Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / How To Know That YOU Are Not The Narcissist

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How To Know That YOU Are Not The Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful folks.
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  Today we're going to ask them the question, how do I know that
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  I'm not the narcissist? Not me, not Lee Hammock, the
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  diagnosed narcissist, you. How do you know that you're not
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  the narcissist? If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock, I'm a diagnosed narcissist, and we're with
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  another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes. How do you know that you're not
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  the narcissist? And took mine in.
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  It's like like Friday. He's like, oh, Debo coming.
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  Debo took my chain here. Here's something.
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  But yeah, how do you know? How do you know Lee?
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  Tell us, Lee, tell us this. Like as soon as you tell us, I'm
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  unsubscribing. So because that's all I want to
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  know if I'm a narcissist or not, You bet not.
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  Unsubscribe. Matter of fact, y'all need to
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  subscribe. Hit the subscribe button for me.
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  Please, please, please, please just take a look.
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  Just go to click subscribe and come right back.
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  Or just click the little Lee, the little Lee head at the
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  bottom of the screen. It'll help you subscribe as
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  well. But yeah, intent matters.
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  Intention matters. It really does.
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  And I feel like it's, it's super simplistic for me to say that,
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  right? It seems super simple to just
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  say, well, Lee, of course intent matters.
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  This is why we're here. That's why things happen, right?
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  The intention behind your actions absolutely matter.
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  So you're completely 100% right on that aspect of things.
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  Intent, like they intend to be evil and we intend to be
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  impacts. Yeah.
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  I mean, could could it be a yeah, could there be a
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  possibility right there? Could you intend to be a good
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  person or whatever the situation may be, whatever the case may
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  be, yeah, you could intend to be good and do what you need to do.
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  But narcissistic people, their intentions are self-serving,
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  right? You could, you could have some
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  self-serving intent as well-being an empath, being a
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  compassionate person, having things like that go that, that
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  trying to have things that go well for you in your own life,
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  right? You could absolutely be an
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  empath and think that way. But you're in your, your, your
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  intentions are good as an empathetic person.
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  You're thinking outside the box. You're thinking.
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  You're thinking with other people in mind.
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  You're believing with other people in mind.
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  You're doing things with other people in mind.
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  Your intentions behind your actions have other people in
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  mind. Narcissists are me first,
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  selfishly me first, me first, me first.
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  I'm always thinking about how something or someone can serve
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  me. How something or someone can
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  serve my goals, How something or someone can make my life easier
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  or better in a certain situation.
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  How something or someone could just contribute to me in my
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  existence. That's what that's what matters
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  to narcissists, right? That's what matters to
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  manipulators. They're always thinking about
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  how something or someone can benefit themselves.
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  So if you, if your mindset, if you say, if you think, well,
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  Lee, I kind of think that way too because I, I get kind of
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  narcissistic sometimes when I'm with my partner and they do this
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  and they do that. Are you react?
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  Are you doing something to them or are you reacting to something
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  that they did right? Are you, is it, are you
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  experiencing reactive abuse? I might do another video on
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  reactive abuse, but are you experiencing reactive abuse?
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  Are you really being a bad person?
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  Or are you reacting to something that they've had?
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  They set you off rightly. I was the one like, they're
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  always cool, calm and collected. I'm the yeller and screamer now.
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  Why are you yelling and screaming?
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  Why are you throwing things? Ask yourself why.
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  What happened? Dig deeper.
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  I can guarantee you the narcissist, the toxic person,
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  whoever they're digging, they don't have to dig deeper.
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  They know what they're doing. Yo.
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  I feel like they're like intent absolutely matters in these
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  situations right here. Like I like say, well, Lee, I
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  kind of moved on fast after the relationship in it am IA
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  narcissist. Yeah.
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  Moving on fast does not make you a narcissist.
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  You something that doesn't make you it doesn't necessarily make
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  you a narcissist doesn't mean you're a narcissist because you
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  decided to move on after you left your toxic relationship.
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  Now, could you have some narcissistic traits if you are
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  here cheating and doing some other stuff, Yeah, that's a
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  whole nother. That's a whole nother story
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  right there. If you are here cheating on your
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  narcissistic partner, that that's a whole nother ball game
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  right here, right? Or you're cheating with a
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  narcissist on your part. Is this, there's so many
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  different moving pieces and so many people I've talked to in
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  certain everybody's situation is so murky and mixed up.
