Latest / Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!! / An Inspiring conversation

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An Inspiring conversation · Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!!

• Pete: Welcome to another exciting episode of Pete Frick's I.D. My guest today is an author, recovery addict, and a speaker with over a decade of sobriety. She's an award-winning author of The Shadows to Serenity, a raw memoir about addiction, trauma, faith, and the rebuilding of life from the ground up. Please welcome in Christy Weedle. Christy, how are you doing today? Ever wish you had someone to talk to anytime, anywhere, matter what you're going through? Meet PsychPAL, your 24-7 AI companion, designed to help you process your thoughts, calm your mind, and keep you moving forward. Chat anytime during a panic attack on a restless night or just when you need to vent. Prefer talking instead of typing? Try voice journaling. PsychPAL listens, transcribes, and truly understands. You can even upload screenshots of tough conversations, and it'll help you unpack how they made you feel. PsychPAL keeps life organized, too. Christi Wedel: doing great, Pete, how are you? Pete: Doing fantastic. So, Chrissy, tell me a little more about yourself. Christi Wedel: ⁓ gosh, so let's see, I was born in, no, nobody cares about that. Let's see, so I was, I was actually born in Houston, Texas. I'm ⁓ a Texan through and through, so ⁓ hate me for that. But yeah, so I was born in Houston, Texas. ⁓ Let's ⁓ parents divorced when I was three. So you wanna go back and hear the story part or just kind of where we are now? peter: Show ⁓ Pete: It can add appointments to your calendar, track your mood, and even summarize your sessions for your therapist so you'll never lose progress. Plus, built-in crisis resources are always just one click away. It's a privacy-first, constantly evolving, made to complement your professional care, not replace it. Ready to try it out? Head over to the link in this episode and use my code, Pete, at checkout to get 20 % off your first month subscription to PsychPAL. PsychPAL, because your mind deserves a companion too. Wherever you want to start this is your episode you tell everybody what they want to know. What are the things you want people to know best about you? Christi Wedel: Well, would say ⁓ life's work, I could just create ⁓ the most perfect career path or the most perfect job for me, would be to be able to monetize while helping people ⁓ So that would be like my ideal thing. I'd love to be known for ⁓ people recover from drugs and alcohol, ⁓ showing women specifically, men too. ⁓ that there is a way out no matter what kind of background you come from, whether it's traumatic childhood or abusive relationships, domestic violence, any of those types of things, ⁓ is hope for recovery and that you can live a healthy, happy life. So being known for that and then also being known for being a good mom and a good Mimi, because I have two grand babies. Pete: So. Well, that's awesome too. So why don't you tell us a little bit about your story of recovery itself? Where did you start from? Was it at an early age you had the addiction problem? Christi Wedel: Not no, not at all. In fact, I was what most people in the recovery space would call like a late bloomer, right? Like I didn't even actually start drinking until 16, which, you know, really from where I'm from, that was pretty late. I mean, people were drinking at like, you know, 1213 14. And so the difference is Pete, though, for me, though, the first time I ever drank alcohol, I drank alcoholically, meaning I was in a group of friends and we all tried alcohol. I don't know if you recall the first time you ever tried alcohol, but unless you were drinking something fruity and fun, it really doesn't taste all that great. So you don't go, wow, that tastes wonderful, right? for me, it was nothing about the taste at all. It was all about the way it made me feel. for coming from the childhood I came from and really just my personality in general, Pete: ⁓ no. Right? Christi Wedel: just the name of your podcast, Pete versus Anxiety. I have severe anxiety. So even as a young child and into my teen years, I was just always like this, know, just, so when I drink the first ⁓ of alcohol, it just kind of calmed that down enough to where I could like baseline function and conversate with people. So I immediately fell in love with that feeling. So that's why I say I drink alcoholically from the beginning because I wanted to change the way that I felt. And even though I didn't have words to put to it, that is what was actually doing. And so while everybody else around me was like, ooh, that's gross or ooh, that made me throw up or whatever, I was like, me more, me the whole thing as much as possible. ⁓ ⁓ And then that would actually, know, basically, I guess you would say set me up for the next 25 plus years of, you know, that my compass. So it was like, whenever, wherever I can get drunk ⁓ is where find my happy place, so to speak. And to answer your question, really drinking was so much fun for such a long time. ⁓ And... ⁓ Pete: Yeah. Christi Wedel: You know, it wasn't until the very end that it was horrific, you know, for me anyway. My bottom is what they call a really low bottom. But for the longest time I had fun. ⁓ know, I got divorced in my ⁓ and I go and I buy a convertible and I, you know, do some body modifications and whatever. ⁓ so I'm just out partying and having a good time thinking I'm not hurting anyone. I'm just, you know, having a good time. and it worked for a really, really long time. And it wasn't until, you know, I was 38 when four major things happened year. And one of them being my best friend died in his sleep from alcohol and And it really threw me into just drinking night and And now at the point where I'm completely unemployable. you know, just wasting away. And so was a long, ⁓ process to becoming a true alcoholic, if you will. Once the alcohol control at the end, I was no longer in charge of whether I was gonna drink or not. was as much as like breathing ⁓ is to single one of us. That is how bad I needed the alcohol at the end. It was rough. Pete: Yeah, so when your friend passed away, did you blame yourself for it? Were they partying a lot with you though when when that whole thing went down and things like that? Christi Wedel: Yeah, so we had partied together for like five years straight. mean, every weekend, every holiday. you know, I went toe to toe with this guy. I mean, we were like, neck neck. ⁓ You a shot, I drink a shot. You do a line, I do a line. You know what I'm saying? So we partied together and it just so happened that, you know, he passed away and I was still doing everything he was doing. So there was this immense guilt of Pete: Okay. Yeah, yeah. Christi Wedel: I mean, thank God it wasn't me, right? But like also, why wasn't it me? Why was it him? And, you know, it was, was that whole thing. Pete: Yeah, a lot of remorse, and like guilt that, you you blamed yourself like, well, he was doing the same thing I was. Why didn't it happen to him? Yeah, I get that feeling. You know, it's like, you know, it wasn't really heavy on you, though. I mean, it had to be