everything, making sure that you know, I'm doing my
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: media stuff, marketing advertising content every week, filming once a week,
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: uh whatever, other serve duties, oh ball, watching kids. A ah, yeah,
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: I was a doormat.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: Well and like you said, you weren't the only one, right,
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: So how many kids, because you guys are littly kids.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: A lot is twenty thirty, forty fifty at one point,
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: probably more. Oh my gosh, So you're all in this
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: community being brainwashed by this whole community. It's not even
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: is it. Would you say it's one person?
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: I mean I think everyone was kind of like everyone
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: was kind of like, I mean, there is us, and
• 32:33
  Speaker 3: then I feel like there were also people that were
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: still like, I mean, there's there's.
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: A lot more that like even happened but yeah.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: No, it's just yeah, it was how much time we
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: have left?
• 32:43
  Speaker 4: My gosh, you're funny.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Uh we have keep going ten minutes, eleven minutes, okay,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: phill it. Yeah no.
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: So I mean that was like, that was the world
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: I was in.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: And now that sounds to me like you're is he
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: twenty four to seven, seven days a week. Absolutely, did
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: you see your family? You don't see your family? Ah, Okay,
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: we can take that in so many ways, but we're
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: not going to do that. Okay, we just had a
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: little technical sitch. We'll talk about that later. Yeah, So
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: going back to where was your family in this? What
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: did they say? How did you tell them that you
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: were so busy?
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: So my dad was like, praise God, you're like serving
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: for God.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I mean till this day.
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: My dad's like, get over it, like he doesn't care.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: My dad doesn't care about it, but it is what
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: it is. And then my mom's just like, I thought
• 33:35
  Speaker 3: you were just trying to not come back home. And
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: I'm like, mom, no, like this is what was going on.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Like she's like I'm so sorry, and I.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: Was like, there's nothing she could have done if you
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: didn't even know what was happening psychologically right, and so
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: it just was very.
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: At the time, I didn't like, you think this is
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: for the Lord, like for the keynote God, and then
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: you get into the real world and you're like you
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: just got.
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: Oh so yeah.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: And then there's also like the psychological aspect.
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: There was a lot of psychological stuff that I was
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: you didn't know it was getting wired in there.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: But now you're trying to live life and you're like
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: implementing like you know, pastors saying God promoting you, don't
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: promote yourself like God promote you.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: So I'm like eventually started working for myself and I'm like, well, God,
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: where are you promoting me at? Because I need clients
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: right right.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: So it was just like all these like weird like
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: there's just so many weird things like not dating and
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: like let God tell you who your spouse is or like.
• 34:36
  Speaker 4: I told you the whole thing with college.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: So there was just all the or like when people
• 34:40
  Speaker 3: would actually stand up for what they thought they were
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: supposed to do and they would say no, I mean
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: it would be reinforced to everyone like they're not you know,
• 34:47
  Speaker 3: they're not following God. This is what happens when you
• 34:49
  Speaker 3: don't follow God, or like they would be made to
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: be a spectacle, which would.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: Everybody else in submission.
• 34:54
  Speaker 3: Right communicate whatever, you know, or someone genuinely saying Regina
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: like hey, this is kind of weird.
• 34:58
  Speaker 4: I'm like yeah, like I think so.
• 35:00
  Speaker 3: And then you know, a leader coming don't talk about
• 35:03
  Speaker 3: leaders like you like you know what the Lord.
• 35:07
  Speaker 4: Says, and I'm like okay, but like she had.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: A really good point, like it made and actually.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: And so it just there was a lot of things
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: like that, and yeah, like I just had no.
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: Clue what it took towards the end of.
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: Feeling like I was being courced with one you know,
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: it was a demand that I find someone replace my
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: role and I'm like, I'm an intern.
• 35:31
  Speaker 4: I am it's not my job.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: And then too just kind of like wanting the wanting
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: me to create like some type of like ad content.
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: And I just felt like, okay, well we didn't we
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: didn't have the real structure to support what we're trying
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: to offer.
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: And I didn't like that.
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, that's not cool, Like we're like lying, right,
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: And so like when I felt like they were getting forceful,
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: that's when like I kind of like was like hell no,
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: and then.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: That's kind of like I'm out of here. So it clicks,
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: had you not clicked?
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: And I was like yeah, So I was like okay,
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: like I'm out of here. And it just was like
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what fully happened, but I be leaving
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: and being like you lost yourself? Yeah, and then from
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: there I just didn't really want to be involved with
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: church for a.
