Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 145: Overwhelmed by Recent Changes? You Are Not Alone. (Empathy and Awareness: Honoring the Impact of Executive Orders)

Transcript

145: Overwhelmed by Recent Changes? You Are Not Alone. (Empathy and Awareness: Honoring the Impact of Executive Orders) · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:21
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:24
  It has been a week.
• 0:26
  Hasn't it?
• 0:27
  This has been a week of significant impact for so many people.
• 0:32
  I confess that I recently relistened to the episode that dropped last week.
• 0:36
  I know that I told you that I'd be talking about goal setting for the whole month of January.
• 0:40
  You guys, if you can believe it, it is still January.
• 0:43
  This has been the longest month ever.
• 0:45
  It is still January.
• 0:48
  But as I listened to that last episode, I thought.
• 0:51
  This just feels so out of touch.
• 0:53
  I need to do more.
• 0:55
  So instead of talking about goal setting today, we're going to be talking about empathy.
• 0:58
  Specifically we're going to be talking about the personal impact that all of the political changes have had on.
• 1:07
  Well, our country at large.
• 1:08
  So I just wanted to share a few things about that.
• 1:11
  But, so this is just a trigger warning for you.
• 1:13
  I know a lot of you're very sensitive to this.
• 1:14
  You're already feeling overwhelmed.
• 1:16
  If you are feeling overwhelmed, take some time for you.
• 1:19
  You can come back and listen to this later.
• 1:22
  My intention is to create connection and hope to help us to better understand each other.
• 1:26
  To help us to see the impact that a lot of these policies have had on individuals, their families, their communities.
• 1:33
  And so I'm not trying to focus on the doom and gloom.
• 1:35
  But I do believe that we can create lasting impact through that connection, through that community, through that empathy.
• 1:43
  So before I jump in to today's episode, I just want to take a minute to tend to both my nervous system and yours.
• 1:51
  So take a little moment to just kind of check in with your body.
• 1:56
  Just check in with your body.
• 1:57
  Notice what's happening.
• 1:58
  Put both of your feet on the ground.
• 2:00
  And just feel for a minute.
• 2:03
  Notice if there's any places of tension.
• 2:07
  Notice if there's any places where you're feeling tight.
• 2:10
  I know often when people are experiencing overwhelm, their mind is so busy that they forget to check into their body.
• 2:17
  So notice.
• 2:18
  notice if you're feeling thirsty and if you need a drink, Notice if your body needs to move.
• 2:24
  Take a minute right now to just check in with your body.
• 2:27
  To see what is needed.
• 2:30
  Now for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I noticed that different parts of my body kind of clench up.
• 2:35
  So, what I like to do is just consciously touch myself on different places on the body, just to help it, to relax a little bit, to remind my body that, Hey, it's okay.
• 2:44
  Just to kind of tend and befriend to my body.
• 2:46
  So, if you're watching me on YouTube, you can follow along.
• 2:48
  If you're just listening, then I'm going to be explaining what I'm doing.
• 2:52
  But we're just going to kind of focus on a few different body parts and just kind of remind them to relax.
• 2:57
  So we're going to start by having you touch between your eyes, right.
• 3:00
  Between your eyebrows.
• 3:02
  Notice if your brow is furrowed and just kind of feel those little micro muscles relax.
• 3:09
  Next move your fingers to your jaw.
• 3:12
  I feel your jaw.
• 3:13
  Relax.
• 3:13
  Notice if you were tensing your jaw.
• 3:17
  And see if you can relax just each of these that we're touching to see if we can relax some by just 1%, just a little bit.
• 3:24
  Next touch your neck and your shoulders.
• 3:28
  Again, notice if they've been feeling clenched.
• 3:30
  If they've been feeling tight, if your shoulders are kind of hunched up in tension.
• 3:35
  And just kind of send them some love and remind them to relax.
• 3:38
  Maybe you want to even roll your shoulders back a little bit.
