Latest / The Checkpoint Podcast: Questions / Episode 15 | What do you want people to remember about you?
Transcript
- speaker-0: Okay. Hey everyone and welcome to the checkpoint. It's really good to have you here. Whether this is your first time or you've been here before, thanks for giving up your time to spend with us. The idea is pretty simple. We get together, share stories, ask a few questions, and hopefully leave with a different perspective than when we arrived. There's no pressure to speak, just jump in when you feel like it. So today's question is What do I want people to remember about me? What do I want people to remember about me? So I'm gonna start this one off. Adele knows this and Crystal has just listened to just then. So you can just do Toastmaster, but I'll start off. What do I want people to remember about me? that I had fun or I'm a fun person to be around. That I had good ideas. that I was a good dad. I was ⁓ a good son. ⁓ I was a good husband. that I helped where I could. ⁓ this is a this is a hard question. Even though I knew about it. Yeah. It's still a difficult one to to sort of think about. Because I think I said to Adele, it it does it you kind of have to get to a place assuming that you're no longer there. So speaker-1: Yeah, this is like the legacy when you're gone, right? What you won't be able to see. speaker-0: I I think so. I think so. So you know, and and the thing is it's it's as of now, ⁓ what I feel, because you know, all of us here have like a whole bunch of life left. So it's almost asking you, if something happened to you now, how would you want to be remembered by? Because obviously either good things could happen after this or bad things could happen after this. So it's like at this point in time. So yeah, so for me, father, ⁓ son, brother, yeah, brother. ⁓ husband, ⁓ and that I and that I had fun and it was fun to be around, I think. So far. What do you think? I'm still trying to think of that of some of the answers that I would say. speaker-1: I'm interested that none of your legacy is about your work. speaker-2: Mm-hmm. speaker-0: I hate you, I hate you a girl. speaker-1: You're so embedded in like your work life balance. I'm really surprised that none of your legacy that you want to be remembered by relates to that at all. speaker-0: 'Cause I you know what it is? when I journal in the mornings, I and this was when like when the Dcaf network was still around, I still kind of operate with the whole DCAF thing. And as one of the things that I journal about is like what I'm asking for for the particular day. Like, you know, do I need help with something? Do I need creativity? ⁓ and a lot of the times it's I hope I have fun with stuff. And I think we've spoken about this before where I don't really have a a work life. balance because it's just a thing. Like I I do it. Yeah. and if I find something fun to do, I actually I I don't consider it to be work. You know, like even like even yesterday, ⁓ even though I had to drive all the way out to reservoir and and I worked there for six hours and it was quite I wouldn't say it's monotonous, but I I kind of knew what to do. Like I still had fun with it, you know. I was talking to people, there were people there, it was a new site, it was kind of exciting at the same time. and I found that fun. And it's it's funny, you picked that up, but then you didn't mention how whenever you and I chat Adele and I say to you, Hey, it's gonna be fun. And what's your snare response? speaker-1: onto that one right there. You know what I was actually just thinking? My daughter has started a new job and it's her first job. And I've picked her up a few times. I'm like, how is it? She's like, it's fun. And I'm really excited that her first job is fun because I don't think the majority of people consider work fun. So that's where I think you're an abnormality. That's a great thing. And I think it's lovely that it is fun. 'Cause that's not everyone's experience. Yeah. speaker-0: I I think if more people were to you know, if you were to have let's just say that money weren't the equation, that would probably be like up there in terms of what what's the reason why you took the job? It's 'cause it's fun, you know, like ⁓ like money aside, obviously for most people money is like, Well, I need the money. Has to be speaker-1: Yeah, but for a lot of people it's it's success, it's fame, it's making a change, it's mental stimulation. I I wouldn't have even thought fun is necessarily what people look for in a job. No, although in saying that I've had a lot of interesting conversations with teenagers lately that think our entire generation do boring jobs. speaker-0: Really? Yeah, yeah. speaker-2: But maybe they're thinking about it more correctly than speaker-1: Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I keep saying to mine, like your grandparents' generation worked to put food on the table and had a roof above their head. Our generation were taught to have stability and, you know, do