Latest / It's Mom O'Clock / EPISODE 28: "Merry Clitmas To All, And To All A Goodnight"

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EPISODE 28: "Merry Clitmas To All, And To All A Goodnight" · It's Mom O'Clock

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Hey, mamas. Today's episode is brought to you by the Fortis Agency, a financial services firm located in the Bell Works building in Holmdel, New Jersey. We know that taking care of your family is your number one priority. And at the Fortis Agency, it's ours, too. That's why we're here, to offer simple, effective strategies to help you protect what matters most, your loved ones and their future. We won't dive into any complicated financial jargon here. Instead, think of us as your partner in building a secure, comfortable financial path forward for you and your kids. And here's something special when you let us know you found us through the Mom o' Clock podcast. We'll make a donation to the children's specialized hospital. So by taking a step to protect your family and save for the future, you're also helping other children in need. Please reach out to Michael Divisio with this email provided next mdivizio the fortisagency.com that is M. Divisio@the fortisagency.com and mention mama Clock. We're excited to be a part of your journey.
• 1:11
  Speaker B: All right, Mama Cock fam. Tis the season to spike your cocoa, upgrade your holiday cocktails, and treat yourself to something a little more fun than another scented candle. We need to put you onto Juicy Tits Vodka. Yes, that's the name and yes, it is absolutely iconic. Juicy is a premium fruit infused vodka that's smooth, flavorful, and basically designed for moms who want their drink to be just as bold and unapologetic as they are. It's the official vodka of letting loose at the holiday party or hiding in the pantry with a cocktail while your kids redecorate the tree for the fifth time. And because Juicy understands us, they're giving Mama Clock listeners 10% off your order. Just head to www.juicytitsvaca.com and use code Mama Clock at checkout. So whether you're hosting, roasting, wrapping till midnight, or just trying to survive elf on the shelf season, make your holidays a little more juicy. Once again, that's Juicy Tits vodka dot com. Juicy is spelled J O, O, I, C Y just to let you know. Code mama clock for 10 off your holiday spirits. Cheers, moms. And may your night be very bright and a little boozy.
• 2:21
  Speaker A: Hello.
• 2:22
  Speaker B: You guys, stop. Is it Mom o' Clock yet? I'm going crazy.
• 2:27
  Speaker A: Heck yeah, it's Mom o' clock somewhere. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. I am so excited for the holidays. Can you tell? Let's show our shirts.
• 3:03
  Speaker B: Okay. What does yours say mine's cooler?
• 3:05
  Speaker A: It is way cooler.
• 3:07
  Speaker B: Mine says. What does mine say?
• 3:09
  Speaker A: Santa's little helper with three express martinis. And mine is like a cute red bow.
• 3:15
  Speaker B: Yours is so cute. And your pants, but you can't say.
• 3:17
  Speaker A: You can see them.
• 3:18
  Speaker B: Oh yeah. Oh, look cute. Hi.
• 3:21
  Speaker A: Well, this is our Christmas special episode. I feel like we haven't done this in so long, I forget how.
• 3:27
  Speaker B: Wait, we have not recorded in a while. Hot minute. We went on vacation.
• 3:32
  Speaker A: Thanksgiving.
• 3:33
  Speaker B: Everything happened.
• 3:34
  Speaker A: Now it's the holidays. I can't even explain to you what happened to us in the past two days. I. I'm just like very overwhelmed.
• 3:41
  Speaker B: I mean, I never thought a giveaway would be so stressful.
• 3:44
  Speaker A: No, it was so great. No, let me just explain the warning real quick. So we just announced our giveaway. We're so excited for you. Deanna Gomez won our giveaway.
• 3:52
  Speaker B: Woo woo.
• 3:53
  Speaker A: And she won the G7X Canon camera, which is so cool. First of all, backtrack. We had so many entries, it was insane.
• 4:04
  Speaker B: I mean the amount of comments, likes, DMs, tags, tags, all the things like thank you. We are so grateful for this.
• 4:14
  Speaker A: Community.
• 4:14
  Speaker B: Community.
• 4:14
  Speaker A: It was like so insane to watch. So we went live to announce the giveaway. Okay, let me just preference. This morning was a shit show with my son. He like shit in every place of the house. On the changing table, in the bathtub. It was just on the floor. I'm like, what is happening this morning? Then Emily gets here, I what are we doing? Trying to find you an outfit for a baby shower. Doing your makeup.
• 4:36
  Speaker B: My personal stylist.
• 4:37
  Speaker A: Then my poor mother calls me, says she has a flat tire so she hasn't left yet. She's the one watching my son. So my son's running rampant. So then she gets here.
• 4:45
  Speaker B: Thank God he's self sufficient as a one year old.
• 4:47
  Speaker A: Literally.
• 4:48
  Speaker B: Remember when he came over and he was like staring at us?
• 4:52
  Speaker A: So then my mom gets here. She runs in the house. My poor mother. I'm sweating because we have one minute until we're going live. And like if you know when you go live, like you have to go live at the exact hour.
• 5:02
  Speaker B: I think I like going live.
• 5:03
  Speaker A: No, I don't like it at all. So we go live. My poor mother runs inside. My son's screaming his head off. I can't go live yet because my son's screaming. I run upstairs. My mom like doesn't know what to do with this kid because he's screaming his head off. Finally gets him down. Backtrack. My mom got the flat tire, right? So we're on live. My dad calls me, and it mutes the entire life so nobody knows who won. My brother calls me. He's like, you know, we can't hear you.
• 5:27
  Speaker B: We. Because we put everything on do not disturb. I'm getting text messages from everyone. Muted, muted, muted, muted. Look at the comments. Look at the comments.
• 5:34
  Speaker A: And I saw my dad call, but I'm like, there's no way it's gonna, like, be trouble.
• 5:37
  Speaker B: Trouble.
