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5 ways to keep a narcissist away from you · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So how do you keep a narcissist away from you?
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  That's the topic of today's video.
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  Y'all, if you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
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  And welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  So boom, yes, yes, yes, yes y'all let yes Lord, how on
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  earth, earth do you keep a narcissist away from you?
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  How do you how do you like once the relationship ends, once the
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  relationship has been done, once you are disconnected from this
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  person? How the hell do you keep them
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  away from you? So today we're going to go over
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  a few methods. I have 5.
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  I have a list of five things, but it might be a little bit
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  more, it might be a little bit less.
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  I have them written now, but we're going to go, yeah, y'all.
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  Y'all know you, You're here. So, you know, I like to play it
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  by ear, right? You know, like, I'm here, Lee's
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  here. He likes to play it by ear.
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  So let's let it ride right here, y'all.
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  So when the relationship is over, how do you keep a
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  narcissist away? How?
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  The first thing you want to do is to cut off whatever form of
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  supply that they're getting from you.
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  You have to cut it off. You have to drain you.
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  It's kind of like you have to drain the swamp.
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  You have to the the you have to let let out the let all the
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  water out of the bottle. If this bottle is not like if
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  this bottle is the supply that they were getting from you,
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  right? See how full this bottle is?
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  You have to pour it all out until it looks like this until
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  it's empty. No, I didn't pour it on the
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  floor, y'all. I have two different bottles,
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  but that happens right there. So you have to be willing to
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  pour it all out. Cut off whatever type of supply
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  that they are getting from you. Willie, how do I know what type
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  of supply? Look at your relationship.
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  What do you why do you think this person was with you?
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  Why? Well, Lee, I, I, I, I gave him
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  money. It's financial supply.
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  Cut off the financial supply. Well, Lee, I gave them love.
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  Cut off the love supply, which is totally which is difficult as
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  hell. Well, Lee, we clap cheeks really
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  good. Cut off the cheeks.
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  That look, look, you, you have to seal, seal up the cheeks.
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  Abandoned the cheeks. You said you have to.
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  You have to. This is something that you have
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  to absolutely do, right? This is something that you have
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  to you. You need to do.
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  This is not me joking. This is not me making it up.
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  This is something that that's going to be required of you to
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  keep this person out of your life.
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  To keep this person away from you is going to require you to
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  to cut off the whatever supply that they're getting from you.
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  You have to cut it off. You just have to finances
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  emotional connection, physical physical connection.
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  Like if even if you were just a a voice to listen to, if you
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  were their emotional punching bag, you have to cut it off.
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  Turn that look, turn the knob down low, turn off the switch.
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  Whatever supply do they get it from you make it go dark.
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  Make the supply go dark so they can't like say once the supply
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  goes dark, typically they leave you alone.
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  Notice I said typically because it doesn't mean it is not a
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  foolproof plan, Y'all, It doesn't mean that well 100%
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  leave you alone. There's there's subtle
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  intricacies that work here. It doesn't mean 100% that they
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  will leave you alone like that's the way they go about doing
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  things. They like to mess with you.
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  They like to do this type of stuff tough this type of stuff
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  to you to get supply from you right.
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  So whatever form and supply that they're getting from you, you
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  have to cut it off. You just have to and that's like
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  that. We'll leave this tough, Leo.
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  If it was easy, everybody would be doing it, wouldn't it?
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  You know? So the next thing that I have
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  down right here is to give them no reaction.
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  If you still have to deal with this person, right?
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  If you still have to deal with, if you have kids, whatever you
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  can't, you have to control your reactions because this kind of
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  goes back to number one. This could kind of fall under,
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  this could be like this could be a bullet point under #1 but you
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  have to cut off the reactions. Some narcissistic people are
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  fuelled fuelled maybe they get supply from your reactions.
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  You have to, you know a lot of times people will require,
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  people will call this the grey rock technique, right?
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  They were, they called this the grey rock.
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  When you become emotionally unresponsive to this person,
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  pretty much like whatever emotions that you normally would
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  give them or you would feed them or whatever, you cut it off.
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  You become boring to this person, like when you stop
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  giving them the reactions, when you stop giving them that energy
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  for your reactions, typically they leave you be.
