Latest / The Hypnotist / Guest Hypnotist Kevin Moran on The Impact on Male Victims
Transcript
- 0:00Welcome to The Hypnotist, the show that gives you inside
- 0:03access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing genuine
- 0:07issues. Brought to you by the
- 0:10hypnotherapist, demanded by celebrities, CEOs and even
- 0:14royalty. Adam Cox.
- 0:16These recordings took place live from Adam's clinic in London's
- 0:19world famous Harley Street. This podcast features powerful
- 0:23hypnosis, so do not listen while driving or operating machinery.
- 0:27This recording is not suitable for those with epilepsy or
- 0:30severe mental health issues, so get yourself comfortable and
- 0:34enjoy today's episode of The Hypnotist.
- 0:41Hi, it's Adam here and welcome to the hypnotist.
- 0:44And today I'm not going to be your hypnotist.
- 0:46I have a guest hypnotist joining me to have a chat about hypnosis
- 0:51and then do a little bit of hypnosis for you.
- 0:54So welcome to the show, Kevin Moran.
- 0:57Hi, thank you for inviting me today, Adam.
- 1:00Great to have you on the show. We met very briefly at the Irish
- 1:04Hypnotherapy Conference. I think you flew all the way
- 1:06from the States to to Ireland. For those that don't know you,
- 1:10give us a bit of an intro to who you are and the type of hypnosis
- 1:14you like to do. Yes.
- 1:17So my name is Kevin. I am a hypnotherapist and coach
- 1:22who works with general issues, sexual issues, especially sexual
- 1:28trauma, anxiety in the bedroom. I also work with adults who are
- 1:35dealing with multiple issues through emotional Wellness
- 1:39coaching that involves a program over multiple sessions involving
- 1:44using specialist techniques such as the Bunny talk process which
- 1:48was taught to me by Claudia Ricard.
- 1:50I also offer extended coaching sessions, which not not everyone
- 1:56does, where one can see their hypnotherapist every six months,
- 2:03not unlike a dental cleaning because we get dental cleanings
- 2:07every six months for our or long term oral health so why not the
- 2:13same for hypnosis and mental health?
- 2:16No, I think I think it's a great idea and I think people
- 2:19underestimate just like how life can take its toll.
- 2:21And, and I think in my experience, a lot of people will
- 2:25see a hypnotherapist if they've got a very clearly defined
- 2:28problem or if it's reached the point of really affecting the
- 2:32quality of their life. Maybe it is, you know, some kind
- 2:35of trauma or intrusive thoughts or it might be an issue like
- 2:37weight loss. But I think actually there is
- 2:39another side to that coin, which is if it can help deal with a
- 2:43problem, surely it can help just enhance the quality of your
- 2:45life. You don't need a problem to
- 2:47benefit from hypnotherapy. What was it that led you to
- 2:52become aware of or interested in hypnotherapy?
- 2:56Was it something specific or you just became curious about it?
- 3:01Well, I had a curiosity with hypnosis from an early age, but
- 3:05the first experience I had real. Experience.
- 3:10That I had with hypnosis and hypnotherapy was when I was 12
- 3:15years old. I was in a sitting on the grass
- 3:20in a town square and there were these two girls, didn't know
- 3:24them, but they were playing around with trance and hypnosis.
- 3:29I'm not sure if they knew what that was at the time, but they
- 3:32invited me over and did some work on me.
- 3:37That led me into a very relaxed state and we ate.
- 3:42There were Hornets nearby in the grass.
- 3:45I had a fear of bees at the time and while in this deeply relaxed
- 3:53trance state, I felt Hornets crawling across my hands and I
- 3:59didn't react and. The.
- 4:03Girl who was doing the hypnotizing was doing
- 4:08hypnotherapy and didn't even know it because after that I no
- 4:11longer had a fear of bees and of course the neuro pathways.
- 4:17It rewilded and the phobia disappeared.
- 4:21And from that point on I became very interested in hypnosis and
- 4:27hypnotherapy in general as I was a teenager and as I grew older
- 4:32well into adulthood did dabble in hypnosis.
- 4:36Mostly did it through just recreational having fun with
- 4:42hypnosis with other people. But it wasn't until I was at a
- 4:48low point in my life about 2 1/2 years ago where I decided that
- 4:55going into the new year I was going to change my life, do new
- 4:58things, and one of those things was to take practical hypnosis
- 5:06training. Everything up to that point had
- 5:09been self-taught and I found Mike Mandel appeared on page one
- 5:15in a Google search and I felt the best way to go was to do in
- 5:20person training. So I did his five day in person
- 5:24training in Toronto, had an amazing experience, met another
- 5:29attendee who gave me a free session in the hotel lobby.