hard, though. You know, were you the one that found him or was it just somebody else found him? Christi Wedel: It was somebody else that found him, ⁓ but they called me and it's one of those things where I think people forget or maybe they're just not cognizant of it. But when someone passes away, it's like, don't text their loved ones or their friends. I think it's just, ⁓ maybe again, that's all that person could do. Maybe they were at work or something, but to find out over a text, was because you don't know what's happened. All you know is they passed away. ⁓ And there are so many questions that go along with that. yeah, I mean, I was already at that point in my alcoholism where I was about to not be able to be employed. In fact, they called me at work and I had to go home. And of course, the first thing I did when I went home was I drank myself into oblivion. But I was at that point where I was at work that day and I was very, very shaky. And so people were noticing. ⁓ you know they just didn't care because I was really good at my job but it was very obvious at that point that I had a serious problem so yeah Pete: Yeah, yeah, and it's okay. So let's let's back that a little bit too. You were texted and told that they passed away. What the hell kind of crap is that? Christi Wedel: Yeah, you know, so listen, whoever's listening to this, please don't do that. You know, ⁓ please wait till you can call somebody because it ⁓ devastating to find out over text and it seemed quite impersonal, you know what I mean? ⁓ I mean, this is someone, you know, and this is someone I spent every day, every night with all the time. This was, like I said, we were, you know, just really, really close friends. And so to find out that way was... Pete: Yeah, yeah, Texas can feel that way though. Christi Wedel: was devastating, really. I think the person who's Pete: Yeah, I don't think I, I think I would react to the same way. I would even kind of little pissed off to him and like, really? You're going to text me? You could have like, Hey Pete, I got to talk to you about something like give me a call at 911 or something. Tell me like there's an emergency. Hey, I need to talk to you about something pretty important. Give me a call right away. Not text me. Hey, you know, so and so just died. What? What? Christi Wedel: Yes. Yeah, it was like that. Yes, yes, it was terrible. Pete: It's just like, you know, it's horrible. So then did you go to the funeral? I mean, I know it's tough when it comes to death for people because, you know, grief is such a strange topic for a lot of people because a lot of people don't know how to handle it. Like, they're not sure what to say to you. Did a lot of people like reach out to you with weird messages or, you know, you know what I'm saying? Like that whole thing, it had to be real awkward for people that knew you were like, oh, Chrissy, I'm sorry. Christi Wedel: Yes. Pete: You know, and then they want to tell you about their problems. It's like, well, I don't give a fuck about your problems right now. My friend just died here. Let's let's talk about this. Don't worry about that, you know. Christi Wedel: Yeah, no, for sure. mean, people just don't know. They don't know what to do with their hands when someone passes away. And especially when it's someone young. I mean, this guy was relatively young. I mean, he was. He was 37. That is young. And so yeah, think people were really just can't. And then everybody's got to chime in on Facebook and stuff. I'm like, don't know. I'm like, do we really? Is this what we're doing now? Pete: ⁓ god, yeah. Chris is like, can you please stop messaging me now? I hate you all, please. Christi Wedel: Yeah, I'm like, you have my phone number, but like you're sending me a message on Facebook just is not it's and again, like you said, everybody deals with grief differently. Some people were probably thinking, well, I don't want to call and bug her or you know, I don't want but here's my my take when someone passes away, like give the other person give that person a call like whether it's a wife or whether it's a best friend or a sister or brother or family member, whatever. Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Christi Wedel: ⁓ Because even if they can't talk they will appreciate the fact that you tried to reach out I felt like people on Facebook and this may just be me and my weirdness, but I felt like we were doing that Pete: No, no, it's your opinion, though. Think about it. What you're saying right now is your opinion. This is how you feel about it. You're not wrong for giving out how you feel about it. Like, you know, when I like I'm depressed, I don't tell people because they'll go, oh, I'm so sorry. I'll tell you to share. I don't want to hear all that shit. I don't want I don't want to hear you. I'm sorry. You know what mean? So I get where you're coming from this. So what you're saying is your opinion. So you you can continue. you know, I'm saying I'm just like you're basically giving out how you feel about it. Like if someone doesn't like that, I'm sorry. That's just how you feel about it, though. Christi Wedel: I'm Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. mean, and you know, you bring up a good point. It's like, you know, we are allowed to feel how we feel, whatever that looks like. And it's always shaped by so many, you know, millions of nuances of where we came from, what we've been exposed to, or what experiences we had. And so, yeah, it's all relative. But yeah, pick up the phone would be my suggestion. ⁓ Pete: Exactly. Right. She's like, pick up the phone and call me if you have my number, you know, because we had a friend of the show. She lost her son. In fact, the episode was listening to, she was telling the story about it. She unfortunately found him in his room, passed away. OK, so she calls 911 and gets a prompt. And I was pissed at that point in this message, you know. But the thing was, it's like I'm a very I could say a lot of things, but they think that was the first time ever. ⁓ rendered myself completely speechless because I didn't know what to say to her. Christi Wedel: Ugh. Pete: Like I went to type this messenger, you know, and I was going to call her because I didn't want to call her an overwhelm her. I she had a lot of things going on. And someone had told me like, Hey, listen, did you hear what happened? And I was like, no, what happened? And then I saw the message. Someone sent me the Facebook post where she was talking about it. And I was like, Oh shit. So like I'm sitting there thinking about it for like an hour. What to say to her, you know, and just kept typing messages and deleting them. And I told her this, I was like, dude, I couldn't think of anything to say to you besides that. Listen, I love you. If you need anything, message me. Christi Wedel: Yeah. ⁓ Pete: you know, I'm here and she said, yeah, she said, thank you, you know, and, and normally her stance was like, you know, a lot of people don't want to be bombarded with messages and all these calls and things like that, you know, but she's like, she appreciated the fact that people were reaching out. And I told her, it's like, I didn't know what to say, man. And I, like I said, I'm a man of very many words and like, I