Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 194: Why Your New Year’s Resolutions Keep Failing (You're Not Broken. You're Just Well Practiced!)

Transcript

194: Why Your New Year’s Resolutions Keep Failing (You're Not Broken. You're Just Well Practiced!) · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:21
  Speaker: Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  Speaker: My name is MaryAnn Walker and I help people to create lives that they truly love.
• 0:27
  Speaker: Now, as you know, we are currently in a new Year, and very often with a new year comes a lot of self-reflection as well as a determination to better your current circumstances.
• 0:36
  Speaker: And guess what, you guys, I love helping people do this very thing.
• 0:39
  Speaker: So as a plug, I do have both six and 12 week packages available, and I would love to support you on your journey.
• 0:45
  Speaker: So if as you're listening today, if you think, wow, I could really use some customized support to help me to better understand my mind, to help me to see how I might be getting in my own way, or maybe you're starting to recognize that, boy, it sure seems like every single year, I'm making the exact same resolution without much progress.
• 1:01
  Speaker: If that sounds familiar, I've got you.
• 1:04
  Speaker: Keep listening.
• 1:05
  Speaker: Be sure to subscribe and come and work with me.
• 1:07
  Speaker: So one additional invite that I have for you is that, did you know that I have an email list?
• 1:11
  Speaker: I do.
• 1:12
  Speaker: And you can click the link in the show notes to join and.
• 1:14
  Speaker: So in this weekly newsletter, then I offer even more information and support and even more ways to connect.
• 1:19
  Speaker: I promise I'm not gonna spam you.
• 1:21
  Speaker: I'm here to just offer love and support, and I also really love that all you have to do is just click reply on my emails and it will come directly to me.
• 1:28
  Speaker: You can let me know what resonates with you on the podcast if there's something that you would like to learn more about.
• 1:32
  Speaker: It's a very easy way to get in touch with me.
• 1:35
  Speaker: So come and check it out.
• 1:36
  Speaker: You can find all of that in the show notes, but yeah, let's connect more.
• 1:39
  Speaker: Okay, so This entire month we're gonna be focusing on goal setting.
• 1:42
  Speaker: this last week we explored the idea that your personality or your temperament, it isn't set, but it's simply a result of practicing certain thoughts and emotions over time.
• 1:51
  Speaker: So if you haven't listened to that episode yet, go ahead and check it out.
• 1:55
  Speaker: Today we're gonna be expanding on how shifting your practice thoughts and emotions, how it can best support you in your goal setting.
• 2:02
  Speaker: And then next week you're gonna be hearing an interview that I did with Kami Orange.
• 2:05
  Speaker: She's a boundary coach and author because I know that many of you have a goal to start to learn how to set better boundaries this year.
• 2:12
  Speaker: I'll also be sharing 10 things to stop doing and 10 things to start doing this year to help you to experience more joy and peace in your life.
• 2:19
  Speaker: So again, make sure that you're subscribed.
• 2:21
  Speaker: I see so many new people on here, so I'm really excited to connect with you, share it with your friends.
• 2:26
  Speaker: Let's really start some fun discussions and really improve our lives together.
• 2:30
  Speaker: Okay.
• 2:31
  Speaker: So diving into today's episode, first I wanna give you a quick recap of last week.
• 2:36
  Speaker: Last week we talked about how your temperament is simply a mood that you've practiced for so long, that it's become a part of who you are.
• 2:43
  Speaker: And sometimes we think, no, this is just the way that I am.
• 2:46
  Speaker: I'm just somebody who can't say no to desserts.
• 2:48
  Speaker: I'm just unlucky in love.
• 2:50
  Speaker: I just don't like working out.
• 2:52
  Speaker: We've assumed an identity.
• 2:54
  Speaker: Around these limiting beliefs, but it's not really who you are.
• 2:58
  Speaker: You're not stuck in these roles.
• 3:00
  Speaker: You've simply chosen to think and feel into these beliefs for so long that you've stop challenging them, and you've allowed yourself to become that person.
• 3:09
  Speaker: But these thoughts, they're not getting you the results that you want out of life.
• 3:13
  Speaker: And while, yes, I am all for self-love and self-acceptance, but when it comes to our New Year's resolutions sometimes, then it's those practice thoughts and emotions that are preventing us from getting to where it is that we want to go.