- 5:33I went home, people said I was a completely different person.
- 5:37I felt amazing, gave me a new sense of confidence, and that
- 5:41inspired me to pursue hypnotherapy.
- 5:43After that and since then, I've taken many trainings, learned
- 5:48from a lot of different people, very diligently practiced and
- 5:52did a lot of free sessions, and then I launched my practice.
- 5:56Amazing. And, and for those listening
- 5:59that aren't familiar with Mike Mandel, he and a guy called
- 6:03Chris have an excellent podcast called Brain software.
- 6:06I think Mike is a a fantastic trainer, very nice guy as well.
- 6:10So yeah, check out brain software.
- 6:12If you're listening to this podcast, you like hypnosis,
- 6:15check out Brain Software by Mike Mandel.
- 6:18So you did the training and you thought, OK, you know, I could
- 6:21turn this into a, an income stream, you know, and I think
- 6:26the best income streams are that you make money while making the
- 6:29world a better place. You're helping other people and,
- 6:32and, and was that a almost like the reason for the training?
- 6:37Or was it you wanted to get trained and then you thought,
- 6:39well, now I'm trained. I may as well, you know, have
- 6:42this kind of clinic. Which was it, the chicken or the
- 6:44egg that came first for you? I would say the chicken 1st.
- 6:47I wanted to just learn. I was a pure learner.
- 6:50I wanted to learn more hypnosis. The thought of maybe turning it
- 6:55into a career someday did cross my mind, but I felt that
- 7:00learning was what I loved most about it.
- 7:03And I would say in the first two years of my journey, and keeping
- 7:09in mind I also was working a day job, I probably put in the same
- 7:15amount of time and energy into learning.
- 7:20Hypnosis is taking a full course load of college.
- 7:23I really pushed the limits of what I could handle.
- 7:26But that's how much I love hypnosis and wanted to learn and
- 7:30become as good as I possibly could.
- 7:33And I I just loved it so much that eventually, sooner or
- 7:39later, that love of pure learning would crossover into
- 7:43wanting to do it professionally and help people.
- 7:47And I still love learning. It's a never ending journey, but
- 7:50it's nice to be able to. Do both at this.
- 7:53Point Yeah, I think it's an incredible distinction when
- 7:57you're learning something that you want to learn as opposed to
- 7:59learning because you have to learn it.
- 8:01And I remember, you know, at school I knew I was quite smart,
- 8:06but never really wanted to learn what I was being taught.
- 8:09And, and I even did a degree in psychology, but it wasn't what I
- 8:12thought it was going to be. When I did my postgraduate stuff
- 8:16in hypnosis, suddenly I was getting distinctions and very
- 8:19high grades because it was coming from a place of passion
- 8:22and enthusiasm as opposed to, oh, I have to learn this kind of
- 8:26stuff to pass an exam. It's a very different energy.
- 8:29So it's great talking to people that have that kind of passion
- 8:31for learning because it is this kind of moving space.
- 8:35You can't, you know, do a few modules and then you know it.
- 8:39You know that there's always this rabbit hole of I can learn
- 8:42this kind of approach and that kind of approach.
- 8:45What are the modalities or the, let's say the branches within
- 8:49hypnotherapy that particularly captured your imagination?
- 8:53Well, I would have to say it all started with Mike.
- 8:58That was my foundational learning and I knew that as a
- 9:03learner. It was like the building of a
- 9:05house and the work with Mike was the concrete foundation that the
- 9:11rest of the house would be built on.
- 9:14And the rest of that house and all the furniture in it would be
- 9:19what I would gain from going out into the world and learning from
- 9:23other practitioners, whether it was through hypnosis or taking
- 9:28hypnotherapy workshops. And it was always about finding.
- 9:35What appealed to me most? As a learner and a practitioner,
- 9:40because there is so much out there to learn in so many
- 9:45different ways of doing the same stuff.
- 9:49The technique, for example, that we use is only half the
- 9:54equation. The other half is our own
- 9:59personality. And we both know Karl Smith.
- 10:02He talks about the real niche being our personality.
- 10:05So when one person is considering learning something
- 10:08in hypnosis and hypnotherapy, the stuff that works best for us
- 10:13is the stuff that fits us like a glove.
- 10:15If it doesn't, it just seems clunky and weird when that
- 10:19person is using it. So it was always about being, I
- 10:23suppose you could say, the smart shopper.
- 10:26Does this resonate with me? Is this a hypnotherapy workshop
- 10:31that I want to take and that's why I would learn with Kaz Riley
- 10:37and Richard Hill and Timothy September and is enter the Loop.
- 10:43Recently I've trained with Claudia Ricard and her Bunny
- 10:46Talk process has really resonated with me and has become
- 10:50the cornerstone of my extended emotional Wellness program.