host this podcast or record many episodes. I was always telling you before we started, you know, but I had nothing to say in this thing. I was just like, I didn't know what to say right now. This is just like, wow. You know, it's hard when it's especially when it's people you know, and it's like, then she went and told the story about it. And I was just like, holy crap, you know, because she called 911 and got a prompt. I'm like, you got a prompt and you call 911. What the hell kind of shit is that? You know what saying? It's like, what the hell, dude? So, you know, that's what I said to him. Like, is this really a thing? Like, she's in Oklahoma. I'm in Texas. So I'm like, wait, maybe it's just Oklahoma, man. There's no way in hell that's even like that. They can't give you a prompt. She's like, yeah, I got a prompt. And I was like, Christi Wedel: me know. Yeah. ⁓ my gosh. That's wild. I didn't even know that was a thing. Pete: Oh, no. And she's describing this in an interview she's doing with somebody. She's telling the story about it. And you just hear her telling. I'm like, I'm getting madder by the minute as I'm listening to this thing. I had to pause at that part of it and take a break. I was like, yeah, I've got to take a break. I'm so pissed at this point. I'm so mad. He just see me. I'm mad. He's like, what's wrong? said, I got to tell you about this bullshit I heard. And it was like, that was a big hang up for me. But it was just like, you know, it's hard, though. So let's let's get into shadows to serenity. OK, so when you wrote this book, Christi Wedel: Yeah. Yeah. Pete: I mean, you really had to get real real about this. Like, let's be real, you're really telling the whole story of your life. What were people's responses that didn't, that knew you close enough that didn't realize how bad you were struggling because you went into everything, I'm assuming, the trauma, everything like that. I mean, you revealed it all, I would take it, yes? Christi Wedel: I did, and it was, you bring up a great point when you say, you know, how did people, or ask the question, how did people react? And to be honest, it cost me some very dear relationships, too, specifically with family members that will never be the same. And that part was, is devastating, because I just published it back in August, and so it hasn't even been a year. And you know, that's devastating. ⁓ but I, it took, so let me back up just a little bit. took me about four and a half, almost five years to write the book. for multiple reasons. ⁓ One, was kind of going, boxing with the universe saying, I don't want to do this because I'm, I have a 10th grade education. ⁓ I, why, does anyone care about my trauma? Everybody's got trauma. If you're born in the seventies, eighties, sixties, you have trauma. Right. And so. ⁓ I was just like, I don't want to go and throw all my stuff out there. kept just not, I'm not crazy, well I am a little bit, but like ⁓ kept feeling that urge you have to write it, you have to write it. And so ⁓ kicking screaming, I finally ⁓ wrote book, but I would write half a chapter and I would have to take off a couple of months, because some of it was really, really difficult to write. ⁓ Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Christi Wedel: I tried to skate around some of the difficult parts and I knew that wasn't, I mean, to give you an example, chapter four is the most meaning ⁓ qualifies ⁓ to be able to be an expert, if you will, in trauma, I like those of us who have been through things like that can really only hear ⁓ from people have actually been there. And so, ⁓ At least that was my experience with my alcoholism, but more on that a little later. So with the book, just, knew I couldn't cut any corners. I tried, I tried to leave that chapter out. ⁓ Pete: So, so while we're on chapter four really fast, what kind of trauma does it fall in? A little bit maybe, because you're in a safe space. remind you, this is a safe space. You can say whatever you like in this room. Trust me. There's a story I had this morning that I recorded that let me tell you, he's going to blow your, blow the socks off of people that, you know, I've heard some wild things. So you're, you're in a safe space so you can share as much as you want, but you don't have to give away a lot. Cause we want people to go read the book. Obviously we want them to go check out this book because she took the time to write this. You obviously got to see this, but. Christi Wedel: Yeah Pete: What would you say it falls in what categories? You can kind of give us a little run over it. Christi Wedel: Yeah, so I'll give it to you. I'll give it to you in more of like a timeline ⁓ version and then if you read the book, then that has all of the details where it makes sense. Well, I'll send you a book. Pete: Okay. ⁓ I'm gonna read the book. I'm curious now because I I've got a stack of books after well, okay, listen, if you're sending me one, you have to sign it. That's the only requirement I have for all my guys. I want to sign copy because that right there has most of my other books that are signed copies of books I got from people that I'll read. It's on the stack of things to read. I just got the the blurred lines from Lauren, Lauren Facebook. I have to read to it. Just got that the other day from her. Christi Wedel: Okay. ⁓ Pete: as well and things like that. So I'll add it to the stack of books I read. I definitely will. I have like a stack, but I will. But I'm for sure definitely want to read it. Christi Wedel: Yeah, so ⁓ basically, you know, what happened with me is that, you know, parents got divorced when I was three. ⁓ I have an older sister who's four years older than me. So we went to live with dad because mom didn't have the money to keep us. ⁓ So we live with dad. Dad gets remarried to the wicked stepmom, so to speak. ⁓ And she is everything that you can imagine in terms of in terms in terms of wicked, the wicked stepmother and Pete: Okay. ⁓ no. Christi Wedel: So she was abusive to both of us in every way that a child can be abused. If you can fill in the blanks there. so ⁓ chapter four goes into details. It talks about the starvation. talks about the only thing I don't go into great detail is the sexual abuse because I didn't even know about that. I didn't even, I had blocked that out. Pete: Yeah, definitely. ⁓ Jesus. Yeah, no, I get that. Christi Wedel: until I received my official records from the state of Texas that had 80 pages of like details of all of that stuff. ⁓ 80 pages over an eight year period of time. That's the time that we were abused was a full eight years of abuse. And it was, yeah, it was everything from, you know, being locked in the closet to beat with all kinds of things and. Pete: Mm-hmm. Holy crap. 80 pages. Wow. Wow. Christi Wedel: Like I said, the sexual abuse was that I think my mind or my higher power that I believe in was protecting me from remembering all of that. But I mean, just being beat relentlessly over a long period of time. And then finally the state of Texas came in and intervened. then they had, let's see, they went to parenting classes and I think for six months they had to go to therapy. and then the state of Texas put us back in the home. And then the abuse was horrific. It