something that we were interested in and or good at. Their generation are going, What do we want to do that's gonna be fun? Can we make a life out of being on social media? Like do we really have to do five days a week sitting in an office? They're on the complete opposite. So it's completely gonna change. But speaker-2: Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah. I'm not saying we've got it right or they had it right. It's just different. speaker-2: Interesting. speaker-0: Has to be fun. Anyway. Sorry. Okay. So Adele, what do you want people to remember you about you? What do you want people to remember about you? speaker-1: See, I go straight to thinking like for me it's the impact on my immediate people around me. So Yeah, it's definitely got nothing to do with like work or anything like that. I know the mentality I was raised with was that if you go to a funeral and it's a packed house, it's a life well lived. So if you can impact a lot of people in a positive way around you, I would say I am How do I put it? ⁓ not advice, but as in like people will come and just talk to me about stuff quite a lot, whether it's to bounce ideas off or just to listen without judgment or whatever it is. So I think that's something that a lot of people would say I was supportive. speaker-2: ⁓ yeah, yeah. speaker-1: ⁓ but yeah, it's more about positively impacting the lives of the key people in my life, I think. speaker-0: Yeah. Okay. Crystal? speaker-2: You're so wise. I think I only recently came to that conclusion too. ⁓ and I think you know what I was texting you about on Monday, Dexter. My revelation that I had on Monday was that connection and relationships are that's everything. It's not one of the things that matter in life. It's not one of the factors that make you happy or make give you value, it's literally everything. so yeah, like I mean I think p we get really confused in society. We get so confused about what is what what gives a person value. Is it status? Is it like looks? Is it money? Is it something else? Is it your title? But I realize that nothing actually matters in the end. ⁓ other than relationships and we don't prioritize it. I I don't think that we prioritize it like that at all. We don't talk about it like that at all. ⁓ so my my new with this revelation, like I mean, I think I'm going to be presenting myself differently in life, I think. I mean, much like you. Like the connection is all that matters. Like I mean, connecting with people and having a positive impact and being a solid person. Is actually what matters in the end. Actually, nothing else is real. Like nothing else, everything else is a construct. speaker-1: I remember my mum had a quite a high power job for a long time. So she spent a long time in the office. Mm-hmm. Long hours. And when she was getting towards retirement and this, that and the other, she used to say, cemeteries are full of people that thought they were weren't replaceable. And it's like, Yeah, no matter how good you are at your job, someone else can come in and do it. And the business might miss you for a little bit, but it's your kids that will miss you if you weren't there for significant things. It's it's the same with material things, right? Like you get to a point where it's not buying the kids a nice present. It's going and spending a weekend doing something that they're going to remember. It's like we sit around and talk and what we talk about is like the funny trips that we had and the weird dinners that we ate in places and the the time we did certain things. That's the legacy you want. I want them to have a whole lot of memories of things that we did together that That they enjoyed in life or that moulded who they became as people than anything else. speaker-2: Yeah, yeah. And that that connection that you have with them, that's what gives you value as a person. It's not about it's not about what you own, it's not about what you have, it's not about like anything else. It's about that connection with other people. That's the value that we need to be connected to this. ⁓ you know, we're like colonies. We need to be connected to this colony. ⁓ Yeah, so I mean, I think that's that's what it is. I mean sometimes I g I mean I get clouded by things as well, like, you know, do I spend the money on this person or you know, what's more valuable? But now I realize money is like actually nothing. Like it's nothing. It's this construct. speaker-1: See for me it's not even money, it's time. Yeah, time stage and I'm kinda like right. You have a limited amount of time between work and kids and you know sleep and whatever it is. So when I have free time, I'm very mindful of who I spend it with. Yes. I know that through life, like ⁓ it's been about key like keeping a hold of key relationships that I actually value and ⁓ I feel good in them. speaker-2: I mean Me too. speaker-1: as much as I want to give to them. And I don't waste time with people that I don't value anymore either. It's almost