- 10:57It's really about, and often when we take these trainings, we
- 11:01get to experience them on the receiving end.
- 11:04And when we do, we're like, Oh my God, this is perfect for me.
- 11:10And it's those ones that really resonate with us where we're
- 11:14going to actually invest the time being as good as we can
- 11:20possibly be and have that be one of our key tools for helping
- 11:25others. Yeah, you you kind of connect
- 11:28with it and listen to the show. Might recall that we had Claudia
- 11:32on as a as another guest hypnotist.
- 11:34And you know, I, I saw so many parallels between Claudia's
- 11:39Bunny talk process and Bob Burns the swan.
- 11:42You know, kind of protocol because it's an evolved version
- 11:45of just idiomotor responses, you know, and and to some extent
- 11:48parts therapy. It's, you know, a, a very
- 11:51powerful, you know, kind of way of communicating with the
- 11:53unconscious to facilitate change.
- 11:55And, you know, it's great that you've kind of connected with
- 11:58that. I think for me it was heart
- 12:01therapy and, and metaphor that really kind of was my thing that
- 12:06really kind of resonated. And, and, and the great thing
- 12:09is, is that you can know about all these kind of modalities and
- 12:12protocols, but you only have to find two or three that really
- 12:16kind of resonate. And I think, I think there's a,
- 12:19a Bruce Lee quote, which is something like, you know, I
- 12:22don't fear that the person that's practiced 10,000 kicks, I
- 12:26fear the person that's practiced one kick 10,000 times.
- 12:29And there is this almost kind of element of ability that comes
- 12:35from finding those tiny distinctions in, in specializing
- 12:39in something rather than I think in all honesty, a mistake that
- 12:42some hypnotherapists make is they dabble in lots and lots and
- 12:45lots of different kind of modalities and protocols and
- 12:48don't really become exceptional in any, in any one of them.
- 12:53Earlier when you mentioned that you know, kind of sexual trauma
- 12:56and and kind of sexual issues was something that I imagine
- 13:00similar to the modalities that resonated with you, that was a
- 13:04topic or an issue that resonated with you.
- 13:07What was there something in particular that kind of made
- 13:10that more appealing than let's say what a lot of people
- 13:13gravitate towards, which is kind of like addictions and habits
- 13:16and weight loss and those kind of things?
- 13:17Was there some reason that that became or almost an area of
- 13:22interest more than other areas for you?
- 13:25Yes, the anything involving recreational hypnosis
- 13:30notwithstanding, I had some own personal traumas of my own as an
- 13:38adult and I had an experience while training with Kaz that
- 13:45really made me realize. What I could?
- 13:49Do with these tools to help people like myself.
- 13:52And it's also an issue that is quite common but rarely talked
- 14:01about. And that is when men are
- 14:07sexually assaulted by women. Nobody talks about that, but it
- 14:12does happen and often we can use the same tools and it can
- 14:18manifest itself in the same ways.
- 14:20Anxiety, pretty much any any other panic attacks and shame
- 14:28and guilt. The sort of stuff that we help
- 14:31with women can be helped for used to help men because not
- 14:37only do we is it the same kind of trauma, we have even more
- 14:44things stacked against us when it does happen after the fact,
- 14:49because we live in a culture that Oh no, this, this doesn't
- 14:52happen to men. Maybe in prison, maybe in the
- 14:55gay community, but it doesn't who?
- 14:57Who said that? That women can act badly and you
- 15:00and I know that's total BS. It does happen.
- 15:06So men will often have to deal with not only the shame and the
- 15:13guilt, but the either the, the, the fact that they are not
- 15:18believed or the perception that they will not be believed.
- 15:24Both with the cultural aspect, believe that we have to be the
- 15:29alpha male. The masculine doesn't happen to
- 15:33men, but it does doesn't have to involve violence.
- 15:37It can involve alcohol, drugs, coercion, manipulation.
- 15:44And it's what I do. I, I work with men who have been
- 15:48through the same situation and I work with women who have been
- 15:52through the same situation. But people need to understand
- 15:56that this issue extends across all genders.
- 16:03And, and, and I think you, you're absolutely right, there
- 16:05is a, a taboo connected with, with any kind of sexual kind of
- 16:12issues. But in particular, you know,
- 16:16almost like the narrative in the same way that a lot of men that
- 16:19are on the receiving end of domestic violence, we'd never
- 16:22talk about that because they would be deemed to be, well,
- 16:25they're, they're weak or they're not strong.