• 3:42
  Okay next, just kind of touch your back.
• 3:47
  A lot of you carry a lot of tension in your jaw, your shoulders, your back.
• 3:51
  You're literally carely carrying the weight of the world.
• 3:54
  So we're just going to remind it to just relax.
• 3:59
  Okay, next.
• 4:00
  I want you to put your hands on your belly and notice what's happening there.
• 4:04
  Notice, if you're feeling hungry.
• 4:06
  I noticed if you're feeling full notice, if you're feeling nauseous, But send some love to your belly.
• 4:15
  Okay, next slide your hands down to your hips and remind them to relax.
• 4:19
  Maybe you kind of want to wiggle around a little bit to loosen them up.
• 4:22
  But allow your hips to relax.
• 4:26
  Okay, next slide your hands down, your thighs to your knees.
• 4:31
  Sometimes for me, when I feeling stressed, then my legs start to get really tight for me.
• 4:35
  That's where my stress starts is in the legs.
• 4:37
  So just notice where your stress starts for you and.
• 4:40
  And just ask your legs to relax.
• 4:44
  Okay next.
• 4:44
  If you're super flexible, you can do both feet at once.
• 4:47
  Maybe you want to sit criss-cross maybe you want to do it one foot at a time.
• 4:50
  But send some love to your feet.
• 4:52
  Maybe you want to rotate your ankles.
• 4:54
  Wiggle your toes.
• 4:57
  But relax even all the way down to your toes.
• 5:04
  Okay.
• 5:04
  Now put both feet on the ground.
• 5:05
  I'm going to have you put one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly.
• 5:09
  And we're just going to breathe for a minute.
• 5:11
  Okay.
• 5:11
  I want you to breathe all the way down to your belly.
• 5:13
  So inhale through the nose.
• 5:18
  And exhale.
• 5:23
  Big inhale.
• 5:27
  And exhale.
• 5:32
  Okay, one more time.
• 5:33
  Big inhale.
• 5:37
  And exhale.
• 5:41
  Thank you.
• 5:43
  So, unless you have been living under a rock, you know that this last week in the U S has been chaotic.
• 5:49
  To say the least.
• 5:51
  And I know that the empath and the highly sensitive people are feeling this the most.
• 5:57
  I wanted to check in with you.
• 5:59
  So I ask on my social media, if you aren't following on social media, come and follow me there I am on YouTube.
• 6:04
  Tick tock, Facebook, Instagram, you can find all my socials in the show notes.
• 6:08
  But I asked on my social media.
• 6:10
  I said, how are you?
• 6:12
  And how have the last seven days directly impacted you?
• 6:16
  And I wanted to share on here some of the answers that I received.
• 6:20
  I'm sharing this because I know a lot of you really do feel the weight of the world.
• 6:24
  Sometimes we only see things that impact us directly.
• 6:27
  And I know a lot of cognitive empathizers also listen to this podcast as a way to deepen their own awareness.
• 6:32
  So I'm going to just share with you a few of the things that were said on my social media, about how this last week has impacted them directly.
• 6:40
  I hope that as you listen, it's going to help a lot of you to not feel so alone.
• 6:44
  Sometimes the overwhelm comes from feeling like we're the only ones being impacted.
• 6:49
  So I hope that as I share these things.
• 6:51
  It's not only going to create empathy for others, but that it will also help you to feel that sense of community.
• 6:58
  And connection.
• 7:02
  Okay.
• 7:02
  One person said my husband's job isn't secure.
• 7:06
  My state overturned gay marriage.
• 7:08
  I don't know yet what this is going to mean for me and my family.
• 7:13
  Our school is losing funding for its free and reduced lunch program.
• 7:19
  Me and my husband both work remotely for different installations.
• 7:22
  Right now we're trying to decide who will keep their job and who will quit so we can stay together.
• 7:30
  Our daughter just lost her job on campus.
• 7:32
  It's research-based and they get samples from the federal government.