was way worse than it was before. ⁓ And so talk about like a failure of the system, 100%. And then finally, eventually we were taken out permanently and placed in foster system, which is a horrible place to be. The sexual abuse that happened in those types of places. Pete: Jesus. Yeah. Christi Wedel: ⁓ happened to me and my sister and then you know and so all of these things those didn't turn me into an alcoholic though. I truly believe it you know there's ⁓ of people that come from tons of different types of trauma some even worse than mine believe it or not and they don't you know go on to become alcoholics. I think in my case I desperate to hide and desperate to fit in ⁓ I never felt comfortable in my own skin, ever. As far back as I can remember being two, three years old, I always felt like I was different. Like there was, I just didn't have the memo that you had to how to speak to people and, you know, how to behave and where are these rules? And I come to find out I was just diagnosed as autistic this past year. And I'm like, holy shit, my whole life makes sense now. Like, like all of it. Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, that's funny because a lot of people are finding that out too, that they're autistic. Me and my girlfriend were talking about my younger brother and like some of the weird man, she goes, he's probably on the spectrum somewhere. Watch, you know, just because of like the weird things he would do, you know, and the way he just really is kind of like really got a quirk. So, so, Chrissy, let me ask you a little question really quick and you don't have to answer if you want to. Did your relationships get really hard though later on? you know, after you left the system and then you were an adult and everything, did you find it hard to be in relationships? Going through all the stuff that you've gone through? Like it had to affect the way you looked at things, you know, and the different partners you ran into. So now where you're at now, where your husband now, he had to, does he know everything? Christi Wedel: Yes. Well, so I'm single. don't even have, I'm, yeah, I'm single, single mingle. Wait, that didn't sound good. That didn't sound good at all. no, that sounded desperate. Like I'm single and ready to mingle. I'm like, that's not what I meant to say. Good grief. So, but it did a hundred percent because I, ⁓ so had this fear of abandonment ⁓ because my mom was never there. I mean, literally our entire childhood, she was off with some man in a different state in Missouri. Pete: Single mingle. ⁓ ⁓ no. Mm-hmm. Christi Wedel: and we were here in Texas. So was this gnawing thing in the back of my soul that said, you're not good enough. Your own mom didn't want you. ⁓ every relationship, when I got sober and started looking back on my life and working the steps and all that, looking back on it and going through therapy, I would into a romantic relationship with great intentions. ⁓ And then, Pete: ⁓ Jesus, wow. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Christi Wedel: Eventually, like if they're, know how you're going to argue with your significant other. That's, that's normal. Well, to me. Pete: Yeah. Yeah. But for your situation with the fear of abandonment, it had to come in that you're just like afraid they're going to leave because I have a fear of abandonment as well. So I know exactly the feeling you're going with right there. You know, it had to be like you want to, you're trying to leave them before they leave you kind of thing. Am I not correct? Is that where this is heading? Christi Wedel: That's exactly where it's headed. And so I, and ⁓ my gosh, I can see it coming. Like in the past, you know, several years, years ago when I did have a boyfriend, I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, I'm doing it again. So I'm looking for things. So once we have our first argument, then I'm going to look for things that are non-negotiables. Like, well, we started dating, but is he a Christian? Is he really, ⁓ do want somebody who goes to church? Now what's important to me? Do I? Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Christi Wedel: You know, and so, and then again, I'm off to the races and you can't convince me otherwise. Cause my mind has told me, made up some kind of bullshit for why this man is just not the one for me. And then that's it. And I will self-sabotage until it's over. Pete: Yeah, it almost sounds like you may have an undiagnosed case of BPD. You know what that is? Borderline personality disorder a little bit in some ways because of Christi Wedel: Yes, yes, I've been diagnosed all kinds of things. I've had, mean, anxiety, ADHD, those two things for sure. I have that for sure. take medication for both. And then it's like, well, you're borderline. No, you're bipolar. And I'm just like, okay. Pete: Yeah. You know, and it's, funny when Chris, when Chrissy says that though, it's because a lot of times they run so similar that it's like, except for BPD is way more extreme. There's a lot more that goes to it. Yes. My, my current, ⁓ girlfriend now, she has BPD and it's like, you know, it's, it's, it's a lot, what it sounds like a little bit like that too, cause a lot of times people with BPD try to self sabotage and things like that, you know, all that kind of stuff, you know, cause I've done a lot of research before me and her even started like really got it even got serious. Christi Wedel: I'm happy. Yeah. Pete: You know, and I've done a lot of research. I've had an expert of the show. actually a BVD expert. We have discussed several things like this and I've like done a lot of it. It sounds almost like what it's like a little bit too, because she also has bipolar one as well. So, you know, there's also that being thrown into the mix too. So that's what it kind of sounds like a little bit, you know, just from what, you know, I'm hearing you say and things like that too, because I do have the fear of abandonment too, because my mom abandoned me was 10. you know, just left me on a doorstep and my family, my dad kind of thing. And it was just horrible, you know, and I didn't realize the ripple effect of everything that happened after that. Why I was so angry. Every time I got into these certain situations, you go back to that moment and you just start freaking out. Like you don't realize what it is that's triggering you, but you're just mad and you know, that sense of feeling you remember it because the body remembers all that. So when you go back to that, you're flashbacking to the feeling, but not the actual moment. You're not remembering the moment, but you know, And it's kind of the same thing too. When I get in arguments with my partners and things like that too, I tend to do that too. I end up trying to leave before they can leave me or I tell them to go because I'm like, you're not going to get a chance to leave me before I can leave you kind of thing. know? So I get that a hundred percent. Christi Wedel: I just want to say I'm really sorry about that, about your mom. Yeah. Pete: Thank you so much. Yeah, it's it's been a rough relationship, but we're working on it. You know, this past year, I've been going through a divorce and things like that as well. And, you know, I've had a lot of