- 16:28Like there's lots of judgement and perceptions connected to
- 16:31these things. So I think because of male
- 16:35stereotypes and kind of societal norms, there was actually a, a
- 16:40penalty almost for kind of talking up about these kind of
- 16:43things, which I imagine for a lot of men, that would mean that
- 16:45they actually hold a lot of, you know, because of the shame and,
- 16:49and, and perhaps fear of judgement.
- 16:52There's a lot of stuff kept inside.
- 16:57And it's great that you specialized in this area because
- 16:59it's, it's a safe space for, for men to kind of communicate with.
- 17:04My perception of a lot of sexual assault in particular is that
- 17:08it's, it's rarely about sex and desire and more about power.
- 17:11What, what, what if the, the, the trends or the, let's say,
- 17:15realizations or evaluations that you've come to working with men
- 17:18in this area that might surprise people that that don't really,
- 17:23you know, have too much knowledge about what happens in
- 17:25this area? Well, it is off.
- 17:29You are correct. It is about power rather than
- 17:32sex. And of course we have women who
- 17:36want to assert that power over a man.
- 17:39It happens. And men, as I mentioned earlier
- 17:44with the culture, men are supposed to be the one in power.
- 17:47That's the way our culture says it has to be.
- 17:50So when a man finds himself not in the position of power, he
- 17:56internalizes that sense of shame, guilt, like I'm there's
- 18:00something wrong with me and there isn't.
- 18:05It doesn't make you any less of a man, because this is the sort
- 18:09of thing that can happen literally to anybody.
- 18:13Yeah, I also think there's a a huge amount of double standards
- 18:17in, in terms of what's OK, because if you know, here in the
- 18:21UK, occasionally there's stories of a female teacher in a sexual
- 18:26relationship with a male student.
- 18:29And quite often if you look at the social media comments on
- 18:33stories like that, it's like, hey, lucky guy, you know, that's
- 18:36the schoolboy's fantasy. Whereas when the roles are
- 18:39reversed and it's kind of like, you know, the narrative isn't
- 18:42sexy female teacher and and male student, it's kind of creepy
- 18:46male teacher and vulnerable female student.
- 18:49Exactly the same power dynamics are taking place there.
- 18:53But when a man does it, it's kind of like, OK, what a creepy
- 18:56predator. And when a female does it, it's
- 18:59kind of like, well, lucky male student there.
- 19:01There's a huge amount of double standards.
- 19:04There was a, a video going around on social media of a
- 19:08fairly attractive woman, in all honesty, forcing like a toddler,
- 19:13we're talking like 2-3 years old to have to, to kiss.
- 19:17OK, now you could see this, this child did not want to do that.
- 19:22But kind of like grabbing the head, forcing a kiss.
- 19:26And I just think it would be a huge backlash if that was a man
- 19:31doing that to like a three-year old girl, whereas actually, you
- 19:35know, a female doing that. And it's kind of like, you know,
- 19:38the overall narratives, lucky little fella, you know, kind of
- 19:42narrative. Like do you see these kind of
- 19:44extreme double standards which don't treat, you know, kind of
- 19:48female power dynamics differently to to male power
- 19:51dynamics? Absolutely.
- 19:54And in the in the United States there is a well documented case
- 19:59where a female teacher began a relationship with a 12, excuse
- 20:03me, 13 year old student. And it was national news, widely
- 20:07publicized. You may or may not have heard of
- 20:09that. And they did wind wind up
- 20:13marrying each other. But at the time it really
- 20:17started a discussion of had that been a male teacher sleeping
- 20:21with a 13 year old student who was a girl, it would have had a
- 20:25completely different response, not just from society, but also
- 20:29from the authorities. A lot of people's like, Oh well,
- 20:32lucky him, he got to sleep with this hot blonde teacher where
- 20:37And it it just raised a lot of questions.
- 20:41Yeah, double. Standard.
- 20:43It's huge amount of double standards because I think there
- 20:46is this kind of, and I, and I think it's a good thing.
- 20:49You know, I think, you know, for, for me, I would describe
- 20:51myself as a feminist in the sense that I believe that, you
- 20:53know, I believe in equal rights and equal opportunities, but,
- 20:59you know, it has to go both ways.
- 21:00It should be like equal standards in terms of, you know,
- 21:04what's OK in terms of crime and criminal and, and and kind of
- 21:09abuse of power, which it is in in a lot of cases that should
- 21:12also be evenly spread. What are the surprising things
- 21:18that you've encountered working with clients that most people
- 21:22wouldn't even be aware of? Well, I have met those who have
- 21:30met. People.
- 21:31Who believed their story initially, but then didn't
- 21:37believe them because solely because they didn't go to the
- 21:41police or file a lawsuit like taking them to court was The X
- 21:47Factor in whether they were telling the truth or not.
- 21:52OK. And for the record, those who
- 21:55lie about being sexually assaulted, it dehumanizes those
- 22:01who have actually been through that trauma.