• 36:14
  Speaker 4: Really long time.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Did they let you leave? I just was like, I'm
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: done doing this and you walked out.
• 36:21
  Speaker 4: My time was done?
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, your time was done. They didn't harass you, try
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: to keep you in and nope.
• 36:27
  Speaker 4: I had some guy take over.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: And I was like, do they do this all the time?
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: Did they bring an interns and just use them for
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: three or four years and then let them go?
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: I don't know a lot to changed?
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, so now you came out of them. Went
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: holy crap, where Regina go? Now I'm in like real
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: life and I'm an adult and I'm out of college
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: and I have no opinions, no brain. Where'd your brain go?
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: Where'd your opinions go? Okay, so now you're learning to
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: buy yourself, which you didn't even know yourself when you
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: went in. So now you have to get to know
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: yourself that they created and let go of that self
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: and then get to know yourself as an adult now
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: and create your like you have like a lot of like.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I applaud the hell out of you because you're doing
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: so much. Oh and then you met a man and
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: got married.
• 37:20
  Speaker 4: I got married.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: So now who I am as a wife? Who I
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: am as the daughter?
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: Now?
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: Who am I as a business owner? Who am I
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: as just Regina? Oh? And then COVID hits and now
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: like family dynamics with in laws and your family and
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: adult grown ass woman doing well? Like, there's so much
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: there now. I've known her for a couple of years now,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: and I've seen that this old stuff creeps in. Right,
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: So with six minutes left, let's talk about because it
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: doesn't have to be a religious cult. It can just
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: be a functional freaking childhood and you lose your voice
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: for whatever reason. You have a traumatic event. I have
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: a client who was who was molested. I have another
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: one that was raped. I have another one that was
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: you know, parents lost, you know, violence, Like it doesn't
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: matter with any of that traumatic psychological thing happening. How
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: do you find yourself right.
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: So I think for me it was when I when
• 38:29
  Speaker 3: I when I first left that program, the color pink
• 38:33
  Speaker 3: was like I didn't know it, but it was like
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: therapeutic for me.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: So it was like therapeutic for me.
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: And then you know, I started hang out with girlfriends,
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: started dancing, little things like that.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: There was still a lot to be undone because I said,
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: did you feel guilty? Did you feel scared?
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: I think sometimes there was guilt because there was so much,
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: you know, it was so much, so much guilt and
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: shame in your head. I think for me it took
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: me moving out of California to know Regina know like
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: something like you're not okay. And uh, that's when I
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: just started buying and reading books to help undo what
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: I had, what was done.
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: And then just knowing.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: That like cause I kind of felt like I was
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: prostituted out, like I was only good for as if
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: I was cheap or free.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: So now bring that into a skill set that.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: You you know have, yeah, your money exactly, and you
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: feel like you're worth nothing. And so for me, I
• 39:34
  Speaker 3: was like, you know what, I am committed to Regina
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: and making sure she's okay. So that was something personally.
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: I was like, I will like, I'm going to bat
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: for myself and I'm not going to give up on myself.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: Where did you get that strength?
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: Maybe that's my my normal old Regina. Okay, so yeah, yeah,
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: I was like, no, I'm going to bat.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 39:52
  Speaker 3: When I did try to speak out, they threw one
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: of the pastors at me cause I was gonna meet.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: With a lawyer.
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: I love the law, by the way, and and they
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: were like, well, you're eighteen, you knew what you were doing,
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: the decision you made, and like basically get over it.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: And yeah, I.
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: Just kept fighting for myself.
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: Reading, I did therapy, cut people out of my life.
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: I do a lot that I did slowly but surely.
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: And how long has it been since you've been on
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: your own?
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: A long time?
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: A long time and it's still coming up? Yeah?
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: Well I'm fine now I've resolved it.
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: I'm good, like I have al Yeah, yeah, good like
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: I know I know who I am. I know people
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: of manipulation and control. I understand God like that is
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: not like that.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Do you like God?
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: I love God. I think he's awesome.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say, does God love you. Yeah, that's awesome.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: Do you have to go to church every Sunday for
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: God to love you? I do, And I still don't
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: like going to church.
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: I hate church.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: And I say that in the most like honest way,
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: and I still will go, Like I have a really
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: cool trips.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: I do, but when you want to when I want
• 41:05
  Speaker 1: to go here? And do you talk to God daily? Sure?
• 41:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: Because it's wherever. Yeah, Yeah, okay, awesome, I love that.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: So what has helped you bridge that craziness feeling of
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: oh my god, i have all the shame and blame,
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: I'm leaving this community. They're not doing things right. And
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: then come to the terms that I spent how many
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: years ever in that? Yeah? Did you feel like you
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: wasted years? Did you feel bad about that? Yeah?