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  You know, typically they run off, they gallivant off, they do
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  whatever they need to do, but they disappear, right?
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  Typically, like I said, y'all, this is not a foolproof science.
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  This is not foolproof, but it has worked for a lot of people.
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  You have to stop giving them your reactions.
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  But Lee, if they trigger me and I have to respond, you don't
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  have to, y'all. I know I feel like you.
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  I know you want to. I know you feel like it will
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  make you feel better. I know, Lee.
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  I can't take I can't take it, y'all.
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  You have to get control of your reactions.
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  This is pretty much the equivalent of taking your power
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  back once you take your power, right?
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  What else can they do to you? Once you stand in your truth,
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  once you stand on it, once you stand on it, there's nothing
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  that they can they can really do to you, right?
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  So you have to be able to stand on it.
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  You have to be able to stand on your truth.
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  You have to stand in your power. You absolutely have to be able
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  to do that to stop giving them your reactions.
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  Believe David, I want to look. I'm telling you, nobody, maybe
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  you get mad like I'm talking, talking with my kids.
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  You have to control those reactions or else they'll just
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  keep, they'll just keep doing it.
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  They'll keep messing with you because they know they'll keep
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  messing with you. They'll keep coming back into
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  your life because they know how to push your buttons.
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  I've said this before in previous videos.
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  You have to change the access code to your reactions.
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  You have to change the access code to your triggers.
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  Boo Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo, Boo Boo Boo.
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  Instead of being able to put 321 pound and setting you off, you
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  have to change your reaction code to 123 pound or two 213 or
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  231 whatever you have to you have to change it up so they can
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  go Boo Boo, Boo Boo Boo Boo. You want to hear them and they
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  get bored. You have you want to bored them
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  y'all, The 3rd way that I have put down is no contact.
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  You want to keep an artist, This is the way go no contact because
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  this again y'all, this is kind of pulling up going into the
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  into the other two as well. This kind of they all flow
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  together. If you think about it, all this
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  stuff flows together. All of it is on the same Creek
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  of taking your power back, right?
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  It's getting them to leave you alone.
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  Like no contact, no access. Like yo, I've done a ton.
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  You Google just going down. You don't have to Google.
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  You can Google it, but type in no contact Lee Hammond, watch
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  how many videos I have about no contact because that's how
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  important it is. I don't feel like I feel like I
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  talk about no contact more than damn near more than I talk about
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  anything else because no contact is is so important.
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  No contact is so important. It just is one of those things
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  that is so important, matters so much.
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  So I talk about it a lot because it matters.
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  Going no contact gets them to leave you be because the ones
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  that yeah, will will it aggravate some of them?
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  Yes, but you have to stay no contact.
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  Just going no contact is not enough.
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  You have to stay no contact. Don't say that.
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  Don't put a limit on your no contact.
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  I'm going to be no contact for a month, then I'm going to reach
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  out to them. Why, Why would you go no contact
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  for a month and then reach out to them?
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  They're just opening the door for them to come back and treat
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  you worse. So if you're going, if you're
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  going to go no contact, stay no contact, plan on being no
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  contact forever because that's important.
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  That's absolutely important. So if you, if you're going to be
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  no contact, stay no contact and go about it that way.
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  Yeah, this is one of them. This is again one of those
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  things that kind of becomes a necessity on your healing
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  journey right there. You know hill and journey.
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  So no contact is extremely, extremely important.
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  It absolutely is on this journey right here.
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  So no contact is how you get them to leave you alone because
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  they become bored, they become exhausted, they leave you be.
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  Well, some of them get aggravated and keep beating on
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  the door. Keep trying to find ways to
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  contact you. Absolutely yes.
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  It doesn't work for everybody out.
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  This is why you can change you. You have to.
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  These are interchangeable. You have to try try different
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  things for different people. Not every single thing is going
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  to work the same way. Now every single thing is going
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  to have the exact same effect on each, each and every single
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  person. Everything, everybody works
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  differently, right? So no contact is the the number
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  3 way #4 it's low contact, low contact, low, low, minimal
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  contact. Because let's be real, not
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  everybody can go no contact. Sometimes there's court orders
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  for communication, there's court orders apps.
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  You have to stay in contact with people because of business
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  relationships or kids or houses and whatever it is, loans,
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  whatever it is, right money, whatever it is.