- 22:04It's it almost I, it pisses me off almost as much as with the
- 22:10perpetrators and yeah, I've. I've met people who basically
- 22:21said that, that it's like, oh, did you go to the police after
- 22:24it happened or have you filed A lawsuit since then?
- 22:28Well, no, I haven't because if I go to court, it's he sheds, he
- 22:34said, she said, so who would believe me?
- 22:38And it's like, Oh, well, if you didn't go to the police and you
- 22:41didn't file a civil lawsuit, even in the face of probably not
- 22:45being believed or anything coming of it, you must be a
- 22:48liar. And it's just another reason why
- 22:53a man wouldn't do that. And it's we face a lot of the
- 22:57same challenges that women have in the aftermath of traumas like
- 23:01that. And I think the, the conviction
- 23:05rates of, of, of something like rape where it's male on female,
- 23:09even if there is kind of, let's say, genetic evidence, like, you
- 23:13know, the, the evidence of penetration and, and kind of
- 23:16sperm and that kind of stuff is still incredibly low.
- 23:19But just the biology of males and females means it's much more
- 23:23difficult to, to prove. And, and again, it comes down to
- 23:26this kind of perception of consent.
- 23:30I think if a woman says that she was sexually assaulted, that's
- 23:33more likely to believe than if a man was to say the same thing,
- 23:37because I think the narrative is that, well, all men want sex
- 23:40and, and they're the initiators. So if it's happening the other
- 23:43way around, I think a lot of people just assumed that, you
- 23:46know, it's either untrue or, or something, or it's, it's not of
- 23:52the same severity. You know, it's, it's somehow,
- 23:55you know, kind of diluted in its, in its significance.
- 23:59What are some of the repercussions of some of that is
- 24:03on the receiving end of sexual assault by a woman?
- 24:07You've mentioned kind of guilt and and shame, you know, does it
- 24:10affect future relationships? What are the some of the
- 24:12implications of that? I can answer that.
- 24:15And one other thing that I wanted to mention based on
- 24:18something you just said a second ago, is I had a case where a man
- 24:25did go to the police after being assaulted by a woman.
- 24:29And when talking to the police, they asked him, well, did you
- 24:34have an erection when it happened?
- 24:36And he said yes. And they were like, Oh, well,
- 24:40then it wasn't rape for that. Reason alone.
- 24:45But those who are well informed on these issues knows that an
- 24:50erection can be involuntary, just as female arousal can be
- 24:55involuntary. Even when they're being
- 24:57assaulted doesn't mean they're enjoying it.
- 25:00It is a physiological response that happens automatically with
- 25:04the body. So to your other question, some
- 25:11of the repercussions for men who have been through these
- 25:15experiences, some of the most common ones that I see are often
- 25:19through bedroom anxiety. They sometimes have performance
- 25:24issues, they have social anxiety, they have panic attacks
- 25:28and some of those things can happen outside.
- 25:32Of the bedroom. But a lot of it can happen
- 25:35inside of the bedroom and it can have a detrimental effect on
- 25:39relationships. I've had men who were very, if
- 25:47they, if their partner decided to take the lead and be
- 25:52assertive in initiating physical contact to have sex, it would
- 25:57trigger them and they would start having anxiety and they're
- 26:03like, no, this, I'm not comfortable with this.
- 26:07So it goes back to the power dynamics.
- 26:09Sometimes they understand consciously that their love,
- 26:14that their lover is just expressing what they want in a
- 26:19healthy fashion, but it doesn't matter because unconsciously
- 26:23they're being triggered by this trauma.
- 26:27So you have anxiety, there's panic attacks, performance
- 26:31issues in bed. And it's not the fault of the
- 26:36partner, it's the fault of the past trauma that this person has
- 26:40experienced. And if we can.
- 26:43Help. Them overcome these triggers and
- 26:46work with them, then they can have a healthy relationship and
- 26:51a healthy sex life with their partner by overcoming these
- 26:56issues that they have in the present day stemming from the
- 27:00past. Yeah.
- 27:03And I think that, I mean, that a good sex life is so important to
- 27:07any kind of relationship. And anything that kind of
- 27:08impedes that, you know, potentially means that good
- 27:12relationships may not work out because, you know, of something
- 27:15that had nothing to do with that relationship but may have had
- 27:18something to do with the previous, previous kind of
- 27:20dramatic event. So, you know, again, you know,
- 27:24if anyone's listened to this and they have, you know, been on the
- 27:26receiving end of something like that, you know, check out, you
- 27:29know, Kevin and, and particularly if it's, you know,
- 27:33if you're a man listening to this, you know, Kevin is the
- 27:35person to to go to, if people are listening and they wanted to
- 27:38kind of learn more about you or reach out, is there a preferred
- 27:41way that they can kind of get in contact with you?
