Latest / Living Loud and Proud: Disability Conversations / Momma Chronicles, Too: 10 Years and Counting!
Transcript
- Phill Rosen Voice Over 00:00:00 Welcome to the Living Loud and Proud Podcast, brought to you by Disability Pride Pennsylvania. If you need a link to the transcript for this episode, please visit our accessible website at www.disabilitypridepa.org/podcast. And now, here is your host... Vicki Landers 00:00:28 Hello, everybody, and thank you for tuning in to our episode for the Living Loud and Proud: Disability Conversations Podcast. I am Vicki Landers, I'm the founder and Executive Director of Disability Pride Pennsylvania. And we're so excited today to bring you a podcast. We're talking to two people who started Momma Chronicles Too. And I want to take the time right now and let them introduce themselves. Latoya, will you introduce yourself please? Latoya Maddox 00:01:07 Hello, everyone. My name is Latoya Maddox. I am a native of Philadelphia. I live in Philadelphia currently, did not grow up in Philadelphia. I am a disabled person who has a child and has a child by birth. They are. He is 12 years old. And I'll give it over to Domonique.. Domonique Howell 00:01:36 Thank you. Hi, everyone. I'm so excited to talk with you all today. I'm Domonique Howell as Vicki said. I am also a native of Philadelphia, born and raised. I am a full-time wheelchair user with a physical disability and I also have a child that is 10 years old. And she has a invisible disability. So I come from this from so many lenses. Vicki Landers 00:02:14 That's great. Thank you both. I'm really excited to talk to you both about what's going on. First, I want to make sure that we thank our sponsor today, who is Highmark Whole Care for their continued support and sponsoring this podcast and making, letting us make this happen. We really enjoy having conversations with the community. It is a community podcast. So, that is what we are. That is our purpose in our, our drive is to have folks from the community having conversations about what they're doing. So I want to know more about how this Momma Chronicles Too got started. Domonique Howell 00:03:02 That's all on me. Because this is I say, 'I got, I gave birth to my daughter first. And then I gave birth to Momma Chronicles Too'. And so it really developed and was created and founded on the premise of disabled mothers needing peer support and advocacy, when I couldn't find it for myself as a pregnant mother. And so I said I have friends, I have colleagues and folks that I know that are you know, disabledd and in parenthood and it wouldn't be nice if we all got together and just were able to support one another and advocate for one another and one another's children. So that's really where the breadth of it came from me not being able to find something. And so you know, if you can't find it, you create it. And that's, you know what happened. And so, this year, we'll make 10 years of Momma Chronicles Too, which is... Vicki Landers 00:04:12 Congratulations. Domonique Howell 00:04:14 Thank you so much. And so, you know, we have went through many different phases. This phase that we're in, I'm most excited about and so we'll see what the next year, next 10 years brings us. Vicki Landers 00:04:31 Do you have anything to add Latoya? Latoya Maddox 00:04:35 Sure. So just want to make it clear that it's T-O-O and not T-W-O. Because we are, although we are disabled and it doesn't matter if you're disabled or not parenting. It can happen. And yet, we were 10 years old. We like Dan said we went through a buncha phases. Like we even stopped the group for a little while, because it wasn't a lot of traction, but we said, let's put it back up on Facebook, and we sometimes get traction there. But we really do get a lot of traction on our meetings, which happened on the weekend, Saturdays once a month. So yeah, that's all I have to add. Vicki Landers 00:05:24 Yeah, that's great. I love that, you know, you you all have, you know, started thought about what it could be, how it could look, and I, you know, at myself knowing that, starting Disability Pride Pennsylvania, it's like, you're constantly having to like, check yourself, and it's like, what is this working? Right? How do we keep moving? How do we, you know, twist and turn, almost like, you know, as, as we all know, as disabled folks that we're always having to, you know, figure out the next move. And what that looks like. Latoya Maddox 00:06:03 Right, right. Vicki Landers 00:06:03 You know, and I really, this conversation, it's really important to me also, because I am a disabled person. And I have a son who has a learning disability. So I'm really interested on in how this work, because, I don't want to say my age, but back in the day, when I had my son when I was very young, there was no support. So I'm very happy to hear that there's some support going on. Can you, so can you tell me like, what the, what your mission is for, for Mama Chronicles Too. Domonique Howell 00:06:46 So our mission is to support every mother and child that has a disability, or a community of mothers and children, and to also support the communities that we come