• 3:25
  Speaker: So my goal for today is to get you thinking about what thoughts and emotions you might wanna start practicing in order to better support you and your goals.
• 3:34
  Speaker: Let me share a few common thought patterns that I see in my practice, specifically around New Year's resolutions, and let's kind of play around with it a little and see if we can get those practice thoughts to loosen up a bit so that we can invite in something more supportive for the life you wanna create.
• 3:48
  Speaker: So my first example is"I just can't say no to desserts." Now, when I coach somebody with this thought, their first inclination is to remove all sweets from the house, because if it's there, they're gonna have no choice but to eat it.
• 4:02
  Speaker: They have this belief that, okay, well I know that I have zero self-control, so I need to really control my circumstances.
• 4:08
  Speaker: They essentially have this belief that they're like a bloodhound and they will find the sweet treat even if it's hidden, and the emotions attached to this are feeling victimized, out of control.
• 4:18
  Speaker: There's a lot of self-loathing involved with that belief and a distrust of self, and those emotions are not going to support you around your resolution to minimize the goodies.
• 4:27
  Speaker: Alright.
• 4:28
  Speaker: And yeah, it might work for you to just not bring the sweet stuff into your house in the first place.
• 4:33
  Speaker: And also, if you have other humans that live with you, if you work with other humans, more than likely you're eventually going to have to learn how to manage your mind and shift how it is that you see yourself in order to be true to resolution, to only have goodies on special occasions.
• 4:49
  Speaker: So for example, maybe you could try on the thought.
• 4:51
  Speaker: I am practicing saying no to sweets.
• 4:55
  Speaker: This one's great because oftentimes it can be a bit of a stretch to say, oh no, I don't crave sweets at all.
• 5:00
  Speaker: That's gonna be too farfetched.
• 5:01
  Speaker: But to remind yourself what it is that you're practicing can help you to lean into the discomfort that comes from refraining.
• 5:08
  Speaker: Another thought that's helpful is I know that the worst thing that will happen if I say no to sweets is that I'm gonna be a little bit uncomfortable for a little while, and I also know that the best thing that can happen is I'll be happier, I'll be healthier, and I'll be more in control of my body.
• 5:23
  Speaker: It's reminding you the full weight of your individual decisions.
• 5:27
  Speaker: Another helpful thought might be, my body cannot consume that candy without my permission, and I do not give consent to junk food at this time.
• 5:34
  Speaker: Now, notice how those thoughts, they feel a lot more empowering than I just can't say no.
• 5:39
  Speaker: Right?
• 5:40
  Speaker: Okay.
• 5:40
  Speaker: Another example.
• 5:42
  Speaker: Making money is hard.
• 5:44
  Speaker: A lot of people have this belief, and I want you to really sit with it.
• 5:47
  Speaker: How does it feel in your body when you think making money is hard?
• 5:51
  Speaker: To me, it feels heavy.
• 5:53
  Speaker: It feels overly complicated.
• 5:55
  Speaker: It creates a lot of resistance for me.
• 5:58
  Speaker: Now, a lot of people have this belief that making money is hard, but more than likely, it's not actually the making of money that's hard, but maybe it's how you're spending money, or maybe it's the lack of budgeting your money that's creating the problem for you.
• 6:10
  Speaker: So if you're wanting to make more money this year, then maybe start practicing these thoughts instead: making money could be easier than I think.
• 6:19
  Speaker: I am learning how to budget in a way that feels more abundant.
• 6:23
  Speaker: This one is a big one because often then our spending in the moment, it tricks us into thinking that we're abundant.
• 6:27
  Speaker: We think, well, hey, now I have this cute new purse.
• 6:30
  Speaker: I feel so abundant and so bougie because I have this new purse, right?
• 6:34
  Speaker: But then we're gonna get home and look at our bank account and go, oh yeah, that's going in the opposite direction I wanted it to go.
• 6:41
  Speaker: kind of notice if you're fooling yourself into creating false abundance instead of creating real abundance.
• 6:47
  Speaker: So really get curious about that.
• 6:48
  Speaker: That, okay, do I really want that purse?