time to self reflect about a lot of stuff, you know, know, I'm no longer allowing it to to ruin my life and turning into a power down because if I didn't have this situation happen, I wouldn't have started this show. And, you know, and I wouldn't be where I am now. I have this show and have a side project I do now, you know, and a bunch of other stuff I do and things like that, too. So. I'm more understanding of a lot of situations, especially my girlfriend, you know, her situation too is like, you know, with BPD, a lot of their emotions are on like, you know, ours will be at a hundred, but hers will be like a thousand. So she really feels it. So like, have to be very careful about the tone of voice, the way I say things to her, you know, the way I even text her, you know, you're like, you have to really think about what you're going to message because when she reads it, she's either going to, going to take it the wrong way or you're going to be okay, you know, and that's what you got to constantly worry about, you know, and there's the the fear of abandonment, constant, having the constant reassurance, which I don't mind, you know, I get it because it's like, like I said, I've done the research, I know these things, I've listened to things she's told me, you know, and the things she's taught me and stuff like that too. So that's why I was just wondering if, if that was the case too, if you had an undiagnosed case, because it sounds like they're running really similar to both of those in a lot of ways. Christi Wedel: ⁓ yeah, yeah, and I do a lot of things to really truly take care of my mental health because rough. And so ⁓ guard my recovery and I work my program of recovery. one of the things that I like to say anytime I'm doing any kind of a podcast or interview is, ⁓ I claim that there's only one way to recovery. I do talk about. Pete: Mm-hmm. Christi Wedel: you know, the fact that I do work a program of recovery, but I don't name it, so to speak, ⁓ just because, you know, people find different ways to sobriety and there's not one particular way to that. There are multiple different roads that can get you to where you need to be. for me, I protect that, meaning I attend meetings ⁓ I go and I tell my story and I listen. There's a ⁓ woman right now who's texting me. Pete: Yeah. Christi Wedel: in sobriety and so she's like, I call you at four o'clock? And so I'm available for women, I sponsor women as well and I meet with them twice or once a week. So Pete: Well, there are there are actually two of the people more done interviewing. I'm going to we're going to discuss this. I have a few friends of mine, Jay and Jasmine. I know you all listen to the show. I'll be sending her your way. Definitely. Especially Jasmine. She runs a podcast in Canada called Everybody's Addicted. She I guarantee she'd love to have you on as a recommendation from me. So, but, know, I think it's I think it's interesting, though. So so the faith aspect, have you always been religious, though? Is that a big part of your recovery, too? Because I know a lot of people. Christi Wedel: Cool. ⁓ wow, cool. Love it. Pete: you know, have that higher power of whatever you want to call it, you know, you know, whatever. I jokingly tell people like I pray to crumb, you know, the Conan of barbarians, God or something. But I'm a man of faith, but I'm just not the type of person that sits here and just shoves it down people's throat, because I think it's the way that people give it to you. You know what mean? Like if you like, like to force feed it to you and it's like you just don't receive it that well, you know, and you don't seem like the type of person that does that to people. You're just like, hey, listen, this is what I'm doing. You know, it's more like this is what worked for me. Christi Wedel: Yeah. percent. ⁓ yeah. Mm-hmm. Pete: Now this could work for you kind of thing. And I feel like that's your approach when you're coaching these guys. And listen, Hey, this is what worked for me. I can give you these suggestions. Now you'll have to fair works best for you. I'm not telling you that this is the only way this is not the, know, I'm not trying to sell you like Billy Mays is trying to sell me some as seen in TV product, you know, and that's what I loved about your, your energy too. It's the way that you're presenting these things is that it's like, this is what happened to me. So I like, I know, I know when you released this book, he said you lost a lot of relationships with people and things like that too. Christi Wedel: Yeah. Pete: But do you feel like they were meant to happen to be? Because people are going to tell you your story is not right. Oh, you're making this up. How are you going to tell me my story is wrong when I'm the one telling you what I experienced? You know what I'm Christi Wedel: And I can, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Well, and I can't imagine, I can't imagine someone just making up the shit that I put in my book. Like I can't imagine that someone would want to expose themselves in that kind of way. If it was a, it was, if it was false, I just, and so that and P you bring up another great point. And it's like, you know, that's part of the reason just for me, why I sent off Pete: You know what mean? Like, how? Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying. Mm-hmm. Christi Wedel: for those official transcripts, court transcripts, and all of my medical records. I have never shown those to anyone. They're sitting in a private file and hopefully nobody will ever read them because they're horrible. Like all the stuff that came out with the E files, right, that's come out, like people going and reading all that stuff. I'm like, I lived through that shit. Don't do that to yourselves. Anyway, side note. ⁓ But it's like I needed to... Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah, nah, I get you. Christi Wedel: I needed to and I wanted to make sure that everything that went in that book was factual. that, you know, because the two sides of my family, which happens a lot in divorce, hated each other and they were always talking shit. You know, this one did this and this one did that. So I wanted to make sure that my memory was factual, that everything that went in the book was factual, not that this part of the family said this and I always believed that this and so was really important to me to get Pete: Yeah. Christi Wedel: in there and the reason that I lost, know, it had to do with the fact that the person who inflicted the most of the abuse or 99 % of the abuse happened to be, you know, their family member too, if you know what I'm saying. And so, yeah, and so it's like, I'm so sorry that like this, but I can't not tell my truth. I've been tasked with this and I'm going to tell Pete: Yeah, no, I'll get you. Christi Wedel: the truth as it was. And, you know, I wanted to also kind of address the, like the religious thing. So I will tell you, I'm not religious at all. So when I, let me back up a little bit. When I was in my 20 or no, when I was 19 years old, I met him. Okay. And him, he was going to save me from my childhood. He was going to make me happy, fill in all those holes where I was, you know, desperate for love, attention, affection. Pete: Mm-hmm. Christi Wedel: and he was gonna fix me. that's what you think at 19 is someone can come in your life and fix you. And ended up getting married. My daughter's 28 now, we had a baby. And I just thought that that was gonna be the end all be all. And his family was very, I won't say the denomination, but they were very dogmatic Christian. Meaning like, Pete: ⁓ okay, okay. Christi Wedel: the women weren't allowed to wear pants. They couldn't wear jewelry. They da da da. A list of all the things you can and cannot do. And I was Pete: ⁓ okay. Yeah, yeah, the type of people that make you really worry when it comes to religion. Those are the I get where we're going there from. Yes. OK. Christi Wedel: Yes. Yeah. And so here's what happened is that when we got divorced, all of those people turned their back on me. They were like, ⁓ you're not married to him anymore. ⁓ now you're a harlot. Now you're a, you know, we just whatever. And so what happened with that was I was faced with religious trauma. Like I was traumatized by that because these are people I was very, very close with. And so it was devastating. So that was the only sort of you know, God that I was aware that existed. And so when I got sober and I came into the program of recovery that I work and I saw the G word on the wall, you know, and I was like, ⁓ well, I guess I'm going to flunk this one because ⁓ don't mean the God I knew, where was he when that happened? And where was he when I was a kid, when that happened and that happened and that happened? You know what I mean? So ⁓ Pete: Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You wouldn't understand what you do. Yeah, okay. I get you, know. Christi Wedel: And so thank God, again, the program that I work lets you choose your own conception of God. Sounds kind of woo wooey and weird, but let me tell you something, it worked for me. It worked for me. And that's, and the God that I met in alcohol, the God that I met in my program of recovery, might want to edit that out, was, you know, my sponsor had me write down, what would your ideal God be like? And I was like, well, not anything like that one. damn you to hell for whatever compassionate loving forgiving good patient and then that's that is the God that I created in my mind and that's that's the God that I have today so when people say ⁓ gosh I can't get sober because I'm not gonna I can't be religious and I'm like I'm not religious I don't people do but I don't go to church you know and so it's just a different type of Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Christi Wedel: The thing is... Pete: I think you are religious, but it's in a way that it works best for you. You don't have to do it every way everyone else does. You're doing it the way that works best for Christy, not what everybody else wants Christy to do. You know what I'm saying? You do have faith, but you're not going to do it the way that everybody else does. Church isn't for you? Okay, cool. That makes sense. Doesn't make you less of a Christian or any... It doesn't mean you're less of a person of faith in any way possible. I'm the same way. I don't go to church, but people are like, ⁓ you should go. I went one time. Christi Wedel: True. Pete: wasn't for me. I went to one church, it was the most interesting experience I've ever had in my life, let me tell you that much. it's like, there's so many different religious faiths and different things. It's like, however you do it, is the best way for you to do it. And that's the way it was presented to me before I accepted faith, because I was like, I had the same preconceived notion you did, because that was the way I was interacted with, with people just cramming up, everything you do is a sin, this is a sin, that's a sin. It's like, I don't wanna be a part of that. I'm like, I'm good. If that's what it's like, just keep me out of it. I'm good. You can stay over here where I'm at, you know, and things like that. So I think that you're you're still you're still a person of faith and, know, in some way. But it's the way it works best for Christie, which makes sense, though, to me, because I'm the same way, too, because what works for Pete works for Pete. I don't care if you all don't like it how I do it, but I'm happy with my God the way I work. We have conversations all the time. You know, it's what works best for you. I think I like that, though. I like that you're not one of those people that fall into that crap and you're just like ⁓ I'm going to do it just because everyone else is doing it. You're not one of the sheep. You're just like, well, I'm going to do it the way that works best for me. So like, hey, I'm good over here. Y'all can do whatever you want over there. But hey, listen, I'm just going to keep chilling over here. Christi Wedel: Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, for sure. you know, when it's almost next month will be 11 years of sobriety. thankfully, yeah, thankfully it's been working this far. So I think I'll continue doing what I'm doing. Pete: Awesome, that's amazing. Exactly. 11 years. Yeah, if you do whatever you need to do, keep going. That's what I'm saying. know, every day, every day you wake up and you're not drunk, even better. You know what saying? Every day of sobriety is just one day more. You're in the right direction. And what works for you works for you. It's like, don't let people tell you you're wrong because how are you going to tell me what's wrong? for 11 years, this has worked for me. So who the hell are you to tell me what to do? And then make sure you drop the fact you're an award winning author on there too with them. You you got to make sure you, you know, you give them that one too. You know, just just wrap it on them. Christi Wedel: Bye. Pete: Like, hey, by the way, just not deflecting you too much, I'm wondering author of your two. Let me know when your credentials hit that part of it. You know what saying? Christi Wedel: Yeah. ⁓ my goodness. try ⁓ be as humble as I possibly can, but... ⁓ Pete: Oh no, you seem like the person that's really like, you're really cool like that, but you know what saying? Like if someone tries you, it's like, well, you're going to find out I'm not the one. You got the wrong one over here, you know? And it's, I get it though. Christi Wedel: Yeah, now I can be a little scrappy if someone messes with my family, that's for sure. Pete: Right. OK, so with the book, though, have you got great responses? You got to have somebody giving you great responses. So people that say they've enjoyed with the reading and your story and things like that. I'm sure you've got a lot of those. Yeah. Christi Wedel: I've gotten, you know, there's been good reviews on Amazon and you know, I sort of released it to a litmus test group, if you will, which was really just my friends and family in the beginning. And you know, and some of my family members, it's too close to home. So like one in particular, I was like, she can't read it. you know, it's just too much for her. It's too much, you too close. And so, but everybody else that... Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Christi Wedel: has read it, has given me, you know, good feedback from it. So I'm really, I'm really grateful for that. And you know, the whole idea behind writing the book is really, it wasn't just to tell my story, the goal, like the overall overarching goal is not to sell a million copies of it. ⁓ It's really to get it into the hands of those who need it the most. So that when a woman is, let's say, sitting in prison, Pete: Yeah. Christi Wedel: and you know picks up this book and has her whole life struggled with drugs and alcohol and else then you know she can see that hey this woman went through what I went through in childhood and she was able to make it out and so that's really I want someone who like I went to a Pete: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You know, the inspiration of people's change and things. get it. You know, I get it completely. I love it though. I think it's a great message. I mean, you could sell a million copies. Listen, hey, if you want to buy a million copies, that'd be awesome too. Cause she liked it. The money would be nice. She's like the money would be nice, but I do like it though. I did like the fact that you have a mission with the book and what you're trying to achieve. And it sounds like you, you're looking to more inspire people versus, you know, trying to peddle a book out to sell things. You enjoy what you were doing, but Christi Wedel: Yeah, I hope to get it. mean, listen, I can make that happen. you know, I'd love to get it in. ⁓ know. Pete: Memoirs are so great because I read one about breast cancer and people looked at me weird every time I told them this. I I just finished reading this memoir. They said, what'd you read? It's about breast cancer. Huh? I was like, yeah, it's a double double men'sectomy. I've always wanted by Erica Newberg was a great book I read. And it was it was a real raw look into what the perspective of what a woman going through breast cancer is like. Erica even showed you the pictures of the the aftermath of everything that like the saw like looking scars. And it was. Christi Wedel: Well, I think that's funny. ⁓ my goodness. Pete: whoo man, want a perspective in some shit. Let me tell you, that one was raw, real, and to the point as well too, man. And I read it and I told people I read it people were looking at me weird because I'm a guy and I told Erica, so listen, you send me a copy of the book, I'll read it before you come on the show and things like that. And I did, I read the whole book. I read it front to back, I read it, me and her had a real conversation. you know, I thought it was interesting though. I love memoirs because it's so interesting to read the stories of other people and how things go. You know, and I look forward to reading it too. I really do. Cause I'm kind of, want to see what really what it is. I kind of have my feelings of what is based on what we're discussing here. Cause a lot of times you can tell when people say certain words, leads you to know like a little bit of the traumas and things. It's just, just think I picked up as I've gone through the show, I've 300 plus interviews of this thing. You know, if I now I've learned a lot of things I pick up along the way. So I'm kind of curious to see how many things I'm right about, you know. And just, you know, like, okay, you know, and then, you know, it's, it's great. Because then at the same time, you get to read a really good story. And I can tell people, like, hey, listen, you got to check out this book I'm reading. And you know, and then they can look at me weird again, like, hey, listen, I just read this book, you should read it too. Christi Wedel: Well, I think it's great that you read the book. I think that's great. Pete: Oh, was a, told you, it was great. I loved it. It was an interesting perspective because Erica said that when people reached out, she said males reaching out to going, Hey, listen, uh, I appreciate the book because now I understand what my partner who's dealing with cancer is dealing with them, what their thought process is and the process they're going through and how she felt like less of a woman. Because, know, for anybody who doesn't know what a mastectomy is, it's basically they removed their, they moved the breasts are removed, you know, so Erica didn't have any. And Erica had to have reconstructive surgery and things like that. Had to had her, you know, the whole had it tattooed on and all this. It was really interesting to see you're seeing this to the whole book. Like she literally just went bare shot. You saw it all. Like she was not afraid to release all these stuff. It's called, it's called the double mastectomy. I've always wanted. Christi Wedel: What is the name of that book again? Okay, I'm gonna look Pete: It's by Erica Newbert. I'll send you a link to the book, definitely. But Erica was a good friend of the show. I got a copy of it, like I said. And it was something real. Let me tell you, it was something real and raw to read, man. But the pictures alone were just like, wow. Like, what do you mean the fact that you just say full front? It's just the fact that she's showing you these things she's going through. And they're telling her these look good. It looks like some stuff out of Scar. Like, that's what she even refers to during our interview. Christi Wedel: you Pete: It things like that, you know, and it's it's was interesting as well when she had she'd come on, we were talking about about it. said, dude, it's just real raw, man. It's just it was hard to read at times because you're like looking at this and like, holy crap, this is someone's life. You know, and she's like, they're telling me the scars look good and they look like saw scars. And she kept calling them. I was like, holy crap. The stitching was like it was horrendous to look at. But it was just like. It was so interesting because you saw the perspective of what she's dealing with and then how she takes back her womanhood because she didn't feel like a woman at one point because she's in a honey breast. What do you identify most with? It's like, OK, boobs are great combo with women a lot of times. Saying, that's the usual number one thing. Well, Erica was like, watch her regain her power back because she's going through all these things and she's showing you the pictures of this step as it's happening. And it was an interesting book to read. Christi Wedel: Yeah Pete: And like I said, I got a little weird look, so I didn't care. I enjoyed it. I didn't care what people thought about what I was thinking. was like, I'm telling you. I'm the first thing to tell you, I don't give a shit what people think. you know, but it's definitely an interesting book to read for sure. I'll have to send you a link to what the book is. But Erica is a good friend of the show too. So she was really cool and everything like that. I still follow her to this day and things like that. Look out for anything else. She may write after that. But it was really, she said that a lot of the stuff she kept getting was like, Christi Wedel: Yeah, who cares? Who cares what people think? That's all. Pete: A lot of guys kept messaging and saying that the partners of the other people are like, hey, I appreciate what you're doing and things like that too. So you'll never know. Maybe you'll start getting those too, because it's only been August since this book has been