• 5:38
  Speaker A: Meanwhile, I call my dad back. He has no understanding of what's going on. And then we go live again, announce the giveaway winner again. And I'm just dripping swept because I don't like when things don't go according to plan. According to plan. Like, you don't remember that.
• 5:54
  Speaker B: I do. I usually. I, like, thrive.
• 5:56
  Speaker A: She's laughing, and I'm like. I'm like, can we focus? Because I'm freaking out.
• 5:59
  Speaker B: This is chaotic. This is.
• 6:00
  Speaker A: That is my worst nightmare. You don't.
• 6:01
  Speaker B: I. I know for a tight, one.
• 6:03
  Speaker A: Of us has to be. So anyway, I'm so happy we're talking about Christmas because it's gonna make me in such a better mood.
• 6:09
  Speaker B: The magic. It's the most magical time of the year.
• 6:12
  Speaker A: I mean, I'm a Christmas baby, so. I love Christmas. Yeah. I mean, I'm so excited for the holidays. I got all my Christmas shopping done. Did you?
• 6:20
  Speaker B: The amount of stress you have given me when you text me saying, I'm done.
• 6:24
  Speaker A: Well, it's Cyber Monday. Why aren't we shopping?
• 6:26
  Speaker B: Don't tell me you're done with your list because I have not started three.
• 6:30
  Speaker A: Kids and haven't started.
• 6:31
  Speaker B: No, but to be honest, like, if another package comes to my house, I will be divorced.
• 6:36
  Speaker A: I walked out of your house last night after dinner, and I was like. I didn't want to say it because then your kids would probably open it.
• 6:40
  Speaker B: I was like, no.
• 6:44
  Speaker A: What do you do when they get to come to the front door? What do you do? Thank God two of your kids are in school.
• 6:47
  Speaker B: I mean, I have to, like, be a. A secret spy agent and, like, grab it, put it under my shirt, run into the shed. I like moms. Where are you hiding the presents? I need to know I don't feel bad.
• 6:59
  Speaker A: Let me backtrack. Also, I don't feel bad for my behavior this morning because of my kids framing everything. Because you also get so stressed out, too. And I'm happy you do, because it makes me feel better. Like, last night during dinner time, we.
• 7:11
  Speaker B: Spent a Lot of time together this time.
• 7:12
  Speaker A: So we saw.
• 7:13
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 7:13
  Speaker A: What we usually do, but we kind of saw our, like, mornings and nights.
• 7:16
  Speaker B: Well, we kicked off. We could. We talked about yesterday. We kicked it off with some. Trying to see Nightmare.
• 7:21
  Speaker A: Absolute nightmare. But it's so funny. This is so much better. That, like, you kind of get all moms get in the same boat.
• 7:28
  Speaker B: You just know. Yeah. You just know.
• 7:29
  Speaker A: Makes me happier.
• 7:30
  Speaker B: Yeah. Oh, so you. You like when I'm stressing. Yeah.
• 7:32
  Speaker A: I'm like, I. I didn't feel bad because I'm like, I get the same way. So I don't ever judge from happy. You get the same way when you're in your element. Because it makes me feel like I'm not. Not.
• 7:40
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I mean, I was trying to cook dinner. I was trying to, like, Joey was.
• 7:44
  Speaker A: Acting like a loon. Vienna never acts like a looney. She was kind of acting looney. And she's never crazy.
• 7:49
  Speaker B: No. You know what? They got so excited. They love their cousin when her son comes to our house. It is Christmas.
• 7:54
  Speaker A: It's so cute when they do that, actually.
• 7:56
  Speaker B: And then they want to show Zia everything.
• 7:59
  Speaker A: Smacking my butt. Like, running around naked, sitting on me naked. And I'm like, who has poop in their ass? Because I can smell it. But I love nothing more. We had so much fun. And you cooked a really good dinner.
• 8:09
  Speaker B: Thank you.
• 8:09
  Speaker A: You really did.
• 8:10
  Speaker B: Thanks.
• 8:11
  Speaker A: For a mom of three with your kids as crazy as they are, I'm.
• 8:14
  Speaker B: Literally slapping the their plates together. I'm like, kids, come and eat so we could try.
• 8:18
  Speaker A: No, I loved it.
• 8:19
  Speaker B: We were.
• 8:20
  Speaker A: And I was like this.
• 8:21
  Speaker B: Do other moms just eat standing up? Because, yeah, I don't even eat. I did, but I. But I had the bowl running around. Like, I don't think I sit down and eat.
• 8:29
  Speaker A: I love watching you do it. I, like, sat back and enjoyed every minute anyway. But back to Christmas.
• 8:34
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 8:35
  Speaker A: Stuffing Christmas presents under your shirt, which is crazy of you.
• 8:38
  Speaker B: I have a lot of categories. You don't have an outline, so can we follow the.
• 8:43
  Speaker A: I have nothing. I'm just. I have note cards that have nothing on them, but I didn't want to show them they're cute. How cute are not cards. Okay, go. Well, don't bend them.
• 8:52
  Speaker B: Oh, sorry. My God. My God. I did I bend to them? I just have to say this is my favorite stage of Christmas with Vienna because guess why. Why she can't pronounce her Rs. Yeah, she says Ls. So it's a very merry Clitmas.
• 9:09
  Speaker A: No.
• 9:10
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah, baby. She says clitmas.
• 9:13
  Speaker A: It's clitmas. That's hysterical.
• 9:15
  Speaker B: Every time she says it, I just get into a full on giggle because.
• 9:18
  Speaker A: She has no idea what's happening.
• 9:19
  Speaker B: She's like, mommy.
• 9:20
  Speaker A: Merry clitmas. Does your husband use it again?
• 9:23
  Speaker B: No, he likes it. He's like, this is funny.
• 9:25
  Speaker A: That is hilarious.