- 27:44Yes, the best way to get in contact me would be via my
- 27:48website acadianrockhypnosis.com. We'll make sure there's a link
- 27:55in the in the description so you don't have to remember that if
- 27:57you're listening. Just check out the description
- 27:59and you can have a look at that. And, and Kevin, is there a
- 28:04hypnosis experience that you're able to share with us that might
- 28:08be useful for anyone listening to this?
- 28:11Yeah, I can. I would say you I mean a
- 28:15hypnosis experience helping someone with this particular
- 28:18issue just. It could be with this or it
- 28:21could be, you know, with, you know, something traumatic of,
- 28:25you know, more broad, but but whatever you feel is, is, is the
- 28:28right thing to do. And I'll I'll, I'll just pretend
- 28:31to be the client in this case. You can direct it at someone,
- 28:33but obviously it's for whoever's listening.
- 28:35OK, I can think of a example. I will say that this actually
- 28:41was with a female client rather than a male client and what she
- 28:46was going through. She initially came to me because
- 28:52she was stuck in a narcissistic marriage.
- 28:56Her husband was doing all the things to her that are the
- 29:01hallmarks of a narcissistic relationship.
- 29:03He would love bomb her. He would gaslight her.
- 29:05He was emotionally and mentally abusive.
- 29:09And when she first came to me, she clearly wanted out but
- 29:15didn't know what to do. She was trying to reason with
- 29:21him, which as we know anybody who's familiar with those kinds
- 29:25of dynamics, A narcissist can't be reasoned with.
- 29:28She was so emotionally born down that she was pretty much her
- 29:36definition of reality had been so skewed that she didn't know
- 29:39what to believe anymore or what to do.
- 29:41And as we work together, it became apparent, and it came
- 29:46out, not in the first session, but apparently came out that she
- 29:50was being sexually abused by her husband as well.
- 29:55And when you have that overlap of narcissistic abuse and sexual
- 30:04abuse, the person may not even realize, the survivor may not
- 30:09realize that they're being sexually abused.
- 30:11And then they may get gaslighted after the fact.
- 30:14Oh, that didn't happen. Oh, you wanted it?
- 30:19You're overreacting. And.
- 30:24They. Don't seek help for that.
- 30:27And usually when somebody might come to me for issues stemming
- 30:32from narcissist abuse, the sexual abuse comes out later or
- 30:37someone will come to me for issues stemming from sexual
- 30:44abuse and then come to find out that there is narcissistic abuse
- 30:48going on. So with this woman that I was
- 30:51working with, knowing that she wanted out, she had already made
- 30:57her personal choice. That's a personal choice.
- 31:00She wanted out of that marriage because it's not our place as
- 31:04hypnotist, therapist, counselors to make that call.
- 31:08So it became about working with her through parts work, through
- 31:13coaching, to at least find, as it turns out, her inner Wonder
- 31:19Woman, as that part of her came to be known to stand up for
- 31:23herself, to assert herself so that she can make her own
- 31:27decisions and make those choices that were right for her to
- 31:32regain. Herself trust.
- 31:35Because that's what she needed AF.
- 31:39What happens next is completely up to her and we then wound up
- 31:46doing 6 sessions together and we when I do these sort of
- 31:53sessions, there's longer intervals between as the later
- 31:59sessions go on so that they have time to process the work to take
- 32:04action based on what they've learned.
- 32:07By the time we met for our final session, she had moved out,
- 32:13found her own place and was in the process of looking, filing
- 32:18the divorce papers. And our last session was all
- 32:23about overcoming the fear and the potential pain of following
- 32:29through on that final step. And as far as I know, she filed
- 32:35for the divorce. She's completely cut the cord
- 32:38from her ex-husband. I did ask her if she wanted some
- 32:43assistance with moving on knowing that she had been
- 32:48sexually abused in that marriage.
- 32:50And we did wind up doing another couple of sessions after that to
- 32:55work on the anxiety that she was still feeling because she still
- 33:00had some concerns about future relationships and how her
- 33:04experiences with her ex-husband would affect her future
- 33:07relationships. So that's what it became about
- 33:11is not only helping her stand up for herself to get out of her
- 33:16current situation, but to prepare her for the help her
- 33:20prepare for the next phase of her life, the life that she
- 33:25wanted. Yeah, I mean that that, that
- 33:30sounds really empowering. So if, if, if you want to do
- 33:35like a little bit of hypnosis, maybe for that final bit of kind
- 33:38of like feeling empowered, because I think that'd be useful
- 33:41for a lot of people that you know, and who hasn't had a
- 33:44difficult past, maybe not as difficult as that particular
- 33:46client, but almost like letting go of the past to feel empowered
- 33:49going forward might be a useful thing.