like I've got a limited resource. Who am I reaching out to? Who am I checking in with? Who am I talking to? Who am I spending my time with? Because I'd rather give more in those relationships and have less relationships rather than a whole lot of people that are, you know speaker-2: Just acquaintances. Yep. Yep. Absolutely. I think that's part of getting older as well. Like you just got so much on your plate that that's you just can't spend, you know, your precious time. No. speaker-0: You know what you what's interesting? And I'd love for you to do this at some point, is that I've been noticing more ⁓ what my kids say about certain times in their life. Like you you sort of mentioned before, Adele, about holidays. So, you know, in my house I've got that Google Nest thing in the kitchen. And it's just it it's ⁓ it runs a ⁓ a Google album of just like photos that I like, some of them from holidays and there's dogs and like, you know, all that sort of stuff. And Quite frequently there'll be a photo there of a holiday and depending who's within eye shot, one of my kids they'll be like, ⁓ I remember that. That's when we did something. And they'll remember something about that that was so insignificant at the time that sometimes I would I won't remember it. But it's like, ⁓ do you remember the room that we had? We were jumping on the bed and then I fell off and did this. And sometimes I'm like, No, I don't remember that. But obviously for them it's a key memory about that time. And it's one of those things where you just go, you remember that? Yeah. Like I remember it was like it was yesterday. And I'm like, wow, that's kind of it's fascinating how you know you you can't force them to remember anything, you know, but for some reason it's it's special to them or it sticks in their mind, or it's like, ⁓ you remember when you bought this? It's like a a perfect example is I think you you both of you know like I I I'm generally not a cook. I can cook if if it's needed. I'll cook the same thing all day, every day, but that's it. If I go beyond the scope of that, like I'm struggling. And it would have been, man, it would have been, I'd probably say, shit, might have been five years ago, six years ago, longer, ⁓ I'd burnt something once. And and since that day, whenever like Liv you know, Liv's like, ⁓ can you cook dinner tonight or whatever? and one of the kids are in your shot, especially Miller. speaker-1: Definitely. speaker-0: She'll say something like, Don't burn it again. And I'm like, I I burnt it like five years ago. What are you talking about? I don't do this anymore. You know, so it's these things there that the kind of it it sticks with them and they'll they'll have a memory of that. And of like I said, you c you can't force them to remember. So ⁓ speaker-1: also have a feeling associated with the memories. Like one of my kids said that on one of the trips they went on, they love it because they can just be themselves. They can be silly because they're just with the four of us. So they don't have to worry about what they say and what they wear and what they're doing. So it takes them out of their normal day to day where they're bit more conscious and defined by what people think about them. And they can just be themselves 'cause it's just the four of us. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah. speaker-1: So and I love that. Love it. speaker-2: Yeah. speaker-0: Yeah, it's interesting that one. So it's it's ⁓ you know, I think that's the other thing as well, is that ⁓ I'd like to be remembered that my kids could talk to me about stuff. Now, obviously with the whole, you know, like mum dad kind of thing, there are certain things that Liv only can discuss with them and sometimes Carson comes to me with only certain things. But it's it's good to know that that was the case. I think 'cause I I had the same relationship I have the same relationship with my dad, but it was kind of very later on. in life where you have this, you know, I I don't know if it's the same for you, but I think a lot of a lot of kids growing up, you know, you're very parent focused and then you get older and then you're more friend focused. And that friend focused lasts for a long time. And depending on what happens during that period, whether you move out or you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, ⁓ it might take a long time before you go back to that parent as being part of it. ⁓ so at this at least in this point in time, it's it's good to know that I'd like to be remembered as somebody as like the dad that was there. Like you know, when you when you grow up and when you have kids or when you start to have kids, you kinda want to be ⁓ I don't want to be like a daggy dad or a daggy mum or anything like that. And I kinda like want to be remembered as like an okay dad. Not even cool. It's ⁓ it's speaker-2: Well no ⁓ speaker-1: He's not even aiming that high. He's just aiming for B. He's got far low. speaker-0: If I could just if I could just get rid of that burning of the food thing. speaker-2: You gotta be remembered for burning food. speaker-0: It's it I tell you know what, that's ⁓ Miller's gonna say something about that in my eulogy. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. I can I can just see it now. I'm like, Yeah, it it's you know like being remembered and and I think you're right, Adele, it is that sort of close sort of circle, immediate circle thing. But at this you know at the end of the day as well, would you want more people to remember you or just a close? I think immediately obviously. ⁓ no. What do you speaker-1: It's the lines you impact. Yeah it doesn't have to be like you've you know five closest people or anything. But as in you want the people that you impact and interact with to see that as positive. And also, this sounds silly, uplifting. I'm finding that like the older I get, the less I can tolerate really negative people. ⁓ speaker-2: Yeah it's speaker-1: So I caught up with someone not that long ago and they were victim. Like just and there had nothing to be a victim about. It was like, you know, something bad happened, like someone cut me off in traffic, or this guy was being an arse. And I'm like, that guy probably just had a bad day. And the poor person that cut you off in traffic maybe just lost focus for a minute. So you know those people that can just see everything from the negative. Yeah. And I I walk away from stuff like that and I feel drained. And I'm like, I can't spend I can't spend my time and my life. sitting in that negative mindset either. So I think that's the other thing I find now is I want to walk away from time with people feeling like it was fun, Dex. Or like that. It was fun. ⁓ and feel good. Like I want to actually walk out of spending time with people feeling like, ⁓ that was that was good. That was really nice. That was really uplifting. Not ⁓ well that was a depressing afternoon. I need to go and like, you know, have a good cry or something. Like I think There's something to be said for lifting up the people in your lives rather than ⁓ dragging them down or just I don't know. speaker-0: Yeah. I I think that go I think that goes back to, you know, what Crystal was saying before is that ⁓ relationships and community and people are kind of everything at the end of the day. Like I r I remember like a long time ago, I was quite ⁓ I kept everything in and thought that I could like internally process some things and I thought it was fine and I thought it was right. But when you've got nothing, when you've got no one else to bounce things off, you you you get What is it? You get like what's you get tunnel vision. Yeah. It's just like this is this is how it is. And no one else is gonna say otherwise. And you just need people to say, Hey, that's wrong, or maybe should try this, or that's a good idea, or that's a bad idea. You just kind of need someone else to listen. so that you Yeah. Yeah. speaker-1: Different perspective. speaker-2: had I had that experience last week. You how I had a totally shoot week last week. I mean, so one of the things was that mid-glass thing. So I you know how I took over SEO a couple of months ago. So the traffic has been like dropping like massively since I took over. And you know the first month is okay because it's like, you know, we're just taking over and but the second month I was like, ⁓ my God. And then Rory was going, ⁓ my God, what's going on? And like calling me and stuff. And I was like ⁓ my God, I'm so stressed now. Because I was like, Dexter, this is Dexter's friend, and I've stopped inside. ⁓ Exactly. And because like Jared and Rory have been so good, I've been able to do everything that I want to do. Because some clients are like, no, I don't want that, I don't want that. I'm like, well, fine, but it's not gonna work. It's not gonna work. Yeah. ⁓ I've been able to do everything I wanted to do, and it's still tanking. So I was freaking out. speaker-1: No pressure. speaker-2: And then I realized I'm I can't do this by myself. And so I called a couple of my friends who do the same thing, a couple of colleagues, and they were so nice. I mean, I texted them on ⁓ Friday morning and they met with me on Friday afternoon, just on video. ⁓ made time for me, went over this went over the site, went over my strategy, ⁓ picked up some issues that we might be having and how It's probably not my fault. yeah, but I mean after that I felt, ⁓ my god, I really I've just been doing this all by myself and I just can't. I just cannot do it by myself. so and I felt really bad because I don't invest enough in these relationships to to be able to do that. I felt bad calling on them in my moment of need because I don't see them regularly. But they were so super lovely, you know? And I was like, God, I need to do more with them, not in my moment of crisis. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: But you probably find now that they would feel more comfortable asking you and bouncing stuff off you too. So there's obviously been that sort of professional barrier as just working relationships up until this point. And maybe you're the first one to kind of say, actually, can we like use each other's knowledge and bounce off each other? Apparently, as people, we ⁓ we find it easier to give than to accept. speaker-2: Yes, I do. speaker-0: Mm. speaker-1: So if they called you and said, I am tanky, can I ask your speaker-2: It's really hard. It's really hard for me to go, I've fucked this up. Like I mean, I don't know what I'm doing now and I'm panicking. And like, you know speaker-1: Obviously hadn't fucked it up. You just needed other people that'll do the same thing as you to look at it objectively and go, Right, maybe you can try this or whatever it is. speaker-2: Yeah. Yeah, and you know that state you're where you're going, I I actually don't know what to do and I'm doing a bit of this and I'm a bit of that and I'm like sort of just, you know, floundering? And I was like, I just need a direction, like somebody to talk to, and they can, you know, pick out a few things and that I can go on with. And I was like, that is so helpful because I'm just not thinking straight, like at that point. A whole whole bunch of other stuff happened. Like all these people died last week as well. That I knew. Yeah, like a couple of family friends died. My mum had like this huge appointments, ⁓ medical appointments as well. So I was just really not in the right headspace. Yeah. ⁓ but yeah, I mean speaker-1: Yeah. Maybe that's why you got to a point of going, I need to just ask for help And it it's nice to know that yeah, you do have people there that more than happy to help and just getting used to asking people 'cause we're not very good at it asking, I'm not. speaker-2: Yeah. ⁓ no, not at all. Not at all. I never, never do, never do. And I mean I like I said, I feel bad. Like I mean I feel like I'm using people to you know, to ask speaker-1: Because they're not gonna feel like using them at all. They're gonna feel like, ⁓ that was nice. We could actually bounce ideas off each other. Next time I do something I'll do the same. But I reckon we're very much strangely raised to try and be independent and self sufficient. Yes. I don't know why, because as you said, we're much better collectively at achieving things when we're open to them. But yeah, we've gotten really bad at it. And it feels really nice when you do kinda go, ⁓ that was speaker-2: Yeah, yeah, no, that was cool. And I mean and then I ended up catching up with a lot of people. I had book club on the weekend and then I caught up with some other friends at the last minute we went when I saw a show together and it I've just felt, ⁓ my god, I like this is actually I feel really good now. Like I've talked to speaker-1: You needed the community around you to remind you. speaker-2: Like a community to talk about stuff that happened rather than just sitting on my own and being stressed about everything. Yeah. So speaker-0: It's it's funny too, because I I think we all know people that are on the polar opposite of that scale, where they're always asking for stuff. And I I know for I know for me that's what that was holding me back sometimes in terms of ⁓ I I I can ask people for help on certain things and I've got, you know, obviously different people to ask for different problems. but then in my head I'm also mindful of speaker-2: Being like that. speaker-0: I don't want to be like that guy, like every other day, constantly asking constantly and sometimes Yeah, and nuisance. And sometimes I'm like, ⁓ like that's not a bad trait to have, but I but I'm conscious of it as well, to be like, I don't want to be like that guy. But because I'm me thinking as me, he might not think like that and possibly doesn't think like that. You know what I mean? He's not aware. Yeah. ⁓ but then him asking me all of this stuff, I could be the only one that could feel that way. If he does that to like a whole bunch of other people, the other people I'll be like, ⁓ speaker-2: She's probably not aware at all. speaker-0: It's him again. No problems, I'll help him out. And sometimes I'm like, wait, am I the bad person here? Because I don't want to help him. But I do, like, you know, and it's I don't know who said it to me before, but it was like I think the word was projecting where you you see people act a particular way and you kind of don't want to be like them. And and so sometimes you you curtail your So the Yeah, and so you're like, Well, I don't want to be like that, so I'll try and not speaker-2: Like you're too much the other way. speaker-0: you know, ask for help as much. Whereas it's like if you'd asked for help in the beginning, you would have like saved all this time, you know, and all of this stress. So ⁓ yeah, no, it is it is interesting when ⁓ when you get to that sort of level where it's like I don't want to do it because I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to be annoying and they're gonna think less of me and you've got this thing. You know, you were talking about before Crystal about stature and status and all that sort of stuff. And it's like we all like to think we're up here. And I know sometimes as well, like even if it's an IT question, it's like, ⁓ if I have to if I have to ask this guy, he's gonna think like I'm not as smart as I think I am speaker-2: Yeah, because they have a domain but can't figure it out, yeah. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: Yeah. It's like people think if you're in IT and you do IT training, you mustn't know what you're doing. It's like, well no, you're meant to be up skilling in your own industry all the time. We've got this reverse psychology. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-2: No, yeah, you can't just know everything when you're born. How would you know if you don't learn crazy. speaker-0: No. It's crazy. So it it is it is true, isn't it? Just, you know, having people around. It's ⁓ it's funny because I I I remember like our initial talks where we're like, I'm just gonna stay home in bed. And like it still sounds like it's a nice speaker-2: Like it's really uncomfortable for me to come to that revelation because I am not a person who likes groups, who likes crowds, who goes out and makes friends. Like I'm not one of those people. But I realize that actually that's what's important. So I've got to change myself. It's really uncomfortable for me because I'm not naturally like that. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: Is that since you've been working on your own business? Are you like more aware of it because you're not surrounded by people every day? And it's like you've got to actively make the effort to have those relationships. Whereas before, if you're surrounded by people every day, you go home and you want to be away from people. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-2: I think I'm naturally I naturally enjoy being by myself. I naturally I still love it. Like I mean them when I feel the most well and like mentally well and I feel ⁓ my god, I'm having this like huge, you know, mental wellness spike. I'm always on my own. ⁓ yeah. If and I I feel kind of bad because like sometimes I'm like, ⁓ maybe I should be like feel good when I'm with my daughter or like, you know, when I'm hanging out with my friends, but I I don't. I mean, I feel fine, like I'm feel good with them, but when I hit that spike, it's always when I'm on my own. speaker-1: Probably when you're with other people it's energy out. Yeah. speaker-2: Yes, I'm an introvert. Yeah, I I'm actually introverted. They drain me. After a while, like most people drain me. there's only certain people that don't. And like you know like like you were saying, like uplift you. There's only certain people out there that actually recharge my batteries. ⁓ that I really love being with. And I mean they they're fantastic, but yeah, most people drain life out of me. speaker-0: No, I I I I think I agree. I I don't know, is that for everyone or is is it for you, Adele? Like I I think I'm the same where ⁓ I think no, I'm I'm okay with people. I love people. But I I I think No, but I think I I think the most ⁓ Zen, the most zen that I ever I ever get to is usually when I'm by myself. But it's the I think it's the only time where you actually get to sit down and go, hmm. Okay, let's think about this. Like how are things going? It's the only it's like check in time is the only time that you can ⁓ at least that I can basically assess how things are going. 'Cause like if you're around other people, even if it's your kid or your parents or whoever, you you're like what Adele said, it's like an energy out thing. Yeah. And it's it's rarely internal. Whereas speaker-2: I thought some people love that. Like I mean, some people don't like being alone and don't like sitting on their own. I thought this quite unusual to I love going into a restaurant and sitting on my own. ⁓ my god, that's the best apparently that's a big fear. speaker-0: Drive speaker-1: That's fear for there's people that can't be on their own because they're not comfortable sitting in their own emotions. They'd rather just be busy because then they don't have to think about Whereas I think if you're quite settled in yourself, you relish the chance to be by yourself. In fairness, not in a restaurant for me. I love it when I've got the house to myself. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-2: Yeah. I will love it. Yeah, yeah, it's a house or ⁓ love it, yeah. speaker-1: I think yeah. speaker-0: Yeah, interesting. Yeah, there are certain people. Like I I know I have a friend that ⁓ that he'll he'll go to the movies by himself. And I and I and I thought that was a bit weird. The the restaurant thing, I don't think I've ever done that. I've I've done coffee, so that doesn't count. ⁓ I do that on Yeah, that's that's like an every that's like an everyday thing. But to actually go to a restaurant, ⁓ table for one. And order a meal. Yeah, I'll I'll have the I'll have the sides, I'll have the main, and then a dessert, and then bounce. I I I'm not saying it's not for me, I'm not saying it's for everyone, but I I I don't know. I don't know how I would speaker-2: I to do that because I used to work in sales as a sales rep. So I used to drive around into like and like eat in a restaurant on my own. And I know that a lot of other reps used to just buy takeaway and eat it by themselves. Yeah. Their hotel. But I'm like, ⁓ my God, I can't wait to go to a restaurant on my own and order a wine and like not I don't drink anymore. But ⁓ yeah, I just relish it. I love it. I was like too uncomfortable. speaker-0: Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think 'cause I've always associated eating out with other people. Like the the the thought of doing it on my own ⁓ is so foreign because it's like, hey, let's go to a restaurant, let's eat this, and it could be with Liv or it could be with like other people. And so when it's just like me sitting there and ordering a proper meal, I'll be like, you what, I'll just just take this home thing. speaker-2: But I was like, ⁓ I can't wait to like have this meal and have nobody talk to me so I can actually eat it in peace. Yeah. Enjoy it. speaker-0: Danielle, you traveled alone, didn't you? Initially? Or not? speaker-1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I went to so first time I went to Europe I did it as a school tour to university initially and then I went to Prado. Yes. Went to Prato first with Crash and then I went to London and got on a Kentucky tour. Yeah. And then the year later I just got on a plane, went to London and backpacked around for six or seven weeks. ⁓ awesome. ⁓ which was speaker-0: That's right. You did the did you do the same? speaker-1: Great. You just you you force yourself to then meet people 'cause you stay in hostels, so you talk to people, what did they do? Where did they go? Where are they heading for dinner? So you get the chance to be by yourself if you want to do stuff on your own and if you want to meet people and you know, what have you, it's best of both worlds. It's great. speaker-2: Hmm. I think. speaker-0: See they should they should they should force that kind of thing after school, I reckon. Like it's I don't know. Like it's it's it's it's such a thing where, you know, you're in school for for twelve years and then if if you go straight to university, it's kind of similar in a way, but you're you're still quite structured in that environment. ⁓ but certain skills they don't really sort of develop until they do things like get a job, they travel, they they're put in ⁓ in different environments, dealing with different sorts of people and you know, certain little things help, but like those kind of life skills, like dealing with people, creating or making friends and and just, you know, I I remember one of the one of the highlights of as a dad, and it sounds so weird, was ⁓ when I was shopping with Cadence when she was still young and she was looking for something and she actually went to like a an assistant and asked for it, like on her own. Without me saying, Hey, ask they were just like, Hey, do you have this in my south? I'm like, ⁓ She's interacting with people like other adults that aren't just family. ⁓ my god. speaker-2: That's big thing for a kid. It is struggled with that a lot. speaker-0: Yeah. And it's ⁓ when they sort of learn to be like, I'm gonna ask, I'm gonna take the initiative and ask about this or do that or you know, I'm just like, ⁓ my god, she's growing up. So those human Yeah, well it's like those skills there, like it it it it amazes me how people do that, like we know, straight out of school and they travel, like neighbors up the street, their their kid has done that. I think they did I think they did America. Well they did the the camp, you know, the summer camp stuff. Like that's a big thing, you know, straight out of high school, ⁓ three months away, to a bunch of strangers, foreign country doing I I don't know what what they're doing. But it's almost like like I never had I never had that gene, I never had that sort of thing in me. So it it always ⁓ it always surprises me that they can do that. And and the and like one, the parents let them for the first thing. and the second thing is they actually go do that. But when they come back, you know, a lot of the times you can you can tell When you speak to them and how they act around other people, it's like, okay, you've you know, there's something there. They've done something that a lot of people haven't. There's like a maturity or there's like a confidence or sometimes there's a bit of an attitude, but there's something that's a bit different to everyone else that has just gone, you know, high school, straight into university and studied and that sort of stuff. speaker-2: Yeah, yeah. speaker-0: Experience. Life experience. Okay. I think that's it for today. Let me let me let me stop this recording.