• 9:26
  Speaker B: No, she says. She says clibby instead of cribby. She says my butt clack instead of butt crack. It's so funny.
• 9:32
  Speaker A: I kind of love that.
• 9:33
  Speaker B: Merry clip, miss everyone.
• 9:34
  Speaker A: Merry clip, miss everybody.
• 9:35
  Speaker B: Your clits happy?
• 9:38
  Speaker A: That's so funny.
• 9:39
  Speaker B: Actually, I was thinking of something.
• 9:41
  Speaker A: You just stared through my soul.
• 9:42
  Speaker B: All these giveaway. No, like, all these giveaways. Like, I. I never saw giveaways before, but now it's just, like, all I see. Yeah, it's. And like, I've seen, like, purses and stuff, but then I saw, like this, like, sex toy kit. Like, I want to be a sponsor for a vibrator.
• 9:59
  Speaker A: You want to do that?
• 10:00
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 10:00
  Speaker A: You would be awesome.
• 10:01
  Speaker B: I know. Like, hello, Shout me out.
• 10:03
  Speaker A: And you have like a sexy.
• 10:05
  Speaker B: Like, send me all the vibrators. Dildos. I will test them out.
• 10:10
  Speaker A: We're gonna take your pictures. What camera? Because we just gave it away.
• 10:15
  Speaker B: No, but, like, I feel like that's like the first. Like, I. I don't know if Paige or someone did it, but, like, they were being sponsored by vibrators. Like, it's a small thing. Like Adam and Eve. Hook me up.
• 10:26
  Speaker A: Adam and Eve. That's hilarious.
• 10:29
  Speaker B: Mom's mastermind. Can you imagine?
• 10:31
  Speaker A: That's like our first PR package.
• 10:34
  Speaker B: Now your PR package came.
• 10:35
  Speaker A: I know. I can't wait to do a little show and tell.
• 10:37
  Speaker B: Oh, I can't wait.
• 10:39
  Speaker A: What are we talking about?
• 10:40
  Speaker B: Elf on the Shelf.
• 10:41
  Speaker A: I didn't start, but I know you did. Freaking snickerdoodles hanging on her bath shower head.
• 10:47
  Speaker B: First of all, I did the most epic mom fail of all time with. Oh, yeah, this elf. If you. This elf is a part of your life. You get it. You know it. If it's not, don't start it. Just don't do it.
• 10:56
  Speaker A: Why did you start it?
• 10:57
  Speaker B: Because it's the magic of Christmas, okay?
• 11:00
  Speaker A: Your kids wouldn't know if you didn't. Actually.
• 11:02
  Speaker B: No, now they would. Yeah, but so my kids are ages 2 to 5, right? This is prime time. This is magic. This is everything kids, like, live for right now is Christmas. Right? So Elf on the Shelf came to our house. I think I started when Joey was probably 2.
• 11:19
  Speaker A: When you just had Joey.
• 11:20
  Speaker B: I had Joey and Vienna.
• 11:21
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 11:22
  Speaker B: And Rocco. No, when Joey was two, ya was like one.
• 11:26
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 11:27
  Speaker B: And Snickerdoodle is our elf and he is a part of our family and he comes December 1st every year. I'm so excited about it. Woohoo.
• 11:36
  Speaker A: Do you have to order a new one every?
• 11:38
  Speaker B: No. So we've kept ours. Except three years ago, I burnt him. I put him on the chandelier and I burnt his head off. So we did order. So snickerdool times two. Okay? But my biggest mom fail this year was I ordered. I caved and I ordered an elf on the shelf kit because they have all these, like, trinkets and all these things and like, the magic love. They have all these things.
• 12:01
  Speaker A: A lot to talk about.
• 12:04
  Speaker B: And the box came to my house. It was an Amazon box. My mom was babysitting. And Joe, Joey and Vienna rip open boxes.
• 12:13
  Speaker A: Why?
• 12:13
  Speaker B: They just do. They. They just do now. That's why I have to be super sneaky. Yeah. So they ripped open this box. On this box is a picture of the elf on the shelf and all the little trinkety things. So it's like a dead giveaway, right? So my mom was like, sweating. She called me. She's like, if there's an emergency 911, I go, Mom.
• 12:31
  Speaker A: She goes, kid is dead. That's what I would think.
• 12:33
  Speaker B: They open the health kit, like, no. So I'm like, okay, what do I do? Like, I have to think quick. So obviously, what do I do? Ask Chat. GPT. What should I do? It tells me a genius fucking thing. Oh, yeah, it tells me to. So I came home, I tell them, I explain, okay, sometimes the elf. Because this was before December 1st. Okay? So sometimes the elf brings a package to the or, delivers a package, and needs to make sure that the Christmas magic is activated. But they did this before December 1st. So we have to send it back to the North Pole and reactivate the. To make sure the house has.
• 13:09
  Speaker A: I'm like, listening.
• 13:10
  Speaker B: I believe you're talking out of my asshole. I just made like, Chat told me to say this. I'm like, I don't even know what I'm saying. But my kids were like, okay, what do we have to do? I'm like, okay, we have to go get cinnamon, sugar, flour, and baking soda.
• 13:20
  Speaker A: You have all those ingredients?
• 13:21
  Speaker B: I have all those things. Thank God. We put the box outside on the front porch. We're sprinkling, we're doing abracadabras. I'm like, okay. Tonight the box will Be gone and it'll be back to the North Pole. They're like, I'm so excited.
• 13:32
  Speaker A: So was it gone?
• 13:33
  Speaker B: It was gone. I took it away. It was gone. They never thought about it again. They were like, do. The next morning they're like, do you think it worked? I go with the boxes in here. The magic happens.
• 13:42
  Speaker A: That is so funny.
• 13:43
  Speaker B: The elf came, crisis averted.
• 13:46
  Speaker A: I understand the magic. Like, I want the magic to be there, but I don't want to have to participate in the elf on the show.