from. And that means by advocating and by offering peer support, but also just giving back 'each one, each one, each one, teach one', that's our basic mission, to what we do, and to shed the stigma of what it is to be a disabled parent. Latoya Maddox 00:07:26 Right, and we don't turn anyone away that comes to us for support. So, even if a father, and this is me speaking personally, even if a father comes to us, for some support, if they need it, we do help them and then guide them to the right person, if it needs to be more hands on, during our nine to five hours of work. Vicki Landers 00:07:58 That is amazing. I love the fact that like, we're all in this, you know, and we have to support each other. And whatever that other, you know, the parent looks like, you know, it has to, we have to make sure that we're supporting them. You know, I know as a as a young mom, that finding, finding help and support was very difficult. I had to lean on my, my family way more than of course, I would like to, but you know, a little harder than they probably wanted also. So, Latoya, you said something about like your work on your nine to five. Can you tell me a little bit about what you do nine to five? Latoya Maddox 00:08:45 So from on Monday through Thursdays, I am the Senior Independent Living Specialist at Liberty Resources, Inc. which is based out of Philadelphia. We plan to have another office in Delaware County in the future. When we get there, we'll let the public know about it. But I am the supervisor for Chester, Montgomery, and Delaware counties. And Liberty is the organization that ensures to assist consumers, individuals with disabilities, cross disability so it doesn't matter what your disability is, as long as you say you have a disability. We are able to assist with making sure that your rights and your needs are being met while you're living out in the community. And if you're a person that's in a nursing facility, and you want to get out we do have a nursing transition team that helps with that as well. That's just... Vicki Landers 00:09:44 Well, that's great! Latoya Maddox 00:09:45 Yeah, that's my paint job. I have a lot of other stuff that I do. Vicki Landers 00:09:51 Yeah, absolutely. I I know that you are a very busy person. Latoya Maddox 00:09:55 Yes, myself and Dominique, on top of being moms like... Vicki Landers 00:09:59 Yes, absolutely! Latoya Maddox 00:10:01 We make this, we all make this work. Vicki Landers 00:10:04 Yes. And Dominique, would you like to tell us a little bit about what you do on your, on your full-time work. Domonique Howell 00:10:13 So I'll, also Latoya's not only my friend, and has been since the sandbox, but she is also my co-worker. I also work for Liberty Resources, but I am a Philadelphia Independent Living Specialist. So, I am specifically in the county that we serve. And so, that's what I do, we help, as Latoya said, advocate with them for consumers to live independent lives under the independent living philosophy, which is what Center for Independent Living Centers were founded on. Vicki Landers 00:10:55 That's great, I you know, I, I tell everybody about the, about Liberty Resources, because I, I tell everybody that 14 years ago that Liberty Resources saved my life. And without them, I probably would not, I definitely would not be doing what I do today. And would not be where I am today. So, I absolutely love the work that Liberty Resources does. And of course, all the CILs. So, can you tell me like, so I, so back in the day, you used to have, probably had meetings. And then you twisted. So you just said that like now you have meetings on like, a Saturday, like on a weekend? Latoya Maddox 00:11:49 Yes. Domonique Howell 00:11:50 We've always... Vicki Landers 00:11:50 Can you tell us more about that, So anybody interested can know a little bit about how that works? Domonique Howell 00:11:57 We've always had meetings on the weekends, because we are full-time moms who have full-time jobs. And that's not just Latoya and myself, most of the members of our group are mothers that are employed. And so, it just was easier to meet on the weekends, because you have your work, and then your children have school and extracurricular activities during the week and so, we just found that worked better for us to meet on the weekends. And then, it's just a more relaxed way of meeting I think, for our moms, and for Latoya and myself, to have a conversation where we're not so focused on, 'Oh, we have to rush off because we have to do homework with the kids. Oh, we have to rush off because we had to make sure the meals are done, or work gets finished'. And so we just kept with the idea of weekend meetings. And before, years before, about six years ago, like it's been 10 years. So for four years, we first, we started primarily just on Facebook. And then I would have meetings at my house. The meetings, it became to the point where our group started growing and my house, my apartment wasn't big enough for all those wheelchairs. And so, one of our moms who, I would say is not a founding member of the group, but a founding member as in one of our first people who joined us on this crusade of changing