• 6:50
  Speaker: Is that going to create abundance for me?
• 6:52
  Speaker: Or would I feel more abundant if I had more money to put in my old purse?
• 6:58
  Speaker: Another thought you might wanna try is I choose to only spend money on things that add value to my life.
• 7:03
  Speaker: I am learning to be a wise steward of my money.
• 7:07
  Speaker: I am seeking and open to new opportunities to make money.
• 7:11
  Speaker: There are opportunities for wealth all around me.
• 7:14
  Speaker: These thoughts are gonna create feelings of possibility, creativity, accountability, and abundance, right?
• 7:20
  Speaker: Notice how those feelings are gonna encourage you to show up differently.
• 7:25
  Speaker: All right.
• 7:25
  Speaker: Example three, I just can't lose weight.
• 7:27
  Speaker: First of all, is it true?
• 7:30
  Speaker: If so, please go see your doctor.
• 7:33
  Speaker: But for most of us, it's not that we can't lose weight, it's more that we're inconsistent with the things that will support us on our weight loss journey.
• 7:41
  Speaker: For example, counting calories, exercising, limiting treats, and instead focusing on our protein and our fiber, and the belief that I just can't lose weight is very closely tied to the thought of"so why try?" In fact, that's often the very next thing that people tell me when they tell me, I just can't lose weight is so why should I even try?
• 7:59
  Speaker: And so when we're thinking that, guess what?
• 8:01
  Speaker: We don't try and then things never change.
• 8:04
  Speaker: Or we start to do the thing, but then we quickly stop doing the thing and we think, okay, well it's not gonna make that big of a difference anyway.
• 8:11
  Speaker: So those thoughts are not supportive.
• 8:14
  Speaker: The thought, I just can't lose weight.
• 8:15
  Speaker: It feels heavy, helpless.
• 8:17
  Speaker: Tired and resigned.
• 8:20
  Speaker: And again, the more you practice this thought and those subsequent emotions, the more they're going to become who you are.
• 8:27
  Speaker: So let's try a few more supportive thoughts.
• 8:29
  Speaker: All right, let's try on: I easily find ways to improve my health and wellness each day.
• 8:35
  Speaker: I am celebrating non-scale wins as I consistently hydrate, workout, eat well and rest well.
• 8:41
  Speaker: And guess what?
• 8:41
  Speaker: As you celebrate your consistency, the scale is going to change.
• 8:47
  Speaker: A few more helpful thoughts might be, I am choosing fun ways to move my body each and every day.
• 8:51
  Speaker: Be it dancing, jumping, or taking a walk in nature, I can celebrate movement and practice enjoying that movement.
• 8:58
  Speaker: I can make movement enjoyable for me.
• 9:01
  Speaker: When I treat my body well, my body treats me.
• 9:05
  Speaker: And I really want you to think about that one too, that sometimes we think we're treating our body well by giving it a treat.
• 9:10
  Speaker: But notice again, that's not going to create the long-term results.
• 9:13
  Speaker: Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for your body is tell it no.
• 9:17
  Speaker: So ask yourself, am I truly being kind to my body?
• 9:20
  Speaker: Because the better you treat your body, the better your body will treat you.
• 9:23
  Speaker: These thoughts are gonna feel significantly more empowering.
• 9:26
  Speaker: They create forward momentum and they're significantly higher energy than, well, I just can't.
• 9:31
  Speaker: Okay.
• 9:31
  Speaker: One more example.
• 9:32
  Speaker: I'm just unlucky in love.
• 9:34
  Speaker: How does that feel?
• 9:37
  Speaker: More than likely, that feels stuck.
• 9:38
  Speaker: Small, stagnant, helpless.
• 9:41
  Speaker: It's disempowering.
• 9:43
  Speaker: It's another thought that's basically giving up before you've even tried.
• 9:45
  Speaker: I mean, I really want you to think about all of the people that live on this earth.
• 9:48
  Speaker: You do not need every single person on the planet to like you.
• 9:51
  Speaker: You just need one person and guess what?
• 9:53
  Speaker: The person that you're looking for, they are also looking for you.
• 9:56
  Speaker: So that might be one of the thoughts you wanna try on is the person I am seeking is also seeking me.