• 13:50
  Speaker B: It's a lot. It's a lot. But honestly, it's all December. It is. It's every day. You should see me and Joey at night. It's like 10pm I'm like, I didn't move the elf, so I'm running downstairs. Yeah.
• 14:03
  Speaker A: Do you do anything creative and fun?
• 14:05
  Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I try, but I mean like two nights ago, he was hanging from. I do. Like a sprinkle? No, like a zip line. A clear piece of fishing. What's it called?
• 14:20
  Speaker A: Yeah, like string.
• 14:21
  Speaker B: He was hanging and he had toilet paper wrapped around the house. The Christmas tree. It's a lot. It's like, why? But like, I do it to myself.
• 14:29
  Speaker A: So how old are you going to do it? Until what age?
• 14:32
  Speaker B: Until they stopped believing and thinking of stopping believing. I was at the nail salon. I was next to this mom getting her nails done and she was talking to the woman and she was like, my kids don't believe anymore.
• 14:44
  Speaker A: No.
• 14:45
  Speaker B: And I was like, I think I.
• 14:46
  Speaker A: Believed for a very long time.
• 14:47
  Speaker B: Sorry, I'm eavesdropping. How old are your kids? And she's like 9 and 10. I was like, oh my God, I'm so sad. She's like, honestly, it's the saddest thing ever. Old are your kids. And I was like 2, 3 and 5. And she was like, do everything. Don't take it for granted and just do everything. Just live in the moment of believing. It's the magic.
• 15:08
  Speaker A: Yeah, I, I, I'm just like that. I do all that stuff to. I'll never stop. I'm like so upset that I can't put my tree up. Know why? Cuz there's big fat tables in the way.
• 15:15
  Speaker B: Oh, it would be right here. Yeah, I'm sorry for.
• 15:17
  Speaker A: So no Christmas celebration here. You have a good. I have Geostra. I always do Geostra.
• 15:22
  Speaker B: Yeah, that one's cute. What about. So like, do you hide packages from your husband or like for his gifts? Yeah, like what do you do for that?
• 15:35
  Speaker A: Yeah, I had them where do you hide them in the closet? When he would. I could leave them on the steps and he would not see the package walk over it. Correct. I'd like. Did you see. Can I tell you a story?
• 15:48
  Speaker B: Actually? Funny.
• 15:49
  Speaker A: One time there was, like, a big, fat, long comforter hanging over my banister. Like, halfway down the steps.
• 15:56
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 15:57
  Speaker A: And I go, hon, will you go grab me the comforter? And he's like, where? I was like, what do you mean? You walked up and down the steps 30 times the past three days. You didn't see the big, long, fat, chunky comforter hanging over a banister? So I could literally put, merry Christmas, Michael. These are your Christmas presents. And just organize them on the steps and you would never see them.
• 16:17
  Speaker B: Honestly, I probably wouldn't.
• 16:18
  Speaker A: I don't have to hide Gio's toys. They're all right here. He has no idea.
• 16:22
  Speaker B: Yeah. So he's at the age, like, it gets a lot trickier.
• 16:25
  Speaker A: He knows their toys.
• 16:26
  Speaker B: Right, but he doesn't know their.
• 16:27
  Speaker A: Right. I think next year he's going to. He doesn't really know Santa now. Like, I'm like, santa's coming. He doesn't care.
• 16:33
  Speaker B: How about Rocco and Gio? Was Santa yesterday?
• 16:36
  Speaker A: No, I can't. So we caved into. Was that your first year doing that? It was mine. Oh. I never did the mall Santa Claus thing. I probably won't ever do it again for other reasons that we won't speak of. But also, he was a really nice Santa. I have to say.
• 16:52
  Speaker B: He was a cute Santa. Nice.
• 16:53
  Speaker A: He, like, let me take a video.
• 16:54
  Speaker B: Yeah. And the troll elf was screaming at us.
• 16:57
  Speaker A: Yeah. Like, first of all, there's nine of you. You don't need nine of you to stand there. And do what? Nothing. Because you're not helping.
• 17:03
  Speaker B: I'm picturing that movie where the elves.
• 17:05
  Speaker A: They'Re, like, so mean. They were so mean.
• 17:08
  Speaker B: Merry Christmas.
• 17:09
  Speaker A: If you go to the Short Hills Mall, don't and do pictures. No.
• 17:12
  Speaker B: They have a good display.
• 17:13
  Speaker A: It was cute, like, for them to play. Couldn't get the snow out of my son's hair.
• 17:16
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 17:18
  Speaker A: Me washing my son's hair at your house was insane. So I. We took the pictures. I knew Gio was gonna freak out. Didn't freak out as much as Rocco did. Rocco definitely freaked out.
• 17:27
  Speaker B: Rocco lost his mind.
• 17:28
  Speaker A: Lost his mind.
• 17:29
  Speaker B: But I. I. I, like, kind of wanted that. You.
• 17:31
  Speaker A: Me too. You wanted the pictures?
• 17:32
  Speaker B: I wanted the picture of the screaming kid on the Santa's lap. So I, like, threw him on. Santa ran away, got the picture and then went on a merry way. But then he did, like, high five Santa and, like, he was happy.
• 17:41
  Speaker A: It was cute. So highly recommended that just to do it. It was fun. We used to make an appointment, though.
• 17:45
  Speaker B: And I only had two out of my three kids, and I felt guilty the entire time.
• 17:49
  Speaker A: You did.
• 17:50
  Speaker B: I was like, oh, my God, I'm missing a kid. This is sad. I can't really, like, spend full experience. Yeah.
• 17:56
  Speaker A: But V got a special moment.
• 17:57
  Speaker B: She did. She got her special moment. She told Santa everything she wanted. Yeah.
• 18:00
  Speaker A: I asked her, of course, what she was asking for. She said a Barbie.