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  So low contact is how you get them to leave you alone because
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  you're not entertaining it. Whatever you whatever is the
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  reason you have to stay in contact with this person, keep
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  it only keep any conversation minimal and about that reason,
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  anything outside that reason, anything that goes outside the
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  purview in the anything that goes outside the boundaries of
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  this of this reason you don't respond to you don't entertain
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  low contact makes you boring low contact like even if they say,
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  hey, hope you've been well. Hey, just thought about this
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  song reminded me of you. Hey, I saw this.
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  Hey, I saw that. Hey, you have this.
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  Hey, have you seen that? No, we're not being like, we're
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  not being friends. You can be friendly, but low,
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  low contact only about the topic or the subject that you have to
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  be in contact with them for. Nothing more, nothing less.
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  I'm just telling you, if you want to survive by narcissists,
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  this is yeah, this is this is important.
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  It just is low contact, removing all emotional reactions,
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  emotional attachments, and just responding when necessary, just
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  reaching out when necessary. Low contact is how you keep them
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  away. It's like the the narc, the narc
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  spray I talk about sometimes. Y'all in the last way, the
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  number 5 way. Y'all can, if y'all think of
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  other ways to keep them away other than filing restraining
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  orders and, you know, embarrassing them and exposing
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  them, of course you can expose them to keep them away.
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  That's a bonus. That's a bonus way right there.
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  Exposure keeps them away sometimes.
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  Yeah, because they are afraid exposure or the threat of
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  exposure is a bonus method, a bonus way right there.
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  Because they don't want, they don't want the world to know who
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  they really are and they don't want to lose their livelihood or
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  their lifestyle. So a lot of times they get
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  afraid to get exposed. So those are bonus ways right
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  there. I told you I was going to add
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  and subtract some. So those are bonus ways.
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  Exposure, the threat of exposure.
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  They thought of exposure. They don't want people to know
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  who they really are. So they try to keep things on
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  the tabs and sometimes they'll just leave you alone because
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  they think you're going to expose them.
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  Right. And the last way I'm going to
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  talk about, it's going to be the simplest way, y'all, not the
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  simplest way. It's going to be the most common
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  sense way. Setting boundaries, saying the
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  word no, setting boundaries when you have to be in contact with
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  this person, like if you absolutely have to be in contact
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  with this person, setting boundaries is going to be
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  probably the main way to keep this type of person away from
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  you. There's just the truth of it
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  right there. Y'all set it.
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  Being able to set healthy, strong boundaries is going to
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  help keep this person away from you.
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  That's just the way it's going to go all the time.
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  Healthy, strong, immutable boundaries.
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  Send the word no. Not being afraid to shift, not
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  being afraid to react, not being afraid to do a certain a lot of
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  different things. Keeping up boundaries.
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  Boundaries are meant to keep you safe, keeping you strong.
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  If you're not comfortable with doing something or saying
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  something or going somewhere or doing or you know, reaching out
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  to somebody, set those boundaries and stay strong to
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  Narcissists hate boundaries. If you didn't set boundaries
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  when you were in a relationship with them and you start setting
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  them when you're out of it, they tend to stay away from you.
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  They hate boundaries. They hate them.
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  Look up Google boundaries. What what are boundaries?
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  What boundaries are effective against narcissists?
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  Because this helps you on the on the on the road, on the road as
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  well. Y'all meet with y'all.
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  If I miss some feel free to add them below.
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  I still do my one on ones over zoom.
• 12:43
  Mental illness.net. I have a group coach, I have
• 12:45
  group coaching courses, I have support groups, all the other
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  stuff. Check out mental illness.net for
• 12:50
  more of y'all. If you follow me on Facebook, my
• 12:52
  Facebook has been hacked. Do not respond to messages on
• 12:55
  Facebook until I get it back and working right now.
• 12:57
  Y'all thank y'all so much. Mental illness is out.
• 12:59
  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
• 13:01
  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you.
• 13:04
  Have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 13:06
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps reach more
• 13:08
  people and click on the screen to watch another video or to
• 13:10
  browse through another playlist. There's also a link on the
• 13:13
  screen to check out my courses and my support groups to help
• 13:16
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 13:18
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 13:20
  video. Peace.