the world and, you know, ending the stigma, she decided to call Liberty on her own, without telling Latoya and myself to ask for a space. And this is before I started working here, Latoya had just kind of gotten here, been here a little while. But she hadn't been here that long and said, 'Look, Liberty has a space. Let's use it'. So then we started meeting there on the weekends, but then, which lasted for probably about eight, nine months. Maybe. Latoya Maddox 00:14:31 Yes. Domonique Howell 00:14:32 Yeah, we would always take breaks during the winter months, because the kids are home. And, you know, it's hard to navigate outside as people with disabilities during snowstorms. So we would always take breaks. And then COVID happens. Vicki Landers 00:14:50 Yep. Domonique Howell 00:14:50 When COVID happened, we had to do a shift. And we actually opened Facebook back up starting a new Facebook group. We're now, when it comes to Facebook, we have mothers from Detroit, we have mothers in Virginia, we have mothers in South Carolina, we have mothers in Texas. So on social media, particularly Facebook, our group is very vast, and in geographical terms, during COVID, we all of us used to meet. So we used to call it Momma Chronicles Too: Across The States during those meetings. However, the timezone difference now, and all of the work that we both are doing, the time that we have scheduled for the Saturday meetings does not work for the folks that aren't within the Eastern part of the United States. And so we can't kind of gel it all together, which we're going to work on more this year. And we've taken more of an advocacy approach with Momma Chronicles this year, specifically. So we've kind of, you know, we're still definitely offering the peer support, but we we have gone light-years ahead of where I even imagined us being, even though it was always my dream to be exactly where we are and doing what we're doing. But, I didn't see it going this way. And so, social media wise, we have everybody that joins us, anybody can join us. They are a bunch of questions, we do mental health check ins, we, you know, talk about our kids, we share updates that way, we have fun little quizzes, and, you know, just those kinds of things. Our monthly meetings really consist of, you know, planning for things, coming to events, attending those events, because now, we're also known as an advocacy group, more than just a peer support group, because we are helping parents advocate for different things for themselves and their children. Well, I'll get into more of that if you have other questions, because that's, that's a load of, a wealth of information in so I don't want to overload you in case you have another. Yeah, go ahead. Latoya. Latoya Maddox 00:17:35 If I could add, Dom has a, she does well when it comes to making sure we're okay. We could get on there. We used to get on there a lot and just talk about the kids. But when we were, we were running another group for the fathers. You know, we gave that up to a another father that's now running the group. We noticed the guided conversation with them asking questions, and them providing the answers might work better for us. And it actually does. We, we are, we, we set the meeting for like an hour and a half. But our meeting has grown to like two hours now. And it's literally if we're not on there talking about advocacy things, or fun events to do in the summer with our kids, collectively as a group, we're having a guided conversation on, 'Pick a word from one to 10, how are you feeling today? Just pick a word, any word, nobody can say the same word'. And then we're asked specific questions either about ourselves or something along our children and we come from all different parenting perspectives. So, we have parents and co-parents, single parents, parents who are married, things like that. Domonique Howell 00:19:00 A parent who you know is, you know, a single parent because their, their child has, you know, their father has been deceased. So we have all different backgrounds, we have a mother who has an you know, a child who she adopted, and then she adopted her, her nieces and so, we come from various different backgrounds and various different ages and perspectives. And all of us have various different disabilities, and have different levels of mobility and find different ways to adapt, as well as our children. So it is, it has really become. I really am proud of where the group has gone this year because like Latoya said, the guided conversations has opened up more of a peer support aspect in a, in a larger sense. So we know what's going on with the mom what the mom needs support in and we know what's going on the child? What the child may need support in, but also we're just checking in to make sure that the mom and the child are both practicing self care, which is a very big thing for us. Because, you know, you can't pour from an empty cup as a mother. And if you were to open hands, you really can't. And so all of us as mothers anyway, you know, we're caretakers we're, we're teachers we're, you know, maids and all kinds of other things. And so, it's so important that we make sure