• 18:03
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 18:05
  Speaker A: See, like, I'm also not used to saying, like, Santa's bringing. Because I'm like, I'm not in that mode yet.
• 18:09
  Speaker B: Right.
• 18:09
  Speaker A: It's. I'm like, I'm buying.
• 18:10
  Speaker B: You know, I am in the mode of threatening for my life that Santa's not coming.
• 18:15
  Speaker A: Like, oh, your husband. Your husband screamed about the Lego thing.
• 18:19
  Speaker B: About, oh, my God.
• 18:21
  Speaker A: Meanwhile, he just went to go pick it up. No, he showed me the receipt.
• 18:25
  Speaker B: Santa is my co parent of December, I think, like, but it's so bad. It's like empty threats. Like, obviously they're gonna get what they want.
• 18:31
  Speaker A: I try, and my son's like, who the is Santa? I'm like, santa's coming. You better be a good boy.
• 18:36
  Speaker B: I'm texting Santa right now.
• 18:37
  Speaker A: Yeah, like, my son could give a less.
• 18:39
  Speaker B: My kids love calling Santa doing all those things. Yeah, but it'll get serious.
• 18:44
  Speaker A: I also was gonna say another thing we do is PNC lights. We go see that. That's really fun. In Jersey, we love. That's a tradition of ours. We're actually going to this, like, Christmas village thing in. I think it's Cranford, but also a new tradition. No, we're going to dinner tonight.
• 19:02
  Speaker B: You're so busy. I'm. I'm.
• 19:04
  Speaker A: No, we're going with Steph next weekend. You want to come Saturday?
• 19:06
  Speaker B: Yeah, sure.
• 19:07
  Speaker A: We'll talk about it later.
• 19:08
  Speaker B: But another thing.
• 19:08
  Speaker A: We're going to Cape May. Me, my mom, and Giovanni. They have a Christmas village in Cape May. It's so cute. I cannot wait.
• 19:14
  Speaker B: Yeah, like what. What Christmas, like, traditions do. Do you want to keep? And which ones do you want to, like, throw away?
• 19:20
  Speaker A: Well, I feel like I haven't started, but I always wrap my kids gifts. Like, I'll never, like, put them in bags. I'll always be a wrapping mom because my mom was.
• 19:29
  Speaker B: I was my mom about the non wrapping parents that just leave them unwrapped the tree Will never be me.
• 19:35
  Speaker A: My mom used to do that night and day, wrap our gifts till when we were born. Until we were. I don't even know how old. With bows and the prettiest wrapping paper.
• 19:44
  Speaker B: Different colors for different kids.
• 19:45
  Speaker A: I would have one color and Joey would have another color.
• 19:47
  Speaker B: I'm trying to figure that out now.
• 19:49
  Speaker A: Yeah. And, yeah, now I only have one. But then it gets right to a theme. Like, I.
• 19:52
  Speaker B: My mom did that too when you do that. Because then they, like, compare, like.
• 19:55
  Speaker A: Yeah. I used to be so upset if my brother had more toys than me.
• 19:58
  Speaker B: So, like, maybe everyone should stick with the same. Yeah.
• 20:01
  Speaker A: But I will always wrap. I'll never put in bags. I know a lot of people do that. I always have, like, a little tree for my son themed. This year's gingerbread. Last year was Grinch.
• 20:10
  Speaker B: You have your gingerbread. Gingerbread Barco Bar.
• 20:13
  Speaker A: Yeah, I always do, like, something like that. I'll probably do the elf thing. Didn't start it yet, but I'll probably do that. Always will. Go see PNC lights because it's just been since he was born.
• 20:22
  Speaker B: I want to take him out of the car seat and let him sit on your lap.
• 20:26
  Speaker A: I haven't yet.
• 20:27
  Speaker B: Oh, you have to do that.
• 20:28
  Speaker A: But my car seat swivels so he can look out the window. If you wanted to.
• 20:31
  Speaker B: We let our kids drive through it.
• 20:33
  Speaker A: But we take him. Him out and run through pnc because you can.
• 20:36
  Speaker B: You can get out.
• 20:37
  Speaker A: Yeah. And there's a whole village.
• 20:40
  Speaker B: I don't think they ever got out. Yeah.
• 20:41
  Speaker A: It's fun. We took the dog. But Kate May. I want to make a tradition. That's a new tradition I definitely want to keep.
• 20:47
  Speaker B: I. That sounds fun.
• 20:49
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 20:50
  Speaker B: Do you know what you should toss running around? What? No. Like, I. We talk. We were talking about our Christmases and you have. She has to go to like 12,000 places.
• 21:03
  Speaker A: Is that not my life, though?
• 21:04
  Speaker B: No, it is your life.
• 21:05
  Speaker A: Do you ever sit back and you're like, okay, she is the way she is because, like, she just runs around like lunatic.
• 21:09
  Speaker B: I mean, like, you guys have a lot of people and you have a lot of family.
• 21:12
  Speaker A: I don't want to. Can they go away?
• 21:14
  Speaker B: Like I'm crying once they leave in my Christmas pajamas and just rot with my kids?
• 21:19
  Speaker A: Yeah. Why can't I rot?
• 21:20
  Speaker B: I mean, you could.
• 21:22
  Speaker A: Can we talk about what I have to do?
• 21:23
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 21:24
  Speaker A: And then I want to get into what we're asking for for Christmas. Because that's like a hard ass topic.
• 21:30
  Speaker B: What we are asking for. I'M getting coal. What do you mean? I got diamond earrings for my birthday. That's about. That's Christmas.
• 21:38
  Speaker A: Yeah. That's all I want for the past five years. What did you just ask me?
• 21:45
  Speaker B: What are you doing for Christmas? Take us through your Christmas Eve and Christmas.
• 21:49
  Speaker A: Okay.