- 33:51So I'll, I'll put myself on you and then over to you for for a
- 33:55little hypnosis session. OK.
- 34:04And now? I'm going to invite you to find
- 34:10a comfortable. Place to sit.
- 34:16And you can. Just sit.
- 34:18There and look at a particular. Space A particular point
- 34:25perhaps? It's a spot on the ceiling, or
- 34:29perhaps an object in front of you.
- 34:33And sitting on. That comfortable place that
- 34:37you're sitting and you can. Notice the sound of your own
- 34:41breathing and listening to the sound of my voice and really
- 34:48focus on that spot. And as you listen, look further
- 34:53into that spot. Notice that as you breathe more
- 35:00deeply now and listening to the sound of my voice and focusing.
- 35:08You might begin to. Notice that when you reach that
- 35:12level of breathing that is right for you, the mind slows down.
- 35:18And when the mind slows down, you become more relaxed.
- 35:23And the more relaxed you feel, your breathing gets easier.
- 35:29And when you're breathing gets easier, the better you feel
- 35:34throughout your body feeling that good feeling.
- 35:38All the negative emotions in your body are being washed away
- 35:42by only good feelings brought in by the sound of your breathing
- 35:46and my voice as you focus on that spot.
- 35:51That's right. Just continue to allow that
- 35:56listening to the sound of your breathing and my voice.
- 36:01You're mine. Slowing down, slowing down,
- 36:08slowing down. And sooner or later, when you're
- 36:14ready, you can just allow your eyes to close.
- 36:20That's right. And continuing to enjoy this
- 36:26feeling that you're experiencing, listening to the
- 36:31sound of your own breathing and in through your nose and out
- 36:35through your mouth. You may notice that with each
- 36:39breath that you take, you go deeper.
- 36:47That's right, spoke into singing on the sound of your own
- 36:53breathing in my voice. Each breath takes you deeper and
- 37:01deeper and deeper. That's right.
- 37:07And as you go to that deep level that is just right for you, you
- 37:15can notice that there is a beautiful set of steps.
- 37:21There are 10 steps and you can descend those 10 steps and as
- 37:28you descend those 10 steps, you can go even deeper with each
- 37:31one. As I countdown from 12:50,
- 37:36continuing to focus on your breathing and my voice, going
- 37:39deeper and deeper with each breath as you descend this
- 37:43beautiful staircase, counting down, going deeper on each step,
- 37:4810, 987, 654321, very deep, going to that very deep level.
- 38:19Now. That's right.
- 38:28And now that you have achieved this deep level of trance and
- 38:33relaxation and hypnosis that feels so good, so wonderful, so
- 38:39relaxing, just this comforting feeling all over your body, you
- 38:47can know that there are different parts of you that
- 38:51serve a purpose in your life. Each part is important, has good
- 38:58intentions. And once always.
- 39:02What's the best for you? And somewhere deep inside of
- 39:09you, perhaps you already know what it is, perhaps not.
- 39:16But you can discover there is a part of you that is very
- 39:20powerful, that makes you a strong willed person, one that
- 39:27gives you tremendous amounts of self trust.
- 39:32And this is the one, the part of you that brings out that part of
- 39:43you that brings you the most strength.
- 39:47And it can go by many names. It could be a Wonder Woman, or
- 39:55perhaps another superhero like Iron Man.
- 40:00That part can go by many different names.
- 40:06Take a moment to find. If you.
- 40:10Haven't already find that very special part of you, that
- 40:15empowering part of you that gives you all of the inner
- 40:18strength that you need to carry on in your life, to advocate for
- 40:27yourself. Because this is your life and
- 40:33this part of you gives you what you need to assert yourself, to
- 40:38protect your boundaries because boundaries are important.
- 40:44This is a very important resource for you and fully
- 40:47embrace that part of you. You can even.
- 40:51Reach out with your own arms if you want to or not, that's OK
- 40:55too. Just really embrace that part of
- 40:59you and you can know that that part will always be with you and
- 41:06can come to the executive anytime you need it to, when you
- 41:11need it most. And you can establish a line
- 41:16between that and your inner wisdom, or your highest wisdom,
- 41:22whatever it wants to call itself.
- 41:24Go ahead and take a moment to establish a Direct Line of
- 41:28communication between that strongest part of you and your
- 41:32highest wisdom to give you all the power and ability you need
- 41:37to call that forth anytime you need it, to make it as strong as
- 41:45it can possibly be. And when you feel that you have
- 41:53made these lines of communication as strong as they
- 41:57can possibly be, when the work is done, and only when it's
- 42:09done, you can come back to the room at his pace that is right
- 42:25for you. That.