that we're pointing to ourselves, but we had that layer of disability that is important to also take care of. And so the guided conversations that have really opened us up and really gotten us into some really deep, thought-provoking conversations that has helped to propel our advocacy. Latoya Maddox 00:20:58 Yes. Vicki Landers 00:21:01 That's amazing. I mean, it sounds like you guys really have like, kind of found your groove, you know, what's working best? I'm a huge advocate of like, having some guided questions. Just, sometimes you get that lull, where everybody's like, 'I don't know what to say'. Domonique Howell 00:21:22 Yeah. Vicki Landers 00:21:24 So having somebody be like, 'hey, what about this? And How's everybody feeling about that?' I think that that's really, that's really helpful. So, so when you have, have you, have you all done any, like, I know, your your work stuff that you do a lot and your other things, you do a lot of advocacy? Right? Have you ever thought about your group joining together and doing some system change, that will help? Domonique Howell 00:22:00 So we have done that, we actually started. So, from 2014 to 26, 2020, the group was more about, you know, just supporting each other as moms, and really offering peer support. It was always my initial goal, because I guess what I forgot to say and what I always should say, and we usually do say, but for some reason forgot today, is that it didn't en... the idea of Momma Chronicles Too didn't just come out of meaning the peer support, it came out of the fact that, you know, I as a mother, as a, you know, pregnant single person with a disability, really couldn't find anyone to advocate for me, and I saw so many disparities, while being pregnant. And then I saw so many discriminations happening to me. So it came out of a need of just like, I would ask different agencies for help, and no one could give me any help, you know, over like, discrimination, you know, medical disparities. And so, it wasn't just that I needed peer support, it was that there's a group of us who you know, are loud and proud and can advocate and so, you know, that's what we've been doing from 26, 2020 to now. We have become not just a group that offers peer support, but we have become a group of moms who, you know, thankful to my mentor, one of my biggest cheerleaders in my career, but also in my life. Councilmember Kendra Brooks, too, you know, is always on the front lines, and I don't know she would be mad if I make this to Kendra Show, but I'm gonna shout her out. Vicki Landers 00:24:03 We love Kendra Brooks. Latoya Maddox 00:24:06 Yes we do! Domonique Howell 00:24:06 And the fact that she has always been on the front lines of the community when it comes to disability and especially us living the independent lives that we need to live. With that being said she understood the disparities that parents with disabilities face and decided that it was important that the city recognize parent's rights with disabilities as a resolution. So we all, myself, Latoya, a couple of our other moms that are in the group joined in and testified in November of 2020. To talk about the disparities that we face as mothers, to talk about what advocacy changes we would like to see. And in that resolution was the commissioner, Kimberly Ali of the Department of Human Services, which is DHS. Also, I don't know, I think she may still be acting commissioner of DBHIDS still going, there were a lot of stakeholders there listening to us talk about what we have seen, what we're facing. And so that's what we have done. With that being said, and that's why I said, it's a lot of nooks and crannies, we have now taken all of what we've started with Kendra, thankful to her connections and decided that we train these different agencies about what it is to be a parent with a disability, about what community based services, about adaptation, about attitudinal, society's view and how to shift it, about social versus medical models. So we've, we've taken our limiting resources, IL (Independent Living) training, and flipped it on its head and focused in on the parents, because what we have found, and I'll throw some data in there, is that, you know, between 40 and 80% of people with intellectual disabilities, get their children removed, taken away from them, from the Department of Human Services, nationally, right? And then what I've also found, and this is that data is of 2020, what I found in 2021, because I'm always looking for new data, so I could keep up on myself when I'm advocating for the experience and myself is that as of 2021, a person that is pregnant with a disability is 11 times more likely to die at childbirth, because of the disparities that we face and the lack of medical treatment that we receive because of our disabilities. Regardless, if that's a physical disability, a mental disability, a cognitive disability, it just happens. And so this is the reason why that it's so imperative for Latoya, myself, and some of our other moms to really be out there showing who we are as moms, who our children are as children, and what we you know, what we can change society's view on, so we've