• 21:49
  Speaker B: Because it is exhausting.
• 21:51
  Speaker A: It's exhausting Christmas Eve because we, me and my husband both have traditions, so. And we both want to be at both places. It's not like I don't want to go to Aunt Lucy's. Like, I want to go to Aunt Lucy's. We don't have an Aunt Lucy. So you want.
• 22:04
  Speaker B: And I want to be in a complaint. It's just like what you want to do.
• 22:06
  Speaker A: Like, most families are like, we don't want to go there.
• 22:08
  Speaker B: You ever see the movie Four Christmases?
• 22:10
  Speaker A: Yeah, that's me. Yeah, I have four Christmases.
• 22:13
  Speaker B: Yeah. Maybe you should have married a Jew.
• 22:15
  Speaker A: Maybe I should have married you. You probably would love that. So Christmas Eve, we go to Michael's.
• 22:21
  Speaker B: Uncle.
• 22:24
  Speaker A: And then we come back to our house, pick up the dog, and we go back to Michael's uncle's. Michael comes back to get me. Then we go shoot up to up north to East Hanover and go to my aunt's for dessert. And then we shoot back down to Matuchen to sleep before Christmas we wake up. We do Christmas here. My family, we open presents, we do the whole shabam. And then usually I host. My mom has been hosted for the past 30 years, but I took it over the past three. But now my mother in law wants the host. But also my mom's gonna host because.
• 22:58
  Speaker B: So you have to split your body in half.
• 23:00
  Speaker A: So I literally give my mom my arm and my leg, right? And they give my mother in law my other arm in my leg.
• 23:06
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 23:06
  Speaker A: Half my eyeball. And so we're gonna go to my mother in law's, spend the.
• 23:12
  Speaker B: I'm tired.
• 23:13
  Speaker A: I'm tired.
• 23:14
  Speaker B: Also, how are we drinking? There's too much driving.
• 23:17
  Speaker A: I'm not driving. I'm drinking in the car. That is just like I don't want to do. I mean, like, what am I going to do when I have more kids? I'm. I'm not leaving my house.
• 23:26
  Speaker B: No, I feel like also, like, even I realized with my sister in law, she, she lives in Rhode island, she doesn't even come home for Christmas. She shouldn't, because, like, it's too hard. And also, like, at a certain point when your kids are older, like, you want to just be a little bubble.
• 23:39
  Speaker A: You Forget you have your own family.
• 23:41
  Speaker B: Yeah. Like, you're trying to create these traditions, and I think you'll feel like that maybe. Yeah. Maybe not.
• 23:46
  Speaker A: Maybe never. So. Yeah. My husband's the type of guy that also is, like, we have to go everywhere. Yeah. Like, he. He's not the other way. Where he's going to say, like, let's also.
• 23:54
  Speaker B: There's, like, pressure.
• 23:55
  Speaker A: There's pressure.
• 23:56
  Speaker B: Let's be honest. Oh.
• 23:57
  Speaker A: I mean, family members, definitely pressure.
• 23:58
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 23:59
  Speaker A: So. So they're like, you're not going to come. I mean, like, I know.
• 24:02
  Speaker B: I'm amazing. What do you think's worse, Jewish guilt or Italian guilt?
• 24:07
  Speaker A: Both.
• 24:08
  Speaker B: Jewish guilt is bad.
• 24:09
  Speaker A: Is it?
• 24:10
  Speaker B: But Jewish guilt is, like, sneakier. I feel like Italian guilt is just like your face. Yeah.
• 24:14
  Speaker A: Like, you're not going to come.
• 24:15
  Speaker B: Right. And Jewish guilt is, like, beating around the bush. But, like, you know, they're fudgeing mad.
• 24:19
  Speaker A: For the rest of their life. So anyway, that's going to be my holiday. But honestly, I'm so, so thankful for it.
• 24:24
  Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, it's all good and happy and fun and here we are. Clip miss.
• 24:29
  Speaker A: Clip miss. Do you have anything else to not say?
• 24:34
  Speaker B: Oh, my God. That reminds me. I have a present for you. For me? I forgot to bring it to you. Yep. I'll bring it next time.
• 24:40
  Speaker A: What is it?
• 24:41
  Speaker B: See you live.
• 24:42
  Speaker A: We're not doing another live for the rest of our lives. No, I'm not kidding.
• 24:47
  Speaker B: Wait, that live was so crazy.
• 24:48
  Speaker A: No, I can't.
• 24:49
  Speaker B: How could we be muted?
• 24:51
  Speaker A: My brother calls me. Like, we can't hear one word. Michael's laughing. You're laughing like, what? What's funny? What is funny about this? I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I was literally just freaking out because that's my worst nightmare. You're so annoying. You're the worst. Laughing hysterically. She's laughing.
• 25:08
  Speaker B: How about. I was just thinking about how my husband was talking to me about a budget for Christmas.
• 25:15
  Speaker A: Imagine having a budget for Christmas.
• 25:18
  Speaker B: Budget.
• 25:19
  Speaker A: What's a budget?
• 25:20
  Speaker B: No, but, like, I was trying to really stick to a budget. Yeah.
• 25:23
  Speaker A: Okay. Thousand things in your Amazon car, and.
• 25:26
  Speaker B: It'S just, like, really hard. But I have a funny story.
• 25:30
  Speaker A: He's like, no joke, though.
• 25:33
  Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
• 25:33
  Speaker A: But he also will go out and get the toy also.
• 25:35
  Speaker B: He'll. He went out.
• 25:36
  Speaker A: He.
• 25:37
  Speaker B: I mean, he drove to the American Dream Lego factory.
• 25:39
  Speaker A: I know.
• 25:40
  Speaker B: Two days ago. I know. And got the.
• 25:42
  Speaker A: You hear me questioning him? I'm like, did you go to Legoland? I'm so confused.
