Latest / Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm / The 8:00 AM Crisis: How to Rescue Your ADHD Family from Morning Chaos | 021

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The 8:00 AM Crisis: How to Rescue Your ADHD Family from Morning Chaos | 021 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, welcome to Quick Wins for ADHD moms.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm Jess, and today we have a very special guest.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Carol Siege is a certified professional coach and keynote speaker and a mother of four, and she supports parents of neurodiverse children as they navigate their family journeys.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: She received an undergraduate degree in English from the University of Pennsylvania and a master's in journalism from New York University and relies on real-world experiences to motivate parents who are struggling to raise children who don't fit the mold.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: You can find her at familypathways.com.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here, Carol.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: We're excited to have you.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for having me, Jessica.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm excited to be here and have a great conversation.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, there's always so many questions I have.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: But first, let's dive into today's quick win.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: So my quick win to start us off has to do with getting the kids out the door on school mornings and um using simplicity and systems to help.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: And it starts with breakfast.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a system, you don't keep it simple.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's coming down and grab you, somebody wants this and somebody wants that.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it can be hectic.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: And my suggestion is that you make a plan across the week, Monday through Friday.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: You always know that Mondays you're having cereal and Tuesdays you're having toaster waffles and so on and so on.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: You can do something different each day of the week.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: You can go back and forth, so you just have two or three options.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but the key is that you know that every Monday you're having a certain food item, every Tuesday, and that the kids know it as well.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so their expectations right.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Expectations, very important.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: You can't just assume that because you have decided that Monday is going to be serial, that the kids are on board.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: You need to make sure that they know it as well.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: And if you don't mind, I give you a couple of suggestions to make it a little easier.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Well, absolutely.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: I need all the suggestions.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, great.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: So as I said, the first thing is getting the buy-in from the kids.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: And part of that, if you have one child, that might be easier.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you have more than one child, you can each child gets, you know, what's their favorite breakfast so that it's not a fight about, well, I don't like XYZ today.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: So each child knows that they're gonna have their favorite breakfast whatever morning it is.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and a couple of other suggestions, a couple of other things to keep in mind are that if the um if if you as a mom struggle with, you know, doing the same thing every day, I do.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: You're craving, if you're an ADHD mom and you're craving change and you're pushing back against routine, the couple of things that I would keep in mind are number one, that you can always use the weekends as your break the rule time.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: Don't follow any system time.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Always remember you that's coming.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: And the other thing I would keep in mind is that when you're raising kids, they need structure.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: If they have ADHD themselves, if they, you know, if if they're neurotypical.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Kids need structure.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: And the idea is that you're trying to start your day off on the right foot for both yourself and for your kids.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so keeping that in mind might help you get over the hump of, well, I don't want to have a system.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: I keep it simple all the time.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you can also have a, you know, have a little bit of variety in there, but keeping it simple.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, you have two or three options for cereal.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you have two different options for your toppings for your oatmeal.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but the key, again, I'm gonna say it one more time, is simplicity and systems.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it would be easier to schedule your grocery shopping around you know what you're gonna have on Mondays.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And if you do your grocery shopping on Sunday or Monday, here's your list.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if it's out, absolutely absolutely so important.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: You know what you need to have in the house.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: So when you go food shopping, you know, up, I better pick up another jar of maple syrup.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: It's just it it helps all of these pieces.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It keeps things um in uh running in some kind of order, yeah.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it reduces the chaos.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'd love to dive into just your personal story.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: You have four boys, and they I love that you say they're alphabet soup of diagnoses.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: The alphabet soup of diagnoses, yes, I do.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: So uh, yeah, so my uh I, as you said, I have four sons, and they all fall under that very large broad umbrella of neurodiversity.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: And my story starts with my second oldest son, and he was diagnosed with, at the time, Asperger's.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now it's considered autism spectrum disorder.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, he was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was four.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: And just to give you a sense of how far we have come since that time, the doctor at the diagnosis said, Well, if it was autism, I would just say I'm sorry.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: So happily, we really have come a long way since then.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: So after that initial diagnosis, my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: And fast forward 29 years, and all four have been diagnosed with ADHD.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: Three are on the spectrum, three struggle with learning differences and anxiety.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_01: We have dealt with OCD and depression and an eating disorder.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: So we, of course, as you can see, have had a lot on our plate.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And yet I love my boys.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: I'm proud of my boys.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: They are kind and compassionate and smart, and even as they, you know, still hit snags along the way.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Of course.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: We all we all still hit snags, of course.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_00: And what do you call life?