• 7:35
  Her summer internship is also on hold.
• 7:39
  It isn't giving her a lot of hope for her upcoming graduation.
• 7:43
  My son is in a title one school and has an IEP.
• 7:47
  And I'm terrified.
• 7:49
  The impact is harsh and painful.
• 7:52
  When the community is hurting, it impacts us all.
• 7:56
  I'm dealing with the emotional fallout from trans clients and friends, potentially losing health insurance for me and my kids.
• 8:03
  Emotionally, I am just so drained from empathy overload.
• 8:08
  I'm trans and leaving on a trip.
• 8:10
  out of the country.
• 8:11
  And I don't know yet if I'll be able to leave the country or return to this country with my passport..
• 8:20
  I haven't been taking very good care of myself lately.
• 8:23
  I'm not working out.
• 8:24
  I'm not doing much of anything.
• 8:26
  I'm just an overwhelm.
• 8:28
  Here in Oxnard, California, we're witnessing a heartbreaking crisis that is tearing our community apart.
• 8:34
  Ice agents are positioning themselves outside of our elementary schools.
• 8:38
  approaching and questioning parents.
• 8:39
  They stopped coming to school out of fear.
• 8:42
  Immigrants are leaving the fields and food is going bad, which will be increasing our food prices.
• 8:49
  My state just voted to have school boards politically affiliated, and that terrifies me.
• 8:56
  My kids are not safe.
• 8:58
  I have to let ICE in to take my students.
• 9:01
  My kids with disabilities are losing their IEP and 504's.
• 9:05
  My hungry students are losing their free lunch.
• 9:08
  We are living in a dystopian nightmare.
• 9:12
  Thank you so much to all of you that decided to share.
• 9:16
  That is a lot.
• 9:17
  And I just want to honor acknowledge that, that I see you and I hear you.
• 9:22
  And that you are not alone.
• 9:25
  So now I want to share a few things that are happening in my world.
• 9:29
  I'm currently in the state of Utah, where I live, they're pushing to get rid of school counselors.
• 9:34
  And the arts, in the schools, which is heartbreaking to me because the kids need those school counselors now more than ever.
• 9:41
  And art is one of the ways that these kids really feel and process their emotions.
• 9:47
  Uh, even more significant direct impact to me is that my husband is a remote worker.
• 9:52
  And that has allowed us to live in Utah, but because of the recent mandate, he now has 30 days to move back to Kansas.
• 10:02
  30 days is not a long time to move a whole family.
• 10:05
  And so we're choosing to take on the financial burden of maintaining a mortgage while also paying rent.
• 10:11
  For him to be living in Kansas while he looks for a new job.
• 10:16
  We really do live in a type of uncertainty.
• 10:20
  And during this time of division and othering, what we really truly need.
• 10:24
  Is more empathy and understanding.
• 10:27
  When I did ask on my social media, how people were impacted, there were a handful of people that messaged me either privately or commented and said, You know what?
• 10:35
  To be honest, it hasn't impacted me.
• 10:38
  And I'm grateful that you haven't experienced a significant negative impact.
• 10:42
  And I'm grateful for you for listening here so that you can better understand how these different changes have impacted individuals in your community.
• 10:52
  When I was feeling especially low this last week, I'll be honest that I considered taking a break from the podcast here.
• 10:58
  I considered putting it on hold.
• 11:00
  It just seemed like every day was just too much to process all at once.
• 11:04
  And it was interesting, right.
• 11:06
  Because I knew that I've actually successfully done two significant moves across the country.
• 11:12
  And been able to post at least one episode, sometimes two episodes a week for 145 episodes.
• 11:19
  And I was able to plan for that and do that.
• 11:22
  And so it was really interesting for me to see, wow.
• 11:24
  How interesting that I was able to manage my nervous system then.
• 11:28
  And all of the impact now and how that impacts you and your nervous system.
• 11:31
  So I know you're not alone.
• 11:32
  I am right there with you.