• 25:45
  Speaker B: I know, it was like that movie where your. Our son wants the only thing he asked for Christmas is this 10,000 piece. Where did they even see that Eiffel Tower? Lego. I can't even tell you how much it cost.
• 25:59
  Speaker A: More Legos in your house.
• 26:01
  Speaker B: He collects them, he builds them. But the only thing I have to say is, like, Joe's home for two weeks for Christmas. It'll be like their thing they'll do. And like, I know he's secretly excited about it. Yeah. So, like, whatever.
• 26:11
  Speaker A: But what are you getting, what are you getting for Christmas this year?
• 26:15
  Speaker B: I have no idea.
• 26:16
  Speaker A: See, my thing is it's also my birthday.
• 26:19
  Speaker B: Right.
• 26:19
  Speaker A: So it's like I feel bad for my family members because it's like they feel like they have to.
• 26:23
  Speaker B: Double whammy. Yeah.
• 26:24
  Speaker A: But like, just, just don't get me anything, please.
• 26:29
  Speaker B: You don't have to. Nothing for me.
• 26:31
  Speaker A: Yeah, but I don't know. I seriously don't know what I want for Christmas. I, I'm at the age where I just want like, useful things. I, I don't want like designer bags and shoes. And I want like an aura ring so I can wear and like check my fitness, my list.
• 26:46
  Speaker B: What about a sealer? A chip sealer?
• 26:50
  Speaker A: Did you see mine on the counter? Because I can't believe we have the same thing. Like, that's what I mean. I want like useful things. Like, I want new pots and pans.
• 26:54
  Speaker B: Oh, I actually want that aura ring too.
• 26:56
  Speaker A: Yeah, like, I want the aura ring. I want the pots and pans. Like, I want new spatulas.
• 27:00
  Speaker B: You're a grown up. Yeah, like, I don't want, I want new stools.
• 27:04
  Speaker A: A Chanel.
• 27:05
  Speaker B: All I want is.
• 27:05
  Speaker A: But if you're going to buy a.
• 27:06
  Speaker B: Chanel bag, you're not getting a Chanel bag.
• 27:08
  Speaker A: Go ahead and buy a Chanel. Look at me. No, I'm kidding. I'm not kidding.
• 27:14
  Speaker B: So anyhow, I, I don't care about that.
• 27:17
  Speaker A: But I also am a gift giver. Like, I love getting gifts. My husband's like, I don't want anything. You know what he asked for? I'm gonna out him right now. What are those things that like spray up your butthole? Like bidets. Oh, they have like a travel bidet. He wants it.
• 27:30
  Speaker B: Wait, it's a travel bidet.
• 27:31
  Speaker A: It's like, it's like not on your toilet. Like, you could put it on, take it off. Like, what do you call that? I don't know. It's like a, A. I'm like, why? That's what you want for Christmas? I can't stand it. I'm like, don't you want, like, that's five new shirts? Because God knows you sometimes need them. Your husband, too. I never seen him look better than in Florida.
• 27:49
  Speaker B: It was so funny. He goes, tom says, my wardrobe in Florida.
• 27:52
  Speaker A: He gets so upset with me.
• 27:54
  Speaker B: So funny.
• 27:55
  Speaker A: He hates my guts.
• 27:57
  Speaker B: He loves you.
• 27:57
  Speaker A: I just want everyone to look good.
• 27:58
  Speaker B: Yeah. Look good, feel good, and that's it.
• 28:01
  Speaker A: But seriously, Chris, there's nothing better than Christmas. And when it's over, I don't want to talk about it. It, like, makes me feel ill. Well.
• 28:07
  Speaker B: At least when it's over for you, you have your birthday and. Yeah.
• 28:10
  Speaker A: New Year's Eve. Yeah. And then Gio's birthday.
• 28:12
  Speaker B: And after that, it goes to.
• 28:14
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 28:14
  Speaker B: That's why I want to plan a trip for March. How do you feel about a trip in March?
• 28:17
  Speaker A: I'm ready. You know me.
• 28:19
  Speaker B: Yeah. Aruba. Are you ready?
• 28:20
  Speaker A: Yeah. My mother's actually going to Aruba.
• 28:22
  Speaker B: March. Okay, that's not us.
• 28:24
  Speaker A: We can meet there. How about me and you should just go somewhere.
• 28:27
  Speaker B: Sign me the up.
• 28:29
  Speaker A: Would you go somewhere, just me and you?
• 28:30
  Speaker B: Yeah, please.
• 28:31
  Speaker A: You would love that.
• 28:32
  Speaker B: Say less.
• 28:33
  Speaker A: You wouldn't feel like. I would be, like, freaking out.
• 28:35
  Speaker B: I mean, are we sharing a bathroom?
• 28:37
  Speaker A: I'm like, so anyway, Zach. The halls with bells of holly.
• 28:45
  Speaker B: I really like this sweater.
• 28:46
  Speaker A: Me too.
• 28:47
  Speaker B: Actually.
• 28:47
  Speaker A: You walked in on my jaws on the floor. You look so cute.
• 28:50
  Speaker B: I'm probably gonna wear it until December 25th.
• 28:52
  Speaker A: Please don't wash it.
• 28:56
  Speaker B: I don't know if you could watch these bows.
• 28:58
  Speaker A: I'll figure it out for you.
• 29:01
  Speaker B: Anyhow, I had my high school reunion.
• 29:05
  Speaker A: I don't want to talk about that. You were, like, dead to me those days.
• 29:08
  Speaker B: I was dead. I'm never drinking.
• 29:09
  Speaker A: I thought we were talking about Christmas.
• 29:11
  Speaker B: I'm never drinking again. Good. You shouldn't till Christmas. Don't. I'm pregnant.
• 29:16
  Speaker A: What? Are you being funny? Emily. Oh, my God. Are you fucking for real? Oh. Are you actually pregnant? Oh, my God. I'm freaking out. Emily.