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's called life.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think has been your kind of behind-the-scenes structure to be able to engage with that and to be able to not lose your mind and your kids have moved to different states?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like you you have had a family structure that has held together through all of that.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what can you attest that to?
• 7:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think that um probably the biggest part um and I would say the most significant uh part of it is acceptance.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: Accepting who my boys are, um, recognizing that their uh diagnoses aren't their person.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: They are issues that they deal with and they're separate, and when they have challenges, it's not the person that is um hitting a it's it's not the person that's having the problem.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's there's an issue and there are skills that need to be learned, and there are it doesn't mean that you know we're giving up.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, ADHD in particular, um, with boys, you know, one um typical uh challenge that comes up when they're very young is you know, they're they're handsy and that can you know sending them.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, sometimes that sometimes that can be trouble.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes they're just walking by and they're just gonna smack something or someone.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not about saying that that child is bad because of something they've done.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's you know, impulse control and they need to learn how to hold on to those impulses, how to not give in to those urges, um, and to recognize them for what they are.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a skill they need to learn.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: So we're not giving up and saying, well, they don't need to learn it, yeah.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: But it's also not blaming the person um for you know for that behavior.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_01: Um and uh and the second thing is patience because it takes a long time, takes a lot of reinforcement, it takes, you know, saying the same thing sometimes many more times than you would need to say it um for a neurotypical person.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um and um and that's just you know, that just comes with you just you just need to dig deep.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay to find that patience.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's okay to keep repeating yourself and tell yourself they they need to hear it a hundred times, not seven.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I'm gonna add one last thing.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely especially with four sons who had ADHD, a sense of humor.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: Crucial.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Gotta be able to step back and look at the situation and because sometimes it's really funny.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, their brains can make connections in so many different ways.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I just the creativity is unbelievable.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you know, our kids will come home and you know, tell a story at school, and it's so different than what we hear from someone else, but you hear their perspective and you're like, you were paying attention to everything that was going on, right?
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely, which is, and it's great to recognize that.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's great to be able to say to Kent, oh my gosh, wow, you really were, as you said, right?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: You really were paying attention.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Wow, what a cool perspective.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they do, and it's like that hyper focus, and we think that they're not paying attention, we think that they're not listening, and that can get really frustrating.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: But telling ourselves, just keep saying it, keep reinforcing reinforcement, they're going to get it.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: We don't always have to live in this chaos.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, that's right.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: And and um uh what one if you're a parent and you're frustrated because you think you're telling your child something and they're not listening, one really easy thing to do is just to ask them.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, let's say you're talking to them about, as we said before, right?
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, hey, tomorrow is going to be cereal for breakfast, but they're playing with their Legos or whatever else they have in their drawing, whatever else they have in front of them, and it doesn't look like they're paying attention, just ask them, hey, what'd I just say?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_01: And um, you might be surprised how often they'll say, Yes, you said cereal for breakfast tomorrow morning.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: I got it.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, great.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: So getting uh a breakfast schedule and getting your kids involved in choosing the breakfast schedule is just one quick tip to make your life a little bit easier.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wonderful.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much, Carol.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: I know we're gonna have you on the next episode as well because you just have such a wealth of information.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna hear another quick tip from you next week.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: But um, if someone wanted to get a hold of you, how would they find you?
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: So um reach out to me.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, my email address is Carol at familypathwayscoaching.com.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_01: You can also find me online.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: My website is uh Family Pathways Coaching, and um I'm on LinkedIn, I'm on Facebook, I'm on Instagram, um, and I love having conversations.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, Jessica, thanks so much for the opportunity to chat with you today.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: I think ADHD moms just need to hear the encouragement, and these little tips are very helpful.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I really hope you enjoyed that episode or that interview with Carol.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: She has so much good information.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna have her on again to talk about some other great quick wins.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: But if you have a quick win or you're interested in being on the show and sharing your quick win, I would love to chat with you.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: You can reach me, Jessica, at theadhdmom.com.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: We've got a lot of resources that we're developing.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can check out the website uh for some downloadable content that you can use, some freebies, a whole sheet of quick wins, just a dopamine hits, lots of stuff that we're developing for you.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Again, you can go to theadhdmom.com to find all of that.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Well, have a wonderful week.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you next time.