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  There's some narcissistic traits going on there.
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  Some toxicity ended up itself going on there, right?
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  But this is, this is what you have to dig deeper within
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  yourself. Like as a narcissist,
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  narcissistic people typically don't have the ability to be
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  introspective, right? They don't have the ability to
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  look deeper within themselves to figure certain things out.
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  They really don't. The narcissist, the tax person,
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  whoever. They don't have the ability to
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  dig deeply, deeply, deeply within themselves to see what's
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  going wrong or to see how their actions are affecting others.
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  You have you can and that's important right there.
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  That's a big difference right there.
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  Narcissist do not look deeper within themselves because it
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  sucks, it's painful, it's shameful.
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  There's a lot going on behind the scenes beneath the surface
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  and things of that nature, right?
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  There's so much going on. It's bubbling to the surface.
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  There's so much going on. It's hurting and making me feel
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  a certain type of way. There's so much going on that
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  I'm feeling bad, I'm feeling sad, I'm feeling powerless.
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  But like as a as a impact or a compassionate person or just a
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  human being, a highly sensitive person on your side of things,
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  you can understand, you can take a, you can, you can take a seat,
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  look inside and course correct. You can be introspective.
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  You can see how your behaviors are affecting other people and
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  you can make differences. You can make necess, you can
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  make the necessary changes. You can do that.
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  And that's what I said. That's what narcissists lack.
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  They don't have the ability to look deep within themselves and
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  make those behavioral alterations.
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  They don't have the ability to, to stand on anything and make
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  those changes. They don't have, they don't want
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  to y'all. It's, it's tough for a
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  narcissist to look deep within themselves.
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  And like before I went to therapy, there was a very being
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  real. Before I went to therapy, there
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  was a very, very difficult thing to do for me.
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  Right before I went to therapy, it was a very difficult for me
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  to just like that. I'm doing, I'm treating people
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  bad. I'm doing, I'm a, I'm a bad, I'm
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  doing wrong here. You see what I'm saying?
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  That was very difficult for me to even think of to have it in
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  my mind that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm treating people
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  badly. Whatever this issue will make
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  your situation situation may be, that's where things went wrong.
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  That's where things went boom. It blew, kind of blew up on me.
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  You know what I mean? That's what happens.
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  That's what that's really it has been what's going on with a lot
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  of people like the narcissist and the toxic person.
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  Whatever they see, whoever the person is in these situations,
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  that's what happens, y'all. And that's just me keeping it
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  hot and rated like a Little Caesar's pizza, right?
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  That's what it really is, me keeping it hot and ready like
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  you should be. You can take a deep living when
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  you're within yourself. Narcissists can't.
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  So you, if you're able to be introspective to look within and
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  course correct your behaviors or even feel bad about how your
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  behaviors have been affecting people, you're most likely not a
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  narcissist, right? Let's say this as well.
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  Do you want to probably see online that everybody has
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  narcissistic traits? Everybody is on a spectrum of
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  narcissism because narcissism. Healthy narcissism is a good
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  thing, gal. Healthy narcissism keeps you
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  alive, right? Healthy narcissism is about
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  preservation. Pathological narcissism seems
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  like it's about destruction. Healthy narcissism,
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  preservation, survival, pathological narcissism,
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  destruction and survival. They're trying to survive, but
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  they're being destructive, right?
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  That's what that makes a big difference, y'all?
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  That makes a big difference in any situations.
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  Because as a diagnosed narcissist, like as I'm working
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  to myself, I can look back and see the things that I was doing
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  wrong, but in those moments that was doing them wrong or shortly
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  thereafter, it didn't really click on me how I was affecting
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  people. But it really didn't the things
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  that I would say to people, it really didn't click on me how
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  they were affecting people, right?
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  The things that, the main things that I would say, the snapping
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  that I would do, it didn't really click or matter to me how
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  it was affecting people. But now that I'm, I can be more
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  introspective because I've been in therapy, because I've allowed
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  myself to slow down, I can see how it affects people.