really, and that's why I said, I love where we are now. So now Liberty Resources and Momma Chronicles Too has, you know, a RFP with the Department of Human Services to train their CUA workers, which are Community Umbrella Agencies, and their direct staff, for supervising about the Independent Living Movement. And so we have, we did two trainings last year, we're coming up on our trainings for this year, and we'll do two trainings next year. So it's just a very exciting thing. You know, we've done Parent Cafes and autism play dates, and, you know, we've spoken and then the statewide CIL conferences, and you know, we just, it's something that we do, I spoke on behalf of Momma Chronicles yesterday with Lauren and another coworker of ours on with CLS because they have a lot of cases that they are finding where consumers are losing their children, you know, and they're trying to reunify them. So they wanted to know, our services, about our group and what we're doing. And so, I really, this is not exactly what I saw, but I'm so glad it's here, and I'm just, I'm thrilled. Vicki Landers 00:28:46 Yeah, absolutely. Latoya. Latoya Maddox 00:28:49 Yes. Vicki Landers 00:28:51 Domonique gave us a lot of information. Is there anything that you can think of that...(unintelligible, 28:57) Latoya Maddox 00:28:57 Yes. So what we've learned, I think it was early last year, we had a lawyer from the Legal Clinic for the Disabled, the law for children. Regardless if the child has a disability or not, the laws are set up to make sure that that child is in a what is it? Dom, can you help me out? What am I trying to say, the law, the law is just set up so that an infant, I'll give you an example, an infant, like basically if the child is looks like it's in danger or the parent can't, looks like they can't do it, then the child automatically gets taken away. When that we know as parents, regardless if you have a disabled, disability or not, I say this all the time because I've learned it through my own child, our children adapt to us, just as we adapt to them. So that's regardless if you have a disability or not, your child will learn to adapt to you, just as well as you will learn to adapt to them. It's not like they come out with a manual and you get to read what to do. Nope, you got to we all have to figure it out. So if the law... Vicki Landers 00:30:25 Wouldn't that be nice? Latoya Maddox 00:30:27 Yes, it definitely would. But if the law could be changed to where it's, though, give these parents a chance. And yes, Dom and I do a lot of advocacy, or did a lot of advocacy with DHS last year. Well, Dom did a lot this year. And I did a lot last year, I had parents who were reunified with their child, because they went through all the loop, that the loopholes all the trainings that DHS said they had to take. Did all the testing, like just they take parents with disabilities through the wringer when, when once they take them away, once they take the child away to get them reunified. Regardless, and it looks like it might be regardless of disability. But I think that if something comes up like a family, if it's a family members that have doing the kinship portion of it, they can say, 'Oh, they had something going on when they were teenagers like, psychiatrically going on. And we now need y'all to test that to make sure they're well off to be able to take care of a child', you shouldn't have to re-traumatize a person of things they went through as a child or as a young adult, like if the child too has a disability, and the parents have a disability, let that child be in a household. Now, there may have, there may be situations where the child really is in danger, the parent is leaving the child home by themselves, there's not enough food the child's coming to school, not prepared for school, hair all over the place. They're not taking baths that, then DHS comes in and take them. But for a social worker at a hospital come in a room to tell Dominique, like 'you got to sign off on this paper that you got somebody, going to be there to help you with your daughter or Mrs. Maddox. So you got in your home that's gonna help you with this baby?' I'm like, 'His father is right here.' And my grandma, I had my grandmama, my mom, my sister, my brother, I was, I was coming home with my baby. And yet, we had to suck it up and figure it out, versus other people who just get to walk out of the hospital with their child, the law is flawed, and it needs to be amended. And I hope that one day, Dom and I can find the time to work with others to you know, get some laws and policies changed when it comes to the welfare of children. Because a lot of us get put in foster care, but we're put in foster care with parents who aren't disabled, don't understand disability, don't want to get to learn, understand disability and just get stuck there until we asked, we speak up for ourselves. Finally, just like listen, it's either gonna be this or that because I'm not gonna survive being here. So y'all need to figure it out for me, or just suck it up and stay versus if the laws were changed and policies were different. There could be some of that wiggle room that we need to