• 11:33
  Trying to learn how to navigate all of this.
• 11:36
  Some days, the best I could do is just sit on my couch and overwhelm.
• 11:40
  And I'm not going to dismiss that and I'm not going to shame anyone in that position.
• 11:44
  I truly believe that because I was able to sit in that space and just be okay.
• 11:49
  With not feeling good.
• 11:51
  That I was able to process that faster and work through it faster so that I can do things that are a bit more productive and be able to, and are more supportive essentially for what it is that I'm trying to create.
• 12:01
  So if that's you, if right now the best you can do is just sit on your couch.
• 12:06
  Then good for you for knowing what it is that you need right now.
• 12:10
  It is understandable for you to be in overwhelmed right now, considering everything that is changing so quickly.
• 12:17
  And I also want to encourage you to find those safe spaces to connect.
• 12:21
  That's how we're going to get through this.
• 12:23
  That's what I'm hoping to build here is a platform where you can feel seen, where you can feel heard, where you can feel acknowledged, where you can feel safe.
• 12:30
  And at home.
• 12:31
  When everything is pretty chaotic.
• 12:35
  I know that for myself on day one, when all of the orders were being announced.
• 12:39
  I really could feel myself shutting down and pulling away.
• 12:43
  I wanted to be informed, but there were so many things going on for me.
• 12:48
  Right.
• 12:48
  So it's that struggle of how do I remain informed while also maintaining peace?
• 12:54
  I found myself refraining from reaching out to friends or family, because I wasn't quite sure how they felt about these issues.
• 13:00
  And I think that that's totally normal, right?
• 13:02
  Sometimes we pull in.
• 13:04
  To kind of assess what it is that is needed and assess those safe places.
• 13:07
  See where we can reach out.
• 13:09
  And my goal and intention is to make this a safe place for you.
• 13:12
  I want to be that safe place for you.
• 13:15
  The stress response is fight flight, freeze and fawn.
• 13:19
  And the recovering people pleaser in me.
• 13:21
  It didn't want to cause any waves.
• 13:23
  It didn't want to upset people.
• 13:24
  It didn't want to make anybody mad at me.
• 13:26
  Right.
• 13:27
  I didn't want to upset others by sharing my overwhelm.
• 13:30
  But now I can see how healing.
• 13:33
  Actually sharing your experience can be..
• 13:37
  Last night.
• 13:38
  I attended my first LGBTQ collective meeting here in my county.
• 13:43
  And this is a group of educators, therapists, pastors, allies, and queer members of the community.
• 13:48
  And whoever wants to attend.
• 13:49
  So if you live by me, let me know.
• 13:51
  I'd love to see at a meeting, but the purpose of this meeting was to create safe spaces for feeling and processing so that we can more consciously move forward and create safe spaces for other people that are struggling in our community.
• 14:03
  Within the first few minutes I confess I was really brought to tears to hear about other people's experiences.
• 14:09
  Hm, one queer couple has decided to move to another state, hoping to find more acceptance there.
• 14:15
  Another from our, local woman's shelter shared that their funding had been frozen.
• 14:20
  School counselors were sharing the fears of their students in regard to ICE and what that might mean for their families and for their communities.
• 14:28
  Therapists shared about how their clients were fearful of if they'd even be able to afford therapy due to these proposed changes.
• 14:36
  And when you hear these things, when you hear the direct impact that it has the significant impact that it has on individuals, it's easy to become overwhelmed.
• 14:44
  And also it was so refreshing to be in that space and to witness that level of love.
• 14:50
  And support and empathy in that room.
• 14:55
  It really can be a challenge to find that balance between keeping your peace and remaining informed.
• 15:00
  And sometimes it really is hard to move forward.
• 15:03
  So, what I would say to you is check in with yourself.
• 15:07
  Check in with yourself and see what is needed.
• 15:09
  Make sure that you're eating.
• 15:11
  Make sure that you're getting enough water, make sure that you're getting at least some sunshine each day.