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: I did for a while, for a really long time.
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: I did it lingered for a long time. And it's like, okay,
• 41:37
  Speaker 3: you just you know I used the pull yourself up
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: by your bootstrap strategy, which is toxic.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, very much so.
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: And I did a lot, traveled the world, started my businesses, whatever.
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: But like I feel like twenty twenty made me just like,
• 41:49
  Speaker 3: you need to go to therapy and you need to
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: talk about it, and you need to get it out
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: of your system because you need to heal.
• 41:55
  Speaker 4: And that's what really.
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: Was really helped me to be able to like resolve it,
• 42:02
  Speaker 3: make peace with it, and be able just to like
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: live my life like now I can work and it's
• 42:07
  Speaker 3: not I don't have all this in my head because there,
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: like I said, there's a lot like psychologically that lingers
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: when you're in a culture and environment like that authoritative hierarchy, be.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: Quiet, shame, don't talk.
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, controlling, manipulative, like just saying no, I don't want
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: to do this, and it's like, well, you must be offended.
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: It's like no, I have a life of a family.
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: Here's my boundary.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: I'm not offended. I'm you know, and so yeah, and
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: then they keep talking around it until you submit. Okay,
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: So here's a good one. When was the last time
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: or whatever time you want to share that maybe somebody
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: said something or you felt something. You're like, oh, wait
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: a minute, that just triggered, because it's going to trigger. Okay, sorry,
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: I love you, but it's going to trigger. I mean
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: I get triggered. Yeah, years later, I get triggered. I
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: get it. Yeah, all right, So give me something that triggered.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: How long? How long does it take you to know
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: that you were triggered? And how do you get out
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: of that?
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: Well? Okay, So when I was in therapy a couple
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: of years ago, I had like I would have triggers
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: come up constantly a lot. Again, it's on my it's
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: my responsibility to fix it. I was working with a
• 43:19
  Speaker 3: potential new business partner. My body could instantly pick up
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: on just like that energy, I guess you could say.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: And my husband like, he's like, oh, she's just.
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: You know, she's just communicating.
• 43:33
  Speaker 3: And I was like, oh no, this is trying to
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: insert control, trying to this and that, and I just
• 43:39
  Speaker 3: knew it. And like the way she'd talked it was weird.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: I was like, my body is just leaning out. And
• 43:44
  Speaker 3: I was like, okay, let's just get this job done.
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: And I don't want to do business with her anymore.
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: Or recently, I had a delayed one, but I picked
• 43:51
  Speaker 3: up on it and I'm like, okay, Like okay, this
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: is what I'm good. I'm getting intimidation, I'm getting a crash.
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: I'm getting it's still a form of control. I'm like, Okay,
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: my body's picked up on it. It was the lake because
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: I'm healing, like I'm doing, I'm doing great, but it's
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: it's time exactly.
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: So I'm like, okay, like this is just a part
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: of the process, and I'm like, just be gentle and to.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: Know that it takes time. It's okay, it takes years.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: I couldn't talk about my kids passing for fifteen years.
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: It took me forever to become a certified grief counselor.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Like a trauma literally takes a long time. Now it
• 44:26
  Speaker 1: can take quicker. So I don't want to, you know,
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: scare anyone out there. Yeah, I mean we're still giving
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: on with getting on with life and having a really
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: good time and enjoying life. But there is just some
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: things that when they hit you, you don't realize that
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: that's triggering the past traumas. Until you do that, it's like, oh, okay,
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: I can let that go.
• 44:46
  Speaker 4: Now that's not me yep.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: And I get better and better and better. I'm still like,
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I'm still have things that come up and then I'm like, okay,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: I'm so better this year than I was last year.
• 44:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I've got to be sixty shot.
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: Now, Okay. I love that Okay, is there any advice
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: you would have to And I don't even want to
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: say like you are a victim or you were wounded
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: or any of that stuff. You kind of just accidentally
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: fell into this control. So is there anything that you
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: would say to the college graduate or wherever wherever you
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: were when you got introduced to this community. How do
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: we see that going in? How do we see it?
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: I think just if you feel weird about something, honor it.
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: There you go, like I think, for I didn't even
• 45:38
  Speaker 3: know about feeling weird. I didn't understand boundaries.
• 45:40
  Speaker 1: I didn't understand you weren't even allowed to have feelings because.