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  And I had, I had a catalogue of stuff.
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  I'm 39 years old, y'all. I have a catalogue of stuff that
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  I go through right now in my mind like that.
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  I can't believe I said, I can't believe I did that.
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  But that was years ago. I'm working now though.
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  You see, you see what I'm saying?
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  Narcissist really can't do that. So if you're able to do that, if
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  you're able to usually be like, damn, I messed up, let me change
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  these behaviors. If you're able to offer a true
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  genuine apology that is accompanied by change behaviors,
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  you're most likely not a narcissist.
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  Y'all have y'all? Have y'all ever gotten an
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  authentic apology from a narcissist?
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  What I mean by authentic apology?
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  I don't mean them just saying the words I'm sorry y'all.
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  I'm sorry does not mean anything.
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  Saying I'm sorry means saying the words I'm sorry mean
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  absolutely nothing. Let's be real, let's keep it hot
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  and ready. Saying the words I'm sorry don't
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  mean doesn't mean doesn't mean nothing, right?
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  It's the behaviors. They change behaviors.
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  They're admitting that you were wrong in the 1st place.
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  Hey, look, I apologize for throwing that toilet paper at
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  your head. I know I shouldn't have did
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  that. That was just so silly me.
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  I'm going to try not to do it again.
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  A narcissist would say I'm sorry.
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  I did. I saw.
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  I'm sorry you got hurt. I'm sorry you got hit by toilet
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  paper. I'm sorry you got hit.
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  I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry.
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  You know you. I'm sorry you feel that way.
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  I'm sorry you got angry that you got hit with toilet paper.
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  I was playing a joke. They don't offer true, genuine,
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  authentic apologies very often. If you're able to apologize and
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  offer a true, genuine apology accompanied with some changed
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  behaviors, you're most likely not a narcissist job.
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  If you feel bad for how you treat people, you're most likely
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  not a narcissist, especially if you treat baby.
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  If you treat people bad or you do something wrong or you say
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  something out the way to somebody or you snap on somebody
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  and you feel bad and you apologize and you course correct
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  that behavior, you're probably not a narcissist job.
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  You know me because most artists once they say something to do
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  something, they're going to stand on it.
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  They're not going to apologize. They're going to tell you how
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  why you deserved it. They're going to tell you why
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  you feel why you should feel that way.
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  They're going to tell you why they hurt you or why they did
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  this, why they did that. They're going to do so many
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  different things to put you in the crowd, to put you in their
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  crosshairs, to try to hurt you or to try to harm you, to try to
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  do this and try to do that. That's the mindset.
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  That's the mentality of an abuser.
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  That's the mentality of a toxic narcissistic person.
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  That really, really is. So that's what I'm just telling
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  you right now. Straight up, as you grow and as
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  you heal and as you were trying to thrive, this is the stuff
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  that you need to do, right? This is the stuff that you have
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  that you're going to be filming, the stuff that you're going to
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  be observing, like you're probably not a narcissist.
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  You know, Willie, I'm watching this video.
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  Does that mean I'm not a narcissist?
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  No, narcissist watching these videos too.
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  Yeah. Like when I'm doing my coaching
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  calls available at mentalillness.net, I do coaching
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  calls with narcissists as well, y'all?
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  I absolutely do. I talk to narcissists, the
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  people I talk to. I talk to diagnosed nurses,
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  undiagnosed narcissist men and women who are just struggling
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  with their own mental health. I talk to people all the time.
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  Like, I don't discriminate who I talk to.
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  I talk to narcissist. I do.
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  I will. I really Willy, Willy, Willy
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  really, really will. Every time I say really, really
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  will this is the W comes out first.
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  I Willy, Willy, Willy Willy Willy will www.mentalillness.net
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  Gotcha. You see how I did that, how
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  smooth it was. But this is how it goes.
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  Like so many people that I've talked to, like even when I do
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  my workshops and my in personal workshops and my own workshops,
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  so many people I talk to fall to this, you know, this mindset of
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  just like, I feel like the narcissist because I became
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  detached from them. I started being mean to them.
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  I started matching their energy. Does that mean I'm a narcissist?