- 42:42Was a good experience there, Kevin.
- 42:44I like that you're. Very welcome.
- 42:48So is there anything that you would contextualize that or what
- 42:53what people should kind of expect or interpret from that
- 42:56session? Well, this is about everyone has
- 43:00that inner part of them. That is each each part plays a
- 43:04role. And it's important to embrace
- 43:07that part of us that really serves that role of inner
- 43:10strength that allows us to create boundaries, protect those
- 43:15boundaries, assert themselves, really empower.
- 43:18Themselves. And using that time to really
- 43:25establish that deep connection with our highest wisdom by
- 43:32establishing a Direct Line of communication between those. 2.
- 43:37It can be a very. Powerful tool to really.
- 43:44Have an impact on one's unconscious mind and when they
- 43:49make that connection in their unconscious mind, their
- 43:52conscious mind will become aware of that in the hours, days and
- 43:57weeks ahead The true. Impact of those changes.
- 44:02I think a lot of people have had that experience even outside of
- 44:05hypnosis. They feel aligned with their
- 44:07intuition and they seem to kind of trust that kind of judgement
- 44:10or they're second guessing every single part of their life.
- 44:13And I think that part for me is, is the kind of the the wisest
- 44:16part of the intuition. It's kind of learnt you all of
- 44:19your experiences can guide you in a in a positive direction.
- 44:23Kevin, thank you so much for that.
- 44:24We're going to make sure that the link to your website is, is
- 44:28in the description in the show notes.
- 44:30Is there anything that you're working on in the future that
- 44:34you want to kind of sow a few seeds for people to expect,
- 44:38maybe see you at any kind of upcoming conferences or
- 44:40anything? Yes, I will actually be at
- 44:44hypnothoughts in about a month from now in July.
- 44:48Looking forward to it. As far as future projects, I am
- 44:53currently working on making some recordings.
- 44:56I'm also have a possibility of producing A ebook about some of
- 45:02the issues that we've discussed today, and I'm also exploring
- 45:07different tools to work with clients, particularly those
- 45:11working with sexual issues or need a coaching on some of the
- 45:15issues that they would like to work on.
- 45:17Or would like. To further enrich their lives
- 45:22both in and out of the bedroom. And one of the things that I
- 45:29have learned in my journey is, and I'm going to clean this up a
- 45:34little bit, Melissa Tears says it's all effing made-up.
- 45:39And when I first heard that, that really resonates with me.
- 45:42It throws open the doors to be as creative as we want to be as
- 45:48practitioners. And some of the things that I've
- 45:51learned in this industry are relatively new, being very
- 45:55creative with the tools that are out there to put things together
- 45:59and make it our own and use what we have created to make our mark
- 46:06in our industry. I, I couldn't agree more.
- 46:09And I think, you know, I've, I've published close to over
- 46:131000 kind of hypnosis sessions now, maybe maybe 1500.
- 46:17And I came to the conclusion that it's just using the power
- 46:20of the imagination to create positive change, you know,
- 46:23because when you try and put too many labels about what hypnosis
- 46:26is and those kind of things, it's it's a whole rabbit hole
- 46:29of, you know, but I disagree. And is it a trance?
- 46:31Is it not a trance actually, You know, every human has an
- 46:34imagination. And sometimes that imagination
- 46:38can be used to create a new belief or a new way of thinking
- 46:40that, you know, completely changes any, anything.
- 46:42And use the word survivor before and I, and I think it's the
- 46:46ultimate reframe and something bad happens.
- 46:48It's kind of like, you know, you can be the victim or you can be
- 46:50the survivor. It can break you or it can, you
- 46:53know, facilitate you in, in, in some way to, you know, become
- 46:57wiser and even stronger than ever before.
- 46:59And I think, yeah, utilising all this stuff to help people is, is
- 47:03the is the core common denominator.
- 47:05Kevin, thank you so much for joining me as a guest hypnotist
- 47:07today. Your hypnosis session was great.
- 47:09And I, for one, will see you at Hypno Thoughts.
- 47:12If you're listening, by the way, and you feel like coming to
- 47:15Vegas to, to see me to see Kevin, we're both going to be
- 47:18there at Hypno Thoughts Live in Vegas.
- 47:20I'm also going to put a link in the description so you can get
- 47:24tickets to Hypno Thoughts Live as well.
- 47:26Kevin, thank you once more. Thank you, Adam, it was a
- 47:29pleasure. Thank you for listening to The
- 47:35Hypnotist with Adam Cox, the show that gives you inside
- 47:39access to cutting edge hypnosis with real clients facing genuine
- 47:43issues. To automatically receive the
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- 47:58review.