• 29:46
  Speaker B: Right before the vasect to me.
• 29:49
  Speaker A: Are you actually pregnant? You're such a. I love that.
• 29:55
  Speaker B: I love that whole thing. It was so good.
• 29:59
  Speaker A: Now that was really good. I'm done for the day. Are you serious?
• 30:05
  Speaker B: Pregnant?
• 30:05
  Speaker A: My heart just dropped into my toenails.
• 30:07
  Speaker B: Same, actually. You made me believe myself. Okay, we're good. We're not pregnant.
• 30:15
  Speaker A: No. Like, I couldn't handle another kid.
• 30:17
  Speaker B: No.
• 30:17
  Speaker A: God.
• 30:17
  Speaker B: Did you see yesterday?
• 30:18
  Speaker A: No. Yeah. I came home. I'm Exhausted. My clothes are from what Emily cooked for you. Emily cleaned. I'm like, I'm just exhausted. I don't know how she does it.
• 30:26
  Speaker B: I needed to see your reaction. That was a good one.
• 30:29
  Speaker A: Why would you do that?
• 30:30
  Speaker B: It was fun.
• 30:31
  Speaker A: Well, I'm actually pregnant.
• 30:34
  Speaker B: No, you're not.
• 30:35
  Speaker A: I know. That would have been really funny if I was, though.
• 30:40
  Speaker B: I wish you were.
• 30:40
  Speaker A: I know. Anyway, we're trying to figure out our next giveaway. I think it has to be, like, something cool.
• 30:47
  Speaker B: Chanel bag.
• 30:47
  Speaker A: I'll give away my Chanel bag. You have. Yeah, my tan one.
• 30:52
  Speaker B: Okay.
• 30:53
  Speaker A: But seriously, is there, like, anything else to say? Anything about Christmas? I mean, there's more to talk about. We can talk about it like another date.
• 31:01
  Speaker B: I mean, it's still December. What? It's like the sixth. Yeah.
• 31:05
  Speaker A: I just took Christmas photos. Highly recommend. She's Jewish, so she doesn't do that.
• 31:09
  Speaker B: It's not cuz I'm Jewish. It's cuz I don't have the capacity to handle it. I love.
• 31:13
  Speaker A: They came out so cute.
• 31:14
  Speaker B: That's another thing.
• 31:15
  Speaker A: I have to go order my Christmas card. I have to go.
• 31:16
  Speaker B: No, wait.
• 31:18
  Speaker A: I have to go order my Christmas card.
• 31:20
  Speaker B: I will never be the Christmas card giver goer.
• 31:22
  Speaker A: Why? I just can't. You do everything else under the sun.
• 31:25
  Speaker B: It's just like, a lot.
• 31:26
  Speaker A: You hang an elf from your chandelier, but you don't want to do a Christmas card.
• 31:29
  Speaker B: Can I just send, like, this mama clock card?
• 31:31
  Speaker A: We should do a Christmas card. Me and you.
• 31:34
  Speaker B: Merry Christmas.
• 31:34
  Speaker A: Should we do a Christmas card?
• 31:36
  Speaker B: No.
• 31:36
  Speaker A: We could just use one of the photos we took.
• 31:37
  Speaker B: Nobody cares about us.
• 31:39
  Speaker A: They obviously do.
• 31:41
  Speaker B: I didn't tell you. I have a stalker. A real stalker.
• 31:44
  Speaker A: What?
• 31:45
  Speaker B: This Somebody. Not a stalker, but somebody from the giveaway has liked every single one of my photos.
• 31:54
  Speaker A: That happens to me every day.
• 31:55
  Speaker B: Oh, never happened to me. But then on my last photo from 20 years ago, she said, yay, I.
• 31:59
  Speaker A: Made it to the bottom. No.
• 32:03
  Speaker B: Shout out to whoever you are. Isn't that funny?
• 32:06
  Speaker A: Crazy of that person.
• 32:07
  Speaker B: Yeah, but, like, I got so many notifications. It was literally like 130. And she commented and I was like, what is going on? She got to the last one and said, yay, I made it. That's crazy.
• 32:22
  Speaker A: Wait, you didn't bring us balloons. I thought you were bringing us balloons.
• 32:24
  Speaker B: I forgot.
• 32:25
  Speaker A: First of all, we hit over 2k followers on Instagram, which is huge.
• 32:28
  Speaker B: Huge. We're almost at 3k and we're almost. We're are so close to 4k subscribers. Big love you mean it. And what else?
• 32:39
  Speaker A: Merry Christmas. Let's go.
• 32:41
  Speaker B: Are we gonna have like another Christmas episode? Yeah, it'll just be like festive.
• 32:44
  Speaker A: Yeah.
• 32:45
  Speaker B: Season festive.
• 32:46
  Speaker A: We're doing. We're doing Christmas episodes from here on until January.
• 32:48
  Speaker B: We're doing. We're. We will be doing 12 Days of Dominem.
• 32:52
  Speaker A: Yeah. So be on the lookout for that. That'll be fun.
• 32:55
  Speaker B: Yeah. I'm actually excited for.
• 32:57
  Speaker A: But enjoy the holidays. Seriously. It's a time to be grateful. So really, really enjoy your kids.
• 33:01
  Speaker B: Yeah. Enjoy your kids. En family. It's so fun. And I. Nobody can take the magic away from.
• 33:07
  Speaker A: Except when Elf on the Chef falls.
• 33:09
  Speaker B: On the ground or like your kid pulls Santa's beard and it's like that's not the real Santa.
• 33:14
  Speaker A: Okay, well, have a great holiday season. We'll be back next week.
• 33:19
  Speaker B: Maybe.
• 33:19
  Speaker A: Love you. Bye.
• 33:21
  Speaker B: Love you. Bye. Cancelled. Sam.