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  Yeah. Narcissist hate when you match
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  their energy. You know, if you're starting to
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  act like them, it's because typically you're trying to
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  protect yourself. I'm not trying to make excuses
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  for you. I'm not to leave it, leave it,
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  leave pandering and survivor. No, I'm not trying to make
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  excuses for you because if you're throwing stuff and you're
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  hitting them, you probably hate this.
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  Stop. You know what I'm saying?
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  You probably need because you're going to throw something and
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  you're going to hit them and you're going to be going, you're
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  going to be in trouble. There's so many people that I've
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  spoken with or I hear stories of that have been provoked and they
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  have been the ones that go get in trouble.
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  They have been the ones that have the cops called on them.
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  Well, I spent the night in jail. Does it make me a narcissist?
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  Like what happened? Well, he was throwing stuff at
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  me and I just caught, I caught one of those.
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  I caught something and threw it back at him and I hit him in the
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  head and he caught the police and I got in trouble.
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  But he didn't get trouble throwing at you in the 1st
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  place. No, there's no proof.
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  The only proof they had was he got hit and it's all that
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  matter. I told him.
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  I told him. I told him he threw it first.
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  I told the police that he threw it first.
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  They didn't believe because I didn't get hit.
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  Yeah, So they believed him. I got injured, I got locked up,
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  and then he's trying to ruin my life.
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  This is what happened. This is what I said.
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  You have to, you have to be able to control your reactions,
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  Y'all, You absolutely do. Because when you're able to
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  control your reactions and have a lot of discipline, you will
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  start to see through the cloudy because narcissists, that
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  narcissists want you to question yourself.
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  They want you to question whether you're the narcissist or
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  not. They do they want you to
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  question whether you're the narcissist or not because then
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  they, they, they got you, then they can manipulate you because
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  you're at a standstill because you don't know what actions to
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  take. Well, if I'm a narcissist, I
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  really want to get, if you say, if you, if you say these words
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  right here. Well, if I'm a narcissist, I
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  really want to get some help because I don't want to be a
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  narcissist. I want to change and be good for
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  my kid. Then probably you're probably
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  not a narcissist. You see what I'm saying?
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  Because even before I get diagnosed, it wasn't me.
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  I was like, if I'm a narcissist, I need to change my behavior.
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  I need to go do that. No, I was like, damn, I'm a
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  narcissist. Like, how do I, how do I, how do
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  I win? You know what I mean?
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  My mindset was completely different No, because I said
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  this is I hope this video bushes some clarity.
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  I hope it bushes and I hope you some understanding that there's
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  certain things like narcissism is not a battle of good and evil
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  right 'cause there's narcissist to people that could be doing
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  good deeds right? They're vulnerable narcissist
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  exist not only vulnerable narcissist.
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  What's the type of narcissist that does the good deeds?
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  The communal narcissists, they like, donate the charity.
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  They're pastors and creatures and stuff like that.
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  They're firefighters. They do good deeds, right?
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  There's some narcissists who do good deeds, but behind the
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  scenes they're not good people, right?
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  Communal narcissists do exist. Vulva narcissists do exist.
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  So there are narcissists that do good deeds, but they're not good
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  people. You know what I'm saying?
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  Anyway, y'all, I hope this video butches some clarity.
• 14:34
  I hope it butches some peace and some understanding as well.
• 14:36
  If it did, make sure you hit the subscribe button.
• 14:39
  I appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 14:40
  I'm super thankful for you again, y'all.
• 14:41
  I'm cutting down the two longer videos a day.
• 14:43
  Maybe one day we get down to 1/21/20 minute video there.
• 14:46
  We'll see it. Just y'all, 20,000 videos in the
• 14:50
  last four years all across all my platform tie coaching
• 14:54
  courses, everything available at mentalillness.net and I'm out.
• 14:57
  Peace. What's going on?
• 14:58
  Beautiful folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 15:00
  to the end of my video. I truly appreciate it.
• 15:02
  You have no idea. If you haven't already, hit that
• 15:05
  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
• 15:07
  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel
• 15:10
  y'all y'all? It helps me reach more people as
• 15:12
  well. Also, I have coaching my courses
• 15:14
  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
• 15:19
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
• 15:20
  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 15:23
  I'm out.