out. And by the time this episode airs in March or April, whenever it comes out, people start seeing it. People go check it out. Maybe you'll get some more responses like that from people saying, hey, listen, my wife or somebody I know could really use this book. I gifted it to them. And your story helped them and things like that as well. So that's hopefully the outcome of this thing. is to get more spread and things like that for you to other people so they can get to check out the book, you know, because obviously it's an award winning book. It's really good. You know, people obviously want to read it. So why not get some more people out there read it? Christi Wedel: love it. I would love to get it in treatment centers for women, like rehabs and stuff like that. I feel like if I had been, because I did go to a 30 day inpatient rehab to get sober and I feel like, you know, I like if I had seen a book like that and you have nothing to do, you have nothing but time on your hands. I mean, obviously there's structured stuff to go to and all of that, but then there's a lot of free time. And so to read a book like that and to have known that, ⁓ okay, when I get out of here, there's hope for me. Pete: Mm-hmm. Christi Wedel: You know, because that was part of it. was like, I'm great in rehab because there's no alcohol in rehab, but I have to go out after 30 days and I have to live in this real world where I can walk to the convenience store or whatever. can go down the street and get whatever I want. It's all right there. And so just to be able to read something like that and to know that, Hey, when I get out of here, this woman's been sober for 10 years. Holy crap. That seems like Pete: Exactly. Right? Exactly. Christi Wedel: When you are sitting in rehab, 10 years, even two or three or five years, sounds like, the heavens have opened up, like holy shit, because I couldn't stay sober one day. So when you talk about, you know, 10 years, it's like, what? ⁓ my God, that gives me hope, you know? Pete: Right, exactly. Christy, as we start getting ready to wrap up this episode of Pete First Anxiety, I am gonna ask you two questions, okay? One of them is just a fun one I've asked to a lot of people I picked up from a friend of mine. So the question to you that I ask everybody is that if your mental health had a song, what would you say that song would be? This is a good question, I'm telling you. This is a good question. We had... Christi Wedel: You're gonna laugh. the first song that came to mind was Michael Jackson's beat it Pete: Okay, BD came up once already, yeah. Christi Wedel: Okay, I don't know why, but that seems strange, but my mind, maybe because it's like a drum, it's always beating in different directions. I don't know. ⁓ Pete: It could be. That's true. So yeah, you know, that's that's that's not the first time Michael Jackson was mentioned. Beat It was mentioned by somebody else this morning. What was it? Kelly Clarkson, I think, was this morning. You and it's always a fun question because it's like it's interesting to hear people's perspectives because I'm like, I tell people that I'm like, you can break it down however you want. Like my anxiety song is artificial suicide by bad omens. then my depression songs or Turn the Light On, Lethal Leave the light on tuck away the dark by Papa Roach and then it was a different kind of pain by cold You know, so because music is a big inspiration with my life. I listen music a lot of times and you know, and things like that, too I'm always listening to different kind of music things like that. The actual song for this season's actually one is Actually by a good friend note. He actually wrote the song for this season's opener and things like that last season It was let me bleeds What is it? Is it me? You know, and they were big supporters of the show and things like that too said I could use her you songs and things like that. So it's been great, you know, having different people come on, these artists come on, get their perspectives on things. my next question, and the reason I started this podcast is if you could break the stigma about mental health, you you could use recovery for yours, could use, you could do whatever you want to say. What do you think the one thing you would say you want to break the stigma about? Christi Wedel: my goodness, so much. So ⁓ gonna give you the shortest version I know how. So about 90, I would ⁓ 99 to 90, 98 to 90 % of people who are in active addiction, early recovery, long-term recovery, have addiction issues at all, have mental health issues. So these two things are very, very closely woven together, unfortunately. But fortunately, ⁓ getting a Pete: Mm-hmm. Christi Wedel: proper diagnosis of, like if you're watching this or listening to this and you are struggling with anxiety, ruminating thoughts, thoughts of suicide, even just, gosh, I can't get that one thing out of my mind. Maybe it's OCD, maybe it's, you know, who knows? But I would implore you to go get yourself checked out by a mental health professional. Please don't use chat GPT or ⁓ Google. Pete: God, yeah, somebody says it Suddenly somebody says it. Christi Wedel: ⁓ that is. Yeah, please for the love go and get officially diagnosed. And then also I would say, know, if you're struggling with with drugs or alcohol, there is no shame in reaching out and getting help. And you don't have to take it as far down as like someone like me where I'm an unemployable. And, you know, if your life feels like unmanageable and you keep having these same things happen in your life where, you know, Pete: Exactly. Christi Wedel: ⁓ I had 14 shots last night and I made an ass of myself and maybe I should slow down. You know, it's okay to reach out for help even if you're just at that point. Because what I don't want to have happen is you have mental health, it goes unchecked, you self-medicate with drugs and alcohol. Pete: Yeah. I love it. Absolutely. Chrissy, thank you so much for coming to be a guest of the show today. I appreciate you being here. Chrissy, before we sign off, why don't you plug where everybody can find you? What's the best place to reach you? And of course, go check out the book, guys. know, Shadows of Serenity. Definitely, please check it out for her because we love her. We love her energy. We love her energy here. We loved having her here. We want you to go support her, of course. So Chrissy, laying on them, where's the best place they can find you? Awesome. I love it. I love it, Chrissy. Thank you so much again for being here. know, and we appreciate you coming. If you decide to write anything else in the future, let us know. We'd love to invite you to come back and be a guest again. It was great having you. You know, and with that being said, guys, we're going to wrap up this episode of Pete versus Anxiety. You guys don't want to find me on Pete versus Anxiety. I'm X all the down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify all the way down to Pandora Radio. And as I always say, it costs nothing absolutely nothing to be kind to somebody. One kind act you can do can save their life or hell, you can make their day. I'm Pete versus Anxiety signing off saying, don't ask how your day is today. Say, hey, how's your mental health?