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: Exact your boundaries. So I'm like, now it's just like, Okay,
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: if you feel weird about a place or person, honor
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: that and keep going like you don't. You don't owe
• 45:53
  Speaker 3: anyone an explanation. You don't have to be nice, make
• 45:56
  Speaker 3: someone feel happy and comfortable like you're not comfortable.
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: It's more than enough to just keep going. And you
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: don't have.
• 46:02
  Speaker 3: To figure it out because you don't want to figure
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: it out, and you just keep going and so and.
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: You probably can't figure it out unless you are on
• 46:11
  Speaker 1: the end with your people like you really don't want
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: to figure it out.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no is a completely answer. Yeah, and so just
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: really honor yourself. You don't have to dismiss yourself or
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: get rid of yourself to fit in, like do you
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: and trust that the right people, opportunities, and resources will
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: come to you and that you are enough. I think so,
• 46:31
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 46:31
  Speaker 4: That was probably a lot.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: Oh well, no, that was really good. I'm hearing Trust
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: your intuition. When you hear yourself say this isn't right
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: or this is weird, trust that, and you don't need
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: to figure out why, which we do in California anyways.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: We try to psychoanalyze every fricking thing possible that happens
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: to try to figure it out. Don't even try to
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: figure it out because we can't from that that realm
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: of things. We're not in that realm, so we can't
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: figure it out. So just know to trust yourself and
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: move on to next. If you go look back at anything,
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: when would you have made a change.
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: When I think it would have been.
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: I wish it would have.
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: Been like right at the end of college to.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: Where you would have no internship here, I'm not doing it.
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. This is not for me.
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: I'm not doing it, and maybe even a little bit
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: more because I was on my corporate track, like girl,
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: I was like, I was ready. I was like, I'm
• 47:36
  Speaker 3: an adult, like you know my next you know, I
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: had my next corporate job. And I feel like, yeah,
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: like even if I took it back a little bit more,
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: I would have just stayed that track. I mean, I
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: had one girl try to say, let's like ditch college
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: and go intern in Michigan and my mom was like,
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: absolutely not. And I'm like, I'm so thankful she did that, right,
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: So thankful, you know.
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: And yeah, I love that.
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: I love that. And well, we're always healing, we're always
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: growing and learning and loving, and I love it. I
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: just want to tell you that I so appreciate you
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: sharing this. I know it was hard for you. I
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: know this is one of your first times that you've
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: shared all this crap and what you've gone through and
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: realizing how much it does affect in all areas of
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: your life down the road is the scary thing because
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: we don't know that over here, being emotionally abused, being
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: physically abused, being grown up in a dysfunctional household. Guess
• 48:38
  Speaker 1: what y'all. It all shows up in your money world,
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: which is why we talk about it all. Everyone says,
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: what does Jennifer do? Oh my gosh, she talks about
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: everything because it's not about the money, it's about your
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: relationship with yourself. And if you're not trusting yourself, you're
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: not going to trust trust your financial advisor, You're not
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: going to trust money it's going to come in, You're
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: not going to trust any of that. So we do
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: have to address the past crap in order to step
• 49:01
  Speaker 1: into the true wealth and abundance that you desire, deserve.
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: And we have so much fun with so thank you
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: so much for sharing, absolutely sharing your life. And she
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: is amazing, you know all, she's doing so good. And
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: we're never I mean again, we're never all way all
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: the way healed. So just know that that's the next
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: thing and like, oh is that coming back up again?
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we can let that go now because we're
• 49:25
  Speaker 1: not that person. Awesome. Biggest takeaway from the whole call today,
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: what do you think?
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: I Trust yourself and speak up.
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: I love it. Trust yourself and speak up. Thank you
• 49:36
  Speaker 1: so much. Check out all the other episodes. We have
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: a really good time here. At Rock my Finances. I
• 49:40
  Speaker 1: want you to be able to say that. I want
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: you to be able to know the F word, fall
• 49:44
  Speaker 1: your feelings, fall in love with money, and enjoy your life. Retina,
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: I love you, oh my love, I love you so much. Awesome, awesome, awesome.
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: Check out her scrolling if you need. If you have
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: a business and you want to step forward a little
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: bit more, you can us my girl here.
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: I will take care of you.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: She will take care of you in all areas. Thank
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: you all so much. Please check out the next episode
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: of Rock my Finances and where we see you next week. Bye.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
• 50:18
  Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer four pm Eastern one pm
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: Pacific every Thursday right here on K four HD Radio
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: and Talk for TV. It's not about the zeros, It's
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: about the F word, feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait to
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: explore with you next week. Until then, let's all say
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: I rock my Finances.