make sure that children with disabilities are placed not only in a stable home, if need be, but with parents who want foster or want to adopt that also have disabilities because we we did have a family, a coworker who wanted to adopt, but they were turned, they were turned down for having a baby and were told they need to have a teenager ,and we're like, 'what?' Teenagers, everybody knows once they hit a certain age, start smelling yourself, they're hard to handle. So to get in, it's not to say that the parents couldn't do it. They want to, we want what we want as parents with disabilities. So we say, 'I'll take a 10 year old to a 15 year old then fine. I'll take a newborn to a two year old' then give us that you know, so yeah. Vicki Landers 00:34:28 Right. Absolutely. I mean, there shouldn't be any rules just because you you have a disability, about how you can love a child. Latoya Maddox 00:34:36 Right. Vicki Landers 00:34:38 Yeah, I think that's it's terrible. So we're so as I, as I see our time I want to make sure that you give us where people can reach out to you if they want to get involved if they want to donate to you, all of those things. Tell us what those what tell us what those things are. Domonique Howell 00:35:00 So, you can search us on Facebook it's Momma, M-O-M-M-A, Chronicles, C-H-R-O-N-I-C-L-E-S, comma Too T-O-O because we have, we're moms with chronicles also, you know, people think that we don't have stories to tell, that's where that name comes from. So you can find us on Facebook, our group is, it's open, but you have to answer questions just to make sure we know that you're a mom with a disability or have it disabled child because we don't just serve moms with disabilities, but we also serve moms with disabled children, you can email me specifically, Domonique D-O-M-N-I-Q-U-E, Howell H-O-W-E-L-L at Liberty, L-I-B-E-R-T-Y, resources R-E-S-O-R...O-U-R-C-E-S, excuse me, .org. And we are there to add you to the group. We are there to help you with Parent Advocacy such as DHS, such as, you know, dependency corps, reunification, any medical assistance, advocacy problems that you're having. Specifically, if a doctor says, you know, we can't provide prenatal care, or we think you're incompetent, we step in there. And we offer advocacy assistance, as Latoya says, we've been successful with helping more than one consumer reunify with their child after they've been taken. And we connect you to other agencies like, CLS, LCD, just so that we offer a whole care approach. So you can find us that way. And then we haven't thought about a website. But you can always visit Liberty's website, which is www.libertyresources.org. And if you need to call us by phone, the best way to reach us currently would be our information and referral line, because we're not always in the office. We are two hybrid employees. And so that would be (215) 634-2000, extension 325. Again, it's 9215) 634-2000, extension 325. And if you're someone who lives in one of the counties that Latoya serves, which is Chester, Montgomery, and Delaware, you know, one of the Philadelphia specialists like myself will forward those calls to her. And we'll navigate that together. So it was a pleasure, Vicki, we appreciate you. We're so glad... Latoya Maddox 00:38:17 Hold on, you gave the wrong Facebook page. So... Vicki Landers 00:38:22 That's not good. Latoya Maddox 00:38:23 Yeah, it's Momma, what you said. But to the number 2.0. Domonique Howell 00:38:31 Yeah, the Facebook group is yeah, right. 2.0. Latoya Maddox 00:38:34 Yes. It is, yes. Domonique Howell 00:38:36 She's right, yeah so it's Momma Chronicles, Too T-O-O 2.0. Remember, we started over so it was our second. I forget things. Vicki Landers 00:38:49 No problem. Domonique Howell 00:38:50 So we had, we had to.... Vicki Landers 00:38:52 I'm gonna get that information from you both. So that I have it. And we'll make sure that we put it so people can find it. Domonique Howell 00:38:59 Yeah. Vicki Landers 00:39:01 But I want to thank you both for being on this podcast today. It's so much good information. These are things that people want to know, these are things that you know, we as a community need to remember that all of these factors make up who we are and how we live. And as a disabled parent with a disabled child, I thank you for all the advocacy that you do. And I want to thank again thank Highmark Whole Care, for their support in letting this podcast happen. We could not do it without you. And I am again Vicki Landers, founder and CEO of Disability Pride Pennsylvania. And you know, you can find us at disabilitypridepa.org Have a good afternoon and we will talk to you soon. Thank you! Domonique Howell 00:39:59 Remember to always roll and walk in your purpose. Thanks, Vicki! Latoya Maddox 00:40:07 Thank you. Vicki Landers 00:40:08 Yes, of course. Thank you both. I really appreciate and I learned so much more than I had known about what was going on. So thank you. Latoya Maddox 00:40:17 You're welcome. Phill Rosen Voice Over 00:40:18 Please visit our accessible website at www.disabilitypridepa.org. You can find us on social media @DisabilityPridePA on Facebook, Instagram and Tiktok.