• 10:01
  Speaker: There are opportunities for connection all around me.
• 10:05
  Speaker: because of my experience, I am becoming better and better at identifying red and green flags early.
• 10:11
  Speaker: I am seeing earlier and easier in relationship who is and is not for me.
• 10:17
  Speaker: That person wasn't my person, but now I know more about who it is that I'm looking for.
• 10:22
  Speaker: Again, notice how different each of those thoughts are going to feel in your body versus just being resigned to, well, I guess I'm just unlucky in love.
• 10:29
  Speaker: Now, as a side note, I will be doing several episodes this year on relationships, and so if you are wanting support, come and work with me and make sure that you're subscribed to the podcast.
• 10:38
  Speaker: Remember that your limiting beliefs, they can be really sneaky.
• 10:41
  Speaker: Our brain wants to accept them as truth, simply because we've thought about it enough times that we think, okay, well it must be true, but it's not true.
• 10:48
  Speaker: It's a limiting belief, and it is keeping you stuck.
• 10:50
  Speaker: It is trapping you into a situation, into a mindset, into a personality that is keeping you stuck and not helping you get the results that you want.
• 10:59
  Speaker: and maybe your limiting belief is around a resolution like the ones that we had just talked about, or maybe it sounds like one of these: if I say no, it means that I'm a bad or a mean person.
• 11:10
  Speaker: Other people's emotions are my responsibility to manage.
• 11:14
  Speaker: My needs are too much.
• 11:16
  Speaker: It is safer to keep the peace than to speak my truth.
• 11:20
  Speaker: If I rest, I'm being lazy or selfish.
• 11:24
  Speaker: I have to earn love by being helpful, agreeable, or needed.
• 11:28
  Speaker: Setting boundaries will push people away.
• 11:31
  Speaker: I should be able to handle this without help.
• 11:34
  Speaker: If someone is upset, it means that I've done something wrong.
• 11:37
  Speaker: My sensitivity is a weakness.
• 11:40
  Speaker: It's my job to make sure that everybody else is okay first.
• 11:43
  Speaker: If I slow down, everything will fall apart.
• 11:46
  Speaker: I don't trust myself to make the right decision.
• 11:50
  Speaker: Wanting more means that I'm ungrateful for what I have.
• 11:53
  Speaker: I'll finally feel worthy once I've done enough, given enough or fixed enough.
• 11:59
  Speaker: Again, these are just thoughts, and these thoughts are keeping you stuck.
• 12:03
  Speaker: They're not true, and you do not have to continue to believe them just because they're familiar and well practiced.
• 12:09
  Speaker: And I get it, that they can be sneaky and subtle and feel Oh, so true.
• 12:13
  Speaker: And that's why I love coaching so much, because even as a coach who knows how to manage her mind, there are times when my own coach will remind me and say something like, Hey, I know that you think that's a hundred percent true, but you know that that's just a thought, right?
• 12:25
  Speaker: And once it's finally identified as a.
• 12:27
  Speaker: Thought rather than truth.
• 12:29
  Speaker: That is when real change happens.
• 12:32
  Speaker: So if as you've been listening, if it sparked something for you, if you're curious what thoughts you're believing that are holding you back, come and book a free clarity call with me.
• 12:39
  Speaker: This is a free 30 minute call where we can chat about your goals and see how coaching might support you on your journey.
• 12:44
  Speaker: I do have both six and 12 week packages available, and let me tell you, I think you're gonna be blown away by how much change and growth you can experience in just a few weeks.
• 12:53
  Speaker: Many of you have told me how transformative this podcast has been for you where I speak kind of in generalities.
• 12:58
  Speaker: And you've told me it's been so helpful for me and so life changing, and I am so glad.
• 13:02
  Speaker: And also there is so much more benefit that you could experience from coaching.
• 13:06
  Speaker: So click the link in the show notes, come and join my email list.
• 13:09
  Speaker: Book a free clarity call.
• 13:11
  Speaker: But today I encourage you to take one measurable step towards becoming your best and highest self in 2026.
• 13:19
  Speaker: This could be your year, and I'm so happy to support you.
• 13:22
  Speaker: All right, we hope you have a great week and let's talk soon.
• 13:24
  Speaker: Bye now.