• 15:17
  Sometimes even though it's really uncomfortable sometimes watching the news is what is needed.
• 15:22
  Sometimes being informed.
• 15:23
  Is what is the most needful thing in that moment, even though it's uncomfortable.
• 15:28
  And also maybe sometimes the most needful thing is to just unplug.
• 15:33
  To just take some space and create some distance there.
• 15:36
  It's kind of like drinking out of a fire hose right now.
• 15:39
  And the overwhelm totally makes sense.
• 15:42
  So tune in with yourself and see what it is that is needed and take breaks accordingly.
• 15:49
  A sweet friend and listener wrote me a message after hearing about my family's plight.
• 15:53
  So hi, Jan!, I totally love and appreciate you.
• 15:56
  But she offered me love and support in this message, and I love that she was reaching out to be so encouraging to me during this time.
• 16:04
  And she gave me a reminder.
• 16:05
  She said, Hey, it's okay to take breaks when you need to.
• 16:08
  And she said, remember the even Jimmy Fallon takes time off and plays reruns, nothing like tuning into the tonight show for a little levity in the middle of January.
• 16:16
  And hearing him talk about the upcoming election or Halloween and you know what she's right.
• 16:21
  So I am in the same boat as you guys.
• 16:23
  And.
• 16:24
  I don't know what's going to happen moving forward.
• 16:26
  So I'm just going to kind of feel it out, especially over the next 30 days as my family's experiencing major transitions, there might be an episode.
• 16:33
  There might not be.
• 16:34
  But I'm hoping within 30 days, things will settle and things can be a bit more consistent.
• 16:39
  But if you are listening to a replay, Just no, I'm still here for you.
• 16:44
  I'm still here for you.
• 16:46
  I know that right now, what it is that we need is more kindness, more patience, more sympathy and more empathy.
• 16:54
  And these are all gifts that you have as my listeners.
• 16:57
  You are all the empaths the highly sensitive people, and we need your gifts now more than ever.
• 17:02
  I know that as you work to love and nurture you.
• 17:06
  It's going to have a significant impact on the world, around you.
• 17:09
  It's that ripple effect.
• 17:10
  When we do the work for us, it has that ripple effect to help other people.
• 17:15
  Your sensitivity is a gift.
• 17:17
  And I know that you're overwhelm right now is probably saying that your sympathy and that your empathy and your sensitivity is the problem.
• 17:23
  It is not the problem.
• 17:24
  It's the solution.
• 17:26
  And I want to show you how to move that out into the community, how to create more sympathy and empathy for other people.
• 17:33
  And because of that, if you are someone who has been directly impacted by these orders, I want to offer you a discounted rate on my services.
• 17:41
  So please come and reach out to me.
• 17:43
  Let's talk about your situation and let's get you the help and support that you need right now.
• 17:49
  Additionally, if you are somebody that's wanting to know how to help.
• 17:52
  And if you feel led and inspired to please check out the link in the show notes where you can make a donation to sponsor a client.
• 18:00
  I would love to fill up my schedule with people to help and to serve.
• 18:04
  And any size of donation can help with that.
• 18:08
  We are going to get through this.
• 18:11
  And our empathy and sensitivity can be a catalyst for change.
• 18:17
  So I love you guys.
• 18:18
  Truly.
• 18:20
  You're not alone.
• 18:21
  And additionally, I would really, truly love to get emails from you.
• 18:25
  I want to know how you are being impacted.
• 18:28
  I want to know what's going on for you in your state, in your county.
• 18:32
  I want to know the impact so that I can better show up for you here on the podcast.
• 18:36
  So please send me an email.
• 18:38
  Tell me how you're doing.
• 18:40
  I would really love to hear from you.
• 18:42
  There is a lot to process.
• 18:44
  But you don't have to do it alone.
• 18:46
  So I love you guys.
• 18:48
  And I'll see you next week.
• 18:49
  Bye now.